Military personnel, what should I do because I don't have a position and he wants to break up with me?

Dear Sir/Madam, It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

It is undoubtedly distressing to be terminated from a romantic relationship in such a dramatic manner.

From "My partner was actually a very down-to-earth and responsible person..." to "This abrupt separation has caused me significant distress. Do all military spouses have a formal position?" it is evident that you ascribe the majority of responsibility for this dissolution to yourself, which has led to feelings of self-doubt. I can discern that you are experiencing a sense of injustice and sadness, as well as some anxiety. I empathize with your situation.

It is a fallacious assumption to believe that all military spouses must have gainful employment. Each individual's circumstances are unique.

The manner in which your partner handled the situation evokes feelings of sadness. However, it is important to consider that he may have been experiencing his own difficulties and pressures. It appears that he sought to reduce his own stress, both in terms of self-interest and your interest. He has now come to believe that his parents were correct and that he should find a partner with a stable job, with the intention of reducing his overall stress levels. He has already made the decision that he believes is best for his life.

It is of the utmost importance to attend to one's emotional state at this juncture. I am aware that it remains challenging for you to come to terms with this situation, particularly given your initial assessment of him. It seems that you are still unable to move on from the relationship. The two of you are no longer on the same trajectory, yet the journey still has to be traversed.

One may consider speaking with friends or family, or engaging in an activity that one finds enjoyable as a means of distraction. As an illustration, one might embark on a brief excursion with the intention of clearing one's mind, viewing the relationship in question as an opportunity for growth, and preparing oneself for future interactions.

The following books and films are recommended for those experiencing self-doubt and distress following a relationship breakdown:

The book Becoming a Better Version of Yourself After a Breakup provides a set of proven methods that can assist individuals in overcoming the emotional challenges associated with a broken heart, restoring their confidence and courage, and facilitating their growth into a better version of themselves.

The following list of films may be of interest:

"The Most Regrettable Thing Is Missing You" presents a narrative of individuals who have experienced a precipitous dissolution of a romantic relationship, often succumbing to a state of self-doubt due to their inability to reciprocate the sincerity demonstrated by their former partner. As the sincerity of their actions increases, they become increasingly fearful of losing the other person. However, it is imperative not to lose confidence in the prospect of love as a result of this experience. Instead, it is essential to maintain the belief that genuine love will eventually manifest.

The film 33 Days of Being Single offers a realistic portrayal of the emotional distress experienced by a female protagonist following the dissolution of her romantic relationship. Many individuals who have experienced a similar sense of heartache often find themselves resonating with the protagonist's initial struggles.

It may take some time, but it is important not to place undue pressure on oneself. It is reasonable to trust that, with the passage of time, healing will occur and that one will meet someone more suitable. What are your thoughts on this matter?

This represents the synthesis of knowledge and action, and it is my hope that we may enjoy a lifetime of happiness together.

Dear questioner, I can totally relate to how you're feeling right now. It's like the surface of a lake that's been hit by a cold wind, full of ripples, confusion, and pain. It's natural to find it hard to accept when things change like this.

But please know that every experience is a precious gift from life. They help us grow and become more resilient, and that's something to be grateful for!

First of all, I want to tell you that the status of military wife is not defined by whether or not you have a formal job. Everyone has their own unique value and charm. You are an independent and outstanding individual, whether you are on the payroll or not!

Your value is not in what others think, but in your own efforts and pursuits. Don't deny yourself because of this problem, and don't question your own value because of someone else's choice. You are worthy of love and happiness!

You've put your heart and soul into this relationship, and that's something really special. It's so sad that your partner has chosen to give up because of practical considerations.

But please remember, it's not your fault, and it's not your problem. Everyone has their own choices and values, and we can't control what other people do.

Please don't blame yourself and feel sad. It's not your fault.

It's totally normal for people to feel this way when they're under a lot of pressure. Sometimes, they might choose to escape or change the status quo to reduce their internal burden. It's possible that your boyfriend's choice was a psychological reaction of this kind.

But true happiness is based on mutual understanding, respect, and support. If the other person can't accept your current situation, it might be time to move on to something more suitable for you.

My dear friend, I know it's tough, but I'm here to tell you to let go of the pain of the past and face the future with courage.

I'm here to help you get through this tough time. I've got some specific, actionable advice that I think you'll find really helpful.

