Lately, I often suffer from insomnia and am in a bad mood. How can an incompetent person avoid feeling inferior?

Hello, I'm Yi Ming, a heart exploration coach.

I'm Yi Ming, a heart exploration coach.

I get it. You've got a first-class degree from abroad, but you still feel weak and inferior.

I'm here for you!

I'd be happy to help you work through this. I hope it will be of some comfort and inspiration to you.

1. A new way of thinking about inferiority.

There's a saying that everyone is born with low self-esteem.

Austrian psychologist Adler believes that from an early age, people rely on their parents and the world around them because they feel powerless, incompetent, and ignorant, which leads to a sense of inferiority.

I've read a lot of interviews with successful people. From what I've seen, those who have achieved a lot and are well-liked often talk about feeling inferior when they talk about themselves.

Have you had a chance to think about this in a different way?

It seems like we spend our whole lives trying to find a balance between feeling inferior and feeling worthy.

As you mentioned, we "can't help but care about what others think."

We often judge our position in society based on what others think.

It's probably safe to say that we all compare ourselves to others.

But we can always look at it from a different angle.

Low self-esteem makes us feel uneasy.

We all want to be free of self-doubt.

Psychologically speaking, low self-esteem is basically a form of self-denial that mainly involves underestimating one's own abilities.

On the plus side, low self-esteem also helps us to identify our weaknesses and work on improving them.

If we think inferiority is bad, we'll do our best to get rid of it.

If you think there's a positive side to feeling inferior, try to see it as two sides of the same coin. Then we may become more confident.

The more we embrace our shortcomings, the more we'll gain confidence.

2. Comparisons just give us a frame of reference, not a win or loss.

As we all live in society, it's inevitable that we'll make comparisons.

Some people are already married with kids, while others have good jobs, etc.

In these comparisons, I realized that I'm actually pretty good at studying.

And you don't want to be judged that way by others.

We can use these comparisons to see the gap between where we are and where we want to be, rather than beating ourselves up easily.

Often, we're our own worst critics.

We tend to think that other people will think we lack practical ability, that our skin is not good, that we are not young anymore, and so on.

Are these mostly in your head?

There are some gaps, but we shouldn't feel bad about that.

When you come back to China after graduation, you have to adapt to the reality of work, which is different from what you learned in school. It's normal to have some setbacks.

It's normal to have some issues when you first start at a new job.

There might be some reasons why you're not socializing with others, like going abroad.

As they say, every flower blooms at a different time. Sometimes we shouldn't be too demanding.

It's a good idea to get to know the opposite sex.

We can try to think of other reasons for the situation, such as other people's success is not our own failure.

Take a moment to consider a few reasons for the current situation. Don't be too hard on yourself.

It's normal to have some weaknesses, but you can work on them and improve.

The more you accept yourself, the more you can achieve.

I'd highly recommend reading "Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence."

3. Look for ways to achieve unconditional happiness.

As the book Change Starts from the Heart says, there are three kinds of happiness: competitive happiness, conditional happiness, and unconditional happiness.

When we compare ourselves to others, we're actually experiencing what's called "competitive happiness." This is a lower state of mind.

We tend to feel satisfied when we compare ourselves to others.

If we feel like we're at a disadvantage in comparison, it's easier to undermine our self-confidence.

If we set our happiness to meet certain conditions, it's conditional. Things like getting married at a certain age or having a good job, for example.

We only feel happy when the conditions are right.

The good news is that we can actually be happy without conditions.

Be able to take everything that happens outside in your stride.

Accept life and yourself for what you are, without getting into conflict.

And make the necessary adjustments, don't deny yourself, and treat life as an experience.

The more we adopt this mindset, the higher our self-esteem will be and the more our abilities will improve.

Because you're your own biggest cheerleader.

Take your time to explore this for yourself.

Believe in yourself, believe that setbacks are just temporary, and make the most of them as opportunities for growth.

Best of luck!

Dear Topic Author, It is a pleasure to meet you in person through your words!

After carefully reading your post and your confusion, I feel a mix of anxiety, unease, frustration, confusion, and even other complex emotions. Although the description is rather scattered, it also reveals a lot of information. I would like to try to sort out your feelings from my perspective and see if I can see a reflection of yourself.

Your parents were very supportive of your academic pursuits. You don't feel particularly gifted in this area, and you've achieved some good results in your profession through hard work. However, you'd like to be seen as someone who can apply their knowledge in a practical way.

Upon returning from your studies abroad, you may find that securing employment is more challenging than anticipated. The skills and knowledge you gained abroad may not be fully aligned with the practices in China, which could create a sense of disconnect in adapting to the professional landscape.

You have been considering employment since your graduation project, as you are eager to contribute financially from an early stage in your career.

You invested a great deal of time and effort into your work during the trial period, with the hope of completing it as soon as possible. However, the outcome did not align with your expectations.

Recently, you were unfortunately forced to leave your job and look for another one. You feel somewhat confused about life. You wonder why you can't live up to the usual standards in society, why you can't get married and have children at the right age, and why you can't earn money at work.

I wonder how you feel after reading some of the above reflections. It seems that life presents challenges, that things don't always go as planned, and that expectations aren't always met.

If you are feeling unhappy, lost, or have insomnia, it might be helpful to ask yourself some questions.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why I am studying and why I am working.

Could I ask whether I should take each step of my life in the usual way, according to social standards, in order for it to be worthwhile? Do you feel that you like the job you are doing?

