My ex-boyfriend asked me to get back together after we broke up. Should I say yes?

Hello. I'm Yan Shiqi, and I'm here to help you answer your questions.

From the questioner's account, the love/over-a-year-since-the-breakup-why-cant-i-stop-seeking-my-ex-boyfriend-12587.html" target="_blank">ex-boyfriend is currently begging for a reunion, and she must decide whether to accept.

There are only three options, in fact.

First, they are head over heels in love.

Love is the foundation of two people being together. Life is short, and having someone you love makes life meaningful.

The fact is, the degree of love between the two question askers has not reached the point of being inseparable. That is why they have broken up and gotten back together.

Second, we must determine whether the issue of the breakup has been resolved.

It's simple: falling in love is easy, but getting along is hard.

The two question askers chose to break up, and there is a reason why.

Has the questioner clearly seen this reason and is convinced that the other person will not make the same mistake again? If so, you will not break up over it.

If it hasn't been resolved, there's no point in considering getting back together. There are only 0 times and countless times. If you can't accommodate and the other party can't change, you'll keep breaking up and getting back together until your relationship is exhausted.

By that time, your memories will be filled with pain.

Question asker, think about this carefully. You need to know the answer to this question. It's the answer you really want.

Third, you need to ask yourself: will the love between you two really have a future?

Dating without the intention of marriage is just fooling around.

You must stop in time if you can see the end from the beginning.

Otherwise, you'll end up stuck in a relationship where you're unable to leave the romance and it leads nowhere.

The questioner will find the answer to what they really want from the bottom of their heart by answering these three questions.

This is my answer. I hope it helps you.

Hello, I'm Jianlin, and I'm thrilled to be your psychological counselor!

I'm so excited to help you understand your confusion and questions! So, in your relationship, you are a university student, and your ex-boyfriend is a social worker. When you were together, he always had a condescending attitude, spoke casually, often made jokes at your expense, and would even make dirty jokes without regard for your feelings.

There are so many other situations! You feel that he doesn't love you enough, but that's okay!

You broke up with him because you felt insecure, but then he added you back in the early morning, wanting to continue being with you and not break up!

So, in the case where you love him very much, and he proposes to get back together, it's a great idea! You are very willing because you still love him. It's just that you feel insecure throughout the process, so you are conflicted and confused.

Then break up! It means there are indeed problems between you, but you can work through them together and come out stronger than ever!

First of all, we can experience it in terms of attitude. He doesn't care about your feelings, jokes casually, and speaks condescendingly and aggressively. Relying on the fact that you like him very much, he always teases you with his feelings.

An extremely disrespectful attitude shows that he really doesn't care about you. Secondly, in terms of behavior, among men and women in love, emotions are impulsive and extremely possessive, so he must be eager to be with you.

And his behavior is to stay away from you, and the reason he gives is that you have body odor? This shows that he doesn't love you from the bottom of his heart, and in fact, he still feels a sense of disgust. But here's the exciting part! This also shows that he's not ready for a committed relationship. He's still exploring his options.

Loving someone means accepting all aspects of that person, and it's clear he hasn't done this yet! Another thing is that he often compares you to his ex-girlfriend and even more bluntly points out the differences between you and his ex.

This shows that he has not yet fully emerged from the shadow of his ex-girlfriend. At the same time, he is starting to recognize the differences between you and his ex-girlfriend.

From this point of view, you are not the most suitable choice for him. But that just means there are plenty of other great options out there for you! He may only be with you because you are taking the initiative and he is being passive.

Maybe he just wants to use you as a backup!

So, you said you want to get back together after breaking up? Great! Let's first say that there must be a reason for breaking up, and it is an unavoidable problem.

So, you want to get back together? Great! But have you resolved the reasons for the breakup? If not, then after getting back together, you'll still have those same problems, and you'll continue to break up. So, let's resolve them!

Then in terms of his behavior, since he doesn't love you enough, he can't accept all your good or bad points. Obviously, in the process of getting back together, he hasn't shown his sincerity. But that's okay! He just says that he can't sleep, that he doesn't want to let go, and that he wants to continue with you.

He's not being sincere enough! His words are very rash.

