My boyfriend is strong on the outside, but fragile on the inside. How should I take good care of him?

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun.

He knows you love and worry about him. He lacks a sense of security in the intimate relationship and needs you to provide him with emotional value. You may feel distressed, but you will also feel tired after a long period of time.

Let's tackle this together.

1. Your boyfriend lacks a sense of security and needs to understand his upbringing.

A child's level of insecurity is directly related to the amount of attention they receive from their parents when they are young, the state of their parents' marriage, and the parenting style they were brought up with.

You're right. Your boyfriend is vulnerable. He has a good career and family background, and he's only praised by his parents for his studies. He's basically just a "tool person" for his parents, a face and show-off.

Children who grow up under this parenting model are likely to develop a low sense of self-worth. They will think, "I am not worthy. I don't deserve it. I need to 'achieve' and 'get'."

Let me be clear: parents' love for their children is "conditional." Children who grow up in a family environment of "unconditional love and acceptance," more encouragement and trust, and constant affirmation, praise, and recognition can gain true self-confidence and an independent personality.

Many parents are too utilitarian and distort the meaning of education for their children. They fail to realize that cultivating a well-rounded person is hundreds of times better than getting into a 985 or 211 university or getting a good job.

It is a sad fact that ignorant parents hurt their children, who then pay the price for their lack of education throughout their lives.

2. Handle your intimate relationship like a boss.

Don't waste time crying over spilt milk. You're wise and have already seen the signs. Insecurity and other psychological imbalances can be healed, for example, through professional counseling, and psychological trauma can be repaired through certain techniques.

If you want to continue with him, you especially need to trust and help him here. Accompanying him to counseling sessions is essential for your relationship.

You are in love, and you are already feeling strong emotions. He is constantly "seeking love" because he lacks love and is "hungry" for it, constantly "looking for food." To love and be loved is a gift.

He will keep asking for love from the people in the relationship until he finds and satisfies an intimate partner.

You must remember that marriage is not just about him. It's also about you, and it's even more about the concerns of both sets of parents. You should be confident in your future and be fully prepared to welcome all challenges.

I highly recommend "Psychological Nutrition" and "If Only I Knew Before Marriage" for you.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. I love you, and I hope the world does too.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the lower right corner to chat.

Hello!

A pat on the shoulder: the original family's influence on children's relationships is real, but not absolute. A person's personality affects how they see their partner as an adult.

Problem analysis:

Boyfriend seems strong but is actually insecure.

Me: Unpretentious, stable, and reliable.

A crisis of trust in an intimate relationship

First, we look at how partners interact to see if they give positive or negative feedback. This helps us understand the core conflict and make timely adjustments to improve satisfaction.

The boyfriend has a glamorous background but lacks confidence in intimate relationships. This unease may be influenced by strict family education. The original family has a strong influence on the boyfriend. Can he be more than a "victim"?

The boyfriend shows he approves but also denies, which shows he cannot trust you and is afraid of losing you. This causes distress because it makes it hard to build trust. Instead, the relationship will be unstable.

The boyfriend's "sensitivity and suspicion" may be due to a lack of security influenced by his family of origin. However, if you always treat the other person with suspicion and test them, it will evolve into a relationship of "control" and "being controlled." Then love will change, and both parties will lose the ability to love.

How do you resolve intimacy issues?

1. Be open and let go of your sensitivity.

The boyfriend is sensitive and suspicious. The questioner feels uncomfortable and aggrieved with such a boyfriend who lacks a sense of security. But does every evasion and "indulgence" solve the problem? Or are the problems still occurring?

People avoid their true feelings and don't face each other with their most authentic selves. When they feel confused or doubtful, they should sit down calmly and communicate honestly. This lets their partner truly hear their feelings and reflect on themselves. The more they avoid it, the less they understand love and giving.

2. Stop being negative and don't fight.

When intimacy fades and everyone returns to their own lives, relationships often enter a "struggle for power" phase. This can feel hostile, but it's driven by our desire to control. Let's look at your interactions with your boyfriend. Do you tend to express negativity more than positivity when facing problems?

The boyfriend is carefree and may not notice if the questioner brings up problems. When the boyfriend constantly bargains over unimportant things, it wears down patience. It then becomes a relationship issue and causes suffering.

It's hard to change someone's personality or behavior. The key is to help them understand their own problems, correct any misunderstandings, be positive, and avoid negative behavior. This helps the relationship grow.

3. Encourage and recognize each other to improve the relationship.

The boyfriend is 25 and has reached adulthood. He has the ability to have an independent personality. When there are problems in the relationship, he can work through them by being aware of his emotions and regulating them. However, blaming the original family or demanding that the other person understand and tolerate him excessively are destructive and counterproductive. The relationship needs mutual recognition and encouragement to nourish each other's feelings.

