I really like her, but she's not my girlfriend's first. What if I have a virgin complex?

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

"I like her, but she's not a virgin. What should I do?" Let's start with the virgin complex.

In ancient times, a woman's virginity was used to judge her purity and fidelity. This led to the virgin complex under patriarchal culture.

What does the virgin complex represent? Having a virgin complex does not mean the person has a problem. It does not mean the person is liberal or feudalistic.

The value behind the complex is important. The complex represents value. You are the first time she is not. This is a difference in value. This is like commodity trading.

The origin of the knot can be seen as the effect of the psychology of exclusivity. People are selfish, especially in love. We hope that everything about the other person is exclusive to you. But the reality is that the other person has a former partner and is not a virgin. If we care about it and don't want it to be true, then the virgin complex will always exist. What you can't get is always good. To make changes, we have to accept reality.

If you like someone, you care about their past. But her past includes ex-boyfriends and others. Getting out of a virgin love relationship affects us. We have to decide what's important. There's nothing wrong with loving someone. But love includes acceptance and commitment.

If you like someone but only accept some parts of them, you're being selective. Truly loving someone means accepting the good parts and trying to accept the parts you don't like.

Hello, question asker!

I was pretty surprised to see this question!

I think it's really brave of you to ask this question. Well done!

We've been living in a feudal society for thousands of years! It's been overthrown, but its legacy still exists in people's minds and is passed down from generation to generation. One of these is the virgin complex.

When we were at school, some schools had stricter discipline to help us study hard and not get involved with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Even if boys and girls talked a lot, they would spread rumors. Or the teacher might just think there was something wrong with you and force boys and girls to be separated. Do you like this kind of social environment?

Luckily, we were born into a new society, but nobody ever explained to us about emotions. So, we had to figure it out for ourselves! What does it mean to "like" someone? What does it mean to have "mutual affection"? Is it one-sided love, or is it two-way?

It would be so great to find success with your first love, have a happy ending after just one relationship, and be the first person in love! But then I think, life is not a straight line connecting two points. It's more like a wave, with ups and downs.

Go to the beach and watch the waves roll in. That's just how life goes!

I wonder if this complex was influenced by a book or a film?

If you do, you can always look back and see it again with a more mature, adult perspective. Do you have any new ideas?

Everyone has a past, and that's okay! Do you like her the way she is now or the way she was in the past? When you met her, think about all her attractive qualities. The future is with you now, and she is the one who will accompany you on the road to the future. You always think about someone else. Are you in love with her ex?

Because if you love someone, you will always think of them. I'm also guessing that you are also the winner in this relationship. She is now by your side, isn't she?

If you're not interested in a threesome and her ex is popping up in your life, just let your girlfriend know it's time to move on and focus on the future. If you tell her that, it might make her wonder what you really feel about her.

You care about her now, and I'm sure you'll be able to keep this new person out of your lives.

You know, you could also talk to a professional counselor if you want to. I don't fully understand why your girlfriend brought this up, but I'm sure she has her reasons. It's probably best to ask her some questions and get her thoughts on the matter. Maybe she wants you to love her more? It's possible. But even if she doesn't, it's still important to understand her feelings.

Frankness depends on the time, place, and situation. It's not a necessity in life, but I'm sure you'll find that mature people will know how to speak tactfully in the right situation.

I really hope your future is going to be bright!

You are a male partner in a romantic relationship with your girlfriend, which has been in progress for two years. Despite the overall positive trajectory of the relationship, you still experience a sense of unease regarding the first sexual encounter.

One attempts to love her, yet one is unable to cease thinking about her and her former partner. One does not wish to cause her pain, yet one still experiences a modicum of discomfort.

It is evident that you possess a kind and loving disposition towards your partner. You endeavour to suppress your inner thoughts and feelings in order to demonstrate love and affection towards her. Additionally, you are actively seeking solutions to the challenges you have faced in the past two years. I empathise with the difficulties you have experienced. Initially, I will offer you a warm embrace.

It is evident that you are grappling with an internal conflict. On the one hand, you empathize with your girlfriend, are reluctant to cause her pain, and aspire to love her genuinely. On the other hand, your past experiences have shaped your perspective, leading you to attach significant importance to the "first time," which creates a sense of cognitive dissonance within you.

In modern society, there has been a gradual shift in the way people understand and engage with sexual activity. The degree of freedom in this regard has increased significantly compared to the past. Premarital sexual activity has also become a common phenomenon.

It was not the first instance, and there may have been some feelings of regret, but it was not a significant error. This is a relatively common occurrence in contemporary society.

The question thus arises as to why so many people continue to attach such significance to the "first time."

Some individuals adhere to the belief that females will develop a distinctive attachment to the individual with whom they engage in sexual intercourse for the first time. This attachment is perceived to be so profound that it may persist even after the dissolution of the relationship.

