"Metaphysics," where the hell did my husband go last night?

Hello, I'm Teacher Yuxin. You seem frustrated and lost about not being in control. You also want to trust.

Let's clarify a few things.

1. Did your trust issues start with your husband cheating, or were they there before?

This is important.

If you are the latter, you may have post-traumatic stress. This can cause you to have strong emotions when you think about the traumatic event. It can also cause you to feel very stressed.

If this happens, it means the emotions from the last traumatic event have not been healed and you need professional help.

If you are the latter, we will understand from the perspective of your "relationship model." Usually, if you have experienced "giving up parenting" in your childhood, "insufficient maternal emotional capacity," "breakdown of parents' emotional relationship," "frustration from competing with other children," and "being violated," your intimate relationships will be unstable and insecure.

They don't feel anything for stable, reliable people. They won't form relationships with this type of person. Instead, they form unstable relationships with a lack of security. This is known as the "insecure attachment pattern."

You can discover whether you have this characteristic by looking at your past and present relationships.

The theory of dynamic psychotherapy says that people repeat insecure attachments because they think they can control the insecure factors and make them secure. This is a nice idea, but it doesn't work. People still feel frustrated and relationships still break down.

One partner in a relationship must understand what is going on and be willing to help the other gain new experiences and improve their relationship patterns. Counseling can help with this.

2. Your husband is cooperative and has shown he values your feelings. I'm not sure how you understand this.

I think your husband doesn't want to break up with you. He feels guilty about how he's treated you in the past and wants to make amends.

If you both want the relationship to continue, it's a resource and you can communicate.

If you focus on feelings instead of behavior, you'll understand each other better. Men usually need more help with this than women.

If you can't be honest with each other, you can seek help from a marriage counselor. A professional mediator can help you communicate better. They can also help you assess whether you or your husband is suffering from psychopathological symptoms.

If so, treatment is for both of you. If not, the focus will be on strengthening your relationship.

This is just an example based on one or two incidents. It is for reference only.

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan.

Gently pat the questioner on the shoulder and offer a little strength. When faced with some of her husband's questionable behavior, some people choose to end the intimate relationship, while others choose to forgive. When faced with her husband's unfaithful behavior, the questioner chose to forgive, but sometimes it is just like this. Once a relationship has a crack in it, it can be challenging to repair. The questioner even found herself questioning her husband's actions in their daily lives.

It is not possible for anyone to provide the OP with a definitive answer to deal with her husband's infidelity. It is important for the OP to listen to her true feelings, as these will play a significant role in determining the final outcome of the relationship.

It is undoubtedly painful for a husband to engage in an affair while still married. However, it is crucial for the questioner to consider the underlying motives and needs that may have led to this behavior, rather than immediately attributing blame. I believe the questioner has taken a commendable approach in giving her husband the opportunity to address and correct his shortcomings.

The questioner has discovered that her husband has been acting dishonestly. In light of this, she is unsure of the best course of action. Should she be honest and open, or choose to expose his behavior? These are all questions that require careful consideration.

In light of the question being posed on this platform, I would like to offer some brief advice.

Perhaps it would be helpful to define what is meant by "cheating" in this context.

The term "infidelity" is one that often arises in our lives, yet it is important to recognise that there are varying interpretations of what it encompasses. Infidelity can be understood to include both spiritual and physical aspects.

Emotional infidelity can be defined as having an emotional connection with someone else, which could be considered a form of emotional infidelity. Physical infidelity, on the other hand, refers to sexual intercourse with another person while still married.

However, many people are uncertain about what exactly constitutes cheating. It seems that as long as it doesn't violate the family, it doesn't count as cheating. Women, on the other hand, tend to believe that cheating occurs when a husband commits infidelity and deceives the questioner. It might be helpful for the questioner to discuss with her husband what constitutes cheating and make it clear that she cannot tolerate certain types of behavior.

It would be beneficial for the questioner and her husband to sit down and discuss the boundaries of the relationship, clarify which behaviors are allowed and which are not, and ensure that both parties agree. This could be a valuable step to take. If something happens to the husband, it may seem like no big deal to him, but it may be a more significant issue for the questioner.

It is important to note that as long as both parties have clearly agreed to a set of rules, and one party violates that agreement, the other party may be considered to have committed infidelity.

It might be helpful to express your feelings.