Best of luck!

It can be reasonably assumed that your boyfriend was raised in an environment where his parents exhibited a tendency to be overly controlling. This may have instilled in him a need to work especially hard to be perceived as a good child in order to gain their approval. It is possible that as long as he is even slightly less than perfect, he experiences feelings of insecurity, which may manifest as anxiety and fear. This could be driven by a desire to maintain the approval of his parents or others.

Despite your desire to be with him indefinitely, his insecurity occasionally causes you distress. You care for him profoundly and are willing to provide him with care and support, but you are somewhat uncertain about how to interact with him or care for him effectively.

Let us examine this phenomenon from the perspective of behavioral psychology in order to gain insight into the underlying causes of your boyfriend's behavior.

From an early age, you have demonstrated independence and excellence, even going on to build a successful career. In the eyes of your boyfriend, you are perceived as being far more outstanding than he is, which gives rise to an inferiority complex formed by family suppression and the growth environment.

He believes that you are far superior to him, yet you have chosen to remain with him, which makes him feel as though his own superiority is somehow unreal and illusory. In the majority of cases, an outstanding woman would not choose to be with a man who is perceived to be inferior to her.

If there is a tangible benefit to be gained, or if the woman in question harbors other significant underlying issues, and if he has been in a relationship with her for an extended period without identifying any other problematic traits, then it can be reasonably assumed that her excellence is genuine. This leads to the conclusion that her feelings for him may not be entirely authentic, but rather driven by ulterior motives.

Consequently, he is perpetually concerned about the veracity of your affections for him.

To verify this, he will persist in testing you. Each time you exhibit the slightest indication of noncompliance with his desires, it is tantamount to confirming his perspective: "I was correct. This remarkable woman does not possess genuine feelings for me, but rather has ulterior motives."

It appears that his inner insecurity will fully manifest, resulting in the issuance of harsh warnings.

An excessively independent woman may make a man feel that his sense of existence in the relationship is insignificant, which can cause his inner insecurity to manifest as anxiety.

It is challenging to maintain a harmonious relationship with a boyfriend who exhibits significant insecurity. It is essential to cultivate the ability to tolerate his minor shortcomings.

It is often beneficial to solicit his opinion, even in instances where it is not strictly necessary. Alternatively, one can feign a need for his input. Regardless of the outcome, it is crucial to acknowledge and affirm his response. Identifying a task to which he can contribute is a valuable way to engage him. Following the completion of the task, it is important to express gratitude for his assistance. By doing so, one can foster a sense of reliance and mutual support within the relationship.

In a relationship where both partners are striving to achieve a sense of mutual understanding and acceptance, it is often beneficial for one to openly acknowledge their shortcomings or imperfections. This allows the other person to gain a more comprehensive understanding of the individual's true nature, which can help to alleviate feelings of inferiority that might otherwise arise from a perception of excessive excellence.

In conclusion, it should be noted that these strategies are merely provisional measures. To address your boyfriend's issues definitively, it is essential to draw upon your own wisdom and a robust inner sense of security to provide him with sufficient reassurance, or alternatively, to seek the guidance of a qualified professional counselor who can assist him in overcoming the psychological challenges shaped by his childhood and family experiences.

Hello, Cai Li! I'm a psychological counselor, and I'm here to help.

From your question, I can tell that you love him very much, and I can also understand the reasons behind his behavior.

♥️You say you want to take good care of him and get along with him, and I really believe you will!

He may seem like a grown-up and a very capable person, but inside him lives a little insecure child, a "troublemaker" who comes out to wreak havoc when he's unhappy.

So, if he is such an insecure, temperamental child, how would you take care of him? I'm sure you would know just what to do!

♥️He keeps testing you because he's having a hard time believing he can have someone's love. It's okay, we've all been there! How could I possibly have something so good?

Is it true that I have finally got what I never had from my parents? He just wants to run away at the slightest sign of trouble, bless him. Sometimes he is even a little paranoid.

♥️His mood swings are also due to internal conflict. He wants to possess but is also afraid of hurting himself.

♥️So, you have to be prepared mentally. You've got this! You can do it! You just have to "survive" his test attacks again and again, until he really believes that he is worthy of love.

♥️Of course, if he's open to it, he can also try to seek professional psychological counseling services to help himself reduce the negative influence of his own family of origin. If he's not willing, there's nothing you can do about it, but I'm sure you'll both be okay!

♥️Perseverance is victory, my friend! ✊

The questioner expressed gratitude for the present and indicated appreciation for the opportunity to meet.

From your description, it is evident that he lacks a sense of security and requires genuine attention to his inner feelings and needs, not merely his outward appearance. Concurrently, he needs autonomy and the assurance to express his feelings candidly.