Since his inner problems have not been resolved, he wants to get back together with you!

From an internal perspective, perhaps you are backing up this role and not removing it. He just used you, and continues to love him as such an identity, and wants to keep you around.

So, to sum up the problems we've analyzed together, if you want to get back together, it'll take time to verify the changes in his problems. But it'll be worth it!

And his sincerity! What do you think? So in this piece of being responsible for your own emotions.

You must be careful, but you can do it! Don't easily give yourself to someone who might use you as a backup for the person you love.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

I'm so excited to share this specific analysis of your problem that we've done together! I really hope it can be of help to you.

I also fully understand the emotional process. It is very difficult to rationally deal with the person you love and make the ultimate painful choice. But you can do it!

It is a very difficult thing, but I believe you can make the right judgment!

Do you agree? Let's cheer for the ultimate, wonderful you!

Hello, question asker. I am Zi Ding Ya Xiang. We met by chance and connected with our hearts. I am here to help you solve your problem.

In a relationship, there are no right or wrongs. The only thing that matters is whether the two people are suitable for each other.

Let's sort out this relationship together, because I'm currently confused and insecure.

1. You met online and the relationship you had imagined after meeting in person was not what you got. You used the fact that he wasn't happy to give feedback. It's not clear how long your relationship lasted or what progress was made, but it's clear that the foundation of your relationship was unstable, which is why all kinds of problems arose later.

2. Your relationship is not strong. When you like someone, they think it's no big deal and don't take it seriously. When you break up, they realize they love you.

There is a classic line from "A Chinese Odyssey" that is very appropriate: You didn't know how to cherish the sincere love in front of you. You only realized its value when you lost it.

3. Love is equal. In this relationship, you always feel like you are looking up at your partner. In love, the two people are equal, and no one is above the other.

4. Two people in love respect each other. The questioner talks about getting teased and joked at all the time when getting along, and it's clear that raising an objection doesn't change anything.

They also always bring up your ex.

5. Two people in love must also keep their promises and work hard to achieve the agreed-upon matters. They should set a time for video calls because their work and rest schedules are different and they cannot meet every day.

There's nothing you can do about it. If it's true love, there's nothing to fear.

The questioner can plan for themselves based on the above emotional lines.

First, you need to put a perfect end to this relationship. After analyzing the above, I believe the questioner also has an answer.

You don't need to be attached. You don't need to be completely separate. Either both of you need to change, love each other in an equal relationship, respect each other, and build a barrier of love together, firm and solid!

Second, the subject must be clear about what kind of guy they want. This will ensure they don't get lost on the way in the future.

Finally, I want to be clear that relationships can be encountered but not fixed.

I'll leave you with a quote from Zhang Xiaoxian's "Who Did You Meet at the Most Beautiful Time":

Meeting the right person at the right time is a blessing.

If you meet the wrong person at the right time, it's a mistake.

If you meet the right person at the wrong time, you'll just have to sigh.

Meeting the wrong person at the wrong time is a waste of your time.

Make yourself shine, and the outstanding person will find you.

You will find a good man soon!

This question from the questioner reminds me of a story. One night during the Three Kingdoms period, Cao Cao was resting in his tent when a soldier outside the door asked for the night's password. Cao Cao was eating a piece of chicken rib and said, "Chicken rib." After Yang Xiu, a strategist, learned about it, he said, "Chicken rib is something that, if you eat it, you get no meat, and if you throw it away, you can't let it go." The relationship between the questioner and her ex-boyfriend is a bit like this chicken rib. It's so hard to know what to do! On the one hand, break up? He's been really good to her, and she's a bit reluctant to do so. But on the other hand, don't break up? He always says things that make her feel bad. It's so hard to know what to do.

I know it can be tough to focus on your studies when you're stuck on something, and it can really affect your academic performance.

So, what should you choose? I think the questioner can decide based on their current situation. What is the most important thing they need to do right now? Should they focus on their studies and finish their education, or should they focus on an emotional relationship that is making them feel uncomfortable?

