My boyfriend has been cheating on me. I broke up with him, but I find it hard to let go.

My name is Gu Yi. I am a modest and self-effacing individual, with a consistent demeanor.

The individual is wholly dedicated to the pursuit of self-discovery, yet finds themselves in a quandary.

In such a situation, it would be challenging for anyone to provide a satisfactory answer. On the one hand, there are two years of dedication from the individual, and on the other hand, there is an unclear and ambiguous identity. We aim to account for our dedication, and we require a more appropriate identity. It is as difficult as it is heartbreaking to achieve a balance.

Dear Questioner, I empathize with your sadness, but I am unable to persuade you to the best course of action. Given the circumstances, it would be advisable to let go, as the man in question has not abandoned his original family and does not intend to do so. It is possible that he genuinely loves you and has recognized your dedication for over two years. However, it is not possible for you to choose him, and that is also true. Best regards, [Your Name]

It is evident that this situation is challenging for both parties. Given the inherent complexities from the outset, it is understandable that feelings of distress and disappointment have arisen. Regardless of the decision you ultimately make, your heart will guide you. You are seeking input to help you make an informed decision.

Please follow your heart.

The question at hand is whether to terminate the relationship or continue.

Two years of dedication is indicative of your commitment to the relationship. There are no significant issues in the known conditions, except that the unknown conditions are beyond your control. You have invested a great deal of emotional capital in the relationship over the past two years, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is also a positive investment. It would be unwise to deny yourself because of the other person.

Now that you are aware of the situation, it is likely that the two of you will not have the same level of compatibility as you once did. This is why it is important for us to have an open and constructive conversation to ensure that we understand each other's perspectives. Regardless of the future direction of the relationship, it is essential for you to define your personal identity. This is a crucial step in respecting yourself and your needs.

Discuss the matter openly and honestly. Voice your concerns and questions. The solution will become apparent. There may be some discomfort, but it is essential to approach the situation with a positive mindset. Avoidance is not a solution. Addressing the issue directly is the only way to find a mutually beneficial resolution. By doing so, we can establish a clear understanding of expectations and goals. This is the only way to maintain respect for the relationship. It has started on a positive note, so it is important to avoid hasty decisions.

Best regards,

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart coach. I've read your post and I can really feel the conflict and frustration in your heart from what you've written.

I also want to say that I admire you for being so open and honest about your feelings. It takes a lot of courage to share your struggles and actively seek help, and I believe it will help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your boyfriend. This will allow you to make a decision that truly aligns with your heart's desire.

I'd also like to share some thoughts and observations from your post that might help you see things from a different angle.

1. The reason why you can't let go

It's so sad to see how much you've invested in this relationship. It's been two years, and you've built a life together. It's natural to feel cheated when your boyfriend's ex-wife comes into the picture. It's a tough spot to be in.

I totally get it. I feel angry too because of my boyfriend's deception. I even feel a little insecure about him.

But on the other hand, if you break up, you have invested two years. The part of the two years where your boyfriend treated you well, the part of the two years where you were happy and content, will all be gone. And I also believe that the original poster truly loves him, otherwise you wouldn't have been together for two years.

It's totally normal to feel like you're lost after finding out about your boyfriend's cheating. It's like you're suddenly in a maze with no map and no idea which way to go.

This is totally normal! I think the original poster can now try to give themselves some time and space. It's okay to take your time to face and deal with this sudden matter.

Once you've had a chance to calm down, you'll probably feel more calm and objective, and it'll be easier to see the essence of the problem. So don't worry if you don't know how to choose now — it's okay to slow down and take things slowly!

2. Take some time to think about your bottom line and principles.

When we're facing difficult choices and challenges, it can be really helpful to take a moment to think about what kind of intimate relationship we want, what our core needs are in an intimate relationship, and where our bottom line and principles lie. I know you asked your boyfriend what happened when his ex-wife showed up at the scene three weeks after his grandfather's death, and I'm here to support you in any way I can.

He didn't answer your question directly, and he even said you were to blame for not believing him. It's so hard to know what to make of that kind of response!

I'm not sure if he's avoiding the issue or if he's just being sensitive.