Furthermore, this behaviour is not a result of his upbringing by his biological family. Therefore, you will be able to attract him due to the safety and freedom that he desires but has not yet experienced.

His sensitivity and anxiety stem from an internal sense of insecurity during his formative years. This has led to a tendency to adjust his behavior to ensure his safety, which has been reinforced over time.

In front of you, he feels safe, so he may act out and even say harsh things. That is the emotion that he has suppressed inside and is afraid to express. You have provided him with a secure environment to express it. These harsh words and emotions are not directed at you. They stem from numerous past emotional traumas that have been suppressed. They are triggered by encounters with things that have opened up these imprints and released the emotions, so you don't need to concern yourself with them.

To facilitate change, it is essential to help the individual identify the psychological needs underlying their emotions, provide consistent reassurance, allow for safe expression of emotions within a defined range, and reassure them frequently. It is also recommended to engage in professional counseling to enhance the effectiveness of these efforts.

I wish you the best of luck!

I believe he is fortunate to have met you, just as Dongfang Qingcang was fortunate to meet Xiaolanhua in The Story of the Blue Orchid.

His upbringing instilled a sense of insecurity. From an early age, he internalized the belief that he was undeserving of unconditional love. He came to equate parental love with academic achievement and behavioral compliance. Consequently, he exerted significant effort to meet these expectations, even at the expense of his genuine interests and emotions. As he matured, this internalized belief manifested as irritability, anxiety, and a tendency to test boundaries. He was driven by an underlying fear that he would not receive unconditional love and would instead be treated as a mere instrument for parental display. Additionally, this early experience fostered a deep-seated inferiority complex and self-doubt.

In fact, I believe the solution can be found in two main areas:

1. Your recommendation:

1. I recommend further reading on the subject of psychology and its applications to healing the inner child and childhood experiences. It is essential to understand the individual in order to facilitate healing. I suggest the following titles: "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist," "Love Needs to Be Learned" by Chen Hai-xian, and "Resolving the Conflicts Within Us." These are the psychology books that I have found most helpful in my own reading.

2. There is a healing method that I roughly summarize as "observation." There is another self in the heart to observe what one is doing now, and to ask oneself, "Why do you want to have this kind of behavior?" At the same time, when he truly peels away the current self and observes his inner child, he may feel anger, anxiety, sadness, and feel unfair. He may also have feelings of resentment towards his childhood, which may have contributed to his current difficulties in healing. It is important to provide him with support, encouragement, and tolerance. He needs time to forgive, forgive himself, forgive his family, and forgive the world. Only when he has sufficient self-love will he have the energy to nourish others.

It is important to note that changing someone's values and rules of conduct is a challenging process that cannot be expected to occur overnight. It is essential to understand that the individual in question also needs to adapt to the new self, embrace the inner child he has hurt for a long time, and forgive.

His direction:

1. I recommend that he try meditation. I previously had a similar experience, needing to heal the wounds left by my dysfunctional family. I lived in conflict every day, so I was in pain and lacked the courage to enter into an intimate relationship. However, practicing meditation significantly improved my quality of life. I became less fearful and anxious, and I began to have the courage to face an intimate relationship. I believe it can also help him.

2. Should he be amenable, he may wish to consider consulting with a psychologist to explore the potential benefits of hypnotherapy. I have found this approach to be effective in managing my own stress reactions. When I encounter a situation from my childhood that evokes anxiety, I have found that I am more likely to experience an anxiety attack. This suggests that, although the incident may be distant in time, its significance remains, and it may require additional support to fully address the trauma it has caused.

3. I hope he also reads some psychology books and develops his own strategy for managing anxiety. Emotions are not inherently negative; our response to them can be. Only when he finds his own approach will he achieve true peace of mind, a sense of fulfillment, and genuine happiness.

The above represents my personal opinion, based on some of my own experiences. I hope it will prove useful to you when making a selection.

It is evident that the original poster (OP) has feelings of concern for her boyfriend and a sense of powerlessness in this situation. For the OP's reference, I would like to share some personal views.

The objective of the questioner's request for assistance is to ascertain how to provide adequate care for her boyfriend. Therefore, it is essential to determine whether the initiative stems from the questioner herself or her boyfriend. Specifically, it is crucial to ascertain whether the questioner genuinely desires to provide care for her boyfriend or if it is her boyfriend who is requesting such care from her. If the decision to provide care is a personal one, the questioner must consider the possibility that her boyfriend may not fully comprehend, endorse, or accept her decision.

