Intensely contradictory, be someone who likes themselves or someone who is liked by others?

Hello!

Firstly,

I'm happy to answer your question in the title!

I think the best answer is to be someone who is liked and who likes himself.

As the saying goes, staying in the middle is the best state.

Of course, I'm just kidding around.

Let's be real for a second. Nobody is born hating themselves.

It's totally normal to feel like there's a gap between who you are in reality and who you want to be.

You say you don't like your current self, but you're not sure why you keep choosing to maintain the status quo.

So, you actually like your current self and all that it can bring you.

It's totally possible that, being free and unrestrained, you don't care about others or what they think. And then, you might find yourself slacking off a bit, which is totally normal!

I know it can be tough, but compared to the question of whether you like yourself or not, the answer has to be yes.

Absolutely! You like yourself a lot, no matter who you are.

It's okay, we all want more and we all want to do more, but we haven't got it yet.

It's totally normal to want to be a better version of yourself. We all do! But it's also okay if you haven't reached your goal yet or if you're still working towards something else.

You haven't quite got there yet, but that's ok! It's totally normal to feel this way when you're trying to achieve something you really want. You like yourself when you do well, and when you don't do well enough, you still like yourself.

Secondly, as for what you said, it's true that others like it.

Let's put it this way: we all like ourselves easily, so it's only natural to question it and even feel a bit inferior sometimes.

It's okay to feel like you're the only one who likes you sometimes. We all do! It's only natural to want the approval of others, but it's also important to remember that you're worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.

Even if you say you don't care what others think, it's only natural to want their approval. When you only get approval from yourself and encounter disapproval from others, it's only human to feel doubtful and worried.

So, if you're not liked at all, it can be really tough to feel confident in yourself.

It's not realistic to think that you can be liked by everyone all the time. We all get rejected sometimes, and that's okay!

If you really don't like people, you might find it tough to do that and to like yourself wholeheartedly and persistently.

You might even start to question yourself, and this is probably why you think you are "inferior."

Third, from a realistic point of view, it's important to remember that, compared to being liked, you may sometimes be disliked.

It's okay if people don't see you or care about you. We all have to deal with that sometimes. And without communication, you don't even make an impression.

It can be tough to find people who really connect with you. We live in a busy world, and it's not easy for anyone to make a connection with a stranger.

If you want to be liked and have people feel something for you, it's probably best to make sure you meet these few simple requirements.

It's so important to engage with others, get along, give, and communicate.

It's so important to make a good impression! You have to at least become more than a mere passer-by, otherwise people won't feel anything for you.

And if you are liked or disliked,

It really depends on who you are, what you do, and how you interact with others.

It can be really tough to be liked if other people don't recognize your behavior and character.

If you treat someone badly, look down on them, ignore them, and still want them to like you, it's going to be difficult. Not many people are willing to inflict self-harm, and that's okay!

It's important to remember that even celebrities have their own struggles.

And let's not forget that their appearance, figure, and even various skills and emotional intelligence also require constant practice in order to be recognized.

Some even have to suffer from inexplicable monitoring, harassment, and lack of privacy. It's so sad!

So, the fourth point is...

You get what you pay for, my friend.

There are so many contradictions in this world, aren't there? But you know what they say: for every gain, there's a price to pay.

For example, if you stick to a healthy diet and work out regularly, you'll see great results! But it'll take a lot of dedication and perseverance, more than what most people can handle.

Let's say you just go with the flow and slack off. You'll get a little temporary pleasure from the freedom and ease, but you'll miss out on the chance to change your future and look forward to your future.

You can even keep choosing the current state of conflict if you want to. It's totally up to you. You'll still have to deal with that intense sense of conflict, helplessness, and discomfort, but you don't have to face reality, change, or make a choice.

Summary:

Life is all yours! The future is in your hands. If you want to cultivate, you will definitely get a harvest. It could be a flower, a fruit, or something else. It all depends on your cultivation methods and seeds.

But if you don't plant, you definitely won't have any. So just take action and plant it! We'll discuss the next step together.

