It's easy to be self-critical; how to establish positive self-affirmations?

Hello, host.

I need a warm hug.

Everyone has a white child and a black child living inside them. The child is how you want to be seen by others. You care deeply about what other people think.

I went to get my nucleic acid test done, and even though I clearly didn't jump the queue, he accused me of doing so. I defended myself, but others thought I really had jumped the queue. You care about what other people think, and you want other people to think well of you. This is your white child, who judges themselves based on other people's opinions.

The black child in this is the true self. The true self doesn't judge itself based on the opinions of others. It justifies itself when it thinks it did the right thing. I don't feel uncomfortable defending my own interests.

Tell me how to give myself a positive mental message.

From the beginning, you have flaws. It is because of these flaws that you are unique. Don't care what others say. Each person has a different opinion. From a different perspective, the same problem will lead to different results. Look at yourself from the perspective of accepting yourself. You are brave to argue with people who unfairly judge you. This is an act of protecting yourself. What's wrong with that? This is the black child inside you. You have to protect her!

Tell yourself you are valuable, beautiful, and a unique existence in the world. Honor yourself for simply being you.

Read the book The Courage to Be Disliked. You need to have the courage to be disliked in order to truly discover the black child within yourself. Embrace that black child within yourself and find the life you truly want to have.

I love you, world.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I really understand your dilemma. Let me give you a warm hug first.

The issue you're facing is:

If you're being too hard on yourself, how can you improve?

Problem analysis:

1. When the questioner was young, they were probably brought up in a family that was pretty strict about their behavior. That probably led to self-criticism at an early age. Later on, there may have been some objective circumstances that led to the continuation of the habit.

2. The questioner may think that being tough on yourself is a kind of motivation. We often think that if we don't push ourselves a little harder, we'll become lazy, complacent, and mediocre.

But the truth is, there's a big difference between setting high standards and being hard on yourself. Being hard on yourself is just selfish.

3. You're mentally exhausted and overthinking, which is a waste of time.

Here's what you need to do:

(1) Breathe deeply, love yourself unconditionally, and accept yourself for who you are.

(2) Remind yourself that whatever you did before and whatever happened, it was the best choice you could make at the time.

(3) Summarize everything that happened each day, reflect on it, and think about what you could have done better and what you need to do differently next time.

(4) Take a break from your usual routine by going on a trip, climbing a mountain, or going for a run.

(5) Avoid wasting mental energy on negative thoughts and focus on improving yourself through practice.

(6) Set goals at different levels. If resources are limited, focus on doing your best to be the best you can be. If resources are plentiful, try to find the best solution for yourself and others, and identify the greatest common factor.

I hope this helps. Best regards, [Name]

Hello!

I understand. I can see the sensitivity, guilt, and self-criticism in your words. Here are some ways to adjust:

I understand you. I see you're sensitive, guilty, and harsh to yourself. Here are some ways to adjust:

Accept yourself.

Accept yourself.

Accept yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and your imperfections.

Accept yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, and your imperfections.

Everyone has ups and downs. No one is perfect. There's no need to compare yourself to others. Some flaws don't need to be fixed. They can even become strengths.

Everyone has ups and downs. We all have our own flaws. There's no need to compare yourself to others. Some flaws don't need to be fixed. They can even become strengths.

Record your sensitive areas.

Write down what you care about. Think about it in different ways. See if others care about it too.

Next time, you'll think about your own records and analyze the situation, not just react emotionally.

▪ Practice deliberately.

Be more encouraging, stay positive, and believe in yourself.

Write down some negative thoughts you have and then replace them with positive thoughts.

As you do more exercises, negative thoughts will be replaced by positive ones.

As you do more exercises, negative thoughts will change to positive ones.

Don't worry about what others think.

Everyone sees things differently. Don't worry about what others say. As long as you're happy with yourself and do your best, that's all that matters.

Everyone's experiences and environments are different, so they see things differently. Don't worry about what a few people say. Just be yourself.

If many people have a negative opinion of you, you may need to reflect on yourself.

I hope this helps. Best regards!

Good day!

As a heart coach, I believe that learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you have shared, it seems that you are experiencing feelings of anxiety/a-31-year-old-woman-often-engages-in-self-criticism-even-when-theres-no-fault-what-should-she-do-7524.html" target="_blank">self-criticism, denial, anxiety, worry, pain, and a strong desire to change.

