I want to preserve my original intention in this complex society and be myself. Is that not permissible?

Hello, I'd like to offer you a hug from the heart.

From your question, it seems that you want to remain true to yourself in this complicated society. It's admirable that you don't care about what other people think and that you don't need the support of society as a whole. However, it's important to recognize that this is not a realistic expectation.

In other words, you want to be yourself, and you feel that your feelings and emotions are not supported by others. I'm curious, then, about the purpose of your question.

If I might humbly offer my perspective, I believe that your title can be answered in the affirmative: you can indeed be yourself, and I agree with you. You have stated that, out of the billions of people in the world, it is sufficient to have one person agree with you.

I agree with you, and so do the other teachers who answered the question. You feel that so many people agree with you, more than one person. Would you say that is enough?

I believe it may be more about the quality of the response than the quantity. It's possible you may feel speechless, but at the same time you may also feel frustrated. It seems like there's still an unresolved issue.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the purpose behind your question.

I wonder if there might be a desire to gain the approval of more people, and perhaps a wish for your remarks and words to be approved by more people, especially those around you.

Perhaps an example would be helpful here. You confided in others about your stress, and they advised you that this is how society is. It's possible that you feel your feelings and emotions are not supported.

Perhaps it would be more comfortable to express your emotions and opinions in a way that is not so critical of society.

Perhaps it would be helpful to go back to the beginning and ask yourself: What do you want? What would you like others to say or do? And what is the purpose of your question?

Once you figure this out, you may find that your worries are reduced by half. The rest is generally about how to reconcile with yourself and the world while maintaining your sense of self.

Given the limitations of this space, I gently suggest that you consider speaking with a counselor.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes experiences periods of depression, but I also have moments of positivity and motivation. I have a great deal of love and respect for the world.

Hello, question asker!

I'm Qiyuan. It seems like you're facing some inner conflicts and reflections. Everyone has the right to be themselves, as long as they don't harm others or violate the laws and ethics of society. It's rare and valuable when we want to remain true to our original aspirations.

Your question reminds me of when I was seventeen or eighteen years old. Some middle-aged people told me, "You young people are so good, you can do whatever you want. Our edges have been softened." At the time, I was curious why they should be softened and what they would be like if they were.

And the questioner, you've studied psychoanalysis, so I think you also know that in social life, we sometimes live in the circles of others and sometimes in our own world. And you're torn between whether it's a compromise. If we set our boundaries more clearly, we can integrate when we need to and retreat to ourselves when we don't. When we need to accept others, we need to see if we can do so ourselves. If we can't, we need to give ourselves a way to retreat, and find a kind of flexibility or adaptability in the process.

So whether society is realistic or what others say may really affect us is not that big of a deal.

I hope this helps a little. :)

Yixinli Answers Community, World, and I Love You

Dear question asker,

Although I am unaware of the precise meaning you ascribe to the original intention, I am of the opinion that it must be something of great value, such as kindness, conscience, ideals, and so forth.

"The social order is structured in such a way," "The social order is comprised of such elements," "Do not exist in a bubble."

From these words, two interpretations can be derived.

I was frequently informed that my ideas were naive and unrealistic. At the time, I interpreted these comments as a disagreement with my perspective and a lack of belief in the feasibility of implementing my ideas in a complex society.

I was compelled to relinquish my naive notions and adapt to, and even concur with, societal norms. At the time, I was profoundly disgruntled by such sentiments.

However, with the acquisition of self-knowledge, I came to recognize a second interpretation. Through learning, I realized that my own ideas are not entirely aligned with reality and are challenging to achieve. Consequently, I must occasionally make adjustments in accordance with the social environment, yet this does not imply a complete abandonment of my initial ideas.

However, when our initial ideas are expressed, it is not uncommon for those with a more rational perspective to perceive them as impractical. This is because when they listen to our ideas, they subconsciously place themselves in our position, which makes it easy to understand why they view our ideas as naive. Furthermore, they are often eager to share their insights on the realism of societal norms based on their own social experiences.

