I hope my father tells me sorry, but he won't, what should I do?

Good day, I am writing in response to your question.

A few concise sentences can effectively convey a clear point. You have demonstrated your literary ability and have made your own judgment. You are aware that your father will not apologize to you and that the period of family education he missed may not be recoverable. Therefore, you are seeking to modify your self-perception. This is an admirable goal.

Firstly, it is important to note that as a child, the choice of one's birth is not within one's control. Parents play a significant role in providing the environment in which a child grows up, and the environment in which an adult lives is something that is largely self-created. You have stated that since childhood, regardless of the grievances and injuries you have experienced, your father has consistently demonstrated a lack of firm love, instead resorting to accusations.

Your father grew up with his own ideas, which were passed on to him by your grandparents. Perhaps he is following in their footsteps, and this experience is no longer applicable to your upbringing. Do you agree with my analysis?

Secondly, as you mature, so does your father. His views on education are deeply ingrained. Coupled with the fact that the word "father" itself carries a sense of authority, he may feel that what he says is right and that you, as a child, have to accept it. However, he ignores the environment in which you grew up. This may be the source of the discrepancy between you.

In regard to your desired outcome, it is my hope that he will apologize to you and recognize his own educational missteps. I recognize that this may be a challenging conversation, and if he is not willing to do so, I encourage you to consider taking the initiative to address the issue.

Naturally, if you were to raise the issue with him directly, it would likely result in feelings of embarrassment and further awkwardness. Have you considered expressing your views on the matter in a different manner?

As an alternative, you could send him a message or write him a letter. This may be a more constructive approach for all parties involved.

I would like to propose that we try this approach.

Finally, focus on self-improvement. When you have the necessary skills and abilities, you will be able to gain your father's recognition and respect.

With such a robust network, you can gain access to a wealth of knowledge and expertise. Perhaps by then, he will reconsider some of his current views.

What are your thoughts on this matter?

Good morning, host. I am smiling.

After reviewing your description, I have a better understanding of the question you wish to ask. In this regard, I would also like to extend my support and encouragement.

From your description, it is evident that your father has had a significant impact on you, and you have a relatively clear understanding of that influence.

From another perspective, it is possible that your father was treated similarly by his father, or even more harshly. This is a generational issue. It means that your father will pass on to the next generation what he learned from his father, and most of these things are unresolved. For example, when dealing with children, he will tend to criticize more and praise less.

Furthermore, this is his inaugural experience as a father, so his performance may be somewhat imperfect. However, he is treating you in accordance with his understanding of the situation. As a child, you may not endorse this approach, but it is not within your power to do otherwise. Given the discrepancies in time and environment, this is the only method they can conceive of for treating their children.

It is recommended that you focus on changing yourself and your attitude towards your father, rather than expecting your father to make changes. It is likely that your father will not change his approach to education or apologise to you, given the circumstances.

It is important to consider that your father has already had a certain impact on you, and that some of that impact may last a long time. As individuals, we must strive to reconcile with these impacts rather than resisting them. Resisting these impacts may result in negative consequences for our studies and lives.

The impact of the original family on us is a challenge that many individuals face, regardless of the specific circumstances. The way we perceive and interact with our original families can significantly influence how we navigate these challenges.

In this regard, I have also summarized some methods to help alleviate the current situation. I hope these will be of some assistance to you.

(1) Attempt to reconcile with your biological family, specifically your father. Avoid relying solely on verbal apologies; instead, pursue reconciliation through tangible actions.

(2) You may wish to consider discussing your thoughts with a colleague with whom you have a good working relationship. This could be an effective way of further relieving your emotions.

(3) You may wish to consider seeking an appropriate opportunity to communicate with your father. However, it is important to exercise caution and avoid making unsubstantiated accusations. Instead, focus on articulating your genuine feelings and thoughts about the situation at hand.

(4) When faced with excessive pressure, it is advisable to seek relief through sports and other methods, rather than immersing oneself in a stressful environment.

(5) If the opportunity arises, I would highly recommend reading the book "Nonviolent Communication." It is a well-written and valuable resource.

(6) Engage in an activity that aligns with your interests to further distract yourself.

Best regards, The World

I wish you the best of luck.

Dear questioner, Thank you so much for your question!

After reading your question, I feel your pain and many complex emotions, and I'm excited to help you work through them!