Some of the actions of the husband of the question asker, in addition to making the question asker feel uncomfortable, may also be having an impact on the continuation of the intimate relationship. It might be helpful for the question asker to talk to her husband about her own attitude towards the intimate relationship, what impact this incident has had on her, and her support for her husband's work.

It might be helpful for the questioner to try expressing these feelings to her husband. If the questioner is surprised by her husband's behavior, she could also discuss her thoughts with him. It might be unproductive to immediately define some of her husband's actions as infidelity. It could be beneficial to tell him your concerns and that you are willing to do something for him and share his stress.

Could the husband's recognition of the family gradually become stronger? As a wife, would the questioner be willing to invest the energy to guide their lover to release their stress through some healthy ways?

If the questioner wants to motivate their lover, it might be helpful to consider encouraging them to engage in some healthy activities together at home.

It would be advisable to avoid publicising the intimate relationship until it bears fruit.

Now that the questioner is facing challenges in their intimate relationship, it can be difficult to know the best way forward. Sharing your experiences and emotions with family and friends can be a helpful step, as can posting about it on social media. However, it's important to remember that romantic decisions are ultimately between you and your partner. If you're seeking to repair the relationship, it's possible that others may have differing views in the future, but it's essential to focus on what's best for you and your partner.

It might be best not to share your experience with everyone, but you could certainly confide in someone who can help you find a solution and offer guidance.

It is possible that sharing your situation with friends and family might provide a sense of temporary relief. However, it is likely that you will experience feelings of remorse and the pain will resurface.

Given the number of people offering advice, there are many opinions, making it challenging to determine which advice to follow. If a friend offers advice on divorce, for example, and the questioner chooses to follow it, it might be difficult to reconcile with the friend in the future if the questioner and their husband reconcile.

It may be helpful to consider your own thoughts and feelings on the matter.

When there are problems in a close relationship, family and friends can at best offer advice, but ultimately, the decision is up to the questioner. Whether to separate or stay together, the questioner is the only one who can experience the joys and sorrows of life, and it has nothing to do with others.

In light of these considerations, it may be helpful to remember that, ultimately, the questioner is the one who must make their own decision.

It is important to remember that other people's opinions, while valuable, can only offer suggestions on how to view a situation from a different perspective. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make, and it is perfectly acceptable to follow your own inner guidance.

It might be helpful to take some time to calm down before making a decision.

When faced with your husband's less than ideal behavior, it is understandable that most people will be very emotional at first. However, it is important to consider the future of the relationship. I would gently suggest that the questioner take some time to think calmly before making a decision.

You might consider taking a short trip for a few days to give yourself some space to think. Once you've had a chance to calm down, it might be helpful to reflect on whether there's a decision that could be good for both you and your intimate relationship. It's also important to remember that making decisions out of anger can sometimes lead to regret.

A brief period of absence may provide the questioner with the opportunity to reflect on the future of their marriage, the nature of their relationship with their loved one, and how they can support their husband. It is important to recognise that the continuation of a marriage requires care and nurturing, and that both parties may make mistakes along the way. What is crucial is that both parties' goals remain consistent and that they do not make assumptions about what should be the case.

It may be helpful to allow time to gradually heal the wounds.

This matter may cause harm to the questioner, which requires the questioner to take time to slowly heal. It is important to understand that the healing of psychological trauma may not be as fast as one might expect, and it will take a long time before one can truly regain confidence and love in life. Regardless of the survival of the intimate relationship, even if the two parties reach a consensus and work together, it will take a long time to return to a "normal" life and restore the original trust and affection between you.

It's important to recognize that this relationship is ultimately up to both parties. Regardless of whether it continues, the result is not a happy one. Even when it comes to relationships, it can take time to process and come to terms with the emotions involved.

It would be wise for the questioner to be prepared for the fact that life will go on, and that the person who can move forward with them may be different.

It might be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage or family therapist.

If the questioner and her husband find it challenging to communicate effectively, they might benefit from seeking professional guidance. The questioner is currently experiencing a sense of indifference in their intimate relationship. They have confided in the counselor about their reasons, and it would be valuable to understand the counselor's perspective on the future of the marriage.

It might be helpful for the questioner to discuss with her husband whether they are both willing to consider making some changes in order to save the marriage. Perhaps it would also be beneficial to ask him if he would be open to consulting a marriage counselor.

Perhaps you could ask your husband if he still loves you as much as he did before you got married. You might also like to ask him if he would be willing to make some sacrifices to spend time with you and improve your relationship.

