I've been dating my boyfriend for a long time, but I have very low self-security. How can I overcome this psychological issue?

Good day, Sir.

From your expressed views, it is evident that you experience a sense of insecurity. There are numerous reasons for an individual to lack security in an intimate relationship. One of the key topics I intend to address with the original poster is the phenomenon of projecting the object of an intimate relationship into an idealized parent figure.

Part 1:

In relationships, individuals frequently exhibit childlike behaviors, projecting their inner needs onto their partners and expecting them to fulfill those needs in the same way that parents do.

If the other person is able to meet my needs, I experience positive emotions such as happiness, joy, and gratitude. Conversely, if the other person is unable to meet my needs, I feel negative emotions such as resentment, anger, and a tendency to blame others. However, these emotions are not typically expressed in an adult context.

During childhood, the fundamental need is to receive care, attention, approval, and connection from parents. This is the basis of the experience of being loved.

If, upon reaching adulthood, one still desires to receive the same kind of love that parents bestow upon their children, it indicates that there is still an unresolved aspect of one's psyche that has not matured.

This raises the question of whether this is also a significant motivation for entering into a relationship.

This process allows us to gain a deeper understanding of the nature of intimate relationships.

The process of forming and maintaining relationships allows individuals to gain insight into their own selves and identify aspects of themselves that require connection, healing, and integration.

Furthermore, through the partnership, one can facilitate the process of becoming more complete.

It is unreasonable to expect a partner to address one's own emotional wounds.

It is important to recognize that the partner also has their own wounds and is also learning to grow and take care of their own wounds. If they have not fully grown up and are unable to heal themselves, they will be unable to take care of your wounds.

At this juncture, it is common to experience feelings of disappointment, misunderstanding, and hurt. Without realizing it, individuals may unconsciously close themselves off once more. When this occurs, feelings of loneliness emerge, and individuals tend to complain and blame others, thereby perpetuating a vicious cycle within the relationship.

It is therefore essential to be able to perceive this in a relationship: this is my pain, this is my longing and need for growth, and I must take responsibility for my own needs and longings.

This is my pain. I am confident that I am more aware than anyone of my needs, the depth of my pain, and the positive motivation underlying them.

Once one is able to assume responsibility, to listen to the inner voices, to care for oneself, and to utilize the wisdom, abilities, and resources of the mature age to address the previously unaddressed needs, one can then open up in relationships. This is because one has learned that the pain will not overwhelm, that one can open up in relationships, and that one has the ability to care for oneself.

I attend to my needs.

I am capable of healing my wounds.

One is responsible for creating one's own life experiences.

This is indicative of an individual's emotional maturity.

If each individual is able to perceive this and bring the resources and wisdom of their mature age to the wounded places of their growth, where resources are lacking, they can grow to their full potential and enter relationships with their whole, mature selves, rather than as two wounded children demanding love from each other.

It is a fundamental tenet of human existence that one must enter into a relationship with oneself before entering into a relationship with the world.

When an individual enters a relationship with their complete self, their presence facilitates the partner's development into their optimal self.

It is a common occurrence for individuals in relationships to engage in heated debates, level accusations at one another, and subsequently end the relationship and then resume it due to their intense dislike of certain personality traits in their partner. These traits, however, are often reflections of aspects of themselves that they find difficult to accept. They then erroneously assume that if their partner were to alter these traits, they would experience a sense of improvement.

Nevertheless, insisting that a partner alter their behavior will neither facilitate change nor enhance the quality of the relationship. Instead, it will impede one's ability to relax in the relationship and to recognize and address their own unmet needs.

In intimate relationships, it is inevitable that one will experience frustration and hurt. These repressed needs and unaccepted parts are now part of my life journey. They require my embrace, my listening, and my integration into the larger whole of life. In this state of wholeness, there is no war; instead, there is peace and quiet love.

Part 2:

What is the appropriate course of action in this situation?

The ability to love oneself, others, and perceive the beauty and peace of life is not innate. Rather, it is a skill that requires significant practice and the ability to adjust one's neurological filters.