From this perspective, it can be observed that others are also actively providing advice and suggestions.

The mere fact that a goal is challenging to attain does not preclude its possibility of being achieved. There is no inherent issue with maintaining one's position. While the opinions of others can serve as a point of reference, they should not be regarded as the definitive answer. Therefore, it is essential to exercise discernment in evaluating the input of others, discerning the discrepancy between one's own ideas and reality, and subsequently striving to bridge that gap.

It can be argued that when an individual seeks to confide in a friend, they are seeking support and understanding, not a negative response such as "that's just how society is." There is a consensus that one should adhere to one's original aspirations. While society may be realistic, it is an individual's right to pursue their own desires.

In point of fact, it is precisely because so many people have remained faithful to their original aspirations that they have acquired recognition and a following within society.

I am a profound thinker, and I hold the world in high regard. I am grateful for your attention.

My friend, it is quite rare and precious to see that you have a childlike heart towards life. It is a wonderful idea to want to be yourself, and I support you in that.

I believe that being oneself and socialization are not mutually exclusive. Being oneself does not mean appearing to be out of step with society, and socialization does not mean just going with the flow. We can be independent and self-reliant in society while also being able to collaborate well with others.

In essence, socialization enables us to more effectively navigate the realities of life, such as earning a livelihood that is sufficient to sustain ourselves. Conversely, embracing our authentic selves allows us to cultivate inner freedom, for instance, by declining inconsequential social gatherings with friends and allocating time for pursuits that bring us joy.

Psychologist Adler said, "We are on this earth to collaborate with others." This suggests that we cannot live alone.

Perhaps it could be said that if we talk about "being ourselves" in isolation, it may lack a sense of reality and could be perceived as overly idealistic.

For instance, as previously discussed, it is necessary for us to earn money to support ourselves, which in turn requires us to work. In order to work, we must meet certain conditions and complete certain performance assessments, which in turn makes us more social.

You may be wondering if I'm simply promoting socialization as a means of supporting individuality. I can understand why you might think that.

It might be said that this is not entirely the case. When we are socialised, we have the opportunity to earn money, gain social status and a sense of worth, which in turn better supports us in being ourselves.

When we feel like we don't have a voice or aren't being recognized, it can be challenging to feel confident in our own identity. As humans, we naturally crave the approval of others and a sense of worth, which can make it difficult to fully embrace our authentic selves when we feel like we're not being heard or acknowledged.

It can therefore be seen that a certain degree of socialization is beneficial to our ability to be ourselves more effectively. As Mr. Xu Kaiwen from Peking University has observed, freedom is only truly freedom when it is accompanied by responsibility.

I believe that any choice between dualism is ultimately inconsequential. My friend, when we can objectively view "socialization" and "being ourselves," I hope you will find yourself more determined to follow your heart, while happily integrating into society and finding your own place.

Hello, I'm happy to answer your question.

When you feel angry and wronged, it's because you feel rejected and misunderstood. You feel sad and powerless. You want to find the strength to support yourself and stick to your ideas.

Ideal and reality

There's a saying: "Ideals are full of promise, but reality is very different." They don't have to be at odds. As the questioner said, "How society is is a fact, and so are people's psychological needs."

As long as it doesn't endanger anyone, it's worth tolerating. If you're worried about conflict, break the goal down into smaller, simpler parts. This may help you find a balance between your ideals and reality.

Emotional competence

Emotions play a big role in our lives. We often have emotions before we think. To achieve our goals, we need to control our emotions.

First, you need to know what you're feeling, especially in social situations.

Regulating emotions can eliminate bad emotions and negative influences. It can also increase positive emotions.

Finally, try to understand other people's emotions. This will help you think more positively.

The above is just my opinion. I hope it helps and inspires you.

Thanks!

Hello!

