Lack of learning ability How can people who don't like to think change appropriately?

Hello, I'm Teacher Yuxin. I just read your description and I can tell you're really happy and feel like your relationship is going to last forever. I'm so happy for you! I just wanted to let you know that having and maintaining an intimate relationship is a really special thing.

I'm so sorry to hear you're worrying about your husband's career prospects. It seems like you have this idea that people who are good at learning and thinking are not limited in their thinking and will have a better future.

I'm not sure if you agree with this, but if you do, I'd love to know how this view was formed. Understanding the process of how our perceptions are formed is a great way to understand ourselves, as well as a wonderful process of self-expansion.

On the other hand, I wonder if being a keen learner and a good thinker might be what you expect of yourself. Although you didn't mention it in the title, we often place our expectations and desires on those around us.

This way, you don't have to work hard to change. You just need to supervise and worry. If you can understand this, then you can explore it in more depth, examine the process of forming your expectations, and revise your self-concept.

In addition, you tried to understand your husband's current situation and analyze his relationship with his mother. I think you have a great psychological perspective on the problem, and I applaud you for that! I suggest that you also use a psychological perspective to view your relationship. If you can try to understand the process of your relationship with yourself, you will recover some of the psychological energy you have released outwardly, and thus feel peaceful and relaxed.

Hello! I understand your thoughts. Your husband's job has no technical content and he has no ability to resist risks. You are worried that he will lose his job in the future due to layoffs or other accidents.

Let's be real: A job like delivery is unstable. It's understandable that you want your husband to learn a skill for a better life. Most ordinary people don't like to learn and live a repetitive life every day.

You don't ask for much and you see your husband's good points. You know he cares about you, he can bear hardships, and he will respect you by approaching a technology he hasn't been exposed to before. You're happy in life, which is better than many families. Let's look at it from two points of view: whether your husband changes or not.

If your husband doesn't change, he'll continue working as a deliveryman. The good thing is that he likes this job, which gives him more freedom. No matter how tired he is after work, he's always happy when he comes home. This is important. A person who is happy after work and comes home in a good mood will affect you, right?

I believe it is more important to earn a little more than to work more. Many people earn a lot of money, but they are often absent from home. They come home with a cold face, which in turn leads to more conflicts.

The downside is that it is unstable. Don't worry about not having a job in the future if you don't have high financial expectations. Just work hard and you can earn a normal living. Your husband can find a job delivering food if he doesn't work in a factory. The rise of the e-commerce industry has caused some factories and distributors to fail, while creating positions for logistics couriers. The industry may continue to change, but there will always be jobs.

Your husband is not lazy, so there's no need to worry about work.

Your husband isn't willing to spend the time and effort to learn. You've tried to make him change, but you can't force him to drink. You can lead a cow to water, but you can't make it drink.

You need to make your husband change.

You can make changes yourself. Learn something and then share what you have learned with your husband. He will probably make some changes as well.

Learn about some other side businesses, either you or your husband can do them, to increase your ability to withstand risks. If something happens to your main business, your side business will become your main business—it's as simple as that.

Your husband doesn't have to change. Accept the result.

You are happy with your life, aren't you?

Kiss, I see you're confiding in me, and I understand your confusion. Let's explore this together!

1. It's not realistic to expect that you can come with your husband's problems and find a way for your husband to change through this little Q&A! You can't do counseling for someone else, so you need to adjust your mindset.

2. You know your husband's strengths and weaknesses very well, and you also know what you chose him for. You have been living together happily, and he also has a stable job now. However, delivering food makes you feel that he is not so stable. In today's world, people are becoming more and more lazy, and more and more people are ordering takeaways. Delivery is not a sunset industry, and it is not as simple as it looks. In fact, it also requires technical skills.

3. Don't expect others to enhance their competitiveness. Enhance yourself instead. You are also a member of the family. There is no longer any question that anyone in the family is the main pillar. Everyone should enhance their ability to earn money so that the family as a whole will be more resilient to risks.

4. Your husband loves you very much, and he's willing to try, even if he doesn't like or is good at it. You should adjust your perception of your husband, discover his areas of expertise, and then the two of you can figure out how to amplify this strength together. Don't waste time trying to compensate for weaknesses. Maximize your strengths and change your mindset.

5. Stay calm by thinking about what you want from your husband and what your husband wants from you. Put yourself in his shoes.

You may reference the above at your convenience. Thank you.

From the text, it appears that your husband is more astute than you are in discerning your aptitudes and limitations, as well as in comprehending the nuances of life.

My husband exhibits these characteristics. He displays a reluctance to engage in critical thinking and learning. Additionally, he appears to lack proficiency in and a genuine interest in a multitude of subjects.

This deficiency is directly correlated with his aptitude and methodology for generating income.

It is my hope that he will invest time in developing skills that will enhance his competitiveness. He respects my decision to pursue further education, but believes it is not a prudent choice.