This recalls an experiment conducted by psychologist Lorenz. In this experiment, a mother goose was observed hatching her eggs. As she watched, the eggs began to crack, and the baby geese were about to be born. However, Lorenz then caused the mother goose to become extremely agitated, which resulted in the baby geese seeing him as their first stimulus upon being born.

Consequently, the goslings followed Lorenz throughout their lives and regarded him as their mother. This phenomenon is known as imprinting.

Subsequent researchers have conducted further investigations into this phenomenon and have discovered that the effect is time-limited. This implies that the goslings must be shown a person or animal to follow for a specific period of time in order to consider them "mothers." After a certain period of time, this effect dissipates.

If we utilize this experimental framework as a reference, it is plausible that females will recall their "first time" with a high degree of vividness and develop distinctive sentiments towards the individual with whom they had their "first time." However, over time, if they encounter some form of negative feedback, this effect will be diminished.

To illustrate, the initial experience may have been a positive one, but subsequent interactions revealed the other person to be prone to violence, thereby negating the initial positive sentiment. This represents a negative reinforcement, whereby the initial positive memory will gradually fade. From the description provided, it seems that each time the topic is mentioned, the girlfriend displays a tendency to become visibly distressed. This suggests that the negative reinforcement may have served to heighten her awareness of the situation.

However, given that time is irreversibly elapsed, it is not possible to alter the past. In accordance with the ABC theory, event A, perception or behavior B, and result C are the three key elements.

In the case under discussion, A represents the fact that the girlfriend's "first" experience was not with the subject, B indicates that the subject considers this point to be important, and C denotes that the subject is currently in a state of internal depletion. As A cannot be modified, if the objective is to alter C from a state of internal depletion, it is necessary to adjust B.

One might inquire whether this point is truly of paramount importance.

One might inquire, for instance, whether the following questions are applicable:

1) Are you satisfied with your relationship with her?

2) Have you considered the future prospects of your relationship?

3) What type of life do you envision for yourselves together?

...

If the responses to these inquiries are readily apparent, it signifies that one's heart has genuinely contemplated the significance of various factors. In the event that such introspection has not yet occurred, it would be prudent to engage in such reflection.

It may be challenging initially to refrain from contemplating her past. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that dwelling on the past may impede progress. Instead, it is essential to recognize the present and future as the primary focus. Furthermore, it is possible to view the situation from a different perspective. If her past were to be erased, it is possible that the two of you would not have been destined to be together.

I am a heart exploration coach, Tianyang, and I wish you well.

Hello, question asker.

I am a listening therapist on the platform, and I am here to give you feedback.

You've been dating your girlfriend for two years, but you're still confused. It's because of the "virgin complex" in your heart. It's always uncomfortable, like there's a lump in your throat.

Given your expectations, I am committed to continuing to develop with my girlfriend and to being with her wholeheartedly. I am willing to adjust myself to make this happen. As a frank person with such aspirations, you deserve our praise.

You recognize your virgin complex but it hasn't affected your determination to get involved with your girlfriend. This shows your relationship is very deep. Secondly, it may also imply that you doubt this concept.

Let's be honest with ourselves and ask: where does this "virgin complex" come from?

You grew up in a relatively traditional family, so your values about men and women are traditional. This will affect your views on the first sexual experience of a girl and other values, such as whether you think women should be like this and men should be like that.

You cannot accept events such as marriage breakdown and divorce. Take some time to understand the source of your views in this regard.

It is important to understand that those born into families with traditional values have inherited these values and have been greatly influenced by their parents. This makes it challenging to completely change these beliefs. There will inevitably be some conflict with the more open-minded values of modern people.

Second, the virgin complex may affect your relationship with your girlfriend. Do you label your girlfriend as something bad because of her sexual experience? Do you have the mentality that you are the one who has suffered? These are the inheritance of values, while this one depends more on your own perception.

If you feel like you have such a perception, you need to spend more time getting to know women and sexual experiences properly.

From your description, it is clear that the girl regrets her past sexual behavior. This indicates that the other party likely has a significant psychological issue surrounding this topic. Both parties would benefit from improving their understanding in this area.

My girlfriend regrets it and cries when she mentions it. This is likely related to the values and perceptions mentioned above. She needs to resolve this on her own.

I wish you the best.

Hello! I'm glad you asked for help. I'm here to support you.

You can feel your girlfriend's love for you, and her honesty makes you feel cared for, valued, respected, trusted, and cherished. What do you think?

You may feel aggrieved, confused, sad, disappointed, unwilling to accept the truth, and even angry when you learn that your girlfriend has had other lovers before. Accept this. Give yourself time to do so.

Tell your girlfriend you need her to accept and understand you more. You are always thinking about her and your ex and wanting to communicate with her. You know your actions have hurt her, and you feel guilt, self-blame, and heartache.