First, give yourself the time and space you need to grieve and heal. Try setting aside a little time each day to deal with your emotions.

It's so important to take care of yourself during this time. You can keep a diary, paint, listen to music, or do anything that makes you feel relaxed and comfortable. Remember, your emotions need an outlet, so don't keep them bottled up inside.

Second, take some time to think about what's really important to you. This experience might help you understand yourself better.

You can try answering some questions to help you figure out what you really want and what you want your life to be like.

This will help you get to know yourself better and find out what really suits you, which is really important!

3. Then, it's time to get out there and start participating in social activities! Don't force yourself, though. You can start with simple social activities, such as having a cup of coffee with friends or joining an interest group.

This can really help you to gradually regain your confidence and give you the chance to meet lots of new people! Just remember, social activities should make you feel happy, not stressed.

And don't forget to focus on your own personal growth! This is a great time to learn new skills or work on improving yourself.

This will not only make you more confident, but also give you more options in the future. You could consider enrolling in some courses, attending some lectures, or reading some helpful books.

I'm sure you'll find these helpful as you grow and improve.

5. And remember, it's really important to keep a positive outlook on life. Even if you're going through a rough patch, try to see it as a short-term blip.

You can try saying some lovely, positive things to yourself every day, like, "I can overcome this difficulty," and "I deserve to be loved."

I really think this will help you maintain a positive attitude and better face the challenges in life.

My dear friend, I want you to know that your value doesn't depend on a relationship or a job. You are a unique and precious person who deserves love and respect.

I know it can be tough, but believe that in the future you will meet someone who understands you better and loves you more. Until then, please love yourself.

Take care of your body and mind and make yourself happy! You can try some relaxing activities, such as walking, yoga, meditation, etc.

You can also have a good old chat with your friends, catch a movie, or go shopping!

You are worthy of love and cherishing, my dear friend. Don't deny yourself because of a setback. Have faith that the future will be brighter, and you will meet someone who truly understands you and loves you more.

You can count on us, we'll always be here for you, supporting and encouraging you!

I really hope you find a way out of this tricky situation soon and that your future is filled with lots of happy, positive things!

Hello, question asker.

I can see that you're upset and not sure what to do. Your boyfriend, who you like, actually dislikes and distrusts you so much that he is willing to listen to his parents and break up with you.

If you try to stop the river from flowing, the more you resist, the more it will flood and the more resistance there will be.

It's the same with people, too.

He's already made up his mind to break up with you, and there's no way you can change that.

Does the military wife have to have a formal job? It seems like that's a condition he's set for you.

Even if you have a job, they may still find fault with you for not being from the area, not being tall enough, not having enough education, etc. If you're unhappy, you'll probably find a way to rationalize your breakup and make him feel better about it.

He's agreed to the path his parents have planned for him: finding a partner from his hometown, resolving the issue of employment, taking care of children and the elderly, etc. As an adult, you can listen to your parents' opinions, but if you blindly follow them, you're not really having your own opinions.

Even if you do get married, there'll still be a lot of pain.

For instance, there might be disagreements about finances after marriage, how to support the elderly, how to raise children, and so on.

He says he goes on blind dates because his family forces him to. What if there are other introductions after marriage? Divorce?

He has a girlfriend and still goes on blind dates. He and his family are actually very powerful, and they don't really respect you. He doesn't love you enough either.

Is it worth putting yourself through all that with a family like that?

It's important to consider external conditions when you like someone, but you also have to consider feelings. People all have feelings, but your boyfriend is acting very coldly.

The good memories you have together are why you want to stick with him, but your boyfriend only thinks about what's good for him and his family.

One side is focused on money and interests, while the other is focused on emotions. How can you negotiate to find a solution that works for everyone?

If you're more valuable to his family, they might even propose marriage before you get the chance to say "marry."

I hope you find someone who treats you well. It's not worth sticking around with a family that doesn't treat you right.

Hello! I'm happy to answer your question. I hope my suggestions help.

We need to make two distinctions.

First, work and people are not equal. We respect military personnel, but we should not equate occupation with character, personality, or goodness.

We need to think differently. Just because your boyfriend is in the military and comes from a military family doesn't mean his family's values are good for us.

From what you've said, it seems like your boyfriend is a mama's boy. He'll have no self-opinion and follow his family's rules. This family includes his parents, uncle, and other relatives.

