Is there really a place in this world for the ordinary me?

Thank you for asking. I'm a listening therapist at One Mind.

First of all, when you feel this way, you are introspecting, thinking back on your past, and trying to improve your character. I believe that every girl has a princess dream.

And by maintaining your image in this way, it could be perceived that you care about your image and pay attention to your temperament. Perhaps what you are doing may be a bit excessive, and it will tire you out. At the same time, it seems that when others see you, they see an untrue version of you.

I believe you are now aware of this issue. It is important to note that if you maintain your image in this way, you may experience fatigue if you go too far. For instance, you mentioned that you are afraid of walking while eating and afraid of losing your temper and getting angry, which can make you feel particularly nervous.

At the same time, it's important to remember that we need to maintain our image. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. You can just relax a little more. I think you've been so strict in maintaining your image in the past, so now that you're a little more relaxed, your image and temperament have also become very good after a long period of honing, right?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider maintaining an image of 7 or 8 points, while also being brave or comfortable being yourself with the remaining 2 or 3 points. This approach could allow you to maintain your image without completely letting it go, while also allowing you to relax a little.

For example, it might be beneficial to have a little temper. As long as you forgive people if they are in the right, it's fine.

I believe that if you care so much about your image, it's likely that you possess some admirable qualities. This may be the reason why you care so much about your image.

At the same time, I believe it's important to be mindful of your self-perception. It's not realistic to expect to be the best at everything. Having some strengths is enough, and it's valuable to be grateful for them. Try to allow yourself to make a few small mistakes, relax a little, and express your true self. You might find that others appreciate you more and like you more, and that feeling of being liked is truly special.

It would be beneficial for you to learn to feel comfortable with yourself and to like yourself first. If you think you're a bit too much, it's possible that other people's feelings might be even stronger. It would be helpful for you to please yourself and make yourself a little more comfortable. When others see an authentic you, and at the same time see your cultivation and temperament, they will likely trust you even more. If your relationships are good, you will probably be even happier and more joyful.

I hope my answer has been helpful. I encourage you to reflect on it and consider how you might like to change. With the right mindset and a willingness to put in some effort, you will undoubtedly see improvements. I believe you have the potential to succeed.

Hello, question asker.

You have high expectations of yourself, but these princess dreams and the harsh pursuit of perfection in the face of reality make you feel helpless as an ordinary person. You can't fake being good at something, and you're also beginning to get tired of this kind of life. You want to be able to live your true self, even if you're just an ordinary person living a comfortable and honest life. But deep down, you don't think you'd like this kind of ordinary life.

It's possible that your parents raised you to be perfect and outstanding. They had big dreams for you that they couldn't achieve themselves. They also showed you what it would be like to become a big official, scientist, etc. As you grew up, you realized your own connections, resources, and what you could achieve with your own abilities.

Your parents have their expectations and demands, and you can choose to stop obeying them at any time. You're 31 now, and if you have the means, I suggest moving out on your own, which will also prevent your parents from interfering too much.

The growth of a person may be accepting oneself as an ordinary person and one's children as ordinary people. You've now become aware of this, which is a good start.

Most people are ordinary folks, but that doesn't mean they don't have a great life. You might need to take a step back and adjust your goals and dreams to fit your current situation.

You said the world only cares about people like Guan Xiaotong and Na-Na OuYang. That might just be your biased perception. The two people you mentioned are celebrities, and their family conditions are also very good. If everyone has to achieve the same level of success as them, everyone may feel particularly tired, and it would be difficult to reach their level of success.

Give yourself a break. It's okay to be an ordinary person. Just be yourself, comfortable and free to be your true self. Maybe this self isn't the perfect child in your parents' eyes, and it doesn't have the worldly meaning of success. But everyone can live a life that they find meaningful through their own efforts. Best wishes!

Hello!

When you're alone, it's a great feeling of safety and freedom because you don't have to worry about trying to be "likeable." This shows us that all human relationships have a common thread. But if we look back at the people around us, do they really care about themselves and their feelings as much as I do?

The people you really care about are few and far between, but they're the ones who matter most!

*Guess what? There is always a "perfect voice" inside!