Even the most intimate relationships have boundaries. Even in couples, there are personal independent spaces and topics that cannot be shared, not to mention thoughts. The questioner's thoughts are solely their own, and they must also consider the other person's perspective. Sometimes the questioner's thoughts align with the other person's, but there may also be instances when they diverge, resulting in differing thoughts. If the questioner's thoughts differ from the boyfriend's, and the boyfriend does not understand, approve of, or accept the questioner's thoughts and actions, it is crucial to examine the questioner's subsequent thoughts and feelings.

The influence of the boyfriend's original family environment is evident, and it is a significant factor contributing to his pronounced unease and distrust of intimate relationships. However, the issue cannot be resolved by the questioner alone; it necessitates a comprehensive approach that can address the underlying challenges. For him, the pressure brought about by his family environment is considerable. His parents' approval is contingent upon his academic performance, and he lacks the recognition, trust, and acceptance he deserves as an individual. Nevertheless, he has become accustomed to this treatment within the context of his family environment. The manner in which he interacts with the questioner has undergone a transformation, which challenges his established cognitive patterns, causing him to experience heightened anxiety and unease.

It is this author's opinion that the questioner should endeavor to comprehend the nature of her desire to provide for her boyfriend and the implications thereof. Furthermore, she should strive to delineate her sentiments regarding the relationship. The act of caring for another often entails a more capable individual tending to a less capable one. The questioner's aspiration to provide for her boyfriend is tantamount to a recognition of his inability to care for himself and the necessity for her to do so.

From the perspective of the boyfriend, the questioner's actions may be perceived as a denial of his ability and value as an independent man. This kind of denial may evoke feelings of unease and discomfort in the boyfriend, similar to those he experiences at home. The questioner can adopt an alternative perspective by considering how she would feel if her boyfriend treated her in this way.

In regard to the specific actions the questioner wishes to take, it can be said that if one desires one's boyfriend to act in a manner that is traditionally associated with masculinity, it is first necessary to respect, accept, and acknowledge him as an independent individual with dignity, ability, and value. It is important to accompany and support him as he discovers his own strengths and to allow him to gradually trust, recognize, and accept himself. However, this process will undoubtedly be challenging. Change will be painful for him, and one will also be under significant pressure as one accompanies him. Furthermore, there are numerous reasons that one cannot help him solve, which is why it was previously suggested that he seek counseling from a suitable counselor.

Upon initially reading the title, I was somewhat taken aback. While it is commendable to want to provide him with the best care, it is important to define who he is and who needs to be taken care of.

From my perspective, you are a very loving individual. You have also mentioned your family in the content, and your parents have provided you with sufficient respect, love, and freedom, which has given you the courage to start a business and develop it, as well as to love the people around you. This is truly admirable.

A boy who grew up in the home of a high-ranking official means that his parents are also very outstanding. This can result in significant pressure for the child, as parents often have high expectations for their children, and children may internalize these expectations. Therefore, outstanding parents may have higher expectations for their children, which can lead to a greater sense of pressure.

When he was young, his parents only praised him for his academic performance. As he grew older, they took him out to show off, which placed him under significant pressure. He feared that if he didn't meet their expectations, they would abandon him and stop loving him. This also caused him to feel insecure, leading him to test the waters, worried that those close to him would do the same as his parents and abandon him if he didn't meet their standards. The lack of love from an early age gave him a significant lack of self-confidence. Despite his outwardly positive demeanor, he still feels internally that he doesn't deserve you and that you are better than him.

From your perspective, you can provide him with a sense of security, express your feelings towards him, and reassure him of your unwavering love, regardless of his achievements. However, it is crucial to be able to do this effectively, as failing to do so may result in him feeling deceived and hurt, particularly if he encounters setbacks in his career and you argue about it.

If you wish to resolve the issue at its root, it would be advisable to seek the assistance of his parents.

It is important to note that you are not in the position to provide him with the same level of care and attention as his biological parents. The love he is lacking is not the love between partners, but the love between parents and children. It is essential for him to seek this love from his parents. You can facilitate this by helping him connect with his parents and letting him know that, regardless of his achievements, his parents will always love him. It would be ideal if his parents could also communicate this to him.

Hello, my name is Dapeng, and I'm happy to be here to help!

I'm a Scorpio man too, and I was once a nerdy schoolboy, so I totally get where you're coming from! I'd love to answer your question.

Schoolboys are super dedicated to their studies and tend to be a bit reserved when it comes to expressing their emotions. This reservedness can show up in different ways. First, they might have fewer emotional needs because they're not as open inside. Second, when they do try to open up and express their emotions, they might feel a bit insecure and take it slow.

First of all, you might want to try to understand his emotions and then give him some space and time.

You may be relatively mature in terms of emotions, so sometimes you may need to take the lead and give him some universal education. That is to say, in the communication between the two of you, you should appropriately define emotions and express the names of emotions so that he understands what kind of situation corresponds to what emotion.