You can absolutely continue to pursue a relationship after it's over, especially if it's a relationship that makes you feel a little uncomfortable. We all have the opportunity to learn and grow, and it's never too late to start. School isn't something you can put off until later to go back to and continue studying. The question of what is more important is for you to decide for yourself, to face it and bear the consequences of your choice.

From what I can see, it seems like the questioner might not have her own opinions, especially when it comes to her future life. She seems really willing to give up her right to make decisions and do what her family says. I mean, if she's happy in the future, that's great, but if she's not, who is going to take responsibility for that?

I know it can be tough to think about, but who can afford to take on this responsibility?

Even though the questioner and the other person have broken up, it seems that the conflict between them has not been resolved. It looks like the same issues that led to the breakup are still there, which means that previous conflicts will probably arise again. This might mean that they will break up again. So, is this the kind of relationship the questioner wants?

If not, that's okay! What kind of relationship do you want instead?

These are the questions the questioner needs to pay attention to and think about. Then, they can make their own choice. Do they want to continue getting back together with the other person and get along? Or, do they want to seize the learning opportunity at hand and study hard? They could even talk about relationships after graduation!

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to send you a 360-degree hug.

From your question and your additional comments, I can see that you are experiencing a range of emotions. On the one hand, you seem to feel a degree of discomfort with your boyfriend's words and actions when you are with him. On the other hand, you appear to feel that he still cares about you, for example, by buying you durians and delicious food.

If I might be so bold as to offer my humble opinion, it seems that in this relationship, the other person has not provided you with much value. Of course, it is also possible that you have not written it down.

When you are torn between whether or not to break up, it's natural to focus on the other person's faults.

It is also worth noting that some people experience significant distress after a breakup or find it difficult to move on from a previous relationship. One way to cope with this pain is to focus on the shortcomings of the other person, which can help you to see the breakup in a more positive light. Of course, you have not yet made a final decision on whether to end the relationship, and you are still struggling with it. It seems that you are waiting for someone else to give you a reason, and then you can decide whether to break up or not.

Ultimately, though, the decision to split up or not is in your hands. After all, no matter how much empathy others have for you, they are not you. At most, they can help you see what you cannot see from the perspective of an outsider in this relationship.

I believe that your current challenge may be that you're uncertain about what you truly desire in this relationship. It's not always easy to know what we want and what we need from our partners. There's a line in "All Is Well" that speaks to this: "I want you because you are old and because you don't bathe."

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider your own needs and desires in this relationship. After all, it's important to have a sense of what you want and expect from your partner.

It might be helpful to consider that even those who are adept at selfless giving may still have an underlying desire for a sense of contribution, dedication, or the feeling of being moved by themselves after selflessly giving.

It might be helpful to take some time to reflect on what you want from an intimate relationship and what value you feel the other person can provide to you.

It could be said that what intimate relationships between people usually provide is emotional value or resource value. To put it more simply, it's either love or money. Of course, this kind of love is respectful and accepting, and makes you feel worthy of love.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you want and whether you are getting it.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes experiences periods of depression. However, I also have moments of positivity and motivation. I believe that the world is a beautiful place, and I want to spread that message.

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

From the question and the story provided, it is evident that maintaining boundaries is crucial, even in a romantic relationship. The individual in question (OP) has experienced repeated instances of emotional distress at the hands of their romantic partner, who has consistently made jokes about relationships in a manner that has caused distress. It is important to note that the jokes in question were not perceived as humorous by the OP.

The question owner's boyfriend's tendency to make jokes that upset the question owner demonstrates a lack of emotional intelligence and a lack of understanding of the importance of sensitivity when joking in a relationship. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, it is essential to exercise caution when joking with someone, as the boundaries of appropriate humor can vary significantly from one context to another. If a joke causes the other person discomfort, it is not a joke, but rather a form of malicious humor that can damage the relationship.

What are the prospects for a change in this situation?

After the questioner proposed a breakup, he deleted the questioner. This behavior indicates that the other person's thinking is not aligned with his social experience. It can be said that the questioner is more prudent in proposing a breakup after thoughtful consideration. If he truly values the questioner, he should prioritize understanding the reason behind the questioner's proposal and reflecting on his own typical challenges. Based on this understanding, he can then communicate with the questioner about potential solutions for change.

