I think my mom is stupid. I really feel inexplicably annoyed. What should I do?

Hello!

Thank you so much for trusting the platform and being willing to speak openly about your confusion and seek help. I admire your courage!

It seems like your parents have a somewhat distant relationship. Your mother isn't highly educated, and sometimes she asks you for help when she can't operate her phone. This can be frustrating for you, and it's understandable that it causes you to get emotional. What can you do to handle this situation in a way that's respectful and helpful?

First of all, I'd like to suggest that you give your mother more patience. It's possible that due to certain factors, your mother is not highly educated, but you can see that she is willing to keep up with the times, enjoy the convenience of the Internet, and use her limited resources to do the things she wants to do.

It's possible that your mother thinks you're her most capable assistant. If so, I'd suggest being a little more patient and helping her to adapt to life on the internet.

Second, be a loving bond between parents. You say that your parents have no feelings for each other, that your father is educated, and that you are the product of your parents' love and the bond of their love. Use your wisdom to let love flow in the family, my dear.

It would also be a great idea to have the educated father help the mother improve her internet adaptability!

And finally, learn non-violent communication! Effective communication is the cornerstone of harmonious coexistence. We all know that conflicts in life are often due to inappropriate communication methods, which hinder the flow of love.

It would be really lovely if you could put yourself in other people's shoes more often, express your feelings and needs, listen to and empathize with the feelings and needs of others, and create peace and win-win situations.

I'm sending you lots of love and rainbows! I hope my sharing can help you in some way. Sending you all my best wishes!

It's true that not everyone is comfortable with electronic devices. We can't blame anyone for that. It's not about age or knowledge.

I see older folks on the street who use their smartphones more proficiently than younger folks, but I also see younger folks who don't know how to use a smartphone.

Some people are more interested in learning theory, while others prefer to learn practical skills.

The difficulty of what you learn isn't determined by whether it's really difficult or not. It's determined by the individual, just as whether something is difficult or not.

For instance, someone from the math department at Tsinghua or Peking University might find math easy, even for them it's not simple. But for most people, or even a doctoral student in literature or history, math is not that straightforward. So these things have nothing to do with knowledge or academic qualifications.

Your mom really struggles with her phone. We don't know why, but we can try to think about it differently. Is it also difficult for us to do programming? We definitely won't learn it after one or two times.

People without teaching experience who are teaching others to learn something will undoubtedly be impatient, so we can be a bit more straightforward.

1. Help him do it. For example, during the epidemic, the green code needs to be updated every 14 days. My father doesn't know how to operate it, no matter how hard I try to teach him. So I just update it for him every day when I remember. There's no conflict at all because of this issue.

2. Record a video. Just record the screen on your phone while you're helping or teaching him. Save it, and then you can watch it and operate it at the same time when you need to.

Dear Question Owner,

It may be beneficial to offer your mother a warm embrace. This gesture could help her to feel supported and secure, as though she is a vulnerable infant. It is likely that she is seeking not only your practical assistance but also your emotional connection. It may be the case that she desires acceptance and physical contact, just as you do.

It is unclear how the questioner spent his childhood and what the relationship between family members was like. The questioner stated that his father was educated and capable, yet his mother would rather ask a stranger than his father for assistance. It is also unclear how family members supported each other during the questioner's childhood. If this is an example of a situation where the questioner would rather ask a stranger than a family member for help, it is pertinent to consider whether this has an impact on the questioner's current life.

The phenomenon of seeing one's own reflection in another is worthy of further investigation.

The term "original family" has gained significant traction in recent years. The advancement of psychological science has paved the way for individuals to reconcile with their original family and break the intergenerational transmission cycle. This has the potential to facilitate societal progress. Parents are the originals, and children are the copies. Do you perceive any similarities between yourself and your mother?

As a means of avoiding a similar upbringing for oneself, one might adopt an opposing approach. Would one be more rational or indifferent when it comes to building relationships with others?

It is evident that your mother has encountered obstacles in the pursuit of self-realization. As you have stated, the process is relatively straightforward, yet she exhibits a reluctance to learn. The transition from childhood to adulthood provides a valuable opportunity for her to repair her relationship with her husband and reestablish a connection. However, she seems disinclined to embrace change. It is possible that the various sources of dissatisfaction within the family have numbed her feelings. Given that she no longer feels the urge to leave, she may simply be content to continue functioning.

It seems plausible to suggest that you may have experienced a number of challenging situations during your childhood. I would encourage you to read the book The Neglected Child, which provides insight into the potential impact of childhood emotional neglect and the ways in which it can affect an individual's physical and mental wellbeing.

The reconstruction of the connection with one's mother and the family, as well as the repair of the relationship between family members, are significant life issues that require conscious reflection and continuous correction. It is recommended that individuals engage in long-term psychological counseling to address these issues. With the development of inner strength, individuals may be able to influence their mothers.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you. Should you find it useful, I would be grateful if you would indicate your appreciation by clicking the "like" button.