I don't believe there is a single, universal answer to the above question. However, it seems that you may be carrying the hopes and judgments of others in your life, and that the monotony of life is exhausting and has suppressed many of your needs and emotions. With that in mind, I would like to offer you the following advice:

1. It's important to remember that there are differences between domestic and foreign cultures, and that any job requires an adjustment period. It's natural to feel disappointed when a job doesn't work out, but it's also worth exploring different types of work to find what you enjoy and where your strengths lie. After all, you're still new to the workforce, and employers will value your attitude and willingness to learn more than your specific skills and experience.

2. It might be helpful to talk more with your family and friends about your thoughts and feelings, explore together the many possibilities of life, and go out more to meet friends and release your anxiety and unease.

3. It would be beneficial to address the issue of insomnia. Long-term insomnia can have an impact on one's health. You may wish to consider incorporating meditation and relaxation exercises into your routine. If it is feasible for you, I gently suggest exploring the practice of yoga with an emphasis on breathing techniques to help you relax. To shift your current state, it might be helpful to focus on improving your sleep.

4. I can see that you have many strengths, including being hardworking and achieving good academic results. I believe there are still many more merits in you that can be explored. Perhaps you could try giving yourself more affirmation, which might give you more energy to take a new step.

You're still young, and there are so many possibilities in life!

Hello!

I'm sad when I read your words. You're not "unable." Someone truly unable would not have graduated with a first-class degree. You're also lucky to have parents who love and support you.

I don't know the situation, but it seems like your parents don't pressure you. Your pressure comes from within.

Lower your expectations and accept reality.

Who says studying abroad is the only way to success? Most people are just ordinary people who have worked hard to get to where they are.

Even Su Yiming has been training for over ten years.

You've done enough! Take your time with the rest.

You also need time to know yourself, understand yourself, and build a stable sense of self-worth.

Inferiority comes from a lack of inner resources.

You have a lot of friends, a husband, and a job. You seem to have nothing to compare yourself to, but you are still a gem.

There are endless possibilities. You don't have to envy those people. They're losing their spark.

Many people have trouble balancing work, family, and their own lives. But you don't have to be like that.

It takes time to improve your inner self. Let go of what holds you back and release your inner energy to become radiant.

Take action and make changes based on reality.

1. You need to solve an emotional problem. Recharge your energy and sense of worth. Otherwise, you may still attract this treatment and feel this way when you enter the next company.

2. Understand your emotions. Read "Falling in Love with Bad Emotions." Read more about "Embracing a Wonderful Self" and "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist." Toad was depressed and unhappy. He went to see a psychologist and made changes. He found happiness again and broke free from his family.

Live your life. You can grow with toads and talk to eagles.

You can also read Adler's classic, "Inferiority and Transcendence."

3. Exercise more. Run a little each day to relieve stress and improve your mood.

I hope my answer helps. I love you!

Hello!

When I saw your title, "How can someone who is incapable not feel inferior?," I was really curious to find out just how incapable you really are to think this way. As I continued reading, I realized that you have so many amazing abilities! Maybe you haven't noticed them yet, or perhaps you have extremely high standards for yourself, which is why you've come to the conclusion that you are incapable. We can discuss this together to see if it can help you gain a better understanding of yourself.

Let's take a closer look at the problem together.

1. I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling with insomnia and a bad mood recently. It's totally understandable that you want to go to bed early because your skin is not good and you are not young anymore.

I must admit, I don't usually take much care of myself. I recently quit my job and am looking for a new one. I was fired from my company and am in the process of arbitration.

It's totally normal to feel a bit confused when you're going through a lot of changes. It can be hard to keep up with what's going on around you, especially when you're not quite sure where you fit in. It's okay to feel this way! You're not alone. Many people feel this way at some point in their lives. You see everyone around you getting married, dating, and working to earn money.

It's totally understandable that you want to follow social standards and get married at a certain age and have a better job.

It's totally normal to feel down, have trouble sleeping, and have bad skin when you're going through a rough patch. And it's okay to feel confused about life when you're facing a layoff. We've all been there!

I'm wondering if it's okay to say that you want to live according to social standards, but there is currently a gap between yourself and those standards, which leads to a series of problems that make you feel bad?

2. I don't want to be told that I'm just good at studying. (And I'm not particularly smart, I just work hard to get good grades in my major.) You often feel worthless, and I totally get it.

I have to admit, I'm a little envious of my friend when she lands a job at a big company. I think about how long I studied abroad, how much money it cost my parents, and how much time I spent on it.

But you feel like you can't even find a job that pays an average salary, which I know can be really discouraging.

You're a great reader, but I think you can be more than just a good reader. You've achieved good grades in your profession, but you only attribute this to hard work. You must be a modest person. "Feeling worthless all the time" means that your talents have not been discovered and you are not in the right job.

I can imagine that your friend's promotion to a big company will undoubtedly put pressure on you. I bet you're thinking about all the time and money you and your family have invested, and how the rewards just don't seem to match up. I can understand if you're feeling a bit of a psychological gap right now.

3. You used to work overtime until late at night at your previous company because you work in the design industry. You're new here, so you want to work quickly and pass the trial period. Things didn't go as you expected, though. You learned a lot abroad, but what you're doing in China is different. For your graduation project, you focused on finding a job, which is great! But the technology isn't very mature, so you can't finish what the company has set in one day.

As a newcomer, you are down-to-earth and willing to work hard, you work overtime diligently, and you try your best to perform well. You are great! As for things not turning out as you wish, there can be many reasons, and you cannot be blamed alone.

Moreover, there is indeed a difference between domestic and foreign demand, and you have adjusted your direction accordingly, which is really great! You're pragmatic and focused on making a living, which are qualities that many people entering and leaving the workplace do not possess.

— It's totally normal to feel like a technology is immature now, but that doesn't mean it will always be that way. And it's okay if it feels immature today, but that doesn't mean it will feel that way tomorrow. What you need now is to give yourself the space and time to grow.