I won't delve into the specifics of the challenges you've faced, given your tendency to be self-critical. However, I'd like to offer three suggestions for your reflection:

If I may suggest, perhaps it would be helpful to think back to the moment when you became prone to being hard on yourself and what happened at that time.

You mentioned that you often find yourself being quite hard on yourself, and you also gave the recent example of waiting in line for a nucleic acid test. Perhaps it would be helpful to think about when you first started being hard on yourself, and what happened at that time.

Could it be that you were often rejected during your growth process, and that those who rejected you were people you cared about? This might have led you to become critical of yourself and worry about not doing a good job. Or could it be that you have had experiences of being told off in public for not following the rules, and that the other person even used harsh words? This might have led you to become easily affected by small things and become anxious and worried. In short, it would be helpful for you to figure out the reason why you think this way.

It would be beneficial to understand the reason behind your thoughts and actions, as this will help you to find a way out of the situation.

Secondly, it might be helpful to consider the reasons you have identified in a calm and rational way.

It might be helpful to consider that a rational perspective can assist in understanding oneself and reality more clearly.

To accept yourself rationally, you might consider doing the following three things:

It might be helpful to remember that the person you are now is quite different from who you were in the past.

It's possible that your tendency to criticize yourself is influenced by past experiences, including events from your childhood or challenges you've faced during your personal growth journey. It's essential to recognize that your current self is not the same as the self you were in the past.

At that time, you might have been young and not yet aware of the importance of obeying public order. Now, however, you are more mature and have gained valuable knowledge and experience. This has likely equipped you with the ability to make informed decisions about whether you are obeying public order and what you should and shouldn't do. It is important to have confidence in your abilities.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that nobody is perfect, and that making a mistake does not define a person as a "bad person".

Perhaps you are prone to be critical of yourself, and this may be related to the fact that you demand perfection from yourself. You may find it challenging to allow yourself to make mistakes, even if they are minor. This could also be one of the reasons why you may find it difficult to accept when other people talk about you in public. At this point, it could be helpful to understand that everyone makes mistakes, and it's enough to correct them after making a mistake. It doesn't mean that they are a bad person.

Furthermore, it is important to recognize that others may also misunderstand you. As in the case of your nucleic acid test, it is possible that the other person may have misinterpreted your actions. In such instances, it is crucial to acknowledge that both individuals may have made mistakes, and that self-criticism may not be the most constructive approach.

Third, it is important to recognize that while it is acceptable to be firm with oneself, it is not advisable to be excessively critical. The impetus for personal growth stems from self-affirmation and self-acceptance.

If you want to become a better person, it's important to remember that self-criticism is not the way forward. Instead, try to accept yourself and allow for some mistakes along the way. Change often comes from embracing what is and letting things be as they are.

Perhaps if you consider this in a more rational way, some of the negative emotions you are feeling might start to subside.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to focus on yourself and consider what you can do to feel better.

When you take the time to consider the reasons you have found, you may also be able to identify a course of action. At this point, you can focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, if you find yourself being overly critical of yourself, you might consider offering yourself some gentle reassurance. Perhaps you could say something like, "I could have handled this better or done a better job. It's okay, everyone makes mistakes. I'll pay attention next time," and so on. Such positive suggestions may help you to accept yourself while also becoming a better person, which in turn could make you feel better.

It might also be helpful to remind yourself that, now that you've grown up, you can handle many things. Perhaps it's not so helpful to worry too much about things that haven't happened, and it might be more helpful to focus on the present. When your attention is on the present, it's likely that your mood will be calmer.

It might also be helpful to consider your own strengths when you are feeling anxious. It's important to remember that everyone has strengths, and you are no exception. When you recognize your strengths, it can help you feel more confident and calm.

You might also consider viewing yourself with a developmental perspective, given that you still have time and energy to improve and perfect yourself. When you see the power of time, you may also feel better. In short, you may find it helpful to know that you can do something to improve the current situation.

When you take action, you may find that negative emotions in your heart are gradually resolved. Sometimes, taking action can be an effective way to address these emotions.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you would like to discuss further, you are welcome to click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom of the page, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

I sense that you may be feeling a bit aggrieved at the moment.

You mention that this type of situation occurs quite frequently in your life. You did something without any malicious intent, but were accused of it by someone else. At the time, you defended yourself to save face, but afterwards you felt remorseful, as if you had done something wrong, and worried about the consequences.

