Is it possible to solve the problem of always doubting oneself, over-introspection, and dwelling on the past?

Hello, question asker!

You're such a thoughtful person, and I admire that so much!

You say, "No matter whether the main responsibility lies with you or not, you always say sorry first." This is a great quality to have! It makes you seem polite and responsible, and it shows that you're not shirking responsibility. However, it's also important to consider your current state of mind. Sometimes, we tend to attribute things to ourselves, so it's good to keep that in mind.

I'm so sorry you feel like a failure in life and unable to build up self-confidence. I truly believe it has to do with the incomplete emotional experience you had during your formative years.

Let's say, for instance, that you're walking along and an older person bumps into you. Instead of apologizing, they insult you. You say, "I'm sorry!" as you normally would.

"But your apology didn't solve the problem, and it invited more of the same."

You should be angry, but you don't express your emotions. What emotion should you be feeling right now? I'd love to know!

Take a deep breath and think about how you're feeling. It's okay to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty. We all have feelings like this sometimes. But you can work through them. Just take the time to sort out your emotional response and go through the full emotional response process. This complete emotional experience is the key to unlocking the other issue you mentioned.

"That is, whether you're resting or studying, your mind might sometimes bring up past experiences and make you feel embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty."

I know it can be frustrating when this happens. It's because you were suddenly pulled out of the middle of a complete emotional response to something you experienced in the past.

This kind of unprocessed emotion will enter the subconscious state. If the current event is linked to something that was not dealt with in the past, the current event is the anchor, and your mind will occasionally associate the past with the current event. It's totally normal!

This is why this situation has come about.

We've found the cause, and we're so happy to help! The first step is to find and stimulate your underlying emotions. Allow them to exist, consider them reasonable, and feel them.

Let's say you feel a little embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty when you think about the past.

The first step is to give yourself permission to feel those feelings. It's okay to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty. The second step is to allow yourself to experience the physical sensations that come with these emotions. You might notice a dry throat, a racing heartbeat, trembling limbs, or red eyes.

We'll help you experience the emotional response process and find the underlying emotions you're lacking. This will help us alleviate the problems you're facing.

I am your bright lamp, your world, and I love you.

Hello, host. I'm July.

From reading your description, I believe I understand the question you're asking. If I may, I'd also like to offer you a hug in the four-dimensional space.

From the problems mentioned in your description, it seems that most of them are related to your level of confidence. You also mentioned this in your description, which is an important insight. Therefore, in this regard, it can also be seen that you have a good understanding of yourself, so the problem may be relatively easier to solve. It might be helpful to take your time and not put too much pressure on yourself, as putting too much pressure on yourself could potentially lead to a challenging situation.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the idea of self-introduction. From this perspective, it seems that you feel you have many shortcomings and cannot name a single strength. It's possible that your tendency to focus on your shortcomings is related to your tendency to overlook your strengths.

This can lead to a lack of confidence, as you may feel that you are not as good as you could be and that others may not like you. This misunderstanding can cause difficulties for a long time.

From another perspective, you also have many strengths. It's just that you focus too much on your shortcomings, which may be preventing you from fully capitalizing on opportunities to boost your confidence.

In light of these considerations, I have also compiled a few suggestions that I hope will prove helpful in addressing the current situation.

Perhaps it would be helpful to believe that you also have many bright spots, not just shortcomings. It's just that you currently ignore too much the good things you do, which might be why you lack self-confidence.

(2) You might consider changing your attribution model and not attributing many problems to yourself, as sometimes the problem may not be entirely your fault. It could be helpful to try changing your attribution, shifting from internal attribution to external attribution, which involves looking at things from other perspectives.

(3) It might be helpful to try to let go of the past and not be overly affected by it, because being overly affected by it might make the present you feel worse. Therefore, it might be beneficial to slowly accept some of the less good things that happened in the past, so as to slowly reduce the impact of such things on yourself.