It's important to remember that everyone is responsible for their own emotions. At most, others can show empathy or sympathy, but they can't be responsible for his emotions.

It's so important to be in control of the relationship. We all want to be there for our partners, but we also want them to be independent. It's not good to be overprotective or overbearing. And it's not helpful to dislike or criticize them. We all need to feel loved and accepted.

I really hope these answers are helpful for you! Have a wonderful National Day!

Hello, topic!

It's so great to hear that you've noticed your boyfriend is doing well! He's a good student and overall, he's doing really well. I can imagine that when you first walked in, you felt a bit uncertain. It's totally normal to feel that way when you're getting to know someone new. My advice is to focus on getting to know his past and understanding how he expresses love. Once you know why he is the way he is and how he shows love, you'll know that he loves you. Everyone expresses love differently, and you can tell him what your love is like.

I totally get it. There are two possible reasons for being hot and cold.

1. It's totally normal for kids to be hot and cold. It's often a result of how they were treated by their parents.

2. Hot and cold. This is something that's more common in boys who are highly emotionally intelligent.

The love I know is a beautiful thing.

Love 1: equals freedom 2: trust 3: skin contact, hugs, etc. 4: give the other person something they like. [Everyone has a different definition of love, and that's okay!]

I promise you, if you discover love, it'll be worth all the hard work!

We all get anxious sometimes, it's only natural!

You have to be sure of one thing, sweetheart: he is so good, he chose you. That means he loves you!

2. I know you said you have to take care of him, and I'm a man, so I can understand that. If you want to take care of him, get to know him better, tell him more about your feelings, whether you are sad or happy, and ask him why.

If the host has a habit of learning, as you mentioned, I think you'll find these books really helpful!

1 (Happy Marriage): This book is a great help in understanding your partner.

2 (Primary Mother Love) This book is a great resource for understanding his attachment patterns.

3 (The Seven Stages of a Happy Relationship) is a great way to understand each other's stages!

4 (Intimate relationships) can help you understand what love is and how it is expressed.

I really hope this helps! I know it's not much, but I just wanted to say that I think it's so important to get to know each other better. I think the best way to do that is through study.

Hello, question asker. I am the answerer, Ziding Yaxiang. We are meant to meet, and I am here to help you solve your problems.

After carefully reading the questioner's analysis and observations of her boyfriend, I can say with confidence that she is on the right track. The questioner is observant and considerate, and has correctly identified that her boyfriend, who grew up in a small family, believes that as long as he does well in school, he will be fine. This has led to a superficial appearance of strength, but in reality, he is very insecure and lacks knowledge about how to maintain a healthy relationship.

I'll tell you how to maintain a good current relationship.

First, give your boyfriend a sense of security. He has lost the interpersonal relationship experience of getting along with classmates, friends, roommates, etc. due to the excessive focus on grades since childhood.

Every experience in life provides a breeding ground for shaping one's character. When you leave this breeding ground and certain experiences are lacking, defects in character formation will result.

A focus on grades alone can make a person feel secure only when they get good grades. If they know their grades are going to be bad, they will lack a sense of security, become anxious, restless, and in serious cases, they will transfer these emotions to the people closest to them.

The questioner tries to encourage and return to their teenage years to give their boyfriend the sense of security they want. Help them open another window and accept things they have never been exposed to before.

Some of these things will cause him to feel frustrated, but that's okay. This is a shaping process. Accompany him through his failures and help him regain his confidence!

Secondly, respect him and adore him. Adoration does not mean lowering yourself, but hiding your light at the right time and letting him shine.

Love him and help him succeed. The respect and admiration the questioner gives is different from that given by parents. The respect and admiration given by the questioner is full of warmth and love.

Show him you love him. Lead him to experience the feeling of loving someone and being loved.

You must treat him like an immature child, giving him enough patience and guidance. With the care and encouragement of the original poster, he will slowly grow up to be a man with a complete character. Teach him how to love the people around him.

You must also ensure that his parents understand what you have done for your boyfriend. They must cooperate.

Treat your boyfriend like a child. In front of outsiders, respect him and give him the dignity of a big man.

I strongly recommend professional psychological counseling to help him overcome the shadow created when he was a child and uncover the anxiety and mania deep inside. This will allow him to return to his true self.

It's about learning how to get along with him better!

I am confident that my answer will be enlightening and helpful to you. I want to reiterate that I admire you for being such a good person!

I want to make sure you understand this: you need to protect yourself from harm, both psychologically and physically, while you're in this relationship.

Hello, my name is Wang Ying, and I'm a psychological counselor.

I just want to say that your boyfriend is so lucky to have met you! You may be the light that warms and brightens his otherwise gloomy life.