You worked hard for those good grades in your major, and you can do the same for this!

I know you're feeling anxious, but try to give yourself more patience. With the amazing qualities you already have, I'm sure you'll be just fine in the future.

And now for my closing remarks!

I wish you all the happiness and joy in the world! May you overcome all obstacles and be invincible!

Please don't hesitate to send me a private message if you have any more questions!

Question asker:

Hello! I read your words carefully and I can relate to your situation. I understand how you feel.

This gap is actually pretty normal. Most domestic graduates, whether they're looking for a job or returning from studying abroad to work, have to face reality when it hits them. Ideals are abundant, but reality is harsh.

From what you've said, I get the feeling you still feel guilty about your parents. It seems like you feel like you've spent a lot of money on them and a lot of time and energy on yourself. It seems like you're caught up in feelings of guilt, remorse, and self-blame.

Guilt is a strong feeling of unease, shame, and guilt that someone feels they are responsible for an actual or imagined wrongdoing.

I think you might be feeling a bit down on yourself or guilty about your mistakes. Healthy guilt is a way of making sure you look out for other people's interests and emotions, and it also helps you to adjust your relationships with others so that you don't end up in unnecessary conflicts or disputes.

However, too much guilt, remorse, and self-blame are bad for your soul. They'll make you live with long-term stress, tension, and pain, which isn't good for your physical or mental health.

A philosopher once said, "Guilty people are people who live in the past. They don't experience the joy of the present, let alone dream of tomorrow. They are constantly reflecting on their mistakes and faults, trying to pay off their debts for their mistakes." I think this quote applies to your current situation.

I'd also like to suggest that you try to avoid taking on too much emotional responsibility and don't feel guilty about things you can't control.

Parents have a responsibility to raise their children. It's their job to raise you. They have the option to spend money to raise you, and it has nothing to do with you. This may seem selfish, but it's the truth. Parents spend money to let their children grow up and become contributing members of society, not to be repaid. Great parental love doesn't seek return, so you don't owe your parents anything, and you don't need to feel guilty towards them.

There's no need to beat yourself up over the past. It's tough to change what's done, and it's taken a long time. But that time wasn't wasted. You learned a lot, and you also learned about the harsh realities of the world.

Life will always teach you a lot of things you don't see, show you the harsh reality, make you stop daydreaming, let you know you're not as great as you think, make you re-examine yourself, and start again. This isn't a waste of time.

Your inability to work is caused by a gap between reality and ideals, and the psychological burden of comparing yourself to others. You put the burden on yourself. You've heard the saying, "In this world, it is actually yourself, not others, who hurts yourself. Everything is your own choice."

It's important to remember that nobody's perfect. When you see people or things that seem perfect, it's only your perception. When you're always comparing yourself to others, you're more likely to see your own shortcomings and less likely to see your own strengths. When you don't see your strengths, you're more likely to feel inferior and envy others, forgetting that you're also a valuable person.

So, what can you do about an inferiority complex? How can you get rid of it?

Correct understanding of inferiority

An inferiority complex is when someone feels bad about their own shortcomings, disadvantages, or perceived inferiority to others.

Everyone has an inferiority complex, but you don't see it. You only see the positive side of them and think they're great. In fact, they may be envious of you. The more you compare, the more inferior you feel. The more frustrated you get, the more you hear that true growth comes from comparing yourself to yourself and seeing the little progress you've made, without envying others.

People who seem confident are also people who can show their strengths, demonstrate their charm, and articulate their goals.

It's important to know yourself.

As the saying goes, "no one is perfect," and it's important to understand your own strengths and weaknesses, appreciate yourself, view yourself from a developmental perspective, know and accept yourself, plan your life reasonably, and find your true area of expertise.

What does it mean to view oneself from a developmental perspective? From a philosophical standpoint, things are constantly evolving and changing, and nothing stays the same forever. This applies to people, too. They have limitless potential for growth and development, and their personalities aren't set in stone. A person's character can also be shaped after birth, so don't underestimate yourself or think you're worthless.

??? Be your own cheerleader.

And encourage yourself. Setbacks are a fact of life. When you encounter one, don't give up easily. Adjust your mentality, don't panic when things happen, stay calm, think rationally and calmly about what you are suited for and what you are not, and get rid of the things you don't need.

Take a moment to appreciate yourself.

Success or failure in anything has both internal and external causes, and there are objective and subjective reasons. There are also uncontrollable factors in objective reasons.

Correct self-attribution helps you think about what you could do better next time, learn from your experiences, and get back out there with a fresh start.

If you attribute your failures to internal factors, you'll only make yourself more miserable. It's also not good for your health to dwell on your shortcomings for too long. And when you're caught up in negative emotions, it's hard to see things clearly.

???Enrich yourself

To enrich oneself means to enrich one's inner self with knowledge. It's important to have a strong spiritual world, a rich and colorful spiritual world, not just a material life with superior living conditions, eating well and dressing well. It's also important to be able to see the prosperity of the world and still be calm and peaceful, and view oneself with a calm mind.

The book says there's a golden house and a beautiful woman in it, and that reading can help you see new things. "Discover Your Talent" says that everyone has their own talent, but they haven't found it yet. It's important to learn to recognize your own preferences and interests. Your preferences and interests can hide your talent.

"On Human Growth" believes that everyone has the resources and energy to achieve their full potential. When you get to know yourself better and better, you also gain strength and confidence.

"Inferiority and Transcendence" uses the power of inferiority in a way that shows it's not so bad.

I'd recommend these three books. Which one do you think would be the best fit for you? Focus on reading that one!