1. Let's dive into the emotional feelings of being wronged!

Regarding the part where you say, "From childhood to adulthood, my father never made me feel firmly loved. No matter what wrongs or injuries I suffered, he never comforted or protected me, but only criticized and blamed me,"

Absolutely! The questioner is aware of himself, right? So, you can feel your feelings of being aggrieved.

So, what is underneath your feelings of injustice? Let's find out together!

Could it be anger? Or is there also disappointment?

There might be other emotions that need to be seen and understood!

These emotions are so important! They can even determine the kind of life we choose to lead.

These complex emotions are like passwords that reveal our subconscious—and they're waiting to be discovered!

The great Carl Jung once said:

When the subconscious is revealed, it's like fate has already been rewritten!

2. I'm really hoping my father will say sorry!

Now, about that part where you ask, "I hope my father will say sorry to me, but he won't, so what should I do?"

I really hope my father said sorry! I want to believe that he realized he was wrong and that he'll do better in the future. I hope he said sorry because he realized that he hasn't comforted and protected me, and that he's been blindly blaming and criticizing me. I hope he said sorry because he knows that he's made me feel worse, and he wants to change that.

This will make you feel that your father not only has not apologized, but even thinks that he is not at fault, and that his accusations and hurt to us are not wrong. This makes you feel very sad, sad, aggrieved, angry, etc., right?

After reading this, I want to give you a big hug and tell you that you are absolutely amazing for not letting your father treat you badly! I don't want to criticise your father, but I think you're doing great!

Because we are all imperfect, and that's okay! We all have room to grow and learn.

For example, your father was unable to understand and accept this part of you, and after seeing you get hurt, he blamed you. This shows that he was unable to empathize with you — but you can!

3. About how to meet your own needs and embrace your true self!

I want to give the questioner a big thumbs-up for asking this question! It's so great to see you taking responsibility for yourself and moving out of the victim mode. You're really taking charge of your life and growing as a person. Keep up the great work!

Our expectations of our father and our own needs are actually disappointment and sadness about the love we received from him. But there's a positive side to this! We can actually mourn these feelings.

Finding a professional counselor is a great way to help us deal with our deep emotions, like grievances and anger, and go through a deep healing process. In a way, a counselor is also a really suitable object relationship!

I really hope the above answers are helpful to you! The world and I love you!

A hug?

I totally get where you're coming from. Even though our situations are different, I've been there too, waiting for my parents to say sorry.

We'll take this apology very seriously, and we'll feel so relieved when they say it!

While waiting and waiting in vain, I asked myself: Why is this apology so important?

I have so many answers to this "important" definition!

I really hope my parents realize that the way they treated me was really hurtful.

I really hope they'll face up to the fact that their behavior has caused the rift in our relationship. It's been really painful for me, and I'd love to be able to heal it so that we can have a harmonious relationship with my parents.

I really hope our relationship can be a little more relaxed and harmonious.

I really hope for an easy and harmonious relationship because I long for more parental love. I think it's so important for parents to give their children lots of love!

After defining "important," it suddenly dawned on me that what we needed might not be an apology, but more parental love.

And then, another question pops up: Why do we need more parental love?

I also gave a lot of answers, and I'm happy to share them with you!

It's so sad when we feel pain because we don't feel loved by our parents.

Oh, what is this pain? I feel so lonely. Even my dearest parents, who should love me the most, cannot give me love.

Because I didn't get enough love from my parents, I sometimes have doubts about other relationships and wonder if other people will treat me well in those relationships too.

I also feel like I don't deserve such kindness.

I really do think I deserve to be treated better, especially by my parents.

But my parents don't realize it, they don't understand me, so why is that?

And when we keep asking "Why?", we can end up feeling pretty down about ourselves. It can even make us wonder if we're really worthy of love.

I'm not sure what the answer is.

One voice says, "Yes, you deserve to be treated better."

The other voice says, "Oh, you don't deserve it because you never got it."

We believe the first voice, but we get annoyed and frustrated by the second.

The second voice can really make us feel pretty bad, and we really don't want to feel that way!

I have to admit that the second voice isn't entirely wrong, but it is also true.

To relax, I'm going to listen more to the first voice and ignore the second.

I feel so much better now! It's helped me calm down and think more clearly about all the things I need to work through.

