My child is 7 years old. I couldn't help hitting him. I feel like a bad mother. Why?

Hello, question asker! After reading your description, I understand your regret. You want to be a good mother, but you're struggling to control your emotions in certain situations. You're unsure how to get along with your child.

First, understand how your child lives and communicate with your mother-in-law.

From your description, it is clear that you and your husband both have to work, so you only come back to spend time with him on weekends, and your husband spends even less time with him. He has spent most of his formative years being looked after by his grandmother.

You see that your mother-in-law spoils him when she babysits him, and you think that beating him is the only way to solve the problem. I'm sure you're aware that beating him can't solve the problem. You see that your mother-in-law spoils him when she babysits him, but do you know how your child normally behaves?

You need to communicate with your mother-in-law.

You don't participate in his life most of the time, so what is he like when you're not at home? Your mother-in-law probably sees your child as a little naughty baby.

If your child has various faults in your eyes, then what are the advantages of your child? The answer is that sometimes paying too much attention to your child's faults will instead strengthen his awareness and perception.

He may feel that you think he's no good. Understand this, then guide her. You're rarely involved in your child's education, so communicate well with your mother-in-law to resolve problems.

Second, find out the child's underlying motives and understand the child.

You said that before the age of seven, he would play pranks on you. Before you hit him, what did you think he really wanted? When he was playing pranks on you, what do you think motivated him?

You need to communicate with him properly.

Another time, he nags you and picks on you, saying this is bad and that is bad. I want to know the reason for his behavior. You rarely spend time with him, so I want to know if he also feels a lack of closeness.

Think about it.

Third, change your mindset and approach.

You regretted hitting him, so you need to understand him to avoid feeling guilty. Children are at an age where they are very active, and hitting is not a way to solve problems.

If you feel your child is starting to fear you, you must make a change.

Before you hit him, you must calm yourself down because you don't want to regret it. Ask him why he is being so naughty. Find out what's behind your naughtiness.

Your mother and grandmother will think you're a naughty boy if you keep this up.

You don't want to be a naughty boy.

Your son looks up to your mother-in-law, so your arguments with her will undoubtedly affect his perception of you. It's crucial to reconcile and establish a unified approach with your mother-in-law to guide your child together.

Discover more of his good points. For his bad habits, digest and ignore them. Give him confidence with positive encouragement. Don't criticize him constantly. It will lower his motivation.

That's all.

Best wishes!

Hello, I am Xin'an Zhi.

From the text, it is clear that you are a mother who is experiencing pain, frustration, helplessness, and powerlessness.

The arrival of the child has clearly disrupted your plans and vision for married life. You want to solve the problem of living apart from your husband before having a child.

Tell me, did your husband share your views?

Tell me, how did he react to the early arrival of the child?

From your description, it's clear you're currently juggling both family and work, and the hardship and pressure you're under is evident. It's difficult to imagine unless you're in the situation.

You also have to deal with a centuries-old issue: the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It's inevitable that the elderly and their own ideas will disagree when raising children, which leads to conflicts. The elderly's over-indulgent behavior towards the children is unacceptable.

As a mother, I know you want to create a scientific, reasonable, and good environment for your child to grow up in.

Tell me, when you have a disagreement with your mother-in-law, do you talk to your husband? And what emotions did you feel when you talked about it?

Tell me, what was your husband's attitude after listening to you?

Tell me, when you have to work and take care of the children, does your husband say anything at all? Or do you feel his understanding, support, affirmation, and care?

The description hit the child twice. First, when he was messing with you. Second, when he was picking on you, saying this is bad and that is bad.

I'd like to know exactly how he annoyed you when he was playing up. What were the circumstances at the time?

Tell me exactly what he said and did.

I'd like to know how you responded and how the conflict arose.

He says you are not good. What does he mean by that? You feel that he is wrong, doesn't understand you, or misunderstands you?

The description says, "Is it because I'm usually too lax with him, without boundaries, principles or rules, that he behaves lawlessly with me?" This is confusing. You object to the mother-in-law spoiling the child.

You need to understand that you are too relaxed with your child. You have no boundaries or principles, which is why he behaves lawlessly in your presence.

It is understandable that in a family, one parent is the "red face" and the other is the "black face." In the description, it is stated that "He is already afraid of his father, and he can't be made to be afraid of me. It's not good for a child to be afraid of both parents in a family."

However, I can assure you that the red-faced parent is not unprincipled, and the black-faced parent is not making the child afraid.

"After these two beatings, I regretted it both times. I felt deep remorse, guilt, and remorse in my heart. I knew I shouldn't have beaten him. He is a child. I lost control of my emotions and hit him. When I think back to the process of hitting him, I feel very distressed at the fear he showed while crying. I always feel that I have done wrong and am not a good mother. How can I hit a child? How can I lose control of my emotions?"

From the text, it is clear that you are blaming yourself, feeling guilty, remorseful, and questioning whether you are a good mother.

I am not in a position to judge whether you are a good mother or whether it is right for you to hit your child. I am not you, I don't know your life, I don't know your situation, I don't have the right to say anything.

You are the expert on your own problems. You have the most experience and knowledge, and you are the only one who has the right to speak.

If you're ready, let go of all the negative emotions you've been holding in. Take a deep breath, and ask yourself, "What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? What do I really want?"

I love my children and my family. I am going to do something to make myself feel better and improve the atmosphere in the family.

Next, you should communicate with your husband, mother-in-law, and children calmly and sincerely. You must also honestly express your feelings and needs while sincerely inviting them to express their own feelings and needs.

Frankly expressing ourselves is the most effective way to release and vent the negative emotions we hold inside, such as stress, pain, self-blame, guilt, remorse, etc. This allows us to find physical and mental relaxation and pleasure.

I am certain that with love as the bond, you and your family will get better and better.

Let me be clear: every mother is a good mother. We can sometimes be blinded by love and choose the wrong way to express it. But it's okay. As long as we have the courage, willingness, and motivation to do things differently, miracles will happen.

I wish you the best.