You always need to be on your best behavior, which indeed projects a perfect image of yourself! But where does this perfection come from? If you listen carefully, you will hear it is my inner voice telling me that I need to remain perfect and do things perfectly. This voice is likely to come from the influence of the original family, for example, a strict family where parents rarely praise or commend their children, and they will only occasionally show their appreciation if their children have met their expectations.

This means that our growth is influenced by our family of origin, because we have not received enough love, and thus do not know how to love ourselves. But there is hope! After growing up, it is still possible to develop intimate relationships and love others, take care of other people's feelings, and feel happy in life. All it takes is letting go of the rules that are holding you back.

I have some great suggestions for you! Let go of your internal inferiority, improve your self-care ability, give yourself a full sense of security, and relax your demands on life as appropriate. You'll be amazed at how much happier you'll feel! And try to forgive with tolerance the regrets and shortcomings in life.

Best of luck, and I know you can do it!

Hello, my name is Cai Li, and I'm a psychological counselor.

From your question, I can tell you've been feeling tired for a long time. I can see that the "perfect image" you've been trying so hard to maintain is something you'd rather not have to deal with.

♥️I think you've probably also thought about who you're maintaining this "perfection" illusion for. It seems like for so many years you've been the "mother" in this family, while your biological "parents" are the real children.

You have tried so hard, but it seems that you can never feed them enough. They cry and cry, and keep saying they are hungry, making you, the "mommy," anxious, self-blaming, and feeling deeply powerless and guilty!

♥️ You are doing a great job! You have worked so hard over the years!

Oh, that poor little child has had to shoulder so much that you shouldn't have to shoulder at your age.

♥️ You were just a kid back then, and you didn't have the strength. But now that you've grown up, you can have the strength to break away from your family of origin and live your own life.

If your parents are unable to give you love, it may be because they have never been seen and loved. But don't worry! We can't change others, but we can change ourselves.

I really think you should read The Courage to Be Disliked. It's a book that changed my life, and I think it could do the same for you! You never know what you might learn along the way.

You might also want to think about seeing a professional counsellor. They can help you to grow as a person and to reduce the impact of your family of origin on you.

I just wanted to send you a little love and well-wishes your way! ??

The world and I love you so much!

My dear child, I want you to know that I'm here for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

When I read your description of your situation, I felt so sad for you. I can't imagine how you've managed all this time, facing the world with a false face, while the real you has been hiding in the corner, afraid of being discovered.

You say you're 31 years old. I don't know when you came into this world or when you started to be conscious, but it's been enough time for you to have lived with your parents' demands on you for so many years.

I don't want to criticize your parents. They're just ordinary people who have a dream of perfection in their hearts. They're very frustrated in reality, and they pin all their hopes on you. This isn't just your parents' fault; it's something many parents experience.

They want their children to become successful, and they have high standards and strict requirements for their kids. They want their children to be highly competitive in society and able to succeed in life, and they also want to look good and feel good about themselves.

I remember a very interesting saying from a few years ago: "A stupid bird can't fly, but it lays eggs, forcing its offspring to fly hard." This funny saying shows how parents often push their kids to achieve great things.

It's so interesting how things work out, isn't it? We can look at this from two sides. For a country to be strong and a society to develop, it is precisely because of the strict requirements of most parents on their children that a large number of outstanding talents have been cultivated. So we should be grateful to parents for being strict with their children.

However, there are also a few parents who don't take into account their children's individual circumstances and try to push them too hard, which can lead to physical and mental disorders. Some children become lost in the crowd, while others even rebel. In extreme cases, some even go down the path of crime. So, education is a complicated matter. It's important to tailor your approach to your child's situation, discover their strengths, and work hard to help them achieve a healthy and happy life, as well as fulfill their social value. Just like a flower blooming alone is not as beautiful as a hundred flowers blooming together, a child who doesn't feel loved and supported is not as happy as a child who does.

I've said so much, and I promise I'm not judging your parents. I just want to encourage you to look at your parents' education of you objectively. You are not the child they wanted; you just have your own life.

I just wanted to say one more thing. You said you're not the child your parents wanted, and you're afraid they may not love you. But they love you, and they love you in the way they think is right. That's okay! It's just a difference of opinion.