Do I really need my parents to apologize? What do I really need, sweetie?

How can I get what I need, sweetie?

I'm happy to say that the answer is:

Maybe I just need an apology from my parents, but that's not the most important thing.

All I really need is more love from my parents.

Why do I need more love from my parents, you might ask?

My parents didn't give me enough love and attention when I was growing up, and it's left me with some doubts about myself, a tendency to be pessimistic, a lack of confidence, and doubts about my emotions. I also feel a deep sense of loneliness.

I think I need to repair my relationship with my parents to gain self-confidence, certainty, and more affection.

Is the only way I can get what I want is by repairing the relationship with my parents? Can I give it to myself?

Absolutely! I can give it to myself.

How can I give it to myself?

I have to admit that my parents didn't give me enough love and attention when I needed it. They were so set in their ways and believed they were doing the right thing.

2. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't get as much love as I needed.

I really must know that I deserve to be treated better.

I can see my current situation, understand my own needs, and work hard to make changes.

I totally get that there are some things I can't change. But I'm happy to change the things I can!

For example, when I hear two voices fighting, I accept and acknowledge that both voices are reasonable. I embrace them and focus on the positive voice.

I'm really good at lots of things, like clothing, food, housing, and transportation. My parents used to be really strict about these things, but they don't care about them as much now. I try really hard and do them carefully, or I'm doing them. I'm down-to-earth and in the moment.

I'm ready to give my parents more love, be more patient, more peaceful, and more powerful than they are. I've done better than my parents, and I'll keep doing better!

I deserve better, and I know I will have better!

It can be tough to change the status quo. It's a challenging journey, but the view is totally worth it!

If we're going through a rough patch and trying to make a change, it's important to focus on the things we can change, one step at a time.

I really hope my answer can help you! You might also find it helpful to read "The Courage to Be Disliked" and "I Wish My Parents Had Read This Book."

Hello there!

Come on, give yourself a hug, sweetheart! You're feeling sad and lost, but you're not alone.

I feel like I never got any comfort or protection from my dad when I was growing up. I really hope he can say sorry to me now, but I know that's not going to happen. What should I do?

First, take a moment to connect with this need within yourself. Why do you think you have this need? Is it because you feel like you lack love within yourself, or is it because you disapprove of your father and are angry with him?

It's totally normal to feel this way. It's just that your needs haven't been met in other ways. You've found ways to fill the gap by forming new close relationships, becoming more open and honest with yourself, and looking for role models in your social circle.

It's so important to try to understand your father in a holistic way. Most parents have problems in one way or another, and that's okay! Becoming a parent is a natural relationship that is not learned or assessed.

Some folks didn't get to fulfill their parental responsibilities towards their children because of the limited material conditions or restrictions imposed by the education system in the era they lived in. This left a shadow on the children's hearts, which is really sad. But, in many cases, the influence of such external factors was beyond their control. This was related to the way they were treated and the environment they lived in when they were young. This can be said to be a kind of intergenerational transmission.

It's so important to manage your emotions and try to communicate with your father.

You can absolutely express your inner thoughts and needs to your father! Just remember to control your emotions and avoid getting angry or accusing him when you do. Emotions can often get in the way of clear communication, and they might hurt your father's feelings. If you express your needs directly to your father, he might be able to give you explanations and responses that will help you feel better.

It's totally okay if you don't want to insist on a formal apology from your dad. We can't force anyone to change from the inside, and a formal apology might not even matter that much in the grand scheme of things.

It's so important to learn how to separate from your original family and become your own person. When you do that, you'll be able to achieve self-fulfillment and grow as a person. That's how you'll be able to break the cycle of passing on the same mistakes when you become a father in the future.

It's true that no one has a perfect family of origin. But it's also not true that people without one can't develop well in the future. In fact, many people have achieved amazing things and found themselves in spite of their family of origin.

I really hope that Hongyu's reply helps you out! Thanks so much for your question!

Good evening. I extend my sincerest regards to you in the form of a 360-degree hug.

After reviewing your inquiry, I advise you to reconsider your expectations.

You may find this remark unkind, but there is a saying that children are waiting for their parents to apologize, while parents are waiting for their children to express gratitude.

