I'm in my thirties, have a son and a daughter, and find myself a bit cold-blooded?

Hello, host. Thanks for the question. From what you've said, it seems like you're not as close to your parents and kids as you'd like to be.

You only called your parents once when they were sick, which made them feel that you were not very considerate. You are the eldest sister, and the family's situation is not very good. I understand that you are unable to help and have chosen to reduce communication with your family.

From a professional standpoint, this pattern is known as emotional isolation. It's a complex defense mechanism that aims to shield us from external harm. When emotional communication with parents doesn't support our mental and physical well-being, emotional isolation can emerge as a defense mechanism, preventing further emotional engagement. I'm what you described in the article as unfeeling and cold-blooded, even expending my own mental energy in resisting the emotional pressure brought to you by your family.

Given the current situation, it seems that the relationship between you and your parents is somewhat tense. It would be beneficial to try to improve this. People are influenced by their environment, so it's important to create a positive and supportive atmosphere.

You might want to think about adjusting the way you treat them. It could make you feel better.

In your info, you express remorse and self-blame towards your mother, hatred for your own ruthlessness and cold-bloodedness, and a deep sense of powerlessness in wanting to change this state of affairs. If you feel that you lack the motivation to change this state of affairs, you can try to enlist the help of other relatives and friends, for example by having your kids greet their grandparents and start having your kids call on their birthdays to wish them a happy birthday.

You could also invite your parents to your niece's birthday party. As long as there's no fundamental conflict of interest, the situation is appropriate, and there's good communication, most problems can be solved.

I'm pleased to have an appointment in 1983. Best regards, [Name]

The original poster is not cold-blooded. They have a day job, housework at night, and a son and daughter to worry about, so it's really difficult for them to pay attention to anything else.

I'm feeling a bit tired lately, so I've been neglecting my family and friends a little. I don't call home as often as I'd like. I think this is probably my way of protecting myself. It's like an energy-saving mode when the power is not enough, so I can maintain my daily needs and not let other things ruin my life.

Of course, this other matter is not completely unrelated to oneself now, but one's father, one's elders, and according to social ethics, one is required to take care of one's children, especially when one's father is sick. It's totally understandable that the original poster feels guilty towards her mother because she did not take the initiative to care. It's natural to reflect on oneself to see if one is cold-hearted.

As the eldest daughter, I've been blessed with high expectations from my wonderful parents and siblings. I feel like I'm constantly pulled in a million different directions!

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So the pressure is high. It's great to say that we have the ability to reflect, but do we have to push ourselves so hard?

The law says that we have a duty to support our parents, but not our siblings. Of course, the law is the bottom line, and if we have the means, we can give financial help to anyone.

But who can live a good life by accepting other people's charity? We all need to remember that no one is a savior, and you cannot fundamentally save other people's lives.

There's absolutely no need to put such a yoke on yourself, my friend. Come down from the moral altar.

And you know, if you think about it, the world just wouldn't be the same without us! If you died now, would your parents and siblings be able to get by without you? I don't think they could!

Even if you can't live up to other people's expectations, don't fret! Who will judge the host?

I think we can all agree that it's not easy to think about the worst-case scenario. But if we can do that, accept it from the heart, and then make other plans, we can move forward with a clear mind. And who knows, we might even find that we're not as afraid as we thought!

Hello, I'm Qingzhang.

You say you're cold-blooded, that life is neither happy nor sad, and that you feel tired just being alive. I think you must have been feeling sad and guilty when you wrote these words.

I don't think you're cold-blooded.

I think you haven't called your parents. You've probably been too tired or things haven't been going well. You've been through a lot on your own, so you don't have the energy to deal with anything else.

You're not uncaring, you're just concerned this will stress you out.

You had a poor relationship with your father and were the eldest child in the family. You saw more and took on more than children your age. Did you always feel neglected?

Do you want to ask for help but don't know where to go?

