My boyfriend with social anxiety asks me to check and reply to his messages, and I can't help but lose my temper?

If someone is always so socially anxious, it can be really hard for them to face things. They might avoid things, or always avoid this and avoid that. It's not that they want to cause trouble, but they might feel like they're more afraid of things than others.

He has a hard time solving problems quickly, and he even procrastinates. He feels happy when no one is looking for him. I'm not sure if your boyfriend has been diagnosed with social phobia in the hospital. The other person always asks you to check his phone messages and reply to them.

This is actually an infringement of personal rights. It seems like the other person is simply not taking responsibility for their own life. They are the master of their own house, and of course they need to take responsibility for their own life, but they are simply not doing so. You can see that he is in a bad state at the moment, poor guy.

And you are also helping him with all your might, which is great! It's good to help out where you can. But it's important to remember that he's your boyfriend, not your son. It's okay to have boundaries.

It's important to remember that you can't be his housekeeper or full-time wife forever. If his social phobia is very serious, it's a great idea to seek counseling to make the necessary adjustments. You can often help him the most by gently nudging him along, but he may also need to take the initiative and do it himself.

Then it's probably best to let him do it himself. His anxiety, procrastination, and fear of communicating with others may have already affected his life. If possible, it's probably best to let him take the initiative to seek psychological counseling, rather than letting yourself become immersed in this kind of suffering. You both need to see clearly the scope of your own roles so that you don't let the other person break through your defences, or completely hold you hostage. He needs to take responsibility for his own life.

ZQ?

Good day.

I appreciate your frustration. From your description, it is evident that you have taken on a significant amount of responsibility for your boyfriend, tasks that should not fall on your shoulders. When you decline, he becomes angry, which causes you distress.

It is evident that maintaining such a close relationship with him is challenging for you. Attempting to meet his demands, including running errands and replying to messages, will inevitably lead to feelings of discontent and a significant amount of stress. This dynamic may not be beneficial for him either, as it could potentially foster a dependency on you and impede his ability to socialize independently. If you fail to meet his expectations, he may become angry and react in an aggressive manner, which could further damage the relationship.

From your description, it is evident that your boyfriend may be suffering from social phobia. In particular, answering phone calls and text messages may have become a trigger for his anxiety, which may be related to the pressure of his studies.

Should social phobia reach a certain level, it may develop into social phobia, a type of social anxiety disorder. In severe cases, treatment at a psychiatric hospital is necessary, involving both medication and psychological treatment.

It is not possible for us to assess the specific circumstances of your boyfriend's situation. It may be beneficial for him to seek the guidance of a professional, such as the school's psychological counselor or an external counselor.

As his girlfriend, you can assist him in reducing stress, soothing his emotions, and serving as a patient companion and source of encouragement. For instance, you can engage in exercise or meditation with him to relax, participate in activities he enjoys, and avoid becoming a crutch by relying on him for tasks he should be doing himself.

You may wish to consider accompanying him to some social activities, which would provide an opportunity to offer acceptance, affirmation, and encouragement to help him build self-confidence. It may also be beneficial to communicate with him more often and encourage him to express his feelings.

Overcoming social phobia can be a lengthy process. As a first step, it is essential to prioritize your own well-being. Only by first achieving a robust mental resilience can you effectively support another individual.

I hope Hongyu's reply is helpful to you. Thank you for your inquiry.

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

I can totally relate to how you're feeling! It seems like you've taken on a lot of responsibility for your boyfriend, and he's not really happy about it. So, are you wondering if he doesn't understand you, or if you need to help him? Or do you want to know why he's acting this way?

From what you've told me, it seems like your boyfriend's behavior is actually more about his lack of self-confidence. It's totally understandable! The way he's dealing with it is by avoiding and procrastinating, which isn't going to help him feel more secure and confident. It's important for him to build up his inner sense of security and self-confidence. Relying on you to help him solve problems is a great start, but it's not going to solve the root of his own problems.

For you, the best thing you can do is understand the separation of issues and give him your understanding and support.

It's so important to learn to separate issues.

To handle relationships with others, including those with our parents and partners, we need to learn to separate issues. This just means that we need to be able to distinguish between our own issues and those of others. We need to learn to take responsibility for our own life issues and not impose other people's issues on ourselves.

So, how can you tell the difference?

It's really quite simple. The direct consequences of that matter are the responsibility of whoever chooses to allow it.