He only cares about his family. This is why he's been with the same girlfriend for so long. What kind of woman is she? Do her values match his? Does it matter if she can become a lifelong partner with him? The matchmaker is satisfied, and that is enough to satisfy his family. Then this matchmaker can be anyone. He is not looking for a partner based on whether he likes them or not.

What is our view of marriage?

Dating and marriage are two different things.

In a relationship, we only need to consider if we like each other and if the other person likes us.

But there are many things to think about when getting married. One is whether the two families can accept each other and whether the two people agree on marriage.

When looking for a partner, we consider whether we like them. If we like them, we become their boyfriend or girlfriend. If we like them and everything suits us, we can accept them as our husband or wife.

Some people have different views on marriage. For example, he thinks I should marry the girl I like, even though I don't think she's suitable for me. I need to find someone else who is suitable to marry.

First, we need to understand our views on marriage and love. Second, we need to understand the other person's views. Finally, we need to know if our thoughts and goals are aligned.

If you can't agree, it's time to break up.

If they are consistent, they are working towards the same goal. This also includes conflicts between them. For example, you both think this way, but you just don't think it's right. Then we can find a solution. But obviously their family doesn't think this is a solution. Now we have to consider what his thoughts are. We have to consider whether he thinks our solution is feasible and whether he can accept it.

It comes back to whether your goals are the same and whether he still wants to marry someone like you.

If you don't have the same goal, you'll argue or fail to communicate.

You can ask the other person what they think.

As you get to know each other, you can decide if the person is just following their family's rules or if they have their own ideas. When looking for a partner, you need to think about more than just whether you like each other. You also need to think about whether you have similar views.

A military wife doesn't need a formal job. We should consider this issue separately, without considering the other person's job.

A military marriage may involve political vetting issues. Apart from legal requirements, family members don't set criteria for daughters-in-law. We can match anyone.

I hope self-reflection helps you understand yourself, find the right answers, and make better judgments.

I love you!

Good day. I am a heart exploration coach, and I am privileged to be able to offer you some counsel.

From your written description, I can comprehend your situation with a reasonable degree of clarity. As a military spouse, you have been separated from your partner for the majority of the time, and you have endured significant distress and hardship. In return, you have been subjected to a sudden and abrupt dissolution of the relationship, with no clear explanation provided.

You are experiencing significant distress and are uncertain about how to influence the other person's perceptions.

It would be prudent to avoid self-blame and hasty self-denial. The individual in question has already endured a considerable degree of distress within the relationship and has invested a great deal of effort in maintaining it.

It is presumed that the two of you have been in a relationship for an extended period of time. There have been instances of discord and affection, and you are the one who retains a detailed memory of every interaction and holds your partner in high regard.

You consider him to be a down-to-earth and responsible individual, and you have spent a considerable amount of time with him. You are appreciative of his qualities. However, his family has requested that he attend a blind date, and he has acquiesced.

He was compelled to utilize a matchmaking opportunity that is typically reserved for relatives as a rationale for requesting your accompaniment. In fact, you anticipated that he would persuade you to join, rather than leaving you to your own devices.

Subsequently, you experienced a profound sense of imbalance and persistent anger. It is reasonable to assume that anyone in a similar situation would also feel aggrieved and at a loss for what to do. After all, you and he were the official girlfriend and boyfriend, and he went on a blind date while you were still in a relationship. This situation is, at the very least, questionable.

Indeed, this prompts the question of whether this is the correct course of action.

However, an analysis of his actions suggests that he may be somewhat inept in providing emotional support, particularly given the volatility of your emotions. This has led to a situation where the conflict has been intensifying.

Subsequently, he did not proactively seek communication with you in a timely manner, but instead consulted with his parents. It appears that he also feels aggrieved by the emotional state you have induced in him.

However, in order to maintain a healthy and stable relationship, it is essential for a boyfriend to possess a considerable degree of inner strength and resilience.

The resolution of this matter will depend on the communication between the two parties involved.

Presently, he may lack the requisite strength to cope with the situation due to a lack of support and resources. Consequently, he sought counsel from his parents, a decision that was arguably misguided.

His parents are undoubtedly seeking to facilitate an introduction to a suitable, established, and respectable partner for him. At this juncture, however, you are not deemed suitable for such an introduction. One factor is your professional status, and another is your lack of consent regarding the blind date. Additionally, your continued resentment toward him is a further obstacle to your relationship.

