I hope my mom will stop buying cheap cosmetics. How can I express this to her tactfully?

Hello. I can see you love your mother. You don't want to make her sad. You want to protect her.

Your mother buys you things you don't like. You tell her not to buy cheap, poor-quality things, but you can't change her mind. You feel sad.

If you don't like a gift from your mother, you can tell yourself that she loves you and that you love her. You can try to change your perspective. You will feel that the value of the invisible is more than the value of the tangible. Maybe in this way you will more easily accept the gift you don't like.

We can't change other people, but we can change our own feelings. Maybe you're uncomfortable with cheap items because you think they're poor quality or don't last.

If your mother likes to buy cheap things, let her. Buying things is about more than just the item. It's also about the mood. Perhaps your mother will feel that she has bought something cheap and useful if she buys something cheap.

You and your mother have more important things than material things.

I hope this helps.

Hello, question asker.

From your description, it's clear your mother loves you. Despite the financial challenges brought on by the pandemic, she still buys you gifts on important days to make you happy.

You love your mother and care about her feelings.

You want to find a better way to tell your mother what you think without hurting her feelings.

Find a day when everyone is calm and happy, then sit down and have a good chat with your mother.

Tell your mother:

Mom, I know you love and care for me very much. You want to create a sense of ritual on important days and buy me gifts to make me happy. I understand that, and I appreciate it.

The pandemic has hit our family hard. Our income has decreased, and we're struggling to make ends meet. We can only afford cheaper things.

I understand your intentions, Mom. Thank you for your gifts, but I don't want them.

Mom, these cosmetics have a strong, unpleasant smell and contain harmful chemicals. Using them will have a negative impact on my health. I know you don't want that.

Right? And all these other little things.

I don't like it either.

Mom, the pandemic is causing difficulties for the family, and I want to share the joys and sorrows with you. I am a member of the family, and I know what I'm talking about.

We'll buy fewer gifts in the future and save the money instead. When we've saved enough, we'll buy a gift I like and you can give it to me.

I will be happy to receive your heartfelt gift, and I will like the gift too. Mom, do you think this is a good idea?

I am confident that my advice will be of some help to you.

I want you and your mother to have a happy life every day.

From the concerns you shared, it's evident that you're a thoughtful child. You grasp your mother's affection for you and don't let yourself become too indulgent, knowing that your mother's love is there for you.

On the other hand, while experiencing this love, you can put yourself in your mother's shoes and consider her perspective. You also have a rational view of consumption, can understand your own needs, and have a measure of certainty within yourself about these needs.

Despite the impact of the pandemic on the family's finances, your mother continues to purchase gifts for you on a regular basis. It's likely that she hopes these gestures will bring you joy.

It seems that there is more to the difference between a pirated and an original product than just a matter of price. Perhaps it also requires a certain cultivated aesthetic sense to see. As a layperson, Mom may not be able to tell the difference, so it seems quite difficult to get her to buy the right thing.

Could you kindly let your mother know that you are happy she misses you, but that you are now an adult and would prefer a more mature gift for your birthday? Perhaps a meal or a movie would be more appropriate.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider ways in which your mother could express her love for you. It seems that she is already doing so in many ways, but you might be able to accept her gifts in a different way, or give her more choices to express her love for you. This could help her to feel more satisfied and accomplished, and it might not hurt her feelings.

It may seem, at least at first glance, that your mother is simply trying to make you happy. However, it's possible that what she really needs is the chance to express her love for you in a way that feels meaningful to her. If you can find a way to accept her love and give her the freedom to express it in a way that feels authentic to her, it will not only make her feel satisfied and accomplished, but it will also help you both feel more connected.

Love and being loved is a very delicate relationship, and there are many ways to show someone you care.

Perhaps the simplest form of expression is to consider things from the other person's perspective, as you do. This could be seen as an escalation of love.

And to understand the other person's feelings and create opportunities for the other person to express their love for you—this kind of love is even more advanced!

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

You still love your mother very much and care about her feelings. But you don't want to accept her "good intentions." What should we do at this time?

I've got some great advice for you!

It's time to understand why your mother likes to buy cheap things! See the reason behind her behavior and accept her as she is.

Have you ever wondered why my mother likes to buy cheap things? It would be so interesting to find out more about her upbringing!

Oh, I'd love to know if her mother, your grandmother, also liked to buy cheap things when she was little! And was the family financially well off when she was little?

Oh, I bet she often experienced a life without money and worry about money when she was a child!

Once we learn more about how my mother grew up, we'll see that her childhood material deprivation caused her a lot of insecurity and anxiety. This is why my mother still wants to save money and likes to buy cheap things. This has become a behavioral pattern for her, and she is comfortable and safe in this pattern. Therefore, if you ask her to buy expensive things, she will resist and reject it.