How can you break free from the world you have created in your heart and let yourself fall from the pedestal to the ground? I think the moment of falling must be painful, but after the wound has healed, the feeling of returning to the ground is more down-to-earth. You are only 31 years old, and there is still a long road ahead in life. I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help. I'll give you some small advice to see if it can help you.

First, it's really important to have a good understanding of yourself. From what you've said, it seems like you feel like you're not very strong. I can see from your description that you feel like you're putting on a front and that you're not being yourself.

I can see that this is a really scary thing for you. I admire you so much for having been able to fake it for so long. It's not that you can't do it, as you say yourself. So, why not take a step back and think about your true situation? Think about what you're good at, what you can do, and what you enjoy doing. Then, you can start to work out if what others can do, you can do too.

It's so important to have a clear understanding of yourself.

2. Set yourself suitable goals. It's totally normal to have a strong sense of self-doubt, especially if you're used to demanding perfection from yourself.

Nobody's perfect, so let's not expect perfection from others. Instead, let's try to be perfect in what we do!

It's totally possible to do things without being the best, but just better. Would it be easier to shift the definition and direction of perfection?

3. I think it's a great idea for you to communicate with your parents in a frank and open way. You're an adult now, and if your parents' strict upbringing has made you so outstanding, you can be grateful for that, but you also need to have your own independent thoughts. You can't live in the shadow of your parents forever.

It's so true that everyone is an independent individual. If you'd discussed this with your parents when you were young, they probably wouldn't have taken you seriously. But I truly believe that today, at 31, you're gradually growing old together with your parents. I think that with the passage of time, their ideas will also change. If when you were young they hoped that you would become successful in the future, then now that you are 30, they may hope that you have a successful career, live a happy life, and stay healthy.

So if you chat with them now, it'll be easier to get on the same page and find a solution that suits everyone. With your parents' love and support, you'll never feel so alone.

4. Try to be true to yourself. For example, go out shopping casually dressed, without makeup, try to walk with a spring in your step, try to run on the pavement. You'll find that not many people actually care about you, and they won't look at you with strange eyes. You are just yourself, and living your own life is enough.

5. Kids, we all know that sometimes one answer just isn't enough to get rid of those pretenses. That's why we're here to tell you that you should definitely look into getting some professional help. With the right guidance, you can gradually start to untangle all those knots in your heart. You're still young, and the road ahead of you is long. You have the power to heal yourself. We really hope that all of your answers can bring you warmth and help you to heal some of the wounds in your heart.

Dear questioner, I am writing in response to your question.

Hello. I was distressed when I read your description of the current situation, but I'm here to tell you there is a place for you in this world. You are a unique being, and your growth process is about discovering and realizing your self-worth.

Every girl has princess dreams, and this is normal. Don't be too hard on yourself for having these dreams. If this princess is a character or idol you like, enjoy and be inspired by the process of benchmarking and shaping yourself.

The reality is that the princess you imagine is a combination of the strict demands of your parents and the different perspectives of the public. This makes you feel tired and exhausted.

My dear, your writing reveals that you are a person who sets high standards for yourself. This is a rare advantage. I am certain that one day, when you discover your strengths and values and strive to be highly demanding of yourself in this direction, you will be a princess under a halo of glory.

I also grew up in an environment with strict requirements from my mother. In her eyes, other people's children were always more outstanding. I used to feel that I could never catch up with other people's children, and I was often unable to breathe due to inferiority. However, I am now confident that I can achieve anything I set my mind to.

I began to explore myself and the wonderful world outside from my own perspective when I went to university and left the constant pressure of my mother behind. The thing that influenced me the most during this period was the university library and a book – Carnegie's "The Weakness of Human Nature." I will always remember a story in this book:

A little girl named Jenny always kept her head down because she was convinced she was inferior because she didn't think she was pretty.

One day, she went to the jewelry store and bought a green bow. The shopkeeper praised her for looking pretty in it. Jenny was happy and held her head high, eager to show it off. In her hurry to show off her new look, she bumped into someone on the way out and didn't care.