(4) It may be helpful to consider that the past still affects you because you attach too much importance to it deep down inside. It's possible that this importance is negative, and that coupled with the fact that you have not appropriately let go of this important matter, these things may come back to haunt you at times, making you feel very bad.

(5) It would be beneficial to love yourself more, be more forgiving, and not blame yourself too much. If you don't love yourself, it can be challenging to receive love from others. So, it might be helpful to focus on loving yourself more.

I would like to extend my love and support to you.

Please take care.

I can see that your entire text is full of self-doubt. It seems as if you are carrying a heavy burden inside, and it must be really hard to move forward like this. Let me give you a hug! I'm here to help!

I'm so excited to help you get out of this heavy state sooner! Let's do this!

I really want to help you get out of this heavy state sooner. Let's try the following three approaches!

1. Find the reason!

Current situation: You feel like a failure and seem to have a low self-esteem. You say that no matter what the problem is, you feel that the fault lies with you, and it seems that you are used to blaming yourself.

Current situation: You feel like a failure and seem to have a low self-esteem. You say that no matter what the problem is, you feel that the fault lies with you, and it seems that you are used to blaming yourself. But guess what? You can change all of that!

In the past, I suspect that as you were growing up, it seemed that someone important to you was constantly criticizing, rejecting, and blaming you. But guess what? You can change that!

It seems that all he or she has ever seen is your inadequacies, and they have never given you any affirmation. But now is the time for a change! Perhaps even now you long for his acceptance?

Influence – these scars are so deeply etched in your heart that even if you have achieved success and even if someone affirms your merits, you cannot see or hear it. But you can change that! You can believe it because you can choose to replace those negative comments about yourself with positive ones. You deserve better things!

2. Find a way out!

Acceptance – Many people have childhood traumas, which have a profound impact on them. But here's the good news: it is not your fault! If you can see this trauma, then you can accept yourself as you are and give the inner child warmth and acceptance, so that he can come out of his orphaned helplessness.

Acceptance is key! Many people have childhood traumas that can have a profound impact on us. But here's the good news: it's not your fault. If you can see this trauma, then you can accept yourself as you are and give the inner child warmth and acceptance so that he can come out of his orphaned helplessness.

Affirmation – You can't name a single advantage of yourself. No, I can't. But that's okay! I can tell from your answers that you are never proud and have always been very modest. Isn't that an advantage? Absolutely!

Here's an awesome tip: Try to find at least five good things about yourself, or have a friend or family member do the same. For each good thing, give an example and write it down. Read it every day. Then try to find the sixth, seventh, and eighth... Make it a habit to affirm yourself!

You know what you need to do! Ask for help! You say you often get caught up in associations, which make you feel embarrassed and ashamed and have an impact on your daily life. In this case, you should first seek professional psychological help and, after receiving a diagnosis, try long-term psychological counseling.

Absolutely! Professional help can help you better and faster.

Absolutely! If you are feeling very depressed, you can also call a listening hotline or find a friend you can rely on to talk to, to help you feel better.

I'm Teng Ying, a listening therapist at Yixinli, and I'm thrilled to share these tips with you!

Hello!

From what you've said, it's clear to me that you're experiencing internal conflict. It seems as though you're hearing two different voices in your head.

A says you're terrible, that you can't do anything right, that you were always like this and still are, that you've never improved at all!

B confidently states, "You're really enough. I'm not that bad. Even if I haven't done a good job, you don't have to be so harsh."

♥️Each of us has only a limited amount of energy. If we spend all of it on internal drama, there won't be much left for practical action.

A is currently in the ascendant. Give B more opportunities to express herself and listen to what she has to say!

♥️If little A's voice starts ringing again, tell yourself in your heart, "Hello! You're here!"

Be aware that it's there, but don't try to get rid of it. Simply ignore it and get on with what you were doing.

