I'm in my second year of university, and my best friend at university misunderstood me and had a fight with me. What should I do?

Hello, classmate. I can see you're feeling confused right now, and I'm here to give you a big hug!

It's totally normal to have these feelings when you're struggling with your relationships. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you another warm hug.

You know, we're all like trains. We can only take you as far as we can go.

Some people get off the bus before you, and others get on after.

But don't worry! There's always someone else to sit with you until the end of the line.

Even if you are friends, it's all up to fate!

I totally get it. You really want to write B a note about a situation in your life, but you're afraid she won't understand.

I totally get where you're coming from. Your family and B's original family are bound to be pretty different, so he might not be able to grasp why you're so prone to anxiety.

The worst that could happen is that she might not be friends with you anymore.

If you're feeling really worried, you could think about not sending B a note.

I'm so sorry to hear that you posted about B on your Facebook wall without letting her know beforehand. I can understand why she might feel that you don't respect her enough.

We're good friends, so I think the best thing to do would be to just talk to her.

It's so important to talk things through, as it can help you avoid a lot of unnecessary misunderstandings and conflicts.

If you're struggling with some negative emotions, I really recommend you speak to a professional counselor.

We have a special student discount of 50% for consultations on the platform! All you need to do is fill out a form and submit a proof of enrollment.

You're also welcome to seek help from the university's resident psychological teacher.

The wonderful thing is that the psychological counselor offers her services to you free of charge.

I really hope you can find a way through all this soon.

I'm sorry, I can think of nothing else at the moment.

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring for you. I'm here for you if you need anything at all. Just remember to study hard every day.

Welcome to Yixinli! We love you, and we hope you love us too! Best wishes!

Hello question asker!

I read your long description of the problem and understand your distress over your friendship. You decide whether to send B what you've been thinking. There's nothing we can do to influence his thoughts. It's enough to make a person agonize.

Hugs!

You deserve to be a sophomore. You described the problem well and explained it clearly. You have a clear mind and are good at expressing yourself. I compliment you on being able to express yourself so accurately.

You can express your emotions easily. You've handled the problem well. You've done a good job of maintaining your relationships with your friends. You just have a little perfectionism.

Why do you think so? Let's say you and Xiao A are friends from high school. You keep in touch and even order food for him. You've done everything you can for your friend. You've tried to talk to him more than ten times, but he never responds. You want to end it with him. You started and finished something well.

You're a perfectionist, so the current state of affairs between you and Xiao B is already good, but it still makes you feel stuck. What should we do next? Let me share my views!

Do you think B doesn't pay much attention to you? You said you haven't had time to get together lately. Is that why? You should know the story of the suspicious neighbor. You worry that B doesn't pay much attention to you. No matter what you do, he just doesn't seem to notice.

He might not have thought about it much. We often misunderstand others. When you explained it, he wrote you a note and bought you milk tea. The problem's solved, so we should check if we're the problem.

Second, we still feel he doesn't pay much attention to us. Send him a message if you want. You said it doesn't matter if he doesn't reply because you can talk in person. If you send him a message, you can talk to him in person if he doesn't reply. Just ask, "Hey, what do you think about the message I sent you?"

Take your time to explain things clearly. Just send the message if you want to. I know you're worried about whether to send the message or not. You feel anxious about things that happen easily. Many people feel this way during adolescence. My child always says this. When we send him a message, we can say, "I also tend to overthink things, just like you." I didn't mean it that way, but it causes misunderstandings. If I send the message like this, we can clarify it face-to-face.

Finally, learn to love yourself so you can handle life on your own. We're almost in our third year of university, so we need to plan for our future. You said we'll have less time to take care of each other as we get busier. So, we should focus on our studies. If we want to take the postgraduate entrance exam, we should make plans! Give yourself what you want. If people don't care about us, take care of ourselves. Go for a walk, listen to music, play a game, or vent to a platform for the opposite sex. Then, we'll be able to love ourselves.

Don't waste energy feeling anxious! If we ask for love, we are loving ourselves. When our inner love is full, everything will be resolved!

Love yourself for your future happiness!

The world and I love you!

