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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
From your brief description, it is evident that you are a kind and loving young man who seeks to console the girl who has been wronged with his affection.
It is possible for wounds in a relationship to be healed. A beautiful and nurturing love has the potential to heal early wounds to a significant extent. However, this presupposes that the other person must have a clear awareness of their own wounds and a strong desire to heal and change. Otherwise, it is challenging for the power of change from the outside to be accepted.
It is important to be mindful of whether the underlying motivation behind your intense desire to help this girl by fostering an intimate connection with her is driven by your own inner longing for love and acceptance, or if it is simply a genuine desire to see her well-being, regardless of her ability to reciprocate or even despite potential hurt. It is crucial to recognize this aspect and be aware of the underlying expectations that may influence your actions.
In your opinion, a person will alter their entire being in response to love. I would like to suggest, however, that this is merely an inner belief in the transformative power of love. No individual will alter their behavior for another person; rather, change must originate from within the individual and be driven by their inner will.
When an external force demands that a person change, that person must feel that they are accepted and understood enough, and that they are safe enough in the presence of the external force, before they are likely to attempt to change. If they feel that they need to change because they are rejected and disapproved of, then change is very unlikely to occur.
He will resort to self-defense as a result of his instinct for self-preservation.
I am Lily, the youngest member of the Q&A Museum. I extend my love to the world and to you.
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Comments
I can imagine how challenging and complex this situation must be for you. It's clear that you care deeply about her and want to make a positive difference in her life. Love can be a powerful force, but it's important to recognize the depth of what she has been through. Healing from such profound trauma takes time and professional support. You can be there for her as a pillar of strength, offering love and patience, while also encouraging her to seek help from therapists who specialize in trauma recovery. Remember to take care of yourself too; supporting someone with such intense needs can be draining.
Your intentions are truly noble, wanting to give her beautiful memories and warmth. However, it's essential to understand that changing someone or expecting them to change completely might not be realistic. What you can do is provide a safe space where she feels loved and accepted just as she is. Encourage open communication at her own pace and show her that conflicts can be resolved healthily. It's also okay to set boundaries to protect your wellbeing. Consider discussing these issues openly with her, emphasizing that seeking professional help could benefit both of you.
It sounds like you're stepping into this relationship with a lot of hope and a desire to heal her wounds. While love is incredibly powerful, it's important to remember that healing from deep psychological scars often requires specialized assistance. You have the opportunity to be a supportive partner, but it's equally vital to acknowledge your limits. By being patient and compassionate, you can create a nurturing environment that encourages her to grow. At the same time, ensure you're not neglecting your own emotional health. Perhaps you could suggest attending counseling together as a way to strengthen your bond and address the challenges you face as a couple.