If you're interested, you can also try to feel it. This voice that always criticizes you sounds like an important caregiver in your life.

I advise you to try mindfulness meditation or seek professional psychological counseling.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful!

I am the hotline listener, Cai Li.

The world and I love you.

Hello!

Host:

I read the post carefully and it seems like the poster over-reflects on herself and always sees her own shortcomings, which makes her feel sad. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster has bravely faced her own heart and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help the poster to better understand and know herself, so as to adjust herself and encounter a better self.

Next, I'll share my observations and thoughts in the post, which might help you see things from a different point of view.

1. Let's look at why we're more likely to be self-critical.

In the post, the host said that he always puts himself down and over-reflects. It's also easier for him to see his own weaknesses than his own strengths.

This way of thinking has caused you a lot of trouble, right? So now let's explore together why we always self-negate and over-reflect.

What kind of benefits can self-denial and excessive introspection bring us? From a psychological standpoint, we must have gained something from doing something, so let's consider what self-denial has brought us.

I'd like to ask the original poster if they have such a belief.

Do you believe in critical education and think that criticism helps people improve? Do you often hold yourself back because you think you can still do better and there's room for improvement?

I'd also like the original poster to think about their surroundings and see where else they hear this negative voice. What images come to mind when they see this question?

When did this self-negation start? These questions can help us understand ourselves better.

Often, our self-negation may be related to how we were brought up in our early years. So, you can look back at your own upbringing and experiences. For example, some people live in an environment where they will always be rejected no matter what they do.

If something goes wrong, we always think it's our fault. When we're kids, we don't know the difference between right and wrong, and we take the feedback we get from our caregivers at face value.

Of course, we'll see this kind of feedback as meaning that we're not good enough, it's all our fault, it's all because of us, we can do better, and so on.

So, this part requires the host to explore and think about it. Since it's answering questions, there are some limitations.

2. Learn to stop self-negation.

There's a saying in psychology that when you see your own problem, it's half solved. So for the original poster, after you've become aware of your self-negation and explored why you are the way you are today, you'll have a better understanding of yourself.

There's a saying in psychology: when you see your own problem, it's half solved. So for the original poster, after you've become aware of your self-negation and explored why you are the way you are today, you'll have a better understanding of yourself. And after that, it'll be easier for us to change and adjust.

For the original poster, you might want to try not attacking yourself. It's easier said than done, but it's worth a try.

Since we've been using self-attack for so long, if you want to make changes, give yourself time and space. When you notice self-attack

Try to stop self-attacking. You can try to refocus your attention on reality, on the present moment. For example, when you are self-attacking, you can sing or use breathing to interrupt it.

It might be tough at first, and it'll probably take some practice to stop attacking ourselves every time, but just stopping one out of ten attacks is a start.

3. Acceptance

When we look at self-attack, we're really looking at the root of it. Another way to think about it is that self-attack is our failure to accept the true self.

We all have an "ideal self" in our minds. This ideal self thinks about how we should be and what we should achieve. And when our "real self" doesn't live up to the ideal self, the ideal self will dislike the real self.

So, for the poster, it seems like there's a voice inside you that makes you think you can't fail.

It means always thinking that you can do better. From a psychological point of view, we want to change, and acceptance is the first step towards change. Only when we accept that we are not good enough can we become better.

Because, when we always deny ourselves, it causes a lot of internal friction. It also means our attention is selective. When we always think that we are not good enough, we pay attention to the information that we are not good enough to prove that we are not good enough. So, what does it mean to accept?

It means accepting who we really are, our strengths and weaknesses, and focusing on the parts that we can adjust. In this way, we can encounter a better version of ourselves. Of course, it's not easy to fully accept ourselves, but there are ways to do it. For you, the original poster, it can be done gradually through learning and improvement.