Of course, you can also seek proof of this if you'd like. But for ourselves, after thinking clearly about what kind of relationship we want

Once you know your own principles and bottom lines, you may have to stick to them. This is something you can do for yourself, and I'm here to support you.

3. If you need help, please don't hesitate to ask.

It can be really tough to face this challenge head-on, especially for the host. It takes a lot of wisdom and courage! So, remember that you can also seek help if you need it. If you have the conditions and resources, you can seek help from professionals.

Maybe the people around you who are wiser can help you out.

If not, don't worry! We can also help ourselves. We can help ourselves by learning and improving ourselves. For example, you can read some books and courses on intimate relationships. Books include "I Wish You Knew Before Marriage" and "Intimate Relationships" by Teacher Huang Qituan.

I really hope these are helpful and inspiring for you! If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication and exchange.

Hello, question asker!

You're clearly uneasy. You feel cheated and want to break up, but you can't bear to do so after two years. You're worried that continuing the relationship is a scam. You're confused and torn!

You may want to decide on your choice immediately, but you can't do that when you're hesitant. Let's discuss it together!

You must accept yourself, calm down, and avoid making any hasty decisions.

It is understandable to feel surprised, shocked, or even angry when this happens. After two years of getting to know each other, you were prepared to accept his daughter and enter into marriage. However, it is challenging to accept the challenge to your identity and the lack of respect when you ask for the truth. It is natural to feel anxious in this situation. It is important to accept these complex, confusing, and anxious emotions and not fight against them.

Avoid the impulsive stage in all decisions. Don't make a decision for now. Not making a decision is not forgiving the other person who may have made a mistake. It's a cooling-off period to think things over and discuss the matter at length.

☘️ You should express all your doubts and questions to your partner directly. Make it clear that the resolution of these issues concerns both of you and the trust in the relationship. Demand that both parties calm down for a while and meet again to resolve the issues.

During the cooling-off period, establish your own boundaries. Don't suppress your needs just to maintain the relationship.

During the cooling-off period, the other person will have to think about how to respond to your doubts. You also need to seriously consider your bottom line requirements for your intimate relationship. This makes it easier to establish solid boundaries and makes it easier for you to make choices.

For example, if you cannot announce your identity in front of your friends and family, you must accept that.

– For example, are you willing to accept lies, including so-called white lies, to maintain a relationship?

For example, you need to decide whether you can accept interference with your freedom to make friends and other controlling behavior.

If you know your needs and set boundaries, you'll have what you need for a good relationship. If your needs aren't met, you can make a choice.

☘️Two years may be a long time, but marriage is even longer. Forgiving is not the solution to problems. Mutual respect for boundaries is essential for a long-lasting relationship.

During the problem-solving period, focus on the future and don't forget to care for yourself.

When facing problems and solving them, remember to focus on your inner needs and the future. Don't let the other person manipulate you emotionally by seeking forgiveness or playing the "emotion card." Solve problems with logic, not emotions.

You must be aware of the good times of the past two years and communicate sincerely while keeping the facts in mind. This is the attitude that will make you live up to the good times and focus on the future.

☘️If you can care for yourself and love yourself well, you will be treated gently by the world. When solving problems, you must remain aware, not act emotionally, find the truth, assess your ability to accept, and then decide whether to renew the old good or part ways.

Love may require temporary compromises, but marriage requires a lifetime of comfort and security. You can argue, but there must be enough resources to support each other until old age. It is crucial to establish mutual trust.

The world and I love you!

Hello, host, I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're in a bit of a fog about your relationship. I get the feeling that he's not being totally honest with you and that he hasn't really taken responsibility for your feelings. If you were really together, would you be able to imagine a happy future?

But you say you've been together for two years and you're still unable to let go. From a psychological perspective, we like and are attracted to someone because they satisfy certain needs in us.

If you can meet these needs in other ways, then you can definitely move on and look for relationships and people that can truly make you happy.

What are you ultimately hoping to gain from being with him? I think it's love and happiness, right?

From what you've told me, it seems like he might not be able to give you the love and happiness you're looking for.

What is love?

From a psychological standpoint, a complete love relationship is made up of three key components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. While all three are essential, the proportion of each may vary from person to person. This difference is also reflected in the different views on love that each of us has. For example, some people value passion more, some value intimacy more, and some value commitment more. There is no right or wrong, just different.

