I have psychological scars from past fights, what should I do?

Hello, my dear friend. I'm here for you. Let me give you a 360-degree hug.

Your question is very simple, and it's so good that you're asking about this. You said that "a psychological shadow has been cast over losing a fight in the past."

I wish I could give you more advice, but I just don't know enough about your situation.

I really hope some of these general methods can help you!

First, it's likely that you might have called yourself a weakling or a loser after losing the fight.

And it gets worse! The person who beat you is probably stronger in other ways, too. For example, at work, making money, and so on.

So, it's totally understandable that you feel like that loss has become a kind of psychological "curse," making you think that if you hadn't lost that fight, you might have...

...

In other words, you may not have a smooth life in the future. This sense of frustration and suffocation has not been compensated for elsewhere, so it has remained fixed there.

Let's say someone thought you were a bad student and beat you up. Then you worked hard and got into Qinghua or Peking University, and the person who beat you up didn't even graduate high school. Chances are you wouldn't care about what happened that year because you'd be too busy focusing on your own future.

Life has already given him a bit of a knock.

So, no matter what your situation is, it's not worth it to go and fight with the other person again. What you can do is make yourself stronger, and this strength comes in many forms.

Second, go do some exercise, preferably weightlifting or boxing, to get those six-pack abs!

Having a strong body gives us the confidence to take on anything, because when you're strong and powerful, you feel in control of things you couldn't before.

And a strong body itself can also have a certain deterrent effect on others. Just like Yao Ming standing in front of you, even if he doesn't do anything, people who don't know him will want to stay away from him.

This is simple and straightforward, and if you are persistent, you will definitely succeed. Of course, this will not make you strong enough to fight back, but you've got this!

I really hope it can give you a boost of self-confidence!

And finally, read more to improve yourself and broaden your horizons!

Have you ever thought about how we compare ourselves to others? We often do this by thinking about physical strength, social status, and wealth. But there's another very important thing to consider: perception.

People with a high level of awareness are great at seeing the big picture. They can look far into the future and really get to the heart of things. They don't get stuck on small issues.

Fourth, work hard to earn money. You can do it!

There's a saying that you can't make money beyond your knowledge. And it's so true! The more you know, the more ways you'll find to make money.

I'm sure you'll find this becomes a virtuous cycle!

I know these methods might seem a bit empty, especially since I don't know your specific situation. I really think you should talk to a counselor and open up about the past.

Then, see what you can do now!

There's a saying that when you're strong, you'll have fewer enemies. It's like a warm hug for your soul, but reality shows us that it's true!

You're also welcome to chat with a counselor if you'd like to bring closure to previously completed topics.

I'm a counselor who's often both Buddhist and feeling a bit down, but I'm also happy and motivated sometimes! I love the world and I love you!

Hello, I'm June, and I'm thrilled to be here!

I don't know how old the questioner is, but adults should rarely solve things by fighting. This is not because adults "give in," but because adults have so many more options!

1. Force cannot solve everything. But that's okay! Even if you win now, there will come a time when you encounter someone you cannot defeat. And that's when you get to put your brainpower to the test!

The true masters of the game win through virtue. Even in the thrilling world of "triad" fights, it is usually the "junior members" who get into the action, while the "bosses" use their brains to negotiate for more benefits.

2. Fighting inevitably leads to injury, and in serious cases, disability or even death. But who is responsible for this?

It's not worth paying the price of a lifetime for a moment of pleasure. But if you have the chance to think about it, most people will choose a better option.

3. The questioner feels ashamed of losing. This kind of competitiveness is absolutely worth encouraging!

If this person is really your opponent and you cannot defeat him in a fight, try your brain power! You can win in so many ways, so don't rush.

For example, you can totally overwhelm him through your studies and your future work performance! There are so many ways and opportunities to win, so there's no need to rush.

Life is so long, and we can't be the best at everything, so we have to learn to accept mediocrity. When someone is better than you, the first thing you have to do is to see the effort that person has put in. Instead of being jealous or envious, you should regard that person as an example and use it as motivation. And that's a good thing!

If you're a child, this is going to be a game-changer for you! You'll be able to stay calm and rational, no matter what. And if you're an adult, this is going to help you get back to thinking like one! Best wishes!

Hello!

I'm a mindfulness coach. Learning is a treasure.

I can feel your discomfort, embarrassment, fear, worry, pain, and feeling of being at a loss.

Don't dwell on losing a fight. I have three pieces of advice:

First, try to understand yourself and accept your situation.

This will make your heart feel slightly easier, which will help you think about what to do next.

You said you lost a fight before and now you always want revenge to feel better. You also feel ashamed of losing and afraid of losing. This is understandable because competitiveness is human nature. No one wants to lose, including you. You feel ashamed of losing, which is normal because we all want recognition. It's also common to feel "not awesome" after losing. So try to understand yourself and comfort yourself. See the uncomfortable, scared, and temporarily at a loss self. This will give you mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will always be filled with negative emotions.

