I look forward to a response when doing something. How should I adjust my current state?

Good day, my name is Zeyu.

I'll be frank: you're not alone in expecting a response from others. Many people have this need and expectation, including me.

You mentioned the hope of "always wanting to get a lot of likes and comments after posting on Weibo." I also have this kind of hope. In the past, I was also troubled by my own expectations and concerns. I would be happy if others' comments were positive, but unhappy if they were negative.

It is not problematic to have expectations; this is an instinctive reaction that we are born with. However, it is problematic to regard the response from others as a measure of our "goodness" or "badness" because others may not be able to respond to us in time, and the content of the response will also vary from person to person. This process is full of uncertainty.

There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be noticed and valued. However, if this is causing distress, it is necessary to address the situation. One effective way to alter expectations is to allow oneself to expect, and to embrace happiness or unhappiness in the moment. When we can accept the response we expect from others and care about what others think, we will prioritize our internal needs.

It is also possible to consider what we require. Should we wish to be seen, we can demonstrate our strengths in a variety of ways to fulfil this need. If this is not something you feel able to do, it may be helpful to ask yourself whether there are any benefits or insights other than feeling lost and unhappy when you are not noticed.

Furthermore, we can explore ways to repair this aspect through inner growth and introspection.

It is important to recognise that initiating change is not a straightforward process for anyone. While there may be a range of methods and approaches that are not directly applicable to our circumstances, the key is to be open to exploring different avenues and being willing to adapt our approach as needed. With the right mindset and a willingness to experiment, we can eventually identify solutions that align with our unique needs and goals.

Farewell, my friend.

You're not alone in this fight, and neither am I.

Whenever a new update is posted, they just can't help but keep an eye on it, waiting for people to pay attention and respond.

I've also realized that this is really tiring and meaningless. It's exhausting and boring to keep going like this. So I started to think: why is this the case?

[Ostrich mentality]

We all have a tendency to avoid problems, don't we? It's human nature! But sometimes, it can be a bit of an ostrich mentality, burying our heads in the sand when we're faced with challenges. It's like the ostrich that hides its head in the sand when it's cornered.

In reality, we all crave a little more warmth and connection in our lives. That's why so many of us turn to the internet for emotional support. Whether we're chatting with friends or strangers, we can interact with others without seeing their faces. It's a great way to feel safe and loved.

[Hidden self]

Carl Jung said something really interesting: "Everyone has a part of themselves that they don't know."

It's becoming more and more common for folks to hide their true selves. It's tough for them to open up to the people around them. They interact with each other with masks on, while expressing their true selves online.

We all have expectations and hopes, don't we? And we all desire to meet good friends with the same frequency and resonance. We also want to be truly seen and recognized, to establish connections with others, and to search for support.

I've got another method for you! It's called the attention diversion method.

The distraction method is a great way to shift your focus away from negative emotions and onto something more positive. (——quoted from Baidu Encyclopedia)

I really hope this helps! Set a new goal that you are passionate about, such as reading, exercising, or getting a pet. Spend a lot of time and energy on it every day. While enjoying the happiness, it will slowly weaken the anxiety.

I really hope my sharing can bring you some light and happiness!

I wish you a wonderful world and lots of love! ?

Hello! I totally get it. I always unconsciously check to see what comments and recognitions there are. After reading them, I feel at a loss and even doubt whether it is because my answer was not good enough or because no one else has seen it. This can easily trigger anxiety and obsessive behavior.

Later on, I had a major shift in perspective:

My motivation is to help!

I've answered tons of questions on different Q&A platforms and dating sites, and I'm thrilled to say that my original intention was to help others. It makes me so happy when I see that the people I've helped can get out of their troubles!

Due to various factors, I cannot help everyone, but my original intention has not changed. I still insist on helping others as my starting point, using my professional knowledge and personal experience to help others without deliberately seeking rewards. And I'm excited to do it!

Therefore, I always try my best to help others! If I don't get a response, it may be because my knowledge and experience can't truly solve their problems, or it may be because they've already solved their problems.

2. My expectations

I love helping others and answering questions! I really enjoy getting responses and recognition, and I also love hearing opinions and criticism. It's a great way to improve myself. I'm excited to gain the approval of others and to keep improving!

If your expression or theory doesn't solve the other person's problem, I'm sure they'll let you know!

And there's more! When I answer questions, I don't get a kick out of feeling superior. I'm all for equality, respect, reciprocity, and mutual assistance!

Your expectations are changeable and based on objective reality. This means you can easily adjust your expectations to align with reality. While this can sometimes lead to frustration, it's also an opportunity to learn and grow.

