My boyfriend would rather break up with me than delete his ex-wife's WeChat account?

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, it seems like you're in a tough spot. As a woman, you can see that your relationship with the other person isn't very stable, which makes you feel insecure.

In any case, it's important to remember that remarried families often face a lot of challenges. Given that the boyfriend and his ex-wife have a child together, there will likely be disagreements when it comes to the child's issues. Even if you intervene, you might not be able to find a solution that satisfies everyone.

Since you've chosen to be with your boyfriend, you should absolutely trust each other. Otherwise, it will only affect the relationship between the two of you. Remarried families will naturally have a lot of problems, and even if you mind, this is a given. You've got to learn to control your emotions, otherwise you'll only hurt yourself more.

If you still want to get along with the other person, you need to accept that they have their own life and children. Only when you do this will you be able to move on and have a good relationship.

When you chose to be with him in the first place, you should have known that he has his own past. So, don't dwell on this too much. Otherwise, you'll just be the one who suffers, and it'll also have a big impact on your heart.

The boyfriend is reluctant to delete his ex-wife, possibly out of respect for their past marriage. After all, there's a child involved. If the relationship becomes too strained, it's the child who'll suffer. From this perspective, you shouldn't force your will on the other person. Often, it's only by understanding and being tolerant of the other person that you can gain their respect.

My view is that everyone has their own past. If you force your will on the other person regarding WeChat, it will only make them think you are being unreasonable. The child's problem needs to be solved. If you completely stop contacting them, it will only affect the child.

If you still want to work things out with the other person, you need to accept everything about them. Only then will you gain their respect and be seen as someone who is understanding and empathetic. I hope you understand this point.

Although the people are still the same, the relationship and roles between the two have changed since the day the original poster's boyfriend got divorced.

The title of a relationship can change quickly, but the status in each other's hearts takes a long time to slowly fade away and be replaced.

Every relationship needs to be carefully nurtured. Since the original poster decided to stay with her boyfriend, she'd already made her choice.

If your plans don't work out, you can expect to feel disappointed, resentful, and angry.

I think expressing these negative emotions is a good way to go about it.

Once you've released your emotions in a way that doesn't harm you, you can think about what you really want.

You might want to have a formal chat with your boyfriend about the future you both hope for, about the future of your relationship, and tell him about your grievances. Let him respond to you, and let him work with you to strengthen the now-unstable relationship. Even if it ends in a breakup, you won't feel so bitter!

Over the past few months, everyone has been learning how to play their new role in life. Give yourself some time to get closer to the person you want to be close to, and the person who sincerely wants to be close to you!

In a relationship, you have to make decisions together, but when you're apart, only one person has to make decisions.

As long as both parties are committed to being together, the current issues are something that both parties can work through together.

Good day, Madam

Given your assertion that your boyfriend would rather terminate the relationship than delete his ex-wife's WeChat, it is evident that you are experiencing a range of intense emotions, including anger, resentment, and even fury.

You have finally found someone you wish to spend your life with, and now his ex-wife is pursuing you, which makes you feel uneasy and unfairly treated. You have communicated with your husband several times, but he refuses on the grounds that he doesn't want to hurt the other person, but he has hurt you instead!

A second marriage is undoubtedly more complex than a first marriage. There are additional relationships to navigate, and it represents a significant challenge for both parties to establish and maintain clear boundaries.

Furthermore, there are numerous emotional and traumatic issues stemming from the first marriage that must be addressed before entering into this new union. Failure to do so could prove detrimental.

From your description, it appears that your boyfriend and his ex-wife interact too frequently because of the children, which has led to concerns that his attention may be divided. This is a valid concern, particularly given the exclusivity inherent to marriage.

Your boyfriend stated that he has already caused distress to the other party and is reluctant to do so again. This suggests that he may be experiencing feelings of guilt regarding his ex-wife and children, and may be seeking to make amends. This is something he needs to address.

While the WeChat account can be deleted, the emotional attachment cannot. It is important to proceed with caution. If you push him too hard, he may also become defensive.

It is understandable that he would feel guilty. His decision to leave his family to be with you demonstrates his affection for you and his reliability. You have indicated that you would also be willing to accept the original agreement.

Your willingness to consider the original agreement demonstrates your reasonable approach to the situation. It is understandable that you are experiencing mixed emotions and are unsure of the best way to proceed.

I believe there are two key actions to be taken. Firstly, the husband's sense of guilt must be addressed effectively. One potential solution could be to leverage his net worth.

The second step is to communicate your concerns and expectations to him directly. It is essential to recognize that the current relationship is of the utmost importance.

Failure to establish boundaries may result in unintended consequences for both parties.

I empathize with the questioner, but, to be frank,

One is compelled to inquire as to the true nature of the questioner's query. Was it, for instance, a question regarding the motivation behind the individual's actions? Or, alternatively, a demand for accountability?

Another possibility is that the questioner is seeking to understand how the situation came to be.

It is possible that the questioner had another intention, however.

What response did the questioner anticipate, even in the inquiry itself?

In fact, to be frank, the manner in which the questioner presents the situation renders it implausible that it would be accepted as a genuine account in a social context.

In conclusion,

What identity did the questioner possess that enabled a man in a marital relationship to become her romantic partner?

Such actions have resulted in the dissolution of the other person's marriage, at least according to the questioner's perception.

In particular, the questioner stated that both parties have children, which raises the question of the nature of the marital relationship. During the period of its existence,

One might inquire as to how this individual became romantically involved.

The result is the most important aspect to consider, regardless of the process. If the child can be picked up and dropped off, it can be assumed that the child is young and that the divorce occurred recently, which indicates that the situation is still relatively new.

