My cousin has a sharp tongue. I don't like the expression "a sharp tongue but a soft heart".

Hello, questioner! I saw that you said you don't like the expression "tough as a knife, soft as tofu," and that you don't want to endure your cousin's harsh words on the one hand, but think fondly of her on the other.

I felt a strong sense of identification at that moment. And I think the reason you feel this way is that your self-awareness is prompting you to pay attention to your true feelings, rather than being swept along by what others call "being good to you." It's a great feeling to be in tune with your own emotions!

My cousin has a way of expressing herself that is both intentional and a matter of habit. She has a limited ability to express herself, but she makes up for it with her good intentions! She places a lot of emphasis on her opinions and attitudes, which is great, but she could do more to consider the other person's feelings and attitudes. We all know that if you don't open up your feelings, you won't be able to understand the reasoning.

So no matter how right she is, you just want to smile and not say anything. Because on an emotional level, you are hurt. But you know what? That's okay!

In fact, there may be quite a few such things in life. Your cousin is not the only one with a sharp tongue and a soft heart. In the future, you may encounter such things and people with other friends, colleagues, and leaders. Then, have you considered that your own response may also need to be adjusted? It's an exciting possibility!

Your reaction is to laugh and not say anything. How do you think these people will interpret your reaction?

In the future, just think of the possibilities! They might still give you advice with a sharp tongue but a kind heart. How would you like to respond?

Absolutely! The questioner should be someone who avoids conflict in their daily lives and is relatively easy to get along with. This is really a very big advantage.

Avoiding conflict can make interpersonal relationships more harmonious and make you more popular! However, if you care too much about avoiding conflict, the conflict will not disappear, and it may be internalized and become mental distress.

So, you can try expressing your true feelings to them, thanking them for their good intentions, and at the same time, pointing out which words you are not quite comfortable with, which opinions you can accept, and which opinions you still need to consider. In other words, you have the chance to let others listen to your feelings, so that your feelings will matter and others will not recklessly hurt your feelings.

I really hope the above is helpful!

Hello, my dear friend! I'm sending you a big, warm 360-degree hug!

I have to say, I don't really believe in the saying "a sharp tongue but a soft heart." I think a sharp tongue is just a sharp tongue, and there's no such thing as a sharp tongue but a soft heart.

She's such a kindhearted soul! Surely she can speak softly?

She says she has a sharp tongue but a soft heart, but I think there's more to it than that. Maybe she's trying to cover up her badness, her insignificance, her desire to feel superior, or to distract herself from her own unhappiness in other areas.

In life, there are always people who, in their well-meaning way, accuse you, belittle you, point fingers at your life, and use their so-called life experience to tell you that you're wrong, even though they might not be right themselves.

It can be so frustrating when people say things that make us feel annoyed, but there are always these kinds of people. How can we respond in a way that makes us feel better and doesn't hurt the relationship?

First, some folks may be well-meaning, but they might not know the best way to talk to a child.

For example, it's pretty common for adults to scold children when they don't eat properly. They originally want the children to eat properly, but the children don't listen, so they can scold the children.

She really does mean well, but unfortunately, her approach is a bit harsh. It's likely that she's just not aware of more gentle ways to get her child to listen to her.

It's like your cousin. You're an adult, and she may mean well, but she may have been treated the same way all her life, and she doesn't know how to say things gently. She's just trying to make you listen to her and help you by shouting and accusing.

But hurting someone is hurting someone. Even if your intentions are good, it's still not okay to hurt someone.

Second, you should definitely tell your cousin how you feel.

You know, you could try to tell your cousin how you feel using non-violent communication.

Let's look at the four elements of non-violent communication:

Observation (state facts) – What did my cousin say?

I'm feeling a little angry, to be honest.

I would really appreciate it if you could respect my feelings because it makes me feel...

.

Please respect my feelings.

.

You know, you can read the book "Nonviolent Communication" and talk about your feelings and how you want to be treated.

I know it can be tough to speak up, especially when we feel like our feelings aren't being heard. But it's so important to express ourselves and let others know when we're feeling unhappy. Even if she thinks you're being dramatic, she's still looking out for your best interests.

You can say something like, "I know you mean well, but these words hurt me."

If all else fails, don't be afraid to speak up!

Some folks just don't realize how their words can hurt others until they're in the same situation themselves.

It's so important to speak up when you feel hurt by someone's words.

You might be surprised to find that your cousin isn't actually a "knife-wielding" person with a sharp tongue towards everyone. She may still be gentle with some people. But with you, it could be that she's just used to talking to you because you never object.

I really believe that she is capable of speaking nicely. It's just that she won't do it to you because you didn't object, and she feels no pressure to speak to you in that way.

You know, you can also talk to a counselor if you want to.

I'm a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, but I try to be positive and motivated as much as I can! I love the world and I love you!