This recurring self-criticism can lead to feelings of fear and worry about the unknown. It's natural to feel uncomfortable in such a state, and it's understandable that you'd want to establish positive mental suggestions.

Perhaps we can explore together why you have developed this habit of being overly critical of yourself and what you could do to change your mindset.

Could I ask why you habitually over-criticize yourself?

It may be helpful to consider that the state of being critical of oneself can evoke feelings of frustration in others. Despite the potential discomfort it may cause, it seems that you continue to engage in self-criticism on a regular basis.

Some psychologists believe that our habits are shaped by past experiences and that they have, at one point, served us in some way.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why you have retained this habit of being hard on yourself. Do you remember how old you were when you first felt this way?

Could you please tell me what happened and why you felt the need to criticize yourself?

Could you please tell me what happened after you criticized yourself? I'd also like to understand what the criticism made you feel.

It is my hope that these questions will help you gain a deeper understanding of the behavior of being overly critical of yourself.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why you don't want to be bothered by this self-critical mood anymore.

Could I ask you to consider why this self-criticism makes you feel uncomfortable? And what are your thoughts when you hear that inner voice of self-criticism?

Could you please tell me how these ideas make you feel? And how would you like to behave?

How would you like to be treated? Do you think there might be a way for you to treat yourself in the way you want to?

If I might inquire further, what would be the most effective way to suggest positive mental suggestions?

To establish positive mental suggestions, it would be helpful to think clearly about what kind of positive mental suggestions you are expecting. For example, when you encounter a situation like this, how would you like to behave?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how you treat yourself in order to feel more comfortable. It might be beneficial to treat yourself in a way that aligns with your personal ideas and practices.

You might also consider relying on the strength of others, sharing your concerns and expectations with your trusted friends and family, and listening to their advice and comfort in such situations. I believe this could be helpful for you.

It is my sincere hope that the above suggestions will prove to be a source of inspiration for you.

If you would like to communicate further, you are welcome to click on my Heart Detective coaching service, where we can discuss your concerns in more detail.

I wish you the best of luck! Warm regards,

Hi there!

Give you a hug and stroke your head.

It's actually pretty easy to understand sensitive personalities because we're all born with different levels of sensitivity. Some people just don't show it as much, so we subconsciously think they're not sensitive or even a little wooden. When their defense against harm is broken, they'll also collapse and cry. On the other hand, some people just bounce back more strongly, so they seem super sensitive to others.

So why does my sensitivity lead to such distressing emotions?

This is a result of the paradox of human commonality, which is that development towards maturity is a continuous corrective and affirmative surrounding development. So, when you ask someone to behave in an ideal way, this request itself is wrong. Life is small and trivial. Everyone wants to deal with the current problem perfectly. So, what often makes them difficult to talk about is the mistakes they have made or are making. They always think that mature people will not live in such contradictions and pain, but this is not scientific, and it is impossible to use an idealized vision.

For instance, the example given by the original poster is a minor conflict with a staff member in a queue. Because of the other person's negativity and negative emotions, it affected the original poster, who began to doubt himself and felt his self-esteem hurt. However, if someone else were in the same situation, they might feel very differently. Perhaps they would respond calmly and not dwell on it afterwards. Does that make them a better person than the original poster?

Or are people who are good at emotional mediation just great?

The answer is no, because a generalization is a biased conclusion that tends to be one-sided. Plus, everyone's "sensitive points" are different. Some people are allergic to "loud talking," while others are allergic to "listening-style talking." It may seem like these two extremes can't get along, but they can.

To make sure you don't come across as too abrupt or embarrassing, you can take a moment to get into the situation and observe the environment. This gives you time to understand your emotions, prevents you from making assumptions, and gives you room to withdraw if you encounter an embarrassing situation. And in this process, there's no need to hold any critical concepts because if you haven't played your cards yet, what's the concept of "right or wrong"?

[Regain your confidence and communicate in a natural, confident way]

The questioner's sensitivity stems from an "allergic" reaction to a lack of positive communication experiences.

That is, when we initially don't feel burdened, talking to others about our ideas and sharing and exchanging them. If the experience is negative and we feel rejected, we'll feel uncomfortable about it inside, which will arouse our inner sensitivity. Therefore, we'll be more careful and pay more attention. When we wait until the next time to communicate again and the experience is not positive feedback, this sensitivity will escalate again, and we'll feel more constrained. However, when you calm down and think carefully, you'll actually find a loophole: we always speculate on other people's feelings and thoughts on our own, and we actually don't know what the other person is thinking.

