Is being bothered by verbal insults from peers a sign of low self-esteem? Or is it a lack of confidence?

Hello, question asker! I can see that you're eager to gain a deeper understanding of your current psychological states. It's great that you're interested in exploring ways to adjust your state of mind so you can adapt better to your environment and interact more effectively with others!

Now, let's dive into your question!

1. Your first sentence says that you care more about insults from your peers, which is a sign of low self-esteem. We believe that anyone with a healthy personality would be unhappy if they were insulted or abused. But here's the good news: you can change this!

This is not low self-esteem! It's simply an emotion triggered by a sense of self-preservation after being offended. And it's perfectly normal!

So, in fact, the questioner may consider what exactly you mean by caring? What kind of emotional feeling is caring?

I can feel the undercurrents of humiliation and anger. Could this be what you mean by caring? Absolutely! If you calm down and pay attention, it is perfectly normal to feel anger when you are ordered around by someone whose character is not very convincing in every way, and to feel a sense of humiliation when you are insulted.

It's not a reflection of low self-esteem. It's an uncomfortable feeling caused by knowing how to respect and love oneself.

2. Since you mentioned low self-esteem, I'm really interested to know what happened that made you doubt yourself in this regard. Generally speaking, people with low self-esteem are more likely to succumb to accusations or criticisms and aggrieve their own bodies and minds.

I think the questioner did a great job! They made a more objective analysis of the situation and didn't let the other person's actions affect them. It's clear they have a strong sense of self-awareness.

In that case, let's think together about what you would do if you were put back in the situation that made you feel humiliated. How could you better protect your self-respect and feel a sense of self-worth? I'm excited to hear your ideas!

Absolutely! You can respond to your true thoughts calmly and firmly.

You should definitely record this incident and reflect on the process to see what you need to improve and enhance yourself, as well as what the unreasonable demands of the other party are.

Maybe you're ready for a change! If so, think about how you'd handle a similar situation if you changed jobs. This could help reduce your psychological conflict.

3. Finally, I think that through the above self-awareness, you can also realize that something may be difficult, challenging, or even frustrating at the moment. But here's the good news: you can always analyze these setbacks and difficulties to train yourself to respond positively! In the future, when you encounter similar situations in life, you will be able to deal with them with ease. In other words, when encountering such annoying things, instead of being entangled and suffering, or getting stuck in a difficult situation, it is better to open up your mind and actively seek solutions, or give this matter a positive meaning, so as to educate, grow, and strengthen yourself. Strive to respond positively to the difficulties of the moment, and they may not all be bad things for you in the future.

I really hope this is helpful!

I would like to express my gratitude to the questioner for taking the time to engage in this discourse.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a sense of anger in response to his verbal and behavioral actions. At first glance, his words and actions appear to be incongruous with the qualities of high emotional intelligence.

One might inquire as to the source of the anger. If one were to observe the situation from a neutral position, would the same level of anger be present?

The situation remains identical, yet a shift in perspective can engender a change in emotional response. One might posit that the anger is a direct result of the individual's targeting of the subject, whereas if the same action were directed towards another, the emotional reaction would be different.

One might inquire as to the reason behind the provocation of anger.

If the same statement is made by another individual who possesses a high emotional quotient and a clear understanding of their identity and the implications of their actions, it is less likely that they will experience the same level of anger.

The reason for the anger is that there is a fundamental agreement with the content of the statement. How might this phenomenon be explained?

To illustrate, if an individual with a height of 1.8 meters is referred to as a dwarf, they are unlikely to engage in a dispute with the person who made the remark and instead may choose to respond with humor.

If one is not tall, for example, one is likely to become angry when such a remark is made, as it is likely that one agrees with the assertion that one does not work fast.

Concurrently, one experiences the perception of the individual in question as inferior, devoid of any discernible quality or character. However, the manager holds a favorable opinion of him, which the individual exploits to engage in intimidation tactics. This situation is perceived as highly unjust, prompting feelings of disillusionment and questioning the fundamental fairness of the world.

It must be acknowledged that the individual in question possesses the capacity to foster a positive rapport with the manager, despite exhibiting a dearth of admirable qualities and a lack of integrity. This assertion merits acknowledgement.

Upon identifying the root cause of one's anger, it becomes possible to develop the capacity to work more efficiently or to gain the recognition and appreciation of one's supervisor. When these abilities are in place, one is less likely to experience anger internally when confronted with similar behavior from one's supervisor.

Ultimately, it is essential to discern the underlying psychological motivations that shape our emotional responses. Otherwise, if one were to assume a different role or position, they would likely encounter similar individuals and circumstances that would facilitate the same introspective process until a resolution is reached. Life, in essence, is a journey of self-discovery and growth.