1. It is recommended that you practice more in order to return to the body's center.

When negative emotions arise, it is beneficial to identify the physical location where they manifest. Gently touching the area with the hand and directing the breath to that place can facilitate the acknowledgment of the emotion. Affirmations such as "I see you," "I feel you," "I accept you," and "I love you" can be used to express acceptance and compassion.

2. Gently grasp positive intention and expand one's awareness to encompass a broader field of possibilities.

"What I most desire to establish in my intimate relationships is..." From a place of centeredness within the body, open oneself to the world with intention.

3. Adopt a creative stance towards any person or thing.

It can be reasonably deduced that all experiences encountered during the course of one's lifetime can be utilized in a constructive manner to facilitate the creation of a future characterized by perpetual existence. It is therefore evident that the individual in question is a meaningful entity, and that it is their purpose to facilitate the emergence of a new being into the world.

It can be argued that only when the body is relaxed and open can healing and growth occur.

This is a practice that should be engaged in throughout one's lifetime and is a fundamental requirement.

Upon the realization of the practice, one may truly experience this.

One's connection with the self is a primary determinant of one's connection with others.

The discrepancy between my self-perception and my external reality is the distance between myself and the world.

The degree of self-love is reflected in the degree of love for others.

An individual can only provide to others that which they themselves possess. It is not possible for an individual to provide to others that which they do not possess.

When we acknowledge and accept with such compassion and empathy, we find that our hearts relax. When struggles no longer exist, we experience peace.

Every intimate relationship represents an arrangement of life that enables us to enter into a relationship and discern, through our partner, those unmet needs and unhealed wounds within us that have emerged during our growth process.

Our partner provides us with a mirror image of ourselves.

Once we have achieved personal growth and are able to address our own needs, we can become more complete individuals. In this context, we can view our partners as sources of support and gratitude, recognizing that their presence has played a pivotal role in our journey of self-discovery and development.

Hello, host! I'm smiling!

After reading your description, I have a better understanding of the question you want to ask, so I'll give you a hug in the fourth dimension!

From your description, I can tell that you're already aware of and understand the problems you have. That means you're already on the path to solving them!

Regarding the problem you mentioned in your description, I have some ideas that I think will help you! The reason why you have a low sense of security may also be related to the original family you grew up in. This is because the intimate relationships in the original family you grew up in were not very healthy. Therefore, in your current relationship, because you do not experience too much security, you may even experience that the people you care about will eventually leave you.

As you grow up, you become overly concerned about your intimate relationships. This is a natural part of life! You might even become afraid that you will eventually lose them. So you become very nervous and want to hold the relationship in your hands, not letting it deviate even the slightest.

But having said all this, you still need to understand that the sense of security you need is only excellent if you give it to yourself. The sense of security you want from others cannot truly satisfy the sense of security you want – so it's time to focus on you!

But here's the thing: when you place too much security in others, it can lead to having too many expectations of this person. You might even find yourself hoping that he'll do this or that. But here's the catch: this person is also an independent individual with his own thoughts and his own life. That means what he does might not fully meet your expectations, and there might be some resistance.

I've also put together a few handy tips to help you out! I really hope they help you out in some way. ?

(1) You can communicate with your boyfriend and say what you want to say to further relieve your emotions! Don't suppress too many emotions in your heart.

(2) Set some boundaries! It's important to remember that your boyfriend has his own life and space, too. He doesn't need to be controlled by you.

Absolutely! You can talk to friends or family members with whom you get along well, express your problems, and further release the emotions in your heart.

(4) Relax and take things slowly, and don't put too much pressure on yourself. You've got this!

(5) Trust your boyfriend! If he loves you, he won't do anything to hurt you. So just relax and stop worrying about things that haven't happened yet.

(6) You are just worried that your boyfriend will betray you, but it hasn't happened yet! So, don't worry too much, but rather accept your current feelings and thoughts.

If you can accept the worst thoughts, just think of what you can accept!

The world and I love you so much! ?

All the best!

Hello!

I'm Hua Er, your counselor. From what you've said, it seems like you have a low opinion of yourself. You don't have many friends, you don't feel like you're important, and you may feel a bit lost and inferior inside. You're not satisfied with yourself.