I hope this helps and inspires you!

I hope you can overcome your feelings of inferiority soon!

Hello, I am Xin Tan, coach Fei Yun. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe the root of the problem you're facing lies in the area of self-worth. I would encourage you to read my article on the subject:

I believe that the root cause of psychological problems is this: a sense of worth affects happiness in life.

A great deal has been discussed here about self-worth. What are the reasons for a low sense of worth, and how might it be improved?

I believe that a person's self-confidence is closely related to their sense of value, and I hope that this will be helpful to you.

If I may, I would like to focus on the following point to discuss the problem that bothers you:

From what you've shared in your writing, it seems there might be a pattern in your thinking.

"I would like to... but..." and "Other people... but I..."

These feelings of self-doubt, self-doubt, and even a strong sense of unworthiness.

Everyone has their own inherent patterns, including patterns of behavior, thought, and emotional responses. These patterns influence how we interact with others, as well as with the people and objects around us.

Our thoughts influence our actions, and the repetition of actions can form habits. This means that our lives are often shaped by past habits. If you are not fully satisfied with your life and would like to make some positive changes, it might be helpful to consider breaking some of your less constructive habits.

Our thoughts influence our actions, and the repetition of actions can form habits. In other words, our lives are shaped by past habits. If you are not fully satisfied with your life and want to make positive changes, you may need to consider breaking some of your past bad habits.

However, it's important to recognize that attempting to change bad habits on your own may not be the most effective approach. It's possible that the more you try to change them, the more stubborn they become, and the more challenging it becomes to alter them. It's essential to understand that these patterns were formed because they served a purpose in the past.

It might be helpful to consider that the patterns you don't like and want to change have been useful to you in the past. Since they were useful, it could be beneficial to explore ways of easily changing them, perhaps by expressing gratitude for their usefulness and then moving on to more beneficial patterns.

If I may make a suggestion, I think these patterns are like a "fruit knife." It might be helpful to consider that the way to change is to first see the knife, pick it up, and put it in a safe place! When you need the knife, you can find it immediately and it can still help you.

If I may make a suggestion, I think these patterns are like a "fruit knife." It might be helpful to try the following approach: first, identify the pattern you'd like to change. Then, acknowledge its usefulness in the past. Finally, put the pattern in a safe place where you can easily find it when you need it.

And because you see it, it is not harmful to you.

This is what I believe to be the essence of awareness: seeing allows us to make a new choice, and in doing so, we become more free.

This is what I believe to be the essence of awareness: seeing allows us to make a new choice, and in doing so, we become more free.

It could be said that awareness is the key to change. After all, change often comes about as a result of making a new choice after seeing something in a different light. This suggests that the first step on the road to change is to "see."

You might like to consider trying the following two approaches:

1. Reflect on your past experiences. Consider how you have responded to challenges in the past, whether you have approached them with optimism or pessimism, and whether you have attributed them to yourself, others, or external factors.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to consider taking the initiative and starting with small things. Rather than waiting for a major disaster brought on by fate, you can make some new choices.

2. You might consider taking the initiative and starting with small things. Rather than waiting for a major disaster brought on by fate, you could make some new choices.

Life can be proactive. We all experience unpredictable changes in the weather and sudden misfortunes in people's lives. It's understandable that you may have passively endured past experiences, but now might be a good time to consider taking the initiative and breaking free.

It might be helpful to consider taking the initiative to change, break away from your old lifestyle, and allow yourself to make small changes and active choices within your capabilities. At this time, you may find you have more energy to "see" your patterns, and there may be more room for you to make choices.

I hope the above is helpful to you. The world and I love you.

Should you wish to continue communicating, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

First, figure out what you have and what you don't have.

For instance, what does it mean if you get a first-class degree?

It's tough to get a first-class degree from many universities abroad. The University of Birmingham, for instance, has only two A+ graduates in one faculty. Those who get it are at least very good at studying or writing papers.

If you think about it some more, the ability to write a thesis might show that you have strong logical abilities, an open mind, and so on. So, what did you use to get it?

Once you know the answer, you'll feel better and more confident.

What's missing to get the job done for the company? If it's professional skills, why don't you have them?

To sum up, you need to look beyond your own recognition and denial to really understand your abilities.

Once you know your strengths and weaknesses, you can use them to your advantage and see what you're really capable of.

Regarding your concerns.

The simplest answer is to find an environment that suits you, and you'll have fewer worries.

That said, if you want to make sure the environment is a good fit, you still need to figure out your own abilities. Otherwise, you'll be too passive and unable to make proactive choices.

First, take care of your own emotions. Let go of any long-held feelings, and then do some useful thinking before you get back to it.

I think you can recognize your own abilities, especially since you earned a first-class credit.

Here are some ways to recognize your abilities:

1. Take some time to think and evaluate yourself.

2. Take some professional tests.

3. Talk to a mentor about personal growth and career planning. You can learn more about yourself with the help of a counselor who is good at personal growth and career planning.

You can also get some direct answers from experienced HR pros and professional career planners.

Please accept this sincere hug.

My dear, I just wanted to say that you have already worked very hard.

First of all, from your description, it seems that you studied abroad and returned home with a passing grade. It's not uncommon for people who study abroad to not get a diploma.

From what I can see, you still have a lot to offer.

You may not be the smartest or most talented, but you still believe you work very hard. You are also kind and grateful to your parents.

In the process of job hunting, setbacks are an unfortunate but unavoidable part of the journey. Having failed the last trial period, you may be feeling a certain psychological burden. This can sometimes cause us to deform our movements, and it's understandable that the more you want to perform well, the more you may feel you're failing to do so.