It might be helpful to acknowledge that both parties have a role to play in maintaining the marriage.

Marriage is a choice made by two people, and the development of a marriage is something that the two people manage together. If marriage is compared to a company, the results can be reviewed by the questioner themselves.

It is also worth noting that the direction of the marriage is half the responsibility of the questioner. As the questioner, I would gently suggest that the questioner take the initiative to communicate with her husband about things and look ahead with him to the future of your marriage.

In your communication with your husband, you might consider expressing your desire to improve your relationship. If your husband is not considering things thoroughly enough, and if you are only thinking from your own perspective, that may not be the most constructive approach. It might be more beneficial for the two of you to work together to find a solution.

A good marriage requires that the husband and wife share the same goals and communicate their thoughts and actions honestly with each other. This can be challenging, but it is an important aspect of a happy marriage. The questioner should consider actively communicating with her husband and sharing her innermost thoughts with him. If she can get her husband's support, it could lead to a happier marriage.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner.

Hello, I'm Teng Ying, a counselor.

You're worried about your husband's whereabouts last night. He kept asking for your instructions and reporting back to you, which made you feel out of control. You're in a state of panic because of his previous infidelity.

You're full of doubts and anxiety about your husband's whereabouts last night. He kept asking for your instructions and reporting back to you, making you feel out of control. The pain from the past seems to have been awakened again. You're caught in a tangle of anger and helplessness.

What do you really want?

What do you really want?

You're smart and can see through your husband's lies. But then you say he really did go to a barbecue last night, defending him again.

What do you really want?

From your story, it seems like your husband has to tell you about every move he makes. I'm not sure if this is because of a mistake he made last month or if this is always how you do things.

From your story, it seems like your husband has to tell you where he is all the time. Is this because he made a mistake last month, or is this always how you are?

You really want to know where your husband is, don't you? What does this mean to you?

Is this to protect the relationship?

What's the problem?

When your husband comes home late, you can't sleep. You've been tracking his movements, even though he reports to you.

Why did you spend so much time on it?

You checked your husband's taxi app and Alipay while he was in the shower. His whereabouts didn't match what he told you. The money spent didn't match the department dinner he said he went to.

While your husband was in the shower, you checked his taxi app and Alipay. His whereabouts didn't match what he had reported to you. The amount of money spent didn't match the department dinner he said he had attended.

If you wanted to expose your husband's lies, you succeeded. But is this what you wanted? Will you be happy because you're clever?

You say your husband went out last month to find a hostess and drink until 4 a.m. You were heartbroken. The marriage almost broke up. You care a lot about this marriage and want your husband to be faithful.

If you just wanted your husband to be faithful, it seems like you didn't succeed.

What do you want from your marriage?

Marriage is about meeting each other's needs.

When both partners' needs are met, the relationship is happy and healthy. When a need is not met, the person who is unsatisfied will show it in different ways.

Your husband is seeking emotional support from a hostess and lying about his whereabouts.

His actions have hurt you, but to solve the problem, we should think about why. Why does he hurt you?

What needs aren't being met in the marriage? Can you meet his needs?

Your constant monitoring of your husband's whereabouts is an infringement of boundaries. Couples also need boundaries. Have you ever wondered how your husband feels under your monitoring?

Is this because your needs aren't being met? Can your marriage meet your needs?

I have asked you questions to show you why you act the way you do. Something about your marriage makes you feel uncomfortable.

To fix the marriage, we need to find the root cause.

I hope this helps!

Hello, question owner! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for trusting us with your private affairs. I will help you analyze the situation and deal with it better. After reading your detailed description, I know the ins and outs of the matter. You are having a hard time right now, and you don't know what to do when faced with a husband who often goes missing.

Let's hug, calm down, and then talk about what to do.

1. Disappearance

1. Excuses

You said, "Last night, my husband had dinner with his classmates, and I agreed when he told me. We said we would be home by half past ten, but then a colleague called to say that the department was having a dinner at a barbecue restaurant ten minutes from our house. He asked if I could go, as there would be a manager there. I said I could go and be back early. He kept chatting with me on WeChat when he got there, and at one o'clock in the morning he messaged me to say that he would be late because he had to take each of his colleagues home after they got drunk. I was angry and didn't reply to his message. He even ran out and called me for half an hour to keep me company and tell me not to be angry. At 2:30 he said he had finally taken his colleagues home one by one and was on his way home. When he got home, he said he had been a good boy and wanted to reassure me because last month he had gone out for fun and had drinks with a hostess until four o'clock in the morning. I was heartbroken and our marriage almost broke up. He said it would never happen again and wanted to reassure me that he would never let his guard down. But while he was in the shower, I checked the taxi app and Alipay and found that he had never gone to the barbecue restaurant but to

You have been married for a year and have a very good relationship. You have had emotional entanglements. You once found records of your husband chatting with an escort on his WeChat account, with ambiguous language and signs of infidelity.