Hello, classmate! From what you've described, it's clear that you have a hard time making friends. You have a hard time expressing your inner voice. Have you explored the reasons for this? Your communication pattern with your family may be causing you too many contrasts, and you feel suffocated and uncomfortable. You've found a solution to your problem by seeking help and using medication, but the effect has not met your requirements. Healing is a process that takes time. Medication can play a supporting role, but you need to find the substantive problem. People are complex and spiritual. Some people can come out on their own through continuous self-awareness and learning, or a true and profound saying. Some people can get solutions by receiving psychological counseling in conjunction with medication.

You and Xiao A had incredible memories of building a relationship in high school, and you have high expectations for Xiao B. However, Xiao A does not believe you are as close as you think. You sent multiple messages to Xiao A in a row without getting a reply. When you saw that Xiao A's birthday was not mentioned in your circle of friends, you thought of a series of past events flashing back in your mind, and at that moment, your heart gradually became cold.

You argued with your classmates and felt that you were misunderstood. You and your college classmates parted because each of you was busy. It's clear from the title and content that some things are your thoughts, and sometimes you look at them from an objective point of view. Deep down, you want others to pay attention to you, and the simplest request is to be able to chat with you. This kind of demand seems difficult for you to achieve. First of all, you need to understand what caused you not to be able to get into other people's circles. In your relationship with A, you did get into their circle, but A didn't accept you. However, when you were in a bad state, A was always there for you out of concern. Later, A ignored you again, and the pattern of getting along with each other changed. You couldn't adapt to this kind of change, and you were unwilling to accept the fact that you couldn't jump out of the pain. The pain will always follow you. You have tried those methods to reduce your own entanglement and pain, and you can try again. I know you will recover quickly!

I am a dolphin listening therapist. I heard your voice when I passed by and I am here to help.

Hello, question asker! You asked, "I'm a sophomore, and my best friend at university has had a fight with me and misunderstood me."

Reading your question, I feel so sorry for you and I'm here to help! I'm sending you a big, warm hug from afar to show you I care.

Let's dive in and tackle this together!

You say that your absolute best friend in high school was A, and your best friend in college was B. In high school, you were going through some tough times with family issues, but your best friend in high school, A, was always there for you, and the two of you were always together, and your relationship was very special.

After college, you both started to move in different directions. A suddenly stopped contacting you, but she was still in touch with other friends. You sent her about ten messages, but she didn't reply for more than a year.

Whenever you think of A, you feel a little lost, tired, and miserable. But you get angry when you see A's circle of friends gathering with many friends!

Looking back, you realize that your friendship is not equal. You often go to A and even bring her food. If you don't go to her, she can't even remember you.

You want to talk to A, but she doesn't respond to you. Thinking that you might not see each other again in the future, you post a status update on your social media account, saying a few emotional things that also reflect your true inner thoughts. Afterwards, you want to end things with A, and you don't want to get headaches over this anymore.

In fact, after going to college, your anxiety has not yet subsided, and you have not communicated normally with others for a long time, so you are a little nervous. But you're excited to get back into the swing of things! B is your roommate in college. You have always been together, and you have slowly become better with her.

Recently, you've been super busy and apart, but I'm sure you'll catch up soon!

From what I've read, it seems like you're not in conflict with anyone! Are you saying that you had a disagreement with your best friend B from college?

If so, I'd love to share my opinion with you, just as a reference, and see if it sparks something in you!

The famous psychologist Adler said something really interesting: "All human troubles stem from interpersonal relationships."

What can you learn from Adler's words? I have read the Adler series and it has really opened my eyes to the fact that interpersonal relationships are indeed difficult to handle because human nature is so complex – and that's what makes them so fascinating!

Everyone is a complex and contradictory being, and so is your friend! Just as when you were in a bad mood, feeling lost, sad, and miserable, and A was there for you all the time, taking good care of you, that was the real A, and that was the kind and good side of human nature!

Later, after you both went to different universities, Xiao A stopped talking to you and stopped responding to your messages. She was being genuine, and that's probably the selfish and flawed side of human nature. Do you know why Xiao A took such good care of you at that time?

Because when she helps you, she also benefits! She can have a good friend by her side who is devoted and sincere, so she is willing to spend time and energy with you to get through a difficult period in your life. Now that you are not in the same university, do you think she will still be willing?

