I'm a 19-year-old freshman guy, and I feel like I lack spiritual companionship. What should I do?

Good day. I am pleased to see that you are comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. However, I empathize with the anxiety and discomfort you are experiencing due to a lack of love and connection. I would like to extend a supportive gesture and offer spiritual guidance.

From your self-description, I understand that you may be experiencing some social anxiety and a lack of confidence.

You are becoming increasingly aware of the lack of spiritual guidance in your family. You find that you cannot truly show yourself in your relationships with friends, and you are especially afraid to show your shortcomings. You have the desire to show yourself, but a sense of shame and fear makes you feel constrained.

This is undoubtedly related to your upbringing within the family unit. You have previously stated that during your time in primary school and junior high school, there were almost no social activities within your family.

My social skills continued to improve throughout high school, and I became more outgoing. However, I still experience a sudden increase in heart rate when faced with unfamiliar social situations, such as sudden interactions. During high school, I had the opportunity to meet and connect with many positive individuals, who taught me valuable social skills and even the importance of greeting others.

Children develop and mature in stages. The age range of 6 to 12 is a particularly sensitive period for social interactions, and there are limited opportunities for practice during this time. When the opportunity arises to interact with others later on, it can be challenging to know how to behave.

In particular, when it comes to the girl you like, you are unsure of the best way to express your thoughts.

The issue you are facing is one that many children have encountered. Please be advised that attempting to change yourself is not a process that can be completed in a short period of time. There is no immediate need for urgency, so please take your time.

In terms of socializing, I can see that you already have some good friends. My recommendation would be to try to communicate with them more and speak up your mind boldly. By talking more, you will gain a better understanding of what is appropriate and what is not.

Communication is akin to learning to walk: it necessitates a gradual, deliberate approach, free from undue haste.

Secondly, identify your strengths and leverage them.

It is important to recognise that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. When we focus on comparing our strengths to other people's weaknesses, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Conversely, when we focus on comparing our strengths to other people's strengths, it can foster a sense of confidence and positivity.

Thirdly, it is important to read, keep up with current affairs and absorb spiritual food.

Social interaction requires mental nourishment, which is accumulated over time. The more you master it, the more material you have for conversations, and when you use it skillfully, the conversation naturally flows.

Let's discuss the individual you met. You indicated that you are somewhat dependent on her. I believe her warm and outgoing personality is something you lack and desire, which attracts your attention.

Additionally, she requires a reliable listener to fully understand her perspective. You have established a strong rapport.

You have indicated that he has a boyfriend, yet you are reluctant to lose this opposite-sex friend. It appears that you are attempting to attract more of her attention by showcasing your own characteristics in a manner similar to what others do.

I believe the best place to start is by being a good listener and maintaining good relationships. As previously discussed, if you continue to build on your strengths, you will undoubtedly have the opportunity to showcase them.

I have provided you with my thoughts in the hope that they will prove useful to you.

I wish you the best of success!

Hello. I am a heart coach. I will support you with warmth and listen sincerely to your emotional story.

You are confused about your self-perception and self-growth. You are in your prime youth, with a strong need for interpersonal relationships and social interaction. You want to show your best self to others, to be recognized and accepted, to feel worthy, existing, and secure, and to gain strength for life.

However, you find that in your interactions with others, you have some inferiority complexes, don't express confidence, and are afraid of exposing your shortcomings and inadequacies. This is because you are afraid that "if I'm not good enough, will other people not like and accept me?"

You envy your classmate of the opposite sex, attracted by her bold, confident demeanor. You know it's admiration, and you want to express and present yourself as bravely as she does.

You look for the answer in your parents and your family of origin. I was deprived of nourishment by the family environment and the parenting style.

My dear child, I applaud you for your ability to think, perceive, and explore. You are growing up, and you are doing so by constantly exploring yourself and improving yourself.

?1. First, let's define self-confidence.

Self-confidence is an individual's assessment of their ability to successfully deal with a particular situation. It is a kind of inner self-affirmation and belief.

Self-confidence is a belief in one's own strength. It's a deep conviction that you can do something well or achieve a desired goal.

Self-confidence is the foundation of self-esteem. Self-esteem is the sublimation of self-confidence.

There are two types of self-confidence. One is based on something you have done, which is false and a manifestation of an inferiority complex because you lack confidence in yourself.

As you said, you hide your shortcomings and don't show your true self. You need to build your self-confidence on concrete things and prove it in everything.

However, it is clear that once these external supports are removed, they will fall back into a situation of inferiority.

There's another kind of confidence: confidence in oneself. This confidence doesn't depend on external standards. It comes from the heart and is unconditional. It's a subjective belief in oneself. This kind of confidence is true confidence. It's confidence in oneself as a person and confidence in the future.

Your classmate is blossoming, and you find that attractive.

? 2. Let's examine what confidence is related to.

It is related to self-worth. People with high self-worth have confidence in themselves and the world. Self-worth is a person's subjective evaluation of their own self-worth.

A person with a strong sense of self-worth will show a desire for self-improvement and exhibit a nature that is upward and virtuous.

A person with a very low opinion of themselves is easily hurt, sensitive, and suspicious. They care a lot about what other people think and find it difficult to get along with others. They are prone to developing an inferiority complex.