If you want to reap the rewards of a happy relationship, though, we need to grasp these three important factors in intimacy: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Passion is what gets you excited about the other person. It's the sexual side of love and an emotional fascination.

How someone looks and their inner charm can play a big part in getting people excited.

A girl might not want to do anything because she has a stomachache and can't muster the energy. Then, a phone call comes in, and when she finds out it's from her boyfriend, she instantly feels like she's on a sugar high.

The girl's shift from boredom to joy is a testament to the power of passion.

Intimacy is about the warm, emotional connection you have with your partner. It's about liking and appreciating them, wanting to care for them, and being open and honest with them.

Intimacy is that warm feeling you get in a romantic relationship. It's about liking the other person on a psychological level, including appreciation, wanting to care for them, sharing yourself with them, and communicating with them on a deeper level.

When you have something on your mind, you can talk about it with the other person. They won't accuse or criticize you, but will accept and support you unconditionally. When you feel that there is a need that has not been met, you tell the other person what your need is. They are willing to try their best to meet your need. This is intimacy.

Commitment is about making a decision to keep a relationship going or to stick to a promise. It's mainly about how you feel about love, whether that's inside or out loud. It's the most logical part of love. When you're committed to a relationship, you feel safe and you both have the same expectations.

You have principles in your relationship that you both need to stick to, and you have shared expectations for the future. You plan to go on trips together, go to the movies, go out to dinner, and participate in a public welfare activity together.

You have principles in your relationship that you both need to stick to, and you have shared expectations for the future. You plan to go on trips together, go to the movies, go out for big meals, and participate in a public welfare activity...

When you're committed to a relationship, you feel secure. You're responsible for making it work, so you'll take the initiative to repair things after an argument, find out what caused it, and plan some fun surprises for your partner.

If you're committed to the relationship, you'll feel secure. You'll take the initiative to repair things after an argument, find out what caused it, and come up with some fun surprises for the everyday.

So, is there just passion in your relationship? Is there no intimacy or commitment?

This kind of love makes it tough to find long-lasting, stable happiness.

And there are also laws that govern how love develops. You won't always be in the romantic period. You'll eventually have to follow the laws of love and enter the period of friction and monotony. At that time, without intimacy and commitment, what will sustain you as you go along?

We need to be careful not to idealize love and let our emotions run wild. Sometimes we imagine love to be too detached and romantic, thinking that getting married means being with the person you love most and living a carefree and happy life together from then on.

Married life is actually pretty ordinary, concrete, and realistic. As you can see, his relationship with his ex-wife is still a bit ambiguous, and there isn't yet a lot of trust between you, which will probably lead to some conflicts.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide whether or not to stay with him. We're just offering suggestions from an outside perspective. Each of us needs to be responsible for our own lives, and the choice is yours. How you choose can be determined through "issue separation." In other words, when you make a decision, you have to think about the consequences and then take responsibility for them.

For instance, you could choose to stay with him, but you'd also have to deal with the consequences, like working through your trust issues and learning to manage your relationship. Alternatively, you could choose to separate from him, which would mean facing the sadness of leaving him while also figuring out how to meet his needs in the relationship in other ways.

You can also take some time to think about why you like him so much. Is it because he makes you feel secure?

Or is there something else? Could it be that you're looking for these traits in yourself, but don't have them?

If you're not with him, can you meet this part of your needs in other reasonable ways?

I think that when you take a step back and look at your relationship and your story, and combine that with the topics of separation and self-awareness of needs, you'll get the answer you're looking for.

Anyway, I wish you the best!

Hello, question owner!

And gives you a hug from afar to comfort your angry, depressed, and tangled heart!

It's totally normal to feel angry when you think your boyfriend has been cheating on you.

On the other hand, he feels very helpless and confused, and seems reluctant to give up the relationship. This is a great opportunity for him to grow and learn!

I'm so excited to learn more about how you met your boyfriend and how you met in person!

If it's an online relationship, it's a great opportunity to reflect on whether you've really been scammed.

