If friendship is to continue, does it necessarily mean sacrificing a part of one's emotions?

Insight into the mind, let sharing become a habit! I am the ultimate psychological answer to the question.

It's so great that women can confide in each other! It's a natural and healthy way to deal with stress, and it's an indispensable "pressure relief valve."

When women encounter problems, they don't focus on finding solutions right away. They often care more about expressing their true feelings to arouse the understanding and sympathy of others, which is a wonderful thing!

It's a challenge, but it's also an opportunity to connect with someone you care about deeply. Sharing your feelings for nearly three hours a day can be a rewarding experience for both of you.

I'm so excited to share a few of my thoughts with you! I really hope they'll be helpful.

Every piece of advice that comes from the perspective of the other person, saying "for her own good," may end up being used by her as an excuse to blame you for not being able to put yourself in her shoes. But don't worry! You can avoid this by simply remembering that every person is different and has their own unique perspective.

In a relationship, you'll discover that everyone has a unique perspective and approach to problem-solving. It's not always easy to determine which idea or approach is the best, but that's what makes relationships so exciting!

Because relationships are full of exciting possibilities and emotions!

For your friend, although she can find the time to talk about this topic with you during the day, I don't think she is looking for a solution from you. In fact, everyone who has been in a relationship should understand very well that in a relationship, no matter what kind of problem you encounter, the one who can make the final decision is always yourself—and that's a great thing!

I truly believe that every piece of advice you give her is genuinely for her own good. But think about it: someone who can chat with you for 3+ hours is not seeking an unknown answer from you. I don't think so! The fact that she can chat with you so "heartfelt" about a topic can only mean that she is really suffering inside, and she can't find anyone more suitable than you to confide in. She doesn't want your advice, nor do you have to come up with a plan for her. She just wants someone to listen to her inner "suffering"—and you are that someone!

"She didn't take my advice, but that's okay! She was just expressing her feelings, and I was happy to listen. I tried to offer comfort, but I realized it was time to let her figure things out on her own. I'm excited to see what she does next!"

Have you ever noticed that when you give someone advice, you always hope they'll take it? It's because you want them to see you as special and different.

However, this expectation can often be very depressing. But don't let that get you down! When we are well-intentioned, but others don't take us seriously, we can choose to feel excited about the opportunity to show them what we're made of.

Ask yourself, is this someone else's problem? Or is it your own?

There are three things in life: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. And each of these is something to celebrate! Take care of your own affairs, and watch your life soar!

2. Set some boundaries and don't let yourself become a dumping ground for other people's negative emotions!

I absolutely believe that everyone wants to have a healthy and stable relationship with others! If the relationship is built on inequality and one person has to make unnecessary sacrifices and put up with things in order to maintain the relationship, then it simply isn't a healthy or lasting relationship.

A good relationship is one that makes people feel comfortable and is based on mutual respect. It all depends on how aware we are of our boundaries!

Boundaries are about being clear about your own responsibilities and rights and those of others. When we enter into a relationship, it's so important to defend your own boundaries from encroachment and respect the boundaries of others!

It's only natural to treasure the bond between friends. But if you let yourself bend the rules for the sake of this amazing friendship, then it's not a fair relationship.

My friends trust me and come to me to talk about their problems. I am happy to be a good listener and give them my careful attention, as long as it is acceptable to me. But I also have my own work and life. When I am working normally and dealing with my own affairs, you can explain the reasons to your friends. However, if you unconditionally accept your friends' emotional confessions at any time, it may appear that they are very grateful for your selfless friendship, but in reality, they may feel that since they trust you so much, you should listen to their confessions.

This is a social phenomenon. Some people feel that others are always telling them everything, and they feel that they are being taken advantage of. In fact, this phenomenon is not a good thing, and it can create a vicious cycle. But here's the good news! You can break free from this cycle. You will find that in the future, when others have problems, they will "like" to tell you about them, and you will slowly become a dumping station for negative energy.

And now for the final word!

Whatever makes you feel bad,

And the best part is that you can make all of these changes by simply examining yourself and making a few simple changes!

We are not indifferent, and we are not saviors either!

Throughout your life, I encourage you to do three things really well!

Know what's yours to handle and take the reins with gusto!

And finally, distinguish what is other people's business and give it up with dignity!

Know what God wants you to do, and do it with joy!

Hello, host! I'm smiling!

After reading your description, I have a better understanding of the question you want to ask, and I would absolutely love to give you a hug in the fourth dimension!