You have already dealt with the past. Now you find that your husband has started to disappear.

2. Feelings You are certain that your husband is deceiving you. You have found evidence to prove that he has been lying to you.

You feel that your trust in your husband has completely collapsed because he has repeatedly deceived you. You have found a significant amount of evidence that proves your husband is lying.

3. Handling

You had a deep conversation with your husband last time and chose to forgive him. He also said that he would not do it again in the future, which was a relief and has made me determined to stay vigilant.

Question:

Your initial approach did not have the desired effect because you have not yet established open communication with your husband.

You can't say everything that's on your mind. You're the one trying to figure out why this happened, not him.

Explanation:

He lied. He said he was giving it to a friend, but he was cheating on you. There are records of purchases elsewhere. You haven't been honest with each other.

Handling

You didn't discuss how to handle this situation, but it's clear you distrust your husband and lack a constructive approach.

2. Hidden crisis

Your relationship has been in crisis for a long time, and you have failed to seize the opportunity to turn it into a safe situation. There are many unresolved issues here.

1. Views on Love and Marriage

Your husband does not take the relationship with you seriously and does not respect your feelings.

Our view of marriage is our basic understanding and attitude towards marriage issues, and it is one of the components of our outlook on life. There is no question that a correct view of marriage emphasizes that marriage must be based on love and adhere to the principle of the voluntary participation of both parties.

Marriage is a commitment to develop and maintain a relationship responsibly.

The three elements of love are passion, intimacy, and commitment. Together, they form perfect love. It is clear that love includes commitment, with love coming first and marriage coming second.

In marriage, the two people must deepen their intimate relationship, and commitment is essential. Intimacy includes understanding, communication, support, and sharing.

If there is no understanding, communication, support, or sharing in love and marriage, passion and commitment are all that's left. Without moral restraint, such commitment is prone to failure.

The three elements of love are indispensable. Your views on marriage are not very clear, especially in terms of commitment, understanding, and communication.

2. Emotional appeal

Let's talk about your husband's emotional problems. He's seeking outside help and being dishonest with you because, apart from communication barriers, your emotional needs are not being met. He's broken promises and hidden things.

3. Intimate relationship

It's clear to me that you're in a dominant position in this relationship. You're the one talking, while your husband listens. He's been unable to express his emotional needs for a long time, but instead has been obedient. His heart will accumulate dissatisfaction, which will be vented in some form at the right time to satisfy his needs.

This shows that you have not really established an intimate relationship with each other. You must understand your husband's need for love, and he must understand yours.

You are together, and you both feel constrained.

4. Effective communication

From your description, it is clear that you are engaging in one-way communication rather than effective two-way communication. This is a taboo in intimate relationships in a love triangle and is a source of your husband's concealment.

One-way communication is unacceptable. It leaves one party lacking a channel of communication, and the other party feels a lack of respect and a sense of emotional belonging. This is an unresolved issue between you.

3. Here's how to deal with it.

You have already dealt with your husband's infidelity, but the results have not been good. Your husband continues to deceive you, and you are unsure of how to proceed.

As you can see, the husband's concealment of the truth and one-way communication have not resolved the problem in his heart. He has more doubts. Suggestions:

1. Establish a good intimate relationship.

Intimacy refers to the relationship between lovers, partners, and spouses. This is the narrow meaning of the term.

Intimate relationships include the entire family relationship, such as the relationship between a husband and wife, a parent and a child, etc. The relationships we have with the people closest to us are all part of the family relationship.

It is crucial to maintain a close relationship. First, examine the current state of your marriage, especially the part of the intimate relationship, to ensure it is based on mutual trust and a sense of security.

What other problems have arisen? Find the essence of the problem and solve it. You can establish a new, trusting, and safe intimate relationship.

2. Effective communication

Effective communication is the exchange of information. It is a process in which one party conveys a message to a communication object with the expectation that the communication object will respond as expected.

If this process is achieved, it is effective communication.