It's natural to feel unhappy when you see your boyfriend socializing with the opposite sex. We all want love to be exclusive and possessive, and we want to be the most important person in the other person's heart! We want the other person to only have eyes for us.

He's been up to all sorts of things with girls. I'm not sure if your boyfriend has done anything else like that, and you might need to find out. I'm not sure how long you've been dating.

He's been up to all kinds of things with girls. I'm not sure if your boyfriend has done anything else like that, and you might need to find out. I'm not sure how long you've been dating.

Once you've had a chance to chat with each other and get to know each other better, it's important to feel safe and trust each other. From what you've said, it seems like you have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, you love him, but on the other, you're not sure about him. You might even be a bit suspicious of yourself.

When you think about or face the various situations he may have with the opposite sex, that kind of worry and fear can make you lose your temper or get angry. It's natural to feel this way, but it's important to remember that your heart doesn't want to do that either! But the feeling of being afraid of losing him and the fear of being abandoned can make you lose control of your emotions.

How can you overcome this? Here are a few ideas to share with you:

1. Talk to the other person about how you feel when he interacts with other people of the opposite sex. Share your disappointment, sadness, and anger. At the same time, express your care and love for him. Of course, you also need to confirm that the other person loves you, that he cares about your feelings, is considerate, and will think of you. You need to go back and find these experiences in your relationship.

Because love is a two-way street.

2. Do things that interest you, that boost your self-confidence and self-worth, that make you happy and fulfilled, that allow you to take care of yourself and show you love in a way that satisfies you. I don't know about your work, your income, whether you have friends, etc. One thing is for sure, though: loving yourself is an unchanging fact.

3. If you often feel angry and irritated, but don't want this to happen, you can, if you wish, go to a counselor who can help you understand and improve this state that makes you feel pain.

I hope these tips help you out a bit. Best wishes!

It is important to understand that in any relationship, the individual who is less confident or more introverted will always display signs of insecurity. The extent to which this is evident may vary from person to person. It is crucial to recognize that your lack of security will not necessarily lead to a relationship crisis. Instead, it will only serve to increase your inner tension.

Let us examine the reasons behind your lack of confidence. There are two primary factors contributing to this issue.

1. Believing that one is not an optimal fit. If one's qualifications and experience exceed those of one's partner, what will one's state of mind be like?

If you believe that he is honored to be your boyfriend and that he will never find a girl better than you, you may still lack a sense of security.

The answer is an unequivocal "no." This sense of superiority derived from being superior to others will provide an individual with complete confidence.

Let us examine the underlying causes of this phenomenon. The fundamental issue lies in the human tendency to compare.

It is a common misconception that superior performance is a guarantee of continued loyalty. In fact, there are numerous examples in business where individuals with superior skills or qualifications have been replaced by those with a more diverse skill set.

It is evident from numerous instances in life that in the context of relationships, favourable circumstances alone are insufficient. Many individuals who become involved with their partners' rivals are not necessarily superior to them. Consequently, once this is understood, will there still be a sense of insecurity if a more attractive or more successful individual approaches your partner?

It is important to understand that as long as the relationship is sufficiently robust, it will be able to withstand external pressures. Therefore, seeking security should come from within.

Secondly, you do not trust your partner sufficiently. If he loves and cares for you unconditionally, you will not be concerned about which girl is contacting him or becoming overly familiar, as you believe his heart is fully occupied with you and he is not interested in anyone else.

As a result, even if a woman approaches him, you will not feel threatened. Once this point has been clarified, it would be beneficial to consider why he has not gained your trust.

It is important to consider whether the issue lies with the other person or with you. If it is the other person's problem, it may be helpful to have an open and honest conversation to see if they are willing to make changes to the relationship.

If the issue is your own, you must learn to be generous and relieved.

Finally, we will address the topic of how to achieve a sense of security.

Firstly, it is important to continually develop and enhance your skills and abilities.

This improvement encompasses not only the enhancement of abilities but also the expansion of one's emotional intelligence, enabling a more objective and rational approach to life. A robust emotional foundation will make a woman increasingly attractive.