The questioner, the present is good! Be grateful to have met.

Reading your words, I can feel your inner irritation at your mother's "clumsy" behavior. I can understand why you feel this way! It's frustrating when things don't go as planned, especially when it comes to something as important as a baby's delivery. It's natural to feel disappointed when things don't go as planned, especially when you've been told that you did it successfully and then someone else steps in to help. It's also understandable that you felt emotional about it. We all have our limits when it comes to helping others, and it's okay to feel a range of emotions in this situation. It's also interesting to see how your mother reacted to your emotions. She took your feelings to the level of "unfilial piety," which is a term used to describe excessive emotional display. It's not easy to navigate these situations, especially when we're so close to our parents.

My dear friend, I can sense from your writing that your mother also lacked patience when caring for you as a child. When you didn't learn to do simple things like brush your teeth and wash your face, I imagine she must have found it annoying and even scolded you. You think she wasn't that old, and that these things, which are commonplace in the modern era, are "supposed to" be learned and "supposed to" be understood after a few attempts.

First of all, remember the saying, "What you sow, you reap." How your mother treated you when you were growing up is how you treat your mother now.

It's totally normal to feel impatient with your mother when you think she can't do this or learn that. We can all learn from our mothers, and it's so important to understand how they raised us. So it's no surprise you have these emotions. Your mother was impatient with you back then, lacking in affirmation, appreciation, and recognition. You lacked this psychological nourishment, so it's only natural that when you encounter things now, you don't have enough patience to face them. It's so easy to see her "clumsiness" and inability to learn, but it's important to remember the attempts and efforts she has made to keep up with the times.

Your sweet mother lacked these things and couldn't give them to you. You also lack these things and still can't give them to your mother or the people around you.

So when you see these things, it's important to recognize what you might be lacking within yourself. Try to fill yourself up, love yourself, and become a rich person! This way, you'll have all you need within yourself, so you won't need to rely on others for affirmation, appreciation, praise, or recognition. You'll also find it easier to handle challenges and not get easily provoked by others.

You know you've got all you need, and you feel safe and secure.

Second, there aren't so many "shoulds." I imagine your mother didn't have a lot of education, had some challenges in her intimate relationships, and wasn't very literate.

She wasn't young, but she wasn't up on the latest fashion trends either. It seemed like these everyday things were a bit of a challenge for her.

She's trying her best to learn so many things! She needs to know how to use the pinyin, how to play with a smartphone, how to shop online, how to use the internet, and so on. But because her learning ability is not strong enough, things that we think are very simple are very difficult for her. We think she "should" be able to do it, but in fact she just can't, which makes her feel frustrated.

It's okay to say "OK." She can do this aspect, but not that aspect for now. It's like when you're helping a baby learn to walk. Let her make mistakes, and don't worry if she can't do something for now. Just teach her little by little, encourage her, and believe in her. She'll grow and blossom like a child who has successfully overcome a challenge. You can also help her with a little psychological nutrition.

Finally, although she is your mother, she also has her own limitations and imperfections. We all have expectations of our loved ones, and it can be hard when they don't meet our expectations. It's natural to feel disappointment and anger towards her.

It's okay to accept her imperfections, because they reflect your own. She's your mother, and she's there for you, but she might be a little younger than you in some ways. So, let go of your expectations of her, and focus your energy on yourself. Be your own spiritual parent, nourish yourself, and re-parent your inner child.

You will be reborn!

It's so important to remember that her intimate relationships and parent-child relationships are all part of her learning journey. And it's just as important for you to recognize your own inner needs and learn to grow yourself.

I really hope my answer helps you out, and I wish you all the best!

Hello!

You're looking for support to resolve your doubts, which shows you're taking responsibility.

Your confusion seems to come from your mother. You feel she is "very stupid" and has not been an excellent role model.

I have some thoughts to share with you.

[Affirm self-awareness]

The questioner realized her ideal mother was different from her mother because her mother didn't know how to return an online purchase. This made her feel annoyed and irritable.

These feelings are good because they show you're aware of yourself. It's good to know what you feel. This helps you manage your emotions and change your behavior.

[How to observe others]

The questioner said your conclusion that your mother is "stupid" is rash.

Your mother made a mistake with the online purchase. It was an error, not a sign of intelligence.

It's wrong to say things like "It's annoying" or "I don't know why I'm so irritated."

You don't know why your mother acts the way she does, but you know how to act yourself. People of all cultures learn and accept new things at different rates. This has nothing to do with your mother.

[Your responsibilities and obligations]

As a junior, you should tell your mother how you feel about her slow learning.

It can be joked about between parent and child.

This will help her understand herself better.

Second, the mother's shortcomings are her own life issues. Your responsibility is to help her adjust her perception.

[The positive significance of counseling]

Your mother's slow learning is due to her low education and family pressure.