3. Objective reality and empathy

When answering a question, you may have already surpassed the stage of the other person's confusion or doubt. It is possible that the other person did not see the answer and therefore did not respond. It may be that economic factors, traffic factors, and other restrictions have caused your answer to go unnoticed. It may be that your answer really did not meet the other person's focus, so there was no response. But that's okay! There are so many possibilities.

It doesn't matter why. The result is that you haven't received a response, and that's an objective reality. A person's outstandingness depends on their environment and social background. Different people have different environments and rules for adapting to society, so naturally the possibility of empathy is relatively low.

But that just means you're even better!

Based on objective reality, it's a great idea to learn to think from other people's perspectives! If I have a question and within my own knowledge, there is an expected result, if the other person's answer or point of view goes against mine, I'll have to adjust my thinking.

I really hope it can help you!

Best of luck!

Hello!

Host:

I took the time to read your post and I could see that you were looking forward to a response after doing something. I also noticed that you were brave enough to express your doubts and actively seek help on the platform. This will help you to understand yourself better and recognize your own worth.

I'd love to share my observations and thoughts from the post, which I hope will help the poster to view the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. Let's take a closer look at the message behind the behavior.

From a psychological perspective, our behavior is an external manifestation of our mental activity. This means that there is a psychological motive or psychological need hidden behind our behavior. In the post, the host mentioned that you look forward to a response when you do something. You always hope that you can get a lot of likes and comments when you post on Weibo. If there are a lot of them, you will be very happy! But if there aren't, you might feel a bit lost and unhappy.

But whether or not there are any likes, you'll keep refreshing the post in the hope that it will be seen by many people.

I totally get it! We all want others to like and comment on our posts. At the same time, I'd love to explore the psychology behind your actions with you.

You do things in the hope of getting a response from them, and when they respond, you feel happy. If they don't, you feel a bit lost and unhappy. So, what does this response mean to you?

I'd love for you to think about this, host. I'd also love to share my observations and thoughts with you.

In today's world, where social media is everywhere, many of us feel the need to share our lives with others. After sharing, many of us, like the host, look forward to likes and comments from others. These likes and comments mean recognition and being seen by others. Even some good comments will make us feel a sense of value.

So, for the host, what does other people's response mean to you?

2. How to satisfy our own needs

We've looked at the needs behind our behavior, so now let's explore how we can satisfy our needs! Psychological research mentions three ways of satisfaction.

The first is to ask others to satisfy us. The second is to let someone else satisfy us; the third is to satisfy ourselves.

As a host, you're naturally looking for a response from others.

It's natural to expect others to satisfy our needs. When they do, we feel happy. But there's one thing to keep in mind: we can't control how others respond to us. As you mentioned, if people don't like or comment on your posts,

So, at this time, we might feel a little lost and unhappy. Should we give the initiative of our emotions to others?

So, in psychology, we really encourage you to focus on satisfying your own needs. After all, you can only control yourself, and you need to seek within to grow.

It also means taking responsibility for our own growth.

Then, you might be wondering, how can you meet your own needs? We can try to look at it from a different angle. For instance, if our dear friend has such a need, how would we satisfy him?

So, let's try to get along with ourselves like friends and satisfy our needs like friends.

3. Treat yourself to some self-care!

Have you ever wondered what it means to enrich your inner self? It's a beautiful journey that begins when we recognize that the more a person lacks within, the more they are affected by external comments.

It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes. We all have our own unique journey to navigate, and it's not always easy to recognize ourselves fully. We all need a little help sometimes to recognize our own existence and value. That's okay! We can learn and grow from external feedback.

And that's how he'll see his own value and feel his own existence.

So for the host, you may be able to enrich your inner self and fill your heart with abundance through learning and other means. And if that happens, I think you will meet a better version of yourself, which would be so wonderful!

And if you want to learn, I'm here to help! I can share some knowledge of psychology with you that I think will be really useful.

I really hope these will be helpful and inspiring for you! If you'd like to learn more about communication, you can also click on Find a Coach to enter the one-on-one chat service. That way, I can help you even more!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm just as modest and self-effacing as ever!

♥ Expectations are because there is still love!

I think you must be a person who is full of love for life if you're able to express your feelings and status on social media! There are still so many feelings you want to express, and you're looking forward to meeting people who resonate with you. That's why you're especially looking forward to getting people's responses—the response itself represents people's reading and resonance with your expressed state!

It's totally normal to want to find those feelings and be seen, and to want our posts to be meaningful. It's a common psychological feeling that most people have when posting their statuses. So, let's just be open about this sense of gain and loss.

It's so lovely when posts or comments can arouse empathy and get most people interacting and discussing. This is mostly caused by hotspots and events that people are paying attention to. On the one hand, hotspots attract traffic, and on the other, people are eager to have enough channels to express their feelings, which puts demands on the content of the post. Therefore, we need to combine the content with our own expectations, so that we won't be too disappointed.