However, it is not always feasible to wait for such a change to occur, unless a significant event occurs that impacts one of the parties involved. In many cases, this transition occurs later in life, for instance, when an elderly individual suddenly becomes aware of the truth as they age, or when a child becomes a parent and realizes, through the process of raising their own children, that they had misunderstood their parents.

However, if no action is taken, it is challenging to alter deeply held beliefs, particularly without external influence or intervention.

From your question, it is evident that your father does not perceive his actions as inappropriate. He may have developed this approach through his upbringing and has not had the opportunity to learn alternative methods of interacting with children. He believes his actions are well-intentioned and beneficial for the child.

His actions are beneficial to the child.

In this situation, he does not recognize that his actions could be perceived as incorrect and is therefore unwilling to apologize.

However, you grew up in a different social environment than he did. In short, the social environment has changed. Presently, children begin their academic careers at an early age and enter a social environment that respects individuals.

Furthermore, our upbringing differed from that of our parents.

It can be stated that a significant generational divide exists between the two generations, which often results in conflicts.

What is the recommended course of action? It is advised that you strive to understand each other's perspectives and refrain from forcing changes upon others.

You may wish to consider researching your father's era and educational background. This could help you understand his behaviour better and realise that it is not uncommon for people of his generation to have displayed similar traits.

One option is to change yourself. You can view your family of origin as a hand of cards you've been dealt. The cards may not be optimal, but you must continue playing the hand.

There may be an opportunity to alter the situation and take action, but first you have to learn to accept your circumstances. Rather than dwelling on questions like "Why do I have a father who never apologizes?" or "Why is everyone else's family so warm and welcoming?"—which will not help you change or grow—you should focus on taking control of the situation.

I am unaware of your age, but I assume you are relatively young. You are currently in a position where you can request something from your father, but you should also be prepared to accept a rejection. I believe you have already had experience with this.

The remainder of the process is to focus on self-care, personal growth, and forming your own intimate relationships. There is a possibility that you may be able to reconcile with your father at some point in the future.

There are times when I feel that there is a great deal of helplessness and powerlessness in life. However, this is the reality, and there is no alternative but to accept it.

I am frequently both Buddhist and depressed, an intermittently optimistic and driven counselor, and I extend my appreciation to the world and to you.

Hello, question asker!

You seem angry and unsure of how to meet your own needs.

From childhood to adulthood, your father has never made you feel loved. No matter what wrongs and injuries you have suffered, your father has never comforted or protected you. He has only blindly blamed and criticized you, making you feel very bad. You deserve an apology from him. He should feel that he has failed in his duty and say sorry.

I once heard a story about a couple who often quarreled. The reason was that the husband felt that the wife spent money recklessly, while the wife felt that the husband was too stingy. The two even considered getting a divorce because of this. Later, the couple had a communication. The wife spent money recklessly because she grew up in a wealthy family and had developed the habit of spending money. The husband grew up in a poor family and worried about money every day, so he became more frugal in financial matters. After the two understood each other, they were also able to accept what they once considered to be shortcomings.

Your experiences are different from your father's, and you will react differently when encountering things. For example, your father was treated this way by his own father, so he will treat you this way when educating you. He himself will not feel that it is wrong.

We want comfort and protection from our fathers, but it may be difficult for them to provide it. They don't know how to give us the love we want.

In life and learning, we use words like stern, deep, persistent, and heavy-going to describe our fathers. This shows that many fathers are not good at expressing their feelings, bury their love deep in their hearts, and protect their children in their own way.

I once read this: "I always believe that parents love their children from the bottom of their hearts." However, I understand that because their personalities are not strong, they will vent their inner anger on their children, turn their inner repression into control of their children, and unintentionally project their inner fears on their innocent children.

The distorted parent-child relationship has not been treated fairly and responsibly from the very beginning.

It doesn't matter what your father does, you need to know that you are loved. If you can't change your father, you can become your own guardian angel. You have more energy than you think. You might not have a happy and peaceful life like other children, but that doesn't matter. Nirvana rebirth is not a life experience that everyone has.

Your heart is full of sunshine, not darkness. You choose to make every day bright. No one can stop you.

My father's love is like a towering mountain, protecting every tree and every green leaf in the storm. He is strong, and when he cries, he cries silently in his heart. My father is a signpost in life, leading us towards a bright future. The wrinkles on his face are the result of his hard work, glaring in the sun, but beautiful.

I am confident that the above will be of help to you.

Best regards!