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I was hung up on by a married man for three years, taken advantage of, and I want to turn the page and play down the incident.

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I was hung up on by a married man for three years, taken advantage of, and I want to turn the page and play down the incident. By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

I work in the neighborhood committee, and he is married. He bought a building in the community where I work. At the beginning of 2020, there was an epidemic, and it was also very serious. He returned from the northeast of China, and later my colleagues and I went to his house to register with them. Later, I and he added WeChat, and that's how we got to know each other. I am also married. During the contact process during the 14-day quarantine period, I couldn't help but fall in love with him. He also knew that I liked him, but he never took the initiative or refused, didn't respond, and he didn't even have a clear attitude. He sent me ambiguous messages at night. I remember that he told me before that we couldn't be husband and wife, and we could be best friends. But he never treated me as his friend. He just used the guise of a friend and the name of a friend to deceive me, and he did things that were not friends!

Moreover, he speaks with one tongue and acts with another. The day before I invited him to dinner, we had a phone conversation in which he told me that he was afraid of crossing a line, that he was afraid to cross that line, that if he did, it would be bad for me and would harm me, that he couldn't do that, and that it wouldn't be good. At the time, when I heard him say that on the phone, it seemed as if he was saying those things for my own good, as if he really meant them, as if he didn't want to hurt me. So I believed him and trusted him! So the next day I asked him out, and when we met, it wasn't him anymore! As soon as he walked in the door, we didn't even say a few words before he told me to sit in his lap. He said it was okay, and I refused him at the time, but my refusal didn't have any effect!

He didn't say a word, and he continued to take advantage of me! He even put his arm around me and touched my breasts! After he took advantage of me, he just left. Afterwards, not even an apology or a caring gesture. It really came out of the blue. At that time, my mind went blank, and I felt like the whole person was blocked here, like a wooden person. I was scared inside. After he took advantage of me, he just blocked me!

In these three years, I have not spent a penny of his money, and I have never touched his financial interests. I have never done anything to hurt him, and I don't want anything from him! In these three years, he has repeatedly hurt me, accused me, and used me. He has put all the blame on me!

I just can't understand why he would hurt me like this, so I want to turn the page and let it go!

Bennett Bennett A total of 3546 people have been helped

In response to the experiences and feelings you have shared, I am excited to provide a comprehensible answer to help you sort things out and find a solution!

Let's dive into the situation!

First and foremost, you are describing an emotional entanglement involving an irregular relationship between a married woman and a married man. Such relationships are often complicated and full of uncertainty, and they can easily cause emotional distress and harm to both parties. But that's what makes them so exciting!

Now, let's dive into the exciting world of causes!

There are so many reasons for this, including but not limited to mutual affection, dissatisfaction with the marriage, the search for novelty or excitement, and a lack of moral restraint.

And the result is…

The result is that you have had the opportunity to experience a rollercoaster of emotions over the past three years. You have tried to end the relationship with him, but have failed to do so, and have instead been further hurt.

Now, let's dive into the essence of the matter!

The good news is that you can get out of this unhealthy and abnormal relationship! Not only does it violate moral and ethical norms, but it also poses a potential threat to your respective families and marriages.

Mistake:

1. Believing that an ambiguous relationship can be transformed into true love is a wonderful thing!

2. The mistaken belief that you can obtain some kind of satisfaction or comfort from the relationship.

3. Believing that the other person will change their attitude or behavior is a great way to start making positive changes in your relationship!

4. Believing that you can solve problems by being patient and waiting is a great start!

5. Believing that your feelings and needs are unimportant and that you can sacrifice them for the sake of the other person is a mistake.

Tool method:

This problem can actually be explained using the theories of "emotional dependence" and "self-awareness." You may have become emotionally dependent on him to some extent, and this dependence has caused you to ignore your own needs and feelings. But there's good news! You can overcome this challenge by recognizing your emotional dependence and taking steps to become more self-aware.

At the same time, your perception of yourself may be a little biased, which means there's an opportunity for you to see the truth and the essence of the problem in a new way!

Now for something really interesting! Let's look at comparison.

A healthy friendship is a wonderful thing! It's based on mutual respect, understanding, and support. In contrast, an ambiguous relationship is often accompanied by uncertainty, deception, and hurt.

Now for the fun part! Here are some steps to take:

It's time to accept the reality of the situation. First, recognize that the relationship was unhealthy and has ended. Accept this fact and stop expecting or fantasizing about it. You've got this!

Adjust your mindset: Stay positive and optimistic! Don't let this experience affect your confidence in life and the future.

Seek support! Share your feelings with friends, family, or a counselor and get ready to receive all the support and advice you need to deal with your emotions and find solutions to your problems.

It's time to start building healthy relationships! Look for people who can bring you positive energy, support, and understanding. This will help you move on from the past and start a new life.

It's time to level up your self-awareness! Reflect on the experience, understand your needs and feelings, and level up your self-awareness. This will help you better protect yourself in future relationships and avoid repeating the mistakes.

I hope you can learn from this experience and use it to your advantage! Life is full of challenges and opportunities. As long as you face them head-on and work hard to move forward, you will definitely find your own happiness!

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Gillespie Gillespie A total of 5879 people have been helped

I commend you for using the empowering words "play down" and "turn the page" to signal the end of this relationship. Given the nature of this relationship, which is not aboveboard, these words are particularly appropriate.