It's not realistic to expect to ask others about every thought and feeling. If we're too sensitive and try to grasp every point of communication, we'll lose the joy of communication and feel tired. So, communication needs to be in our most natural state. If we have thoughts to share, we can share them further when we understand the other person's thoughts. If we feel uncomfortable, we can just touch on the subject. In a more natural and relaxed state of communication, we can grasp the information we want, rather than worrying about sensitive points.

[Keep a diary to help you cope with your emotions and regain a sense of balance in your life]

Keeping a diary is a way to record how you felt useful and meaningful during the day. It can also help you deal with negative emotions. Our brains need to be balanced by our environment. But many people are used to recording all the information in their minds, and the next day they still feel the original negative emotions. If there's a backlog, it can easily affect how you feel. Keeping a diary is a way to relieve negative emotions. When there's a better solution, you can look at it again and observe it from a distance. If we observe our own thoughts, we'll be more objective and won't feel constant tension and anxiety.

[Share your thoughts with people you trust.]

Have you ever noticed that when we worry about something, even if we're doing other things, we end up thinking about it a lot? This can make it hard to deal with the problem at hand. And since there's no easy solution right now, we start to imagine ways to solve it in our minds. This can lead to a vicious cycle where we get stuck in a rut, thinking about the problem more and more, and feeling more and more frustrated.

This is the gap between reality and ideas. When the best time to solve a problem arrives, the previously felt distant and hopeless difficulties are miraculously resolved. Where is the golden key to this problem hiding? In fact, it needs to be discovered through the process of implementation. Life is a combination of countless perspectives, but ideas sometimes overlook some key information, causing confusion in all logical relationships.

The best way to avoid getting stuck in a rut is to bring in new ideas. That's why reading is a good idea, and it's also why it's important to think about your own thoughts and ways of thinking more. The most convenient source of support in life and the source of strength that can provide timely support is the sincere advice of family members who love you or friends and benefactors who care about you.

So, having written this, I want to tell people like the original poster and those of us who are prone to allergic reactions like us: when you encounter countless problems that trouble you, don't rush to negate yourself. Instead, give yourself a pep talk, give yourself free rein, and if the result is good, keep facing difficulties head-on to affirm your own value. If you really have an allergic reaction, you can just laugh it off and tell everyone, including yourself, "Isn't it just a simple matter? As for saying this about me?"

He gave a little wave and let it pass. We can't be perfect while we're living, but we should at least be a little carefree so we don't let ourselves down, right?

Wishing you the best!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm a pretty modest and unassuming person, and I try to stay true to myself.

From what you said, I can tell you're pretty hard on yourself, and I can also see that this is making you sad.

We all make mistakes.

If you mess up, own up to it and fix it. If you don't, be even more careful.

As you mentioned in your description, when doing the nucleic acid test, you judged the specific situation based on past experience, which resulted in being asked by the medical staff to wait in line. You argued with the medical staff on the surface, but afterwards you blamed yourself. In fact, misjudging the situation is just making the same choice as you have made in the past based on the situation. We are just using habitual thinking, and habitual thinking is just like this, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you are wrong.

Inertia thinking is a mistake that many people make when thinking about and viewing problems. It's just human nature. As long as we don't cause trouble for the people around us, it's not a big deal. So, there's no need for the questioner to be overly critical of themselves.

If we make a judgment based on the specific situation and it's obviously wrong, and we make adjustments after being corrected by others, that's fine. We can then move on from the matter.

As for how others see you, most people forget about it after the fact. So, don't worry about it too much.

Here's how to adjust your mentality.

It's normal to feel a bit uncomfortable or worried when we're the focus of attention. We might focus on the results, imagine things, think that everyone is looking at us, feel embarrassed and ashamed. It's totally normal to have these concerns and emotions. After all, there aren't many chances to become the focus of attention in daily life, so we should accept this feeling.

Once you've accepted it, try to see the other side. You're proud of it, but others might not think the same way in the future. That means fewer mistakes, which means less work for the medical staff. Think about it that way and see if you can accept it.

A fish has a memory of only seven seconds. Most people just let go of things that don't concern them and don't care too much about them. So on this point, you must be okay with yourself before others can be okay with you. If you can be tolerant of yourself, you can be more tolerant of others, and it's really not a big deal.

Wishing you the best.

Hello, question asker!