From the problems you mentioned in your description, it's clear that you value your current friend very much! You do your best to comfort her, even if you are at a loss for words. You haven't said that you will not help your friend, but that you choose to pour out your thoughts on social media platforms, in the hope that you can help you deal with your relationship with your friend from a different perspective.

Your friend really needs your company! She complains to you every day, but deep down, she's feeling pretty bad. She knows the truth you're talking about, but she just can't accept it. That's why she keeps trying to make things work with this guy. She really hopes he'll change and has some pretty high expectations. Of course, she also wants you, her friend, to give her more psychological support and encouragement!

Because she is more of an insider, it is easy for her to be blinded by her own emotions when looking at her own feelings. This is why you can provide her with a new perspective on her problems! She also knows this, but she just can't accept it and regrets why she is the one being abandoned. She has obviously tried her best, and this is why she is so excited to hear your thoughts on why she hasn't received a corresponding reward from the guy!

That's why she vents to you so many times, even though it's annoying to you. But she has no choice because she's been in this relationship for so long that she can't extricate herself in a short period of time.

In this regard, I have also summarized some amazing methods to help you alleviate the current situation, and I really hope they can help you to some extent!

(1) It's totally normal to have emotions in the moment! You've done an amazing job helping your friend release their emotions. It's just that at that time, you were too influenced by your friend, which is why you got yourself into this situation.

(2) You did a great job! Don't blame yourself. Your role is limited, and the person involved can make a difference.

(3) When your emotions are running high, you can release your current emotions through sports, music, chatting, journaling, etc. Let your emotions flow!

(4) It's time to set some clear boundaries to help you detach from your friend's negative emotions. Remember, your business is your own, and your friend's business is hers, not yours.

(5) Absolutely! You can discuss your views with your friends in moderation. Just be careful with the tone, because if you don't get the tone right, it could damage your relationship with your friends. Instead, express more often that you will always be there and will always support her. This will give her more confidence to face the current problem!

The world and I love you!

Wishing you all the best!

This is a tricky situation! If you don't listen to your friend's ongoing rants, you'll miss out on the amazing companionship you once had. And if you do listen, you might not be able to help her, and you might even have to sacrifice yourself in part.

Has the questioner ever considered that you don't want to continue "wasting time" with your friend because she doesn't listen to your advice and you're running out of things to say? In other words, you feel helpless and powerless. Or is it because you have to sacrifice a part of your emotions, energy, and time to be with her?

And at the same time, you feel that this sacrifice is meaningless? Well, there's still hope! There's always a way to make things work out for the best.

"I've been so good to him, why doesn't he appreciate me?" Do you feel the same way in your relationship with your friend? Does the fact that your friend didn't take your advice and kept talking make you feel like "the other person doesn't care about you"? Let's turn this around!

And are you also excited to learn more and eager to hear the other person's feedback?

I also want to encourage the original poster to let go of the expectation of feedback from the other person. In other words, don't expect your friend to listen to your advice and rational analysis, because you are, after all, a "bystander." This is an opportunity for you to step back and let your friend find her own way!

If you feel that the questioner's company is enough, and if you really don't have the energy to keep company, don't make things difficult for yourself. Just as you said, you can interrupt or change the subject directly, or you can tell your friend directly and honestly: as a friend, you really want to help her, both to repay her for the company she gave you in the past and because you cherish your friendship.

But after so long, you don't feel like you've helped her much, which makes you feel powerless and helpless. You don't know how long you can keep going like this. If she feels that there is something you can do to help her, she can tell you directly. You will try your best, and if you can't do it, please also let her see your limitations and understand them.

I really hope my response helps you in some way! Best wishes!

Dear questioner, I am so excited to answer for you because I am just like you!

Recently, a friend has been coming to you a lot to vent about relationship frustrations, taking up a lot of your time. You feel so powerless, but you're excited to see how you can handle this in a way that will strengthen your friendship, because you really treasure this friendship.

I totally get it!

First of all, from your description, it is clear that you really want to help your friend, and you can also see that you care about him and don't want him to continue to be so depressed. You have done a fantastic job as a friend!

But as a friend, you also have your own time and your own things to do. You shouldn't get yourself exhausted over his affairs. He hasn't listened to the advice you've given him, but that's okay! Sometimes, we don't necessarily have to give him advice; we just need to use our ears to listen. Just satisfy her needs instead of giving advice. When listening, you should also pay attention to maintaining boundaries to avoid internal conflicts.