Your boyfriend grew up in a well-to-do family, but his parents gave him so little love. He only received praise for his academic achievements, so he lived his childhood life for his parents. He tried desperately to be a source of pride for them and hoped to receive their praise and recognition, but he was often disappointed. At this time, he would only feel that he was not good enough and that his parents did not love him, that he was not worthy of love.

His parents were not very attentive, which made him feel insecure and scared.

So even though he has been very good since childhood, he is extremely needy and lacks self-confidence. As you said, after entering into an intimate relationship, he will constantly test you, be hot and cold, and doubt your feelings.

It's so important to remember that when your behavior made him feel that you didn't love him, it triggered his childhood wounds and activated his automatic defense mechanism. These emotions have been suppressed for many years, so when they are triggered, he will overreact. It's not personal! His behavior is not directed at you; it has nothing to do with you. It's just that your behavior triggered his wounds.

At this point, he's lost his cool and is acting like a child. It's all totally unconscious, poor guy.

If you can see this in him, you'll be able to understand his behavior better and be more tolerant of him. This will help you face him rationally and calmly, which is the best way to help him. When he's emotional, anxious, or even angry with you, tell him you love him, hug him, and give him warmth and support. He's just an injured little lion at this time, and he's using his fierce and bad attitude to protect himself. If someone can calm him down at this time, he'll calm down quickly.

At this point, you can tell him something like, "I'm sorry that my behavior made you feel bad, triggered your childhood wounds, and made you feel that I don't love you. But I want you to know that I love you, and I'm here for you."

It would be really helpful to help him bring his unconscious behavior to the conscious level. If he is willing at this time, you can talk to him about his experiences as a child and let him vent the emotions that have been suppressed for many years.

Of course, this situation is based on the fact that you have already given him a sufficient sense of security, and he is willing to open up and communicate with you. If he is not willing, just calm him down first, my friend.

If you're feeling anxious or upset, it's important to give each other space and time to process. You can gently tell him, "I'm sorry that my actions have made you feel hurt and that you feel that I don't love you, but that's not true. I love you. Your attitude is also hurting me right now, and I need to calm down. Let's wait until we've both calmed down and then deal with this problem."

Then, my dear friend, walk away and don't let his energy field affect you anymore.

I just wanted to say that everything I've said so far is based on one big idea: you're an amazingly capable person who knows how to handle your emotions in a really healthy way. You've told me that when you were younger, your parents were super supportive of your studies and gave you the freedom to grow and explore.

You're a go-getter! You started your own business and love your work. You grew up in a loving and free-spirited environment, and you have a very healthy upbringing. You're an independent, confident woman with inner strength.

I really do think that your boyfriend is so lucky to have met you!

It's so inspiring to see how many people can heal the wounds of their childhood! There are two main scenarios. In the first, they don't meet an ideal partner, which causes them a lot of suffering. But then one day, they have had enough and don't want to suffer anymore. So they begin to awaken and grow themselves, healing their inner child. In the second scenario, they are incredibly lucky and meet an ideal partner who looks like the parents they idealized. The partner is able to give them enough love, support, tolerance, and understanding. Slowly, the partner makes up for what they lacked growing up, and their inner child is healed and grows up. They will also begin to give the other person love and care. The two people reap the rewards of a very close relationship!

Maybe you're the latter type, and if so, you're truly amazing!

In your daily life, you can also do things with him that interest him, such as running, reading, spending more time in nature, doing charity work, and leading him to practice meditation, standing meditation, yoga, etc. These are very helpful for accumulating inner strength! Just remember that these activities are based on his willingness, and they cannot be forced. If a person does not have the will to change, forcing him to do something will only arouse his resentment and resistance.

If one day he realizes that he should grow and actively seeks ways to grow himself, he'll heal faster, which will also be a happy thing for you! But only if he wants to do it.

I really hope my answer is helpful for you! Sending you all lots of love and best wishes!

Hello, dear questioner! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm here to help.

Thank you so much for trusting us and being willing to tell us about your suffering so that we can help you. We're here for you! You want to understand people who appear strong on the outside but are vulnerable on the inside, and be able to get along with them well and give them a sense of security.

I'm here for you. Let's talk. I'll listen to you and help you understand how you feel. I'll give you a hug if you need one. Let me introduce you to a few methods that might help.

Personality

You know, Scorpio boyfriends are strong on the surface. They're also academic achievers from an early age and the best children their parents could ask for.

They're also really good at work! But when they get into a relationship, they can test it a lot. They'll alternate between being cold and warm, and doubting your feelings. If they feel like you don't give them a sense of security, they can get really anxious and crazy (like talking nonsense)!

1⃣️, competitive

As you can see, Scorpio boys are born with a strong and uncompromising personality and a very competitive spirit. This makes them very driven and ambitious, and you can see this in their work. They have a strong inner drive to succeed and they're always striving to achieve their goals.