The primary family is the source of self-worth. A person's self-worth depends largely on their primary family and how they were raised by parents or significant others in childhood.

A child's subjective judgments about themselves are largely shaped by their parents' evaluations. A child who receives high praise from an early age is like a child with a lot of vitality. They possess strong psychological resilience because they firmly believe that they are worthy. Even if they encounter setbacks, they will view them as temporary. They have a powerful ability to resist setbacks because they believe in themselves and believe that they deserve a good life.

A child who grows up in a family where criticism is everywhere and they don't get affirmation and encouragement from their parents will lack psychological nourishment.

He will subconsciously form a very low opinion of himself, especially some children who have been abandoned by their parents since childhood. He will internalize a self-evaluation of "I'm not good enough, I'm not worth having."

There are two types of self-worth improvement: innate and acquired. Parents are significant others who provide children with the psychological nutrition they need for healthy physical and mental growth.

As an adult, you can become your own significant other and provide yourself with psychological nourishment. Read the book "Psychological Nutrition." It talks about the ability to love, the ability to connect with others, a sense of security, independence, and a sense of worth – the five types of psychological nourishment we need.

You can learn psychology and become happier and more well-balanced. While you're young, work hard.

You have the right to make happy choices and decide the direction of your life.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Good question.

You should be proud of your self-awareness. You have a clear understanding of yourself and an excellent ability to reflect and express yourself. You have a lot of thoughts and opinions. You just need to take the initiative to communicate with the outside world.

1. Adjust your self-perception and view yourself with a developmental perspective.

You say you want to express your thoughts, but you are afraid to show your true self because of your sense of shame and fear, especially of showing your flaws. This is a mistake. In the process of interacting with others, there is nothing wrong with wanting to show your good side and not wanting to show your flaws. This can give you a sense of superiority and self-worth. You don't have to be overly anxious about it.

The best way for an individual to gain a sense of superiority and transcend themselves is to contribute their strength and demonstrate their value in the process of cooperating with others.

You will feel that the main cause of anxiety is that your perception of yourself is not comprehensive. You may think that the outwardly displayed, cheerful demeanor you have learned from your friends is not the real you. This is not true. The real you is the one who does not get enough emotional care and support from your parents and is not sociable. In fact, if you think about it carefully, you have slowly transcended the self you once were, who had a strong sense of shame and fear. The outgoing and cheerful demeanor you display now is also part of yourself.

You made a lot of good friends in high school and had a particularly good relationship with your classmate, and you did all of this on your own. You're already great.

2. Accept yourself, take your shortcomings in your stride, and give relationships more trust.

Everyone has shortcomings. Nobody is perfect. When you see others shining brightly and radiantly, they are actually suffering from their own pain and inadequacies. If you are afraid to show your flaws in your relationships with friends, it is because you do not accept yourself and do not trust the relationship. You are afraid that if you show your flaws, the other person will no longer like you.

It's possible that you didn't get enough love and security from your parents, which has made you reluctant to trust relationships. But these are just thoughts. The real you is strong and has weaknesses, just like everyone else. A true friend can accept you for who you are, just as you can accept them. Give the relationship and the other person more trust, and you'll gain a deeper sense of intimacy.

If you feel you lack something and want to improve, start by acknowledging this. Accept the reality of the situation and your ability to change. Give yourself time to learn and practice, and you will improve.

3. Open your heart and find your own spiritual companion.

You are no longer the child who did not grow up before and could only grow up under the protection of your parents. You have now grown up, you have your own world, and you can live the way you want. You can explore the world on your own and develop the relationships you want, even though you did not receive enough spiritual guidance and satisfaction from your family.

Believe in yourself. Open your heart to spiritual exchanges with others. Cooperate with others. Do what you can. Contribute your strength. You will gain the spiritual companionship you want.

I'm cheering for you! You're going to have a wonderful university experience. Go out there and immerse yourself in it. Show yourself to the fullest!

Hello, questioner!

I have had a similar experience to yours, so I will tell you about it.

I'm not sure.

My family is very traditional and strict. My father was very strict with me and there were a lot of rules, such as not allowing me to bring classmates home, not allowing me to go to classmates' homes, going home on time after school, not staying out late, etc. I was expected to follow these rules without question. So, from elementary school to high school, I hardly participated in any extracurricular activities with my classmates. I am very reluctant to participate in classmate reunions because I feel like an outsider when my classmates talk about those interesting private activities in the past and laugh until they can't help it. I feel inferior when I watch them laugh wildly and recall the once carefree youth, the various interesting and stupid things I have done. I was expected to study, not socialize.

I made every effort to get into a 985 university in a different city to escape the strict control at home. I thought that once I was free from the shackles of my family, I could let go and be myself. However, I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. I felt very helpless and lonely. I didn't know how to integrate myself into the group of classmates, nor did I know how to get along with them. I became increasingly inferior watching other classmates socialize with grace and poise, confidently and boldly presenting themselves. I have my own thoughts and I want to integrate myself, but I don't know what is appropriate. I'm afraid that if I make a mistake and expose my weaknesses, I will be ridiculed. So I appear happy on the surface, but in reality I feel incredibly lonely and helpless.