The best way to let go of something is to face it head-on and allow yourself to think about it. Use awareness to feel your feelings and needs in that moment. For example, you may want to be your girlfriend's only one in life, to be the only one for your girlfriend, to grow old together, or to avoid being abandoned.

You must try to be aware of and understand your needs and feelings behind your excessive obsession. This will help you accept and understand yourself.

You will realize that your girlfriend's past is not your concern and that what is truly worth cherishing and grasping for you is your present and your future together. And right now, you are certain that you love your girlfriend and that she loves you.

You need to decide how you're going to work together to better manage and maintain your shared happiness. What do you think?

Do things with your girlfriend. Create beauty together. Express your feelings and needs. Talk about the future. Build a stronger emotional connection. Feel that she is irreplaceable. Know that you are loved. This will alleviate your panic and anxiety.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

You must let go of the past and move on. Don't dwell on your girlfriend's past. It will only humiliate you and damage your relationship.

Let me be clear: your girlfriend may have been the victim of a crime only once, but your excessive obsession is hurting you countless times and your relationship with her. You just need to let go and accept this. This will also give you the chance to strengthen your relationship with her.

I'd like to know your thoughts on this.

First, we will examine the emotional predicament currently being experienced, particularly the erroneous assumptions about the "virgin complex," and elucidate the requisite attitude for the establishment of a salubrious relationship in love and marriage. This discourse will not only present a compendium of recommendations but also serve as a spiritual guide to facilitate comprehension and transcendence of the intrinsic constraints, enabling a more mature and inclusive approach to love.

1. An examination of the misapprehensions associated with the virgin complex

The "virgin complex," as a socio-cultural phenomenon, is often rooted in an over-idealized perception of the purity of a woman's body. This perception ignores the complexity of human beings and the diversity of emotional experiences, and mistakenly equates a woman's value with the presence or absence of her sexual experience.

Indeed, an individual's worth is not contingent upon a single aspect of their identity, such as sexual experience, but rather encompasses a multitude of qualities, including personality, moral character, wisdom, and abilities.

You indicated that you are troubled by her past, which, in fact, reflects a certain fantasy you harbor deep down about the idealized concept of love, as well as a fear of uncertainty. However, authentic love entails accepting the other person in their totality, encompassing their past, present, and future, rather than attempting to alter or erase those aspects that have already become a reality.

It is important to recognize that an individual's identity is shaped by their unique experiences, both before and after meeting another person. These experiences contribute to the complexity and richness of that individual's character, making them more complete and multifaceted.

2. The Appropriate Attitude toward Marriage and Love

1. Mutual respect and understanding: In a relationship and marriage, respect is of paramount importance. It is essential to respect the other person's past, to understand their feelings, and to refrain from belittling or prejudging them based on their past experiences.

Furthermore, it is essential to demonstrate respect and a willingness to engage in open communication about each other's experiences and emotions.

2. Communication and Trust: Effective communication is a crucial element in the resolution of issues and the fortification of relationships. When confronted with doubts or unease, it is essential to select the most appropriate method and timing for communicating with the other person, rather than internalizing the issue or harboring secret suspicions.

Concurrently, it is imperative to cultivate trust, demonstrating confidence in her sincerity and fidelity while resisting the influence of external biases.

3. Growing Together: Love and marriage are processes of growth and evolution. In this process, couples will encounter various challenges and difficulties, but it is these experiences that will facilitate deeper mutual understanding and strengthen the relationship.

It is important to learn to support each other in times of difficulty and to celebrate your successes together.

4. Shared Values: When selecting a partner, in addition to emotional attraction, shared values are of paramount importance. Shared goals and philosophies in life facilitate greater understanding and harmony in the future.

3. Modifying one's mindset

1. Self-Reflection: Initially, it is essential to engage in introspective analysis to ascertain the underlying causes of the "virgin complex." Are these sentiments shaped by external social influences or are they rooted in personal apprehensions?

Through introspection, one can gain a more nuanced understanding of their emotional needs and values.

2. Cultivate a broader perspective by engaging with diverse cultural and intellectual traditions. This will facilitate the development of a more flexible and open-minded approach to love and sexuality.

3. Psychological Counseling: Should self-adjustment prove challenging, it may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a professional counselor. A counselor can provide expert advice and support in understanding and managing emotional distress.

4. Focus on the present and the future: It is advisable to shift one's focus from the past to the present and future. It is important to cherish every moment spent with one's partner and to plan for a bright future together.

It is recommended that couples take practical actions to deepen their feelings and trust for each other.

5. Counsel on the subject of seeking a virgin

Those who are unable to let go of the "virgin complex" should be reminded that the presence of a "virgin" does not guarantee a happy love or marriage. The foundation of true happiness lies in mutual understanding, respect, and support between two individuals, rather than in each other's sexual experiences.