Accepting yourself and your current state will help you change. It may sound strange, but it's true. Change is based on accepting things as they are.

Secondly, think about your situation rationally.

Rational thinking helps you understand yourself and reality.

To think rationally, do the following:

Don't judge a hero based on one success or failure.

You're not "no good" or "not good enough" just because you lost a fight. This way of thinking is too one-sided. You're still young, so you have time to improve.

A gentleman waits ten years before revenge.

See your own strength and the power of time.

The best way to get revenge is to become a better person.

You may still feel uncomfortable. At this point, you need to understand that the best way to retaliate against others is to become better yourself.

I'm trying to show you that you don't have to compete for victory or defeat. You're the real winner because you focus on yourself. This can also make you feel better.

Focus on yourself and think about how you can feel better.

For example, focus on your own merits, accept what you cannot change, and change what you can. When you make yourself better, your heart will become stronger, and you will not be affected by this matter.

When you become better, you may not care about past failures or successes. You may also understand that being unique and special is good enough.

If you feel uncomfortable and want to take revenge, remind yourself, "It's okay to lose a fight once." After you have suggested this many times, your mood may improve.

You can also talk about the fight with family and friends. This will make you feel better. It will also help you get support, understanding, and advice. In short, you can do something to improve the situation.

Taking action helps you feel better.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom to talk to me one-on-one.

Dear Question Asker,

"I am inclined to seek retribution when I perceive a loss, and I experience a sense of shame when I am unsuccessful. I was apprehensive about the prospect of defeat, and even now, I am still uneasy when I reflect on it. What is the most appropriate course of action?" Let us collaborate to identify a solution.

Fighting is a means of demonstrating, through force, that one is right, that one is strong, and that others must heed one's words. Achieving victory engenders a sense of accomplishment, which in turn fosters feelings of happiness and comfort.

A loss is perceived as an indication of incompetence and a lack of dignity. Consequently, a loss is experienced as humiliating, and few would choose to engage in an activity that they perceive as humiliating.

The "fear of losing" indicates an inability to accept the potential consequences of an unfavorable outcome.

The focus on winning and retaliating after losing does not address the fundamental issue, but rather constrains cognitive processes, a phenomenon commonly referred to as "being in a rut." To overcome this, it is essential to genuinely address the emotional consequences of one's actions.

The following suggestions are offered for consideration as potential avenues for modifying one's thinking patterns:

(1) What is the fundamental assumption underlying the conflict?

One must inquire as to the emotional consequences of the anticipated outcome of the confrontation. The prevailing sentiment is that victory is a source of comfort, defeat is a source of humiliation, and the desire for retribution is a natural consequence. One must then ask themselves whether this is a valid assumption. In other words, if one were to emerge victorious, would they truly be justified in doing so?

One might inquire whether it is possible to exert control over the other person. Alternatively, one might ask whether losing would result in a sense of profound humiliation.

"

I believe the answer is in the negative. When we resort to force in order to solve problems, it is indicative of an underlying weakness. We are unable to prove ourselves through "reason," and are therefore compelled to resort to force in order to prove our worthiness of respect.

The utilization of force to attain the acceptance and recognition of others represents an unhealthy approach to self-validation. In order to prove one's self-worth, individuals may resort to more aggressive tactics to gain the upper hand over their counterparts, a phenomenon that is particularly prevalent within gang contexts.

In more severe instances, this can result in physical harm to oneself or others, or even irreversible consequences.

(2) Formulate new core beliefs that are conducive to physical and mental health.

"Are there any alternative methods for problem-solving?" It seems reasonable to posit that there are.

This entails reframing one's self-worth. For those in their teenage years, it is recommended to prioritize academic pursuits. By accumulating knowledge, individuals can develop the capacity to navigate societal expectations independently.

Furthermore, it is essential to cultivate harmonious relationships, hone communication skills, and employ verbal communication as a means of resolving conflicts in a constructive manner, rather than resorting to force. The book "Nonviolent Communication" serves as an invaluable reference in this regard.

Once an alternative to the sense of accomplishment derived from fighting is identified, it becomes evident that engaging in such behavior, regardless of the outcome, is not a worthwhile pursuit.

(3) It is recommended that the subject consider a change of environment.

Additionally, the formation of new beliefs requires an investment of time. To facilitate this process, it is advisable to limit exposure to individuals who engage in conflictual interactions. Modifying one's environment to foster a conducive atmosphere for learning and living is also beneficial. Gradually adapting to the new environment and adjusting one's behavior can further support the development of new beliefs.

The aforementioned suggestions are intended to serve as a point of reference.

It is our sincere hope that these suggestions will prove beneficial.

