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By Anonymous | Published on December 27, 2024
Hello, question asker! I'm Jia Ao, and I'm just here to help in any way I can.
I read your post and I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your family wasn't very happy, and your parents didn't pay much attention to you. It's understandable that you'd find that as long as someone treats you well, you'll fall for them. It's also totally normal to have feelings for women and to have liked boys, but when someone liked you, you felt disgust and nausea. It's so hard when that happens. You're especially sensitive to the opposite sex, and you long to be liked by others. It's understandable that you don't want others to have feelings for you, but it's also natural to want to be loved. You're afraid of falling in love, but you want a long-lasting relationship. I'm here for you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
It's totally normal to feel unsure about your preferences. It's not easy to figure out whether you're more attracted to the same sex or the opposite sex. Your family of origin might be a big part of why you're feeling this way. You might have grown up without a lot of love or attention, which can make it tough to build intimate relationships. It's okay to feel a bit resistant to them. You might have a fear of falling in love or a hope that no one else will feel love for you. But deep down, you long for a long-lasting relationship and you long to be loved.
Let me help you analyze and sort it out, my friend.
You've got this! The key to solving your problems is when you can break away from the influence of your family of origin and break old patterns. You can do it! Bravely say goodbye to your past. As for your family of origin and your parents, you can choose whether to reconcile or not, and whether to forgive or not. Only when you have resolved your original trauma will you have more confidence in building an intimate relationship. You've got this!
2. [Approach emotional problems calmly and rationally]. In the pursuit of love, it's important to have your own opinions. Just because someone is nice to you doesn't mean you should like them. That kind of love might not be love. It's easy to mistake gratitude for love, but that kind of relationship often doesn't last. The best thing you can do is understand your own deep feelings and have the right attitude towards relationships. That way, you can truly have the love you want!
3. It's totally normal to become attached to someone and like them when you don't get enough love as a child. It's like your admiration for a girl, but liking someone does not amount to love. Love must be mutual. There is no difference between liking the same sex or the opposite sex. It depends on whether you have a romantic liking for that person and whether you want to have further intimate contact. If you have both, of course it is impossible to just be friends.
4. It's totally normal to feel a bit hesitant when it comes to intimate contact with the opposite sex. It's a new experience for you, and it's natural to feel a little unsure. It's okay to be a bit afraid of the unknown! You might not have much experience with intimate relationships, and that's okay. If you meet someone who makes your heart flutter and puts your mind at ease, it will be much better. These are things that only you can determine.
5. It would be really helpful for you to learn a bit more about psychology, read some more books on the subject, learn to deal with various psychological problems, try to get yourself out of mental depletion, and the first step to building an intimate relationship with others is to [establish the correct perception]. At the same time, you also need a strong inner heart. Everything should be done slowly. Come on~
I really hope my answer helps! I love you all so much, and I'm sending lots of love to the whole world! ??
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I can't imagine how painful it must have been for you as a child, missing your mother and facing so much negativity from both parents. It's like the love you sought was always just out of reach, and when it did come, it was tainted with harsh words or actions. Growing up in that environment, it's no wonder you felt confused about your feelings towards others. It's a protective mechanism to pull away when someone shows interest, even if they're kind. The fear of being hurt again is real.
It's heartbreaking to read about your childhood, filled with longing and abuse. Your letter to your mother represents the innocence and hope of a child who just wants to be loved and understood. As you grew older, your desire for affection led you to develop feelings for those who were kind to you, regardless of their gender. But it seems like the trauma from your past has made it difficult for you to accept love in return, creating this paradox where you yearn for connection but reject it when it comes.
Your story resonates deeply with me. The pain of not being enough for the people we love, and the struggle to find our place in the world, can be overwhelming. You've learned to associate love with pain, which makes it hard to trust or accept it. It's a natural response after everything you've been through. Now, you're at a point where you want to preserve your heart, to keep it safe from further harm. That's understandable, but I hope you also allow yourself to explore what healthy love could look like for you.
Reading your words, I feel the weight of your experiences. The longing for your mother's love, the confusion over your own feelings, and the discomfort with reciprocating affection—it all paints a picture of someone who has been searching for a sense of belonging and safety. It's important to recognize that your past doesn't define your future. While it's okay to protect yourself, don't let fear prevent you from finding genuine connections. Maybe one day, you'll find someone who understands and accepts you without judgment.
Your journey is one of deep emotional complexity. The pain from your childhood has shaped your perceptions of love and relationships, making it challenging to navigate them as an adult. It's clear that you've been through a lot, and it's understandable why you feel the way you do. However, it's also possible to heal and to learn to trust again. Take it one step at a time, and remember that it's okay to seek help and support along the way. You deserve to find peace and to experience love in a way that feels safe and fulfilling.