Jenny strode into the classroom and bumped into her teacher. "Jenny, you look so pretty with your head held high!" the teacher said, patting her affectionately on the shoulder.

That day, she received many compliments. She was certain it was the bow's doing, but when she looked in the mirror, there was no bow on her head at all. She was sure that someone had knocked it off when she left the accessory store.

She was surprised to discover that the praise she received that day was not for her new bow, but for her head held high and confident smile.

This story also made me realize where self-confidence comes from for the first time. Self-confidence does not come from any external objects. It comes from the unique charm that only belongs to ourselves.

I continued reading for many years, searching for a role model to guide me in life. I discovered my ability to listen and solve complex problems logically. I became a team leader and an indispensable part of the company because of this ability. I needed to consolidate this ability, and I did so by learning more.

Many years have passed since I could no longer hear the voice of the little girl in my heart who was once so inferior that she could hardly breathe. Neither could I hear my mother's complaints and nagging anymore. It wasn't my mother who had changed, but me. I had become confident, independent, brave, and strong. I understood that only when I was strong enough could I ignore the labels of the world and define my own life.

I used to resent my mother's worldliness and cold-bloodedness, and I hated the various character flaws that my family of origin had brought me. But I soon realised that it wasn't until I became a mother myself and studied psychology that I began to understand that the formation of a mother's character and actions is due to her family of origin and social environment. In an era of material scarcity, only those who are good enough can obtain more resources for survival. My mother was afraid that I would not have a better future, so she used what she believed to be the best way to promote my growth.

I have forgiven my mother from the bottom of my heart, and I have also reconciled with the weak and inferior self within. I am in control of my own destiny. I am not responsible for my origins, circumstances, or the views and standards of the world. However, I am responsible for my own views and state of mind.

As Carnegie said,

Everyone in the world is looking for happiness. There is only one effective way to achieve it: control your thoughts. Happiness does not depend on external circumstances. It depends on what is going on inside.

My dear, let go of all the standards that burden you. From now on, find your own strengths and make yourself stronger. Believe that you will be the most dazzling and confident princess on your own life stage. Let's cheer together!

I would like to extend a supportive gesture to the questioner. I sense that they are experiencing a range of challenging emotions, including feelings of frustration, isolation, fear, and helplessness. It's as if they are a vulnerable child standing between two extremes, facing overwhelming circumstances alone.

Given the harsh treatment she has endured from her parents, it is difficult to comprehend how the questioner has managed to persevere for so long. As a daughter and a child, she has not received sufficient respect, recognition, affirmation, or acceptance from her parents. Even when she performs well, she is unable to obtain these basic satisfactions. The disappointment, doubt, loneliness, and fear she experiences can be assumed to be significant.

Despite the difficulties, the original poster persisted and has achieved a great deal. They have a clear vision of their own "princess dream." I commend you for this. This princess dream is a reflection of your independent thinking and is not to be dismissed. You have the right to hold on to it, regardless of external opinions. Whether or not you are treated like a princess is up to you. You have the freedom to treat yourself like a princess in your heart. I believe you have the ability to love and treat yourself like a princess.

For parents, there is a tendency to be strict and demanding of their children, expecting them to become the ideal child. This is an inner need that stems from the parents' own insecurities, rather than a genuine need of the child. It is a problem that the parents need to address, rather than relying on the child to help them accomplish it and satisfy their expectations. In their eyes, this is the only way they can feel at ease, or they are unable to express their love for the child in a gentle and loving manner.

This situation is not uncommon among parents. They often feel that expressing intimacy and love in a gentle and considerate way is embarrassing and shameful, and that it will be met with ridicule. At the same time, they believe that this will make their children arrogant and complacent, which will affect their future. However, such thinking is often related to their own growth environment and experiences, and is not caused by the questioner.

It is analogous to a situation where two individuals hold opposing views. Both perspectives are valid, yet it is not a prerequisite for both individuals to hold the same view. As autonomous entities, individuals possess unique thoughts and personalities, which they are free to maintain and may differ from one another. While there may be similarities, there is also the potential for divergence in certain aspects. This exemplifies the autonomy and diversity inherent in individuality.