External individuals and circumstances serve to facilitate introspection and self-reflection.

It is my hope that this response is of some assistance. I extend my best wishes to you.

Hi, I'm Xin Tan, Fei Yun's coach.

You felt your anger and injustice, being verbally abused, picked on, and criticized by your colleagues. Your anger exploded, but you still have a knot in your heart that has not been resolved. Such experiences have also made you doubt and deny yourself.

Let's hug from a distance and take a look at the problem that's bothering you.

Anger is a way to set boundaries when you feel offended by others.

From what you said in your message, it seems like the young man offended you. As a fellow officer, he pointed his finger at you and made all kinds of accusations and criticisms, so it's understandable that you were upset.

First of all, he's not the boss, and we're all equal, so why should he be in charge of you? Second, we all work differently, and we can't really follow his habits on our own.

The most important thing is that the other person insulted you, which is really frustrating.

My dear, this is the "fact" you see, but there's more to the story. It's like the number 9: when you look at it, it's 9, but when I look at it, it's 6. If we put ourselves in the other person's shoes, maybe he wants to help you work more efficiently and share more convenient work methods.

Is this a pattern he's developed over time? Is he like this with you and the other people on the team too?

And is it possible that the manager has asked him to oversee your work and provide support?

It's worth trying to see the truth of more issues from more perspectives, so that you can have more choices.

There are always more than three ways to do things. If you want to change your position or job, you can always quit.

2. There are two ways to give your self-confidence and sense of worth a boost.

From what you've written, I get the sense that you're comparing yourself to others.

It's frustrating when the manager likes the younger guy and you can't work as fast as him. It's the comparison that really gets to you. When we compare ourselves to others, it can lead to feelings of envy or jealousy.

However, no matter what the outcome, there's always that underlying belief of "limitation," which translates to "I am not good enough." Comparing yourself to others can lead to frustration, low self-esteem, and ultimately, self-doubt and self-negation.

If you leave with a low sense of self-worth, even if you change jobs, you'll still be unable to control comparisons with others. There are fast ones with second hands and slow ones with hour hands. The world is diverse, and there will always be something about yourself that is inferior to others when compared to them.

Instead of comparing yourself to others, try comparing yourself to your past self. You'll see hope and gain strength. Affirmation and encouragement from others can help boost our self-confidence and sense of worth.

However, these are things we can't control. To some extent, we're letting others influence our lives.

Once we lose this external sense of worth, we'll feel despair and hopelessness again. Everyone's value comes from their own evaluation of themselves. Confidence is having faith in oneself and therefore also in the future.

Boost your self-confidence by doing the simplest thing: give yourself constant positive feedback. I work slowly but carefully; I get angry easily but don't hold a grudge.

Stay aware, take some time to understand your emotions and feelings, and see what important messages they're trying to convey to you.

They say "impulse is the devil," and it's easy to lose our cool. It's only when we're calm that our original wisdom kicks in. So, when you're emotional, don't make any decisions.

Take a moment to calm down, gather your thoughts, and then make a decision.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best.

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd be happy to chat with you one-on-one.

Good day, my name is Zeyu.

It is a common misconception that caring about self-esteem-or-is-it-a-lack-of-confidence-24984.html" target="_blank">verbal insults from peers is indicative of low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. In reality, it is an instinctive reaction that is shaped by early life experiences.

In the event of verbal abuse from another party, the typical human response is to either fight back or argue with them. It is not uncommon for a heated exchange to ensue. Some individuals, however, will first examine their own actions and then review the situation to gain a better understanding of the circumstances.

When faced with verbal abuse, criticism, and disdain from a younger man, the other party may be attempting to influence your compliance and acceptance of control. Verbal abuse is a means to an end, which is to gain your obedience or satisfy his desire for control. The other person's communication style may also reflect a lack of effective alternatives and a tendency to resort to rudeness in order to achieve the goal of cooperation. However, this approach is clearly ineffective.

From this experience, I can see your capacity for tolerance and your ability to communicate effectively. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and build on them. You mentioned that the manager is supportive of him. If that is the case, what is your plan of action going forward?

If you feel more comfortable in another location, please do not hesitate to relocate.

Is there anything wrong with caring about the abuse of peers? Caring is a normal phenomenon. It is a process of projection and identification. Projection means that he himself cannot do or explain a certain reality, and seeing that you can do it, he feels very uncomfortable inside. Therefore, he feels that you are a bad person and you are targeting him. To avoid his own discomfort, he chooses to vent this discomfort by attacking others.