♥ Here's a little something to help you adjust your state of mind.

It really depends on the situation! If our posts are just about sharing selfies, our daily itinerary, or our feelings about life, we can think of them as a record of our daily lives. Those who care about us can just read them and interact with us if they want to!

If you're a high-quality content producer and want your posts to be seen by more people, it's important to think about your content. This might create a bit of pressure and higher expectations for yourself, but it's totally normal! The response you expect is your own affirmation, so it's good to have a different mentality to welcome it in different states and realities.

I've found that an accurate distinction is the simplest way to balance our inner selves. When we make our inner selves simpler, we can actually feel that the impact of other people's situations on us is not as strong as we thought. Once we get to this point, we can see our true inner expectations and feel the meaning of posting itself for us. If we make a simple matter too emotional, it can naturally bring a certain amount of pain.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question owner! I am Jia Ao, and I'm excited to help!

I can see that you are pouring out your heart and confessing your troubles on the platform. You say that you always look forward to getting a response from others no matter what you do. For example, you always want to get a lot of likes and comments on your posts, and you will feel very sad and disappointed if you don't. When there is no response, you will keep refreshing the post to get it seen by more people. I don't know how you should adjust yourself, but I'm sure you'll figure it out!

It's totally normal to want recognition from others when you're doing something. It's a way to find your sense of existence and feel like you matter! As long as you're alive, you'll want to be responded to. But don't let it become a burden.

I'm excited to hear your responses! How can I adjust myself to make the most of it?

? To answer your question, let me help you analyze and sort it out:

[Be aware of your emotions]

Over-expecting is a result of insecurity and a lack of self-awareness. It's time to focus on yourself! You've been focusing too much on other people, never really paying attention to your own emotions and feelings. You've been putting yourself in a low position, and taking other people's opinions and comments too seriously. But you can change this! If you are aware of this problem, you should work even harder in the future to focus on your own things, take control of your emotions, and not look for a sense of existence and security from other people. The only sense of security that is real is the one you give yourself.

[Lower your expectations]

Lower your expectations of the outcome, do your best, and prepare for the worst. You've got this! Lower your expectations of the outcome, and if it doesn't go as planned, no worries! When the outcome turns out to be the worst, you'll be ready for it. If you really write a post that no one pays attention to or likes, just think of it as if you wrote it for yourself. And if someone gives you positive feedback, that's even more of a surprise! It's most meaningful not to focus too much on the outcome. Think about it, and remember, you've got this!

[Distract yourself]

If you find that you still can't overcome it, don't worry! You can appropriately distract yourself. Don't keep focusing on one thing. Do something that interests you to cheer yourself up a bit: listen to music, exercise, go shopping, hang out with friends, whatever you want, as long as it makes you temporarily stop thinking about that thing. You'll get there! Slowly, you will forget that feeling and not be as anxious and restless as before. You can also encourage and affirm yourself in due course.

[Face your own problems]

The more you avoid it, the more the problem exists. It is better to face it directly, without avoiding or backing down. Once you've recognized your own root problem, it's time to think of more ways to solve the current problem! If you feel anxious about wanting to gain the approval of others, try to accept yourself as you are, and then make an effort to gain the approval of others. Form such a positive flow of mind, and you'll be amazed at how you can constantly improve your own problems!

[Maintain a calm state of mind]

Everyone wants to be recognized and affirmed by others, and you can do it! Before gaining the recognition of others, they fall into mental depletion, constantly doubting and negating themselves. So you have to try to keep your mind calm, actively adjust your mentality, and remain calm whether you get recognition and response from others or not. Neither get too excited, nor be sad and grief-stricken. Once you master this skill, you can handle anything in the future with ease. If you really want to be recognized by others, just work hard to achieve it. You can try all these tips, which may bring you great improvement in the future. I wish you success!

I really hope my answer helps you! The world and I love you ♥

Hello! I saw your question and I think it's great that you always expect a response from others. It's the same with posting on Weibo – you always hope to get lots of likes and comments. If there are a lot, you'll be really happy, but if there aren't, you'll feel a bit lost and unhappy.

That's what I do too! If I answer the questioner's question or write a dynamic post, I also hope to get recognition from others, a like, or a few comments.

I think this is true for most of us: we want to be recognized by others because we know our efforts will be rewarded, and we seek self-confidence and respect from others.

If you don't want a response, then why not make a statement on a public online social platform?

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a great guide to understanding how we develop and grow. It shows us that when our basic physiological and safety needs are met, we start to seek social connections and the need for respect and self-realization. It's so inspiring to see how we evolve and flourish as we move towards higher levels of need satisfaction!

Moreover, I think you are very brave and persistent. You will keep asking questions until you get an answer. Taking action and being persistent are good qualities and indispensable character traits for success. I really hope you can keep them!