Is it possible to live according to your own inner wishes? Absolutely. Everyone has the right to live according to their own inner wishes, as long as they don't harm others or hurt their feelings. Our inner wishes can be respected and understood by others.

I'd like to understand why I feel more indifference and scornful attitudes.

If we boil it down to its essence, Hegel said, "existence is reason." It's pretty straightforward. People who are used to living according to their habits—people who don't worry about food and clothing, or people who think like the weak—won't want to change their current lives by changing themselves and experiencing pain to embrace more possibilities. They're afraid of risks but don't want to experience pain.

For instance, if an unhappy person and a happy person from an unhappy family share their experiences, the happy person will initially find it hard to accept that there is another version of life. Even if they don't have to experience it themselves, just the thought of accepting it will cause them pain because empathy is based on understanding.

For folks who are used to avoiding pain, the first thing they feel when faced with it is still to avoid it because it seems like the safest approach. When it becomes unavoidable, they'll also think that this is the best outcome because passively accepting it seems to have the least cost compared to facing it head-on.

The reason the questioner wants to change his lifestyle is also because he has gained an understanding of suffering and wants to change through inner strength. He encounters unfair and unreasonable phenomena, which is a strong internal driving force. There is a reasonable cause and effect relationship between having real painful feelings and wanting to change. In contrast to the questioner, those who are used to repressing themselves, responding indifferently, and passively accepting others do not really resonate internally. Their feelings are controlled by the brain. Therefore, when faced with the questioner's desire for help, they are more defenceless and are not able to truly change anything through their own actions.

What's the best way to handle your own negative emotions?

1. Take responsibility for your emotions.

In your daily life, if you can, try to stay away from negative emotional sources as much as possible to reduce the negative emotions that arise. This will not only reduce the impact of being infected with negative emotions, but also reduce the situation where people around you always confide in you because they cannot digest their emotions. It's up to us to maintain a sense of pleasure in our emotions. We need to take responsibility for our emotions first, and others also need to take responsibility for their emotions.

On the other hand, it'll also cut down on the chance of arguments between friends with different views. Focusing on what makes you happier and maintaining a stable mood is the key to controlling your life.

2. Don't be self-centered and be aware of other people's emotions.

In life, when we experience negative emotions, we always want more comfort to help us deal with or get over the pain. But if we can't find someone who understands us, it's hard to feel truly comforted. In fact, the more we open up, the lonelier we feel. At this point, we'll feel a deep sense of disappointment and loneliness.

It's important to be able to empathize with others and understand complex situations if you want to help them. So, when we're ready to share our thoughts, it's good to step out of our egocentric mindset and think about whether we're putting too much pressure on others. Sharing with others often leads to better results.

3. Focus your energy on things that will produce tangible results, and don't dwell on them.

You'll often find out whether something is worthwhile as you go along. You'll feel relaxed and happy, and you'll learn a lot from the process. It's meaningful and worth persevering with. But if you devote a lot of energy to something and don't get much in return, and if you don't get any response, it's probably not suitable. In that case, you need to withdraw your energy and refocus on yourself and things that can help you grow.

You can only truly enjoy it and discover the meaning of life when you open yourself up to it. And in the process of giving and working hard, you benefit both yourself and life in general.

Wishing you the best!

Dear questioner,

Hello! It's so rare to have the courage to stay true to yourself in this complicated world.

It can be really tough when you're feeling stressed and talking to the people around you. It can feel like their answers are a bit cold. They might express their own opinions, like "This is how society is" or "This is how realistic society is," or they might lecture you, saying "Don't live in your own world."

It can be really frustrating when people around you either give you their opinion or convince you to believe their opinion. It can make you feel misunderstood, uncomfortable, and even a little angry. I totally get it! You think everyone can be themselves and doesn't have to go along with the crowd. You just want to make yourself happy and do what you want to do. And you don't need everyone to support you or recognize you.