It might be helpful to consider the athletes in the Olympic Games. They are all handpicked from thousands or even millions of people. They train hard enough, but they still make mistakes. One thing that sets apart those who become champions is that they learn from their previous failures and have the inner strength to adjust themselves and train even harder.

They have a goal in mind, and that is to win the championship.

You say you just want a job to get by. Is this a forced choice due to reality, or is this really what you expect of yourself? Perhaps setting a bigger goal would allow us to work harder.

If you aim high, you can achieve anything. It might be helpful to take a good look at yourself and see what your goals really are.

You mention that you admire your classmate for landing a good job, and her professional achievements also make you feel less confident in comparison. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that if she can do it, there's no reason why you can't.

Perhaps you could consider that, as classmates, you have the potential to succeed in the same way. It might be helpful to challenge the limitations you have placed on yourself.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider reframing your goals.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to identify your strengths and demonstrate them to the company, showcasing your value.

It might also be helpful to find people in the company who can help you adapt better to the company. This could be a colleague with better skills than you, or it could be a leader.

It would be beneficial to allow others to perceive that you are open to improvement and grateful. This could be a colleague with more expertise than you, or it could be a leader.

It would be beneficial to be open-minded, take the initiative, and avoid setting limits for yourself.

It's important to remember that your career is just beginning. Not everyone has an easy time of it, so it's natural to face challenges along the way.

I don't know you well, so these are just guesses.

The original poster's title, "Incompetent," makes me think you've been fired and feel especially lacking in confidence. It's also possible you've lacked confidence for a long time and being fired has increased this feeling.

You studied abroad, so I think you're pretty good at your job.

There are many differences between what we learn and what is needed in China. Newcomers will need to adapt, and they will be anxious, face setbacks, and have self-disapproval. These are common for new employees.

Staying in the workplace will help you deal with problems. It's similar to being abroad; you'll learn how to deal with it.

It'll be tough to find a partner or friends if you've just returned to China.

If you've never had an intimate relationship and you're struggling at work, you might need to see a counselor.

It's convenient to feel inferior. We can see the existence of various chains of social contempt just by comparing casually. We constantly hear news about people being urged to buy a house, a car, get married, have a child, and have triplets. It's clear that if you don't do the above four things, you've failed.

We often feel like failures, as if we don't belong here. We feel like the underdog, but we know that everyone else is successful, and we can be too.

I want to know what someone who is incapable can do to not feel inferior.

I often have insomnia, feel bad, and want to go to bed early.

Leaving a job and looking for a new one is confusing. Everyone around you is successful.

Quit.

Low self-esteem

You can also see that some of your friends are very good and have already got very good jobs. You know you can be the best, even though you work in the design industry.

The bitterness of comparison has taken root in people's hearts and requires vigilance.

Forget about comparisons and expectations.

You have a future to face.

You have your own plan and you're ready to take the leap and start earning a living. You know your shortcomings: you're not technically mature, you're not outgoing, and your English is not good. You can see your own inadequacies, and it's easy for them to make you feel inferior and uncomfortable.

The socialite's views are harsh but accurate. In the classic film If You Are the One, the heroine Xiaoxiao states, "I want to find a realistic boyfriend on a blind date because I lack realism and feel out of place in this world."

People in society are often too realistic, which kills vitality. Everyone wants the same things: a car and a house.

It doesn't matter if we can't afford to buy a house on our land or if there are still traffic jams on the road despite the restrictions on even- and odd-numbered license plates. Many people still have to buy three cars.

If you can't turn your abilities into reality, you will be ridiculed by others. This is a problem with the values of social trends, not you. Economic development can no longer bring us aesthetics and happiness. Many people are unhappy, but they dare not stop.

I refuse to slow down.

Other people will always have something to say. They'll judge you for everything. You have your own hard work and effort, which is very valuable. You must accept this and face it with strength. Take the inner animal archetype psychological test to understand yourself, accept yourself, and reduce unnecessary attention to opinions. You can do this. I wish you well.

What's the ZQ?

I've replied to your first two messages, so I have a pretty good grasp on your overall situation. I can also tell that since I first saw your first message, you've been in a process of relatively low pressure and self-regulation, which is great!

This process is not easy, but it is full of opportunities for growth and transformation. It can be challenging, but it is also an opportunity to learn and evolve. It can feel helpless and full of self-doubt, but it is also a chance to recognize your strengths and resilience.

This message is jam-packed with tons of great info! I'm excited to share some ideas based on your title that I think you'll find really helpful.

This message is packed with tons of great info! I'm excited to share some ideas based on your title that I think you'll find really helpful.

First, try to change the attribution of the recent negative events and find an exit from the quagmire!

When we label ourselves as "incapable," it's easy for our judgment of ourselves to be influenced by this label.

Of course, no one wants to actively label themselves with these terms. The various situations described in the comments can easily fill the individuals involved with a sense of frustration. But here's the good news! When this frustration is repeatedly polished and crushed by reality, individuals are prone to a phenomenon of "learned helplessness." And we can help them overcome it!

Let me quote the description of this fascinating phenomenon from the Baidu Encyclopedia, which sums it up brilliantly: it refers to the psychological state and behavior of a person who feels powerless when facing problems after experiencing failure and setbacks.

When a person attributes uncontrollable negative events or failures to their own intelligence, i.e., abilities, it can lead to a fascinating state of diffidence, helplessness, and depression. Self-evaluation decreases, motivation weakens to the lowest level, and a sense of helplessness arises.

When we feel helpless, it's natural to doubt our abilities. But there's a way to turn this around!

This forms a vicious cycle, and the good news is that the individual can make some adjustments at the source to break out of it!

