Is this old auntie being a bit too harsh? Or am I just being oversensitive?

Hello. I give you a 360-degree hug.

After reading your question, I put myself in your shoes. If it were me, I would be angry too after hearing what the old auntie said. I would even tell her straight away that the child is not as smart as her younger sister. If she was talking about me, I would be fine with it. Adults can handle things, and I know that what she says cannot change us.

She said that children are too young and immature to judge whether other people's comments are reasonable or how they should respond to them. She said that I don't care if she says something too much.

When it comes to children, I can't stand it. I have to protect them. In our family, there are six cousins. My mother sometimes says, "Look at brother, what's wrong with him, what's wrong with brother, why are you like this?"

We told my mother not to say such things to the child. She needed to understand that he is just a child and has his own pace. My mother didn't have any bad intentions. She just wanted the child to improve.

The child doesn't understand, so he thinks, "You say I'm bad, you don't like me." This will undoubtedly affect his mental health. My mother just praises all her grandchildren without thinking, praising them in every way.

Many older people will say this, but they are just making a comparison and they enjoy seeing the embarrassment of the person who is worse off.

They don't consider the feelings of the person being judged and fail to realize the harm they might cause. When I was a child, someone said I was adopted, and I was understandably upset. I went home and asked my parents, and they immediately corrected the false assumption.

If some children are really adopted, they know better than to say such things to others. They also know that their words could make their parents unhappy.

Some people are just unpleasant. They say unpleasant things and belittle others. There's no benefit to them in saying what they say.

It's simply mean-spirited. They do this because that's how they were raised. It's second nature to them, just as saying "thank you" is to some people.

Adults can understand this kind of speech and may laugh it off or simply walk away. But children are different.

Children's minds are not yet mature, and they rely heavily on external feedback to form their own opinions of themselves. If a child is constantly belittled by the outside world, they will belittle themselves in return.

You did the right thing. When the old auntie said it a second time, you were angry but you immediately reassured your child.

I am certain that the biggest reason you got angry was because the other person talked about the child. It certainly was not because the other person talked about you.

You're not being sensitive. You're just a mother instinctively protecting her child. When faced with this kind of situation, calm the child on the spot.

If you encounter someone who is particularly difficult, they may think that what you say to calm your child is an insult to them. Protect the safety of yourself and your child at all costs.

Get away from the scene and calm your child immediately. Then, assess the situation to see if you can confront the other party directly.

In any case, protecting your own safety is crucial. Just like with this old aunt you mentioned. If you tell her, "Don't tell my son to tell his mother to give birth to a brother who is smarter than you," my son will be unhappy.

She'll probably say, "Oh, it was just a joke, and you can't take a joke." You'll just get even more angry.

Don't waste your time arguing with a fool. He's not worth it. Protect your child's mental health. Let him know who he is and that his parents love him. That way, external evaluations won't affect his opinion of himself.

I tell my child that in her mother's heart, she is the best baby in the world. And in other mothers' hearts, their babies are the best babies in the world.

My second aunt thinks her sister is the best baby. When my child came back from school and said that some kids said she was stupid, I asked her, "So what did you do?"

She said, "I say he's stupid, and you say I'm stupid." The main thing is that if you say something I don't like to hear, I'm ignoring you.

From your description, it seems we cannot change the words or actions of others, just like this aunt. You have argued with her, but she may say it again next time because she finds it hard to control herself. If that happens, don't say anything. It won't have much of an impact.

Know yourself. If you have nurtured your child's self-confidence, it will be less likely to be affected by the opinions of others.

You must be rational and ensure your child does not believe they are the best. Let them know they are unique, but also ordinary.

The child's inner self is the anchor. It is strong and rational enough to withstand any storm that may come its way.

You are a wonderful mother who can protect and stand up for your child. You will raise an outstanding child.

You're doing a great job. Keep up the good work.

I am a psychological counselor who is often depressed and sometimes optimistic. The world and I love you—and I'm going to prove it.

Hello.

A pat on the shoulder.

"I want to know if this auntie's way of speaking is an expression of hurt pride, or if I'm being too sensitive! Would the average person care if someone spoke to their son like this over and over again? Is she deliberately belittling my child by speaking like this? How would the average person respond in a situation like this?

This old auntie is being overly harsh. I'm not being oversensitive.

I believe that most people in this situation would directly intervene to avoid further negative effects. The objective negative effects are clear, so it cannot be said that the person overreacted. Rather, it was a reasonable action based on a reasonable emotion.

But was the old auntie deliberately trying to slander or hurt her?

To answer such questions, you must be able to perceive things objectively. This requires an objective judgment because this is not just a conflict between personal values. It is also a result of differences in perception caused by the social environment and the different roles and positions of each individual.