The questioner's subsequent behavior can be attributed to anger. According to the questioner's account, the questioner's boyfriend believes that, even in the event of a dispute leading to a potential breakup, it is the responsibility of the initiating party to propose the dissolution of the relationship. The deletion of contact information can also be interpreted as an act of retaliation against the questioner.

In attempting to rekindle the relationship, does the OP anticipate significant personal changes on his part? Or is this a temporary response to the separation?

Allow time for cooling off.

The reason the questioner proposed breaking up is because your status in this relationship is unequal. In your boyfriend's eyes, you seem to be lacking in a number of key skills, and the things he says are having a negative impact on your self-confidence.

Such a partner is actually "toxic," because his occasional attacks will make the questioner doubt himself and even feel that he is really very bad. This behavior of the questioner's boyfriend can also be said to be enhancing his own sense of superiority by attacking the questioner's self-confidence. Long-term exposure to this mode of interaction will make the questioner increasingly depressed and increasingly inferior, because he is constantly reminded of how many flaws he has.

The questioner has given considerable thought to the possibility of ending the relationship. It should be noted that a person's character is not formed in a few words. Therefore, since the proposal of a breakup has already been made, it may be beneficial to agree on a time frame for both parties to reflect on the potential outcome of the relationship.

Consider your requirements.

A positive relationship can facilitate mutual growth and improvement. However, based on the description provided by the questioner, this relationship has resulted in the experience of heightened negative emotions. Additionally, when seeking a response from your boyfriend, you have not received the level of security you require.

To what extent does your boyfriend's personality align with your personal standards for a partner? Have you repeatedly adjusted your expectations to accommodate your boyfriend?

If it is a compromise, then upon waking after an extended period, one may experience a sudden sense of confusion regarding the relationship and even perceive a gradual loss of identity. Only by taking the initiative to disengage at the optimal time can one facilitate personal growth and maturity.

In this relationship, the questioner has also invested emotions, so when facing a breakup, they will still be sad. Regardless of the subsequent decision, it is more important to first relieve their current emotions.

1. Disclosure: Those in possession of the relevant information are in a superior position to make decisions, particularly in the context of relationships. When a relationship is characterised by an inability to move on, it can have a detrimental impact on both parties. Despite the lack of happiness in the relationship, individuals may become accustomed to it and reluctant to end it. In such instances, it is crucial to seek guidance from a trusted source and engage in a constructive dialogue. This process allows for a comprehensive analysis of the situation and potential solutions.

2. Go out: When we are in a bad mood, it is important to avoid remaining in the dorm alone. Instead, go out, take a walk, exercise, and observe the people, things, and scenery around you. This will help you relax and avoid daydreaming alone.

3. Cultivate contact with sources of happiness. This can be achieved through interaction with optimistic individuals or exposure to positive stimuli such as humor. It is important to recognize that happiness is contagious. When we are around optimistic people more often, we will become happy too. When we watch more funny variety shows or comedies, it will make us feel happy. It is actually not difficult, and this can also distract our attention, so that we are no longer bothered by one thing. When we are happy, we will also be more rational when judging a matter.

I hope my response is helpful to the questioner. Best regards,

Hello, question asker! My name is Jia Ao, and I'm not looking for anything.

I have taken the time to carefully read through the issues and confusion you have outlined on the platform. It seems that your ex-boyfriend has returned to you after a period of separation, and you are currently experiencing a sense of indecision regarding whether to agree to resume your relationship. From your detailed description, I can also perceive that you still have feelings for him, but your ex-boyfriend may be perceived as somewhat immature and unreliable, with a tendency to make jokes at your expense. I imagine that you must have been deeply hurt before you chose to break up, right? What would you suggest you should do? Should you agree to resume your relationship with him?

If I may, I would like to help you analyze and sort out your question.

From your original description, let me help you sort it out:

Could you please clarify the reason you chose to break up?

"My ex-boyfriend made a number of jokes about our relationship, which caused you discomfort. He also made some jokes that were not appropriate for the situation, which made you feel uncomfortable. You also felt that you had acted rashly when you broke up, so you broke up.