I hope these ideas have been helpful and inspiring for you. If you'd like to chat further, you can click on Find a Coach to enter the one-on-one chat service, where you can communicate, explore, and grow together.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope my answer proves useful to you. Kind regards,

I was in that state for a while. During that time, my sense of confidence-when-they-dare-not-face-it-11280.html" target="_blank">self-worth was very low, which resulted in an overall low emotional level. As you mentioned, I consistently felt like I was failing in life and lacked self-confidence. At that time, I also perceived it as challenging to become confident and break this pattern. However, I have since made significant progress. I no longer dwell on my shortcomings and am able to recognize my strengths. I have also learned to accept the past with a positive outlook.

I am confident that with some adjustments, you can break this pattern and achieve a more positive outlook.

I advise you to:

It is important to accept and understand yourself, as well as identify the reasons behind your tendency to self-denial.

It is possible that our upbringing may be a contributing factor. It may be helpful to identify whether the internal dialogue that is critical and assigns blame is similar to or identical with messages that were conveyed to you during your childhood.

As children, we were passive and unconsciously accepted others' opinions of us. Over time, these opinions became internalized and manifested as voices within us. However, as adults, these voices may not be beneficial and can impede our ability to live a better life. They are difficult to eliminate because they are deeply rooted in our subconscious and tend to emerge automatically. To change these thoughts, we must first recognize them and then, through consistent adjustment and practice, transform them into the positive voices we desire.

It is important to understand that these voices are not your fault. It is essential to develop a deeper understanding of yourself and accept your current state. It is also crucial to stop denying and attacking yourself. Furthermore, it is important to recognize that these thoughts can be changed.

2. Utilize methods to identify your own strengths, enhance your sense of self-worth, and recognize your self-worth.

One method for identifying your strengths is to record them on a daily basis. This can be done by writing down one of your strengths each day, affirming your value, and then noting your strengths. This process will help you recognize your advantages.

Focusing on your strengths will foster greater confidence than attempting to correct your weaknesses. Commit to this process for 100 days and you will witness remarkable results.

Additionally, you can verbally affirm yourself by repeating the following statements to yourself in the mirror on a daily basis: "I believe in myself," "I like myself," "I am responsible," and "I am capable."

When you receive positive feedback from others, accept it graciously and with an open mind. Do not take it for granted, but recognize it as a reflection of your value.

3. It is essential to create successful experiences in real life to gradually enhance inner strength.

To create a successful experience in the real world, it is essential to set achievable goals and avoid setting unattainable ones. To set reasonable goals, three key conditions must be met: 1. The goal must be clearly defined, such as the number of pages in a book to read daily, the number of times to jump rope, or the number of steps to walk. 2. The goal must align with one's abilities. 3. Timely feedback must be monitored.

For instance, if your current daily step count is 5,000, your goal should be to increase this by a specific number of steps. This should be challenging but achievable, with regular feedback to track your progress. One approach is to set a goal of increasing your daily step count by 500, to 5,500. This aligns with your current ability, is specific, and provides tangible recognition when you achieve it. After a week of consistent progress, you can reward yourself with a small treat, such as buying something you enjoy. This provides immediate feedback and reinforces the value of continued effort.

This approach allows you to consistently create successful experiences in learning, work, sports, and more. By achieving small goals, you can also accumulate a great deal of experience, which will naturally lead to increased self-confidence. You will enter a state of self-assurance, recognizing your abilities and potential for growth.

Indeed, the process of continuous growth and improvement will foster strength and confidence.

Please refer to the above for further information. Best regards,

From what you've shared, it seems like your constant self-reflection and self-doubt and dissatisfaction might be a sign that you could use a little more self-confidence. I think you'd really benefit from finding a direction that suits you through self-acceptance, so you can gain that self-confidence.

1. Give yourself some space, my friend.

Many folks with obsessive-compulsive disorder want to achieve a goal or confirm something by repeatedly checking it over and over again. If they don't force themselves to think about it over and over again, they feel uneasy.

It's so important to remember that the more anxious you feel, the more obsessive your thoughts can become.