The frequency of contact is also unclear. How can it be substantiated that contact is made almost every day?

Moreover, the individual in question deleted the chat history for a period of several days.

It would be prudent to ascertain whether the phone in question has been subjected to a thorough examination. The rationale behind this suggestion is that the veracity of the aforementioned assertion is contingent upon the assumption that the individual in question has indeed deleted the pertinent data.

It would be beneficial to consider the situation from his perspective.

Given that the individual in question was requested to delete the WeChat account of his former spouse, it would be reasonable to inquire as to whether the WeChat account of the child's biological father has also been deleted.

He stated that he had already been hurt and that it was unnecessary to cause him further distress, therefore the questioner concluded that deleting WeChat would not cause any harm.

The respondent's former partner has been removed from the family residence, and the garage has been allocated to the former spouse. Consequently, the respondent believes that the matter should not be left to the other party.

Given the paramount importance of the child in this situation, it would seem prudent to avoid discussing matters pertaining to the child with the child's biological father.

It would be beneficial to inquire of the child whether this question is necessary.

They proceed to delete their former partner's (ex-wife's) WeChat account, engage in heated discussions, and even threaten to terminate the relationship.

In my view, the emotion of jealousy is characterised by a sense of envy and resentment towards another individual who has previously held a position of power or affection.

In novels, it is frequently observed that upon attaining a position of authority, the protagonist becomes envious of the preceding main character.

The nuances of human emotion are often nuanced and complex.

One may love another, yet if that other person has already been in a relationship with someone else, at least on one occasion,

Such individuals experience a complex emotional state, encompassing both envy and resentment towards the other person.

In numerous instances within the real world, an individual assumes a position of superiority over another.

In film and television dramas, however, the most common outcome is that even after being replaced, the protagonist remains fearful of being replaced themselves.

Furthermore, the protagonist may also be replaced by a new character, either a latecomer or an ex-partner.

It is possible that relationships are analogous to the mole on a person's heart: once acquired, they are no longer valued and are instead exchanged for something else.

In that instant, the idealized figure of the princess becomes mere sustenance, and the insignificant mole on the heart is akin to a minor irritation.

From an objective standpoint, it is evident that the primary reason for their continued interaction is the shared custody of the child.

One might inquire as to the motivation behind such concern.

The issue that bothers you is the frequency of his contact?

Or do you still take issue with the fact that, despite his apparent preference for you in the divorce proceedings,

However, it appears that they are both experiencing romantic feelings for each other and are leaving the family home with nothing and no desire to cause hurt to the other person.

The crux of the matter is that these disparate behaviors demonstrate your concern for the other individual, regardless of the underlying motivation.

It is also plausible that his other family members, such as his children and relatives, are engaging in behind-the-scenes attacks against him.

It is not always feasible to secure the backing of an individual's family members, particularly not the kind that offers unwavering support, speaks on one's behalf, and demonstrates a deep comprehension of one's perspective.

Moreover, it appears that he is also troubled by this situation.

However, in this particular case, it appears that the individual in question has a greater level of concern and has even resorted to the use of the term "breakup."

In a relationship, it is relatively simple to make threats, and the factors that lead to the dissolution of relationships are often the result of a decision to break up, divorce, or to cease communication.

It is not necessarily the case that there is no longer any affection left, but it can be terminated abruptly for the sake of maintaining one's pride and reputation.

If one is in this situation, it is important to consider the impact on the ex-wife.

It would be beneficial to consider the situation from the perspective of the other individual involved. Rather than focusing solely on the present circumstances, it is important to consider the broader context and the potential impact on others. If one were to imagine themselves in the position of the ex-wife, for instance, it would be easier to comprehend the complexities of the situation.

In a relationship, it is not appropriate to inflict emotional distress on others as a result of one's own actions, particularly when those actions involve a third or fourth party or even more individuals.

It is unclear whether the questioner ultimately terminated the relationship or resumed it.

If the former is the case, there is no inherent negative aspect to it.

It is also my hope that the original poster will be able to distinguish between emotional responses and objective facts.

In particular, the relationship between the individual and the subject in question, as well as the events that transpired between them and the subject's former spouse.

This may be perceived as somewhat harsh.

However, this is also the reality for the majority of individuals.

It would be erroneous for the original poster to assume that this boyfriend is divorcing his ex-wife for her.

Your influence may be a contributing factor, but it is unlikely to be the sole reason.

It is essential to differentiate between the following categories: you and him, you and her, him and her, and him and her.

The rationale behind his decision to divorce is that he and his former spouse are no longer able to coexist harmoniously, a matter that is exclusively between them. While external factors may have played a role, the crux of the matter is that they are no longer able to sustain their relationship.

Therefore, it is imperative to ascertain whether a mutual compatibility exists between you and the individual in question. This is a matter that must be resolved between you and him.

As you have already determined, it is likely that you can discern whether you can coexist harmoniously with those in your immediate vicinity.

This includes determining whether reconciliation is a viable option.

If one is unable to coexist harmoniously with the individual in question, the frequency of communication with their former partner is of no consequence.

If one is able to genuinely accept the situation, it is unlikely to cause significant distress.

The decision of what to do is at the discretion of the individual.

Similarly, one should select the course of action that aligns with one's personal preferences.

One may express one's needs and feelings in the hope that the other person will respond and meet those needs, but one cannot demand that the other person act in accordance with one's wishes.

Likewise, he is not permitted to prohibit any thoughts or actions that cause distress. If he is unable to do so, neither can she.

Therefore, it is imperative to embrace one's authentic self, practice self-care, and cultivate self-love. By doing so, one can lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.

