My husband earns millions a year, but he hides his income and doesn't pay taxes. What should I do?

Don't worry about the future. Focus on the present.

Plan ahead. It's as simple as that. But don't worry about things that haven't happened yet. That's a sign you need to adjust.

An online relationship that ends in marriage bears fruit. Four years of getting to know each other should be the foundation of your confidence in walking hand in hand with your husband into the marriage hall. You must be able to survive on your own to ensure that you can always feel safe in this marriage. It is crucial to position and clarify these two things to relieve the owner's concerns.

There are several ways to release your worries, including the following: eliminate the factors that trigger worries from the source, find other factors that can resist or eliminate worries, and be able to release yourself from worries. Let's start with the factors at the source. Your husband's act of concealing his income has triggered your worries. This is something you need to address. Perhaps your husband's income itself is volatile due to his occupation, such as a lawyer or salesman. The gap in income is still relatively large because the market and the results of personal efforts are released at different stages, so it is indeed difficult to give an accurate valuation. This is something you need to look into. Perhaps your husband's personality is accustomed to the man being the breadwinner and the woman being the homemaker, so he has a plan for the overall family expenses and career development. In his life blueprint, he gives you the role of the family's chief financial officer, not the overall manager. This is something you need to discuss with him. Of course, it is also possible that the landlord is worried about negative factors such as an affair. Regardless of the above, we can see that the source is your husband himself. As long as this marriage exists, your husband's position is a set role, so it is unrealistic to eliminate worries from the source. This is something you need to address.

Let me be clear: the third one is the self-liberation of thought. This is a pitfall, and it is a misinterpretation of public opinion. Living with a Buddhist mindset is beautiful, but it is not practical. It is a self-deception.

Buddhism's "tolerance" is based on the premise of "emptiness," that is, the state of "originally having nothing, where can dust settle?" Let's be real, few people can achieve the state of "all is emptiness," and those who can have long since stopped clinging to the secular world. So, it's pretty unreasonable to try to get rid of worries through self-liberation.

You can find other ways to resist or eliminate your worries. Many successful married people have proven this to be true.

A woman is in control of her happiness. She must maintain financial independence in marriage. She must also maintain mental independence to keep her marriage fresh. Finally, she must achieve spiritual freedom to have a happy marriage.

If you want to reduce worries, work hard to maintain and strengthen your independence. Independence is not about devoting yourself to your career or leaving your family and home behind. It is also not about being a man-eater or a female chauvinist. It is about the value you bring to your relationship with your spouse. When you maintain a sense of worth and realize that worth, you will feel confident. Men find confident women attractive. When he is emotionally attached to you and affirms you in terms of values, he will involve you more in his life. You will also be able to explore new areas because of your insights and perspective.

I know you will enjoy this process of continuous exploration.

Hello. I can sense your anxiety from your description, your desire for intimacy and conflict, and your particular fear of being cheated on and abandoned.

As a psychotherapist, I would like to share my understanding from a psychological perspective.

You seem to lack a sense of security, which may be related to your upbringing, family of origin, and relationship with your parents. This could also explain your desire to establish an intimate relationship, but also your inner fear of instability. (In your perception, there are Neptune, being deceived, the seven-year itch, and being abandoned.) With this perception, you may be looking for reasons why he wants to deceive you: financial independence, concealment, especially when your work is not going well and your salary is halved, you become more sensitive to financial matters. This is all your subjective assumptions, and this is what you may need to be aware of.

First of all, after four years of dating, even though you are in different places, you have persevered, which shows that you love each other. It might be helpful to try to understand your communication patterns. It is often the case that mutual understanding, support, and attention have brought couples to the point of marriage. Since you are now husband and wife, it is important to have trust and respect as a foundation for your relationship. It is valuable to communicate sincerely about any thoughts you have, including your unhappiness with the job adjustment and your inner doubts.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that maintaining a partnership takes time. It is natural for two different individuals, each with their own family of origin and different personality traits, to need time to get used to each other. This includes having a baby in the future, which is something that should be discussed and planned together by the two of you. It is also valuable to express and communicate your different opinions.

Thirdly, it is important to have stable and secure attachment relationships. It is also vital to be stable ourselves. Security is something we build for ourselves. Regardless of your job or salary, it is a reflection of your value. Your husband's annual salary also belongs to him. Everyone has their own thoughts and needs. It is beneficial to give yourself and each other some space. This is also respect and mutual understanding. It is not always necessary to demand others to do things your way. It is possible that he also has the same doubts and worries that you also feel cheated. It would be helpful to first let yourself settle down, and use your true heart and love to build a warm home, to motivate ourselves to grow and to take care of our home together. Marriage is also a living thing that requires joint efforts!

It is important to love yourself before you can love your loved one.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to you today regarding a query you have submitted. Please allow me to address it. Hello, question asker,

You have expressed concern about your husband's financial disclosure and have raised questions about his income.

I am curious as to whether the lack of transparency between you and your husband is a result of his decision to conceal his income from you.