This is a tough one. It all comes down to that sense of urgency we feel when we can't achieve or confirm something.

So, don't be too hard on yourself. Just adjust your mentality and relax your demands on yourself.

Let's say you're stuck on a math problem and can't seem to find a good solution. It's totally normal to keep thinking about it until the end of the day! This is a common obsessive thought that can really push you to achieve a certain goal.

To adjust properly, this kind of thinking must relax its demands on oneself. Just tell yourself that it's okay not to come up with a result right now.

You can put the problem aside for now and go do something else. You can always come back to it later when you have time.

Or you don't have to worry about it at all! It's totally fine to let it go. It's not going to make much difference to your life either way.

So, why not give yourself some breathing room and not put so much pressure on yourself? Let a relaxed atmosphere ease the tension. You've got this!

And at least it won't make your obsessive thinking worse!

Secondly, try not to worry too much about being perfect.

People with obsessive-compulsive thinking are generally very hard on themselves and even strive for perfection. This can make you feel pretty bad about things you haven't done well. It's only natural to want to rewind time and make up for your inner regrets by ruminating.

I know it can be tough, but try not to be too hard on yourself. It can be hard to let go sometimes, but you've got this!

We live in a complex world, and it can be so easy to feel overwhelmed. It might help to remember that all roads lead to Rome!

If you're too picky about every little detail, it can really take a toll on you physically and mentally. It can add a lot of pressure and stress, which can make your obsessive thinking worse.

So, relax your standards and don't worry about being perfect in every little detail. Remember the Chinese proverb: "It is hard to be confused."

As long as the overall result is good, don't stress about the little details. We all have limited energy, so it's best to focus on the important stuff!

3. Try to be more patient with yourself!

We all know that obsessive thinking can lead to some pretty intense feelings, like emotional unrest and impatience. It's like this vicious cycle where you try to solve a problem, but it just keeps on eluding you. And then, you start thinking about it over and over again, which can leave you feeling pretty drained.

This can also make you feel impatient to find the cause and a solution right away.

It's important to remember that this way of thinking might not help us solve the problem at all. It can even trap us in a vicious cycle of thinking! The good news is that there's a simple way to deal with it. All we have to do is remain calm and try our best to solve the problem we're facing. If we can't solve it, we can also learn to give up or put it aside for the time being.

Take it easy! Let yourself relax and enjoy a more peaceful state of mind. Don't push yourself too hard, as this can make negative emotions worse.

4. Formation and cultivation of the thinking system

We can all improve the way we think about problems by forming and cultivating our thinking system. There are lots of great books out there on time management, planning, and thinking cultivation.

It's so important to give yourself the space to learn how to respond and think about problems in a way that works for you. This way of thinking can be really helpful for sorting out your thoughts and drawing on your experience of dealing with things each time.

Cultivate the logic of your thinking, and you'll be amazed at how quickly you'll be able to respond to similar problems with solutions. 5. Learn to accept yourself.

It's so important to learn to accept your own imperfections and forgive yourself for the things you've done that aren't quite up to par. And try not to let some psychological triggers make you dwell on things unnecessarily.

We all have our own unique set of experiences and challenges. It's natural to feel a range of emotions when we're facing difficulties. Sometimes, these emotions can lead us to ruminate on problems. This can happen when we're triggered by certain thoughts or situations. Here are some common psychological triggers that might cause us to ruminate:

Social anxiety

It's totally normal to feel like you're not performing well enough and to worry about being ridiculed by others. It's only natural to feel like you're not as smart as others sometimes.

So, you feel panic.

It's okay to accept that you're not as good as others. At the same time, remember that in this big, wide world, you're neither the worst nor the best.

It's so important to learn to accept yourself, my friend.

When you meet someone who's better than you at something, it's a great idea to learn from them! You can pick up some useful tips on how to get along with others, which will help you to improve. It's important not to let your emotions get the better of you.