In regard to the process of introspective reflection, it is recommended to strive for self-persuasion. However, in the event of an inability to do so, it is imperative to demonstrate unwavering respect for one's emotional state. It is important to recognize that each individual has an inherent right to a portion of their own mental space, and it is indeed a reality that this space will be respected.

Additionally, one may attempt to negotiate, communicate, explain, seek external assistance, or act as a mediator, among other strategies, when the objective is to foster mutual respect and appreciation.

When the intention is to cherish the time, it is preferable to adopt a strategy of cherishing and caring for it, as opposed to resorting to the tactic of threatening to escape.

It is imperative to understand that when one loves oneself the most, respects one's own feelings and thoughts the most, and chooses to work hard for oneself and take responsibility for the results,

Such an individual is ultimately at peace with themselves and is happy to accept all of this.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference and may prove beneficial.

I can sense that you seem to be full of expectations in your new relationship, but I can also sense that you are afraid to face the unsatisfactory state of the relationship.

Oh, absolutely! It's so clear that he chose to be with you, but why is he still "tied to his old wife"?

It's so sad to see how often they contact each other. I'd love to know what qualities you two have in common, and what parts of you he shares. I'm also curious about what you both cherish and care for.

When we say that intimacy is an art, we mean that it is a bit challenging to handle, just like a work of art. But it is precisely because of this challenge that it is even more worthwhile to invest in it and reap the rewards!

It seems that your current state of mind is like that of a detective, with your eyes and attention firmly fixed on this "frequent WeChat contact" incident, unable to let go of every moment and instant within. But darling, there is more to life than this. We need relationships, good relationships. The ultimate goal is the same: to become a better version of ourselves!

It's totally normal to feel this way, but if you care too much, you might start acting like you're in a desperate chase. It's possible that you and your husband might start chasing each other, and that can't be good for anyone. Think about it: if you keep chasing, the other person might just run away.

When we enter the marriage hall, amid the cooking, the washing, the trivial matters, the reality of life seeps into every corner of the relationship. It's so important to remember that the expectations we once had will almost inevitably change completely. It's only natural that people who grew up in different families will adopt different ways of coping to protect themselves and suppress the pain.

In the "chase and escape" mode, the "chasing" party often tries to force and manipulate the other party through self-sacrifice, excessive giving, and compromising until they reach a state of emotional collapse and hysteria, crying out and pleading, "See me! Satisfy me!"

It can be really tough to face up to things. We all need a bit of space sometimes to process things and take a step back. But when we do this, it can feel like we're turning away from our partners and the marriage. It's like we're hiding in our own little safe zone, leaving our partners to weather the storm.

How can we make this situation better? The good news is that as soon as one person stops "chasing" or "running away," a new way of living together can start.

It's true that creating a new way of getting along together requires significant change and growth on the part of at least one person. And change and growth are painful and long processes. But, it's so worth it! When one person changes and grows, it inevitably brings about changes in the relationship between the two parties. And that's a great gain for that person!

Christopher Meng also said something really lovely. He said that your intimate relationship is there to help you know yourself better, and that by doing so, you can heal your wounds and ultimately find your true self. As long as you are willing to take responsibility for your emotions, feelings, and life, you will surely meet a better, truer self.

Wishing you all the best!

Good day. I came across your query a few days ago and have been unable to ascertain a suitable response. I am unsure of your current situation, whether you have resolved the issue or still require guidance. However, I recently viewed a series of images that prompted me to believe I may have a solution. I will now proceed to address your question.

Karpman Drama Triangle

Karpman Drama Triangle

The drama triangle is a social model of human interaction. It is a triangular mapping of a type of interaction that can occur destructively in conflicts between people. The drama triangle model is a tool used in psychotherapy, especially transactional analysis.

In the context of drama, the actor triangle represents the roles of the oppressor, the victim, and the rescuer.

Karpman employs a triangular framework to map conflict or dramatic relationship transactions. The Karpman Drama Triangle model illustrates the interconnection between personal accountability and influence in conflict, as well as the role of destructive and transformative actions in the process.

In summary, the three roles in a conflict are as follows: 1. The persecutor 2. The rescuer 3. The victim These roles are defined in more detail below.

He defines three roles in a conflict: the persecutor, the rescuer (an ascending position), and the victim (a descending position). Capman places these three roles in an inverted triangle and refers to them as the three sides or faces of the drama.

The position of the victim is characterised by a sense of victimisation, oppression, helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness, shame and a perceived inability to make decisions, solve problems, enjoy life or gain insight.

In the absence of persecution, the victim will seek out a persecutor and a rescuer who will save the day, but may also perpetuate the victim's negativity.

Rescuers typically adhere to the following motto: "Let me help you." They often exhibit enabler tendencies and may experience guilt if they do not intervene.

However, this intervention has a negative effect: it maintains the dependent status of the victim and provides them with an excuse for failure. The reward for this rescuer role is that the focus is shifted onto the rescuer.

This allows them to deflect attention from their own anxieties and problems by focusing on the issues of others. The rescuer's role is also crucial, as they are primarily concerned with avoiding the transformation of their own needs into victimhood.

The persecutor (also known as the villain) is inclined to blame others for the situation at hand. The persecutor is typically controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritarian, inflexible, and superior.

In the initial stages of the process, a dramatic triangle is formed when an individual assumes the role of either the victim or the persecutor. This then leads to a subsequent need for the inclusion of other parties in the conflict.

It is typical for rescuers to be encouraged to attend the scene. The roles played by these recruits are not fixed, allowing for a variety of potential scenarios.

For example, the individual in the victim role may open up to the helper, who then assumes the role of the persecutor.

