I really hate a roommate, I hate her vanity. What should I do if she is depressed for two years?

It would be beneficial to organize your thoughts first.

I have a negative opinion of Roommate A, who I believe to be vain. I also have reservations about Roommate B, who seems to get along well with Roommate A. I am reluctant to take the initiative to please Roommate B, as I have a poor relationship with both Roommates and tend to ignore them. My negative mood is affecting my studies.

I would like to discuss a few questions together.

1. The questioner has a negative opinion of roommate A's personality. "I get annoyed when I see her." What is the reason? She is very vain, but that is her own business. Even if she is "putting on an act," it will not cause any substantial harm to the questioner.

It is possible that other roommates and classmates will ignore her vanity or engage in a discussion when they hear about it, and it will not have a negative impact on their moods. However, the questioner in particular finds it challenging to interact with someone with this personality. Why is this the case?

A theory in psychology posits that our emotions are not so much affected by the event itself, but rather by our attitude towards it. In light of this, it would be beneficial to undertake a thorough examination of the questioner's attitude towards the roommate's words and actions, and to identify its root causes.

Recalling a similar incident from the past evoked a sense of anger that may have been suppressed or overlooked at the time.

It is futile to expect that hating and ignoring the other person will result in a change of their behavior. The only way to alter your own emotions is to alter your attitude.

2. The relationship with roommate B is unclear. It may be due to her positive relationship with A, which has caused a chain reaction, or because she and B have different personalities.

If you have attempted to communicate proactively but received a negative response, there is no need to expend further effort on a relationship that is not a priority. It is important to recognise that energy is limited and there are other, more pressing matters to attend to.

I believe that good relationships require long-term interaction and adjustment to build up. This is true for colleagues, roommates, and romantic partners alike. From good relationships, both parties can gain support and growth, and more importantly, the emotional value given to each other.

Emotional control is a critical skill for adults. It is a key factor in determining success in college, at work, in intimate relationships, and at home. To control emotions, you must first define emotions, understand emotions, pay attention to your inner self, discover the origins and triggers of your emotions, and find ways to release negative emotions without harming yourself or others.

There are numerous books and courses on this topic that can assist you in understanding and improving your emotional intelligence. They will be invaluable in resolving your current emotional distress and maintaining a stable mood when facing more people and situations in the future.