I'm over 30 and still have low emotional intelligence and can't take the conversation forward. I'm too honest. What should I do?

Hello, question asker.

I'm Kelly. I can see that you're not happy with yourself and that you have some concerns about your ability to speak well and feel that you may have been perceived as lacking in intelligence.

I respectfully disagree. I believe that being unable to speak does not necessarily indicate a lack of intelligence, and conversely, being able to speak does not necessarily indicate superior intelligence.

Could it be that someone kept saying this to you from childhood, and you agreed with it?

While I am not certain of the circumstances surrounding her childhood, it seems that she has struggled to communicate with those around her since a young age.

As per the insights offered by developmental psychology, language, and learning development, it is worth noting that:

It is often observed that children's language develops rapidly between the ages of two and a half and three years, and that they can generally keep up with adults in the pre-school years.

For instance, my sister is the eldest child. When she was young, her parents were quite occupied, and as far as she can recall, when she was four or five years old, she was responsible for caring for my younger brother and me. In that environment, her parents had limited time to spend with her, which may have contributed to her introverted nature and dislike of social interaction.

My sister has a fondness for painting and other solitary pursuits. When she engages in painting, she is able to express her unique perspective. During her childhood, she often received visitors who were drawn to her artistic talents. As she grew up, she pursued a career in a field that allowed her to continue expressing herself through her creative endeavors.

For instance, I am the second child in my family, and at that time my sister was the primary caregiver. I began seeking out companions with whom to play at a very early age, and I gradually learned to communicate and interact with my friends. As I grew up, I pursued work in a field related to people, and it's possible that this is also a skill I developed during my childhood.

I would like to share an example from my own experience, which I hope will be helpful to the questioner. I believe that the different abilities my sister and I possess may have been influenced by our childhood experiences.

Many people have this personality type, including my husband. He is reserved and tends to be more introverted. He enjoys playing Go and reading books. I later came to understand that although my husband and sister don't engage in frequent conversation, they both possess a number of admirable traits:

1: They are very focused when doing things and are neither impatient nor rash.

2: They tend to refrain from commenting on the right and wrong of others, and they are generally well-liked by all. Friends often perceive them as reliable and trustworthy.

It might be helpful for the question owner to focus on their strengths rather than their shortcomings. Building on one's strengths while avoiding weaknesses could be a good approach. Here are a few suggestions:

1: The questioner may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a counselor, with a view to regaining their self-confidence and learning to recognize the positive aspects of themselves.

2: If the questioner is not comfortable talking, they might consider writing articles instead. For instance, there are numerous sections on Yixinli, including articles, trends, communities, and a multi-person counseling room. The key is to persist in learning and participating here, as this can lead to valuable insights. Additionally, communicating with the outside world can help rebuild self-confidence.

3: You can learn interpersonal skills through learning, reading, and the WeChat community. There are several resources available, including the Interpersonal Relationships Mutual Aid Hall, the Psychology Research Institute, the Marriage and Love Research Institute, and even the Depression and Anxiety Group for those who are feeling down. These are all free, and they provide a platform for learning and communication with others, as well as the opportunity to connect with teachers who are experienced in communication skills. You can learn more and seek advice if you'd like. The question owner can give it a try.

If you're open to change and ready to participate, I believe that with time, you'll find the answers you seek and see gradual improvement.

I hope you find happiness.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to help!

What you're going through is a bit of an interpersonal issue. Let me give you a warm hug again.

I was in your shoes 20 years ago.

Back then, I was too afraid to take the initiative because I was worried about being embarrassed and laughed at in public.

But I can't avoid communicating with people forever.

At the time, I was studying in London, England, and I had a close friend.

Every time I had to speak with the building manager about repairs in the house, I initially asked my close friend to do it. She accompanied me.

At first, I just listened to her talk to the manager.

After about three times, she let me communicate on my own, even though she was there.

After that, she'd give me feedback right away on what I could improve on.

In a situation like yours, the most important thing is to practice more and not be afraid to make mistakes.

Because communication is an art form, and practice makes perfect.

I really hope you can resolve the issue you're facing soon.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. I'm here to help, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love what we do and we love our customers. Best wishes!

You can ask questions, which shows you are brave and sincere. Don't be afraid of starting late. Start now!

You are already growing from the moment you become aware of your communication problems.

Communication is a big deal, but it's also a small one. It's in our daily lives and happens all the time.

It can be as simple as buying a bottle of water from the store and chatting with the shopkeeper, or as complex as giving a speech at a meeting, expressing your meaning and work achievements in detail and clearly.

You can start practicing communication every day, at any time, and anywhere.

Start practicing your communication skills now by using your phone to call your parents and send them a WeChat message. Be able to clearly and concisely narrate a small event.

The narrative can be structured around time, place, people, events, results, and your own feelings.

It can also be structured around time, place, people, events, results, and your own feelings. Review what happened in the past, summarize what you have done now, and look forward to what will happen in the future.

When sending WeChat messages to familiar people, make sure you express a clear and complete meaning so that there is no room for misunderstanding.

Practice every day. You will notice changes in yourself over time.