This situation persists because each participant fulfills their (often unconscious) psychological needs without having to acknowledge the wider dysfunction or harm caused by the situation as a whole. Each participant acts according to their own self-serving interests rather than in a truly responsible or selfless way.

It has been established that any character may "usually appear like a victim of robbery." It is now evident that as long as the character is "accidental" and offers an apology, they are permitted to assume the role of the persecutor.

The motives of the rescuer are the least transparent. In the context of the triangular dynamic, the motives of the rescuer are complex and opaque, and in a sense, benefit from the "rescuer" role.

Those who offer assistance may have a superficial motivation to resolve the issue at hand. They may appear to exert considerable effort to achieve this, but their actions may also be driven by an implicit desire to succeed in a way that benefits them. This could include a desire to gain a boost to their self-esteem, such as becoming a role model or a respected figure in the field of assistance. Alternatively, they may derive pleasure from making someone dependent on them and trusting them, and acting in a way that superficially seems to be trying to help, but at a deeper level in order to continue to be rewarded.

The relationship between victim and rescuer can be one of codependency. The rescuer may inadvertently encourage the victim to remain dependent by reinforcing the victim's perception of themselves as a victim.

By providing care and assistance to those in need, individuals can meet their own requirements.

When individuals enter the drama triangle, they typically assume a main role or a habitual role (victim, rescuer, persecutor). It is first necessary for participants to understand their habitual roles in their families of origin.

Even if the participants each have the most recognizable role, once they appear in a triangle, they will rotate in all three positions.

In my assessment, your boyfriend was a victim in the initial triangular relationship. It seems he lacked a sense of security, belonging, and worth from his ex-wife, which prompted him to seek external support. You entered his life as a source of stability and assistance. He should have taken the initiative to develop his full potential and personality, rather than relying on you for support. Your rescue saved him from the responsibility of self-growth. Due to his dependence on you and his animosity towards his ex-wife, he chose to surrender to you and divorce his ex-wife.

The former spouse is now the victim in the traditional sense. The individual in question chooses to leave everything behind in exchange for his own sense of guilt. Perhaps at that moment, you became a "persecutor" in his mind, just like him, and his former spouse needed him to become a savior.

The roles have undergone a significant transformation. He also feels insecure with you. In comparison, it appears that his former spouse provides him with more "emotional energy" and "symbolic capital (mother of his child)" than you do. Consequently, he has started to disengage from you and seek assistance from his former spouse.

If you examine your own patterns in the relationship, you will be able to identify the optimal course of action. By understanding your emotional energy and your own symbolic capital (cultural capital and social skills), you can maximize your profits in the interactive ritual market. If you still want to win back your boyfriend's heart, you need to change the pattern of your interactions. One person has to pursue the relationship, and the other person will inevitably have to withdraw.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you find it useful, please click "Like."

The text reveals the questioner's intense feelings. Perhaps the questioner feels that she has done and considered everything for her boyfriend, thinking of him. But her boyfriend is still "three-minded and two-hearted" and even agreed to break up with her after she said she wouldn't delete her ex-wife's WeChat. This may have been completely unexpected for the questioner, right?

At first, the questioner didn't ask her boyfriend to delete WeChat because she felt it was really unnecessary. So what made her change her mind?

Now, what considerations are the questioner basing on to force her boyfriend to delete his ex-wife's WeChat? Is it because they are in contact too frequently and they are excited to see what happens when they're not in each other's lives?

Or is he doing the same thing as his boyfriend – giving up everything and voluntarily giving the garage to his ex-wife! He told me that he had already hurt her and there was no need to make her sad again (meaning that deleting WeChat would hurt his ex-wife). Does it feel as if his ex-wife occupies a "more important position" in his heart than you?

Was your test of "break up if you don't delete WeChat" also meant to verify this? It's a great way to find out whether you are important to your boyfriend or if his ex-wife is important to him!

Your boyfriend divorced his ex-wife because of you, which is amazing! However, it seems that the questioner still doesn't quite believe that your boyfriend's feelings for you outweigh his feelings for his ex-wife. At the same time, it indirectly shows that the questioner really cares about this boyfriend and is excited to see what will happen next!

"The moment we get divorced, I'll make him think about it! He made the decision to get a divorce, so he should know..." The questioner said this to her boyfriend, but it also applies to the questioner: you are with a man who got a divorce for you, but he'll be able to "leave" completely and cleanly right away!

Just think of all the possibilities! There will undoubtedly be some entanglements.

If the man can quickly get completely and cleanly out of the way, it may also make the questioner secretly wonder: what will he do next? Does he have a heart? Does he have feelings?

Oh my gosh, I can't wait to see what he does next!

The original poster cares so much about this boyfriend that she's inadvertently attached too much importance to whether he keeps his ex-wife's WeChat.

In order to "hold on" to your boyfriend, you made the bold move of saying "break up if you don't delete WeChat," but this might push your boyfriend further away from you. Perhaps your boyfriend is also feeling frustrated that he divorced his wife for you, but in the end, he might feel like you don't understand or sympathize with his situation.

Since both parties have come to this point, it's time to give each other a little more trust and understanding! This is the perfect way to strengthen your current relationship!

I really hope my reply has been helpful! Best wishes!

It's so sad to see that your boyfriend would rather break up with you than delete his ex-wife's WeChat. It shows that his focus has shifted.

Before, your boyfriend divorced his ex-wife for you, and at that time, he was really focused on you.

I really feel for him. He may regret it, or feel guilty towards his ex-wife and child, so he chose to break up with you under the options you gave.

It's so hard when our partners are going through something difficult. It can make us feel like they're not quite themselves, and it's natural to wonder if their emotions or personality are a bit unstable.