When we can see the reasons behind our mother's behavior, we can understand her better. When we understand that this is a pattern she has had for decades, and that it is difficult for her to change if she does not want to, we can better accept her for the way she is. At this point, when you see her buying cheap things again, you will not be bothered because you know that your mother is just the way she is and you accept her for it!

2. You can also tell your mother how you feel and what you think through effective communication. This is a great way to build a stronger relationship with her!

Have you heard of the book "Nonviolent Communication"? It's a fantastic book that introduces a revolutionary way of communicating: nonviolent communication. This amazing technique allows you to achieve the effect of not letting her buy you this kind of thing again without hurting her feelings.

First, when communicating with your mother, remember that you are not being judgmental or accusatory. Stay objective and neutral in your attitude. Choose a good time (when you are both in a good mood) and say to her in a gentle tone, "Mom, I didn't really like the puff you bought me last time, but you went to the trouble of buying it for me. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I also have my own needs. Now that I'm grown up, I hope that there are some things I can buy for myself. I also hope that you can respect me and give me some independence. In the future, can I buy things like the puff and (mention the things you want to buy for yourself)?

Then you can listen to what your mother has to say, hear her feelings and thoughts, and what her needs are. In this way, through communication and interaction, you can actually negotiate a solution that satisfies both of you! For example, your mother can give you money, and then you can limit the price range when making your choice. I think maybe both of you will accept it!

3. Find a way to meet both your needs and your mother's—and you'll be amazed at how easy it is!

Your conflict is actually quite superficial! Mum likes to buy cheap things, but she can't pick good quality ones. You value product quality more, and you can also buy cheaper ones for the price, right?

So, you can find common ground in your needs! You both want to buy things that are of guaranteed quality and not expensive. As you said, you can recommend that your mother buy things that are affordable, good, and safe. Sometimes, you can even go shopping with her to pick out the things and tell her what you like, which can also enhance your understanding of each other.

I think you'll find that if the prices are similar, the quality of the products from the brand you recommend is better. I'm sure your mother will be delighted to choose a good value for money too!

I really hope this helps! Best regards,

Hello, I got your question and I think you're a very thoughtful person. I'll give you a hug first.

You say your mother has bought you a lot of cosmetics and decorations that aren't authentic, which is different from what you expected. You want to remind her not to do this, but you're afraid of hurting her feelings.

Before I give you some advice, I'd like to share a few things I've learned along the way. Why do we repeat certain behaviors? What are some of the reasons behind this?

In psychology, B. F. Skinner put forward the operant conditioning theory of behaviorism.

The theory basically says that when you do something that makes you feel good, or what we call a "reward," it causes your brain to release a substance called dopamine. This substance makes you feel happy, so you'll do the same thing again and again to experience this feeling again.

There are rewards, which we call "positive feedback," and conversely, removing rewards or causing us to feel unpleasant, which is called "negative feedback."

So, why did your mother start buying you small gifts in the first place? It might have been because she loved seeing the smile on her daughter's face when she received the gift. Your mother is happy because you are happy, so this makes it easier for her to keep doing so.

On the other hand, if your mother's behavior is becoming a burden for you, you might want to learn how to "refuse nicely."

How can we share our feelings with our mothers in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings? Here are a few ideas:

First, thank the other person for their kindness.

Mothers want to show their love, not buy things to make their daughters accept them. When we understand our mothers' intentions, we should let go of our preconceptions and thank them or give them a hug.

Second, showing love isn't the same as giving objects.

Your mom gives you things because she loves you. You're sad because you don't want to hurt her feelings by refusing her gifts. The problem is not the gifts, but our mistaken belief that love can be bought.

Let your mom know that you love her no matter what. When she gives you things, it's not about the gifts, it's about the love. When she knows you love her, she won't feel sad because you don't need her gifts to feel loved. When we're loved, we can express our true feelings without fear of hurting each other.

Third, be honest with your thoughts.

You can let your mother know that you've grown up and sometimes want to choose what you like. You may not know what it is yet, or if you do, you can just buy it with a photo or on Taobao.com. But if your mother wants to give you a gift, you should make that clear.

If you don't want your mother to spend money on buying you things all the time, you can also explain to her that you don't really need it all the time, and that you can consider buying it once every one or two months. This will give you time to think, or we can save the money and buy something more useful.

It might seem a bit harsh to refuse someone, but not being able to say no can cause more problems. If you go against your feelings and give the wrong impression to the other person, it's also hypocritical. So learning to say no nicely is important.

We'll eventually grow up and move out of our parents' homes. We'll always keep this love in our hearts and incorporate it into our lives.

I hope you can learn to love yourself and also care for others.

Best of luck!

Hello! I give you a 360-degree hug!

