My boyfriend says he's a slow heater, so am I just supposed to drag along the engagement thing for now?

Hello!

I am a mindfulness coach, and learning is the treasure of the body!

From your description, I can feel your inner anxiety, worry, pain, and helplessness, and I'm here to help!

I won't go into the details of your frustration at your boyfriend's lack of initiative, but I would like to give you three pieces of advice that I think you'll find really helpful!

First, I suggest you try to accept your current state. It's a great place to start!

Because doing so will make your heart feel slightly lighter, which will help you think about what to do next!

You said that your boyfriend said that you are a slow burner, that he likes you and that you get along well together, but that he never initiates contact. You have been dating for four months and he says he wants to get engaged, which is great! However, you are not sure if he really likes you because he doesn't initiate contact, which makes you a little confused. In fact, your state of mind is understandable, because everyone wants their partner to initiate contact more often, because being proactive means caring and loving. So try to accept your state of mind and "see" the worried, but temporarily clueless and painful self. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your mind will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

And the best part is, allowing yourself to try to understand and accept yourself will make it possible to promote change in the current situation! It may sound contradictory, but it is the truth because change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, I suggest you take a step back and view your own state from a rational perspective.

Rational thinking is a great way to understand yourself and reality better!

To really get to the heart of this, there are two simple things you can do:

One thing is for sure: taking the initiative to contact someone shows that you care and love them. But don't worry if you don't take the initiative all the time. It doesn't mean you don't love them!

You also said in your description that your boyfriend is the type of person who is slow to warm up and not good at expressing his feelings. But here's the good news: when you are together, you feel pretty good! So his lack of initiative may not necessarily mean that he doesn't like you.

And the best part is, you can tell whether the other person likes you, whether they love you, and whether there is true love between you!

Now for the fun part! Here you can judge according to the following four characteristics:

First, you'll want to check whether there's a strong emotional attachment between you. Even though he doesn't initiate contact, when you're together, do you feel like he's attached to you, and are you attached to him?

Second, when you're together, is the other person really engaged with you, or are they just talking to themselves? When you're together, do you have fun chatting with him?

Do you enjoy chatting together? When you share happy moments, does he listen with interest?

And so on!

Third, you want to know if you're the only one in his heart. You can tell by observing how he interacts with other people of the opposite sex.

Fourth, you'll want to find out if the other person loves you for who you are or because you are useful to them. Ask him what it is about you that he likes! You'll be able to tell whether he really likes you.

When you look at it rationally like this, you'll be amazed at how some of the negative emotions in your heart can be resolved!

I've got another great suggestion for you! Focus on yourself and think about what you can do to feel better.

When you take a step back and look at the big picture, you'll see what you need to do. This is your moment to shine! Focus on yourself and do your best.

For example, you can look at the above four characteristics to see if it is true love between you. This is an exciting process that takes time, and you cannot rashly conclude that he doesn't like you just based on one result. At the same time, you also need to see if you have achieved the above four aspects, because true love is a two-way street.

You can also discuss it with your parents and listen to their advice, including the fact that he also needs to come to your home to see it, and that both sets of parents need to meet to further determine the situation. This process can also help you determine whether he really likes you and whether you are really suitable for each other, which is a great way to make sure you're both on the same page!

You can also tell him sincerely what's on your mind: that you feel the engagement is a bit hasty and you need time to get to know each other better. This will also show whether he really cares about you! If he really loves you, he'll respect and consider your ideas.

Once you start taking action, you'll be amazed at how quickly those negative emotions start to melt away. It's incredible how taking action can be the best way to beat those negative feelings!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you want to chat some more, just click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom and I'll be in touch!

Hello, question asker!

Let's dive into the key message together!

▫️ The guy popped the question after just four months of dating!

▫️The other person says they like you but hardly ever reaches out. When you ask why, they say they're slow-moving.

▫️The first time you meet the parents, it seems like the other person might not have been taken as seriously as they could have been.

The good news is that the second time I met the parents, the situation improved!

I'm not sure how old you two are, but I have met boys who were a little anxious about getting married as soon as they had a girlfriend. They wanted to get married once they had a certain understanding of and acceptance from both families.

The feelings involved may be genuine, but they are also hasty. I myself do not approve of this kind of feeling, so I chose to reject it.

However, everyone's views on marriage change at different ages. Since your partner has brought up the idea, you might as well ask them how they view marriage. And how do you view marriage yourself? It's a great opportunity to chat about your hopes and dreams for the future together!

It's so important to think about what kind of marriage you each long for. After all, marrying someone means spending most of your life with that person! It's clear how important it is to choose the right partner.

How well do you know each other? And how well does the other person know you?

In Chinese culture, marriage is like the union of two families. That's why it's so important to get to know the other person's family! You can do this by interacting with their family and discussing things with them. This will help you see if your values are similar.

It seems like the guy likes you, but you're a little confused because he never reaches out. How do you feel about that?

Have you ever told your partner how you feel? What would you like your partner to do?

Hey there! I just wanted to check in and see if your partner is willing to make a small change for you if you make a specific request?

It's totally normal for two people to have different personalities and even ways of expressing themselves. But it's really important to feel like the other person cares about you, respects your opinions, and is willing to make certain changes for you. That's the key to determining whether they have you in their hearts. And you can also feel the other person's intentions. Falling in love means that two different people are willing to get a little closer to each other for the sake of each other.

This wonderful, interactive process will bring you two even closer together, and the resulting feelings will be strong enough to withstand anything that life throws at you.

I really think you should try answering these questions. I bet you'll find the answers are already in your heart, waiting for you to discover them!

I'm a bit of a brain hole, but I love you, world! Thanks for reading!