I just wanted to share this as a helpful reference for you!

Good morning,

Given that you are describing me, whether you want to be someone who likes themselves or someone who is liked by others, why must you consider the two as separate entities? This is a mutually beneficial situation.

Your description does not align with the reality of the situation. Neither of the two options you presented—either doing what I like or catering to others' attitudes, which ultimately leads to losing myself and being liked by others—is a healthy state of self.

This implies that one's shape is not fixed. Just as some people prefer squares, we shape ourselves into squares; some like circles, so we shape ourselves into circles; and some like triangles, so we shape ourselves into triangles. It is therefore impossible to meet everyone's expectations and reach the standard we are pursuing. Furthermore, it is unfeasible to be liked by everyone. The result is often that we do our best and do so much, but we don't get the results we want at all. Instead, we lose focus and let ourselves disassociate again and again.

On the other hand, there is a fear of living out one's true self, being the way one likes, and being unable to meet other people's expectations. This fear of disappointing others and not being liked and recognized by others is, in fact, somewhat narcissistic.

It would appear that each utterance or action is observed by a multitude of individuals. Even minor shortcomings or errors are subjected to intense scrutiny and commented upon by others. This phenomenon can be regarded as a form of narcissism, characterised by an over-amplification of one's own functions.

Another issue is that self-knowledge is still not sufficiently accurate. There is no clear self-positioning, and there is a lack of self-identification and affirmation. This results in a constant back-and-forth between the inner self and the outside world. The constant struggle and consumption often result in two voices arguing, leaving one with no choice and causing one to expend a great deal of energy, even to the verge of collapse.

Let us consider this situation. You can envision the ideal self in your mind, like your perfect image, the highlight of that moment, what you would look like. You can fully restore this image. You can take a piece of paper and describe yourself. Then this is what you expect to look like, and it can also be used as a direction and goal for yourself to work towards.

It is also important to make a reasonable assessment and acceptance of one's own objective reality. Just like the future, it can only be achieved through one's own efforts. While a reality in the future can be made a reality through one's own efforts, it is still necessary to live in the present. Therefore, it is important to make a reasonable analysis and assessment of one's current true self-state. It can be seen that in life, the real self sees some objective and practical facts.

It is important to note that this process does not entail a complete rejection of one's current self in favor of an idealized, perfect version. Rather, it involves a constructive approach to addressing discrepancies between the two.

Instead, you must accept yourself as you are and then work towards your goal with practical efforts and concrete methods, accumulating and experiencing them bit by bit. You may have different discoveries and feelings along the way, which you can adjust and integrate in a timely manner. Over time, you will find a clear self-positioning.

When you are able to demonstrate that you are operating in an objective reality, in the present moment, rather than attempting to live up to your own expectations, your state of self will be much more grounded.

Good day, landlord. I hope my response can be of some assistance to you.

I believe that if we like ourselves, it will be easier for others to like us too.

There is a phenomenon in psychology called the projection effect. It refers to the tendency to attribute one's own characteristics to others. When we perceive and form an impression of others, we often think that they have similar characteristics to ourselves. This means that we project our own feelings, will, and characteristics onto others and impose them on them. In other words, we project ourselves onto others. When we don't like ourselves, the projection effect leads us to believe that other people don't like us either. When we like ourselves enough, we realize that it doesn't matter much whether other people like us or not.

If we change ourselves to be more appealing, it may result in us always living up to other people's expectations. This could potentially lead to a lack of initiative over our own lives, and may affect our sense of worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence.

If you are living for others, it may feel as though this life is not your own.

As the poem "Silent Confession" suggests, our lives could be defined by shaking off the expectations of others and becoming our true selves.

Indian-Canadian poet Rupi Kaur insightfully observed, "We are born so beautiful, and it can be a great challenge to gradually accept the opinions of others about ourselves."

It would seem that, at least at first glance, everyone's life is always defined by others. Parents define us by our names, teachers by our grades, leaders by our achievements, partners by our emotions, and society by its expectations.

