Is it my fault that my nephew is staying here, or am I too stingy?

Extend a supportive gesture to the original poster, who is facing challenges. When financial stability is lacking and work-related stress is high, it can be particularly difficult to navigate complex relationships with relatives.

It may appear that you are being overly focused on the trivial matters that have occurred, but they are not significant in the larger scheme of things. There are two key areas to consider: your own private life and your role as a caregiver for your nephew. While fulfilling your nephew's daily needs, you lack the understanding and support of your sister and brother-in-law. Additionally, you have to dedicate time to your nephew, who is just entering society. It is understandable that this can be challenging.

It is important to note that it is normal to experience feelings of anger and frustration in this situation. These emotions do not indicate any personal shortcomings or deficiencies.

The introduction of an external party (beyond the couple and children) into the established family dynamic can disrupt the established rhythm of life and the sharing of living space. It is not uncommon for individuals to experience a range of emotions and thoughts in such circumstances. There is no need to feel guilty about these reactions.

In our country, which is a society based on interpersonal relationships, allowing your nephew to live in your home entails a series of challenges that are often overlooked. The situation has caused you significant distress.

However, the issue of interpersonal relations must be resolved through mutual understanding and cooperation. I recommend the following course of action:

If possible, discuss the issues with your partner. It is beneficial to communicate with your partner about the challenges you are facing. You are both in a similar situation, and open communication will facilitate mutual understanding.

It is important to communicate with your nephew in an adult manner. He is 23 years old and therefore an adult, and it is therefore his responsibility to take control of his life. You can inform him of your current financial situation and express your hope that he can find a job and make a plan. You can also estimate how long it will take to find a job and what his plan is if he doesn't find a job within that time. It is important to remember that he cannot live there indefinitely, so listen to his plan and then express your suggestions.

This approach allows both parties to gain clarity on the projected end date of this situation. With regard to household chores, you may also wish to communicate a principle to your nephew, namely that he should clean the space he occupies and do what he can.

Be courageous and authentic. If cooking is not your preference, that is acceptable. It is also fine to decline cooking for one or two meals. Simply inform your nephew that you are occupied today and do not intend to cook. If cleaning is not your priority, you can let your nephew know that you are tired today and unable to clean. Dear questioner, there is no limit to the number of household chores, so it is essential to allow yourself occasional flexibility.

Prioritize the resolution of the work-related issue and anticipate an improvement in the situation.

Finally, I would like to suggest that we are often overly concerned with external evaluations and perceptions, and that we are unduly worried about the potential consequences of expressing our dissatisfaction. In fact, there is no need for concern. The moment you express your concerns sincerely, the problem will already begin to be resolved.

It is important to avoid responding to criticism with indifference, silence, or resentment, as these responses can be damaging to both the individual and the relationship. I hope you can regain a positive outlook soon.

Hello, host! You ask if there's something wrong with you, if you're narrow-minded and petty.

Oh, it's not you at all! It's just that your sister's family is having a bit of a rough time at the moment.

It's been two months since your nephew has been living with you. He's not the most motivated when it comes to finding a job, and he doesn't help out with the housework. It seems like he's also got a bit of a gaming addiction. What do you think is going on here?

It's so sad to see how he treats your home as his own, and you as his parents, indulging his every wish and demand. It's so important to remember that he has lost perspective, and that this is a misplaced understanding.

It seems like your sister always lets you take care of her son, and your brother-in-law even blames you for taking sides. I'm not sure what's going on here. Are they giving up their right to educate their son to you?

Or maybe you'd like to take custody of a 23-year-old adult man? It's been more than two months, and even if it's just for a little while, it might be a bit much.

We're not sure how your relationship with your sister is, and we don't know the structure and division of roles in your original family. What we do know is that your sister's family could do with a bit more boundaries and responsibility. We can't imagine anyone wouldn't be upset and angry when they encounter such things!

Our parents' union formed a family, just like planting a little sapling. The sapling slowly grows into a big tree, blossoms, and bears fruit, and that fruit is us. When we grow up, it's like the fruit ripening, and we each leave the tree and fall into the soil, finding the other half to form another new little family and another new little tree, and so it goes on and on.

Hey there! I just wanted to ask, are we family?

Absolutely! We come from the same place.

Oh, what a tricky situation! It's like the saying, "What's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours."

Oh, we've grown into different trees, haven't we? You bloom your flowers and I bear my fruit. We each have our own responsibilities as trees. We can help and watch out for each other, but we're not Siamese twins.

You know, there's a similar folk saying: "Don't help the poor in an emergency."