You can also talk to her about her strengths and bright spots to make her confident. It's not that she's not outstanding; she is! The other person just didn't see it. You have to know that you can't meet only yourself in life, so be strong, don't let yourself down for the person who gave up on you. Be strong, be confident, so that he will see you in the future and regret giving up on you!

Let her know that she has so much more to offer than just love. She also has friendship, and you will be her strongest support!

I really hope this helps! I wish you a long and lasting friendship!

Dear question asker, It is as though I am seeing you in person.

A careful reading of your description leads to the conclusion that you are deeply invested in the maintenance of this friendship. It is evident that you have made significant personal sacrifices to preserve the relationship, and that you have experienced considerable distress as a result of these sacrifices. I commend you for your efforts.

Let us endeavor to elucidate and contemplate the "confusion" and "uncomfortableness" that you have delineated in your description.

In your initial description, you indicated that a friend who previously provided you with substantial emotional support and companionship is currently experiencing relationship difficulties. This has led to a significant increase in the frequency of your interactions, with at least three instances of communication per day. The total duration of these interactions, when uninterrupted and without the introduction of new topics, can exceed three hours. From this information, it can be inferred that your initial response to this situation was one of reciprocity. This is understandable, given that the other individual had previously offered you substantial emotional support and companionship when you were facing challenges. When she required assistance, you were the first to provide assistance, which is a natural and expected response.

It is important to consider the manner in which one listens to another person in order to establish a sense of comfort within the relationship while maintaining clear boundaries. The reason for this is that the other person in the relationship may seek out the listener on numerous occasions and for extended periods of time, as indicated in the aforementioned description.

Although the maintenance of a relationship is a matter between two individuals, it is also important to consider the needs of the individual who is in the relationship.

Subsequently, you indicated that you had provided her with counsel from the vantage point of a bystander. The advice in question was notably detailed. However, based on your observation, she did not appear to internalize your counsel. Instead, she persisted in expressing her frustration with a sentiment that reflected a sense of self-sacrifice and a perceived lack of reciprocation. This led to a sense of frustration and even a reluctance to engage in further discussion on the matter.

After providing substantial support and guidance, I believe it is important to share some observations about this matter. First, it is evident that you have made significant efforts in this relationship, including active listening and providing advice. However, it is also crucial to recognize that there may have been some shortcomings in the process, such as a lack of self-care. It is possible that, at that particular point in time, she may have needed more than just your advice. In such a situation, it is essential to consider the value of empathy in facilitating a deeper connection.

One of the key points of empathy is to regard oneself as a receptive entity that can accommodate the emotional experiences that arise during the process of confiding in another individual. This receptivity allows for the identification of positive resources within the self and the provision of constructive feedback, thereby fostering a sense of empowerment from the body and mind and enabling the individual to make autonomous adjustments to their current state. This approach represents an effective method for providing assistance.

It is imperative to prioritize self-care before embarking on this process.

In response to this, it is my hope that I have shared all the information I intend to share and that this information will provide some inspiration to those facing and dealing with this matter.

It is crucial to reiterate the following message: prioritize self-care.

Hello,

I can see you're confused. Your close friend has helped you in times of need, so when she encounters relationship problems, you hope that you can help her in return and that your friendship will last forever. But despite the fact that you've sacrificed some of your time, experiences, and emotions to respond to her, your friend hasn't changed, which has made you feel powerless. It seems that some of her frustration in love has also been projected onto you, making you feel frustrated too.

Best wishes!

You asked, "If I want to keep my friendship, do I have to hide some of my feelings?" My view is that you don't have to sacrifice your feelings to keep a friendship.

Virginia Satir, a well-known psychotherapist and family therapist, believes there are five types of interpersonal interactions: blaming, pleasing, over-rationalizing, interrupting, and congruent. The first four are poor communication styles, while the latter is a good one.

It's important to communicate consistently. People who are consistent value themselves, others, and the situation. They have high self-esteem and are internally harmonious. This mode of communication and interaction is the prerequisite for long-term harmonious and stable relationships.

So, when you communicate and get along with your best friend, you can express your willingness to listen to her, as well as your expectations, wishes, likes, and dislikes. Some people share with each other. "She will talk to me at least three times a day, and the cumulative duration (if I don't interrupt or change the subject) can reach 3+ hours." This kind of time and energy consumption is very great for anyone. Perhaps you also need to take a break.