Additionally, it is important to recognize that in the modern era, it has become increasingly challenging to accurately ascertain whether an individual is a "virgin." Advancements in medical technology have made it possible to repair the hymen, and the purity of a person's heart and emotions cannot be gauged by external standards.

Ultimately, it is my hope that you will come to understand that true love transcends all else. It is not a question of how another person's past may be, but rather of whether you are able to work together to create a future that is yours alone.

It is hoped that you will be able to relinquish the emotional burden you currently bear and embrace your partner with unreserved love and care.

Hello!

I understand how you feel.

You wrote that you like her but your girlfriend isn't a virgin. You have a virgin complex. What should you do? For newcomers to society and novices getting involved in relationships, this isn't a serious problem. Traditionally, parents or books have taught us what "virgin" means.

Many old-fashioned ideas and books say that a woman who is not a virgin is not a good girl or is at a disadvantage. In today's open society, emotional experience and resilience are the basis for building a relationship. If you consider virginity, your emotions may end up being lonely.

There's another way to look at this. There's a theory online that says you're not the first person she's liked, but you're the first one she's been hurt by. If you'd been there from the start, she wouldn't have these problems.

Second, you wrote that you've been with her for two years and you're a virgin. She's honest and told you she had a boyfriend before and regrets having sex with him. You trust her, but you're still in love with her. It's normal for her to tell you about her past. It's also normal for girls to be taken advantage of by someone who knows more about emotions than they do. Many girls are very susceptible to the influence of new things after they first enter society. At this time, they are victims and need care.

You wrote that you love her, but you think about her and her ex a lot. When you talk to her, she cries. You don't know what to do. You don't want to hurt her, so you want to change your thinking. You hope a teacher can help you love her, take care of her, and stop thinking about her past. You're right to think this way, but it won't change overnight. First, you need to understand the virgin plot in the relationship. If you get some relief, this is a barrier in the relationship. Talking to her a lot is also damaging the relationship. You can see that the relationship is very deep, but talking a lot and seeing her sad makes it easy for you to lose your identity.

Suggestion:

1. Think about whether virginity is more important in a relationship or marriage, or whether emotions are more important. If it's the former, you're not ready for marriage.

2. This is just a trial. You can meet more people and see how many virgins you can find at your age.

3. Tolerance is important in a relationship. Learn to tolerate each other.

This is just a reference.

Good day.

This situation is analogous to a well-known adage: conflicts-how-can-they-be-resolved-3430.html" target="_blank">relationships are about selection, not change. If you have a virgin complex and are genuinely concerned about the other person's virginity status, it would be prudent to seek out a virgin.

It would be more prudent to seek out a partner who is not a virgin and hope that they are not a virgin themselves. Attempting to change the past is an unfeasible undertaking.

It is also challenging for you, as it would be for anyone, to introduce a potential source of conflict into an already strong relationship. Even when the two individuals are very close, there is a risk that the conflict will resurface from time to time. When the relationship is already experiencing difficulties, the conflict is likely to intensify. It is therefore important to consider whether introducing a potential source of conflict into the relationship is the best course of action.

It would be prudent to select an individual without a contentious history and initiate an intimate relationship.

It is important to note that there is no way to prevent you from remembering your girlfriend's past. This is her past, which you are already aware of. Unless you have amnesia or have selectively forgotten about it due to an accident or other circumstances, it is inevitable that you will remember it.

I believe it is appropriate for men to have a virgin complex. This is a natural consequence of human evolution, as it ensures that men can verify the paternity of their children and that their offspring is worthy of their investment. A virgin can provide the greatest assurance of paternity.

It is also appropriate for an adult woman to engage in sexual activity.

Given the circumstances, it is advisable for individuals with a virgin complex to seek out a partner who aligns with their preferences. This approach will streamline the process and avoid potential complications.

If you are not interested in virgins, it would be advisable to avoid seeking out a partner with a similar complex, as this may lead to difficulties in the relationship.

It is preferable to select a candidate who is compatible with your requirements rather than requesting a change from someone who is not suited to the role. It is important to forgive both the other party and yourself.

I am frequently both Buddhist and pessimistic, but I also strive to be an occasionally positive and motivated psychological counselor. I am grateful for the world and all it has to offer.

Hello! It's clear from your account that you absolutely adore your girlfriend and care deeply about her feelings. It's so wonderful to see how distressed you get when she's sad.

You're ready to adjust your mentality, stop being bothered by your girlfriend's past experiences, and devote yourself wholeheartedly to your current relationship!

It's fascinating how cultural traditions can influence our relationships in unexpected ways. For instance, the virgin complex is still relatively common, with many boys and girls caring about their partner's past. It's not about right or wrong, but rather each person's unique understanding of love and sex and expectations for the relationship.