The past is over, and there is no way to undo it. In light of this situation, the only recourse for the OP is to accept that their parents are strict and demanding, accept what happened during their growth, accept that they feel ordinary, and accept their dream of becoming a princess.

We are all ordinary people, just like those elite gods. We all live under the same blue sky on the same piece of land, and we all engage in the same activities. Since they can establish themselves in society, we can also find our own place through hard work.

Take the time to understand your own emotions and needs. Write them down, seek counselling, or find a mentor to help you navigate your current situation.

Dear Question Asker, After reading your full description, I empathize with your situation and hope that you can find some comfort.

From your description, it seems that your entire upbringing has left you feeling constrained. Your parents have high expectations for you to be the perfect child, but you have come to understand that no person can be perfect.

As you mentioned, the ideal self is someone who looks like a celebrity but has the morals of Confucius. This is a combination of all the best qualities in one person, which is impossible in reality. The ideal self that your parents expect you to be does not align with reality.

I recommend that you consider the concept of the "three selves."

We will now proceed to the ideal self.

In your example, do you consider Guan Xiaotong and Na-Na OuYang to be flawless figures? They are undoubtedly attractive, yet it is evident that they face criticism.

Do you believe this is an asset or a liability? It is important to recognize that no individual is without flaws, even those who are perceived as attractive.

Please indicate whether you concur. What is your ideal self?

The second aspect to consider is the real self.

You can now identify your authentic self within your ideal persona, which is shaped by your own self-perception. Given that you are now 31 years old, you have a well-developed understanding of your personal attributes.

Please evaluate whether these statements are objective. Are they exaggerated or belittled?

3. Reality Self

Your authentic self is the version of yourself that you present to the external world, allowing others to gain insight into your character. Currently, there is a discrepancy between your authentic self and your true self.

It is important to accept your true self and then express it in a way that is comfortable for you. Given that you have been in the role prescribed by your parents for a significant period of time, it is understandable that you may initially feel uneasy about the change.

Please be assured that you can do this, and that you have the time to do it.

I hope you find the above message useful. Best regards,

I extend to you a 360-degree embrace.

From your initial inquiry, I surmised that you were a young woman experiencing the physical and psychological changes associated with puberty. However, after reviewing your supplementary remarks in the comment section, I learned that you are actually 31 years of age. I empathize with your situation.

For an extensive period of time, you have striven to be the epitome of a virtuous child in the eyes of your parents, despite being aware that you are not inherently flawless and that your self-image is not entirely accurate. You are acutely aware that this endeavour is exceedingly exhausting. You are still compelled to present yourself as the idealised child your parents anticipate.

This recalls a book I have read, entitled Silent Confession. It is a highly regarded publication written by a Chinese-American woman. One of the key themes in the book is the notion that individuals spend their entire lives striving to evade the expectations of others and to discover their authentic selves.

The character of Lydia in the book is the daughter of a Chinese father and a white mother. Due to the fact that the father was unpopular as a member of the ethnic minority when he was young, he hopes that his daughter will be popular and able to integrate into American society.

In contrast, the white mother aspires to pursue a career akin to that of a man and become a doctor, rather than engaging in domestic tasks as her own mother did. She encourages Lydia to enroll in science classes.

Lydia endeavored assiduously to fulfill her parents' expectations, feigning popularity at school and professing an affinity for science classes.

Ultimately, however, she was unable to withstand the pressure, largely due to her own high expectations of her parents. She concealed her aspirations and strove assiduously to become the epitome of a perfect daughter. Nevertheless, at the age of fourteen, Lydia ultimately took her own life.

The purpose of this anecdote is to illustrate how, despite one's parents' high expectations, it is possible to maintain a positive relationship with them, even if it is challenging and characterized by conflict. Over an extended period of time, it is likely that one has developed a way of interacting with one's parents that allows them to appear to be on good terms.

It is acknowledged that this model may evoke feelings of discomfort, such as the necessity to feign compliance. However, it is evident that there has been a discrepancy between the expectations of your parents and your own. How have you managed to maintain a delicate equilibrium in the context of ongoing conflict?