We each have children, and we're so lucky to have them!

He has custody of his son, and the child spends four days with him and three days with his ex-wife every week! They agreed that the child would be picked up and dropped off by the grandmother, and that he would be contacted about important matters concerning the child!

Oh dear, it seems that the boyfriend only agreed with his ex-wife that the grandmother would pick up and drop off the child. Now that they have been divorced for a few months, they still contact each other almost every day! And he deleted the chat history of the past few days!

The poor boyfriend and his ex-wife have a child together, and they each take care of the little one for a few days each week. It's only natural that they'll cross paths from time to time!

It's possible that they might need to chat about things regarding the child.

They might even chat about other things here and there.

I know it can be hard, but if your boyfriend didn't choose to leave, it's possible he still has feelings for his old home.

Plus, in that household, there are his children, his car, and his house, and there are so many ties, so it's totally understandable that his attention will be focused more there.

You noticed that he deleted his chat history with his ex-wife a few days ago. It's possible that he and his ex-wife were chatting about something they didn't want you to see.

I totally get it. Those topics, whether they're about the kids or something else, might make you feel a little uncomfortable.

I can see how you might feel like there's always a shadow of his ex-wife between you and your boyfriend.

I had a chat with him and said that the kids are already able to spend a few days with each other every week, and it's really important for them to stay in touch because of the children! And I didn't ask him to delete WeChat in the first place because I didn't think it was necessary!

But they still contact each other, and the topic of conversation is also the child!

You didn't ask him to delete your ex-wife's WeChat at first, because you trusted your boyfriend, right?

You also know that they have a child together and that normal communication is still needed, so you are a reasonable person, my dear.

But here's the thing: they don't need to contact each other every day, even if it's for the sake of the child. I know it can be hard to accept, but try to remember that your boyfriend cares about you and wants what's best for you.

I was really sad, and after all this time, he still did the same thing, so I asked him to delete his ex-wife's WeChat! I said that if you don't delete it, then we're breaking up, and he agreed!

He gave up everything, including the garage, to his ex-wife! Now he tells me that he has already hurt her and there is no need to make her sad again (meaning deleting WeChat will hurt his ex-wife).

You've chatted with your boyfriend lots of times, but he hasn't agreed to your requests.

He said he didn't want to hurt his ex-wife again, which I totally get.

It's clear that he feels guilty towards his ex-wife.

I'm sure he loves you and wants what's best for you, but it seems he hasn't considered whether you might get hurt.

I'm sure you'd agree that if he didn't contact his ex-wife every day via WeChat and didn't cause you anxiety, or if there was a better way to handle the relationship between the three of you, you wouldn't have asked him to delete his ex-wife's WeChat, right?

Even though your boyfriend divorced his ex-wife because of you, he's chosen this path, so he needs to take responsibility for his new family. That means he can't be two-faced and hurt more people.

I'm sure you let him choose so that you could strengthen his resolve, right?

From the moment we got divorced, I told him to think it over. He made the decision to get divorced, so he should know that, under these circumstances, it's just not possible to see the children every day.

Oh dear, now they're going to contact each other outside the agreed time! It's all because of the child, bless him.

I'm so sorry to hear that your boyfriend has chosen to divorce his ex-wife.

Moreover, before his divorce with his ex-wife, you kindly reminded him to think it over.

You're not forcing him to get a divorce, and he should know that if he does, he won't be able to see his child every day.

I can imagine this is making you really unhappy.

I'm really sorry to hear that he's chosen to break up with you now, just to keep in touch with his ex-wife on WeChat. I can imagine you must be feeling pretty aggrieved.

It's so unfortunate that this has happened.

I really hope he values you and takes care of your feelings.

You did the right thing by standing your ground and setting boundaries. It's not easy to be caught in the middle of a relationship between three people, especially when you don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. You've done what you needed to do, and now it's time to take a step back and focus on your own happiness.

Well, that's the end of the story!

Hi, I'm Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor. I wish you all the happiness in the world!

I am pleased to be of assistance.

From your account, it appears that an agreement to divorce has been reached. However, if the two parties fail to adhere to the terms of the agreement and are compelled to interact on a daily basis, it suggests that they still harbor feelings for each other. Nevertheless, it also indicates that the relationship between the two of you may not be as unbreakable as previously assumed.

Furthermore, if your boyfriend also deletes the chat history, it can be inferred that his ex-wife has likely reconsidered her stance. It is also plausible that his ex-wife is exploiting his emotional state, and your boyfriend is concerned that you will perceive this, leading him to delete the chat history.

I wish to clarify that this is not my intention.

I can provide an illustrative example from my own experience. The man in question did an admirable job of maintaining boundaries. He made a point of contacting his ex-wife in the presence of his current girlfriend. Similarly, if he saw the children when he went out, he would take his current girlfriend with him. Ultimately, the success of these strategies hinges on the man's willingness to provide sufficient security.

If the issue is repeatedly raised, the man may come to believe that his partner does not fully comprehend the situation, particularly given the knowledge that he has a child with his former spouse.

It may also be beneficial to discuss your thoughts with your boyfriend and inquire as to whether he would be willing to make some minor adjustments. Given that you are currently residing together, it is important to consider all aspects of the situation.

If there is a mutual romantic interest, it would be advisable to engage in a calm and rational discussion with the other party. Given the existence of a child, it is not feasible for the two individuals to maintain a complete separation.

However, it is first necessary to explain to your boyfriend that they can contact each other, but that they must inform you of such contact. If your boyfriend agrees, it indicates that there is still an opportunity for you to salvage the relationship.

Otherwise, it would be prudent to consider the issues that are currently present in the relationship.