The great news is that this kind of mindset is not set in stone. The most important thing is your own willingness and motivation. If you are willing to explore the possibility of change, you have already taken the first step towards change! You are already on your way to a happier, healthier relationship. It's so important to understand that although your mind may be changed, you do not judge your partner's morality or values. You simply understand it as a personal state of mind. This is a very important foundation.

Ready to take the plunge and improve the situation? First, let's dive deep and understand the emotions behind your virgin complex. For instance, you might feel insecure because you think she's had a past romantic partner and you haven't. You might worry that the "first love" or "first time" is the most memorable and important.

Are you afraid that you won't be the other person's favorite? Or do you feel that having sex means a long-term commitment? If so, you're in luck! There's no need to worry about your girlfriend taking the breakup with her ex seriously enough. You can relax and enjoy the exciting new phase of your relationship!

Or do you feel that the two sides in a relationship must match and be equal in every way, including past experiences?

Understanding emotions is the only way to find a way to live with them. It is difficult to eliminate emotions, and repressing them often has a negative impact that lasts. But there is a better way! Seeing them, understanding them, and reconciling with them is a more feasible approach.

From the perspective of an intimate relationship, sex is part of the relationship but not the whole of it. The connotations of intimacy are very rich, and it is often the tacit understanding between the two people that truly connects them deeply. It is the companionship, understanding and support in reality, the desire to grow together, and the sense of security of "I'm right by your side" that really bind the two together. At the same time, it is almost inevitable to encounter frictions and even setbacks of varying degrees in an intimate relationship, and the process of the two people being able to work towards the same direction will bring them closer and strengthen their mutual trust.

You should definitely talk to your girlfriend about this! It's clear that she's sad and crying because this has become a thorn in her heart. So, it's something you both need to deal with. The good news is that you can tackle it together! You can agree that the goal of this exploration is to develop your relationship more firmly, for the present and the future. Don't dwell on the past or blame anyone. Instead, focus on the future!

Now that we've covered this, let's dive into the emotional feelings we mentioned earlier. Ask yourself and your partner: what can I do, and what can you do, to help reduce these emotional pressures? And pay attention to and record the details of how you make each other feel loved and trusted in your current relationship. These feelings are created by the two of you, so it's great to celebrate them!

If you feel that it is still difficult to rely on yourself or the two of you to make adjustments, you can also consider couple counseling! It's a great way to gain a deeper insight into each other and see new possibilities in a professionally neutral and trusting environment.

It's important to remember that this kind of knot is very common, but it shouldn't stop you from loving her wholeheartedly.

It might be helpful to try to change your perspective and pay more attention to the good times you have spent with her, as well as the love and care she gives you now. Whenever those bad thoughts come up, you might like to try to replace them with positive memories.

It might be helpful to consider the nature of love in a more profound way. While physical experiences are certainly part of it, there's also a spiritual aspect, as well as the importance of mutual understanding and support. Her honesty is a reflection of her trust and sincerity, which is something to be appreciated.

It might be helpful to give yourself some time and space to accept and digest this fact. It's not necessarily a bad thing to take your time and adjust your mindset slowly. Whenever you think of her past, it could be beneficial to remind yourself that it happened before you appeared, and that you have the present and future with her.

It might be helpful to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and the future you have planned together. Creating new memories together could help to shift your attention away from past difficulties.

It is of the utmost importance that you continue to respect and love her, and ensure that she feels your love for her is unwavering.

It might be helpful to talk to a professional counselor, who can offer a more in-depth analysis of your inner feelings and provide suggestions and methods for dealing with this issue.

Additionally, you might consider engaging in some self-reflection. This could involve writing down the specific thoughts and feelings you have each time you experience this kind of difficulty, and then analyzing the underlying reasons. This approach may help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and potentially identify solutions that could be beneficial in addressing the issue.

Another option is to try something new and challenging together, such as learning a new skill or taking a long trip. This could help you focus on the present and future, and perhaps reduce your attachment to the past.

Another option is to write a long letter to each other, in which you can express your innermost thoughts, feelings, and love and expectations for her. This could be a helpful way to sort through your emotions more deeply.

You might also consider reading some books on emotions and psychology for additional inspiration and assistance. Some suggestions include "The Art of Love" and "Intimacy."

11. You might consider setting aside a special "calm time" for yourself. When you notice yourself becoming overwhelmed, it can be helpful to take a moment to enter this calm space and engage in activities that promote relaxation and calm, such as deep breathing or listening to soothing music. When you feel more centered, you can then choose how to respond.

Another option to consider is engaging in public welfare activities or volunteer work. This can be a rewarding experience, and it may help you to appreciate the love in your life more fully and to move on from past difficulties.