It is likely that he will seek counsel from his parents, which represents the current status of your relationship.

Additionally, it is evident that you persisted in attempting to persuade him, yet he consistently rejected your counsel. This indicates that he favored the guidance of his parents over your advice and the prospect of a promising future you presented.

Subsequently, he abruptly terminated the relationship, stating that he could not continue. It is evident that he was grappling with an internal conflict.

Moreover, a conflict was initiated with the subject in question. It would be beneficial to ascertain whether a similar experience was encountered previously, and if so, how it was resolved.

Moreover, the two of you will likely encounter practical challenges, such as child support matters. Given that you may not reside in the same city, it is essential to determine your preferred mode of communication.

You may organize the aforementioned information and direct any inquiries to my personal homepage. I will assist you in navigating the current situation with greater specificity.

It is evident that your boyfriend tends to align with his parents because they can provide him with a solution and assistance in the future, which is relatively straightforward.

It is challenging for him to address your emotional issues, which may have contributed to his sudden shift in perspective. After observing this change, we can explore strategies to rekindle the relationship.

It is also important to consider the duration of the relationship. It is unlikely that a significant bond can be easily forgotten, even if the other party maintains a supportive stance towards their parents.

You are pragmatic and dependable, and you also believe that he is unable to move on from the relationship. However, he is constrained by the challenges he is currently facing.

Should this be the case, should you wish to win him back, you are encouraged to explore this further by providing me with additional information.

It is therefore recommended that you act expeditiously to resolve the situation. It is also important to address the current state of disharmony in the relationship as soon as possible.

Otherwise, the longer this situation persists, the greater the impact it will have on you.

I will then await your reply and wish you the best of luck.

I get it. It'll take a while to get used to this change.

First of all, it's worth noting that military spouses don't always have a formal job. The term "military spouse" is a broad one that encompasses women married to military personnel.

They have different jobs, identities, and statuses. Some have permanent jobs, some are freelancers, and some are housewives. There's no direct link between having a permanent job and being a military wife.

From what you've told me, it seems like there are some pretty deep-seated conflicts and problems between you and your partner. Even though he didn't tell you about the blind date at first, he still chose to tell you later, which shows that he still wants to be honest with you.

It seems like he's struggling to find a balance between family pressure and his own thoughts, which has led to the decision to break up.

In this case, you need to give yourself some time to accept this and think about what you want to do next. At the same time, you can also try to talk to your partner to understand what he really thinks and see if there's still a chance to save the relationship.

If there are really irreconcilable differences between you, then a breakup might be the best option.

Finally, it'd be a good idea to chat with friends and family for support and advice. You could also try new hobbies and activities to make your life more fulfilling and meaningful.

It'll take some time and effort to get over a breakup, but if you're ready to face it head-on, I'm confident you'll find happiness again.

Dear friend, I understand how you feel. It's normal to feel pain and confusion in the face of such a breakup. Losing a partner in whom you have invested so much time and emotion, especially in such circumstances, is undoubtedly a huge blow.

Your feelings are valid, your pain is real, and you are not alone. Many people experience similar emotional swings when faced with a breakup, and this is a common human experience.

People experience a range of emotional reactions when faced with sudden and significant life changes. This process is known as the "grief and loss" process. It includes stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

We often look for ways to protect ourselves, which may include listening to our parents' opinions and choosing paths they consider more stable or beneficial for the future. It's likely that your ex-boyfriend is also going through this psychological process.

His behavior is not a denial of your personal value. It is a compromise when facing family pressure and personal future planning.

Your description reveals your commitment to the relationship and your concerns about the future, which are very normal reactions. You are right to be concerned about your age and childbirth. These are social and cultural factors that may affect you.

Your value is not determined by external labels. You have your own strengths and potential, and your happiness should not depend on the expectations of others or social standards.

You also mentioned your age and the question of having children, which are very practical and important considerations. However, everyone's life trajectory is unique, and there is no fixed pattern or timetable.

Thirty is not a finishing line, it's a new beginning. Many people find their career passion and life direction at this age. Your value is not determined by other people's expectations or social standards. It's determined by your own actions, your kindness to yourself and others, and how you face the challenges of life.

The question you asked about whether military spouses have formal jobs is actually about social roles and expectations.