It's also totally normal to worry about being ridiculed by others.

2. You want to have an excellent thinking system!

It's totally normal to want to think quickly, accurately, and thoroughly. We all envy people with such abilities and want to know how they do it. This just shows that you're dissatisfied with your current situation and want to improve.

It's great that you're proactive! Just remember, building a solid thinking system takes time. It's not something you can rush.

This is all connected to your upbringing, social circle, and the events you've experienced. If you want to make some quick improvements, I've got a little tip that might not make you look like a total newbie overnight, but it'll really help you feel more confident.

This method is a great way to improve yourself! All you have to do is analyze the verbal behavior of others and see how it affects you.

For example, when you feel that someone has handled something very thoughtfully, think about what they said that made you feel good. And figure out what the key point of that sentence was.

I'd love to hear some other examples of how you can use this kind of language! And in addition to the words he used in his interactions, what other meaningful actions did he take to help things run smoothly?

This analysis is a great way to learn from others and pick up some handy tips for your own social skills. When you come across similar issues, you can easily draw on these techniques to help you out.

This is a great way to learn from others and make your own experiences your own. It's also a wonderful way to improve your social skills!

Finally, I really hope you don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's so important to learn to put things aside for the time being.

Give yourself some breathing room, sweetie. Don't let those obsessive thoughts push you too hard. It'll only have a negative effect on you.

You know what you could do? You could try meditation. Let yourself slowly calm down.

When you're feeling calm and relaxed, you'll see that everything is going well!

Good morning, my name is Heidi.

I am in a position to observe your difficulties, empathize with your confusion, and offer guidance on how to resolve them.

Regarding strengths, weaknesses, and self-reflection:

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Use your strengths to foster positive relationships with others and leverage your weaknesses to drive personal growth. Individuals who excel at summarizing and reflection utilize their weaknesses as a roadmap for continuous self-understanding, recognition, and improvement. You possess these qualities and can leverage them to your advantage with conscious effort.

First, please take a moment to complete the following exercise. On a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle. On the left side, list your strengths, and on the right side, list your weaknesses. Once you have completed this task, please schedule a meeting with a trusted colleague or supervisor. You may find the results of this exercise surprising.

Additionally, it is recommended that you take a moment to reflect on two areas of improvement in your daily life: one in the morning and one in the afternoon. When you have further thoughts about self-reflection, remind yourself that you have already accepted yourself as you are and that this is sufficient for now. Self-suggestion and reminders have been shown to be effective, so we encourage you to give this approach a try.

Regarding the impact of past experiences on current emotions:

It is important to recognize that the past is in the past and that focusing on the present is of primary importance. Additionally, it is essential to understand that thoughts are not facts and to maintain a distance between them and reality.

Furthermore, it demonstrates that you have been making progress, and only if you continue to improve can you recognize areas for improvement in your past self.

There is a story called "Tang Monk Sweeps the Pagoda." As Tang Monk swept more and more steps, he climbed higher and higher in the golden pagoda. Upon looking back, he noticed that the previously swept steps were dirty. This is an example of "looking back and seeing dirt."

From a higher vantage point with a broader perspective, you can more clearly identify past shortcomings when you reflect on the past. Only when your perception and realm have been elevated can you recognize the problems of the past and see the "dirt," that is, the bad things.

If your mindset remains static, it will be challenging to identify shortcomings and issues from the past, even with reflection. A history of success and enthusiasm may indicate a regression in current performance.

May your heart

Furthermore, you will find comfort.

Please clarify.

Hello! From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling pretty frustrated. It seems like no matter what you do, those past problems are always there with you, and they don't seem to get any easier with time. I know it can be tough to let go of things that have been on your mind for a long time.

I get the feeling you think that people need to reflect in order to improve themselves.

But as you realize, you currently seem to be overdoing it a bit, and are engaging in excessive introspection, or, to put it another way, rumination (the excessive and repeated re-experiencing of negative past experiences and feelings).