You might also consider trying some meditation and mindfulness exercises to help you better control your thoughts and emotions, so that you can get rid of the influence of bad thoughts more quickly when they arise.

14. Additionally, it might be helpful to consider what your future life might be like if you were to lose her as a result of your emotional involvement. This kind of hypothetical thinking could help to highlight the importance of her in your heart, which might in turn prompt you to let go of the past.

This question is interesting. Some people have been tormented by this too. What should you do? Keep reading.

First, accept your girlfriend's past, what she said, and the pain in your heart.

Second, I think what you care about and what makes you feel conflicted is what you want to express. From a psychological point of view, this "virgin complex" is a kind of obsessive pursuit of perfection.

The questioner is in pain because the other person has had sex with her ex-boyfriend and is not a virgin. The questioner thinks she is worthless because of this. The questioner also thinks he is worthless because he likes her.

The questioner's obsession with perfection is linked to their upbringing. They have taken ideas from their parents and made them their own. They believe that only perfect ideas are worthy of them.

If the questioner can accept his own and his girlfriend's imperfections, and pursue perfection in a healthy way, he will feel better.

The girlfriend told the questioner about her past because she was anxious and wanted to see if he felt the same way. I think the questioner should talk to his girlfriend about his feelings and thoughts, listen to her, and try to understand each other better. This will help him feel better.

These are just my opinions.

——01——

Hello, question asker, thank you for sharing. I am Liu Nian.

After carefully reading your words, I have gained a deeper insight into the complexity and struggle you are facing. In love, we often have high expectations of our partners, hoping they are perfect or at least unique in our world. However, reality is often accompanied by traces of the past.

The depth of your affection for her is sometimes at odds with a certain unease that arises in your heart. This inner conflict is a source of discomfort for you, yet it also demonstrates the strength of your attachment to her.

——02——

First of all, I would like to reassure you that your feelings are completely normal and understandable.

First of all, I want to say that your feelings are completely normal and understandable.

It's natural to feel possessive and exclusive in love, especially when dealing with your partner's past. It's not that you doubt her loyalty or value her, but rather that you're grappling with your own emotions.

I believe that her honesty and remorse demonstrate a respect and value for your relationship.

From what you have told me, it seems that you both love and cherish each other and hope to build a long-term relationship.

——03——

In psychology, there is a concept called "acceptance." It is important to note that acceptance does not imply agreement or approval. Rather, it is about acknowledging the existence of something and learning to live with it in a peaceful manner.

It may be helpful to adopt an accepting attitude when dealing with past events, as they often occurred under certain circumstances and may have had understandable reasons behind them.

It is also worth noting that dwelling on the past can have a significant impact on our ability to navigate the present and plan for the future.

In your case, acceptance may be best defined as recognizing that her past is part of her life, that it has already happened whether you like it or not, and that it cannot be changed. However, you have the option of choosing how to view it and how it affects your relationship.

——04——

It may be helpful to consider some psychological cases as sources of inspiration. Many couples find themselves facing similar struggles when confronted with each other's past.

However, it seems that those who can successfully cross this hurdle often do so because they have learned to draw lessons from their partner's past rather than letting it become an obstacle. It seems that they understand that everyone's growth is accompanied by experiences, and that these experiences have shaped who they are.

I have also had the opportunity to work with a couple where the man was experiencing some difficulty in moving on from his partner's past. This was having an impact on their daily lives.

During the counseling process, I facilitated an in-depth dialogue between the two of them so that the man could gain a deeper understanding of why the woman was so open about sharing her past experiences and what she had learned from them. Through this process, the man was able to shift his perspective and view the relationship with a broader lens, allowing him to move forward with a more positive outlook.

Similarly, it would be beneficial to communicate with her deeply about your emotional feelings about the current relationship and your mutual commitment to the future relationship. Perhaps these are more important than some past experiences?

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to focus on the present and the future.

In response to your question, I would like to offer the following suggestions, which I hope will provide you with a slightly different perspective and be helpful.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what the current situation means to you. Is she someone you're currently intimate with, or do you see a long-term future together? The current situation provides you with emotional support. Do you feel ready to move forward together, or do you find it challenging to fully embrace the happiness of the moment?

If the person you are with now brings you happiness, may you be the one to hold onto that happiness.

If you truly care about this relationship, you may wish to consider continuing to communicate your feelings to her honestly, while also listening to her thoughts. It is important to remember that communication is a two-way process, and she has the right to express her emotions and position.

I believe that through in-depth communication, you can gain a deeper understanding of each other, which in turn can strengthen trust.

As previously mentioned, it would be beneficial to focus on the present and future.

It might be helpful to try shifting your focus from her past to your present and future. Appreciating the happiness of the present, planning for the future together, and especially committing to the future together could help you create memories that are yours alone.

With time, you may find that her past becomes less important in your relationship.