Let's take an example. If a mother allows her child to wear short sleeves indoors in winter, she has to accept the consequences. These could be her mother-in-law's displeasure and nagging, the possibility of the child catching a cold, and of course, the child learning to perceive warmth and cold for himself and exercising his independence.

From another perspective, nothing is ever perfect, but we always have to make our own decisions. And once we make a decision, we have to face all the consequences, but we can do it!

The mother-in-law's nagging is her own business, and the mother of the child doesn't have to take responsibility for it. The mother-in-law may nag for many reasons, not just this one. She might nag the daughter-in-law, but also other people. As daughter-in-law, we can't control any of this, so we don't need to worry about it. It's the mother-in-law's problem.

So, it's important to think about what you should and shouldn't take responsibility for in this situation. I believe that if your boyfriend is socially anxious, he needs to solve his own problems. You can choose to help him, but you also need to be prepared to bear the corresponding consequences, which is that he may continue to rely on you. You can choose not to help him, encourage him to take responsibility for himself, and also be prepared to bear the corresponding consequences, which is that he will complain to you. But it's also important to remember that, from a higher level, if you don't help him deal with the problems he should deal with, you are actually promoting his growth.

You've got the final say here. Just make sure you know what's yours to deal with and what's not. Take responsibility for your own stuff, and don't let anyone else's issues get in the way of your own happiness. It'll be much easier that way!

2. Show him you understand and support him.

It's so important to accept your boyfriend for who he is. We can't change other people, but we can choose to love them for who they are.

As the saying goes in "A Change of Heart," there are only three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. We can all get a bit overwhelmed sometimes! It's only natural to worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven, but try to remember that you can't control everything. You've got to learn to let go and focus on your own affairs.

It's so important to remember that what other people think and do is their business, and there's nothing we can do to control it. Our partner is an independent individual, and what they think and feel is shaped by their genetic makeup, upbringing, education, living environment, etc. So, they are just the way they are, and if they don't want to change themselves, there's nothing we can do to change them.

We can't change him, but we can change ourselves! We can try to accept him and express our needs and feelings to him.

When you really accept him, you'll find that you don't feel disgusted by a lot of his behavior. You'll be calm because you'll understand that the real him is just like this. He's not the way you idealize him; he has his limitations. When you understand, accept, and respect him enough, your words will carry weight, and you'll be able to influence him.

If he's open to change, you can offer him some helpful advice to boost his inner sense of security and self-confidence.

1. Learn to deal with other people's comments in a way that works for you.

We're all different, and each of us has our own set of things we look for in a person.

When others meet our evaluation criteria, we like, approve of, and support them. When they don't meet our evaluation criteria, we might feel differently. We might dislike, reject, or doubt them.

It's a simple fact that when we meet someone else's standards, they'll recognize us. When we don't meet those standards, they'll reject us.

So, you'll find that whether the other person recognizes you or not is not that important. What matters is whether you match their evaluation criteria. But, we can't control the thoughts and actions of others. We can't always meet other people's evaluation criteria, and we can't meet everyone's evaluation criteria.

Life is hard for everyone, and that's okay! We all have different wants and are in different positions. There's no need to practice yourself according to other people's standards or force others to conform to your own standards. There's no need to crave others' understanding and approval in everything.

So, there's absolutely no need for us to sacrifice ourselves to gain the approval of others, or to maintain interpersonal relationships. It's so important to remember that it doesn't matter if you are liked or disliked, because no matter what you are like, there will always be people who like you and people who dislike you. What matters most is whether you can accept this self that is liked and disliked at the same time.

We don't live to please other people. If we keep seeking approval from others and caring about what they think, we'll end up living someone else's life. If we want to be liked too much, we'll live our lives according to other people's expectations and lose our true selves. This won't be good for us!

It's time to take the right to judge yourself back into your own hands! You can treat yourself as someone else and judge yourself comprehensively, objectively, and truthfully. In this way, you'll know yourself better, know yourself well enough, and you'll also know what you want. At this time, other people's evaluations have become less important. When you don't care so much about other people's evaluations and live your true self, you'll find that your interpersonal relationships are actually better. Those "bad relationships" that you have gained by pleasing others and suppressing your own needs will no longer haunt you.