I'm so excited for you to figure it out! I just know that your emotions will ease when you do.

Time is the best healer!

Your best friend and you had a fight, and now you're probably in a cold war. You feel misunderstood by her, but you and she both need some time to calm down. You and she should take a step back and think about what happened between you. Think about the whole thing again, from beginning to end. Once you've both calmed down and your prejudices against each other have been reduced, you can find a time when your friend is in a good mood and have a good talk.

Comparing friends is bound to involve some feelings. But here's the good news: if you can continue being friends after a breakup, that's the best! And if not, then wish each other well and thank each other for walking with you through this part of your lives.

Friendship is just one of the amazing things you get to experience at university!

University is an amazing place to devote yourself to improving yourself, to swim in the ocean of knowledge, to find treasures! You have the chance to come to such a wonderful place, so why not use this platform to develop yourself?

Universities have amazing libraries with books on all kinds of subjects, and you can borrow them for free! What a great way to learn and have fun at the same time. You can also meet people from all over the world at university. Who says friends can only be limited to the dormitory? There are so many possibilities!

There are so many amazing things you can do in college! You can read, make friends, and cultivate all kinds of hobbies, like sports, music, art, and more. You can explore whatever you're passionate about. And don't worry about minor conflicts with friends — it's totally normal, and it'll all work out in the end.

I really hope it helps!

The world and I love you!

You're sensitive and insecure with your friends. You rely on them too much.

You've invested too much emotion in both A and B, and you prioritize friends too much. True friends understand you without you having to say a word and won't easily break up with you.

In a lifetime, you'll meet many people. You don't need one or two close friends. Good friends need to be maintained. If you've given your heart to someone and they're drifting away, you don't need to care.

You may be used to it and dependent on it. From your description, I can see that you are not willing to get in touch with people. Being conservative is not good. Roommates should get along. If there is a gap, take the initiative to resolve it.

In life, you should see the world, make friends, and be yourself.

To gain friends' approval, work hard and be good. Don't be passive. Being interested in something helps gain friends.

We've been busy recently, and we've only seen more of each other since we've been apart. That night, I saw B walking in front of me, and I went up and said hello. I then decided to tease her, so I went up and jumped down in front of her, teasing her and saying that she had ignored me.

I think fate is quite amazing. Several times in the past few days, B was walking in front of me, and I was right behind her. She could have seen me if she had turned her head. I don't always want to be together. Sometimes I go out to buy food by myself, go to the study room, etc., and sometimes I go play ball with other people.

The next day, I saw A's Facebook feed and knew I wanted to break up with her. After posting those things, I felt much better and was able to move on. Anyway, I have new friends now. I'll tell someone if they ask, but if they don't, I won't. I don't want to think about it anymore.

In the afternoon, I was in gym class with B. I had previously told B that a friend of mine was ignoring me, so I mentioned it to her in a post on my Moments. I was prepared to tell her what was wrong if she asked, but she didn't, so I didn't.

I think B probably felt that I was annoyed and didn't ask. Later, one of my roommates asked me about it, so I told that roommate about it. As a result, B misunderstood and thought that I was talking about B herself. She said that she would rather talk about things face-to-face, and she found it quite annoying to send messages behind someone's back. She felt quite meaningless. B felt that I was metaphorically saying that she ignored me, saying that she was my good friend, and why didn't she tell her troubles to others instead of telling me.

I told B that I hadn't considered her feelings and was sorry. The joke was meant to tease her, and I didn't think she'd care. I told someone else that I hadn't told B because they asked me.

I told B about it, but she didn't ask me. I was also upset, so I didn't say anything. I don't know if it's because I originally had some psychological problems and my thinking was different from other people's, or because my head was dizzy and I wasn't quite awake. I just felt tired and wanted to feel better. I didn't know that this would turn out like this. I originally lost one friend, but the other friend wouldn't talk to me anymore.

Later, B said she wasn't angry anymore, but she still didn't really talk to me. A day later, B bought me milk tea and wrote a little note apologizing to me, saying she had misunderstood me and knew I wasn't talking about her.

B told me I shouldn't ignore her and that talking about others behind their backs is pointless. I believe I can say whatever I want to her face, even if we're in the same dormitory.