I'm so glad we're on the same page! You have every right to live your best life, as long as you're not breaking any rules, committing crimes, or harming anyone else.

Let's dive into how to be yourself!

To be ourselves, it's so important to be clear about what we want and don't want, and how to be ourselves. Here I'd love to talk about my two relationships:

(1) My relationship with others

Have you ever thought about what boundaries are and how they affect our lives? Boundaries are about knowing what to do and what not to do when we are with others.

It's so important to remember that while we're being our true selves, we need to be mindful of how our actions affect others. For instance, when we're in public spaces, it's considerate to not litter or spit.

We treat people with kindness and respect, and this is the best way to be.

2) My relationship with myself

When we're being our true selves, it's so important to have a strong heart. It's okay if what you do isn't recognized or supported by those around you. You might even face opposition. In times like this, it's crucial to focus on your relationship with yourself. Don't deny or condemn yourself because of what others say. Instead, learn to affirm, recognize, and appreciate yourself.

We all get stressed from time to time. It's how we cope that matters. Here are some tips on how to deal with stress:

When you're feeling stressed in real life, there are a few things you can do:

1) Talk about it: You can talk to those who understand you, such as family members and friends. If you don't have anyone to talk to, you can also find a professional to listen and accompany you.

2) Coexist with emotions: When emotions come, you can try to let yourself stay with them for a while, face them directly, and see what they want to tell you? (You can breathe deeply while feeling your emotions).

3) Do what you like: We can also do things we like to help us feel better, like reading, singing, listening to music, exercising, and so on.

I really hope this helps! I'm therapist Yu Liyuan, and I just want to say a big thank you for your trust and for sharing with me.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope my answer will be of some assistance to you.

I believe that we can be ourselves in this society. Being ourselves and accepting society are not mutually exclusive. It is important to recognize that society is a given, and we must adapt to it rather than resisting it. This understanding allows us to identify what we can change and what we cannot. We can then focus our efforts on the aspects we can influence, with the potential to not only change ourselves but also contribute to broader societal change.

There are three main reasons why many of us find it difficult to be ourselves. Firstly, we are influenced by our family of origin and our upbringing, which leads us to believe that we cannot be ourselves and must simply live an ordinary life. Secondly, we are influenced by the "herd instinct," which causes us to fear doing things differently from the norm. Thirdly, we are influenced by the "Jonah complex," which causes us to fear becoming "great."

Our family of origin and upbringing instill beliefs that impede our personal and professional growth.

It is possible to become aware of the voices that ring in our ears when we want to do our own thing. Do those words sound familiar? Who was the first to say those words to you?

If you can identify that these voices are influenced by early experiences, you will understand why they often arise. To change these voices, you must recognize that they can be altered. If you want to transform them into words that facilitate growth and progress, what words should you use?

In the future, you will become aware of any words that prevent you from being yourself and replace them with words that promote your development and growth. With persistent practice, you will gradually eliminate negative beliefs and establish positive ones.

Negative conformity impedes personal and professional growth.

What factors contribute to conformity in the workplace?

By aligning with the group, individuals are more likely to receive a confirmation of their decision-making process.

In essence, there are two primary motivations for conformity: the desire to be accepted and appreciated by others, or the intention to behave in an appropriate manner.

From an evolutionary psychology perspective, it is understandable that in ancient times, individuals who did not follow the crowd were at risk of being eaten by wild animals. Those who did not conform to the group were less likely to survive. Consequently, the tendency to "follow the crowd" is deeply ingrained in our genes.

Therefore, in order to advance our personal development in society, gain a sense of belonging, and gain the appreciation and acceptance of those around us, we often choose to "follow the crowd."

Positive conformity is conducive to an individual's understanding of the overall situation and the big picture. It ensures that group members have a unified understanding and actions, enhancing the group's cohesion and fighting power. It is conducive to an individual gaining a sense of security and self-confidence. It also allows individuals to learn from the experiences of others, broaden horizons, modify one's way of thinking, and reduce unnecessary misunderstandings and worries.