So, who are we? Having come to know ourselves and freed ourselves from dependence on the opinions of others, how might we live our lives?

How might we give meaning to our lives?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that in order to be liked, it is not necessary to lose ourselves, but rather to define ourselves.

It may be helpful to define yourself, not to evaluate yourself, but to consciously organize your physical, human, and wise natures. This can help the material, emotional, and spiritual selves to operate in an orderly manner, ultimately allowing you to live the way you want.

It is important to remember that defining oneself does not mean denying one's true self. Instead, it is about embracing one's identity and exploring the rich tapestry of possibilities that come with it.

I once had the privilege of hearing Lin Zi discuss a case.

The father of one of her male clients had built up a successful family business in his early years. As he grew older, the issue of business succession came to the fore, and he became anxious in the power struggle between his brothers.

Those around him believed that, as the eldest son, he should do his utmost to gain control of the company and avoid making mistakes at critical moments.

Initially, he believed that he was on the right track and thus strived to demonstrate his capabilities in front of his father. However, despite his efforts, he ended up making mistakes, which led to disappointment and frustration on his father's part.

Teacher Lin Zi inquired, "How did you feel when you faced your father's disappointment?" He replied, "I felt a sense of internal conflict. On the one hand, I felt a sense of shame, but on the other hand, I felt a sense of relief. Then, because I felt relieved, I felt a sense of self-blame."

"I even feel that I may be inadvertently causing difficulties."

The teacher then inquired, "Did your actions result in any tangible outcomes?" He took a moment to reflect and replied, "A sense of relief—I realized that I had no desire to exert control over the situation."

The teacher then inquired, "So, what are your aspirations?" He took a moment to reflect and replied, "I would like to have a more straightforward lifestyle, and I would prefer not to work as long as my father did."

"I find that I actually prefer being able to read a book or listen to music every day to endless socializing."

The teacher inquired, "It seems there may be a discrepancy between what you desire and what those around you desire for you." He nodded and replied, "Yes, that seems to be the case."

"In their eyes, I can only succeed and look good if I get control. I think they are right, so I charge ahead headlong, only to end up making myself so anxious!"

In the following sessions, they repeated the same exercise several times: listening to their inner voice. Finally, he straightened his back, took a deep breath, did two powerful chest-expanding exercises, and said in a relaxed but firm voice, "I have decided to accept the loss of face, power, and wealth, and follow my heart. If I don't, I may lose even more important things and never be happy for the rest of my life."

By listening to his inner voice, the visitor grew wiser, and wisdom helped to reduce his anxiety. You might also like to consider: if it were you, what would your heart choose?

One's ability to find happiness within oneself is a valuable indicator of one's wisdom. On this point, on a scale of 0 to 10, how would you rate your wisdom?

Lin Zi said, "From my experience of more than 20 years in psychological counseling, I have gained an insight that I believe is important. I believe that the reason a person is anxious is because they cannot be with themselves.

Perhaps we could say that when we try to change ourselves to be more likeable, it shows that we are holding ourselves to a negative standard. If we can say yes to our lives, accept ourselves as we are, and develop our vitality and sensitivity, we may find that we naturally attract people who like us and stay away from those who don't.

It's important to remember that nobody is perfect, and it's not realistic to expect everyone to like us all the time. Even the best of us will have people who like us and people who don't. But one person who will always like you is yourself.

I believe that self-acceptance is one of the most valuable resources a person can possess. When we are happy with who we are, it brings us immense joy.

It's natural to want to be liked and to want to establish good relationships with others. However, if we suppress our own needs in the process, the relationship may not be as stable as we'd like. When we don't meet our own needs, we may feel resentment and other negative emotions, which can make it difficult to feel comfortable and secure in the relationship.

Schopenhauer observed that people often dwell on how others perceive them, which can be a natural inclination. However, he noted that our happiness is not necessarily tied to the opinions of others.

It is worth noting that despite this, people often still feel happy about praise from others. This may be because even if the praise is not entirely accurate, it is still accepted, and the lie is still welcomed.