This forms a vicious cycle, but there's no need to worry! The individual just needs to make some simple adjustments at the source of the vicious cycle to break out of it.

So, if we want to change the current situation and get rid of the shadow of inferiority, we should definitely try to attribute the uncontrollable negative events encountered during this period, such as "being fired" and "the person I like doesn't like me," to more comprehensive factors, rather than to our own lack of ability!

There are so many ways to attribute! That is to say, for the same external event, different interpretations will result due to the different perspectives of each individual.

There are so many ways to attribute! That is to say, for the same external event, different ways of interpreting will result due to the different perspectives of each individual.

The way a person interprets things is a relatively stable way of thinking, and is generally divided into two types:

1. Internal attribution This is where you take control of your own destiny!

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of attributing causes to ourselves!

2. External attribution This is where things get really interesting!

Let's explore how we can attribute the causes of events to external factors!

In either case, it's easy to become troubled. But here's the good news: people who generally attribute internal causes are more likely to attack and deny themselves.

The good news is that you can look for external influencing factors to help you better get out of the quagmire of self-denial.

You can do it!

Second, it's time to remove the label of "incompetence" and celebrate your small achievements!

The great news is that you can absolutely change this pattern! It just takes a long, conscious self-adjustment to improve.

So, why not start now? Find small examples of self-affirmation in your own life to help you focus more on your achievements!

It can be frustrating to think that you haven't achieved anything yet, especially at this stage. But don't worry! You will get there.

It's totally normal to feel this way. We're all used to seeing ourselves in a negative light, and it's not uncommon to have difficulty finding it for a while. But here's the good news: you can change it!

So, from the very beginning, go on a quest for small achievements! Make progress and attempts, little by little. For example, you can record that you repeatedly ask for help mentally. This stubbornness not to give up is very worthy of recognition! And even if you are fired, you don't just accept it. You actively seek a solution through arbitration!

Every day, record one, two, or even three of these amazing moments to help you see all the incredible things you have to offer!

Record one to three such small incidents every day to help you see the shining parts of yourself!

And finally, don't be afraid to ask for help from those around you. If you don't have anyone, go out and find someone who can support you!

From the message, we can also see that you are skeptical about the extent to which your parents can support you. But there's no need to be! Our lack of confidence in our abilities also affects how we think our parents view us.

You can take the initiative and talk to your parents about this if you like. It is actually very difficult for you to bear all this on your own, but you can do it!

It's a great idea to have someone you can trust and who can help you wholeheartedly!

If you're feeling anxious about talking to your parents, why not try finding a counselor to help you get through this together?

Wishing you all the best!

Hello? Question owner, I can tell you're feeling a bit helpless and confused right now. Let me give you a warm hug, okay?

1.

You mentioned that you're moving on from your current job and have experienced a range of situations. It's natural to want to meet social standards, but things don't always go as planned. Life has its ups and downs, and this challenge is just a small part of your journey!

2.

I know you're going through a rough patch right now. It's totally normal to feel down when you're facing some minor setbacks. But, have you ever thought about looking to some inspiring figures for a bit of motivation? I'm talking about Jack Ma's journey in searching for work and Wang Baoqiang's experience of playing bit parts. They've both faced similar challenges, and they've come out stronger for it. So, take a moment to reflect on their stories and let them remind you that you can overcome anything.

3.

Hey there! I just wanted to quickly share a little bit about what an inferiority complex is. It's basically when someone has a problem and they can't seem to adapt to it or find a way to cope with it. They tend to focus on the fact that they can't solve it, which is totally understandable! I think it's so important to remember that everyone has their own unique challenges and struggles. I'd love for you to check out this book called "Inferiority and Transcendence." It's a really interesting read and I think you'll find it really helpful! Or, if you're short on time, you can listen to it on Audible. Either way, I hope you find it useful!

The wonderful psychologist Adler lived with inferiority complexes since childhood, and encountered a lot of pain and ridicule. But that didn't stop him from making great achievements in the field of psychology!

4.

In a highly competitive society, it's easy to understand how feeling inferior can creep in. The great psychologist Adler once said that everyone has a sense of inferiority, just to varying degrees.

It's important to remember that low self-esteem isn't necessarily a bad thing. From a psychological perspective, it's actually a fundamental driving force that promotes the development of every individual. The key is how we deal with our low self-esteem.

5.

You've mentioned that you've been abroad before, which is a great advantage! We all face difficulties at times, but it'll take a little while to adjust when you return home. Take a deep breath and think about what you're good at, what you enjoy, and what you're suited to. Believe in yourself, because there are always more solutions than problems!

6.

It's totally normal to compare yourself to others. We all do it! But it's important to remember that you are your own person with your own unique strengths and qualities. In Chinese families, "other people's children" can sometimes feel like a harsh reality check.

When parents and outside voices tell you over and over again that you are not as good as others, those voices become your inner voices. I really think you should read the book The Power of Self-Growth. If you don't have much time, you can listen to it. Accepting your own imperfections will fill you with strength!

We're all imperfect, and that's okay! We're human, not gods.

7.

You have so much going for you! You have the self-awareness and ability to reflect, and you are aware of your inferiority and the desire to change it, so you are not far from breaking free from your own limitations! Without the burden of excessive thoughts, we will walk more easily.

You are not as bad as you think you are, and you are really great for trying to change!

8.

a,

Talk to someone you trust, or one of the listening therapists or counselors on this platform, and you'll feel so much better!

b,

Take some time for yourself and write down 10 of your own strengths and the things in your life that have made you shine and be proud of yourself. You'll be amazed at how good you really are!

c

It's so important to learn to compare yourself with yourself, not with others. There's a lovely saying that goes, "People are envious of each other, and goods are thrown away when compared."