Absolutely! It's great to want to be recognized by others. No need to make any adjustments or changes at the moment.

I think you should definitely consider how you can apply your amazing persistence and strong sense of initiative to your current work, career, and life path. I'm sure you'll be able to achieve your ideals and create a better life!

I really hope my interpretation is helpful!

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, your coach, Fei Yun.

I totally get it. We all want to be affirmed, understood, and accepted by others. Being seen can really satisfy our emotional needs.

It's like when you post something on Weibo and hope for likes and comments. We all want to be seen, affirmed, and accepted, don't we? Behind every action is a need we want to be met.

When we recognize our emotions and this need, we have the right to choose.

1. Weibo can bring up some unmet needs from your past.

It's totally normal to want to be seen and recognized. It can even go back to your childhood, when your parents' needs weren't met.

It's so important to remember that the company a child receives from their parents, the parenting style, and even the parents' marital and emotional status can have a profound impact on a person.

Take it from me, I know this from my own experience. I grew up with criticism, blame, and negation from my parents. I had a low sense of worth, I was prone to inferiority complexes, I was sensitive and suspicious, and I doubted and denied myself.

And when they become adults, they also hope to get more attention, affirmation, and recognition from others and from concrete actions.

On the other hand, parents who often praise and affirm their children will help them to feel good about themselves. This will help them to be confident and full of life!

2. How can I boost my self-confidence?

It's totally normal to feel anxious in the current state of affairs. We've all been there! It's so hard to be at peace in the present moment when you're constantly refreshing the page.

It's totally normal to not like or comment on something. It's just your mind playing tricks on you. It's like you're telling yourself, "I'm not good enough, not worthy of recognition, not worthy of attention/receiving..."

It's so easy to constantly seek outside of ourselves, and in doing so, we often find ourselves suffering because we're not getting what we want. But when we do this, we're actually handing over the right to choose to others, which isn't always the best thing for us.

It's so important to stay aware of your feelings, including any anxiety you might be experiencing. It's also helpful to recognize that your anxiety might be a sign that you need more attention. At the same time, it's worth asking yourself, besides scrolling through your feed and waiting for likes, what other ways are there to meet your needs?

Confidence. A deeper understanding is having confidence in oneself and being confident in the future. There's absolutely no need to "prove everything" because you're already rich inside! You'll never doubt or deny yourself because of what you do or don't do, or whether you do it right or wrong.

You can start with the simplest thing: give yourself a good review, self-affirmation, self-appreciation, and self-praise. Love yourself, and you will be accepted by others.

Face the sunshine, be confident, and happy! I want to live my life to the fullest. Have faith and face the challenge! Believe in yourself and you can do it! These slogans can also help you feel empowered.

I really hope this has been helpful for you, and for the world! And I just want to say, I love you! ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click the "Find a Coach" button in the bottom right corner to start a conversation.

Good day, host. My name is July.

After reviewing your description, I believe I understand the question you are seeking to ask. In that case, I will provide you with a hug in four dimensions.

From the issues you have outlined, it is evident that you have a comprehensive understanding of your current situation. However, you may require a more structured approach to effectively address these challenges. It is therefore advisable to allow yourself sufficient time to navigate these issues, while avoiding excessive pressure. Excessive pressure may impede your ability to effectively address these challenges.

It is worth noting that the situation you are currently facing is not uncommon. The desire for external validation, in the form of praise and comments, is often indicative of a deeper sense of emptiness. This makes you eager to seek such recognition and attention, as they can boost your confidence. Based on the description you provided, it seems that you are a person who lacks confidence in your abilities. This makes you eager to compensate for your perceived shortcomings through external responses.

It is also a standard practice to make up for any deficiencies. By identifying your core objectives, you can develop a more effective solution.

In this regard, I have also summarized some methods to help alleviate the current situation, and I hope they prove useful to you.

(1) It is recommended that you confront your deepest fears directly, rather than avoiding them. Prolonged avoidance may exacerbate your current sense of discomfort.

(2) It is important to relax and be yourself. It is crucial to recognize that external recognition is not as important as your genuine self-perception. Therefore, it is essential to give yourself the courage to be authentic.

(3) From beginning to end, it is crucial to prioritize your own satisfaction and avoid placing undue emphasis on external responses. Your well-being is of paramount importance, not the external validation you may receive. It is essential to allow sufficient time to adjust your current state and avoid excessive pressure on yourself.

(4) It is advisable to remain calm and avoid placing excessive expectations on others, as this can lead to a high level of dependency and potential complications in the response.

(5) It is advisable to adjust your expectations of others' responses, as elevated expectations can lead to fluctuations in mood and feelings of insecurity. It is therefore prudent to proceed with caution and avoid excessive expectations.

The world and I extend our best regards to you.

Please accept my best wishes.