Despite being married, it appears that you have not yet fully overcome the wariness and caution you exhibited prior to marriage.

It is evident that you are unable to fully let go, as evidenced by your concerns about your husband's fidelity and your own doubts about his character. Despite the positive developments in your marriage,

Your husband is responsible for all household expenses and has even promised to provide for you and the future child.

Otherwise, you would not be concerned about the long-distance couple and the potential for a seven-year itch.

It would be beneficial for you to reflect on the following:

Please indicate whether your current concerns about your marriage and husband are related to your frustration over being unemployed and unable to find a job.

Or is this simply a reflection of your natural cautious and meticulous nature?

It should be noted that if your husband is also a cautious person, there is nothing wrong with him protecting the privacy of his income.

It may be necessary for you to open up, but it may not be the right time for him. If you continue to guard and be on your guard in running your marriage and relationship,

Will this affect the level of trust between you? After all, the fact that he is willing to bear all the expenses of the family is sufficient proof that he is capable of handling it.

Furthermore, you have presumed that the seven-year itch may be attributable to your inadequate sense of security. If you persist in leading a life characterized by suspicion and mistrust

Furthermore, this approach could have a detrimental impact on the marriage.

This is counselor Yao. I will continue to support and care for you.

Greetings. I am a heart exploration coach. I believe that the two of you are in a state of mutual distrust. This may be due to the distance inherent to online dating. You have not revealed all of yourselves to each other. The other person has hidden your financial situation, and you have hidden your distrust of the other person. You have only presented the parts that you want the other person to see.

The other party holds you in high regard. It is challenging to enter into a marital relationship without having had sexual intercourse for four years. You both have significant reservations about marriage and are testing and probing each other to ascertain the limits of your partner's commitment. In terms of mutual respect, it appears that you have reached a consensus, gained each other's favor, and formed a couple.

He has assumed responsibility for household expenses and has indicated that, should a future pregnancy occur, he will reserve funds for postpartum care and childcare services. However, he has consistently concealed his income and advised against inquiring about it. Perceived barriers between you and your partner are a common occurrence.

Furthermore, couples who live apart from each other express concern that their partner may engage in infidelity after a seven-year period.

This is the current issue that must be addressed. It is evident that the other person is a partner who is willing to spend money on you and the family. However, he is reluctant to disclose his complete net worth. Could it be that he is also concerned that you might attempt to exploit his financial circumstances? Is he not being entirely forthcoming about his feelings for you? Perhaps he is worried that your affection for him is contingent upon certain conditions. It is possible that he has had a negative experience in this regard. These are merely hypotheses, but he is concerned that excessive disclosure of his wealth might negatively impact the couple's relationship. This is undoubtedly one of the significant challenges in your relationship.

Your concern is that he is concealing financial resources from you, and the geographical distance between you contributes to feelings of insecurity. This extends to your reluctance to engage in sexual intercourse prior to marriage. Are you similarly apprehensive that you may be subjected to infidelity, abandonment, and that the potential losses may outweigh the anticipated gains?

In this relationship, both individuals are evaluating the worth of their own contributions, the trustworthiness of the other person, the extent to which they are willing to give to the other person, and the potential for loss. These considerations are occurring concurrently with the development of emotions, and neither is perceived as more or less significant. Currently, the relationship appears to be more akin to a partnership, rather than progressing to the level of intimacy.

Both individuals engage in a significant degree of self-imposed concealment, exhibit an inability to acknowledge their own giving tendencies, evince apprehension regarding the prospect of emotional injury, and conduct themselves in a somewhat circumspect manner in their interactions with one another. This is consistent with the notion of a sense of distance.

It is recommended that the individual in question learn how to manage intimacy and practice and learn from books about intimacy and reasonable communication methods in intimacy. Such books might include "Intimacy Management," "False Intimacy," "The Five Languages of Love," and "Nonviolent Communication." This would help the individual better understand themselves and the development of the relationship.

The emotional foundation of the relationship is of great consequence. The couple has formed a bond based on mutual recognition and appreciation. For a relationship to flourish, it is essential to provide continuous nurturance. It requires a considerable investment of time and courage to step into the other person's shoes and to accept oneself and the other person.

Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the link below. This will enable you to identify a suitable coach to interpret the question, select a heart exploration to accompany the chat, and communicate with me directly. We wish you the best of luck.

Hello, future bride!

Congratulations and best wishes on your new life together.

I've read your message many times. I can feel your confusion and unease. This reminds me of when I first got married. I was acting up, losing my temper, and crying.

I realized there's a type of panic called marriage phobia.

[Through Baidu, let's understand this fear in more detail: one is caused by social opinion and media analysis of marriage problems, which makes people who are "married-minded" feel pressure and worry about married life; the other is caused by one party not being satisfied with the other or doubting whether certain shortcomings can be changed after marriage.

The first time you feel uncomfortable about getting married is during your engagement. You might have doubts and fears about the marriage. The second time is the month or week before your wedding. You might feel afraid, stressed, or anxious.

The cause of "fear of marriage" at this time is that married life is more difficult.