We were actually very happy, but after comparing ourselves with others, that happiness may be gone. There are always people better than us, and there are always people worse off than us. But, we only need to compare ourselves with yesterday, and it is enough to say that today is better than yesterday, tomorrow will be stronger than today, and each day will be better than the one before. Ernest Hemingway said: "To be superior to others is not noble; the true nobility is to be superior to one's past self."

We all have room to grow! Compared to others, we just need to push ourselves a little harder.

d

Hey there! I just wanted to say, don't ever say "I can't." Say "I'll try."

I wish you all the best and hope that my sharing can bring you some help and inspiration. Come on, you can do it!

Greetings, host.

I can particularly empathize with your current state of mind, characterized by anxiety and confusion regarding career development and life in general.

Firstly, the topic of low self-esteem will be addressed.

In Adler's view, "Everyone is born with low self-esteem." Confidence, he believed, is acquired through experience, whether successful or unsuccessful.

When one is eager to undertake a task, one simultaneously exhibits both confidence and humility.

When we remain on the inferior side, even if it is a source of distress, it represents a familiar and reassuring position.

Upon receipt of the letter, even if it is unsuccessful, one has gained experience.

To illustrate, consider the following example: "Wanting to pursue someone you like."

Individuals with ordinary characteristics possess both a willingness to attempt new endeavors and a fear of failure.

By focusing on our willingness to take risks, we can overcome our natural inclination to avoid discomfort. While failure is inevitable when we venture beyond our comfort zone, the experience gained is invaluable.

When one continues to focus on the aspects of oneself that elicit fear, it is a regrettable but inevitable consequence that one remains within the confines of one's comfort zone. It is within this zone that one is unable to gain the invaluable experience of love.

Those with limited experience may find themselves in a prolonged state of inferiority.

[Return to the topic of abilities]

There is considerable variation in human abilities. Some individuals excel in a multitude of domains, while others exhibit limited proficiency in a single area.

However, abilities can be cultivated and enhanced. It is therefore recommended that you listen to or read "Growing Up for Life" and refrain from allowing your thoughts to impede your growth and development.

[Self-regulation]

You have invested a great deal of effort into reading and are now facing significant pressure.

It is recommended that an exercise that is well-suited to the individual's needs be selected.

It is recommended that you learn mindfulness walking, breathing, and mindfulness reading.

Furthermore, one should endeavor to gradually disengage from the state of anxiety.

[Career Development]

It is important to accept that one's life will inevitably experience periods of uncertainty and frustration.

It is beneficial to interact with individuals within one's own field and to observe the practices of those in different roles, as this can facilitate learning and growth.

My name is Amy, and it is my sincere hope that you will soon find resolution to the confusion you currently face.

Hi there,

I'm happy to be able to give you some advice.

From what you've written, I get the sense that you're a very filial child. You hope that your parents' efforts towards you will be rewarded, and you also hope to repay them with your good work and a good life in the future. They'll be really happy when they see you living a good life.

First of all, you're right about this thought, but maybe you're pushing yourself too hard, which is making you feel anxious and troubled. I can see from your description that you studied abroad before and learned a lot, but found that there aren't many places where you can use it after returning to China, and there's a gap in the meantime.

And from what I can tell, you just got back from China not long ago, right? You're eager to apply your previous studies to your current work, so you're serious and responsible about your work.

You really want to get the tasks they give you done on time or even ahead of schedule. But when you actually get to work, you realize that the tasks they assigned you may not be able to be done in the time you want to achieve this.

This makes you wonder if there's something wrong with your ability? Why did they assign you tasks that were clearly given to you according to the amount that could be completed in one day, but you were unable to do it?

Are you really as useless as you think?

I'd say that for a company, the tasks they assign to employees are likely to be completed in excess. If only a specified time and content are assigned, then it's likely that everyone will complete the task quickly because of the length of time and the efficiency with which each person completes the task. Some people will procrastinate, though, because they have plenty of time. Therefore, from the company's perspective, a large general task will be assigned to different positions and departments, and the amount of work involved can be said to be very large.

But can we break this big task down into smaller, more manageable goals so we can constantly move closer to our ultimate goal? When your leader assigns you a task, you want to not only complete it successfully but also do it ahead of schedule.

So you want to squeeze the remaining value out of yourself to stay in this company. But in reality, there's no end to work, and we can't predict what'll happen along the way.

We need to figure out what we're good at and what we're not. For this work, what content can we complete quickly and with ease?

And what requires a lot of time for constant thinking?

It's important to have a clear idea of our abilities so that when our leaders give us tasks, we don't blindly accept them all the time and end up overworking ourselves. Instead, we should be selective about which tasks we take on.

Then you might think that if we turn down the leadership's offer, we'll have less chance of staying in this company. In fact, that's not true.

Everyone has their own strengths, and those strengths can help the company develop well. If we take on every task without thinking, we may not do well at what we are good at, and what we are not good at may bother us. Wouldn't that mean our energy is not being developed and utilized?

Now that you've just returned to China, we need to get used to the pace of the workplace here and take some time to figure out how we're doing as a whole. We admire those around us who have joined big companies, but we should also figure out where our own strengths lie.

For instance, if you're a designer, there are plenty of ways to build on that skillset. It's worth broadening your horizons.

Or maybe you studied abroad and are good at a foreign language. You could use your language skills to find work as a translator or tutor while you're still looking for a suitable job.

It can help you out during this period while you slowly search for and adapt to the situation in the country. Plus, it can also help provide a source of income and help parents share some of the financial burden.

I think we can take a moment to think about our strengths and what we're good at. We can try each one and find the career direction that suits us best. This will also be really helpful for you in the future.