Now, you're looking for answers to your own confusion, which is a great place to start. I'd like to talk about two more things you might want to think about:

Firstly, when it comes to your best friend's life event, it's best to just listen, avoid giving advice, and don't make decisions for her.

It's easy for an outsider to see what's going on, but it's not so simple for someone who's involved. Even though you're right there with her and she's told you everything, you can still see the problem more clearly than she can. After all, being in love makes people feel lost and makes it hard for them to hear what others say.

It's better to respect her feelings, wishes, and choices than to give her advice and get slapped in the face. As a friend, you should just be there for her when she cries and needs company.

Secondly, it's important to take care of yourself and set clear boundaries.

We all have our own lives to live. It's important to know your own limits. If you cross them, you'll end up feeling out of control and frustrated. You might even lose the ability to help others. It's more likely that both of you will end up in a difficult situation. So, set clear boundaries and stick to them.

As a psychological counselor, I've put together some thoughts that I hope you'll find helpful. I wish you all the best and a long-lasting friendship.

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too!

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

Friendship requires mutual choice and support. It's not about sacrificing a part of oneself to please the other.

You need to recognize that you've been troubled recently. A friend has provided you with valuable emotional feedback and companionship, and now she's in trouble. You want to offer her the same support and companionship in return, and you've given her advice, but the reality is that the other person hasn't listened to your advice and is still "doing things my way." This bothers you, and you feel like I've invested a lot of energy, given my emotions and time, but she's still like this.

It's clear that our advice isn't being listened to. So, what are her needs? Let me give you an example. We're going fishing, but we've prepared food that fish like to eat as bait. However, the fish that people like don't like it because they like food like worms. If we want to catch fish, we need to look at the problem from the fish's point of view and meet their needs. Then we can catch the fish.

Listen to her. You don't need to give each other advice. You have two ears and one mouth, so listen more and speak less. Listen with all your heart to find out what she needs. Meet her needs, not give her advice. And when listening, pay attention to maintaining boundaries to avoid getting caught up in internal conflict.

You need to identify who is responsible for the problems in the relationship.

It's clear that you're not responsible for the problems in the relationship. We can help her by giving her emotional support, telling her that no matter what choice you make, we will always be there for her, and that we will keep our opinions to ourselves but not interfere with her decision. This is the best way to help her.

Ultimately, I believe the issue will only be fully resolved when she recognizes that it falls on someone to take responsibility for it. Of course, we can discuss it after she has calmed down. For now, we must listen to her and be there for her to the best of our abilities.

Hello! I was really moved by your message. I was once in the same position, but I've come out the other side. I'd love to share my journey with you. I really hope you don't have to worry about this anymore.

I can see that you're feeling a bit confused in your writing.

I can see that you have a close friend who frequently seeks your company, and it seems like you're spending a lot of time and energy on her, which I'm sure you're happy to do! But how can you maintain your boundaries without hurting your friendship?

At the same time, I can see that you are a true friend, and I can understand why you're feeling confused.

You really do appreciate your friend and want to help her, but it can feel like every time you listen attentively and give her good advice, it's all for nothing. The next time your friend tells you the same problem, that's what makes you feel tired.

It can feel like your heart and soul have been poured out in vain, can't it?

And in the process, some of your needs were delayed and not met. It could be that you have something you need to do, or that you just need some alone time... That's why you feel like you're making a sacrifice, my friend.

What can you do, my friend?

You can be aware of your inner self and what needs you have suppressed when you are with your friends. It's worth finding out and seeing if there is another way to solve it.

On the other hand, you could try changing the way you spend time with your friend. It's totally normal to be drawn into your friend's problems and to confide in them. But you might find that there are other ways to help her that don't involve spending all your time listening to her problems.

Your friend has helped you in the past, and you know this approach really works for you.

But you've already seen that this approach doesn't really help your friend, so maybe you could try something different?

She's feeling a bit down, but she might not be ready for your advice just yet. Sometimes, it's good to just let off some steam!

How can you do this, my friend?

You accept her emotions and identify with her distress, and you're there for her every step of the way.

Then you take the lead and gently guide her to do something meaningful, like sharing something nice, having some fun, or going to a place she'll enjoy.

Since your advice doesn't help her, you share your happiness with her.

And the best part is, you actually feel happy, and you also gain something!

Hello. From what you've said, I can see you're struggling. You want to stay friends, but you feel powerless to deal with her emotions and you're worried about damaging the relationship if you say no. I'd like to use my knowledge of psychology to help you work through this.