Let's be clear: in many cultures and societies, there is a perception that certain occupations or identities make better partners. But this is neither reasonable nor necessary. Everyone has their own value and potential, regardless of their occupation.

In these difficult times, it is crucial to prioritize self-care. It is okay to feel the pain and to give yourself the space to experience and express your emotions.

Crying, keeping a diary, or talking to a trusted friend are all healthy ways to deal with your emotions. The pain will ease with time, and you will find a way to move forward.

Set new goals and plans for yourself, whether in your career or personal life.

Everyone's life choices are diverse, and there is no uniform standard. What matters is finding a lifestyle that suits you, regardless of whether it meets other people's expectations.

You will learn something from this relationship, whether it's about yourself, the relationship, or life.

Your future is full of possibilities. You will find a way to start over, even if you cannot see it now.

You will get through this. Stay strong, believe in yourself, and find your own happiness.

Every effort is worth seeing, and every drop of sweat is worthy of respect. Feedback, attention, or praise is not only recognition, but also an incentive.

This feedback is like spring rain, nourishing our hearts and giving us the motivation we need to pursue excellence and create more value.

Hello, I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who employs visual imagery as a tool for communication.

The questioner experienced a breakup with a cliffhanger, which can be a very painful experience for anyone who goes through it. It's natural to have a range of emotions, including feelings of grievance, unwillingness, and anger, and it's important to have a process of resolution to work through them.

I appreciate that you have finally asked how to move on from this situation. It shows that you are beginning to focus on your own needs rather than trying to win him back.

As the old saying goes, "You can only see a person clearly after experiencing some things." From your description, it seems that when your ex-boyfriend is just being himself, he is very caring and responsible. However, it also appears that when he is with his parents, he becomes a child who has no opinions of his own.

He has come to realize that he is not responsible for you, and given some things his parents said, he has come to believe that you may not be the best match for him. He has even gone on a blind date. In light of these events, you may find it helpful to reflect on the clarity with which you saw this person before marriage and the potential for avoiding future challenges.

To move on from the pain of a breakup, it might be helpful to let go of the expectation of "as soon as possible" and accept that you are feeling bad because of the breakup. This breakup may have made you doubt yourself, but it's important to realize that having a job does not define your value or worthiness of love.

It might be worth considering that if you "take the exam" in order to get a job, it may not necessarily enhance your sense of self-worth.

This breakup could be seen as an opportunity. You may not need someone else to take responsibility for you, but you could perhaps find a sense of self-control, such as "I am the master of my own life," from the bottom of your heart. When you can truly take responsibility for yourself and willingly put in the effort, you may find that the whole person radiates a vigorous and exuberant vitality.

At this time, healing from a breakup is no longer a passive process of acceptance and suffering. Instead, it can be a process of actively creating and changing yourself.

Following a breakup, you may find yourself with more time to yourself. This could be an opportunity to engage in activities that require effort and have the potential to generate value and positive experiences. For instance, going to a restaurant and enjoying a delicious meal may not be particularly challenging, yet it's still possible to feel sad while eating, wishing he were there.

If you were to try making this dish yourself, you might find that you gain a sense of fulfillment from acquiring a new skill, the empathy of online interaction, and the self-satisfaction of having done something worthwhile.

By engaging in more meaningful pursuits, you can not only overcome the challenges of waiting and suffering, but also gain valuable experiences and insights. You will discover that there is a vast world of possibilities and experiences waiting for you to explore, beyond the realm of romantic relationships.

I wish you the best!

Ocean Sonic Analysis:

1. [Emotional problems] Anger and emotional outbursts can damage any intimate relationship. Discuss the matter objectively and communicate and understand each other to ease or even disappear the conflict.

You said he was forced to go on a blind date and he wasn't happy. You were angry with him. You felt you needed comfort, so doesn't he also need it?

If you think about it, the imbalance won't seem so bad.

2. The key to marriage is being suitable for each other. If you are suitable for each other, you won't have to try to prevent a breakup. What the other person's family values is the establishment. There are practical reasons why they value the establishment so much.

You can find out if military wives have jobs. But it is common knowledge that soldiers defend the country, and military wives sacrifice a lot, taking care of the home and family.

You need to face being apart for a long time.

If you need someone to be there for you, a soldier is not the right choice. Soldiers sacrifice their families for the greater good. If you can dedicate yourself to your country and your family, that is also great. You can try to persuade him to stay.