It's clear that you and your boyfriend are in a long-distance relationship, which is a unique and exciting way to connect! The sense of distance in space and the fact that this kind of long-distance relationship

It's easy to see why people might be suspicious. After all, it inherently brings a lot of uncertainty. So, your suspicions and doubts about him, as well as

It's totally understandable to feel cheated on! The key point is that when you voiced your suspicions, your boyfriend seemed to be in a state of anger and humiliation.

Rebuttal: It seems that your attitude of doubting yourself and your uncertainty about your love have shaken him, thus leading you into

You're in a state of confusion, and that's okay!

And here, we also get to be more critical of our perceptions!

You're absolutely right! Our brains are wired to think in terms of cause and effect, linear relationships, and proof!

For example, if we suspect that our boyfriend is cheating on us or has fallen in love with someone else, we always look for clues with this assumption in mind.

Once you find the clues you're looking for, it's like solving a case! You immediately know that your suspicions were correct.

In fact, many times, vague evidence and phenomena often lead us to make assumptions!

I don't know what kind of person your boyfriend is or whether he's cheating on you, but one thing is for sure: if you're really going for marriage, you need to

Go ahead and verify whether he is really divorced!

Guess what! You can use his ID card to find out this fact at the police station or the civil affairs bureau!

So in just two short years, you can completely verify whether your boyfriend is single after divorce or has always been married!

I'm excited to tell you what I'm trying to say!

Even if the boyfriend has already separated from his ex-wife, if they go through the divorce process, your intervention is tantamount to destroying someone else's marriage.

It's not just unethical, it's untenable in terms of social ethics, and the pressure of public opinion will be even greater!

So if you want to be with a single divorced man, both parties must be legally single. If we

You might be taking a chance, thinking that since the wife is separated, we can start a relationship. This is wishful thinking, but it's a great idea!

Your internal emotional need has rationalized the man's divorced single condition, thereby involving us in an exciting, unpredictable risk!

But what about the unpredictable risk?

I want to give you a wake-up call and pour cold water on your head!

If you are easily lulled into a romantic relationship just because you heard that the other person is separated or divorced, it may be that you

Are you unsure of your boundaries? It's possible that he's complicit in the situation you're in today!

Let's dive in!

So, should you stop the relationship and leave?

From what I've seen, your boyfriend is really interested in what you're up to! He's probably just keeping an eye on you to make sure you're not doing anything you'll regret.

And if you just ask him about his situation with his ex-wife, he may just shut you up. From this, it can be inferred that your relationship is very mismatched, which means there's room for improvement!

You are the one who is very passive, and it seems that you are more resigned to being with him.

It's only natural to wonder what you really want in this relationship!

The key point is whether you have found what you need in this relationship. If you leave,

If you leave, you'll be depriving yourself of this need, which may cause you great pain and trauma from separation.

If you find that the relationship is getting more and more awkward, it's time to take action! You need to rebuild trust and make the relationship work. And if you're in a long-distance relationship, you've got an extra challenge to overcome.

If you can't meet up, it'll only lead to more suspicion and trouble. This kind of relationship

What could be more exciting than that?

If the man, in order to avoid your suspicions, not only gives his word, but is willing to get married right away and even takes action,

Absolutely! If you've given an engagement gift or produced a divorce certificate, then you can absolutely continue to consider staying together.

Finally, I'd like to emphasize:

If you think your love has no future and you still want to stay together, it's because you both need it for the time being — and that's a great thing!

If you expect too much and criticize each other too much, you'll just be creating a cocoon for yourself and inviting trouble!

I'm counselor Yao, and I'm here to support and care about you!

Hello!

I totally get why you and your boyfriend of two years are hurting and confused about the trust issues.

The incident started when a friend accidentally revealed that three weeks after his boyfriend's grandfather passed away, the boyfriend's ex-wife was still wearing her daughter-in-law's funeral clothes when she was at the scene. You asked your boyfriend about this, but he evaded the question, saying that you didn't trust him. He usually checks your phone records as well, so it seems that there is some mutual distrust between you.

Trust is the foundation of an intimate relationship. Once this foundation is lost, the relationship becomes fragile and easily collapses. It's so important to build trust based on a deep understanding, mutual respect, and communication and exchange.

It's totally normal to have conflicts and problems in a relationship. The important thing is to figure out the facts, communicate, and understand each other. That way, you can resolve conflicts or make your own choices.