I believe you mentioned that he divorced your ex-wife because of you. However, it seems that he is still in contact with her about the children, feels sorry for her, and would rather break up with you than delete her WeChat. This seems to be at odds with what you want. I can sense your frustration and helplessness.

Could you please share your thoughts on what might have prompted his initial divorce from his ex-wife? Did you notice a change in their communication patterns after the divorce?

Could you tell me whether there was something that happened, or whether you noticed certain signs when they started to contact you more frequently? How did you feel at the time?

Could you please tell me how these emotions have changed?

Given the circumstances, it might be helpful to reflect on whether the divorce was solely due to your relationship with his ex-wife. It's understandable if this incident has significantly impacted your life and state of mind.

First, take some time to process your emotions and find a sense of calm. Then, you can approach this matter with a clear mind. Have you considered how you would face this situation if it were to arise? It would be wonderful if she could stay by your side in the future, accompanying you through life together. However, it's important to consider whether he can truly let go of his ex-wife and put the children's needs ahead of his own.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether he is truly capable of doing that. If he is not, it might be worthwhile to think about what kind of life you would like to lead in the future.

It seems that you really want him to live with you. Perhaps it would be helpful to think about what you want most in this situation. What do you want most from him?

Could this kind of thing be obtained from anyone other than a divorced man with children, Annie? As long as you are fully prepared to accept and change yourself, it might be possible to find it with someone else.

I'm truly sorry for the pain you've endured during this time. It's important to find some time to relax and think seriously about your future. It's crucial to avoid getting caught up in the emotions that other people bring to the table. Instead, focus on planning for your future and that of your child. A comfortable state of mind is something you can cultivate for yourself. It's not something you can solely rely on other people to provide. If you feel comfortable, it will positively impact your world.

I hope things go well for you and look forward to seeing you again soon.

Everything seems very trivial in front of the child, and your love seems to have been put in second place. But you can see that he thinks about the child every day and wants to communicate with you about the child's situation in the early stages! The child's custody was awarded to the child's father, but his mother is constantly taking care of him. This is great because the child's growth is definitely inseparable from the mutual support of multiple parties!

Children can only grow up healthily in a familiar environment and with the support of familiar people. This is probably also what your boyfriend is worried about, which is why he keeps in touch with his ex-wife and is reluctant to delete her WeChat. Originally, it was agreed that they would alternate taking care of the children for a few days at a time, which is a great solution!

But there are so many exciting details to consider! It's impossible to say yes right away, but that's OK. You also have the convenient option of contacting him through WeChat. In your daily life, you may neglect yourself because he is actually a divorced man with children, so he may have a lot on his plate.

Children are an amazing gift and often take priority over the adults in their lives. From the first month after birth to reaching the age of three and starting school, children rely on us for everything. It takes a lot of energy and money to invest in them, but it's one of the most rewarding things you can do!

It's been a few months since the divorce, but there's still so much to talk about! He's leaving the house empty-handed, but he's still concerned about his ex-wife. He took the initiative to give his ex-wife the garage, and he's afraid of hurting her feelings. It's possible that, in his heart, his children still seem to be more important than your love. We need to recognize this reality and work through it together!

It's time to clarify your position and see if the relationship needs to continue! You can also make the worst decision and plan for the worst. Weigh the pros and cons and your own feelings. I highly recommend that you seek some counseling and take a love background test to understand your own views on love and to ease some of the current situations. You can talk to a trusted friend about this and see if you want to continue with this man in the future or not. Best of luck!

ZQ?

Hello, question asker!

In the description, you say you're unhappy that your boyfriend contacts his ex-wife frequently. You threaten to break up with him if he doesn't delete her WeChat, and he surprisingly agrees. You feel angry and aggrieved, right?

First of all, after his divorce, he will undoubtedly require more companionship for the children. You strongly suggest that he frequently contact his ex-wife, so I ask you again, why? You mentioned exchanging information because of the children, so I want to know the situation with the children.

Have you communicated with him?

You think your boyfriend can get along with you and his mother, and that there is no need for frequent contact. You are worried that he is still attached to his wife. Tell him about your worries and express your needs, but don't be emotional.

Furthermore, when he divorced his ex-wife, he felt guilty about leaving her the house and car. If you ask him to delete WeChat, he'll feel you don't understand his guilt. Forcing him to do so will push him away even more, which is why he agreed to break up. So, can you really understand him?

Put yourself in his shoes. He should put himself in yours and sacrifice his last sense of responsibility.

You said he got a divorce for you. When he got a divorce, you told him to think carefully about it, and that if he got a divorce, he should be prepared not to see the children every day. Divorce was his own choice.

He has gone beyond the agreement, and you feel you cannot understand him. Do you still want to be with him? You ask yourself.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!

Greetings, Landlord:

Life is replete with uncertainty, and the outcome of many events does not align with our expectations.

The dissolution of his marriage to his former spouse was not solely motivated by your presence in his life; it was also driven by his own personal considerations.

It is possible that the previous relationship was unsuccessful due to a lack of attention and a lack of novelty. It is also possible that the OP is physically attractive and relatively young, which may be appealing to the subject.

The decision to delete the WeChat account is ultimately inconsequential. Regardless of whether or not the account is deleted, the fact that the individual was previously married to his ex-wife, and that he has a child, will remain unchanged.

The presence of children is a significant factor in this situation. While it is irrelevant whether or not the individual in question does not have children, if they do, it is imperative that their wishes are respected.

In the unlikely event that the child experiences distress as a result of the divorce of his parents, develops feelings of envy towards other families that appear to be complete, exhibits a decline in academic performance, experiences discrimination from classmates or educators, or undergoes a change in character, it is possible that the child may require additional support.