I'm a psychological counselor, and I can tell that your friend is in a bad mood after being dumped. From a psychological standpoint, it's separation anxiety, and she needs to talk about it. And you did listen and give her as much help as you could, which is more than enough! Since you don't have the professional knowledge, your "container" is full, and you are also very anxious about taking on more.

How can you deal with it? First, accept the feelings (the pain of being heartbroken). I know you are suffering, feeling helpless and angry. Connect with the negative emotions. This is also called empathy.

Second, just listen. Don't make any more explanations or suggestions. Be a good, active listener. Let her pour out her heart to you, and then you can pour it back out and put it in the trash can of emotions. She just needs to be understood and sympathized with when she tells you about her broken heart. When she feels emotionally stable, she will think about and face it on her own. How to do it is her business, and you should respect her choice.

Third, learn to express your inner feelings. It's also just simple feedback, starting with the word "I". If it were me, what would happen? (I feel your helplessness, and I also feel powerless because I don't have the expertise to help you, etc.)

Finally, give yourself some space to deal with your own anxiety. For example, you can do something you like, exercise, listen to music, read a book, or even ask for help on a platform. You are caring and give others a sense of security. You are a trustworthy friend and give yourself affirmation for your own abilities. But if you can't handle it, you can also express it. As long as you are sincere, it won't damage the relationship. The world and I love you, and you should love yourself too. Come on!

Good day, dear questioner.

It seems that you place a great deal of importance on your friendship with your friend. She has previously given you positive emotional feedback and companionship, which has led to the development of a strong bond between you. However, your friend is currently facing challenges in her relationship, which is causing her significant distress. She has been seeking your support on a regular basis, often for extended periods of time. You are genuinely motivated to assist her, but the intensity of her emotional needs is starting to take a toll on you.

However, you are concerned that if you are unable to assist her, it may affect the nature of your friendship.

From a psychological perspective, it's important to recognize that when someone comes to you with a complaint, their primary objective may not be to receive advice. Many people find it challenging to hear other people's advice, especially when they're seeking a listening ear. If she is confiding in you, your empathic understanding and willingness to listen can be invaluable in helping her work through her issues.

The book "Helping Skills" introduces techniques and methods for psychological work, namely the three stages of exploration, understanding, and action. We can follow this line of thinking to help your friend.

In the first stage, you might consider guiding her to explore her feelings towards her boyfriend. This could include helping her to understand whether her feelings are rooted in a desire to hold on to love, or a sense that her boyfriend does not care about her, or a doubt about her sense of existence or meaning. In the second stage, you could guide her to gain some insight and consider ways she could make herself feel better. For example, she might benefit from exploring ways to make her boyfriend cherish her more, and then help her analyze the pros and cons of various approaches, or help her create a plan.

The third stage may encourage her to consider taking action and making an effort to break the current deadlock.

These are more specialized areas, and they are what psychological counselors need to learn. If you feel that you are unable to help her in this regard, it's important to remember that everyone has their limits.

You might consider suggesting that she find a listener on the Yi Xinli platform to talk to professionally, as her situation seems more serious and she may benefit from professional help.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you a happy life and hope your friend can find relief from her distress soon.

The original poster is probably another me in the world.

She has helped you a lot with your emotions, so you think you should reciprocate. But you didn't confide in him about relationship troubles. It's clear that the questioner is a rational and calm person who won't repeatedly dwell on the trivialities of relationships like your friend.

Rational and emotional people can't communicate with each other. You give him advice, but he doesn't take it because he doesn't want your advice. He just wants to talk. You want to help him, but you have a different idea. If the original poster said, "Yes, that's right. I support you. Hang in there. It'll be fine," your friend might feel that you care about him.

The original poster is exhausted. They have wasted a lot of time and energy and want to get away from this internal conflict while maintaining the friendship.

A safe way is to find another mutual friend and transfer your friend to the other person. It may be a bit upsetting to that person, but it's better than your own internal conflict. You should also gradually reduce the frequency of your replies to him.

The fastest way to resolve this is to simply say, "I don't think I can provide helpful advice on relationship issues, so let's not discuss this topic further."

It's a waste of your time and energy, and your friend won't be grateful because you didn't give the advice he wanted. The person who asked the question may not see the value of your sacrifice, so it's better to be kind to yourself.

Hello!

I'm so happy to see your problem, and I really hope my advice will be helpful for you!

First of all, I don't think you have to sacrifice your emotions when you're with your friends. I think that since the two of you are good friends, you have to bring up things that make the other person uncomfortable. That's just how it is sometimes! If negative emotions accumulate over time without being resolved, they will inevitably explode one day. And we definitely don't want that to happen!