Scorpios are always on a mission! They're super determined and have an unwavering fighting spirit. They're always planning ahead and working hard to achieve their goals.

2⃣️ Apathy It's okay to feel apathetic sometimes. We all have days where we just don't feel like doing anything, and that's totally normal. Try not to worry about it too much.

Scorpios also have some quirks that can make them a bit hard to understand. Many Scorpios are a little on the quiet side. No matter what you talk about, they might be a bit reserved and uncommunicative, and their answers might not be as clear as you'd like.

He's very concerned about personal privacy and tends to hold a grudge if he feels offended. If you say the wrong thing by mistake, he'll be hurt and remember it, which can make him seek revenge.

So, you might feel like his emotions don't always match up with how he acts. But, deep down, he's actually a very passionate person. He just hides it because he's not that interested in showing his feelings. He's also quite competitive and likes to show off his personality.

It's also worth noting that it shows the vulnerable and extremely uneasy side of his heart.

3⃣️, Personality Your boyfriend is a sensitive soul with a melancholic personality type. People with this personality type are thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and pursue truth and beauty. They are delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, talented and insightful.

Your boyfriend is sensitive and self-centered, and he has a melancholic personality type.

People with a melancholic personality have some lovely qualities.

Your boyfriend is a thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and passionate individual who is always pursuing truth and beauty.

He's got some great qualities! He's delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, and talented and insightful.

On the downside, he can be a bit obsessive, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive.

So, he is very sensitive to your words and actions because you are a secure type of personality and you will feel at ease living with or without others around. He, on the other hand, could really benefit from being more sensitive and responding more intensely.

He's going through a lot right now. He's filled with anxiety and fear, speaks harsh words, and has a desire to save face and control.

2. Conflict manifestation

You said, "I actually feel sorry for him. He grew up in a family of high-ranking officials, and his emotions may have been suppressed all along."

He's so sweet! He can only get praise if he studies. He is now 25 years old, and his parents take him out to show off his career.

(He goes home once a year.)

But I'm different. My parents were really supportive when I was growing up. They gave me the money and time to develop freely, and I'm so grateful for that! I started my own business and I absolutely love my career.

1⃣️ The influence of the original family

Oh, my boyfriend!

His dual personality is also related to the education he received in his family of origin. His parents were really concerned about his grades and used them to show how successful their education was. As a result, his parents were quite dominant and had a strong desire to control, rarely caring about his emotional side and true thoughts.

It's so sad to see how your boyfriend is struggling. He's unable to express his emotions, which is making him feel so depressed and suppressed.

Under this strong pressure, your boyfriend has developed a state of coping that is pleasing. He obeys his parents' wishes to win their favor and attention, which is a good thing!

He uses good study habits to attract his parents' attention and satisfy their vanity, which he can then use to show off to his friends. It's so lovely to see how much your boyfriend values his relationship with his parents!

This makes him feel like his parents are still paying attention to him, which is really reassuring for him. He is very afraid that his parents will no longer care about him, and it's totally understandable that he feels this way.

You, my dear, are a very special person.

You are different, and that's a good thing! During the separation period, your parents gave you a lot of care and trust, which gave you a good sense of independence and security and prevented separation anxiety. Your coping with stress is also consistent, which is great!

2⃣️, Attachment affects

My dear boyfriend,

I can see that your boyfriend is anxious, sweetie.

People with an anxious attachment style tend to invest all their feelings in a relationship. They often find that the other person doesn't want the relationship to develop as intimately as they would like, which can make them feel uneasy. Sometimes they even worry that their partner doesn't value them as much as they value them.

People with anxious attachment styles are always very aware of what's going on in their relationships. They're constantly thinking about what their partner is doing and feeling. They worry a lot about relationships and feel insecure, so they act suspiciously and speak rudely to cover up their fear and anxiety.

You, my dear,

Your parents have given you so much love and trust, which has helped you to grow up with a strong sense of security. You're not afraid to be alone or to be left, and you're confident that your boyfriend will always be there for you.

People who are securely attached are open and available to others. They feel confident in their ability to rely on others and to be relied on in return.

And they're not worried about being alone or not being accepted.

This type of person is open to love and is ready to give their all when they enter a relationship. They're also able to leave a relationship with a clear conscience, which is great!

3⃣️, confused

You said, "At first, I didn't understand his constant testing, and I didn't feel secure, which made me wonder if he was planning to marry me for real. He always said that I was so good...and so on..."

It's totally normal to feel insecure sometimes!

Your boyfriend's contradictory behavior, which seems strong on the outside but is actually weak on the inside, has started to cause you a lot of confusion. It's so hard to understand why he is so insecure, especially since he is an academic! You later realized that it was the way he was raised in his family of origin that caused him to be so insecure all the time.