If you are struggling to cope with these emotional challenges on your own, you might benefit from seeking the guidance of a counselor. A professional counselor can offer tailored advice and support, helping you navigate these complex emotions more effectively.

If you are struggling to cope with these emotional challenges on your own, you might benefit from seeking the guidance of a counselor. A professional counselor can offer tailored advice and support, helping you navigate these complex emotions more effectively.

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If I might humbly offer my perspective, I believe that love is a beautiful journey, with both sweetness and bitterness. I think the key is to accept and face it with an open mind.

I believe that with time and effort, you will gradually let go of her past and love and care for her with all your heart. I wish you happiness!

Hello, questioner. Seeing words is like meeting someone face to face.

After reading your description, I am convinced that you love her very much. However, as you said, the "virgin complex" is your "knot," and it is also true. This is equivalent to having two things sandwiched between you, which makes you feel very bad.

You've put in the work, and I admire that.

Let's talk about it.

You said you've been with her for two years and you've never been with anyone before. She was honest and told you about her ex-boyfriend and that she regretted it. You trust her. There are some things worth going back and considering.

1. I'd like to know what made you two meet.

2. What made you decide to become boyfriend and girlfriend?

3. Did you know each other's past before you became boyfriends?

4. You need to tell her about your "heart knot."

5. I need to know why she cries when she talks to you.

These five points will take you back to the beginning of your relationship and show you the pressure behind her emotions. She cries sadly during communication because she is willing to understand your pressure, but she is also remorseful for having such an unbearable past.

I believe that your honesty at this time will not harm the girl. Her emotions need to be released, and tears are an effective way to do so.

Next, you said, "I want to find a solution to change my mindset." I can't give you direct answers, but I can give you some directions that are worth considering in detail.

1. You need to decide which direction you want the relationship to go in.

2. She needs to know where you want the relationship to go.

3. What are the things you two have in common in your relationship?

4. The areas of agreement in your relationship are strong enough to support its continued development.

Tell me what beliefs you both held onto over the past two years.

6. What qualities of hers attracted you?

7. What qualities of hers attract you?

I am confident that the above seven points will help you broaden the scope of considerations in the process of relationship management. I also want to leave you with a piece of advice: everyone has been in more than one relationship in their lives, but among those relationships, there must be some that are worth cherishing, just like you and her.

Her past was very hurtful, but she has now met someone who can protect and love her, and that someone is you. She will face the pain of the past, and you will be there to support her.

Due to time constraints, we will end the conversation here for now. I am confident that this response and sharing will give you the confidence and strength you need to move the relationship forward.

Take care of yourself and take care of her.

Hi, I'm Coach Yu, and I'd like to talk about this topic with you.

Someone once said that teenage love is like searching for a parent, requiring care; young adult love is like searching for oneself, requiring recognition; and adult love is loving another person, requiring mutual devotion and tolerance.

But in reality, many adults are also looking for themselves in love. They live in the illusion of being in love, while the person in reality is just a deep shadow of themselves.

When it comes to intimate relationships, our inner world is like a stage, and we're the "lead" in the story. Other people and things are there as "supporting roles." Our own emotions, desires, and logic are part of this story, too.

When we meet people and things in real life, we'll unconsciously use internal scripts to interpret external relationships. The people we care about will also be pulled onto the internal stage by us to "perform" our inner drama together.

So, it's up to us how we view intimate relationships. The reason the questioner always thinks back to his girlfriend and her ex is because we have an inner voice saying, "I'm a first, and my girlfriend should be the original factory setting too." Your story script has already been arranged.

Our girlfriend is just one part of our inner world, and we use our emotions to imagine how we interact with others.

So, if we open up to the idea of human relationships, we'll see that at the heart of it all is the search for self-understanding.

We can ask ourselves what we liked about our girlfriend when we first met and fell in love. Have our perceptions of these positive aspects changed?

We can also ask ourselves what we need from our girlfriend when we think about her past. What emotions and feelings does that bring up for us?

If you haven't considered these things, what about your own emotions and feelings?

We can also ask ourselves: What kind of partner would I like to have? What kind of relationship would I like to have?

What's really on my mind? How can I make it happen?

When we know what we need, we can make better choices.

At the same time, it's important to appreciate each other's qualities. If we only accept our partner's good points and not their bad points, it might not be a fully balanced love. But, joking aside, if you choose to break up with your girlfriend, will your next girlfriend be obsessed with your first one?

We can have an open and honest conversation with our girlfriend. First, we should express our love and trust for her, and at the same time, ask her to understand our true thoughts. Good communication can not only release our pent-up emotions, but also enhance mutual understanding and promote intimacy.

If this is an issue for you, it can be hard to overcome it straight away. It might be helpful to speak to someone you trust, like a family member or friend. If you need to, you can also look for a counselor. It's good to have someone to talk to when you're feeling down.