Take, for instance, the words of an old aunt to her grandchildren. They may still be similar to the educational concepts described in the article, such as "negation," "comparison," or "irony." However, the mother of the original poster will undoubtedly have a very different attitude towards her own grandchildren. She will tell them, just like you, "It doesn't matter if you wear your pants inside out, you're very good and I'm proud of you."

This is the difference between family values education and other family education concepts, and it is also related to the cognitive influence a person receives and the stressful environment they feel. You must maintain a high degree of emotional awareness, stabilize your emotions, and maintain a certain spatial or physical distance from things that make you feel uncomfortable to avoid similar mental anxiety. (The same sentence has a different effect on different people.)

The comment "Aren't you being oversensitive?" is neither objective nor accurate when directed at someone who feels their boundaries are being violated.

Furthermore, everyone has the right to express their feelings.

I want to know how I can avoid similar situations and maintain emotional stability in my life.

First, you must enhance your self-awareness and understand your emotions. For example, you should know what things will have a negative impact on you and what feelings they will bring, and at the same time, deeply perceive where the source of emotions comes from.

I want to know if the old aunt's negative comments had other negative impacts on me. When I was a child, I had negative feelings about similar people and things. I had a difficult experience with these feelings.

Second, learn to stabilize your emotions and accept that not everyone can meet your expectations.

This part is easy to understand. A building block is home to all kinds of people, and they all have their own independent thoughts and opinions. There will always be conflict. I need to accept different perceptions and recognize external factors affecting my emotions. Maintaining distance from others allows me to maintain inner peace.

Finally, improve your emotional awareness and find inner energy support and strength.

The negative behavior of the old aunt has an amplified effect on me for two reasons. First, the old aunt's "boundaryless" behavior has a negative impact on me. Second, I have an unrecognized conflict within me, a kind of instability that is triggered by such external stimuli. I will seek more external support to reassure myself and regain a sense of security.

If the original poster hasn't done anything wrong and their emotional state is healthy, the outside world can't affect them. The old aunt's "lack of objective evaluation" is a form of violent communication, an invisible attack. Don't jump into the eye of the emotional storm together. Jump out and keep it away from yourself. Stay away from everything that can bring uncomfortable experiences and mental wear and tear. This is a way of self-protection and a method of self-care.

I am confident that the above will be of help to you.

My son deserves to grow up happier and healthier.

Hello, question asker! I understand how uncomfortable and worried you feel as a mother when you hear someone comment on your child like that.

First and foremost, trust your feelings. Every child is a treasure in their parents' hearts, and as a mother, you have every right to protect your child when you hear negative comments about them.

From your description, it's clear that the old aunt didn't intend any harm. However, her words are inappropriate and make people feel uncomfortable. She may just be expressing her expectations and suggestions for the child in her own way, but this way of expression is clearly unacceptable.

She repeatedly mentioned the words "smarter than you," which is an insult.

In psychology, there is a phenomenon called "comparative psychology." People often unconsciously compare themselves with others to assess their own value and abilities.

However, excessive comparisons often have a negative impact, such as feelings of inferiority and anxiety. For children, excessive comparisons can even damage their self-esteem and self-confidence.

There are many ways to interpret the old aunt's behavior. She may be trying to teach her child in a way she thinks is appropriate, but it's clear that this approach is not suitable for your son.

Everyone has their own unique educational methods and concepts, and we cannot expect everyone to fully understand our thoughts and feelings. However, we can and should choose how to face and deal with such situations.

First, have a conversation with the old aunt. Tell her that her comments about your son are unwelcome.

You should also express your respect and understanding for her, but make it clear that you hope she'll pay more attention to her own way of expressing herself. This kind of communication requires skill and patience, but I believe that through sincere communication, you can ease the misunderstanding and conflict between you.

You can also choose to ignore her comments. They may make you feel uncomfortable, but you have the power to not let them get to you.

You can't control what others say or do, but you can control your own reactions. Focus on your relationship with your son, pay attention to his growth and progress, and give him the support and encouragement he needs.

Use this opportunity to teach your son how to face and deal with similar comments. Tell him that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and that he should accept his imperfections and work hard to improve his weaknesses.

We can also draw useful information from other people's comments, but we must not pay too much attention to negative comments from others.

Finally, I want to be clear: your son is the best in your heart, and this is an unchangeable fact. No matter what others say, you should believe this.

At the same time, you must encourage your son to believe in himself, affirm him, and work hard to pursue his dreams and goals.

In short, we must remain calm and rational in the face of such situations. We can deal with conflicts and problems through communication, neglect, or education.

Believe in yourself and your abilities. Believe in your relationship with your family. I hope these suggestions will be helpful to you.