2. Give yourself a big, warm hug! Accept yourself just as you are.

It's so important to accept your own character and imperfections. We all have shortcomings and inadequacies, but we also have strengths and values. The first step to becoming more confident is to accept yourself, warts and all!

It's totally normal to have self-doubt, but it's so important to keep practising self-acceptance. When you catch yourself having negative thoughts, remind yourself of all the amazing things you have to offer. We all have strengths and weaknesses, but we can choose to live a fulfilling life, embracing both.

When you accept yourself, you can live with your flaws, and your heart will become lighter and stronger. You've got this!

You know, lots of people are just like you. Imperfect, but doing their best. And you can live a happy, comfortable life, too! All you have to do is see the complete, true, and comprehensive self, accept your own imperfections, and live a comfortable life.

3. Be kind to yourself! Recognize your own strengths and value, and give yourself positive psychological suggestions.

You know, it's only when we affirm and support ourselves that we become more and more confident.

It's only natural that when something is missing inside us, we'll seek it outside. But, as we all know, everything outside is unstable and beyond our control. The good news is that the only thing we can control is ourselves, that is, our own actions and thoughts.

It's okay to need external recognition sometimes. It just shows that we don't approve of ourselves enough. That's why we need to practice approving of ourselves and encouraging ourselves. When we approve of and support ourselves enough, we won't care so much about other people's approval and evaluation.

And when you accept and approve of yourself, it'll be like magic! Others will also increasingly approve of you and believe in you, because you'll be radiating your own charm and confidence.

So, the most important thing is to love yourself. When you do that, you'll find that everything else falls into place.

4. Keep up the great work! You're doing a fantastic job of continuously improving your abilities and knowledge. Keep up the great work! You're doing a fantastic job of continuously improving your abilities and knowledge.

You know, confidence really does come from strength and hard work. And when we become someone we approve of through our own efforts, we'll become more and more confident and feel more and more secure.

You can set yourself some lovely, achievable goals one after the other and then work towards achieving them one step at a time. By achieving your goals again and again, your abilities will gradually improve, your knowledge will accumulate, and your experience will become richer and richer. You will feel more and more secure, have a greater sense of control over your life, and naturally become more and more confident.

The so-called "appropriate" goals are the ones that are just right for you. They're the kind you can reach by standing on your tiptoes! If the goal is too small, you might feel unchallenged, bored, and not bother to achieve it. But if it's too big, you might feel too much resistance and lack the confidence to achieve it. And goals of medium difficulty are the most motivating! When we work hard to achieve these goals, we'll feel a sense of achievement and self-confidence.

So, for example, if your current walking level is 4,000 steps per day, then set your daily goal at 4,500-5,000 steps. That's a great start!

When you set goals that are right for you, the most important thing is to keep going. You can overcome anything if you just put your mind to it!

Ask him to keep encouraging himself, to keep telling himself he can do it, and he will! You can also give him a big hug and lots of encouragement and support.

Come on, you can do it!

Good day.

Given the positive rapport you and your boyfriend have, I would like to extend my support and encouragement.

It is important to be mentally tolerant of your partner and to allow him the freedom to pursue his own interests.

It would be beneficial to attempt to comprehend his behavior, as it may be indicative of a disability.

It would be beneficial to communicate more, chat with him more, and ask him how he is doing. It would also be helpful to ascertain whether he is afraid of feedback and rejection from the outside world.

It is inevitable that everyone will experience challenges. However, with time and persistence, individuals will eventually emerge, either actively or passively.

An egg that opens from the inside is life, and one that opens from the outside is food. Provide support and encouragement, and allow him to complete tasks independently.

It is important to maintain task separation.

It is important to recognise that both you and he must learn to separate tasks. It is essential to remember that everyone is an independent individual.

It is important to remember that you have your own responsibilities and that he has his own. You are almost finished with school and have a graduation project to complete. Please speak with your advisor about the steps you need to take.

If you devote more time to assisting him in avoiding problems and not facing and solving them, who will help you complete your thesis and other tasks?

The underlying assumption is that you also want to complete your degree and fulfill your responsibilities. He has the option to express his frustration and engage in conflict, but that is his decision.

You are free to ignore him if you wish.

Furthermore, communicate your expectations clearly. Your objective is to graduate together successfully.

Instead of investing your personal time in supporting his graduation, you are experiencing fatigue from this dynamic and have lost motivation.

I hope my response is of some assistance to you. Best regards, [Name]