It's also important to relax our minds. You could go hiking in nature with your girlfriend at the weekend and enjoy some quality time together. You'll find that it's a great way to strengthen your bond.

I'd also suggest reading "Intimacy: Finding Your Soul Mate."

Hello, my name is Tongyan, and I'm so happy to be here!

It sounds like you and your girlfriend have been together for two years, and she's your first intimate relationship. It's also great that she's been so open with you about her past, including having a former boyfriend and having sex with him.

You know you have a virgin complex and you love your girlfriend very much. You've tried to communicate with her many times, but it seems to make her feel very uncomfortable. You want to find ways to adjust your state and perception so that you can better develop and maintain the intimacy between you and your girlfriend.

I think this is a great start for your relationship! Even though you know you're in a tricky situation, you're not just blaming your girlfriend. You're taking the time to reflect on your own feelings and try to adjust. It's so admirable that you've done a better job of understanding your girlfriend. I don't think it's easy for anyone to do that!

If you want to adjust your perception and state, I think the first thing you need to do is to find out where your virgin complex comes from. For example, if someone is a virgin, what associations do you have?

I'd love to know what you think. If she were a virgin, what associations would you have and what feelings would that bring you?

I'd love to hear how you felt and what you thought when your girlfriend told you she'd had a boyfriend and had had sex with him.

Your girlfriend finds it difficult to talk to you about past relationships. Do you think this is more due to your reaction and attitude, or do you think it's something else?

I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on sex and relationships.

I'd love to hear your views on this, or if you think there are any prerequisites for having sex.

You say you have a virgin complex, so it might be helpful to think about what you worry about when your girlfriend or partner is not a virgin.

It would be really helpful for you to think about what's behind that fear or resistance. It might be a good idea to explore this a bit more. Where does this experience and perception come from?

I'm wondering if someone taught you this in your upbringing, or if it was a result of a relationship?

I'd love to know more about your knot. What expectations do you have for your girlfriend behind it?

I'd love to know what you hope to get out of a close relationship!

Many people talk about the Oedipus complex, but everyone's experience is different because we all have different upbringings and experiences. This complex may be a way for you to protect yourself.

So when we want to explore this complex in ourselves, it's really helpful to look at the hidden concerns and needs behind it.

But I'm happy to say that your worries have been alleviated and your needs have been met. I'm sure you'll have the strength to discuss and explore this complex of yours.

I just wanted to point out that you love your girlfriend very much and want to take care of her with all your heart. It would be great if you could be aware that behind this wholehearted care and protection of her, there is your different identification with the roles of men and women in an intimate relationship.

It would be really helpful for me to understand how you view the roles of men and women in an intimate relationship. I'd love to know what roles and functions you think women should have in your subconscious mind, and what roles and functions you think men should have.

Once you've taken the time to figure out where you stand and what you know about both sides of an intimate relationship, you might find it helps you understand your virgin complex.

If this is still an issue for you, you might like to think about sex counseling or couples counseling.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker!

I understand exactly how you feel. You have been suffering for two years because of this incident. You will get through this.

I firmly believe that if God could turn back time and let you meet, you would instantly like each other and treasure each other.

However, God cannot grant everyone's every wish. What has happened cannot be undone, and what has happened has happened. This is something we cannot change no matter how hard we try. I can see the efforts you have made in this matter. You have tried to communicate with him actively. When you saw him crying, your kindness and love for him made you unable to bear it.

You came here for help, and you want to change yourself so you can cherish her and love her even more. I applaud your sincerity!

There is a method in psychology: those who suffer seek help and change. You are aware of this about yourself and can ask questions here, which shows you are already on the path to change.

I'm going to tell you how things can get better. I'm going to share my views based on my personal experience and knowledge.

First, accept what you and he are going through now. The famous psychologist Adler has also said that there are three things in life: things that God does, things that other people do, and things that you do. God takes care of things that are His concern, other people take care of things that are their concern, and there is nothing we can do about things that are ours. So I think that you have this idea of wanting to change your mindset, not wanting to let you communicate, and making the person you love cry. This is very good, and you are already on the way to accepting what you and he are going through now, so keep it up.

Second, actively boost your own energy. You have already boosted your energy by asking a question here. Find a method that works for you and stick to it. In my experience, the most useful method is to keep writing and write down your true thoughts. I write from the heart, which is also a healing method developed by psychologists called writing therapy. When you really can't think straight, go sing or take a walk. Even if it's only for five minutes, it can also ease your mood. There are many ways to do this, and you will find what works for you.

Believe in your ability to get through this difficult situation and untie this knot. Believe in the power of your hard work and wisdom. You can get through this. You can untie this knot. You can even get along with him harmoniously.

You've had two great years with him. Work hard, enjoy them, and make the future even better. The world and I love you!