I was fortunate to run into an old primary school friend in the dormitory. We had been classmates for two years, but then went to different middle schools. I never thought we would meet again at university and be assigned to the same dormitory. She is confident, warm, and cheerful, and handles everything with great composure. Since then, I have followed her example and learned from her how to treat people and get along with them. I have gradually become more outgoing, and the warm and cheerful side of my personality that had been hidden deep within has emerged.

I relied on her a lot until she got a boyfriend.

At the time, psychology wasn't as popular as it is now, so I didn't analyze myself as thoroughly as the questioner did. I just thought there was something wrong with my personality. Now I know better. It was a lack of spiritual sustenance, as well as inferiority and dependency caused by the original family.

I met a very nice opposite-sex classmate who is warm and outgoing. I find myself somewhat dependent on her because she will share all kinds of things in life with me and talk a lot. However, I am confident in my ability to show my true self in the exchange, despite occasional feelings of anxiety.

I'm not sure.

The questioner has met a very good classmate and feels a little dependent on her. The questioner is attracted to her enthusiasm and openness, which the questioner lacks. The questioner also really enjoys spending time with her, feeling safe and happy. The reason the questioner is afraid to fully reveal herself is probably because she is worried that if she reveals her shortcomings, she will lose this friendship.

The questioner said you'll remain friends, but she has a boyfriend. She'll maintain a distance to avoid misunderstandings. Could this be another reason for the questioner's anxiety?

From the questioner's description, it's clear that they are a thoughtful and self-aware person. They just need to build up their internal strength to gain more self-confidence. The questioner has already identified the root of the problem, so they can now take the right steps to address it. With the popularity of psychology, the questioner can access support through various channels, rather than relying on a single person. At the same time, in the process of communicating and learning, the questioner can also constantly adjust and improve their own understanding, so as to fundamentally strengthen themselves internally and overcome the issue of insufficient spiritual guidance brought about by the questioner's original family.

The questioner should read two books: Li Xue's "Get Out of the Drama" and Adler's "Beyond Inferiority." These books will answer the questioner's questions.

The questioner will undoubtedly find their own true spiritual support soon!

Dear Question Asker,

I have carefully reviewed your account. Despite your concerns about revealing yourself, showing your true self to friends, and particularly your apprehension about disclosing shortcomings, you express a desire to do so. However, you also indicate a persistent sense of shame and fear.

However, you can discuss your "weaknesses" and request assistance on the platform with confidence. You are actually quite courageous! Are you aware of that?

Many individuals are reluctant to request assistance or express themselves.

People are naturally inclined to seek out benefits and avoid disadvantages. It is human nature to want to present one's best self and to conceal one's shortcomings. The desire for recognition is a fundamental human need. Therefore, your concern about revealing your shortcomings is not unique. I have never observed anyone consistently displaying their shortcomings in public. The advice to highlight one's strengths and avoid weaknesses is widely accepted. The same is true of the advice to adjust one's presentation based on the situation. I believe these strategies are effective.

In any professional setting, whether it be a job interview, a blind date, or a social gathering, it is always our objective to present the best version of ourselves and our abilities in order to gain the other person's approval.

It is important to recognise that we all have a number of defence mechanisms at our disposal. These manifest in the form of different personality masks, which we deploy in different situations and with different people. It is inevitable that we will all use these masks at some point.

The original poster stated, "I want to be honest and reveal myself, but I'm afraid to show my flaws." If the individual in question is a true friend, even if you reveal your flaws, they will still accept you. This is because no one in the world is perfect. We all have our own shortcomings. Therefore, it is only natural that you have your own flaws.

Furthermore, there is no need to be concerned about making mistakes in front of colleagues or worrying about shortcomings being revealed. Colleagues who genuinely treat you as a colleague and are genuinely good to you will not avoid you because of your shortcomings. A good colleague will appropriately point out your shortcomings so that you can improve and make progress.

Furthermore, it is not realistic to expect that everyone will like you, regardless of how well you behave. We are not in a position to demand universal approval.

If parents are emotionally unstable and/or experiencing work-related challenges, they may lack the capacity to dedicate sufficient attention to your growth and development. A lack of companionship and an unhappy family atmosphere can contribute to feelings of sensitivity and low self-confidence. As the adage goes, adequate nutrition can help children develop strong bones, but nourishing a child's soul requires unconditional parental care and love.

A child who lacks love from an early age will develop an intense focus on security, driven by an internal model of unmet needs and a lack of love and acceptance. This model persists into adulthood, making it challenging to form and maintain healthy relationships.

Furthermore, individuals who experienced emotional neglect during their formative years tend to exhibit heightened levels of nervousness and anxiety, particularly in social interactions. They often display a tendency to be overly cautious, fearful of making mistakes, which can impede their ability to form and maintain healthy relationships.

While there are many choices available to us in life, the composition of our family of origin is not one of them. It is clear that our family of origin has caused us harm, but it is also undeniable that it gave us life. Our parents are simply the conduit through which we entered this world; they are not the arbiters of our destiny.

If you wish to change yourself and live a wonderful life, you will still have to travel a long road, but you can do it.

Ultimately, reconciling with the past entails learning to reconcile with our parents and with ourselves.

It is important to recognize that parents are also new parents for the first time. It is likely that most parents' original intention is to provide their children with a healthy and happy upbringing. However, due to their own personality limitations and psychological problems, some parents are unable to provide their children with a truly healthy and reasonable growth environment.