First of all, I want to say that there is probably no suitable way to tell your mother not to buy cheap cosmetics without hurting her feelings. But that's okay! It is just that she will be sad no matter what.

The difference is only in the degree of sadness, but there's so much more to celebrate!

But it's also clear from your question that your mother actually loves you very much, and you love her too! The only thing is, the way the two of you show your love for each other isn't the way the other person wants it — but that's okay!

Your mother shows you love in the best way possible: by buying you lots of things! Unfortunately, the family is financially strained, so the things she buys are of poor quality. But she hopes that you will like them!

She probably doesn't expect you to understand, but that's okay! From her point of view, with a tight budget, small decorations and cosmetics are not necessities and are not worth the money.

But she knows you like it, so she's happy to spend a little extra to buy it for you. Although the quality may not be the best, it's definitely better in terms of quantity!

I think your mother is also quite torn. She wants to give her child the best, and she will! She can't, so she can only make herself feel a little better by buying a few things that are fun and compensate for the lack of quality with quantity.

For you, because of different consumption concepts, you prefer something small but exquisite, such as blind boxes. You like them, but you want to buy authentic products with good quality, otherwise you would probably rather buy less or not at all. At the same time, you feel for your mother, and you are probably moved and helpless when you see her clumsily trying to do things her own way to be kind to you. Aren't you also a little bit worried about your mother?

Your emotions are probably very complex, and that's totally normal!

You want to be nice to your mother and hope that she will buy some affordable, high-quality, and safe products. But I don't know if the affordable you are talking about is the same as what your mother understands and accepts. I guess there is still some difference, which is great because it means you can have a friendly discussion about it. For example, you think 10 yuan is affordable, but your mother may think 2 yuan is affordable.

For example, I think that two or three hundred yuan for a pair of pants is already very cheap, given the current price level. But my mother thinks that a pair of pants that cost ten yuan is very good—and she's absolutely right!

Sometimes, it's really hard to convince them. But don't worry! You can ask your mother what she thinks the price of a very common item is, and then think about how much you think it's appropriate. You'll probably see a big difference!

It's all down to differences in upbringing and social environment!

I don't know your age, but judging from your writing, you were either in college or just graduated from high school. You probably don't have a lot of money either, but that's okay!

If you want to change your mother's spending habits, you can try buying things for her yourself and paying when you go shopping together. You can be firm and buy things with good value for money. It'll be so rewarding to see her appreciate your thoughtful purchases!

She may feel that her child has grown up and is disobedient, but seeing you earn your own money to buy her things may make her sad, but also feel relieved. This is a great opportunity for you to show her how much you love her!

Absolutely! Try to understand your mother, and then you can gradually love her in your own way.

I am often a Buddhist and sometimes a positive and motivated counselor. The world and I love you!

Dear Reader, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to address some concerns you have raised. Firstly, I would like to reassure you that your mother's habit of buying cheap things has not changed. She will continue to purchase items that you do not want, but you are too embarrassed to refuse. I understand your concern that your refusal may hurt your mother's feelings. However, I believe this is a projection. Secondly, I would like to address your question about whether you are afraid of rejection in interpersonal relationships. I can understand your concern, but I believe you are capable of making demands on others. I hope this information is helpful. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any further questions. Best regards, [Name

Good day.

Your confusion prompts me to cite a common phenomenon in life: hoarding. Material deprivation in early life has led many people to hoard items. Despite the current abundance of material goods, this behavior has not changed with the improvement of economic living standards.

This approach is diametrically opposed to the current trend of minimalism. Regardless of who is right or wrong, who is good or bad, it is simply a method of adapting and coping with the prevailing circumstances.

In 2019, the pandemic began to spread rapidly. In order to address this sudden fear and great uncertainty, each of us began to prioritize thrift and hoarding. This approach can help us navigate difficulties and mitigate risks.

As our understanding of the virus evolves, the current situation is becoming more manageable and returning to a state of normalcy. However, your mother's tendency to purchase inexpensive items persists.

Your mother will purchase items for you that you do not desire, yet you are too embarrassed to decline. You are concerned that your refusal will upset your mother. I believe this is a form of projection.

Do you experience discomfort when faced with the possibility of rejection in interpersonal interactions?

Please describe your ability to make demands of others.

Do you have the ability to decline requests from others without difficulty?

It is important to note that declining a request from your mother does not inherently cause harm. It is possible that you are hesitant to do so because you are uncomfortable with the idea of rejecting others.

I believe that saying "no" to your mother requires courage, as does accepting rejection from her.

You may decline in a tactful or direct manner.

Should your mother become angry or distressed, you should be confident that you can repair the relationship and that she will adjust her behaviour to enable you and your mother to coexist harmoniously while respecting each other's boundaries.

Best regards,