I believe his reason for choosing to get back together is…

"He deleted you and then added you back, saying that he can't sleep, that he's struggling to let you go, and that he makes random jokes because he's unsure of how to express himself."

I would like to respectfully address your concerns about getting back together.

It seems that you were long-distance lovers, and you had a disagreement when you met up. You feel that your ex-boyfriend may not respect people as much as you would like, speaks in a way that could be perceived as condescending, and is unafraid to make fun of you.

"He often expresses that he's not interested in the relationship and has mentioned breaking up on numerous occasions. Additionally, he's made comparisons to his previous partner, suggesting that you're not as attractive as her. This can be a sensitive topic for you."

"He is working while you are still in your senior year of college, and your work and rest schedules are very different. This may mean that you don't have enough time with him every day."

It might be helpful to consider that he may not always be able to reply to your messages in a timely manner or answer the phone. This could contribute to feelings of insecurity. It's also possible that his attitude has shifted somewhat from when he was courting you.

"There are also a number of practical considerations to take into account. You hail from the south, while he is from the north. Your parents would prefer you to find a partner from a similar background, and there may be challenges if you were to move in together in the future."

It might be helpful to take a step back and look at the situation with a more objective and calm perspective.

It seems that there are a number of issues between you and your ex-boyfriend. It's not just a matter of the relationship, but there are also practical problems that need to be resolved. Now that he has returned, it's unclear whether he has come to his senses or if he is simply lonely.

Ultimately, only you know the truth. It might be helpful to have a good talk with him or to stop the relationship yourself. If you could let him see you in a new light and encourage him to reflect on the reasons for the breakup, it might help him to have deeper feelings for you again. The outcome of the breakup might also be more open to change.

It might be helpful to accept your emotions as they are.

It would be challenging for anyone to make a decision in the face of such a complex issue. You have been generous and accommodating in this relationship, and you are deeply aware of the dynamics at play. You have a clear understanding of the challenges that exist between you. It might be helpful to accept your emotions in a genuine and honest way, prioritize your own needs, and take care of your emotions and feelings. It's also important to recognize when it's time to step back and avoid making hasty decisions. If you feel consumed by the relationship, it might be beneficial to take a moment to reflect and assess your priorities. If you still want to fight for the relationship, it's essential to address the underlying issues first.

[It would be helpful to remain clear-headed, calm, and independent.]

From your ex-boyfriend's perspective, it would be helpful to understand whether he has ever truly loved you. It's important to recognize that even if he struggles to express it, he should at least be full of love for you. It seems that he may view you as dispensable, and that he only thinks of you when he is afraid of being lonely. If you can accept this, that's fine. However, if you feel it's not the best situation, it might be helpful to consider removing yourself from the situation completely. It's important to invest your emotions and energy in a way that feels loving to you.

It might be helpful to consider maintaining a safe distance and boundaries in this situation.

From the perspective of your relationship, it seems that there might be some underlying issues that are causing difficulties in your communication with your ex-boyfriend. It appears that there have been instances where the other person has crossed certain boundaries, which has led to feelings of discomfort and hurt.

It seems that you may be experiencing some difficulties in expressing yourself and understanding how to interact with others. Joking around, mentioning breaking up frequently, disrespecting people, and casually criticizing and insulting are all behaviors that can contribute to these challenges. It's also possible that you may lack compassion for yourself and others, which can make it difficult to navigate relationships. It's understandable that you might feel the need to mention breaking up because you're struggling to cope. However, it's important to remember that your feelings are valid, and you deserve to feel comfortable and respected in your relationships. It's natural to worry about the future when we're facing challenges in our relationships. However, it's also essential to focus on the present and take steps to improve your communication and understanding with your partner.

[Establish a good communication model]

After helping you analyze all this, I hope you have a good idea. No matter what you ultimately choose, I believe doing what is right is the best thing. If you really can't continue being together, I think it's important to communicate clearly with the other person and tell your ex-boyfriend all your concerns. But no matter what the other person asks, I believe you should make your own decision. Don't be easily swayed, and I hope you can find a result that can solve the current problem, not just casually coaxing a reconciliation. Do you understand? I hope everything is fine.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you all the best.