It is important to note that after a significant period of time, some external conditions may be overlooked due to the initial understanding and awareness of one's qualities. Through consistent interaction and a deepening of the relationship, individuals can gradually discern the unique value that they bring to the table, leading to a growing affinity and admiration from their partner. To illustrate this point, consider how one's emotional support can be invaluable in moments of distress.

Additionally, you possess a sense of humor and are adept at fostering a positive and engaging atmosphere in your interactions.

Secondly, it is important to expand your social circle. While being introverted is not inherently problematic, it is crucial to avoid becoming an exclusive possession in a relationship.

If this pattern persists, it will result in a loss of independence and an increase in dependency on the other party. Consequently, if the other party fails to meet your expectations, you may perceive a lack of love and experience a decline in mood.

Therefore, regardless of the strength of our relationship, it is essential to maintain emotional independence. To achieve this, it is vital to open your heart and connect with a broader network of individuals.

It is important to avoid becoming isolated and to strive to be liked by everyone.

Demonstrating proficiency in typical interactions with the opposite sex will enhance your appeal to others. As you gain the attention of an increasing number of individuals of the opposite sex, your partner may also experience a sense of competition.

Simply be yourself, and he may immediately disregard the other women in his life and focus more on you.

In conclusion, it is important to note that security does not originate from external sources, but rather from within. At times, the things we value can be likened to sand in our hands, easily lost or slipping through our grasp.

If you hold on too tightly, you run the risk of losing what you're holding on to. Therefore, moderation is the key to achieving a state of happiness.

Do not allow concerns about security to affect your emotional state, as this will not only impede the progress of your relationship but also place undue pressure on the other person.

It would be prudent to adopt a more proactive approach and face the challenges head-on. It is important to recognise that what is yours will remain yours, while what is not, cannot be retained regardless of one's efforts.

It is essential to strive for personal growth in order to align ourselves with the expectations of those who care about us.

Hello there, question asker!

It's so sad to see that the questioner often quarrels with her boyfriend because she feels insecure. She really wants to change and overcome this mentality.

Let's start by getting all your information together.

It's totally normal to feel insecure sometimes!

It seems like you don't have many friends in your circle.

You just want to keep your boyfriend close to you at all times, sweetie.

It's totally normal to feel unimportant sometimes. We all have our ups and downs!

It's so sad! He had something with a girl in the past, which makes her distrust him.

When you're feeling angry, it's totally normal to quarrel with him and cry.

If he doesn't come looking for you for a long time, you might get a little upset, sweetie.

Your boyfriend is great with the ladies and has a ton of friends. He loves adding new people on WeChat and chatting with them.

You two love each other, and you want to change yourself and go on with your boyfriend.

I really think you can try the following methods, and I truly hope they will be of some help to you.

It's totally normal to have different interpersonal relationships than your boyfriend. It's okay if you don't have as many friends as he does! There's no need to rush to expand your circle of friends. First, focus on maintaining your current relationships, getting in touch with your friends more often, and enriching your life. This will help you reduce the amount of attention you pay to your boyfriend, so you won't feel the need to keep him by your side all the time. You'll also be able to feel your own value in social interactions.

It's totally understandable to feel this way! Your boyfriend has done something in the past that makes you distrust him, so you are resistant to his WeChat exchanges with female friends. At the same time, you firmly believe that you love each other very much and want to go on with the relationship. You can adjust your mentality and objectively and correctly view his current friendship status. Just accept things as they are and don't make bad associations. If there is really something unacceptable, communicate directly with the other person to clarify the facts.

It's totally normal to feel a little frustrated when someone you're interested in hasn't contacted you in a while. It can be hard to know how long "a while" is, whether it's a few hours or a few days. It's also not always easy to understand what someone means when they say they're not taking the initiative. It could be anything from sending a WeChat message to talking to you or calling you. The best thing you can do is try to make these vague descriptions more specific and then communicate with the other person. This will help them understand what you want and hopefully reduce any conflicts.

You're not alone on this journey. Sending you lots of love and best wishes!