It's so great that you understand how a person's upbringing in their family of origin can impact their future!

It's possible you may have overlooked his attachment type, which could be the reason for his lack of confidence. His probing indicates that he has always been emotionally numb and has no feelings, so he uses probing to solve his confusion.

Oh, that poor man in the net!

From what he says, it's clear he has some deep-seated inferiority complexes. He envies your open-minded, carefree, and uninhibited personality, especially your ability to express your emotions freely. It's sad for him when he feels both inferior and unable to match you, as it causes him pain.

Right now, he can't see his own worth. He's caught in a web of self-doubt, unable to break free.

3. How to deal with it

You said, "How should I take good care of him? What are the specific ways? I'm looking for answers."

You really want him to be as strong and confident both externally and internally, and you want him to know that you're always there for him. You can do this in the following ways.

1. It's so important to understand your strengths and build your self-confidence!

It's so important to understand your own strengths, especially those that make you different. Let him know that he has something to be proud of!

In your interactions, be sure to praise him for things he does well and encourage him in a timely manner. This will help him to know that you admire him and build up his self-confidence.

2⃣️, Meet expectations

He's emotionally needy and has a strong sense of insecurity. Let's show him some extra love and attention, and do our best to fulfill his expectations.

Insightful appeal

He's complimenting you with things like "You are so wonderful..." and so on. What he's really saying is "I wish I were more like you."

Projection is when we realize our unfulfilled expectations on others. It's like we're trying to transfer our own impulses, motives, attitudes, and behaviors to others or to things around us. We believe that others or things around us also have such motives and behaviors.

This is actually how he shows his envy and expectations, and it's also a way of transferring responsibility to the outside world.

Give him what he needs, my friend.

You understand what he's trying to say and you meet his expectations. Think about how your parents treated you when you were a kid and how you treat him.

Please share your insights!

Let him see how confident you are by sharing your experiences and feelings with him. Let him know that your parents' trust and love have given you the confidence to build a strong relationship. Explain that mutual trust and love are essential for a healthy relationship.

Be sure to encourage him to express himself!

His lack of confidence is probably because he hasn't had the chance to express his wants and needs before. You could encourage him every week to make a wish related to the two of you, and then work together to make it come true. Every wish that comes true will make him feel really good. Over time, he'll be able to express his emotional needs on his own, without envying others.

3⃣️, give him the power of love!

The way he was brought up in his original family has a profound impact on him. It's not easy to change that in a short time, but you can do it!

Let him feel the love you have for him!

And remember, love is always consistent!

Because you come from an open-minded family and feel secure and have no emotional worries, you won't care about your attitude towards him at first. Later, to make him feel loved and loving, you need to respond to the good things he does for you, showing that you feel and see his love and giving him the confidence to love and be loved.

This is really important, my friend.

Expressing love

Love needs to be expressed, and it's so wonderful when it is! This is a bridge that enhances the relationship between you, love, and understanding.

Everyone has their own way of understanding and expressing love. Dr. Gary Chapman has come up with a helpful way of categorizing the different ways people show and receive love. He calls these the "languages of love." There are five main types: "affirming words," "quality time," "gifts," "acts of service," and "physical touch."

Affirming words are so important!

It doesn't matter if you're friends, colleagues, lovers, or married—you need to hear praise and affirmation! Giving more positive feedback can really deepen your relationship.

Moments of care are so important!

A thoughtful moment is a wonderful moment and a wonderful memory that you share together, such as a candlelit dinner or doing something meaningful together. Make sure you give your full attention to the other person during this time, it'll make all the difference!

And of course, there's accepting gifts!

Giving and receiving gifts on special occasions is a lovely tradition that can really strengthen your bond with your partner. It's not just about the gift itself, but also the ritual of exchanging it.

Acts of service are a wonderful way to show your love and care for someone. It could be as simple as making their favourite meal, or as big as helping them with a project at work. Whatever it is, it'll show them how much you appreciate them.

In a nutshell, it's about doing whatever your partner wants you to do and making them happy by helping them out in any way you can. These little acts of kindness are often the things that make the biggest difference in a relationship.

? Physical contact

Holding hands, hugging, and other physical contact can really help to increase the affection between you two. It's a wonderful way to show your love and it's a kind of silent language too!

If you use the five languages of love well, your boyfriend will be able to truly experience love, his uneasy heart will naturally be put at ease, and your relationship will grow as you become more adept at expressing your love. It's so wonderful to see how your interactions will help him to love more deeply!

My dear questioner, believe in the power of believing. You will have a wonderful outcome nourished by love.

And finally, I just want to wish the original poster all the very best!