Resenting one's parents' education is counterproductive to physical and mental growth.

It is therefore advisable to try to understand our parents and allow them to make mistakes. This will facilitate our recovery from a negative state, enable us to let go of the past, and facilitate our embracing of a brand new future.

Children who lack love from an early age are reluctant to reveal their true selves to others, due to a fear of being rejected.

It is important to try to relax and accept yourself, despite any perceived flaws, as you are a unique individual in this world.

When you learn to accept yourself as you are, you will feel more relaxed, more natural, and more successful in your relationships.

I am accepted by the world as I am. You are the best.

Hello, host!

Everyone needs to feel loved and connected to others. This is especially true for children, who need love and affection from their parents. When we are lucky enough to have this in our lives, it makes us happy. If we don't have it, we have to learn to accept this and love ourselves.

We feel sorry for orphans who grew up without parents. Not all orphans are unhappy.

Some people find value and happiness through hard work and perseverance.

I'm not saying you should compare yourself to an orphan, but it's about strength and happiness.

How do you love yourself and become strong?

1. Accept your family, for better or worse.

The host's experience is part of your life. Their parents didn't have a good relationship, but it was their problem.

It will affect your character and emotions.

When you realize it's the grudges of the previous generation, you can move on.

Don't dwell on things you can't change.

When you accept your family of origin, you will feel at ease, sympathize with your parents, and feel empowered.

2. Keep a good distance from the opposite sex at the table.

I met a nice classmate who is warm and outgoing. I rely on her because she shares a lot with me. However, I feel like I can't show my true self in our interactions, and sometimes I get anxious about this. (She has a boyfriend, and she's very attractive to me, and we will remain friends.)

Human relationships are delicate. Some people are irresistibly attracted to each other, while others can get along for years without feeling anything. Maybe this is what is meant by fate. As for not being able to show your true self, you don't have to feel anxious. Someone who appreciates you will recognize and praise you no matter what you look like. She currently has a boyfriend, so you can like him secretly, but don't make things difficult for yourself. Maintain a distance that is neither too close nor too far, and wish the other person happiness.

3. Be your own spiritual pillar.

We will meet many people and things will separate us. When we lose someone close to us, we feel pain.

If we depend on others, they can leave us with nothing. So make yourself stronger, and you will not feel empty.

Most of our lives are spent alone. It's good to learn to be alone.

I love you, June!

Sometimes, what you need is more than just self-comforting and psychological techniques. A kind word, a hug, or a smile from someone can be worth more than thousands of words. Maybe it's just that I need love so much.

I was in a similar situation to you in high school, haha. Actually, I'm not in much of a different situation now. Back then, I felt quite lonely inside, but on the surface I got along well with everyone. I wanted a few close male friends or a girl I could date. For a while, my desk neighbor was a lively and cheerful girl. She was especially cute and sincere, and I felt that she had infinite vitality and enthusiasm. She didn't have a boyfriend at the time, and I really liked her, but I was afraid to confess my feelings and couldn't bring myself to say anything. I could only look at her and occasionally talk to her, moved in my heart. Later, I think she fell in love with another very cheerful boy in our class. I was a little lost, but in the end I could only wish them well.

The two of them have great personalities. The two people I like are together, and I'm a bit fragile, sensitive, and powerless. I'd better just wish them well.

I liked that girl for more than just her looks. I also liked her personality and her energy. She was someone I envied and longed for, even though I was in a difficult situation. She was like a ball of fire, and I was the moth, wanting to get close to her but also feeling inferior about my own vulnerability.

Even if the grass growing in the cracks of the stones is self-aware and realizes it's in a barren environment with little nutrition, it still can't overcome its deep longing for fertile soil.

I get that what I'm missing isn't just love, but something more general. If you take out the word "love," it's about having a genuine connection with everyone. I had that when I was a kid, but I lost it when I grew up.

It's always good to get to know more people. There are plenty out there with a sincere and longing heart like yours.

Let's console the OP from afar.

The questioner's description is as follows:

My family lacked spiritual guidance, and I was unable to truly show myself, especially because I was afraid to show my shortcomings.

I want to express myself, but I feel constrained by shame and fear.

In high school, I made a lot of good friends, and they taught me some social skills I lacked, including the habit of saying hello. I also met a really good same-sex classmate.

A word to the author:

Every family has problems that parents are not good at solving. Don't blame your parents for everything you haven't learned.

Life is something we experience for ourselves, not something we are told by others.

The problems we encounter in different situations are not the same as those encountered by our parents' generation.

It's not your parents' failure to provide spiritual guidance that makes you feel uncomfortable or ashamed. It's your own self-consciousness about being accepted by others and your tendency to care too much about how others see you.

This is particularly the case in high school, when physical development begins and there are some minor concerns about the adult world.

Parents teach you social rules and how to study hard.

You don't learn how to communicate with other people from your parents. You learn it during your own upbringing.

You need a few good friends around you. You learn a lot from your interactions with them, and you find it useful.

This is a good thing. It marks the beginning of your life experience.

Dear question asker,

You wish to express your thoughts, but are hesitant to reveal your imperfections. You feel constrained by a sense of shame and fear when pursuing something better.