If a friend tells you the news, and you can maintain a basic trust in your boyfriend, try not to jump to conclusions. Instead, see if what he said is true and, if so, what it means. First, find out the truth. Don't jump to a catastrophic imagination like "how many other things is he lying about?"

It might be helpful to think about whether there are some problems with your own way of thinking. It's good to think in different ways when it comes to important issues in life. It's probably best not to be too subjective or to seek proof according to the conclusions we imagine.

It can be really tough to build trust in a relationship, even after two years together. If you're still struggling to establish that basic level of trust, it might be time to take a step back and see what you can do to make things better.

Take a moment to think about why you've been in this relationship for two years without really establishing trust. What have you wanted and gained from it?

Is it just the two years that you can't let go of, or is there something else that you cherish? I'd love to know what it is!

When it comes to the big choices in life, no one can make them for you. You're the only one who has to live with the results.

I really hope that Hongyu's reply helps you out! Thanks so much for asking!

Greetings. I am Heart's Refuge.

From the information provided in the question, it appears that there may be uncertainty regarding the true marital status of the individual in question, who has been in a relationship with the same person for two years.

Please describe the circumstances of your initial encounter. What qualities of his initially attracted you to him?

At the time of their initial encounter, did the subject assume the responsibility of disclosing his marital status and the existence of his child?

What was your response when he informed you of this information? Have you contemplated the potential for the children to present challenges to the stability of your relationship?

If you have considered this, it would appear that you have a profound affinity for him and are prepared to accept any potential ramifications of your relationship.

Upon the celebration of his grandfather's third anniversary, he initially presented himself as the daughter-in-law, which was perplexing. Furthermore, he did not provide direct responses to the inquiries posed. It is reasonable to hypothesize that he may be concealing certain information.

Over the course of the two-year relationship, have you had the opportunity to meet his family, including his children?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether his family members are aware of the nature of your relationship.

You indicated that you entered into the relationship with the intention of marrying your partner. Did you explicitly convey this intention to him?

In the event that one makes their feelings clear, how does the other party react? Does this align with one's expectations?

If not, what are the reasons for this? Are there any concerns that should be addressed?

What are your emotional responses when he ascribes blame to you for your lack of trust?

Please describe your typical pattern of interaction with this person. Additionally, please provide a detailed account of the manner in which he treats you.

The question thus arises as to whether such a situation can be accepted.

Apart from the ex-wife, what information do you have about him?

It is a challenging process to terminate a relationship that has endured for two years.

In point of fact, the decision of whether or not to terminate the relationship is always within your control.

It is recommended that you take the time to calm down and think seriously about the aforementioned questions. Once you are willing to face your true thoughts and feelings, the answer will become clear.

I extend my sincerest wishes for your well-being. It is my hope that you will come to recognize your inherent worth and the right you have to a fulfilling and harmonious relationship.

Good day, the inquirer.

From your account, your friend indicated that your boyfriend and his ex-wife were present at his grandfather's funeral, which led you to suspect that your boyfriend may have been unfaithful. You are experiencing a range of emotions, including sadness, disappointment, and a sense of being torn between the desire to leave your boyfriend and the fear of doing so. I empathize with your situation and extend my support from a distance.

From your statements, it appears that your boyfriend frequently accesses your phone and does not permit you to inquire about his former spouse. This behavior suggests that he may be concealing information from you. It is possible that he has not divorced his former spouse, or that their relationship has always been amicable, placing you in the position of a third party. It is not too late for you to recognize your boyfriend's state and behavior in a timely manner. You may also choose to engage in open communication with your boyfriend to ascertain his perspective and the truth of the matter, or you can seek information from your friends. Regardless of the circumstances, it is essential to remain calm, rational, and think carefully before making a decision.

If this is the trajectory of the relationship, it is unlikely that your boyfriend will marry you. It is important to recognize that, from a male perspective, marriage is a highly significant aspect of life. Despite the duration of the relationship, he may not marry you because he views family and marriage as matters of paramount importance. If he truly loved you or had significant emotional issues with his former spouse, he would have divorced her long ago and married you. As women, we must be discerning and have the capacity to choose to withdraw and leave. It is essential to consider our genuine desires and then make our next decision.