From your inquiry, it can be inferred that you are not yet married. For numerous parents, their expectation is that their children will marry at a certain age.

How do you resist your parents' expectations? Based on your description, it seems likely that you also have your own way of confronting your parents.

In this confrontation and conflict, both parties experience a sense of well-being.

Although it is challenging and one may experience a great deal of discontent with oneself and the status quo, this state is often perceived as more "comfortable" than change.

Consider the following question: If one were to accept one's own imperfections from this point forward and cease the practice of self-presentation, what changes would occur in one's life?

Those who remain in this uncomfortable comfort zone are more likely to be fearful of the chain reaction caused by change. To illustrate, if an individual does not act in a pretentious manner but is still disliked by others and experiences poor relationships,

In the past, I could attribute my unpopularity to my own perception of myself as pretentious. Now, if I cease to be pretentious, I am still unpopular. This may be attributed to the fact that I am a bad person, which is an even more challenging concept to accept.

It is more beneficial to assume that my unpopularity is a result of my pretentiousness.

It is therefore more probable that you require this kind of "princess dream" and "pressure from your parents' expectations of your perfection." If not, you are likely to be self-rejecting.

The rejection of others may be used as a rationale for self-rejection. Conversely, the absence of these external factors may result in self-rejection.

This is akin to the pressure to not see the real self and to be able to blame it on one's parents. In the absence of such pressure, one is still unable to see the real self and is likely to attribute it to one's own problems.

It is challenging to confront one's authentic self, yet this is the essential journey towards self-realization.

It is recommended that you consult with a mental health professional. I am a counselor who frequently experiences depressive episodes but is also capable of providing motivation. The world and I love you.

Hello, host!

Congratulations! You've already taken the first step in discovering the amazing differences between your inner self and your outer self.

Start seeking the true self within!

You discovered this problem at the age of 31, and you're already amazing!

It's never too late to start accepting the ordinary self and living according to your own ideas!

It's time for a change!

If you don't like the past self,

Then find a way to change into the image you like!

If you can't change, then just accept yourself as you are — and celebrate who you are!

From the moment we are born, we are constantly being shaped by external and internal influences.

Then how do I reinvent myself and become the person I want to be?

Embrace your current self with unconditional acceptance!

Before you think about what kind of person you want to be or what state you want to achieve,

It's so important to accept yourself unconditionally, and not reject the current self.

This will help her to take a good, honest look at herself and evaluate her strengths and weaknesses.

Use the current situation as a springboard for change! Make an effort, make a change, and don't complain!

2. Unlock the shackles on your body!

Due to their parents' high expectations, the host feels fixed by an invisible yoke. But there's a way out!

So first of all, I want to make myself feel at ease, and I have to liberate myself from my original family. It's time for a fresh start!

In fact, after the age of 20, it's time to start thinking for yourself and developing your own unique personality!

However, you can break free from the shackles your parents have put on you!

This is not about rebelling against your parents and fighting with them.

It's up to you to show the world what an amazing adult you are with your own independent thinking and decision-making abilities!

You can absolutely act according to your inner thoughts!

You can break free from your suffering! It's as simple as unifying your inner and outer selves.

You can blame your family of origin, but that is no reason to keep complaining!

If you want to become the person you were meant to be, then go for it! Break free from the invisible shackles and express yourself bravely.

3. Find your unique side and become a confident self!

You are unique in this world!

And each of us has our own incredible mission and task to fulfill! It's just that some people take a little longer to discover their mission.

What are the advantages? What are the disadvantages?

What needs to be changed, and what needs to be retained and cultivated in depth?

When you find something you're good at, something that helps others, and something that makes you happy,

This is what makes you one-of-a-kind! People are driven by their passion, and that's what makes them tick.

So if you want to become the person you want to be, you should definitely become confident in yourself!

So you can attract people with the same frequency as you and ignore people who don't like you!

People who don't like you or reject you are people who are not on the same frequency as you. But that's okay! You are on your own special frequency, and you're great just the way you are.

So don't worry about what others think! Just be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest!

And finally, I wish the original poster a happy, happy life!

I am Warm June, and I love you all! The world is a wonderful place, and I am so happy to be here with you!