When you were younger, you were more reserved and perhaps a bit self-conscious. In high school, your family relationship improved, and you interacted more with your family members, which gradually opened up your heart. At the same time, you met some wonderful friends in high school, from whom you learned some social skills that you lacked before. You learned to greet people and, with some preparation, to give the impression of being cheerful.

Now in your freshman year, you met a very nice opposite-sex classmate. You find her warm and outgoing personality very attractive. She is open and confident in sharing her thoughts and feelings with you, and you feel spiritually happy when you are with her. You don't necessarily need to force yourself to express your feelings to experience a warm interpersonal experience. Talking about everyday matters can bring you closer to someone.

You would like to get closer to this girl and strengthen your relationship with her. Since most of the interactions between you two have been initiated by her and have been very enthusiastic, you feel that you don't have as much control over maintaining the relationship as you would like. You would like to overcome your inhibitions and show her more of your positive qualities.

However, you may find it challenging to express your satisfaction. It's possible that, due to your inner constraints, the stronger your desire to draw closer to or maintain the relationship, the stronger your anxiety becomes.

You might find that you can simply maintain the same level of communication as before. It may be helpful to remember that she is likely open to talking to you because you are good at listening and can express neutral opinions when needed. It is possible that she feels at ease with you because you make her feel comfortable, which allows her to communicate with you openly and enthusiastically.

It might be helpful to take your time. Compared to before, you seem to be more outgoing and better at dealing with people. You have gained help and learned from your time with your best friend, and your social skills are constantly being honed. It seems that you are always growing.

It would be beneficial to maintain a good friendship in this relationship. There is no need to be overly concerned about showing your true self, which is simply your authentic self in the moment. With time, your true self will continue to evolve and improve as you grow and develop.

I would gently encourage you not to worry, but rather to focus on the present and enjoy the happy life you are living right now.

Hello. I'm Mo's classmate.

You've already noticed the areas you need to improve. Identifying a problem is half the solution. Some parents only pay attention to their children's material world. This is not their fault. Their parents also did not pay attention to their inner world. They did not know the importance of the mental world. You will feel a lack in the spiritual world and will feel spiritually empty.

Second, you're right to be happy that you realized this. As children, we needed our parents' education and guidance. As adults, we need to educate ourselves. Think about what you have:

1. Our parents are alive and care about us, and we have enough money.

2. We went to college and are proud of our education.

3. You have a good friend of the opposite sex who is your classmate.

4. We also have some advantages we don't see or think about.

What do we need?

1. We need to understand our parents. We may feel that our parents should have paid more attention to our spiritual world since childhood. This is a legacy from our original family. We can learn to take responsibility for ourselves.

2. We need to grow. We now know we need a spiritual world. Let's enrich our inner world by reading, learning, and communicating. We can read and learn through software.

Yixinli: There are whale-selected members, book clubs, FM, reading, and exchange communities.

You can listen to books without reading them. Most books support listening.

One book, one lesson, and reading with Van Den: Teachers will explain comprehension during the book reading process. Listening to the book and attending class should be combined. The teacher can help us understand the book better. If we just listen to the book, we may just understand it literally.

We may blame our parents for not knowing how to educate us. At the same time, we should thank our parents and they should apologize to us. We must first have these words in order to understand them. This is the process of learning. We can grow up on our own.

I hope you make good friends. You can make friends with people of any gender. Books and friends help you communicate and become a better person. You can also join a community and exchange ideas. This helps you open your heart and speak your mind. I also started by hiding my thoughts and past. After a year of communication, I learned that I can say things I found embarrassing before. I also found that I was not disliked. We all like real people.

The world and I love you. We can be friends. We might meet again. Meeting is fate. I wish you the best.

"I feel like I lack spiritual companionship." What specifically is the questioner seeking from "spiritual companionship"? How has it impacted the questioner's life and studies?

I am becoming increasingly aware of the lack of spiritual guidance in my family. As a result, I find that I am unable to fully express myself in my interactions with friends, particularly due to an apprehension about revealing my shortcomings.

I must confess that I am unsure as to what is meant by the term "lack of spiritual guidance." From the second half of the sentence, it appears to be a reference to content on how to interact with others and how to appropriately reveal oneself when interacting with others.

I am motivated to demonstrate my true self, but a sense of shame and fear impedes my ability to do so.

Adolescents typically experience a conflict between two motivations: the desire to present themselves to others and gain recognition, and the concern that revealing certain aspects of themselves may lead to disapproval or ridicule. This internal conflict can manifest as a reluctance to fully disclose personal information or engage in certain behaviors, even when it may be beneficial to do so.

By the time I reached high school, I had become more outgoing. However, I still found it challenging to interact with people I didn't know well, particularly in unexpected situations. I was fortunate to have made a number of good friends in high school, who were able to teach me valuable social skills and instill in me the importance of greeting others.

Despite making significant strides in high school, the questioner appears to be discontented with his achievements. This suggests that he has exceedingly high expectations of himself.

I have formed a positive relationship with a female classmate who is warm and outgoing. I find that I rely on her input to a certain extent, and she shares a wide range of information about her personal life with me. However, during these conversations, I often feel that I cannot fully express my true self, which occasionally causes me anxiety.