In summary, it is unlikely that such a man will remain married to you. Even if he divorces his former spouse for you, if he subsequently meets another woman, you may also face a similar outcome. It must be acknowledged that this is merely a conjecture, and it is up to the individual to ascertain the truth. It is essential to develop the ability to differentiate between reality and fantasy, to cultivate self-love, and to recognize that when one is in a state of genuine self-acceptance, individuals who genuinely care for them will seek them out. It is crucial to prioritize self-improvement and to radiate one's unique charm, as this will attract positive individuals into one's life.

It is my sincere hope that this response will prove beneficial to you.

Hello, host.

Give him a warm hug!

Thank you for sharing your story.

You said, "I've been with my boyfriend for two years. He's six years older than me, he was married before, and he has a daughter with his ex-wife. I stayed with him because he kept telling me that he was divorced, and I believed him.

One day, a friend revealed that when his boyfriend's grandfather passed away three weeks ago, he saw his ex-wife at the funeral wearing the mourning clothes of a daughter-in-law. I asked him what was going on, but instead of answering my question, he kept blaming me for not believing him.

He checks my call history when I talk to my friends on the phone, but he won't tell me about his ex-wife. I can't ask him about it. Should I break up with him when I encounter such things?

It's true that after two years together, it's a bit hard to let go, but I refuse to think about how much else he's lied to me. I will cut my losses while I can.

There are three elements to a good marriage: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Commitment not only represents marriage, but also expresses the need for two people in an intimate relationship to be faithful to each other.

We'll examine this from two angles. First, you love your boyfriend. He did get divorced, but it was just bad luck. He also has a divorced wife who gets along well with his parents-in-law and came to the funeral. You love him, so you choose to believe him.

Second, your boyfriend is cheating on you. What is the reason for his cheating?

You need to decide whether you love him or not. If you choose a man in a second marriage with children, you need to consider carefully how you, as his partner, should handle the many connections with his ex-wife for the sake of the child.

These must be based on your trust.

You have two options. Believe first, communicate well with your boyfriend, ask yourself if you are willing to love each other again, and then make a decision.

The world and I love you!

You are asking whether you should break up or stop the loss in time, which may be because you feel that he has been lying to you and you are angry. You are together with the mentality of marrying him, but it is possible that he has not divorced at all. He is very controlling of you, checking your communication records, but he won't give you a clear explanation of his affairs with his ex-wife. This seems to be a double standard.

It's understandable that you feel you can't let go after being with him for two years. However, have you considered the possibility that he may not have divorced at all? It's important to remember that you are in different places and have no control over him at all. It's possible that he divorced his ex-wife but is still in contact with her, or that he has another girlfriend.

Ideally, if he wants to marry you, he should provide you with sufficient security, explain his relationship with his wife, and plan for the future with you. However, it seems that he is not taking any action in this regard at the moment.

It might be helpful to ask yourself what you want in this situation. If you are willing to accept the possibility of remaining in a romantic relationship without the possibility of marriage, you may wish to consider continuing to be with him.

If you feel like you want to marry him, it might be helpful to get to know him better, find out if he is really divorced, and learn more about his character and the reasons behind his divorce. It's also important to be discerning when it comes to what he says and to trust your own instincts.

It would be wise to decide what to do based on your own needs.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, and thank you for your question. It's clear from your description that you feel your boyfriend has deceived you. It also seems that you're in a passive position in the relationship and that you're feeling conflicted, worried, and a little anxious. I can see that you're hoping your boyfriend will be honest with you and let you know the truth.

1. "I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. He's six years older than me, he's been married before, and he has a daughter with his ex-wife. I was so in love with him and I really wanted to get married, so I stayed with him even though he kept telling me that he was divorced."

It's clear that the relationship has lasted for two years, and it's been a bit of a rocky road. The other person is married with children. Even though he told you that he got a divorce, it would be good to know for sure. Did he show you the divorce certificate? Or did you check online whether his marital status is divorced?

Have you had the chance to meet his children? Or have you been to his house in the past two years?

I used to use our local convenience service software, which is really handy because it can not only check our educational background, but also marriage and divorce information. If it were me, I would find out about the other person's information at the beginning to see if what he said was true. I would also tell the other person about my true situation, so that both parties would slowly build trust from the beginning.