I used to have fun with my friends, but I'm a slow-to-warm-up type of person, and I hadn't had much fun with B before. Teasing her might have made her care a lot. After reading the little note, I wanted to tell B that I'm actually very prone to anxiety and depression, and I was afraid of being discriminated against or prejudiced, so I didn't say anything. Sometimes when I'm emo, I don't show it much, for fear of affecting others. I just think I'm overthinking it, and it will pass once I've digested it.

I want to talk to someone because I will still have emotional times in the future. I thought about it for a long time and decided to post it. I'm not afraid that B will pay less attention to me. I'm also not afraid of not being understood. I know that the things I want to forget will come back to torment me, but I'm ready to face them.

B still doesn't pay attention to me, and I'm not sure if I should say anything.

Hello!

After carefully reading the questioner's statement, I have to say that this is a relationship of multiple emotional overlays. At least when reading it, it can be a bit confusing, but that just means there's room for growth and discovery! It is not very clear who the source of the emotions is, what their true appeal is, and what feelings they made the decision based on, but that just means there's an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your relationships!

And see your true feelings and learn to listen!

When we went to university, we were still in touch, but then, out of the blue, A stopped contacting me. I sent her more than ten messages, but she didn't reply. However, A is still in touch with other friends, and it's just that she hasn't spoken to me for more than a year.

Just thinking about A makes me feel a little lost, tired, and miserable. But, wow! Seeing A's birthday post in her circle of friends, where she was celebrating with so many friends, made me angry. I thought about how our friendship was not equal, and that I often went to see A and even fetched her meals, while if I didn't go to see her, she couldn't even remember me.

I want to tell A, but she won't talk to me. I think about it, and I realize that we might not meet again for a long time. So, I post a status update on WeChat, saying a few emotional things.

From the description, we can understand that the questioner and A were good friends. However, at some point, A stopped contacting the questioner, which made the questioner feel confused, disappointed, and depressed. Later, when the questioner saw that A's birthday was approaching, the questioner felt that the friendship was not equal. This made the questioner realize that it was always the questioner who took the initiative, and that the questioner was being ignored. Therefore, the questioner wanted to end the relationship.

While there were no major disputes or conflicts in the entire friendship with A, the questioner still felt an inequality in the friendship and a sense of being ignored. Our feelings are real, but here's an interesting question: is the other person's departure definitely my problem? Or is it definitely my loss?

Absolutely! In a friendship that has been treated seriously and sincerely, if there is really a problem, it is a great idea to communicate with each other sincerely to solve it. But it seems that A did not do this, because the questioner said that he repeatedly sent messages and the other person did not reply, which means that the other person gave up the opportunity to explain himself. Then, it was the other person who would eventually end the friendship, not the questioner's problem that caused the real end.

It's totally normal to wonder why the other person didn't respond or give an explanation. Even though you're in college, it's still important to consider whether the other person has a mature mind and whether external circumstances have distracted them from making the best choices. For instance, the questioner mentioned their anxiety and depression, and the other person didn't seem to care at first. But later, they might have been influenced by other people and become concerned about it. Or, the other person might not have wanted to put themselves in a situation where they were being doubted because it would affect their sense of security. These are all possibilities! But, to know for sure, we need to understand the situation and what problems have arisen in this friendship.

But most importantly, we need to understand our own inner will, know how to listen, and when we learn what true acceptance and understanding are, then communication between the two parties can truly be effective communication, giving each other a true response. And in the relationship between the questioner and A, it seems that they do not currently have sufficient listening skills or understanding—but they can learn!

And learn to express yourself and listen to the other person's true thoughts!

If the relationship with A is one in which the questioner plays the role of the passive listener, then in the relationship with friend B, the questioner is more of a person who needs to take the initiative to explain the situation and express their inner feelings. This is an exciting opportunity for the questioner to step outside of their comfort zone and embrace a new way of communicating with friends. Whether it is friend A or friend B, the questioner always seems to enter a vague boundary when getting along with friends, and because they don't know how to express their true selves, they cause the other person to misunderstand the situation. This is a chance for the questioner to learn and grow, and to deepen their understanding of the relationships they have with their friends.

