I resist, resist, and avoid the New Year. I envy other people's family reunions...
2288
81
42
By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Today is the first day of the New Year, and I am alone on the street, where the lights are on until nightfall. I don't want to go home; I feel like a caged bird, trapped in those rules and regulations.
I was at a loss and helpless the whole time. On the night I was filling in my application forms, I watched my parents as they ran around like headless chickens. I had no idea what my future would be like. Going back to my hometown to start high school was like being in a foreign land. No one there liked me, not even my grandparents. They all thought I was a burden. Because of the dialect, I didn't have any friends at school either. I was lonely. My grandparents and my grandmother all favoured sons over daughters. And since they didn't like me anyway, every week when I went back, the leftovers were always mine... The education in my hometown was in the local dialect. I grew up with my parents and was influenced by them. I never knew any dialect and completely fell behind in my studies for a whole year. I heard all the accusations and insults. I felt like I was in the dark, with no so-called redemption. Negative energy filled me. Later that year, I became depressed. Now I've spent more than five years healing myself, with minimal effect. I hated going back to my hometown. I felt all this resurface again, those fears and helplessness.
More from Soul Share Cove
-
Anxiety 4 MIN READSenior three, altruistic, always worried about others, but what about myself ...
I'm a senior in high school, and the college entrance exam is in three months. I'm an altruistic personality, and it makes me feel bad when I see m...
-
Depression 3 MIN READHow should I kill myself? I'm only 15, is it too late? Reality cannot be chan...
Medication and psychological treatment are useless, and reality remains unchangeable. Over the past two years, my depression has become more and mo...
-
Anxiety 2 MIN READA bad event often lingers in the mind for a long time; how can this be improved?
For instance, when something particularly awkward happens, or when someone confronts me in a way that upsets me, my heart always feels unusually he...
-
Other 8 MIN READA 15-year-old girl trusts her family too much, but she gets cheated. What sho...
I am a girl in the third year of junior high, preparing for the entrance exam. Recently, family matters have greatly affected me. I tend to easily ...
-
Depression 5 MIN READDo you ever feel like killing yourself a little? Do you ever feel horrible?
The night before last, I yelled at my mother. My mother felt that I would never change my habits and got angry. She felt that I begged her when I w...
-
Anxiety 2 MIN READOn July 23rd, I received my qualifying exam results, and I'm so worried. If I...
Ah, I chose geography and history in my sophomore year. If I don't pass them, I won't be able to take the college entrance examination. I'm so desp...
-
Anxiety 5 MIN READCan someone tell me, the pressure from my sister-in-law is making the self-co...
I am self-conscious because of my poor family background, where I never received love. My sister-in-law married before me, is eloquent, and knows h...
-
Social 8 MIN READThe elderly person seems to have dementia and cries a lot. Should I resign to...
My elderly parents are 82 years old. They often wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning and suddenly cry out loud, calling out to my husband and me.
Comments
I can relate to feeling like an outsider in a place that's supposed to be home. The loneliness and the sense of not belonging can be overwhelming. It's heartbreaking to feel so isolated, especially from family.
It sounds like you've been through a really tough time, facing rejection and struggling with your studies. That must have been incredibly hard. I'm sorry you had to go through all that.
Reflecting on your experience, it's clear how much pain you've carried. The journey back from such depths is long and challenging. I admire your courage for trying to heal despite the minimal progress.
Your story resonates deeply with me. The struggle against depression and the effort to reclaim your life are battles fought in the shadows. You deserve peace and happiness after all you've endured.
Feeling trapped by circumstances and expectations can strip away one's sense of self. It's important to remember that healing is a personal process, and it's okay to take the time needed to find light again.