If you still have a grudge after losing a fight in the past, it means that you haven't developed enough inner strength, and you haven't been able to reconcile with yourself.

Before you can move on, you think the only way forward is to fight back, beat him, save face, and find the thrill of revenge.

However, this could lead to new conflicts with the other person and new conflicts within yourself.

You lose face, and you want to regain your self-respect.

You always want to get revenge to feel better, and I felt pretty ashamed of losing the fight. I was afraid of losing, and even now when I think about it, I still feel scared.

For someone with a strong sense of self-esteem, losing a fight can be a bit of a blow.

It's understandable if you don't remember when the fight with someone else happened, or if you were very young at the time.

If the other person is also a child, it's also normal for two children to fight.

From a child's perspective, fighting for pride and victory is a big deal.

But if we now look at it from an adult perspective and watch two children fight as an outsider, we'd probably think it's just a game, that it's nothing serious, and that it's no big deal if they fight, right?

While kids have self-esteem too, as they get older, they become better at protecting themselves, so it's not something you have to actively work on.

2. If you can, find the other person and work out your differences verbally.

When you lose a fight, it's like it's still unfinished business.

This can leave a psychological shadow.

If the other person wins, it's a done deal for them.

So, he might have already moved on from it.

If you go and fight with him again, he might feel a bit confused.

If he still remembers, he might even feel like there's no need to fight again.

To resolve this unfinished event and avoid triggering new conflicts, it would be better for you to find the other person and communicate with them verbally to reach a settlement.

You can say that you lost the fight before, which made you feel pretty embarrassed. You want to fight with him again now to even things up, but you know that fighting is an immature way for kids to resolve disputes. You also understand that kids are sometimes inconsiderate, so you want to forgive him for that time and also forgive yourself for losing the fight when you were little.

If the other person has a good attitude and is willing to apologize, or if you can joke around a bit and talk about the funny things that happened back then, this hurdle may be overcome.

3. Build your inner strength and maintain inner peace.

When we have the ability to protect ourselves, we're not afraid of external aggression.

If you think back on what you've been through and realize it's a different situation now, you might be able to move on.

Take a look at where you are now compared to where they are. If you're doing better, you might be able to let it go.

So, when we want to resolve a dispute with someone outside the company, it's because our psychological strength isn't enough to protect ourselves.

When you're in a better psychological place, you don't have to compete with others to win, and you'll choose to forgive and move on.

So, if you can build your inner world to be stronger and more harmonious, it'll have a positive effect on your relationships with others.

I hope this helps.

I'm Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor. Best wishes!

When will the cycle of revenge end? In a society with the rule of law, if violence is always used to solve problems, then more serious problems may arise. Nowadays, there may be videos or news reports of fights and brawls in society. But where do these people end up? Some may be taken to the police station, and some may be detained!

There's also the possibility of a fine, and if someone dies, you could even go to prison. Some people could even get life imprisonment! It's a wild ride. Once you were involved in a fight, and the result was that you lost. You suffered internal trauma because you were subjected to physical violence, and you were the one who lost. You were frustrated.

Your mind has been traumatized, and now you want to take revenge by hitting back. But what will be the consequences of such a thought? Going along with him will make you fall into a violent tendency, and it may make you harbor a hatred for society, feeling that others owe you because they beat you up. So, what can you do?

And what if I told you that it's not just okay, but actually beneficial to your development, to have someone cause you trauma?

It was quite embarrassing to lose, and it scared you. But you know what? That's okay! It's not just a specific level of trauma, but also a trauma at the spiritual level. And guess what? This kind of trauma cannot be easily resolved by you taking revenge on others.

Not only will it not solve your trauma, it may also plunge your life into chaos and cause you to suffer other problems. You can think about this carefully and use your rational mind to consider the development and consequences of this matter. If you resort to violence, what will happen?

If you were to look for the person who hit you, would he hit you again? Think about it! Would this kind of fighting cause you problems with your health, work, life, and family? Absolutely not!

There are always winners and losers in a fight, but fighting is a bad thing. It's uncivilized, so let's try to avoid it!

We can solve problems through civilization! We are now living in such a civilized and law-abiding society. If you have other rules to solve problems, then they are not in line with our current rules. I hope you can treat them seriously and cautiously, and be able to seek psychological counseling to adjust your trauma through cognitive regulation. I also recommend that you take a potential trauma psychological test for adjustment. Best of luck to you!

ZQ?

Good day, question asker.

I empathize with your feelings and state of mind. I perceive anger and resentment in your words, as well as indications of guilt, shame, and concern about how others might perceive your actions. Let's examine potential courses of action:

Trace the cause.

In a simple narrative, the questioner only mentioned fighting in the past, but did not mention specific incidents. It may be that it is inconvenient to talk about it or that it is a long story, but only the questioner knows the specific circumstances.