From another perspective, if the host is able to retain his affections, to gain his approval, and if you are a necessity in his life, he is unable to exist without you.

Notwithstanding any ongoing contact with his former spouse, he will not abandon you.

It is unclear whether you have children. However, it would be beneficial to empathize with the other party, even if you do not have children of your own. It is possible that your child does not require contact with your ex-husband, but it is also possible that the other child desires to maintain a relationship with their mother.

If the situation subsequent to the divorce is not as favorable as it would have been had he not divorced, it is unclear why he initially remained in the marriage and betrayed the stability of the family unit.

It would be beneficial to consider the factors that led to his withdrawal and inability to take the initiative to pursue a relationship with you. Was it due to a perception that he was inadequate for you, or a lack of comprehension of his intentions?

He betrayed his oath at the time because he saw more future and hope with you. However, is the current situation of quarrels, being disliked, and being blamed what he desires?

...

...

I empathize with his situation. He has a history of transgressions against his former spouse, mistreatment of his offspring, inability to sustain the original family structure, and ineffectiveness as a father. Despite his evident dedication to the new relationship, he has not been adequately acknowledged.

It seems reasonable to posit that he is depressed and will engage in introspective thinking about his circumstances, formulating future plans.

Despite the aforementioned circumstances, it is evident that he still holds a place in his heart for you. Even when he is angry, he will still think of you. However, should you have wasted all his patience and trust, or should he perceive that you have come to understand that you are not what he truly desires, it would be advisable for you to remain as you are.

The guilt can be attributed to the past self's ignorance, disappointment in the hardworking and considerate ex-wife, and the pursuit of a happy life for the sake of the children.

It would be advisable to cease any further consideration of the relationship between the two parties.

Good day.

While love and marriage are both built on love, marriage involves an additional sense of obligation and responsibility compared to love. This is an inescapable responsibility that cannot be discarded, even if the boyfriend separates from his ex-wife. For the children, both parents may separate, but the father's role still exists.

It's important to protect boundaries in a relationship.

I have discussed the matter with him. I mentioned that the children have been getting along well for a few days each week, and that they still have to keep in touch because of the children. At first, I didn't ask him to delete WeChat because I didn't think it was necessary.

However, they still contact each other and talk to me. I believe the children are also a contributing factor to the situation.

I was very unhappy, and despite my repeated requests, he continued to interact with his ex-wife on WeChat. I suggested that if he didn't delete it, we might have to consider ending the relationship, and he agreed.

From the questioner's account, it seems that the primary source of contention is the boyfriend's regular communication with his former spouse. This can naturally lead to feelings of unease and a desire for reassurances.

So, if we assume that her boyfriend has indeed cut off WeChat with his ex-wife, could we perhaps consider the possibility that she can trust him to be loyal and trustworthy?

It could be said that the biggest enemy of intimacy is suspicion, as it often stems from a lack of trust. A relationship characterised by mistrust may prevent both parties from truly investing in it, which could potentially lead to a cycle of confrontation, blame and attack.

In the question statement, the word that appears most frequently is "child," which leads the questioner to believe that the child is the biggest obstacle. However, the child is not the main factor. The child is in a situation where he is forced to run between the parents for support because of his father's divorce. He himself is the victim, and this situation is caused by the boyfriend and the questioner (according to the questioner's description). Then, the questioner also has an unavoidable responsibility, and the person who is mainly responsible is the boyfriend.

It is possible that, in comparison to his decision to leave his ex-wife, the boyfriend may have felt a sense of guilt and a debt of gratitude towards his ex-wife and children when they actually separated. It is understandable that the questioner and the boyfriend had a disagreement, as this can be a natural consequence of such circumstances. If the questioner is genuinely concerned about avoiding difficulties for the boyfriend, who is caught in the middle, it may be helpful to offer more understanding, sympathy and love to the boyfriend's children, who may feel a sense of debt for losing a healthy family. This could help to balance the boyfriend's emotions and improve his wellbeing.

However, if the separation of the boyfriend and his ex-wife this time is more due to his own reasons leading to a shift in emotions and an act that goes against family loyalty, then it would be understandable if the boyfriend himself needed to bear the consequences and responsibility for his actions, and suffer the pain of divorce. As a third party in the relationship, the original poster should also reflect on whether their own position and actions are really the right choice. If their thoughts or perceptions have deviated and gone onto the wrong track, they might benefit from taking responsibility for their actions, reflecting on themselves, getting back on the right track, and finding their rightful place in the relationship. This could be a constructive way forward for themselves and their relationship.

I hope this finds you well. I wish you the best.

Hello, question asker! I'm your friendly neighborhood psychological counselor, Ying Wang.

The questioner is going through a lot right now, but she'll get through it! Her boyfriend is confused because you divorced your ex-wife, but now he's stuck between breaking up with you or deleting his ex-wife's WeChat. It seems like you can't see this man's heart right now, and you don't know what he's thinking. But right now, this shouldn't be the question you should be thinking about the most. You shouldn't focus on this man, but rather bring your attention back to yourself.

In your description, you said, "We each have children." I think you have also been through a failed marriage, and you are still having problems getting along with your boyfriend.

If you're still focusing on the other person and wondering whether they're practicing, how often they contact their ex, whether they've deleted their chat history, and even forcing them to delete their ex's WeChat, you're already predicting the outcome of your relationship and limiting your own intimacy.

It's time to turn your attention back to yourself! You need to face the previous failed marriage. Remember, the end of any marriage is not caused by just one reason. There are many reasons, and you have responsibilities that you need to pay. Pay them honestly and bravely! This is how you will grow from this marriage. You will truly say goodbye to the past and embrace the future. You will reap a good intimate relationship in the future. Otherwise, you will continue to repeat the same mistakes. Which choice will be the best for you? I believe you can make a wise choice!