Passive conformity can impede personal development, including the weakening of self-awareness, the restriction of independent thinking, the suppression of openness, competition, pioneering, and enterprising behaviors, the hindering of the cultivation of independence, the stifling of the development of individuality, and the killing of the spirit of innovation and creativity.

How can individuals be themselves in a professional setting?

Gorky said, "A person should set a benchmark in the depths of their soul, so that the distinctive things in their personality gather around them, showing their distinctive characteristics."

Lin Yutang said, "Have the courage to be true to yourself, stand alone, and don't try to be someone else."

An increasing number of individuals are beginning to appreciate their authentic selves, yet they are concerned that they may not align with the prevailing norms.

As social animals, individuals are born into a society where they are cared for by their families and parents, and where they are educated and influenced by the social and cultural environment. Society has a determining and influencing effect on the individual, and the individual can also react to society in an active manner.

All psychological and behavioral issues among individuals can be attributed to societal influences, and all social issues are related to people's social psychology and social behavior.

After reaching puberty, individuals tend to prioritize the growth and development of their psychological self, becoming increasingly focused on understanding and aligning their personal identity.

During this period, individuals often experience internal conflict and contradiction regarding the balance between their social and psychological selves. They may find themselves oscillating between two opposing forces: the desire to conform and the need to maintain their individuality.

Please advise.

I found the response from platform author Wang Xiaonv particularly insightful. When alone, individuals are at their most authentic. Conversely, when in the presence of others, they tend to adopt a role. When alone, individuals are more than the roles they play; when in the presence of others, their roles are more prominent than their individual selves.

In other words, when we are alone, we tend to prioritize the needs of our "psychological self." However, when we are in society, we have to take on the social responsibilities of different social roles – wife, mother, daughter, teacher, doctor, etc.

This approach allows us to unify our social and psychological selves, facilitating positive interpersonal relationships while maintaining our authentic identities.

Given the influence of the Jonah complex, I am hesitant to pursue greatness.

The term "Jonah complex" is a psychological concept first introduced by the renowned American psychologist Maslow. In essence, the Jonah complex represents an individual's apprehension about the prospect of personal growth and maturity.

This phenomenon has its roots in a hypothesis put forth by psychodynamic theory, which posits that individuals are not only apprehensive about failure but also about success. It denotes a psychological state of self-evasion and withdrawal in the face of opportunities. This emotional state can impede one's ability to pursue and excel in tasks they are adept at, and even to recognize their potential.

While there may be a certain rationality to its existence, from the perspective of self-realization, it is a psychological factor that hinders self-realization.

As Maslow stated in his book, "Searching for the Inner Self," avoiding one's own talents will ultimately result in the loss of potential opportunities.

It is essential to have a clear understanding of our inner condition and to acknowledge the presence of the "Jonah complex." When confronted with responsibility and pressure, it is crucial to overcome fear and anxiety, muster courage, reinforce confidence, and believe in our ability to become the person we aspire to be.

When we enhance our confidence, gain a more accurate understanding of ourselves, integrate our strengths, and accomplish our objectives, we will undoubtedly move closer to becoming the person we aspire to be.

Is this for mutual encouragement?

Hello, question asker!

I'm a healer, and I'd love to give you a big hug! In this complex society, it's tough to stay true to yourself and your initial heart. But it's so important! Along the way, you'll encounter C, D, and E. Don't fret! These are just unexpected surprises that come with achieving B. We've all been there! It's natural to veer off course when we're walking with our initial heart. But don't forget why you started! When we opened our restaurant, we used the best ingredients and put our heart into it. We didn't worry about the cost. But we had to be smart about it. If we don't make money, it's not because we used bad ingredients. It's because we didn't do our best. We have to think about how we're running the business, from the front desk to the kitchen. It's not easy, but it's worth it!

