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By Anonymous | Published on January 6, 2025
Greetings! I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, and it is important to appreciate and embrace the opportunities for growth and development that it offers.
I can sense your frustration. You adore your child, but your work schedule doesn't allow for constant companionship. The elderly caregiver is very affectionate with the child, and the child forms a strong attachment to her.
It's possible that these actions might make you feel even more distracted. Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to look at what's really going on.
1. There may be a hidden "power struggle" between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Perhaps the reason the child is crying for his grandmother is because you feel a certain pressure, perhaps even an invisible one, that the child is no longer close to you.
As the mother, you have the primary role in your child's upbringing, while the grandmother is an important figure in their life who provides support.
This kind of thinking gives you a sense of control, but the closeness between the baby and the grandmother may challenge your role as the primary caregiver. It's natural to feel a shift in your sense of superiority when there's a change in the dynamic between you and your child's other caregiver.
With this understanding, you may begin to look for clues that could help you understand the situation better. For example, you might notice that Grandma always gives in to the baby.
On the surface, there may be differences of opinion regarding child-rearing methods and educational philosophies. However, at its core, it's still a matter of differing perspectives and approaches.
If you can come to understand this, you will naturally feel more relaxed. It is not about others; you have simply become overly attached to your emotions.
"Seeing" means being aware, and change can happen from there. Because you have seen the "truth," you will naturally make changes within your abilities.
For instance, you might consider working with your mother-in-law to educate the child and convey the appropriate ways to express affection and demonstrate love. You could also try communicating more with your mother-in-law and reaching an agreement on how to treat the child.
2. Parents play an important role in a child's life.
As a parent myself, I also had concerns. I wondered if my child spending a lot of time with his grandmother might lead to emotional attachment and potential challenges in listening to his parents.
After studying psychology, I came to understand that my concerns were misplaced. The quality of time spent together with one's children is of greater importance than the quantity.
As important others to their children, parents have the potential to provide the psychological nourishment that children need for healthy physical and mental growth, particularly in the context of a positive relationship and an appropriate parenting style. You may find it helpful to refer to the book "Psychological Nutrition."
It seems that even if grandparents help with childcare, conveying some educational concepts that the parents do not approve of will not affect the parents' influence on their children as important others.
It may be helpful to talk to your partner when you encounter emotions. Children are still young and may not yet have the judgment and thinking skills they will need as they grow. It is possible that criticism and accusations from parents could become internalized as their self-assessment, which might not be conducive to healthy growth.
It would be beneficial for mothers to find someone to talk to when they have something on their mind. It is important to understand emotions and satisfy feelings.
It may be helpful to approach your parent-child relationship with a positive mindset.
It is my sincere hope that the above will be helpful to you, and to the world. I send you my love.
Should you wish to continue our dialogue, you are most welcome to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service".
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Comments
I totally get how frustrated you must be feeling. It's tough when work limits the time we can give to our kids. The child misses his grandma and expresses it because she has been a significant part of his life. Maybe we could set up a regular video call schedule so he can see her more often?
It sounds like a really challenging situation. Kids can get attached to their grandparents easily, especially if they've been around a lot. Perhaps talking to grandma about how to handle the child's requests without giving in all the time might help establish some consistency between caregivers.
I understand your frustration, but scolding him for missing his grandma might make him feel worse. Children need reassurance and understanding. Maybe finding a way to balance work and family, like planning quality time with the child on weekends, could ease his longing for his grandma.
This is such a complex issue. With both parents working, it's hard to fill that gap when the child relies so much on grandma. Could there be a possibility of involving other family members or trusted friends to provide additional support? Sometimes a little extra love goes a long way.
Your feelings are completely valid. It’s important for the child to learn that while grandma is special, you're also an important figure in his life. Setting boundaries and teaching patience can be valuable lessons. Try to turn this into a learning opportunity for both of you.