So, how can you grow from your previous marriage? You need to give yourself a quiet space, calm down, and first think about the part you did wrong in your previous marriage. This may make you instinctively resist, which is also human instinct not to admit your faults. But you should learn to accept yourself, both the good and the bad—and you can do it!

There's no need to rush! Take your time to think about it until you can't think of anything else. Secondly, think about what old wounds your partner has triggered in you during your previous marriage. Often, you feel that the other person has hurt you, but in fact, it is not his actions that hurt you, but his actions that trigger your childhood wounds. So think about what you feel when he triggers your emotions!

It could be insecurity, neglect, not being loved, not being respected, being abandoned, feeling that you are not good enough, etc. Think about it, which feeling is it, and then think back to who gave you that feeling for the first time. After seeing it, go and heal, so that you can grow!

There's another important question you need to ask yourself: what do you want in an intimate relationship? Do you want the other person to give it to you, or can you give it to yourself? If you need the other person to give it to you, it means you still have some growing up to do. Otherwise, if you enter into a relationship with such expectations, and if the other person cannot meet your needs, you'll be greatly disappointed. But don't worry! This is something you can work on.

In this current relationship, you can see that you are extremely insecure. You may have felt that you had met true love when your boyfriend divorced his ex-wife because of you. This is a great sign that you are on the right track! However, after you actually got together, you would be very insecure to a large extent because of this. Since you are probably insecure yourself, you would be very conflicted and in pain. This is totally normal! You would worry and fear that your boyfriend would renew his old feelings for his ex-wife or fall for someone else. This is a great opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and your boyfriend's feelings. Pay extremely close attention to his actions and you will see that he is interested in you!

At this time, there is no point in doing these things. Sometimes love is like sand: the tighter you hold it, the faster it flows away. Men can sometimes be like children: rebellious and the more you try to stop them, the more they will do whatever they want. So why not relax and face your own sense of security alone, accompany and comfort yourself, face your own negative emotions head-on, do the things you like to do, live a carefree life, and live out your own charm. Instead, you will attract his attention, and even if you lose him, there will be something better waiting for you!

Women, first of all, need to learn to love themselves—and they can!

I really hope my answer helps! I wish you the absolute best!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

The questioner said her boyfriend got divorced because of her. She was distressed and sad, and it seemed like he'd chosen freedom over her. During the period of your love affair, you both had each other in your hearts and felt like being together all the time.

If a couple decides to divorce, it usually means that there's something wrong with their relationship. The questioner's appearance has simply given the boyfriend an excuse to get out of this difficult situation. Even without the questioner, they may also choose to divorce if they can't live together.

If the boyfriend told the OP that he chose to get a divorce for her sake, then he's also making excuses to shirk his responsibilities because he's unable to maintain his marriage. Saying that he did it for her sake is just an attempt to make himself feel less guilty.

Your attitude determines everything.

It's easy to take your loved ones for granted when you have them, and it's only when they're gone that you realize how good they were. After the divorce, the questioner's boyfriend still kept in frequent contact with his ex-wife because they'd agreed to take turns raising the child. When two people have children, it's impossible to completely stop communicating if they're not completely emotionless because the child is the factor that prevents them from breaking off contact.

From what I've heard, it seems like her boyfriend still cares a lot about his kids. He's not willing to compromise on his marriage, so he's willing to give up everything for freedom. But for the sake of his kids, he's willing to end things with the questioner.

The questioner also has kids and has kept them with her. As parents ourselves, we can really understand what makes kids happy. Even if their parents divorce, as long as both parents still love them, the kids will still be happy. Kids can enjoy all kinds of love. When kids have enough love, they can accept that their parents live apart.

When the questioner asked her husband to make a choice, his attitude said it all. Maybe his infatuation with the questioner had run its course, and he'd chosen the freedom he wanted over being controlled.

There's more to it than meets the eye.

At first, the questioner didn't mind that her boyfriend kept in touch with his ex-wife and their child. But she started to realize that she did mind. She asked him to delete his ex-wife's contact information. They had been very close, and they had also had a great time together. There was also the child to consider, and the questioner knew it would be tough to completely cut them off from each other.

Maybe the questioner was trying to test her position in her boyfriend's heart, but it ended up breaking her heart. There's an underlying insecurity there. They were once husband and wife, so the possibility of contacting each other too frequently could rekindle old feelings. That's why the questioner is asking for this.

Maybe it was a case of misjudging the relationship. It seems like the questioner's boyfriend cared more about his own feelings than about the relationship with her. When he made the decision to separate from her, it was like he was saying, "I'd rather hurt you than make things difficult for myself."

It's time to stop.

It'll be tough to give up this relationship, but looking at it from another angle and seeing the man's true colors early on might be the best way for the original poster to move on.

Putting the blame for marital problems that he can't handle onto the OP and then being unable to give the OP a sense of security after the divorce shows that this man has been very selfish. This separation is actually a good thing.

It's not our fault if we meet the wrong person at the wrong time. We shouldn't let the other person's mistakes affect us. They're just a passer-by in the protagonist's life, someone who makes us grow. Give yourself some time to grieve, to grieve for your sincere efforts, not because of the other person's choices.

Promise yourself to get over your sadness, to make your life busy and fulfilling, to turn your sadness into motivation, to become a better person, and to let the other person know that since he doesn't appreciate you, that is his biggest mistake. Leaving him will make you realize what you deserve, and he is not worth your devotion and love.

I hope my answer is helpful to the original poster. Best regards.