My father caused family discord, and I had to take a leave of absence from high school due to depression over this matter. What should I do?

Dear Classmate, I can perceive the confusion you are experiencing, and I extend my support to you.

In essence, you are stating that your father frequently engages in heated discussions with your mother in your presence, which has a detrimental impact on your ability to study effectively.

Is that an accurate representation of the situation?

It would be advisable to identify an opportunity to communicate with your father.

Should you engage in conversation with your father, it is likely that the arguments will continue to occur in front of your mother. However, this does not preclude the possibility of finding a solution.

It is still possible to identify a solution.

It would be advisable to ascertain whether the high school currently attended provides student dormitories or similar accommodation.

If such a resource is available, it would be advisable to consult with the homeroom teacher at your high school regarding the specifics of your family's current situation.

Should the homeroom teacher be made aware of the circumstances pertaining to your family, it is possible that he or she may exercise discretion.

For instance, one might be permitted to reside in the school dormitory from Monday to Friday.

You will only be permitted to return home on Saturdays and Sundays.

In such a scenario, the individual's learning state is unlikely to be significantly influenced by the discordant family atmosphere.

This may be a solution.

It is my sincere hope that you will be able to identify an effective solution to the problem you are facing in the near future.

At this juncture, my thoughts are solely directed towards the aforementioned subject matter.

It is my sincere hope that my above answer will prove both helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I endeavor to provide thoughtful and well-researched responses on a daily basis.

I extend my best wishes to you and the entire Yixinli community.

!

Dear Sir/Madam, I am honored to be able to answer your question and hope that my suggestions will be of some assistance to you.

There are multiple approaches that can be taken to address this issue.

The initial step is to promptly address any mental health concerns. In the event of mood swings or the onset of a mental illness, it is crucial to seek assistance from the school's mental health professional or a qualified medical practitioner.

It is also important to pay timely attention to our mother's physical and mental health. If necessary, it may be beneficial to seek timely help from a psychologist. Additionally, it is appropriate to inquire about our mother's feelings and thoughts regarding the family and marital relationships.

It is not within our purview to intervene in this matter; however, we can provide assistance and support to the mother. It is essential to ascertain whether the couple relationship is characterized by harmony or if they aspire to maintain the status quo or pursue a change.

Ultimately, it is essential to address not only family relationships and parent-child relationships, but also the husband-wife relationship. The father's failure to assume responsibility as a father and husband has resulted in an imbalance within the family unit, which in turn has a detrimental impact on the well-being of all three individuals.

It is therefore recommended that the father assumes the role of mediator. In the event that this is not feasible, it is essential that the individual in question prioritises their physical and mental wellbeing, and engages in effective personal life development planning. When the requisite capabilities have been attained, the individual should be empowered to pursue independent self-care and support for their mothers.

It is my hope that, through the processes of self-reflection or the assistance of a professional, you will be able to regulate your emotional state and maintain your physical and mental health.

I extend my warmest regards to the world and to you, my dear reader.

Good day, my name is Shu Yiqingzheng, a psychotherapy coach, and I am available to provide guidance and support as you navigate the challenges you are currently facing.

It is commendable that you were able to take a break from your studies to pursue knowledge about psychology and to seek assistance and guidance. This demonstrates a noteworthy strength in your pursuit of personal growth.

First, we will examine the psychological development theory of personality as proposed by developmental psychologist Erik Erikson.

In general, individuals progress through eight stages from birth to old age. Each stage is distinguished by a specific crisis.

It should be noted that this crisis does not refer to a catastrophic event, but rather to an important turning point in development.

The fifth stage of Erikson's theory of psychosexual development is the stage of identity confusion, which occurs between the ages of 12 and 19.

The primary challenge during adolescence is the distinction between identity and role.

Adolescence is a period of exploration, during which young people begin to experiment with different behaviors, roles, and identities.

Adolescence is a period of transition during which individuals assume a variety of social roles, including those of friends, students, children of parents, and citizens.

If parents permit their children to explore the external environment, the children are more likely to ascertain their identity.

Those who achieve a sense of identity will feel safe, independent, and prepared to confront the future, and will also be able to attempt to address their current issues in a constructive manner.

If parents impose their views on their children, the children will experience confusion regarding their role and may feel lost and disoriented.

During this period, confusion may arise, leading to feelings of being lost, insecure, and uncertain about one's place in the world.

Consequently, during this period, it would be beneficial to commence active learning about psychology and pursue self-growth, which will undoubtedly prove advantageous.

Secondly, it is important to identify any personal issues that may be contributing to the situation and seek appropriate assistance.

It is important to recognize that the dynamics of a parental marriage and relationship are a private matter and that, while one can offer support and encouragement, it is not necessary to become directly involved.

It is unreasonable to expect parents to be perfect. A parent who is 60% satisfactory is already an adequate role model. The remaining 40% of parental influence is up to the child to develop through personal growth.

The mother appears to be experiencing difficulties. Given her decision to tolerate her father's behavior, she is obliged to assume responsibility for her actions. This is a matter for her as an adult to address.

Should the circumstances allow, it would be advisable to seek the assistance of a family relationship counselor.

It is recommended that one return to the basics, love oneself first, and then love one's family. When one is overflowing with love for oneself and for one's family, the family will naturally be harmonious and happy.

In conclusion, the following section will present a series of recommendations for self-help.

A psychology teacher once posited that every individual struggling with depression is, in essence, a benevolent being. They all possess an inherent desire to love and care for others.

From a psychological perspective, however, the prerequisite for loving others is to love oneself first.