I think you're on the right track! I would definitely recommend having a conversation with your friend and telling her about your concerns. I'm sure she'll understand. It's great that your friend is willing to tell you about her relationship problems. It shows that she trusts you and considers you her closest person. In that case, you've given her the idea of looking at the problem from a neutral perspective. As for what she does next, just respect her.

Secondly, I think friends should also have a sense of boundaries when they are together. It's important to remember that they should not let each other get to know them in every aspect. They should respect each other's privacy and personal thoughts. They should be there for each other in times of need and support each other when making decisions. What friends really need is someone who will support them and be there for them in times of need and give them affirmation. It's not about sacrificing yourself, but becoming a better version of yourself together.

Dear Question Asker, I empathize with your situation. On the one hand, you have the positive experience of a supportive friendship. On the other hand, you are facing the challenge of managing your friend's emotional expectations. It is crucial to find a balance that allows you to maintain your own emotional well-being while also honoring your friend's feelings. It is understandable that such a high level of emotional investment can be difficult to sustain over time. Best regards, [Your Name]

[It is essential to develop the ability to empathize]

Your empathetic nature is evident, as demonstrated by the trust placed in you by your friends. Your ability to offer comfort and understanding is a valuable asset that can be leveraged to assist a multitude of individuals. For those interested, I recommend reading "The Power of Empathy" to gain insights on effectively supporting those in need.

The capacity to empathize can be leveraged not only to assist your closest colleague, but also to enhance your personal and professional growth for the long term.

It is important to distinguish between empathy and sympathy.

You observe her distress and are inclined to offer guidance and solace, yet your efforts prove ineffective. At this juncture, you are not effectively "holding" her pain. Your advice and comfort may inadvertently intensify her feelings of distress and impede her ability to disengage from the pain.

Empathy entails active listening.

Once you have identified the underlying reasons behind the questions "Why is this person so important to her?" and "Why is this matter so important to her?," you can assist her in exploring her recognition of the "unfinished complex." Additionally, you have effectively captured her "frustration" in love, which is a manifestation of your insight. To further guide your friend in exploring her "frustration," you can utilize "open-ended questions." These questions encourage a deeper level of inquiry and facilitate a more comprehensive understanding. For instance, you can inquire about the qualities of the individual that initially attracted her attention. This approach can help her gain conscious awareness of her feelings and facilitate a more profound understanding of her inner motivations.

Embody the qualities of Wang Baochuan or Wu Zetian.

When the love brain is seized, it is time for people to make the right choice. Xue Pinggui is indeed heroic, but Wang Baochuan chose to dig wild vegetables with her bare hands in a cold hut, while Wu Zetian chose to become Xue Pinggui. This could be considered a form of leadership. Instead of cultivating an emperor, I might as well become the emperor myself.

The appeal of a relationship is the reflection seen in the mirror when one's inner "anima or animus" is activated. Some individuals are captivated by this facade, while others recall this facade and redirect this projected creative energy. This allows us to realize our inner potential and achieve greater gains. I suggest familiarizing oneself with the book "Ego and the Unconscious" by Carl Jung of the psychoanalytic school.

My name is Zhang Huili, and I am a psychological counselor. I hope you find this information helpful. If you find it useful, please click the "like" button.

Hello, question asker! I am Jia'ao, and I'm here to help.

I have carefully read the problems and confusions you described on the platform. Your recent troubles stem from your friend, someone you especially want to cherish. She has recently encountered problems in her relationship and has to find you every day to vent her grievances, often for quite a long time. Your objective advice she doesn't want to hear, and every day it's like Xianglin's wife constantly pouring out her grievances, complaining that the man doesn't cherish her. You are at a loss for words of comfort now, and you really don't want to hear her talk about it anymore, let alone discuss related issues. If it weren't for this matter, you really want to cherish this friend. You are very torn. You need to decide whether maintaining a friendship means having to sacrifice your emotions, feelings, time, and energy. How can this problem be reasonably resolved?

You clearly value friendship a great deal. Given the positive emotional feedback and companionship you have received from friends in the past, you have consistently striven to maintain these relationships. However, your impatience when she shares her concerns is causing you distress. You are unsure of how to make everyone happy and are reluctant to put yourself out.