In response to the sincerity and generosity of the opposite-sex classmate in sharing, the questioner did not reciprocate by also "opening up" themselves. This may have created a sense of obligation towards the classmate on one hand, and on the other, the questioner may have been concerned that disclosing more personal information would result in being recognized by their classmate and potentially jeopardize the relationship. When these factors are considered together, it is understandable why the questioner might have been anxious.

The term "spiritual companionship" indicates a desire to form a more profound emotional bond with another individual, reminiscent of the connection the questioner experienced with their high school classmate of the opposite sex. This may also signify a longing for a meaningful romantic attachment.

"To show your true self in your interactions with others" – from this sentence, I can discern the sincerity and frankness of the questioner. However, it is somewhat misguided to impose this expectation on oneself. First, it is not feasible for anyone to fully reveal their true self in all circumstances, except for newborns. Second, this approach may be perceived as immature and childish, which could lead to discomfort or embarrassment in social situations.

"I find that I cannot truly demonstrate my true self in my interactions with colleagues, and I am especially hesitant to reveal my shortcomings. I have the desire to be open and transparent, but a sense of embarrassment and apprehension hinders me."

"Could this be an example of the questioner using another method to demonstrate his true self?"

I hope my response has been helpful. Best regards,

It is evident that not all families are perfect. The manner in which parents interact with their children upon their return from school can provide insight into the dynamics of the family unit. Some parents are inclined to offer assistance with a range of tasks, including changing clothes, washing hands, and putting on shoes, while others may be more detached.

Some parents exhibit a lack of warmth and affection, resorting to yelling at their children without asking any questions or offering explanations. They demand that the children stop what they are doing and go change their shoes. This behavior reflects a form of authoritarianism, which indicates a lack of warmth and intimacy in the parent-child relationship. In contrast, there are families that exemplify a nurturing and supportive dynamic, where there is not only physical but also spiritual companionship.

You are capable of providing substantial support to others. You are now an adult and have already reached the level of education represented by the university. When you recognize that you lack spiritual companionship, it may be helpful to understand that this is a consequence of the pain caused by your family. This is a challenging issue to address in the immediate term.

The pain of the original family often persists over an extended period, during which individuals must confront their own challenges and navigate their own lives. They may be reluctant to reveal their imperfections, experiencing a sense of shame and fear. This can create a significant obstacle to self-expression.

Despite outward appearances of cheerfulness and optimism, there are still underlying issues causing distress, including anxiety, discomfort, and tension. This pain is a result of deep-seated tension and a lack of confidence. The recent formation of a friendship with a cheerful and optimistic classmate may also facilitate healing.

It is recommended that the individual reflect on their inner self-confidence and consider how they might truly free themselves from the shackles of their original family. It is further recommended that the individual read "The Original Family Survival Guide: How to Escape the Influence of an Abnormal Family Environment," "Family Can Hurt," and "We're in Deep Trouble," in order to facilitate maturation and enable the individual to look past the pain of the past and grow from it. It is advised that the individual engage with a counselor in order to facilitate the development of their own confidence.

Please clarify the question.

Good day, question asker. My name is Jia Ao, and I have no particular agenda at this time.

I have observed the issues and confusion you have articulated on this platform. You have raised concerns regarding the pursuit of character perfection and the process of self-growth.

You indicate that you are aware that your family provided minimal emotional support, which has resulted in the development of anxiety, fear, and an inability to disengage and a lack of confidence in social situations, as well as a fear of not being accepted by others.

Do you wish to gain further insight into the processes of character development and the enhancement of interpersonal skills?

In order to respond to your question, it is necessary to assist you in organizing your thoughts.

1. The family of origin.

From your description, it is evident that your parents provided you with material possessions but lacked spiritual companionship. Additionally, they were not living together due to emotional discord. During your elementary and junior high school years, your family engaged in minimal social activities, and your parents were unable to address their psychological issues.

As can be observed from the aforementioned details, the family of origin was not a particularly positive environment. There was a lack of a healthy parent-child relationship, as well as a secure attachment. The parenting style employed by the parents was not sufficiently reasonable, and there was a tendency to ignore the child. The child was not seen by their parents, and their emotional needs were not met.

Your recollection of childhood evokes a cinematic work I previously viewed, entitled "Dog 13." I am uncertain if you are familiar with this film, but it addresses a prevalent phenomenon observed in Chinese households: the absence of parental figures and the dearth of spiritual companionship for children. Children who are reared in such an environment often experience profound loneliness and desolation. They perceive a lack of understanding and genuine concern for their genuine innermost thoughts and desires. Should you be inclined, you may view the film, which may elicit a resonance with you in some manner.

The aforementioned factors have exerted a detrimental influence on the individual in question, stemming from their family of origin. The images evoked within the mind are of a lonely child, which has further shaped the individual's personality. In general, children who lack spiritual companionship are more likely to lack a sense of security in adulthood and exhibit social skills that are far from adequate. They are more likely to experience feelings of inferiority and withdrawal than children of the same age.

2. Cultivate self-awareness.

Fortunately, you have already identified your own shortcomings in terms of personality and interpersonal relationships. You indicate that you are reluctant to present your true self in the company of your friends, and that you experience feelings of shame and fear. This suggests that you lack sufficient self-confidence. However, you are now willing to address your own issues through the application of specific techniques. Based on your description, your self-awareness remains commendable. I commend you for this.