The act of loving oneself does not entail the indulgence in selfishness. It encompasses the following:

1. Acceptance of self

It is important to accept that it is acceptable to be somewhat vulnerable and imperfect, while also acknowledging the numerous instances of courage and confidence one possesses.

If the five fingers of the left hand represent one's strengths and the five fingers of the right hand represent one's weaknesses, then when the two hands are joined together, a complete self is formed.

It is therefore imperative not to demand perfection, as no individual can be expected to meet such an exacting standard.

Secondly, it is imperative to assume responsibility for one's own actions and well-being.

Firstly, it is essential to establish a clear direction and create a structured schedule.

It is crucial to engage in morning exercise in the sun for a minimum of 30 minutes.

It is recommended that you endeavor to learn to perform at least one task for your family on a daily basis. One potential task is learning to cook a meal.

Secondly, one should undertake the task of cleaning their room and desk.

The first action to be taken upon rising is to straighten the bedclothes.

Prior to engaging in reading, it is advisable to allot five minutes to the task of tidying the workspace, removing any items that are not directly pertinent to the academic pursuit at hand.

One should endeavor to eliminate from their immediate environment any items that fail to elicit a positive emotional response and to retain only those that evoke a favorable sentiment.

Thirdly, it is recommended that the individual read a few biographies of celebrities and place a few books written by these individuals on their pillow.

In the event of insomnia, one may choose to peruse the biographical material of an individual whom one finds inspiring. Such reading can provide a source of solace and guidance.

03. Seek assistance when necessary.

Even the most accomplished individual requires assistance from others.

Depression is not a personal failing; it is not a reflection of one's worthiness. Rather, it is a condition that necessitates the assistance of qualified professionals and a supportive network when one experiences confusion at this juncture.

Additionally, students may engage in discourse with their trusted and preferred instructors and classmates, or pursue further interaction with the educators and associates within the Yixin collective.

It is also possible to discuss one's thoughts, feelings, and needs with one's parents and to seek their support and attention.

I extend my sincerest regards to you and the world at large. It is my hope that this will prove to be of some assistance.

It is essential to establish a psychological and emotional distance from one's family of origin. This process of separation and the establishment of boundaries in our relationships with family members can significantly contribute to an individual's sense of comfort and well-being.

Adolescence represents a crucial phase in the process of establishing independence from one's original family. During this period, many parents and children fail to recognize the completion of the separation process. However, they are unable to resist the distress associated with the dissolution of the family unit, leading to a state of emotional turmoil.

In this case, however, it is evident that the relationship between the parents is of greater consequence than the relationship between the parents and the child. It is therefore necessary to consider the relationship between the parents in order to gain a more accurate understanding of the situation.

Although it may appear callous, it is nevertheless beneficial for your personal growth and future prospects. Your father's circumstances are a significant source of distress for your mother, and it is typical for children to become deeply invested in such emotional matters.

It is important to recognize, however, that this is a matter that concerns only you. As you prepare to leave this family, it is essential to focus on developing the capacity to live independently, both in practical terms and in terms of mental resilience.

The family of origin was the primary factor in your descent into depression, and the decision to drop out of school had a significant impact on your social functioning and mental health. It is important to recognize that there are limitations to what can be achieved during childhood. Attempting to alter the behavior of one's father or mother is not a viable solution.

One can alter one's cognitive processes and direct one's attention toward concerns that are of significance to oneself.

It is possible that you have not considered this, but some adolescents with depression have parents who have a harmonious relationship and do not experience the same difficulties as you do. However, their parents are wholly devoted to their children, to the extent that they are left with little energy for anything else. It is possible that these adolescents believe that if their parents are preoccupied with their own conflicts, they will have less energy to deal with them, and thus they will be able to live more easily.

From this vantage point, the discord between your parents has afforded you greater autonomy, contingent on how you conceptualize and process it.

Please accept this gesture of support and encouragement.

Firstly, I would like to extend my sympathies for your challenging circumstances, which have undoubtedly had a profound impact on your academic pursuits. In such situations, there are measures and resources that can assist you in navigating this complex family dynamic.

It is recommended that you seek mental health support.

1. Psychological Counseling: It is recommended that you consider seeking the assistance of a professional counselor, who can provide emotional support and help you cope with feelings of depression caused by family problems. Please be advised that schools or communities may offer free or low-cost mental health services.

2. Emergency Assistance: Should you require immediate assistance, please do not hesitate to contact your local mental health hotline or emergency services.

It is important to make plans and set goals.

3. Set small, achievable goals to relieve the pressure of school and life. This could include completing one task each day, gradually increasing your academic load.

Plan for the future. Consider future development plans, including the possibility of returning to school, pursuing professional training, or engaging in other forms of learning that align with your interests and abilities.

It is recommended that you seek assistance in resolving family issues.

5. Communication: It is recommended that you attempt to communicate with your parents and express your feelings and concerns. This may require the assistance of other adult family members or professionals.

6. Family Counseling: It is recommended that, where possible, family members consider participating in family counseling. A professional family therapist can assist family members in understanding each other's needs, improving communication, and identifying solutions to problems.

It is important to maintain your own health.

7. Healthy Lifestyle: It is important to maintain a healthy lifestyle, which includes a balanced diet, sufficient sleep, and regular exercise. This can have a significant impact on mental health.

8. Establish a support system: It is beneficial to share your feelings with friends, teachers, or other trusted individuals and establish a support system.

Legal Aid:

9. Legal advice: Should family problems involve legal aspects, it is recommended that you consult a professional lawyer to understand your rights and seek legal assistance.

Please note that these are merely suggestions, and that specific action plans may require modification according to your particular circumstances. When confronted with these challenges, it may be beneficial to collaborate with a professional to identify a solution.