1. Listen patiently. You care about this friendship and don't want to end up not even being friends, so tell this good friend your feelings during your relationship with her in time. See if she is willing to make corresponding changes for you. You were originally there for each other, sharing each other's joys and sorrows, and she was there for you when you needed her. Now that she is sad and upset, she wants you to be there for her too. The important thing is not what the man did, but that she is emotionally unable to let go. She might understand the reasoning, but she just can't accept it in her heart yet. You just need to listen quietly now. She will ask for your opinion, so tell her directly what you want to say. Whether she accepts it or not will also take time, and when the time is up, she will recognize the reality herself. In the meantime, you don't need to say anything more, just quietly accompany and listen.

2. [Leave it to time]. Your friends may have different ideas and approaches to many things, but that's okay. They have different life experiences and personalities. She may not be taking your advice now, but that doesn't mean she hasn't seen it. She probably has seen it but doesn't agree with it or adopt it. You don't have to worry. A true friend will always tell you the truth. She'll figure it out eventually and understand who really cares about and treasures her.

3. [Learn to cherish] True friendship is hard to come by, but if you do find it, cherish it. If you don't have to give it up, or if you've lost something, you can listen to your heart and choose. A true friend is someone who helps, understands, and supports you. You gain spiritual energy and support from her, and she will also need some kind of energy support from you. Don't give up your friendship easily, and cherish your friend!

I'm certain my answer will help you. The world and I love you ♥

I'm grateful for the invitation and the trust.

I believe that the best friendships are those that provide emotional value to each other.

If you feel that you are emotionally drained in a friendship, it may be worth considering whether the other person's emotions are still what they once were.

It's possible that she may have some psychological issues, which is something that you can't necessarily solve as a friend.

I'm sorry to say that a friend of mine has recently been going through some relationship difficulties. As a result, she has been seeking emotional support and companionship from me on a regular basis, which has unfortunately been quite time-consuming.

I believe that your friend has previously been able to provide you with emotional feedback and companionship, which suggests that she is capable of offering you emotional value.

Now, she has encountered problems in her relationship and could really use your comfort and support. Would you be willing to give it to her?

I believe the answer is yes. Is that correct?

However, it seems that the frequency and duration of her conversations with you have caused you some distress, which you are finding difficult to cope with. Is that right?

I will offer you advice from the perspective of an impartial bystander. Given the current circumstances, it seems that you are at a disadvantage in this relationship. It also appears that the other person does not care about you, and you are preoccupied with details all day long, expecting feedback from the other person, which may not be beneficial for you. It might be helpful to consider alternative options.

From the perspective of an observer, it can be challenging to comprehend why someone might find it difficult to let go of a relationship.

Since we have no emotional attachment to the other person, we can approach the situation with a level of objectivity and reason that allows us to analyze it calmly and rationally.

In a relationship, if you find yourself in a disadvantaged position and the other person does not seem to care about you, it might be worth asking yourself whether this is the best use of your time and energy.

We can see the situation clearly and think about it calmly, and we believe that it is not worth pursuing.

It is possible that the person involved also understands and knows in their heart, and that she understands what you are trying to tell her.

She also feels somewhat inferior.

However, there is a difference between being humble and being unable to let go.

It's unfortunate that relationships can sometimes be so petty and unreasonable.

It seems that my advice was not well-received, and the situation continued to be a source of frustration for her. I tried to offer comfort, but I realized that I had nothing more to say on the matter.

Perhaps the best course of action would be to approach the situation with a reasonable mindset.

She has a good grasp of the reasoning, but she is reluctant to listen or act on it.

She feels that she has been very good to that person, but it seems that he doesn't cherish her in return. This may be an unbalanced state of mind.

She has tried to seek justice from the other person but has been unable to do so. She has therefore come to you to discuss the matter and to ask for your advice on how to proceed in a fair manner.

You also feel that this is unfair to her and that the person is not deserving of all this good treatment.

If you were to advise her to give up at this time, would there be no further opportunity for her to try to make things fair?

Do you think she would be willing to do that?

I'm afraid not.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether she needs an answer at this time.

She may be looking for guidance, but she also understands that you may not have all the answers.

Perhaps it would be helpful to understand why she is still asking you about this.

I believe the reason may be that she is stuck in her emotions and unable to move forward.

Perhaps the best approach would be to listen to her and empathize with her, rather than trying to persuade her.

But, setting this aside for the moment, I do value the other person as a friend and I would like to avoid any interruption or cooling of our friendship. Does this mean that if I want to maintain our friendship, I may need to consider ways of supporting her through her romantic difficulties?