Many children don't understand anything when they are young. They can only silently bear the heavy responsibilities given to them by their elders or family. But now that they have grown up, people are beginning to discover their inner feelings and study why they have become this way. They also silently compare themselves to others.

Many people say that family damage is permanent. This is no reason to give up. We can't choose our origins, change the past, or change others.

To break through, we must change ourselves. Our thoughts, actions, and relationships.

You should be filial to your parents, but you are not omnipotent. Since the children are not around, it means they are old enough, and you have the right to temporarily relieve yourself from the fatigue. It doesn't matter if you call less often.

If you don't take care of yourself, you'll feel indifferent about others. Do you care about yourself enough?

Do you love yourself enough? We teach our children to love themselves first.

Life is hard and exhausting. Love and cherish yourself first! Otherwise, you won't have the strength to care about others.

No matter what others say, I hope you can believe that you are not cold-blooded and just need time to sort yourself out.

Good day. I am Lai. I previously considered myself to be a selfish, unfeeling individual.

From your comments, it is evident that you perceive yourself as lacking emotional depth, exhibiting minimal joy or sorrow, and experiencing fatigue merely from the act of living. Additionally, your narrative evinces a sense of powerlessness and guilt stemming from your experiences within your original family.

From the information provided, it can be surmised that the observed indifference may be attributed to the following factors:

One reason is a lack of energy.

The subject did not receive a substantial amount of love from their family of origin. Additionally, their relationship with their father was not optimal, which led to feelings of being unloved. Their father also exhibited tendencies towards domestic violence, which caused feelings of insecurity. The subject was the eldest child, which meant they were responsible for caring for their younger siblings. They had a multitude of concerns, and their family was not financially well-off, which resulted in significant pressure.

Despite the lack of affection received during one's upbringing, individuals are often tasked with responsibilities that exceed their capabilities. This can result in a lack of motivation to address seemingly inconsequential matters, particularly when there is a concern about one's ability to adequately care for oneself. Consequently, there may be limited time and energy to devote to the well-being of others.

The second potential explanation is that the individual is consciously or subconsciously choosing to avoid the situation.

The stress of life, the emotional distress, and the discomfort that accompany it, particularly in the context of interactions with one's parents, is a crucial point for introspection and acknowledgment.

One might assume that if one does not contact another, the situation will not arise or will not affect the other for the time being. However, avoidance is often a subconscious behavior, as not being exposed means not being hurt, which is a form of self-protection.

I wish to extend a gesture of physical affection, as it appears that you are not devoid of emotion, but rather fatigued and in a position of vulnerability. It is evident that you yearn for the embrace of a familial unit.

Nevertheless, it is important to recognise that we are now adults and therefore have the capacity to effect change. Should we be willing to do so, there are a number of steps we can take, not for the benefit of others, but for our own wellbeing and to enable us to become a better version of ourselves.

Firstly, it is important to acknowledge and address the emotional burden that may be weighing on you. Rather than focusing on your status as the eldest sister, it may be beneficial to view yourself as an ordinary child within the family unit. It is crucial to recognise that we do not have more responsibilities than others, whether financial or mental. It is also important to manage your own boundaries effectively.

2. It is important to allow and accept oneself. If one still lacks energy, it is necessary to allow oneself not to live according to the demands of others, to prioritize one's own immediate family, and to attend to matters within one's original family. When one's energy and ability permit, one can attend to additional responsibilities. In the event that one is unable to do so, it is crucial not to engage in self-attack.

Human nature is inherently self-serving. If we are unable to care for ourselves, it is even less likely that we will be able to care for the emotional needs of others.

3. Initiate your own personal growth. Should you be interested in your own mental processes and thoughts, you may wish to explore your own family of origin with the assistance of the resources available to you, such as books, lectures, audiobooks, and workshops, in a manner that suits you and within the scope of your capabilities.

As each life issue is gradually identified and resolved, the individual will experience a restoration of energy, which will in turn facilitate the natural evolution of their relationships.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned response is beneficial to you and that you experience continued improvement.