Seeing your problems is like seeing your own shadow. If someone points out even the smallest thing, you feel you can't hold your head up. You feel you've lost face, but there's no way to attack the other person. So you turn back and attack yourself. You hate yourself for not being able to handle such a small thing. You hate yourself for being so insensitive. You hate yourself for not being able to judge the situation.

After self-flagellation, you feel even more like the person you accused yourself of being: someone who doesn't deserve to be treated well by others. You become more and more at a loss as to what to do in future situations. The more you fear, the more awkward you become, fulfilling your own curse.

This is what psychologists call a "self-fulfilling prophecy."

This "prophecy" can be broken. There are two ways to approach it.

First, understand why you are so afraid of being told off.

People make mistakes. It's normal. Even if you're right, it looks wrong to others. Being told off for doing something wrong isn't the end of the world.

This may be true, but when something specific happens to you, your own feelings make it impossible to avoid it. So, you need to ask yourself: why are you so afraid of being told off?

The reasons are clear: your environment taught you that 1. it is very embarrassing to do something wrong, and 2. as long as you do not meet "their" standards, you will be asked to reflect on yourself.

You must take responsibility for your actions. People will criticize you if you don't meet their standards, but that doesn't make you bad.

This then becomes your inner belief, and you believe it wholeheartedly, never questioning it.

Consequently, when you encounter a similar situation, your internal fear will trigger your emotions, making you involuntarily fall into previous patterns and unable to extricate yourself.

The reason may also be (2), that you have a somewhat high "persona" of yourself. You have a sense of pride (this is not a derogatory term; we all need pride and recognition of ourselves), and you cannot bear the thought of "losing face" in front of others.

Let's be clear: pride, or self-esteem, is not about true pride and recognition of yourself. It's about fragile self-esteem that depends on external evaluation. External criticism breaks this fragile self-esteem and strikes at your ego.

However, reasons (1) and (2) are not entirely separate. They are intertwined as cause and effect.

Second, you must take action to break the prophecy. The basis for this action is our perception, so take three steps:

(1) Understand that everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are not the end of the world. If you make a mistake, correct it. If not, be more diligent. Focus your energy on learning from your experiences. Don't waste time regretting and blaming yourself.

(2) Give up false self-esteem and build real self-esteem. Identify your strengths and record them. These will form the foundation of your true self-esteem.

(3) Give up your high "persona," return to real life, let go of narcissism, and stop worrying about being watched and remembered by others.

Think about it. If you see someone being insulted on the street, how long will you remember that person and the incident? Even if it's a friend or colleague you know well, how long will you remember what happened to that person? The answer is not long.

This is true for familiar people, let alone strangers!

As the saying goes, "As long as I'm not embarrassed, it's someone else who is." Here's a gift for you!

"Comedians" win attention by making fools of themselves. We should learn from them and make others laugh at our embarrassing moments! The greatest humor is to laugh at yourself!

It's easier said than done, but you can do it. Increase your self-awareness so you know when you fall back into old patterns and can quickly pull yourself out to stop the damage in time!

Take action, and you will find hope.

You've got this!

You must understand that some things are not your problem. Stop blaming yourself! This state of mind is likely a legacy of being blamed or manipulated and over-evaluated in the past. You are also quite sensitive inside.

You can also feel your various thoughts in your heart, as well as the various thoughts and opinions of other people. When you take a nucleic acid test, you are accused by others just for taking a small step forward. This situation is ridiculous. You are just naturally filling in the gaps.

You didn't do anything extreme, and you didn't do it on purpose. This is normal. To make everyone more efficient, it's okay to fill in for each other. Of course, you need to explain.

The comments made by others have made you worry, and you should consider the situation.

It's only natural to defend yourself, but remember that others may have a different perspective. If they come across as harsh, it doesn't mean they don't respect or understand you.

Let me be clear: you are not breaking the law. You were simply doing something that others might have done at that time. These are just minor infractions. You should not be too harsh on yourself because of these minor infractions. In fact, you can release your fears and stress, and you don't need to be too harsh on yourself.

I strongly recommend that you read some healing books in this era full of right and wrong and uncertainty. This will help you to balance your inner thoughts and the outside world. I suggest the following books: "Starting Over Today," "Don't Let Life Drain Your Beauty," "Self-Consistency: Looking Within in Uncertain Times," and "Why I Only Remember You: How to Create Happy Memories." Good luck!

What is the question?