Hello, question asker.
I'm Kelly. I can see that you're not happy with yourself and that you have some concerns about your ability to speak well and feel that you may have been perceived as lacking in intelligence.
I respectfully disagree. I believe that being unable to speak does not necessarily indicate a lack of intelligence, and conversely, being able to speak does not necessarily indicate superior intelligence.
Could it be that someone kept saying this to you from childhood, and you agreed with it?
While I am not certain of the circumstances surrounding her childhood, it seems that she has struggled to communicate with those around her since a young age.
As per the insights offered by developmental psychology, language, and learning development, it is worth noting that:
It is often observed that children's language develops rapidly between the ages of two and a half and three years, and that they can generally keep up with adults in the pre-school years.
For instance, my sister is the eldest child. When she was young, her parents were quite occupied, and as far as she can recall, when she was four or five years old, she was responsible for caring for my younger brother and me. In that environment, her parents had limited time to spend with her, which may have contributed to her introverted nature and dislike of social interaction.
My sister has a fondness for painting and other solitary pursuits. When she engages in painting, she is able to express her unique perspective. During her childhood, she often received visitors who were drawn to her artistic talents. As she grew up, she pursued a career in a field that allowed her to continue expressing herself through her creative endeavors.
For instance, I am the second child in my family, and at that time my sister was the primary caregiver. I began seeking out companions with whom to play at a very early age, and I gradually learned to communicate and interact with my friends. As I grew up, I pursued work in a field related to people, and it's possible that this is also a skill I developed during my childhood.
I would like to share an example from my own experience, which I hope will be helpful to the questioner. I believe that the different abilities my sister and I possess may have been influenced by our childhood experiences.
Many people have this personality type, including my husband. He is reserved and tends to be more introverted. He enjoys playing Go and reading books. I later came to understand that although my husband and sister don't engage in frequent conversation, they both possess a number of admirable traits:
1: They are very focused when doing things and are neither impatient nor rash.
2: They tend to refrain from commenting on the right and wrong of others, and they are generally well-liked by all. Friends often perceive them as reliable and trustworthy.
It might be helpful for the question owner to focus on their strengths rather than their shortcomings. Building on one's strengths while avoiding weaknesses could be a good approach. Here are a few suggestions:
1: The questioner may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a counselor, with a view to regaining their self-confidence and learning to recognize the positive aspects of themselves.
2: If the questioner is not comfortable talking, they might consider writing articles instead. For instance, there are numerous sections on Yixinli, including articles, trends, communities, and a multi-person counseling room. The key is to persist in learning and participating here, as this can lead to valuable insights. Additionally, communicating with the outside world can help rebuild self-confidence.
3: You can learn interpersonal skills through learning, reading, and the WeChat community. There are several resources available, including the Interpersonal Relationships Mutual Aid Hall, the Psychology Research Institute, the Marriage and Love Research Institute, and even the Depression and Anxiety Group for those who are feeling down. These are all free, and they provide a platform for learning and communication with others, as well as the opportunity to connect with teachers who are experienced in communication skills. You can learn more and seek advice if you'd like. The question owner can give it a try.
If you're open to change and ready to participate, I believe that with time, you'll find the answers you seek and see gradual improvement.
I hope you find happiness.


Comments
I can totally relate to feeling out of sync with everyone else. It's like I'm on a different wavelength, and finding the right words is always a struggle. But maybe that's where the growth comes from; we learn by facing these challenges headon.
It sounds really tough, not being able to connect or express yourself the way you want. But remember, everyone has their own unique pace. Maybe it's time to start small, practice speaking your thoughts even if they seem simple, and gradually build up from there.
Feeling stupid is just a part of the learning process, and you're definitely not alone in this. Sometimes, it helps to find a community or a group where people are going through similar experiences. Sharing and learning together can make a big difference.
Communication isn't just about talking; it's also about listening and understanding. If chatting feels overwhelming, try focusing on listening first. You might find that understanding others can help you feel more comfortable when it's your turn to speak.
It's okay to feel lost sometimes. We all have moments where we forget things or can't recall what we wanted to say. The key is to be patient with yourself. Maybe writing down your thoughts or practicing conversations can help you feel more prepared and confident over time.