I have two sons. My older son always feels that he is being treated unfairly. What should I do?

As a loving mother, you are acutely aware of your child's needs and strive to provide assistance in a multitude of ways. I commend you for your efforts.

Discuss the situation in a frank and open manner.

In regard to homework, it may be helpful to explain to your child that there are various stages of development. After the age of six, attending school is a natural progression. When your brother goes to primary school, he will have homework, just as you do. Similarly, when you and your brother were of that age, you did not have homework either. You may wish to show your child their childhood photo album (if you kept records of your child's development) or show them photos from that time, or tell them stories about when they were little.

In the event that the child states, "Grandma's food is good and nutritious, but my family's food is not," it is advisable to refrain from immediately disagreeing or attempting to provide an explanation. Instead, it may be more beneficial to inquire further by asking, "Is it your desire to stay at Grandma's residence?"

However, given that Grandma is advancing in age, it is possible that she may be unable to provide care for both children simultaneously. If you were to leave, I might be required to collect your brother once more. When he indicates that he does not wish to go, you might suggest the following: "Perhaps we could ask Grandma to save you some nourishing meals and bring them back to me when we visit, so that I can prepare them for you."

When the child is permitted to engage with these thoughts, he will experience a reduction in anxiety. It may even be beneficial to inform the child that, should he allow you to take his brother to school, you will have more time to dedicate to him.

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Ultimately, the child experiences a sense of injustice and is seeking attention, albeit in a manner that is not yet fully articulated.

It is not uncommon for parents of multiple children to experience feelings of exhaustion and a lack of sufficient energy, particularly when they are required to attend to the needs of each child individually. The diverse circumstances and demands of each child can contribute to this sense of overwhelm. It is evident that you are exerting considerable effort in your role as a parent, and your efforts are highly valued.

I have two children at home and I'm going to share my experience.

First, you can't let your child lead you by the nose. What do I mean by being led by the nose? It means that although there are certain standards for fairness, they are largely a subjective perception. Children have no concept of these standards, so the fairness they advocate is often their own perception. If you want to consider his idea of fairness to be fair, then you are letting him lead you by the nose.

I make it clear to my child that everyone sees things differently because of their background. I will treat you both fairly based on my perception. If you have needs or opinions, just speak up and I will consider them. If you're still not satisfied with my decision, keep sharing your thoughts. For now, since you're not fully independent, I'll make the final call on how to act.

Second, I make it clear to my children what I mean by their own business. Anything that brings you a major or total benefit is your own business, and you should bear the cost yourself. You should not expect to share it with others. In short, you should bear equal responsibility for equal rights. For example, doing homework. There are two goals of learning: 1. the need for personal growth, and 2. the need to earn a living. Regardless of whether it is 1 or 2, the benefit is all yours, so you should bear the cost yourself. We as parents will provide assistance, such as providing a suitable learning environment, buying learning materials, helping to revise plans, etc., but these are only temporary help, not our responsibility. Younger siblings have neither the responsibility nor the ability to provide help, so they have nothing to do with this matter. Read books on your own, do your homework on your own.

The same applies to household chores, where responsibilities are balanced. If you eat the food,

You have to participate. Either help prepare ingredients before meals or wash dishes after. If you step on the floor, you have to help clean it up.

Then you have to help with the cleaning. If your clothes get dirty, you have to wash them.

You have to participate. Either you sort the laundry and start the washing machine, take care of the laundry, or collect the dried laundry. There is no free lunch or free clothes in the family.

When my child gets angry, I tell him that I am better at getting angry than he is. Otherwise, we'll yell at each other and see who can out-yell the other. If getting angry can solve a problem, there's no point in communicating and negotiating.

Parents must act like leaders at home. They should lead and motivate their children, influencing their values and world view. Specific details can be managed with a firm hand. The worst thing is to lose sight of the bigger picture and end up arguing over trivial matters.

Hello! I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to send you a warm hug from afar.

It's understandable to feel helpless, uneasy, and frustrated when interacting with your eldest son, who often feels unfairly treated. It's also clear that you're a perceptive and caring mother, attuned to your children's emotions.

While it can be challenging to navigate the emotional state your child is displaying, having a clear awareness of your child's emotional state may offer insights into how you can adjust the way you treat your child.

It is possible that behind any behavior that makes parents feel confused or inappropriate is the child expressing concern to the parents and expressing their needs that may have been neglected. It may be helpful for all parents to try to give the child enough acceptance and understanding, without judging the emotional state the child is expressing. It might be beneficial for the child to feel that the parents are completely accepting, seeing, understanding, and valuing them.

It is important to remember that children experience and perceive the world more through their feelings. Therefore, if parents face the emotional state expressed by the child and give more preaching, it may inadvertently make the child feel strongly burdened, rejected, and afraid.

If the child feels that they have been treated unfairly, the mother could gently suggest that it would be helpful for them to share what they would like their mother to do in order to feel more supported and understood.

My name is Lily, and I'm a listener from the Question and Answer Pavilion. I just wanted to say that I love you all and I love the world too.