Although one's family of origin may be perceived as less than optimal, one's personality is, in fact, generally acceptable. However, in comparison to one's peers, one may exhibit reduced confidence in interpersonal interactions, an increased likelihood of experiencing anxiety, and a lack of fundamental social knowledge.

From the perspective of psychological projection, individuals tend to focus on perceived deficiencies in themselves and seek to emulate an idealized version of themselves. This can manifest in the form of admiration and dependency on those who embody qualities that are not characteristic of the individual in question. For instance, an introverted individual may find themselves drawn to and dependent on an extroverted classmate due to the latter's enthusiasm and openness. This is because the introverted individual has not been able to fully express themselves in front of this friend, which has caused them distress.

3. Cultivate self-acceptance.

The pain and difficulties currently experienced can be attributed to an inability to accept one's true self. Complaints about a lack of parental attention and disregard persist, while an internalization of character flaws further complicates the situation.

At your core, you aspire to embody the qualities of cheerfulness and generosity. However, the nature of your upbringing has shaped a personality that is not as well-rounded as you would like, and you lack the capacity to navigate interpersonal interactions effectively. The most crucial step you can take immediately is to learn to accept yourself as you are. Regardless of your inherent traits, you must recognize that this is the authentic you. By genuinely and sincerely embracing yourself, with all your strengths and shortcomings, you will be better positioned to cultivate a more positive outlook in the future. I believe this is the most essential action you can take at this moment.

Fourthly, it is imperative to learn to improve oneself.

In light of the inability to alter one's parents, an alternative approach is to modify one's own behavior. This is because the original trauma experienced by one's parents also has no one to blame but themselves. The initial step is to recognize one's own shortcomings, confront them with courage, and cease dwelling on the psychological burdens inherited from one's original family.

Furthermore, it is unproductive to complain about responsible parents. Complaining exacerbates negative emotions and impedes the ability to move on from the past. Instead, it is beneficial to attempt to comprehend the perspectives of one's parents and to strive for reconciliation with one's original family. This approach can facilitate a reduction in the intensity of negative sentiments.

Additionally, it is recommended to read a diverse range of books to enhance one's inner self. There are also excellent courses available on various digital platforms that can be pursued. There is a vast array of books on psychology, and it is advised to select those that align with one's interests. It is suggested to read the books "Inferiority Complex and Transcendence" and "Healing the Inner Child," as they offer a wealth of insights and inspiration.

One may become more comfortable in social situations by engaging in activities that facilitate the formation of friendships, participation in clubs and activities, and the accumulation of experiences. Additionally, meeting new people and broadening one's social network can contribute to an enhanced sense of comfort in social settings.

5. Encourage personal growth.

Indeed, comprehending one's parents and moving on from past experiences represents a significant form of personal growth. While this process is not straightforward, with dedication, one can potentially evolve into an entirely different individual. At the very least, this endeavor can facilitate a more nuanced perspective on one's circumstances.

It would be beneficial to enhance one's self-confidence and self-worth, as this can facilitate the development of social skills. Individuals tend to gravitate towards those who exude confidence and a positive demeanor.

Given that you are still in school, it would be prudent to prioritize your studies. It is unnecessary to devote significant attention to matters that are beyond your capacity to address. Instead, it would be more beneficial to focus on the pursuit of academic excellence. In the future, when you transition into society and embark on your professional endeavors, you will likely perceive the current challenges you are facing as mere transient obstacles. It is my sincere hope that you will continue to flourish and improve.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned analysis will prove inspiring. I extend my best wishes to you and the world at large.

From your description, it does not appear that you lack spiritual companionship, but rather that you require it.

This is likely to be the result of some of the negative psychological effects of your family of origin, which is causing you to experience some inner tension and negative emotions in social situations. Then a girl appeared.

She is lively and cheerful, and communicates with you very smoothly. In a sense, she fulfills some of your spiritual needs.

If she is not currently involved in a relationship, I believe there is potential for a more serious connection. However, given her current romantic situation, it seems that maintaining a platonic friendship is the best course of action. Despite this, you may still experience a degree of emotional dependency.

Furthermore, you are not yet prepared to rely on another individual's romantic partner, and thus you are seeking spiritual companionship from alternative sources. This is the underlying cause of your perceived lack of spiritual companionship.

After analyzing your own problems, let's discuss the meaning of spiritual companionship, how to obtain it, and how to treat it.

What are the best ways to obtain spiritual companionship?

1. Identify a suitable spiritual partner through virtual social software.

There are numerous virtual social software options available. We suggest exploring these avenues for communication in the virtual world.

Through communication and feedback with others, you can gain insight into your interpersonal strengths and weaknesses.

As it is a virtual social interaction, the psychological pressure is minimal. The fact that you both met in the virtual world means that it does not have much of an impact on your real-life interactions.

It is advisable to be more open and to present your true self. At the same time, in the virtual world, the other person may also be more forthcoming about their feelings towards you.

You can provide each other with spiritual support and emotional intimacy. If you meet a friend with whom you can discuss your feelings, you can also further develop your friendship in real life.

2. Obtain spiritual companionship through psychological counseling services.

The Yi Xinli platform offers the opportunity to reveal your innermost feelings and seek help from professional psychologists or counselors. Professional psychological counseling services can help you identify the root causes of your social problems.