All the best to you!

If you want to keep talking, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll get back to you directly.

One Psychology Answering Questions Hall is a supportive community where I love the world and the world loves me. https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can really sense how you're struggling with feelings of inferiority, anxiety, stress, helplessness, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

I don't want to go into all the details of your worries about work and life here, but I'd love to give you three pieces of advice that I think you'll find helpful.

First, I suggest you try to understand yourself and give yourself a little comfort.

I know it might sound a little strange, but I promise you it will help! It will make your heart feel a little lighter, which will help you think about what to do next.

You say that you've been feeling a bit down lately, that you often have trouble sleeping, that you're on the hunt for a job, that you were let go from your last position and are now in arbitration because you feel that you were treated unfairly there, that you also say that you envy the people around you, that you feel like you're not doing as well as you'd like, that you're a little inferior, that you feel that although you studied abroad, your foreign language skills are still not very good, and that you're also not the best at expressing yourself. You also say that you can't do it and don't care what other people think. These thoughts are totally normal and understandable, because everyone wants to be recognized by others. We all have the potential to improve, everyone hopes to be valuable, to have a decent job, and to have a beautiful love affair. So you have to try to understand yourself, comfort yourself, and "see" that anxious self of yours that seems a bit bad right now, but you don't know how to deal with it. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your mind will always be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

It's so important to give yourself the space to understand and accept yourself. This will help you to embrace change in your current situation. I know it might sound a little strange, but it's true! Change is all about allowing for no change.

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take a moment to view your own state in a rational way.

Because when you think things through, you can really get to know yourself and the world around you better.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help! There are four simple steps you can take to start accepting yourself more rationally:

It's so important to recognize your own strengths!

In your description, you said that you often feel worthless and inferior. I can see why you might think that, but I want you to know that the real you is not like this. We all have our own strengths, and you are no exception. The fact that you studied abroad at a not-bad university shows that you have the ability to learn. You might think that this ability is nothing, but a person's ability to learn is often the key to growth. Many people can't reach this standard, but you can! You can speak a foreign language, although it is only at a basic level. But you're already doing better than many people. The fact that you came here for help shows that you are motivated. Your description also shows that you have a strong ability to reflect on yourself. You also said that you are looking for a job to make a living first. This shows that you are not aiming high, but you're down-to-earth, and that's okay! So you see, you have many bright spots, and you need to see your own value and strength.

Second, it's so important to learn to view yourself with an evolving perspective.

It's okay if you still don't feel good enough, even if you can see your own merits. We all have room to grow! It's important to remember that you have plenty of time and energy to improve and perfect yourself. So, embrace the power of time!

Third, it's so important to understand that life is not a competition with others, but with your ideal self.

It's possible that your stress and anxiety are related to comparing yourself with others. You mentioned the work and life situations of the people around you, and you feel that you are not as good as they are. I really hope you can understand that life is not a competition with others, but with your ideal self.

Fourth, it's really important to understand that while it's great to be affirmed by others, it's even more important to approve of and accept yourself.

You said in your description that you can't help but care about what other people think, which is totally normal and understandable. But it's really important to accept yourself, because if you blindly cater to other people's opinions, you'll lose sight of who you really are.

When you take a step back and view your own state of mind in this way, you might find that various negative emotions within you start to fade away.

I really want you to focus on yourself for a moment and think about what you can do to feel better and become better.

When you take a step back and look at the big picture, you might even see what you can do to make things better. At this point, you focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For example, when it comes to work, you can ask yourself what kind of work you like and can support yourself financially. Then look for work based on these criteria and see what happens. I'm sure you'll find something that works well for you!

It might also help to think about your last job and how you could improve in that area. You could read some books on the subject, or learn from the people around you. This could also help you find a new job!

Outside of work, you can also address your own shortcomings by accepting the things you cannot change and changing the things you can. In this way, you are likely to become a better person, which is a wonderful thing! When you make yourself better, you are likely not only to have a new love affair, but also to boost your self-confidence, so that your mood will also improve and you will not be so anxious.

You can also have a good chat with your parents about your recent worries. They love you and want the best for you, so they'll probably be happy if you're happy. You're likely to get lots of support and understanding from them, which will make you feel better. And so on. In short, you need to know that you can do something to change the situation.

I know it can be tough, but when you start to take action, the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally be slowly resolved. I promise you, sometimes the enemy of various negative emotions is action!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom and we can have a one-on-one conversation.

Hug the questioner. They're not happy with their situation.

Let's work on your story together.

1. Design major who has returned from studying abroad

2. New to the workplace.

3. Worried about being too old and not having achieved enough at work or in relationships.

4. I try my best and expect a fair return.

5. I hope I can repay my parents.

6. My studies abroad don't match what companies in my country need. They work fast and are very competitive.

7. I was laid off and am looking for a new job.

Here are my observations:

The questioner has high expectations of himself and expects to achieve social success before the deadline.

But we all have different inner rhythms.

If you don't look like society expects, don't deny yourself. Give yourself time to grow.

Studying abroad is a big commitment. In the workplace, our skills mature over time. We need experience to work with the company and clients.

Studying abroad gives you a more diverse perspective.

We have a new perspective.

Local design experience.

We know what customers in China want and what it takes to design things. This helps us come up with new ideas.

Some suggestions for the questioner:

1. Everyone has their own time to work and rest. Each flower also has its own time to bloom.

Work hard to establish a firm foundation and grow with peace of mind. When the roots are deep and the branches are luxuriant, the melon will fall when ripe.

2. If you don't succeed at first, it doesn't mean you're useless or not good enough.

Success requires practice.

Believe in yourself and take your time. You'll get there faster.

I hope this helps.