I can see you were feeling pretty upset about it all. I've been there! After thinking about it for a while, I decided to have a chat with the other person. I told him about how I was feeling, what I needed from him, and also shared a bit about my own situation. I'm happy to say that things have been resolved amicably and we're moving forward.

I think you should give it a try!

Hello.

From your description, I can tell you're annoyed and doubt whether you're being too narrow-minded. You're not.

When you are a guest in someone else's home, eating and drinking at their house, living there as you please, doing whatever you want, it is their problem, not yours. The other person is a 23-year-old adult, even if she is your sister-in-law, and they should have their own boundaries and respect for the other person.

Your nephew doesn't think about it as much, and neither does your sister and brother-in-law. They believe family members can get along without boundaries. However, you are only his aunt, and you are not his parents. It is only right that some of his behavior is restricted. It is not your fault that he doesn't understand.

Have a good chat with your nephew and establish some boundaries. For example, agree on a bedtime that doesn't interfere with your routine.

Agree on a space that needs to be tidied up together, or that he needs to tidy up his own room. Eat on time, etc.

You must also accept that having your nephew live with you has affected your life and caused emotions due to your discomfort with the situation. For example, you can skip cooking and just grab something to eat today, but your nephew is there, and you have to cook. You will often take on some responsibilities yourself, so this is also the reason for your emotions.

You and your nephew will both need time to adjust.

You also have to deal with the fact that you have a lot of time together now that you're both unemployed. This can lead to annoyance. If you can find something to do to distract yourself, you'll be better off.

Both people looking for work have internal anxieties, and the other person also feels inconvenienced. They have to make do, so they should have an honest chat.

I am confident you will find this information useful. Best regards!

Good day. I extend my utmost support and understanding in this challenging situation.

After reading your question, I put myself in your shoes. If this were my son, I would probably take a more assertive approach in the morning, not just because I was angry. The reason is simple: a child's growth needs parental guidance. Letting a child go free is irresponsible not only towards the child, but also towards yourself.

I believe you are a responsible uncle or aunt, willing to assume caretaking responsibilities for your nephew and concerned about his future. However, your nephew and your sister and brother-in-law do not appear to share this perspective.

It is possible that your sister and brother-in-law are also unable to control him, which may be why your sister requested your assistance. It is reasonable to conclude that it is not realistic to expect relatives to control a child if you are unable to do so yourself.

I believe that if you supervise your nephew too much, he may say, "You're not my mother, so why are you supervising me?" And your brother-in-law obviously lacks the ability to distinguish right from wrong.

It is likely that he is unaware of your usual rapport with his son and is privy to a great deal of information about his daily life. Given that your nephew ceased working last June and relocated to you in March of this year, it is probable that the preceding eight or nine months were spent in the same environment.

However, to your sister and brother-in-law, he is their son.

Your response is understandable. As parents, it is challenging to interact with an adult in this manner.

As relatives, residing in your own home is particularly challenging because you are unable to express your concerns. Your sister and brother-in-law have transferred their frustration to you, and they can even leverage their family ties to request your assistance with tasks that they are unable to complete themselves.

At this juncture, it may be challenging to decline the request. Consider this: if this were a stranger, you would undoubtedly be able to promptly ask the individual to leave your residence.

It would be unwise to assume such a significant responsibility. However, this is your sister's son, your nephew, and it seems unfeeling to allow the other party to go unpunished.

However, continuing in this manner will result in a depletion of your emotional and mental resources, as well as your patience. Furthermore, it is likely that the eventual outcome will be a deterioration in your relationship with your sister, which will be caused, at least in part, by your nephew.

Therefore, it is likely that your relationship with your sister will eventually result in conflict and even hatred. This is because there will come a day when you will be unable to tolerate the situation any longer.

Therefore, the sooner you decline, the sooner you will be free of this obligation.

If you choose to confront her directly, inform your sister that you are no longer in a position to control your nephew and that the authorities should be contacted to take the child into care.

It is unlikely that your relationship with your sister will ever be the same again. It may take many years for reconciliation to occur.

Family ties can serve as a source of warmth or a burden. Some relatives are supportive, while others are not.

It is understandable that this may require courage, particularly if the parents are involved.

The involvement of the parents also depends on their position. If they are fair and rational, they can be involved.

In the event that the parents are biased, it is still necessary to protect your own interests.

At times, it is necessary to be somewhat uncompromising in order to avoid unnecessary distress. It is also possible to relinquish expectations of warmth from loved ones.

Do not be overly critical of yourself. It does require courage to terminate a relationship.

I am unaware of the specifics of your situation, and this is merely a conjecture. It is for informational purposes only, so please do not take it personally.

I am frequently both Buddhist and depressed, and occasionally positive and motivated. I extend my utmost respect to the world and express my gratitude for all that it has given me.