Effective communication involves four steps:

Step 1: Express feelings, not emotions.

Step 2: State your needs, not your frustrations. Let your partner know you are angry, not that you are going to express your anger.

Step 3: Express your needs, not complaints. Don't let your partner guess what you want.

Step 4: Express where you want to go, don't complain about where you are. Look at the end result, don't get stuck in the event.

Effective communication is essential in an intimate relationship. It allows both parties to express their opinions normally, feel respected, and release emotions. It also promotes mutual understanding of each other's thoughts, enhances emotional bonds, reduces misunderstandings, resolves conflicts, and lays the foundation for further action.

3. Open up.

Your husband needs to speak the truth and tell the truth. Open up to him. When he can speak his mind, he will have no need to hide anything from you.

4. Focus on expressing love.

Your marriage lacks expressions of love. This means that although both parties seem to be feeling good, the other party is not getting what they really need, leading to external seeking. You need to understand, observe, and try in order to know each other's love needs and make the relationship warmer.

Everyone has a different understanding of love, and the way they express and receive love may also be different. Dr. Gary Chapman categorizes the way people express and receive love into five "languages" or "expressions" of love: "affirming words," "quality time," "exchange of gifts," "acts of service," and "physical touch."

Affirming words are essential.

It doesn't matter if you're friends, colleagues, lovers, or husband and wife. You need praise and affirmation. The more positive feedback you give each other, the stronger your feelings will be.

Special moments are a must.

Special moments are wonderful times and memories that you share together. This could be a candlelit dinner or doing something meaningful together.

Accepting gifts is a must.

Exchanging gifts on important holidays is a ritual that strengthens relationships. The ritual itself and the gift are what bind the two parties together.

Service actions

In short, it means doing what the other person wants you to do and making them happy through your service in life. Such service actions are often the little things in life, and you should do them without question.

Physical contact is essential.

Holding hands, hugging, and other forms of physical contact will increase the affection between you. It is a clear and powerful way to show love and affection.

Express your love. It will grow your intimacy day by day, making it sweeter and sweeter. Neglect it, and you will tire of it and find new love.

Marriage needs to be nurtured and carefully looked after. Expressing your love is the magic weapon to protect your marriage. Use it.

I wish the original poster nothing but happiness!

Hello, I am Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun.

I understand your feelings. Your husband may seem like a good man, but the evidence on his phone is false. This has caused you, on the brink of a breakdown, to feel overwhelmed and unsure of what to do.

Honey, give me a hug. I don't know if you have any children now or how old they are.

The state of the parents' marriage also has a significant impact on the physical and mental health of their children. It is crucial to handle the couple's emotions with care, even if they are not openly fighting. Children are very sensitive and can be affected by the dynamics of their parents' relationship, regardless of whether the fighting is overt or covert.

1. You need to decide whether you are worried and afraid, afraid of losing this marriage and relationship, or afraid of losing the security that marriage brings you.

Let's be clear: traditional Chinese families, especially those deeply influenced by feudal thinking, have a lot of concerns for women. These include the idea that "men are superior to women," the chaste woman/martyr complex, and putting up with hardship for the sake of the children.

As you said, you and your husband almost broke up last month after he was caught with a prostitute. You were devastated, and he promised never to cross the line again. You chose to believe him and forgive him, but you are still filled with doubts.

This incident has shown you his true colors, and it's clear he's not heartbroken. But there's a silver lining. He tried everything to keep you informed and gain your trust. He'll do whatever it takes to keep you happy.

Be a wise woman and maintain your marital happiness.

From the outside, it's his unprincipled lifestyle that makes you think he's unfaithful to you and the marriage. But you know better. You're looking inward, reflecting on your intimate relationship, and figuring out which part is actually problematic.

You need to decide what's best for you. No one can advise on someone else's marriage because only you know whether the shoe fits. So, use your heart and mind to analyze and think.

Avoidance is not the answer. There was a similar argument just a month ago. For the sake of family happiness and mutual peace, you must communicate honestly.

There's no point in complaining or pointing fingers. What's done is done. The key is for both parties to come together and find a solution.

You need to think calmly, take a fresh look at your marriage, and take your share of responsibility. Make the right judgment and choice through effective communication and the other person's attitude and response.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

It is clear from the questioner's confessions and emotions that, regardless of the relationship, we all need to slowly gain each other's trust through spending time together. Building trust in this process is not easy. The questioner and another answerer commented that they had only been married for about a year, but the husband had already shown behaviour that made the questioner distrust him.