He believes that an extended period of study is not a guaranteed path to success in the examination, and that it may also impede his ability to earn income. Additionally, he dislikes the factory environment due to the lack of vacation time and the prevalence of overtime work.

His sole pastime is automobiles, and subsequently, he opted to pursue a career as a deliveryman.

He is capable of tolerating adversity with remarkable resilience, and despite the demands of his schedule and the fatigue it induces, he maintains an optimistic demeanor upon returning home.

Additionally, he possesses numerous commendable attributes, and I am gratified by our relationship. I will not delve into the specifics.

These observations demonstrate that my husband is not someone who is incapable of critical thinking or learning. It is likely that the questioner is referring to the narrow sense of learning theoretical knowledge when they say that he "doesn't like to learn."

If your husband truly "does not like to study," he may be unable to accept your counsel. The same can be said of his capacity for critical thinking. If he does not think critically, how could he assert that "extended study does not guarantee admission to college, and that it also delays the acquisition of income"?

You are disinclined to work in a factory, where there are no holidays, you frequently work overtime, and you have minimal freedom.

Although the husband's shortcomings are perceived as equally as significant as his strengths by the questioner, it appears that the questioner still values his shortcomings to a greater extent. Otherwise, she would not have dedicated a considerable amount of time to analyzing them in detail, while summarizing his strengths with a concise phrase.

"I am very happy with him and we get along well. I will not go into details, but I am confident that our relationship will continue to flourish. I am an ordinary person with modest expectations. However, I do experience concerns about the future. Will my current approach to takeaways be sustainable? How can I facilitate change in him, given his limited perspective?"

"Or even if he does not alter his behavior, how might I maintain composure?" This appears to elucidate the rationale behind the questioner's preoccupation with her husband's "deficiencies" and her desire to rectify them.

The questioner's concern appears to be well-founded, yet upon closer examination, it is not supported by evidence. The risk of maintaining employment as a delivery person is comparable to that of remaining in a factory position.

In comparison, the delivery of food is preferable to the absence of holidays and the frequent practice of overtime. Furthermore, the factory life is not at all free, as it instills the perception that one is merely "living for oneself."

In contrast, many people nowadays lack the courage to live according to their own ideas. Unknowingly, they are all swept along by the tide to obtain academic qualifications, various certificates, and to compete for an illusory position that they ultimately do not believe they can achieve or that is not suitable for them. In this way, they can make themselves feel less anxious about the future.

In comparison, your husband displays a greater degree of courage, a reduced inclination towards fantasy, and a more pragmatic approach to life in the present moment, which manifests as a state of happiness. This quality is undoubtedly valuable.

Given your own happiness, you feel that you have even more reason to trust your husband. However, the questioner is worried and wants to change her husband. Perhaps the questioner is reluctant to believe that the current happiness can last.

One might venture to suggest that a certain reticence to fully embrace the momentary happiness is present.

It is my sincere hope that the portions of my reply that prove beneficial to you will be of assistance. Best wishes!

Hello!

The questioner wants to help her husband think better.

Learning about psychology can help you understand yourself. Sometimes you should avoid using new techniques and knowledge to evaluate your relationships, as this may cause problems.

As an observer, I'd like to share my thoughts on what I've read.

"My husband is like this. He doesn't like to think or study."

There are evaluations and dissatisfaction.

This will make others think he isn't motivated.

Then she looked at why her husband is like this and thought about her mother-in-law.

The questioner needs to know if you were compared growing up and how you reacted. There was a long-standing demand to be better than good.

Maybe her friends or relatives can help. Why is her husband a delivery person?

This paragraph is just my opinion.

I just want to help you see that not all opinions are helpful.

You love him. You will see that he is radiant. You will also affirm your choice in a spouse.

Do you see this?

Your husband won't lose his temper because he can't fulfill your expectations. That's his job as a husband.

He likes his job and goes to work happy.

In the competitive professional environment, few people are happy.

My husband is happy-go-lucky and finds meaning in his work.

Mechanical drawing requires a certificate, and his assessment delays making money. This shows that he has taken your preferences, the needs of the family, and respect for you into account.

If he doesn't cause family conflicts, it's because he loves you.

Everyone has their own way of being happy.

If you try to compete and stress about exams, you'll see how hard it is. Being a role model by achieving your own goals is one way to do it.

People have different aspirations.

When Qian Xuesen returned to China, he led the team in building a satellite. Some of his collaborators couldn't understand the calculations. Qian Xuesen was no longer the same person as when he was a professor in the United States. He understood that if he sat with everyone and figured out what they didn't understand, he and everyone else would be happier.

People who achieve great things also grow through change.

Men don't have to be good at arithmetic, and they don't have to be better than women.

Strengths and avoiding weaknesses is a smart mind. Being content is stability.

Good!