It's like Friend B. She will misunderstand the questioner because of the questioner's post in her circle of friends, and she will think that the questioner is implying that she is being ignored. The questioner, on the other hand, will hide her true feelings and try to respond accordingly because she is prone to anxiety. This makes people wonder if the questioner and her friends can just be themselves and express their thoughts and feelings freely. If a person has never truly expressed their feelings, how can the other person give a genuine response?

If the two sides are unable to communicate, a barrier will naturally arise, and they will feel a sense of estrangement. But don't fret! Even though they clearly long to be with the other person and want to listen to them, they are still able to get close to each other in other ways.

Now, here's the exciting part! The questioner may wonder how to express themselves in order to draw closer to each other.

First of all, when expressing ourselves, we must be able to accept ourselves! Why? Because only people who accept themselves can truly accept others, allowing for different possibilities. And that's a good thing! Accepting oneself gives one the strength of self-confidence and encouragement, and one will not be afraid of being rejected. After all, whether to reject or not is in the other person's domain and decision, but it does not mean that self-worth disappears. It just means that the two sides may not be able to agree or empathize for the time being. But that's okay! We can still be our best selves and accept ourselves, and that's a great place to start.

Once the questioner understands that true relationships are based on honesty, they will be able to muster the courage to give the clearest response and answer to the misunderstanding. And if Friend B can accept and understand, this is the most powerful support and response! The relationship between the two will deepen and strengthen further. The questioner's concerns will disappear, and they will be able to be their true selves. The sense of estrangement between the two will disappear!

It's totally fine if friends don't tell each other their "little secrets"! Everyone has their own past, and it's their choice whether or not to share. But when misunderstandings pop up, the most honest answer can clear the air and build trust with your friend!

You've got this! Keep up the amazing work!

It seems like you care about your friend B. You've been friends for a while, so you should all be on the same page about each other's personalities and your own. There was a misunderstanding in this story, and that's that you want to break off your relationship with A. So, what's the final announcement and summary?

So, Friend B thought you were talking about her, but that wasn't the case. You just wanted to have a quick chat with your old friend to get some of your thoughts out there. You wanted to explain that your old friend had ignored you, so you had to let the friendship come to an end.

So, this friend has heard certain words from a roommate and mistakenly thought that you were targeting her. Later, for some reason, it seems that the misunderstanding has been resolved. If that's the case, then it's actually okay, and the relationship between the two of you will not end.

I think this is a great idea. Let's not dwell on it too much. If we always think about this, others might misunderstand us and think we're too anxious. Then they won't be relaxed either. It's best to seek psychological counseling and make self-adjustments for your own anxiety.

And friends can casually bring up your anxiety in a way that's clear and direct, without leaving room for speculation. Others are likely to be more tolerant of you because you're friends, and you can't be the kind of friend who cares too much or is too harsh. There has to be a balance, a give and take. This kind of friendship can last, and you can't always be strict and nitpicky about everything. And it seems that this friend has also apologized to you, saying that she accidentally misunderstood you.

She gave you milk tea and wrote you a note, so it looks like the matter has been resolved. Let's put this to bed for now and focus on building new bridges in our friendship. I think this is a great move.

Now that you're a sophomore, it's also a pivotal time in college. The workload will gradually become more intense, and you'll have less free time. You'll probably feel less innocent and romantic than you did as a freshman. You may have to start making more preparations for your studies.

You can talk it over and decide together how to proceed. A friendship can be a nice addition to your life, but it can also be a lifelong companion. It would be great to have a friend who has similar values and can help each other. If it's something unimportant, we should try not to always bring it up and cherish each other.

And you can bring more joy and companionship to each other in the days to come. When someone needs help, you should be there for them. And when you need help, you should ask for it. If you explain that you need their support, I'm sure they'll be there for you. That's how friendships last.

You once had depression and anxiety because friend A ignored you, which made you feel quite lost, heartbroken, and exhausted. Perhaps after a friendship has gone a certain distance, it may part ways, and everyone has a new path to follow. If the two people can have the fortune of walking together, that is also something to be grateful for. In the following life, they still need to support each other and get along with each other in as relaxed a way as possible. I believe that you can go on to better experience your own life. If you usually have some negative emotions that you want to talk about, you can also talk about them here with a psychological counselor or in the psychological counseling room, to let it out. Best of luck!

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