The next step is to agree. If you believe that the statement applies to you, then you are agreeing with it. Conversely, if you do not believe that the statement applies to you, then you are immune to this kind of criticism. To be able to not care, you must understand the motivation behind this kind of attack. If the intention is to attack you, then you have two options: either accept the attack or fight back.

Naturally, the simplest solution is to simply focus on your own work. You can be confident that you are not the person he is referring to, so there is no need to take offence. You can simply ignore this kind of verbal attack. You can also use objective descriptions to explain the problem and express your opinions, tell the other person how you feel, and suggest what they could do to improve the situation.

I suggest you look into the communication model in Nonviolent Communication. If you are interested, you can find the book and take a look.

If you feel annoyed by him, avoid contact or request a change in his position from your leader. If you have to work together, you need to accept that he has a different approach to work.

It is recommended that within acceptable limits, you allow him to do what he wants. However, if he goes too far, you should address the issue with him directly. If necessary, you can also consult with your leader to coordinate. Work is just a means to earn a living, not the whole of life.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the methods outlined in the article will prove useful in resolving the issue to some extent.

Hello!

A pat on the shoulder: I understand the feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and anger that come from not getting positive feedback. These emotions show insight and disappointment about the situation.

Do I have low self-esteem because I care about what my peers say?

I was working in catering when I met a younger man who bullied me. He said I worked slowly and bossed me around. I knew what to do, but they kept pointing at me and telling me what to do. I got angry and threw down my tools. The man told me to leave and disappeared. He worked fast, and the manager liked him. I have self-doubt and I'm not as fast as he is. He has no culture or integrity. He doesn't respect people or women.

The questioner works in the catering industry. They feel their emotions are being overlooked. They feel disappointed and want to leave.

If this continues, you will feel bad, think you are not good enough, and not enjoy your work.

Is it my fault I'm in a difficult situation?

The answer is not simple. The party that creates conflicts also belongs to the "peer little boy" group. The questioner accepts conflicts. Sometimes, they take responsibility for the other party's negative emotions. However, the "peer little boy" lacks cooperation and respect for expression at work. He sets standards for cleanliness.

People with some management experience know that this is part of the hotel's institutional management and it's not up to the "peer boys" to decide. However, constant negation from others can make us feel inferior, which can break our self-confidence.

If your boss is promoted, you might feel like your own efforts aren't being recognized. It's good for leaders to appreciate people who are efficient, but everyone has different strengths. Leaders should make the best use of people's strengths, not standardize requirements. For example, men are usually the chefs in restaurants because they're stronger and have a better physique. Some large-scale movements and actions require men to take the lead, but this doesn't mean women are weaker. In major hotels, women's minds are also important because they're responsible and persistent. If you're jealous of others' success, you might try to gain the upper hand.

How do you manage your emotions and find balance?

1. Forget your worries and do your part.

If the army doesn't obey orders, it will lack morale and be ineffective. Only an army that is well-trained and follows orders will be able to fight bravely.

Each of our jobs is based on a certain "military management" approach to maximize the functions of each position. This management approach is also used throughout the hotel, but compared to other service industries, hotel management is more difficult. First, the entry threshold for employees is relatively low, and the recognition is not high, so it is difficult to standardize management. Second, the stress in the hotel is very high. When the door opens, it is the "battlefield." Everyone needs to focus on completing the work. Therefore, when conflicts arise, emotions can easily be agitated. This is a force majeure factor, and at the same time, the need for psychological construction needs to be increased.

So, employees who complain don't get much attention. Those who know how to use the law to their advantage do.

2. If someone is rude, say "no."

If someone is abusive, it's not always their fault. They might just have poor self-control or emotional regulation. To solve problems, you need to respect each other and then express your needs. If there's no response, try something else.

The "peer male student" in the question is rude and disrespectful. He doesn't respect boundaries. He's a person who expresses himself based on his own feelings. His rude remarks may startle the questioner at first, but once they find a pattern and see the other person's true nature, they won't need to continuously accept the other person's emotional outbursts. They can simply say "no" or turn away directly.

3. Find your own position and grow.

If a manager promotes someone who isn't right for the job, it's hard to convince others. Maybe the manager only saw the "younger colleague's" positives and lost sight of others' strengths.

Therefore, we must encourage ourselves and seize opportunities to show ourselves. Not everyone starts with high self-esteem. They develop it through life experiences and growth. When opportunities arise, they seize them.

No rush.

If you don't get recognition from your mentor, don't force it. Find a way out and withdraw gracefully.

Good luck! Keep up the good work!