2. "We don't live together, so we don't see each other often. But one day, my friend accidentally revealed something pretty surprising. When her boyfriend's grandfather died three weeks ago, she saw her ex-wife at the scene. She was still wearing her daughter-in-law's funeral clothes! I asked him what was going on, but he didn't directly answer my question. Instead, he kept blaming me for not believing him."

I'm just wondering if in the past two years you've mostly chatted with your boyfriend online, or do you spend the weekends together?

Have they already talked about getting married? I'm so curious!

My friend saw the scene three weeks after her boyfriend's grandfather passed away. She saw her ex-wife wearing her daughter-in-law's mourning clothes. It made her think: under normal circumstances, after a divorce, would she still wear her daughter-in-law's mourning clothes?

I don't think so. So I really think the questioner's concern and communication are necessary. Of course I can understand your feelings, but when communicating, you should pay attention to your tone and ask slowly. For example, you can first tell him your feelings and thoughts without accusing the other party, and then ask the other party why his ex-wife is wearing her daughter-in-law's mourning clothes?

If he's not ready to face the problem head-on, being vague and blaming you instead, he'll only make you worry again. This isn't a lack of trust on your part, but rather a problem that needs to be communicated and dealt with honestly in order to move forward.

3. "Normally, when I chat with my friends on the phone, he looks at my call history, but he says he can't tell me about his ex-wife, so I can't ask."

From this, it seems like there might be an imbalance in your relationship. It's not easy to be honest with someone we love, and it's possible that he's holding back some things from you. It's also possible that he's afraid of what you might find out.

Or is it really just as simple as he said, that he feels you don't trust him? This is something you need to work on, my dear. We don't know the specific reasons, but the fact that he checked your phone records is indeed a sign of his distrust.

4. "Should you break up when something like this happens? It's true that after being together for two years, it's a bit hard to let go, but I'm afraid to think about how much more he's lied to me. Should I stop the bleeding in time?"

I really think the questioner should know the answer, whether or not you need to break up. It's just that it's been a long time together, and it's hard all of a sudden, right? If you choose to break up, it's likely that you will need to face the feeling of separation.

It's so important to be prepared mentally. If you choose to continue, can you accept this unequal relationship?

It's totally normal to have these concerns when you're in a relationship with someone you don't know the truth about and who isn't willing to work through the issues. It's your decision, and only you can make it. What attracts you to stay in this relationship?

One last piece of advice: communicate deeply and thoroughly, and then make your decision. Whatever you decide, I'm here for you, because your path is one you need to walk.

I really hope things work out for you!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

Your confessions and grievances show an unequal status in this relationship. He questions you for asking about his affairs and talking to your friends on the phone, which is a sign of distrust.

You've been together for two years. You trust him and believe everything he says. He has a daughter and divorced family. You can't stop seeing each other with children. The questioner is getting married.

Can you face reality?

The other person has a daughter with his ex-wife. The questioner doesn't know if he is divorced. There are practical problems to face. It is hard to be a stepmother. It is about being over-loving or abusive. If children from single-parent families do not feel enough love, it affects their psychology.

When someone wants to enter their home, they feel it is an invasion. So can the child accept themselves, and does the questioner have the ability to make the child accept themselves?

Is it worth it?

You're not together often, so you can't control him. He can control you. He might even make it seem like he loves you.

If you question him, he'll change the subject. He'll make you feel insecure. If he loves you, he won't let that happen.

Method: Find out the truth.

Observe your boyfriend's behavior. If you've been together for more than two years, it's natural to bring up marriage. After you do, watch his expression. When someone is lying, their eyes change.

You can find out the truth by looking at the register or applying for a certificate. Only after a real divorce can he apply for a certificate with the original poster. If he refuses, the original poster will probably know.

Method: Ask for proof.

The first method will take more time and effort. Asking for proof will show your boyfriend his attitude. If he won't tell the truth, how can you trust him?

Don't believe I have a difficult situation. Give me time and I will handle it. This is just a way to get someone to do what you want. You chose to be together, and you will progress and grow together. This kind of relationship will always affect your relationship.

Read "Intimate Relationship Management."

Mr. Chen Lijie's book can help us deal with conflicts in intimate relationships. I hope my answer helps the questioner.