You have invested a great deal of time and energy into this relationship over the past three years, without expecting anything in return. However, based on your description, the other person's attitude towards this relationship is not aligned with your expectations. In particular, after you met, he took advantage of you despite your refusal, and then blocked you afterwards, which made you feel angry and prompted you to downplay the situation and move on.

Have you considered the source of your anger? Is it a direct offense by the other party, or is it the result of their actions in blacklisting you?

Identify your core concerns.

In the case of complex emotions, it is not always easy to ascertain one's true feelings. Over time, these feelings may recede from memory, but the damage they have caused to our mental and physical well-being remains. When we are sad, these feelings may resurface and manifest as distress.

If you wish to move on from this relationship and avoid any future issues, it is essential to conduct a thorough review. This should include an analysis of the reasons for entering into the relationship, expectations, desired outcomes, and any potential conflicts with other aspects of your life. If there are any concerns, it is important to address them and resolve any issues before moving forward.

If this is not the case, then we must simply accept this growth and make the most of each day.

Take control of the situation, love yourself, and move on from this setback. You are a valuable asset, and your worth is not diminished by this challenge.

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Madeleine Christine Stewart Madeleine Christine Stewart A total of 3307 people have been helped

Dear question asker, Thank you for your question and for being willing to share your experiences and feelings. I'm sending you a warm hug from afar.

I can relate to how you're feeling. I know this has been a challenging experience for you. But I want you to know that you have the strength to get through this difficult time, no matter what obstacles you face.

I hope that by sharing a few words with you, I can offer you a little warmth and encouragement.

My dear, I want you to know that this experience is not your fault. You are a kind and sincere person who has unfortunately met someone who may not have known how to cherish you.

His behavior does not represent all men, and it does not represent your own value. Please do not blame yourself or belittle yourself for his mistakes. You deserve to be treated better.

I understand that this experience has caused you pain, disappointment, and even doubt about humanity. However, I hope you will believe that there are still many kind and upright people in this world who know how to respect and cherish others.

Don't let one unfortunate encounter prevent you from experiencing the world. There are still many beautiful people and things in life waiting for you to discover.

If I might suggest, at this moment, you may feel as if your heart is being ripped out. However, I believe that time is a great healer. Although you may not be able to imagine when you will be able to emerge from this darkness, with the passage of time, you will gradually forget this unpleasant experience and regain inner peace and joy.

During this challenging period, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Your family and friends will always be there for you, providing support and care.

You may find it helpful to share your feelings with them and allow them to support you in return. It is also important to remember to care for yourself and engage in activities that bring you joy, such as enjoying good food, travelling, or pursuing a hobby.

I believe this will help you to distract yourself and ease your pain.

Furthermore, I hope you can appreciate that everyone will inevitably encounter some challenges and difficulties in their lives. While these experiences may be painful, they can also serve as valuable stepping stones for personal growth.

I believe that this experience will help you to understand your needs and expectations better, and to know how to protect and cherish yourself. I also believe that in the days to come, you will become stronger, more mature, and wiser.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to believe in your ability to overcome any difficulty. You are a brave and strong person, and I am confident that you will emerge from this period and embrace a brighter future.

I believe in you and in the goodness of life.

My dear, I understand that you may not be able to fully accept these words of comfort at this time. However, I kindly ask that you try to keep them in mind. With the passage of time, you may find that these words offer strength and wisdom.

I hope you can remain strong and optimistic during this difficult time, and courageously pursue your happiness and dreams. Please know that I am always here for you, supporting and encouraging you, no matter when or where.

I know it's tough, but I'm here to tell you that you can get through this.

I would also like to suggest that you might find it helpful to consider seeking the support of a professional psychological counselor. These counselors can provide more specific and targeted advice and support to help you better cope with the psychological impact of this experience.

If it would be helpful for you, you might want to consider trying it. It may bring you more help and comfort.

Please remember that, no matter what difficulties you encounter, it is important to persevere and never give up on yourself. You are a valuable and powerful person who deserves respect and love.

I hope you can find your way out of this difficult time and return to your own light. I will always be here for you, ready to offer support and encouragement.

I wish you the best and hope that you will find happiness. The world and I love you!

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Comments

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Percy Jackson No pains, no gains.

I can't believe how complicated this situation has become. It's painful to reflect on the moments that led me to trust him, only to be betrayed in such a personal way.

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Jeremy Thomas Life is a precious gift, and looking back at past memories can make it even more beautiful.

It's hard not to feel deceived after everything that happened. I thought we had established some level of mutual respect, but clearly, he took advantage of my feelings and acted completely out of line.

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Everett Jackson Teachers are the transformers who turn students' potential into reality.

Looking back, it's clear that his intentions were never pure. Despite knowing my feelings, he chose to play with them instead of being honest from the start. That's incredibly hurtful.

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Ripley Davis Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.

The way he acted during our dinner meeting was shocking and disrespectful. It's difficult to reconcile the person who spoke so carefully on the phone with the one who behaved so poorly in person. I deserve better than that.

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Keanu Anderson Life is a pendulum that swings between pain and pleasure.

Trusting someone only for them to betray you like this is devastating. It makes me question what really happened and why he felt justified in treating me this way. There's no excuse for his actions.

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