As a married man, he must maintain a sense of distance and boundaries with other members of the opposite sex. His decision to drink with a hostess has eroded the questioner's trust in him. After expressing her concerns, he promised to change. His willingness to report his whereabouts to her when going out with classmates and colleagues demonstrates that he values her and wants her to feel at ease.

After checking her husband's phone, the questioner discovered that none of the information matched. Had he sent any videos or location updates to make her more confident that he was telling the truth? The reason he gave when he knew that the information didn't match felt far-fetched. A lie often needs countless lies to cover it up.

● It's true.

The questioner has been married to her husband for more than a year. Based on the questioner's understanding of her husband, do you think he is a warm-hearted person? It is his job to drive his colleagues home after they have been drinking.

These colleagues need a ride because the questioner is talking about a taxi-hailing platform. Even if the questioner's husband wants to give his colleagues a ride home, he has to use a taxi-hailing app to do so. Do all these colleagues happen to be going in the same direction?

You were at a gathering with your colleagues and your boss, but you still managed to sneak away and spend half an hour on the phone with the questioner.

The husband in the question clearly has many problems. By listening to the problem, the questioner will go and check his phone. You know the answer, but the questioner won't admit it. They'll only admit it if they're forced to. In a marriage, the saddest thing is to think that it is being maintained by the same amount of effort, but to find out the truth is that only you are making the effort.

Keep observing.

There is no evidence to show what the husband did or who he was with, so the questioner already has reason to distrust him. Some things can be answered through one's own methods. If the husband is not lying, then to maintain a good marriage, you must re-establish trust and see the problems between you and change accordingly. You must understand and tolerate each other, let go of the past, and not let past events affect you.

The questioner can also give each other some time and continue to observe. For example, at the next gathering of her husband's friends, she can say that she suddenly feels like going and see what his reaction and answer is. She can introduce her wife to the people around her. This is something she can and should do. If the questioner is rejected with various excuses, then it is up to the questioner to decide whether she wants to accommodate or express her attitude.

☀ Don't let anyone lead you around on a leash.

It is often said that women have a sixth sense, like detectives. This does not mean that we women are always right when we guess. Women are generally more attentive and have strong observation skills, so when there is something slightly different, they can quickly notice it. The questioner is suspicious of her husband's behavior, and I believe that when she finds out that her husband may be cheating on her, she will be angry. However, emotions can sometimes affect one's judgment.

Don't let your husband's thinking distract you from the facts. Look at the problem calmly and identify the inaccuracy in his statement. You were downstairs at 10 o'clock, meeting with colleagues at a nearby barbecue restaurant, so why does the record show that you were at Haidilao checking out at 2 o'clock? Even if he didn't eat, why was he willing to pay?

☀You must recognize your emotions and see them.

Sometimes, it's not just about being willing to compromise and put ourselves in other people's shoes. Happiness comes from two people working together towards the same goal. At this time, the person asking the question may feel complex, sad, angry, and helpless. They should find someone to talk to, to get the pain out of their heart. It will make them feel much better. After talking about it, they will not feel so depressed anymore, and it will make them look at the problem from a different perspective.

Go for a walk. Find a holiday, invite family or friends, have a picnic or go for a walk to nearby attractions, let yourself get close to flowers and plants, breathe in the fresh air, and let these vibrant green plants bring you a good mood.

Eating some of your favorite foods is the most healing thing you can do. A cup of milk tea, a dessert, or candy can make you feel warm and instantly reduce your stress. When you're no longer anxious, you can face your emotions, solve problems, and let emotions disappear.

If a marriage is full of fatigue, it means the mode of getting along in the relationship is wrong. You must address the problem, or it will only make each other more and more tired. I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes.

Hello, my name is Wang Ying, and I'm a psychological counselor.

From what you've told me, I can see how much pain and struggle you're going through. It's so clear that you're looking for someone to tell you what to do and to take you out of your current situation. I'm sending you lots of hugs!

First of all, I really hope you can take responsibility for yourself. It would be so great for you to look at what is really going on inside you.

It's totally normal to feel insecure and afraid of being betrayed. The first step is to understand this complex feeling and heal this wound.

Then take a look at your husband's behavior. It's okay, we all have moments where we lack self-confidence. But it's important to remember that you deserve to be taken care of too. A marriage like this, where you're relying on your husband to pay for you, might not be sustainable in the long run.