When we ruminate, we tend to focus on the pain itself, the things that make it worse, and the things that result from it. We don't always think about how to solve the pain. This can make us dwell on past mistakes, which can make it hard for us to focus on the present and future.

So, how can we turn rumination into reflection?

I know it can be tough, but try changing "why" to "what." "Why" can make us dwell on the past and feel stuck, while "what" helps us focus on what's going on in the moment and what we can do about it.

Let's say you feel bad after work. Asking yourself "why do I feel bad?" or "I'm just a negative person" won't help. But asking yourself "what am I feeling, what am I thinking, what can I do?" will help you realize that you are hungry and tired. With this information about your current state and needs, you can decide on practical ways to cope, such as cooking yourself dinner and going to bed early.

Second, it might help to look at your own problems from a few different angles.

1) We live in a system, and many problems have multiple causes. We are responsible, but we're not 100% responsible.

2) Looking at problems from a growth perspective helps us see where we can make things better, rather than feeling bad about ourselves. You're so brave for taking responsibility, and you should be proud of that! There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Taking responsibility is a great way to see what you can improve, so you can make it even better next time!

3) Every characteristic has two sides, good and bad. You know, maybe if you look at the other side of your "problem," you'll find something you can use.

I also have a little exercise for you to try out. Next time you find yourself ruminating, try to think about what my current mood is, what I can do, and what else I can improve. I really hope you can gain something from it!

Hello,

From what you've said, it seems like you lack self-confidence and have low self-esteem. You can't see your own merits, only your shortcomings. When something goes wrong, you think it's your fault.

Now, these issues are starting to affect your life. No matter what you're doing, there's always something on your mind, and you're feeling embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty. It's really taking a toll on your normal life. I can tell these things are causing you a lot of pain, and you're unsure of how to move forward. You're genuinely looking for a way to resolve these challenges.

How long have you been dealing with this? Have you talked to your family or friends about how you're feeling?

Could you tell me your age and family situation?

When problems come up in your life, you say "I'm sorry." What are your inner feelings when you say that? You say you have no merits. What is the biggest flaw you see in yourself?

Were your parents very strict? Did you always look to them for approval?

If you've been dealing with this for more than six months, I'd recommend reaching out to a local psychologist or a psychiatric department at a nearby hospital. I hope this helps.

Hello, question asker! From your question, Lin'er has put together the following points:

1. The questioner is too focused on their own shortcomings and lacks self-confidence.

2. The questioner tends to overthink things and tends to apologize when they're in a conflict with someone else.

3. The questioner has a hard time living in the present because they're stuck on past experiences that didn't go well.

4. How has the questioner's daily life been affected?

So Lin'er will take care of the above questions and hope that they'll be helpful to the questioner.

First, it's about focusing on the right things. The questioner's thinking skills are a bit biased and one-dimensional. They focus on their own shortcomings and not on their own advantages. This is a long process to adjust because thinking styles are related to genes and even genetics. I suggest that the poster read some books on thinking training, adjustment, and learning. They should choose the right ones for themselves. I won't recommend them one by one here.

Why do you apologize so much? It's simple: because the questioner has roughly experienced the event of reducing conflicts and disputes through "active apology" during their growth process, and it has become a habitual response that runs deep in their bones.

I have to ask you, are your parents very strong, always imposing their will on you? It seems like you've placed yourself in a relatively weak position, and your habitual weakness has made people look down on you and push their demands further.

You've identified the problem, which is great. But there's still a long way to go before you can call yourself a strong person. My advice is to try to be on a level playing field with the other person in your interactions and to learn to respect yourself first.

Is it a problem to always think about the past when you're in the present? I suggest taking the depression test on the "1mind" platform to see if you're dealing with depression. If it is mild depression, you can adjust your sleep and exercise appropriately.

