I'm afraid of losing friends, so I am particularly cautious about every relationship. Is it painful?

Dear Question Asker,

It would be beneficial to demonstrate your capabilities.

Self-disclosure refers to the act of sharing personal information and inner feelings with others. It is a crucial aspect of developing deep friendships, as it allows individuals to connect on a more personal level. Psychologists have identified self-disclosure as a key factor in establishing intimate relationships, emphasizing its role as a common and effective approach in this context.

According to social penetration theory, people adhere to the norm of reciprocity when disclosing personal information. This implies that the level of self-disclosure is contingent upon the level of self-disclosure of others. Based on your description, it is possible that you may occasionally exercise caution and adhere to social norms because you attach significant value to this friendship. Conversely, you may also suppress your genuine feelings and refrain from fully disclosing your personal information. This may lead to a perception of boundaries among your friends, who may then limit their own self-disclosure. Alternatively, the questioner may suddenly reveal a considerable amount of personal information, which could potentially make your friends feel uneasy. This is because excessive knowledge about a relationship that is not yet established can be perceived as a negative thing. As a result, they may maintain a certain distance from you.

Allow your colleagues additional time.

Additionally, you have indicated that you have numerous positive relationships. This may indicate that when you allocate your time between these individuals, you do not spend as much time with each as you would prefer. It is important to note that relationships require significant time investment at the outset. One potential solution is to dedicate more time to a select few of your most valued relationships. This approach could potentially enhance the quality of these connections.

Not taking the initiative does not necessarily indicate a lack of value placed on the relationship.

I believe that some of your colleagues may be in a similar situation to me, because in my case, unlike the questioner, I am more passive in professional relationships. It's not that I don't value my colleagues, but I'm not used to reaching out to them proactively.

It is also possible that the questioner has a larger social circle and that your friends assume you are spending time with other friends when you do not invite them. They may be concerned about being rejected if they take the initiative to invite you, so they simply wait for you to extend an invitation.

The reason your colleagues have not requested your input may be that you have proposed it at an optimal juncture. The questioner also indicated that they are highly proactive in their professional relationships and consistently take the initiative to communicate or collaborate. For your colleagues, it may be that the timing of your request coincides with their established patterns of engagement, and perhaps the other individual simply wished to request your input, but you initiated the invitation.

Should you still feel uncomfortable, you may wish to consider directly expressing to your colleague your hope that the next time they will take the initiative to send an invitation.

Form your own intimate relationship.

It is important to note that there is no universal definition of friendship. What one person may consider to be a friendship may differ from what another person perceives it to be. The OP may desire a friendship where there is complete transparency, no need for politeness, and a constant companionship. However, not everyone shares this perspective. Some individuals may not prioritize the same level of closeness, personal space, or confidentiality in their friendships. Additionally, some may not adhere to the same level of consideration for their friends' feelings.

It is important to note that the lack of a suitable friendship at this time does not indicate any inherent deficiency on your part. It is simply a matter of recognizing that finding a perfect match can be challenging. Sometimes, a certain degree of luck is required to find a friend who aligns perfectly with your expectations.

The questioner has the option of seeking a partner, establishing an intimate relationship, or waiting for an individual who views friendship in the same manner as the questioner to emerge and establish the desired friendship.

I hope my response is of some assistance to you, and I wish the original poster the best of luck.