It is important to develop the ability to accept yourself and to learn effective problem-solving techniques. Additionally, it is crucial to recognize that negative emotions can be redirected in a constructive manner.

2. What is the appropriate way to treat spiritual companionship?

It is important to remember that, in the long journey of life, we are all alone. The significance of spiritual companionship is that it can promptly make up for the sense of loss in your heart.

However, this can result in an emotional attachment to the individual providing the spiritual companionship.

It is important to remember that everyone is an independent individual, and we cannot always rely on others. It is our responsibility to regulate our emotions and find spiritual fulfillment independently. Otherwise, when the person who provides spiritual companionship leaves, we may experience an even greater sense of psychological loss.

It is essential to maintain independence of thought and avoid becoming overly reliant on the pleasure derived from the actions of others.

The first objective is to instill the appropriate values and perspective on life. The second is to enhance your lifestyle and cultivate additional interests.

It is also important to develop and hone your social skills and expand your social network.

Once you have completed this process, you will be able to enjoy spiritual companionship without becoming overly reliant on others. There will be a wide range of options available to you in terms of spiritual companionship. You will no longer need to rely on someone else; instead, you will be able to enrich your cultural and entertainment life through hobbies, constantly improve and develop yourself, and effectively relieve negative emotions independently.

It is important to note that the line of questioning should not focus on a lack of social skills, a lack of friends, loneliness, or the need for emotional companionship.

It would be more beneficial to reverse the order of the questions. The optimal sequence would be: How can spiritual companionship help you gain more self-confidence, thereby positively affecting your social interactions, allowing you to present yourself better in front of others and be more readily recognized and liked?

Ultimately, you feel that you lack spiritual companionship, but in reality, you require spiritual companionship. Any kind of need is born out of a lack.

Perhaps you could take a moment to reflect on what you may have missed out on during your upbringing, in particular in your original family. What factors may have contributed to your lack of confidence in social situations?

From your account, I believe the primary reasons are twofold.

The first issue is that you are afraid of losing something and experiencing a panic attack. You believe that others will leave you because they see your shortcomings, so you are timid and do not present yourself well, which does not meet your expectations of being recognized.

This can lead to the perception that one is not performing well in social situations. However, this is often due to nervousness and an inability to perform at one's optimal level.

The second factor is fear of loneliness, which may be attributed to the original family structure.

The family atmosphere is less than optimal due to the parents' poor relationship and separate living arrangements. This has resulted in feelings of loneliness and isolation. Consequently, there is a strong desire for increased social interaction and a broader spiritual support network.

As a result, you prefer to associate with individuals who are lively and cheerful. You also have a greater desire to showcase your abilities in front of them.

This will result in a greater sense of presence and interaction.

When we are clear about our true needs and the reasons for them, we believe that we have gained a deeper understanding of self-acceptance.

Furthermore, you will gain a deeper understanding of your needs.

It is important not to let socializing become a source of undue stress. It is possible to become more active in social situations.

It is recommended that you expand your social network and enhance your spiritual well-being.

Furthermore, I recommend that you consider alternative methods of filling the aforementioned void. I suggest that you read more books on philosophy and psychology.

A rich person's perception of the world is more expansive, which enriches the individual.

Even when you are alone, you can effectively engage in activities that distract you from feelings of loneliness.

Once you have gained this understanding, you will realize that happiness is, in fact, a matter of emotional control. I hope you will be able to develop this skill at an early stage, as it will contribute to a happier life.

Given the perceived lack of spiritual guidance from one's family of origin, the importance of spiritual companionship and guidance from friends in high school and college is amplified. The hope is that this will result in a larger support system that can provide such guidance. This is an effective method for personal growth, and it is also a common pathway for acquiring external energy. The objective is to identify more efficient strategies for locating individuals who can provide spiritual companionship and guidance.

It is recommended that you expand the breadth of your external exploration.

Expanding the scope of one's outward communication also increases the number of potential opportunities for interpersonal relationships. A larger base naturally provides a greater number of avenues for achieving one's goal of establishing relationships. One can transcend the limitations of campus life and demonstrate one's capabilities through diverse recreational and learning avenues, employing various communication methods in accordance with the characteristics of different Internet platforms.

It is recommended that you reinforce the depth of interpersonal communication.

In different situations and relationships, one can express one's ideals and pursuits at the spiritual level in a variety of ways. It is recommended that the focus of communication be shifted from the superficial to the inner self as soon as possible. Additionally, it is advised that one provide as much support and assistance as possible to others at the spiritual level, with the aim of creating a greater influence within one's social circle.

It is important to continue to strengthen one's sense of self-efficacy.

It is important to believe in your abilities and potential in this area. The fact that you have attracted so many good friends to provide you with spiritual companionship and strength in high school, a stage that focuses on further education, demonstrates that your abilities, charm, and perception are all highly developed. It is essential to continue accepting your inner needs, believe in your ability to acquire things, and improve your strengths to become increasingly stronger.

Additionally, it would be interesting to consider whether spiritual companionship can be sought outside of human relationships. The pursuit of a hobby or skill may also foster a sense of companionship within oneself, potentially evoking a distinct feeling. It would be beneficial to explore novel methods and experiences in the realms of spiritual giving and companionship collectively.