To get a good night's sleep, it's helpful to have a bit of a routine. Have a glass of milk before bed, play some relaxing music, and turn off the lights. As long as you sleep well, the problems will be minor and will ease up.

Also, excessive introspection and overthinking may be related to the body. How are your spleen and stomach doing? Do you feel unwell normally?

Do you feel dizzy? Taking care of your body is also a great way to help your mental health. If you need to, you can use traditional Chinese medicine to adjust your imbalanced constitution and improve your sleep.

Lin'er's views on your questions are as follows. They're not comprehensive, but they're honest. I hope you'll take care of yourself and see the happy side.

Hello, questioner.

I'm Kelly.

After reading your question, you know you haven't failed in life. You just need to build your self-confidence, and you've been feeling this way for more than a day or two.

I tried to find out why.

I need to stop denying myself, over-reflecting, and lack of confidence.

I think about myself, and I always deny myself because I am not confident. Not being confident leads to self-denial. They are interrelated. The reason for not being confident is... Let's talk about me. I was suppressed and belittled from a young age, and I agreed with my parents who suppressed me, firmly believing what they said. Until I grew up, my emotions were still stuck in the past, and I never forgot. So for a while, I was depressed, always reflecting on myself, wondering if I wasn't good enough. So my parents scolded and beat me?

Don't belittle me.

Tell me how you find confidence.

My upbringing made me feel inferior, but everyone has the instinct to survive. I will do my best to succeed. When I was a student, I loved reading, but I wasn't good at science. Many classmates liked to chat with me and listen to me tell stories from the books. My Chinese teacher encouraged me, and I gained confidence and satisfaction from the way my classmates admired me, as well as a sense of superiority.

After I started working, I discovered that I liked cooking and often invited friends over for a meal. I was often praised by my friends, which gave me confidence.

You also like to help friends solve problems and difficulties. Friends often say that being resourceful gives you confidence.

Everyone can do this. The questioner should explore themselves from the bottom of their heart, find out what they like, and gain confidence from the things they can do.

✅ [No merits, likes to apologize]

Dear questioner, You have good points, but you don't see them. You can see yourself from other people's perspectives, and so can I. Other people's opinions are also good. You like to apologize, and you take responsibility for your mistakes.

This is a virtue, plain and simple.

If apologizing doesn't hurt anyone and gains good relationships, it's worthwhile. Just like the pleasing personality type, there is no good or bad, as long as it doesn't violate the bottom line of morality. Apologizing is just two words, the same as "hello, goodbye," and there is no need to dwell on it.

♥️ [shame, humiliation, embarrassment]

Dear questioner, This is undoubtedly due to our culture. We are taught from an early age to be good children and adults, and it is embarrassing to fail to do so. That is why the most common saying in China, and also the education that parents give their children, is:

Failure is embarrassing.

It's embarrassing to have a bad job.

It's not shameful if your husband isn't a good catch.

Let's get one thing straight: talking about sex and love is embarrassing.

They don't teach us how to not be ashamed.

This is collective unconsciousness. The speaker doesn't mean it, but the listener does. I was once this obedient child, and I agree with this kind of education.

I'm going to give you a few tips.

1: Write down those relevant past events, go to social media, or continue asking questions to understand the impact of those events on you. Writing is therapeutic.

2: Look at everyone's suggestions, think about them, and summarize. You can make progress even if you only change one thing.

3: Start with something you can persevere with, and cultivate the ability to persevere. You will gain recognition and appreciation from everyone in the long run.

4: Affirm yourself and others more. Praise strangers, friends, and persevere for a month. You'll see what happens.

5: Avoid negative people and surround yourself with positive, supportive friends.

6: Read more, find your own spiritual support in books, and you will see that many outstanding people also have these common human problems.

I apologize and thank you.

If it's a forced effort, don't do it. Try to feel your emotions instead.

Best regards,

I am Kelly.

I love you, world.