If you simply act as a listener, she may ramble on for a long time, and you may not have the time to spare.

It's possible that your emotions might also change.

If you can understand how she feels and agree with her, it may help her to feel better and stop talking about it.

If your empathy doesn't help her out of her emotional quagmire, you might consider tactfully changing the subject or asking her to do something, within the limits of your own time, to help her move on from the subject.

It might be helpful to choose a topic or matter that is pleasant and has the potential to temporarily change her mood.

If all else fails and you are deeply concerned, you might suggest that she seek professional psychological assistance.

I think that's all I can say on the matter.

My name is Yan Guilai, and I am a psychological counselor. I send my best wishes to you.

Good day. Recently, your friend has been seeking your counsel on a regular basis regarding her romantic disappointments, which has resulted in a significant time commitment on your part.

You experience a sense of helplessness in the face of her predicament, yet you are also concerned that if you do not address it adequately, it may have a detrimental impact on your friendship, given the value you place on this relationship. I empathize with your situation.

The lowering of her expectations of herself

You indicated that you spend more than three hours a day in conversation with your friend, which is a considerable investment of time. It is evident that you are motivated to assist your friend and that you have already taken numerous actions on her behalf.

From the perspective of an external observer, you have a comprehensive understanding of the problem, and thus have provided objective counsel. If she adheres to your advice, she will be able to resolve the issue.

It is unclear, however, whether she truly desires to resolve the issue. From your perspective, the optimal solution may be to simply abandon the problem. However, it is possible that she is unable to confront the reality of giving up.

It is possible that she is reluctant to abandon the relationship or that she is unable to do so. It is evident that she has no intention of doing so at this time. If she were able to do so, she would be capable of making the decision herself.

If she is unwilling to terminate the relationship, even if it is a highly unsatisfactory one, she will be unable to disengage from it and will not be amenable to persuasion.

It is therefore understandable that you feel powerless, given that what she requires is not a solution to the problem, but rather someone to whom she can talk. There is no need for you to worry or even blame yourself for being unable to help her. The greatest assistance you can provide is simply to listen to her patiently.

Listening is the most efficacious form of comfort.

You indicate that your friend does not heed your counsel and instead engages in a relentless stream of self-pity, leaving you with a sense of helplessness and an unwillingness to revisit this topic with her. This situation is undoubtedly distressing, and I empathize with your frustration.

Upon recognizing that her primary objective is to engage in conversation, it becomes possible to view the situation from an alternative standpoint: that of being a receptive and supportive listener and companion.

First, it is essential to demonstrate receptivity and tolerance. It is crucial to listen with a focused and positive attitude, regardless of how irksome and unreasonable her complaints may be. It is imperative to refrain from criticizing or pointing out her grievances. Instead, it is vital to encourage and affirm her with your attitude, thereby fostering a sense of value and appreciation.

Subsequently, it is imperative to provide her with sufficient space to verbalize her emotions. Attempt to refrain from interjecting, and instead, utilize brief responses such as "uh-hums," "ohs," "really?" and "I see."

This kind of response is devoid of any specific content; it merely indicates that the listener is engaged and provides the motivation for the speaker to continue talking.

Third, it is important to provide support by demonstrating empathy. While it is acknowledged that her feelings are no longer valuable and that the decision to end the relationship is the most prudent, it is essential to recognize that this decision is solely hers to make.

The final step is to empathize.

Empathy entails comprehending the emotional state of the other person, accepting their feelings, refraining from judgment or argumentation, and providing unreserved acceptance of their feelings and thoughts. Expressions of empathy, such as acknowledging the challenges the other person has faced, recognizing the sadness or pain they are experiencing, or simply offering comfort, can be profoundly reassuring.

Sincere friendship provides strength.

The fact that you value this friendship and the patience and companionship you have provided is of great significance. Your friend should be deeply moved, and this is the most valuable gift you can offer.

You indicated that she had previously provided you with positive emotional feedback and companionship, and it is evident that you have a highly cherished history together. Once her emotions have subsided to a degree, you may engage in discourse with her regarding the fond memories you have accumulated together. This will not only demonstrate your profound regard for her, but it will also elicit the strength within her.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to discuss her positive attributes and significant contributions. By affirming her value through these recollections, it will enhance her self-assurance.

When an individual possesses inner strength, they are better able to think rationally about their position in the relationship and make appropriate decisions.

My name is Teng Ying, and I am a practicing psychologist. I hope that the information I have provided is helpful to you.