I know this part might be a bit more serious, and it might challenge some of your previous beliefs. But I promise you, by breaking through this belief, you can truly solve your current marital problems!

I really want to tell you that you need to grow up, take responsibility for yourself, and stop focusing all your attention, energy, and blame on your husband. I know it's tough, but this will only lead to you becoming more and more exhausted, and your husband will not change, but will only think of more and more ways to deal with you.

The problems in your marriage are lessons that will help you grow, heal your inner wounds, and make your life more complete and powerful, so that you can live more openly and fearlessly. I know it can be tough, but you've got this!

You can fantasize about the future, where you become more confident and powerful, and simply don't care what your husband does outside, or even if he comes home. You are content in your own world, reading books, doing yoga, and hanging out with friends. Or maybe your husband is attracted to your charm and becomes content. Or maybe you leave this man with confidence and style, and turn around to meet someone who truly loves you.

I really hope my answer has been helpful for you. I wish you all the best!

The different descriptions in the message are like something you'd find in a detective novel: full of suspicion and confusion. At the heart of it all is a concentrated manifestation of a crisis of trust.

Last month, I was devastated when I found out that my husband had been seeing a hostess, and this month, he's gone off the grid. I hope that the following tips will give you, as a wife, a little more support and a little less helplessness when facing the turmoil in your relationship:

First, it's important to be aware of your emotions and understand your psychological need to find out where your husband is going.

A good marriage is the result of two people working together with all their hearts. Now, there are some pretty obvious factors of suspicion and instability in the relationship.

Before you talk to your husband, it'd be good to understand your own state and needs so you can communicate more effectively.

The different descriptions in the message all point to the possibility that your husband is lying. How you feel about this possibility, how you deal with it, and how you interact with your husband will all affect how you respond when he responds to you.

In this situation, most people often feel angry, sad, and confused. On the one hand, they hope they're overthinking it, but on the other hand, they just can't believe what their husband said or did.

So it's important to explore the truth and confirm whether there's still a foundation in the relationship that can be maintained in the next interaction with your husband.

Of course, everyone is different, and relationships are all unique. The above are just examples.

You can think about how you're feeling and what you need based on what's going on in your life right now.

Second, try to understand your husband's psychological motives behind his actions in communication. This will help you determine whether this is a temporary crisis or a long-term difficulty.

It's clear that there are some inconsistencies in your husband's account. This can help us understand why he might be trying to influence your relationship by hiding certain things.

People who lie often think they can get away with it, or they're too afraid of how the truth will affect the people involved.

Talking to your husband will help you understand why he's lying. You might want to keep the relationship going without getting too tied up in the marriage, or you might be worried that if you don't do something, he'll start acting up again. Either way, you can use these different motives to figure out whether your husband's behavior over the past two months is because of who he is or because of things going on outside the marriage.

The former is tough to change, but the latter can be resolved through good communication.

I hope this sharing is helpful for you.

I'm a psychologist, not a human behavior expert. I just care about the human heart. Best of luck to you.

Greetings!

As a mindfulness coach, I have come to understand that learning is the most valuable asset one can possess.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a complex array of emotions, including doubt, confusion, and a strong desire for clarity. Additionally, there seems to be a subtle sense of discontent and anger lurking beneath the surface.

The specifics of the difficulties you have experienced with your husband will not be addressed here. However, three pieces of advice can be provided.

Firstly, it is recommended that you attempt to accept your current state of mind.

Such an approach will facilitate a slight alleviation of distress, thereby enabling a more considered approach to determining the optimal subsequent course of action.

You stated that your husband had a dinner appointment with his classmates the previous night, and you concurred with this account after it was presented. Subsequently, he informed you that they had a dinner gathering at the office with the boss, and you also agreed that he could attend. Later, he disclosed that he had to take his intoxicated colleagues home one by one and did not return until 2:30 a.m. However, when you were showering, you discovered that his account did not align with the actual consumption records on his phone and the taxi-hailing app. You were perplexed. Indeed, anyone in your position would likely be similarly bewildered and suspicious. Moreover, he had even gone out for leisure the previous month and hired a hostess. Your marriage was on the brink of dissolution. Therefore, it is imperative to strive to comprehend your own state and accept it, so that you can conserve energy to contemplate other matters. Otherwise, your mind will perpetually be inundated with a plethora of negative emotions.