It would be beneficial for the question asker to recall the situation at that time. For example, it would be helpful to know when and where certain individuals were present, as well as what they said and did.

Please describe the reason for the altercation and the circumstances that led to it.

It would be beneficial to identify the root cause of the conflict.

It is important to identify the root cause of the conflict. It seems that the original poster did not intend to engage in a fight initially, but the other party's words or actions may have triggered a strong emotional response, leading to the escalation of the situation. It is also possible that the original poster was emotionally distressed at the time.

I believe that initially, the original poster did not want to engage in a conflict. However, the words or actions of the other person touched them deeply, and they were unable to tolerate it any longer. Additionally, they may have been experiencing a certain degree of emotional distress at the time.

It would be beneficial to investigate further to ascertain your true priorities. For instance, if another individual made a derogatory remark about you, but you are highly attuned to the opinions of others and emotionally reactive, you may wish to consider why you are so susceptible to criticism. Could it be that you are striving for perfection?

In light of the above, I would like to propose the following course of action.

Are there any areas of misunderstanding?

In some cases, what you see and hear may not be accurate. It is also possible that the information you have received may have been misinterpreted by others. In such instances, it is advisable to seek clarification from the relevant parties to ensure

It is not uncommon for information obtained through one's own senses to be inaccurate, particularly when it is disseminated by third parties. In such cases, it is advisable to revisit the matter in question to identify any potential discrepancies.

Furthermore, individuals have different life experiences and upbringing, which influence their perspectives on similar issues. It is not necessary to expect everyone to share your views or to force them to conform to your way of thinking. It is also unlikely that you will have the same understanding of everyone.

Furthermore, individuals have different life experiences and upbringing, which leads to diverse perspectives. There is no expectation for everyone to align with a single viewpoint or to have complete understanding of others. It is also realistic to acknowledge that not everyone will fully comprehend a particular situation.

In such instances, it is advisable to adopt a tolerant attitude and refrain from engaging in a dispute with the other party. Alternatively, if a misunderstanding does arise, it is prudent to address it promptly to prevent it from escalating.

Is there a more optimal approach?

A gentleman uses his words, not his fists. Regardless of who is right or wrong, engaging in a physical altercation is not an optimal solution. It is always preferable to resolve differences through constructive dialogue. If that is not feasible, there are other options.

As an illustration, if you are a male, you may opt to engage in a game together. Alternatively, you may choose to compete in a running race. You may also select a competition in academic performance, or you may appoint a third party to act as a mediator.

As an example, if you are a male, you have the option of playing a game together, competing in a running race, or competing in academic performance. Alternatively, you can engage a third party to act as a mediator.

Individuals have different approaches to problem-solving. For instance, I may not be able to resolve a

Individuals have different approaches to problem-solving. In my case, I find that a hotpot dinner can often be an effective way to resolve issues. If this method is not successful, it may be helpful to try two dinners. The original poster can also consider which approach aligns better with their needs.

"I am embarrassed by my inability to win, and I am fearful of losing."

"I am embarrassed by my inability to win, and I am fearful of losing."

The original poster then stated that they felt ashamed of losing and afraid of losing, and that if they did not engage in the conflict, they would not lose. While they could not control the outcome of a fight, they could choose to end the situation.

The original poster then stated that they feel ashamed of losing and are afraid of losing. They asserted that if we do not fight, we will not lose. While we cannot control the outcome of a fight, we can choose to resolve the situation promptly.

Additionally, the original poster indicated that they are ashamed of losing and fearful of losing. However, if we do not engage in a confrontation, we will not be defeated. While we cannot control the outcome of a confrontation, we can choose to resolve the issue promptly.

If it is related to the past dispute, I would like to suggest that time is the best healer. It is likely that this matter will be forgotten within a few days. There is also the saying, "No discord, no concord." It is possible that the experience has led to a deeper understanding of each other. This could be a positive outcome.

If the issue is a past disagreement, I believe you will find that, with the passage of time, it will fade from memory. You will gradually forget this matter. There is a saying that goes, "No discord, no concord." Perhaps the disagreement has also brought you closer together. This could be a positive outcome.

If the issue is a past disagreement, I hope you will accept that time heals all wounds. I am confident that in a few days, everyone will have forgotten about it, and you will have forgotten this matter too. There is also the saying "

If the issue is a past disagreement, please be assured that with the passage of time, memories of it will fade. You will gradually forget about it, as others will too. There is also the saying, "No discord, no concord." Perhaps the conflict has led to a deeper understanding of each other. In any case, it is not necessarily a negative development.

If you are still preoccupied with this matter and find your thoughts returning to it, you may wish to consider taking up an alternative activity to provide a distraction.

I hope my response will prove useful to the original poster. Best regards,

I hope my response is helpful to the original poster. Best regards,