And then, after eating a few times, it doesn't taste as good as it did at the beginning. I wonder if it's because of a change of chef or a decline in standards. Even if something is delicious, it might not be able to satisfy a discerning eater's stomach over time. There's nothing wrong with doing a good job! The hard part is persevering over the long term. It's the same with being ourselves.

I grew up in a poor family environment, and I often feel stressed nowadays. I've also studied psychoanalysis, and I'm pretty sure that these are caused by things that haven't been dealt with in the subconscious.

I often feel stressed, so I confide in others. But I mostly get cold responses, like "That's just how society is," "Society is just like that," and "Don't live in your own world." I wish people could understand that I'm not trying to live in my own world. I'm just trying to live my life the way I want to.

But I've never asked this society to go along with my wishes. The human mind is governed by certain scientific laws, and everyone has their own basic psychological needs. This is the reality. According to them, society is very realistic, so we must go along with the flow, abandon correct concepts, forget our initial aspirations, and let ourselves suffer for a lifetime? I don't think so!

Hey there! I just wanted to ask, who made the rules? Do you think I should go along with the crowd?

From a human perspective, we are all inferior. The original family has a great influence on us, and our personality, interests, values, upbringing, etc. are all things that distinguish us from others. It's so important to feel loved and secure in our families, but sometimes we don't get that. When we don't feel loved or cared for, it can cause a lack of security in us later in life. The misfortunes of our childhood can really affect us for the rest of our lives, because our feelings cannot be understood or noticed by others. This can lead to a constant search for meaning after a certain age, to explore the so-called "pressure" that comes from the other self within ourselves, the fear of facing reality, and the constant desire to escape. We are all people with problems, and we pay attention to the imperfections in each person. It's so hard to achieve perfection, and it's okay to not be perfect! I always want to become the person I want to be, but in the end I end up living as a hated self.

Besides, who says what society is like? They say that society is what it is. I just want to stay true to my original intentions, let myself be happy, and do what I want to do.

I'd love to understand my own subconscious and find ways to escape my pain. No matter how realistic society is, I have the right to live the life I want. I haven't broken any laws, so I should be able to live my life as I see fit.

You don't need the support of the whole society. It's enough if just one of the billions of people in the world agrees with me. Do I have the right to think this way?

And we want to be recognized by others, too! It's totally normal to have these thoughts, but we've fallen into a cognitive loop. We can only earn money within our cognitive limits, but we often suffer losses outside of them. We think that our destiny is in our own hands, but there are many factors that constrain us, such as our personality and the influence of our environment on our integration into society.

I think it's important to say that we need to deal with the world around us in a way that makes sense so that we can adapt to our environment. I've been thinking about what you said and I'd love to make a few suggestions that you can think about:

1. The best way to break free from old ways of thinking is to find the other self within yourself. Learn to be at peace with your past self. No matter what reality throws at you, you just want to be your simple, authentic self. The key is to be able to adapt to all kinds of possibilities. The ability to adapt comes from understanding your needs. It's so important to know what you truly need.

2. The world is waiting for you to explore it! It's time to get out there and see what it has to offer. Sometimes, we get stuck in a rut and feel like we're stuck in time. But, you know what? You can always be reborn! It's okay to know what's wrong with you. We all have our challenges. The best way to accept reality is to embrace change, keep up with the times, and constantly grow yourself.

3. Do what you should do before you succeed, and do what you want to do after you succeed. True freedom is not doing what you want to do, but not doing what you don't want to do. We all have dreams and ideas that aren't practical or realistic, but that's okay! It's important to recognize that any vague and impractical fantasies will make us feel powerless deep down. We can't change reality with our limited strength, but we can take steps to make positive changes.

4. Many problems seem easy but are difficult to do because we are only in the middle of it. But don't worry! We can only deserve a better self by taking more action, thinking more, and constantly improving.

5. Just a heads-up, the suggestions are for reference only. The world is a beautiful, interconnected place. Sending you all the best!