It is natural for people to appreciate praise from others, as it can make them feel valued and accepted. However, it is important to recognize that our desire for external validation may stem from an underlying need to love and accept ourselves more fully.

There is a concept in psychology that suggests we may seek external validation when we lack self-assurance.

It's important to remember that people and situations outside of ourselves are not always stable, and it's not realistic to expect constant recognition, affirmation, or like from others. We also have limited control over the thoughts and actions of others, but we can take charge of our own thoughts and actions.

It would be beneficial for us to turn inward and focus on self-discovery. We should strive to accept ourselves, affirm our worth, and nurture our growth. When we feel a sense of self-acceptance and self-love, it's easier to let go of the need for external validation and recognition.

If that is your reality, then that is wonderful. It is positive feedback and a bonus. If it is not, then that is okay too, because you are complete in yourself.

Schopenhauer posited that humans are most likely to experience happiness when they are able to move closer to their true selves, rather than being driven by external desires.

Could we perhaps consider gradually freeing ourselves from the expectations of others, allowing ourselves to become our true selves, and reaping the rewards of a happy life, while encouraging one another?

Good morning,

Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.

Individuals who embrace self-love will become more refined, and their positive demeanor will positively influence those around them, fostering mutual respect and admiration. Conversely, those who lack self-acceptance and are unable to extend the same respect to others may find themselves disconnected from their own sense of self.

Do not dwell on the question of right and wrong.

The process of growing up is one of trial and error. Therefore, focusing on right and wrong will impede growth. Taking chances and exercising caution are not the result of recklessness or fear. Rather, they are a temporary deviation in thinking and behavior caused by a lack of awareness of one's true value. However, during this process, one will constantly receive cues, just as the original poster did. This will result in the urge to change direction when something does not feel right. This is an appropriate choice, and it is not the beginning of failure.

How might one gain self-understanding and identify personal preferences?

It is important to explore your own identity and to develop a sense of self-respect and self-love.

Sincerity will always serve as a reliable compass for navigating the choices you make. The only thing we can be sure of on the road to the future is how we feel and what we think right now. We cannot predict how we will feel or think tomorrow, and we cannot make decisions for the future.

Given the ever-changing nature of feelings, circumstances, and our own thoughts and decisions, it is clear that each stage of life's trials and experiences is valuable. They provide us with inner strength and the most beneficial advice, enabling us to become the best version of ourselves. This is our obligation and responsibility.

There were five individuals who had clearly defined career aspirations. However, after graduating from high school, one individual chose to pursue a different path. The remaining four persisted for another three years, and two of them opted to pursue higher education abroad, believing it would offer more opportunities. After graduating, another individual decided to leave because she felt that getting married at an older age would limit her options. She naively believed that she could become the person she wanted to be at any time, but she lacked the perseverance to see it through. As a result, she ended up as a housewife, unable to see the value in other roles and perspectives. And who will the remaining individual be? Will it be us? Only those who have invested in their careers are truly qualified to answer that question.

Read more, expand your network, and travel to new locations.

Given the circumstances of the pandemic, it is not feasible to travel thousands of miles. What is important is the spirit of learning. If you want to grow, you need to take real steps and study in a practical way. Only in this way can old knowledge and inappropriate concepts be replaced, and ultimately you can grow and make progress compared to yesterday.

It is unfortunate that in today's world, individuals who are confident and assertive are often humble in their learning. They avoid acting pretentiously. Conversely, those who lack self-assurance tend to be eager to learn. They readily express their opinions without sufficient evidence, similar to those who do not engage in independent study. They require constant encouragement, while high-performing students can be self-motivated and demonstrate responsibility.

Set attainable objectives for yourself, starting with small goals, and develop self-confidence.

In today's scientific era, individuals are no longer inclined to pursue ambitious, time-sensitive goals without consideration. Instead, they are more likely to identify objectives that align with their abilities and to start with small, achievable steps. Over time, they may add more goals, gradually breaking through perceived barriers. This approach is both scientific and motivating. It is akin to a novice ice skater who, with practice, can gradually develop the ability to skate in a graceful, well-controlled manner.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.