Once you have the right help and support, you should talk to your mother.

Find out what's causing her negative behavior and get help from the Yixin platform.

I hope this helps.

Good day. I am Strawberry.

The questioner's confessions and troubles, coupled with her mother's lack of knowledge regarding internet operations, prompt the questioner to frequently reflect on the subject. It is not that the questioner is reluctant to educate her mother; however, despite repeated instruction, her mother still struggles to retain the information.

The questioner's mother is only in her early 50s, which raises the question of whether her mother is truly unable to learn. It is perplexing that while others are able to do this, her mother is not, and she always has to be told. This is a waste of time.

Individuals possess varying abilities and levels of comprehension.

During their formative years, students are exposed to the same environment and receive instruction from the same teachers. However, given the inherent differences in students' abilities, understandings, and knowledge bases, the questioner observed that her mother did not engage in extensive reading during her childhood. It is not uncommon for individuals with limited formal education to possess a high IQ and a robust capacity for comprehension.

Despite the questioner's repeated attempts to instruct her mother in the operation of the machine, her mother remained unable to learn it. This suggests that the questioner's approach may not be optimal for her mother, or that her mother's comprehension abilities are not as rapid as those of individuals of a similar age. Consequently, in addition to identifying an effective method, it is also essential to cultivate greater patience.

The question remains: where do emotions originate?

The questioner is not reluctant to educate her mother, but when she does so with patience, her mother appears to lack comprehension of the underlying rationale. Repeated attempts eventually result in the questioner losing patience and becoming emotionally distressed.

The questioner has also pondered the genesis of emotions. In our lives, parents and children alike have expectations of one another. When we compare other people's parents to our own, we hope that our parents can also do the same things. The questioner believes that if other people's parents can do it, why can't their own mother do it? This is a kind of expectation.

In addition, the experience of pressure in life can also cause impatience. Emotions can result in a lack of patience. Alternatively, it could be that there is a lack of time to teach her. It is always possible to communicate this directly: she is our mother, and she is the most appropriate person with whom to explain the situation.

It is important to try to understand.

It is not a priority to expend further time on tasks that are not within one's area of expertise or interest. The questioner may be able to comprehend their mother's reluctance to learn how to return goods after repeated attempts.

She exercises caution with this operation because inadvertent errors in these operations may result in financial losses. She is disinclined to seek assistance from her partner, except in cases of poor interpersonal relationships. Pride and frustration remain the primary reasons for this reluctance.

If she is aware of the answer, she is aware of the answer. In the absence of a willingness to learn, it is necessary to respect her decision. If she is unable to comprehend the previous method, it may be beneficial to employ a more straightforward approach. If she does not understand what is being said, it is possible to utilize a combination of images and text. The method can be marked with numbers, and the mother can print it out and follow the steps individually each time, addressing different operations as needed.

Additionally, the video method may be employed, which may necessitate the use of two mobile phones. The camera should be directed at the phone that the subject is required to operate, and the steps displayed on the screen should be followed.

It can be reasonably asserted that every problem has a solution, contingent upon one's ability to approach it with a certain degree of equanimity. It is my sincere hope that my response will prove beneficial to the questioner, and I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello! I'm Jia Ao. I'm not looking for trouble.

I read your problems on the platform. Are you having trouble with your family? You think your mother is stupid, which makes you feel annoyed. She bought something online and doesn't know how to get a refund. She returned the clothes even though she didn't get a refund. She even came to you and asked why she hasn't received a refund.

You feel annoyed. She says you are not filial and have no patience with her. Does she not learn? What should you do?

Teach her patiently or ignore her?

You don't seem to want to help your mother. You just don't know how to express yourself or get along with her. It's a simple matter. Why does she seem "stupid" and return the item without applying for a refund? How can she get a refund? She could have handled it herself. Why is she blaming you?

Just chat with you.

1. Put yourself in her shoes.

Your mother isn't stupid. She just doesn't keep up with technology. She may not know about online shopping, returns, or refunds. She's only asking because she doesn't understand. You're still complaining that she's annoying.

From her point of view, she'll say you're being unfilial and impatient. Be patient and tell her there's still an online refund application. You can teach her how to do it better, step by step. She's not as quick as you, so be patient.

2. Be understanding and tolerant.

It's hard to explain on WeChat. Find some time when you're both free and show her how to do it in person. That way, she'll know what to do if you encounter the same problem in the future. Since she doesn't want to ask your father, just do what she wants. Be more patient and sincere with your own mother. I feel annoyed because I'm not calm enough. I'm either too impatient or I communicate with your mother too little. In the future, you can strengthen your emotional bond.

3. Effective communication

You and your mother should communicate and interact more often. Spend time with her, even if you don't do anything special. This will help your relationship grow stronger. If you communicate well, your relationship will be better. Problems will become easier to solve. This kind of relationship is great. Try it!

I hope this helps. Love,