My boyfriend has depression. Every time he says he's feeling down, I'm at a loss for what to do?

Hello. It is evident that you care about and love your boyfriend. You are concerned about his feelings, and he occupies a significant portion of your mental space. This is reminiscent of Faye Wong's song "You are happy, so I am happy." His sadness has also become your sadness. Your genuine feelings are heartfelt.

Furthermore, you perceive a multitude of conflicts and insecurities within yourself, which, when coupled with your boyfriend's current state of being, makes it challenging for him to provide the care and support you require. Even when you need him to respond, he may not be able to do so. It seems that you are also unable to express your feelings and demand more from him, let alone blame him for your situation.

I believe that at this juncture, you would benefit from a great deal of care and attention to yourself. Many individuals in a relationship assume that if they are unhappy, it is impossible for their partner to be happy, because that kind of love is not sincere enough and is too self-centered.

It is important to note that there is no contradiction between paying more attention to oneself and feeling "not loved enough." This concept can be illustrated by the example of a flight attendant instructing passengers to put on their own oxygen mask first before assisting others in an emergency.

Individuals with depression often perceive the word "fighting" as a threat. They may experience guilt due to their inability to fully internalize the encouragement provided by others. Given the difficulty they face in regulating their emotions, they may also engage in self-blame, questioning their ability to experience happiness. It is unclear whether your boyfriend has received formal treatment or psychological counseling. However, these avenues represent a crucial step in providing him with the necessary support.

Once he has processed his feelings and needs, you may wish to invite him to discuss the type of love he desires.

It would also be beneficial to ascertain your own expectations regarding the nature of the relationship.

From your description, it is evident that you have a profound concern for your boyfriend and a strong desire to provide assistance, yet you feel constrained in your ability to do so. Before embarking on a discussion about the issue, if you permit, I would like to extend a gesture of warmth and support in the form of a hug.

When the subject states, "Every time he indicates that he is experiencing depressive symptoms, I am uncertain about the appropriate response. I tend to become emotionally overwhelmed, but I am hesitant to express my feelings for fear of exacerbating his distress. I am contemplating visiting him in his city, but I am concerned that when he is in a depressive state, I might become emotionally distraught in his presence, which might further intensify his symptoms," and it appears that the individual merely asserts that he will "get through it" to alleviate your concerns,

It seems reasonable to posit that the two of you place a high value on this relationship.

You stated, "I am unsure of how to provide comfort to him." It is understandable that in a different setting, there are limited options available. Instead of seeking a more diverse range of solutions, it may be more beneficial to focus on a single approach and dedicate more effort to it. This approach can also convey a sense of care and companionship to the other individual.

It seems reasonable to posit that, even though he may not always respond to your messages of concern in a timely manner, you may nevertheless perceive that he has received them and that they evince your concern for him. It would be prudent, therefore, to remind him to attend his appointments with the relevant medical professionals and to take his medication in a timely manner. You might also consider expressing your hope that he will be able to care for himself.

Once he has recovered, it would be beneficial to discuss with him what he would like you to do when he is depressed again and to inform him of your intentions to support him, with the aim of fostering greater ease during this challenging period.

The aforementioned information is provided for reference only and is not intended to be a definitive or absolute statement. It is recommended that you prioritize your own well-being.