Your current worries and fears are a common state. Everyone expresses them differently. I was unaware of why I was crying and angry, and detached from my feelings. From your account, you have been observing yourself and your loved one, and you are clear about your feelings and concerns.

If everyone is alone on a ship, seeing others in the same situation can be comforting. I hope this helps.

Phenomena are phenomena, and reality is reality. We still have to face these real problems. You came from two different families, and you formed a family. We will go through a stage of adjustment and mutual adaptation. We will understand each other better. I would encourage you to communicate more often.

This will avoid misunderstandings.

A happy marriage is not conflict-free, but it's a marriage where you can deal with conflict.

I recommend Lin Wentai's "Lin Wentai Intimacy Course – Practical Secrets for a Happy Marriage" or you can search online for her intimacy course.

We take the initiative in marriage because we are responsible for ourselves and our happiness.

I'll give you a passage from Eileen Chang's novel Love to share with your loved one.

You met the one you were meant to meet. There was no wrong time. You just happened to catch up in time. You ask softly, "Oh, are you here too?"

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach.

I can appreciate your feelings. You met online and didn't know each other well, and there were concerns in both of your minds during the relationship – fear of being cheated on, fear of a fake marriage – and after marriage, you were a weekend couple and didn't communicate much. But after four years, you have finally found happiness, and your relationship has become better and better since marriage.

It seems that the fact that you are hiding your income from your husband is causing you some concern. You are clearly earning a million yuan, but you tell him it is only 500,000 yuan (at the very least). This doesn't seem like hiding at all. 500,000 yuan out of 1 million yuan. Could you please tell me why you are so bothered?

Could I ask you to consider what emotional satisfaction you might be seeking behind your behavior?

Perhaps we could discuss this together?

?1. I believe you feel a longing for security in your relationship.

A woman in a marriage longs to feel adequately secure, valued, and cared for by her man. Hiding income is just an action, but when viewed in the context of the four years you have been dating, it can lead to feelings of insecurity, doubt, and concern.

And behind the distrust and lack of respect, there is a concern that he may be keeping something from you and that he may not be as trustworthy as you thought.

All of this is making you feel quite anxious. While these are things that you have imagined, they have already affected your life. It is worth noting that this worry and anxiety may also affect your relationship and marriage.

Perhaps we can work through this together. It's not clear why you're feeling anxious now that you're married, given that you didn't have these concerns before.

The current events you are facing are:

1) He has recently experienced a change in employment status; 2) They are married but have not yet had children, and their relationship is still evolving. It would be beneficial for you and your partner to continue to deepen and strengthen your bond; 3) He previously earned 150,000 yuan a year, but now he is seeking employment that pays 80,000 yuan a year.

These temporary difficulties have aroused your inner unease. Because security in a sense is "controllability," and unemployment and being able to find a job with a certain income are no longer things you can decide, at this time, you inadvertently learned that your husband makes millions a year, which is something he is hiding and not being trusted with. This has once again activated your deep emotions.

2. It might be helpful to put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about what they might be thinking.

The truth is often complex and multifaceted. For instance, when I see a "6," you might see a "9." Your perception is that your husband is "deliberately hiding" his income, but could there be other factors at play?

Let's try to find a solution together.

1) Despite meeting online, you still got married after four years of getting along, which suggests that there is still affection and that you both have similar goals.

2) The fact that there were no sexual relations before marriage shows that the other party respects your feelings, which indicates that he is still a gentleman and has full respect for you.

3) He also has plans for married life, with household expenses falling to him, and a plan for the confinement center and nanny when the baby is born, which suggests he is a serious, responsible man with plans.

It is important to understand that men's needs in marriage differ from those of women. Men often long to be appreciated, admired, and loved. One way to improve your relationship is to put yourself in other people's shoes, understand the truth of things, and thus give yourself more options.

3. Some tips on how to strengthen the relationship and maintain a happy marriage.

I find the book "Falling in Love with the Double Dance" quite insightful. A two-way love and marriage has the potential to withstand the test of time. Rather than dwelling on what might or might not happen in the future, it might be more beneficial to focus on the present and consider what you can do to ensure a positive future together.

It seems as though your partner may have traditional views on family roles. Would he prefer a division of labor in the family where the man is in charge outside the home and the woman is in charge inside the home? You might consider communicating with him to gain a better understanding of his views and opinions on your unemployment, finding a job again, income from work, division of family responsibilities, and so on.

This may also provide an indirect way to gain insight into the other person's values and their perception of the family.

Some people say that while a woman may be able to do without a job, she should still strive to have her own career. What does this mean? It suggests that a woman should be independent, rather than sinking into marriage and losing her own pursuits for the sake of her family and children.

While working, it is important to remember to invest in yourself, whether it's your appearance or your inner qualities. "A woman adorns herself for her beloved." Being able to make your partner admire you is indeed a crucial aspect for women. While focusing on "tying down a man" may not be feasible, focusing on "cultivating yourself" can help ensure that your partner's "attraction" will always be with you.

I hope these words are helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.