Make sure you interact with people who don't have malicious intentions. You'll get feedback and you'll know whether you've expressed yourself clearly without being ridiculed or attacked.

You can also practice not knowing what to say.

The simplest way to engage with others is to praise them. This can be as simple as saying, "You're right," or "I see." A more advanced method is humor. This can be unexpected and contrary to the meaning, also known as "dropping a bombshell."

For people who are not good at speaking, the ideal strategy is to listen to others more. Practice listening skills.

Listening is a skill. It's more difficult than expressing yourself, but it's worth the effort.

Listening allows you to see the other person's intentions, needs, emotions, and subtext.

Listen more when communicating with others. Don't let a lack of words stop you from interacting with people.

There's no doubt about it: action is the best form of endorsement between people. Being able to listen and do things is more powerful and more worth learning than being able to speak.

If you're still obsessed with speaking and expression, watch more talk shows and buy books on impromptu speeches. You'll learn a lot of technical things.

Read the book "How to Become a Person Interesting to Listen To." It'll teach you how stand-up comedians respond to comments and set up punchlines. It'll also tell you how the author, David Nicholls, went from being someone who was terrified of public speaking to becoming a stand-up comedian.

Read this book. It contains a lot of practical tips.

The key to everything is practice. Practice more and you will master the skill of communication.

Best wishes!

Hello!

Your writing is sharp. You seem to be being unfair to yourself.

I want to improve my eloquence and communication skills.

Believe in yourself. Have confidence in becoming more studious and able to express your feelings fluently. Your brain will help you find solutions to problems. Reading and exercising can improve the mind.

Believe in your potential. Everyone is unique.

Set more precise goals. Try to be better than you were before. Be yourself!

One day, you'll succeed without even realizing it.

Your friends and partners are attracted to your charisma, not your attempts to please them. The purpose of practicing eloquence is to help others discover the light within.

If you get help from a psychologist, it can help you change your thoughts and feel better.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to inquire about a matter that has come to my attention. Thank you in advance for your attention to this matter. Sincerely, [Your Name]

If you lack the skills to communicate effectively with others and your anxiety/interpersonal-relationships-are-difficult-and-i-have-strong-feudal-thoughts-deep-inside-what-should-i-do-12922.html" target="_blank">interpersonal relationships are poor, your anxiety and stress will be evident to those around you. They will appreciate your honesty about your feelings and your willingness to seek help.

Without further details, it is difficult to assess the specifics of your interpersonal interactions and determine whether they truly reflect the level of difficulty you describe. However, your statements indicate a tendency to be overly self-critical, expressing frustration with perceived shortcomings and a sense of inadequacy.

My first piece of advice is to accept yourself as you are and to avoid excessive self-criticism.

Perhaps you are not as deficient as you perceive yourself to be. It is possible that you simply lack the requisite interpersonal skills, but it is also likely that you were not exposed to sufficient role models during your formative years.

I advise you to avoid placing excessive pressure on yourself and to refrain from dwelling on grievances and self-blame.

There are numerous avenues for improvement.

One possible solution is to search for EQ courses on 163.com or read some books on EQ to learn from the experiences of professionals in related fields.

Secondly, observe individuals in your vicinity who possess exemplary interpersonal skills and effective communication techniques. When you are still developing your own abilities in this area, you can learn from the examples set by others.

Third, you can review a situation in which you felt you didn't express yourself well. When you are alone, take the time to consider how you could have expressed yourself more effectively. You can even practice in front of a mirror at home, so that next time you encounter a similar situation, you may be able to react more quickly.

While interpersonal relationships are important, they are not a primary concern. Some individuals may not excel in this area, but they often possess other strengths. Many scientists and thinkers, for instance, may not have particularly strong interpersonal skills.

They can concentrate on their areas of expertise, appreciate the benefits of solitude, and lead fulfilling lives.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I extend my warmest regards to the world.

Good morning, host. I am honored to answer your question. In your description, you have indicated that you have been unable to communicate fluently with others until you were 30 years old. Additionally, you have stated that your relationships are not good and that you consider your life a failure. Your own evaluation of your communication abilities is relatively low.

Individuals possess distinct personalities, with some exhibiting greater sociability and communication skills, while others display a more reserved nature and a proclivity for independent pursuits. The capacity to communicate effectively, whether among introverts or extroverts, is largely shaped by one's personality traits, with no clear distinction between high and low levels of communication proficiency. As individuals mature, those who have achieved a certain level of success may increasingly seek solitude and actively disengage from social interactions that prove to be ineffective.

In addition to the content of the exchange, non-verbal body language plays a significant role in social processes. The 55387 principle, which is applicable in the context of interpersonal communication, suggests that visual information accounts for 55% of the total communication, while approximate information accounts for 38%. In comparison to the substance of the message, the tone and intonation of speech are of greater importance. The content of speech, however, is only a minor component of the overall communication process. In other words, controlling body language is more crucial than grasping the content of communication.

Communication also has its own techniques. Prior to learning to express oneself, it is essential to learn to listen. Once the other person's message is understood, it becomes possible to express one's own meaning in a clear and accurate manner. This kind of communication is efficient and facilitates mutual understanding. It is a pleasure to have made your acquaintance. 1983. The world and I love you!