Furthermore, allowing oneself to understand and accept one's own self is a necessary step in effecting change in the current situation. This may seem paradoxical, but it is nonetheless true that change is contingent upon the absence of change.

Secondly, it is recommended that you adopt a rational perspective on your own state of mind.

Rational thinking can facilitate a more nuanced understanding of oneself and one's circumstances.

It is essential to adopt a rational perspective and to grasp the following two key points:

It is important to recognize that your husband is the only individual who possesses precise knowledge regarding his whereabouts the previous night.

In other words, I am not requesting that you accept his statements as absolute truth. However, I encourage you to refrain from engaging in speculation at this time, as such actions can have detrimental effects on the stability of a marriage. I acknowledge the concerns you have expressed, given his history of criminal activity. Nevertheless, I urge you to maintain a degree of composure before you can ascertain the facts.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that the status quo can be altered as a result of one's own actions.

It is possible that your husband is unlikely to divulge information on his own initiative. However, it should be noted that you have the capacity to change. If you make the decision to change, it is probable that he will be forthcoming with the truth. When you take the initiative to make changes in your own life, it is possible that your state of mind and the answers you seek, including the state of your marriage, may improve.

Thirdly, it is recommended that you concentrate on your own well-being and consider how you can improve your mental state and contribute to the stability of your marriage.

A rational examination of one's own circumstances may also yield insights into the appropriate course of action. During this period, it is crucial to prioritize self-care and strive to excel in one's endeavors.

As an illustration, one can engage in a constructive dialogue with one's spouse. As previously stated, the potential for change may be contingent upon a change in oneself. The initial step in this process could entail communicating with one's spouse in a sincere manner, as honest communication is a highly effective means of addressing marital issues. However, when communicating with one's spouse in a sincere manner, it is essential to consider the methods and approaches employed. Given that one has accessed the contents of the spouse's phone, an apology should be extended first, followed by an acknowledgment that the spouse may have provided false information due to concerns about one's potential anger. Upon recognizing the spouse's genuine intent, they may then divulge the truth. It is recommended to commence with the "I" pronoun and discuss one's emotions, while avoiding or minimizing the use of the "you" pronoun, as it may evoke feelings of rejection and accusation, which are detrimental to communication. After communicating with one's spouse in this sincere manner, it is probable that the spouse will divulge the truth and provide an accurate account of their whereabouts the previous night, which may lead to a sense of relief.

If, following a heart-to-heart communication, the information provided by the individual in question is inconsistent with your suspicions, you may choose to temporarily trust him. This is because it is probable that the discrepancy between your perceptions and his statements is the result of miscommunication rather than intentional deception. For instance, he may have been aware of a dinner gathering among his colleagues, despite not being informed of it initially. Additionally, discrepancies in spending patterns may indicate that he had dinner with his colleagues and subsequently with other individuals, or vice versa. In such cases, it is advisable to temporarily trust him and allow for a period of observation. This will help determine whether he is genuinely loyal to you, which may gradually dispel any remaining doubts.

In the event that suspicion persists, it may be helpful to remind oneself that the process of rebuilding a relationship requires the efforts of both parties. It may be necessary to cease pursuing the other person and allow the relationship to gradually improve, as otherwise, both parties may become discouraged. Repeating this affirmation may help to foster a sense of relaxation. When one feels more at ease, it can positively influence the quality of the relationship.

One might posit that despite the possibility of deceit, it is preferable to maintain trust in the hope of fostering a more positive future. However, this decision may be influenced by the assumption that the individual in question will continue to engage in unfaithfulness.

This line of reasoning is logical and reasonable. However, it is important to note that the decision to trust your partner is a temporary measure, designed to explore the possibility of a new marital status. Otherwise, the relationship will remain in a state of constant tension. Furthermore, if you choose to trust your partner, they will be more likely to demonstrate love and commitment. If you trust your partner and they subsequently demonstrate a deterioration in their behaviour, you will become aware of this at an early stage. This will allow you to make an informed decision about the future of the relationship. In other words, you must trust your partner, which will provide them with an opportunity to prove themselves and demonstrate their commitment to the relationship. Ultimately, you must recognise that you have the power to influence the current situation.

Once action is initiated, the accumulation of negative emotions will gradually dissipate, as action serves as an effective antidote to such sentiments.

It is my hope that this response will prove helpful to you. Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the link entitled "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation," which you will find at the foot of this page. This will enable me to communicate with you on an individual basis.