My husband has repeatedly and deliberately concealed his flirtations with girls. What should I do about this marriage?

Dear question asker, I wish to clarify that I am not arrogant and do not seek attention.

I observed your request for assistance on the aforementioned platform. It is evident that you are experiencing a state of confusion regarding the challenges you are facing in your marriage. I can particularly empathize with your situation, as it is already a significant challenge to raise a child, yet your husband is still attempting to inflict emotional distress upon you. I genuinely sympathize with your circumstances. Initially, I will offer you a warm embrace from a distance.

1. It is advisable to accept one's emotions as they are.

As a woman, I initially reacted with outrage to your experience. Your husband's actions were inappropriate and unacceptable. He expected you to assume the role of primary caregiver while simultaneously seeking admiration from other women. His actions were driven by greed. It is understandable that you are experiencing negative emotions. Anyone in your position would be angry and sad.

2. It is imperative to prioritize self-care and self-love.

Given the circumstances, it is imperative to prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Regardless of external pressures, it is essential to practice self-compassion and self-care. It is crucial to recognize that your husband may not be equipped to provide the level of love and support you require, and thus, it is vital to nurture your own needs. Your children require your presence and guidance, and the individuals in your life who care about you deserve your attention and care.

3. It is essential to establish a functional communication model.

It is imperative that, regardless of your husband's thoughts or actions, you engage in open and honest communication with him. This dialogue should encompass your future aspirations and the establishment of a robust communication framework. If you maintain the mindset of continuing with your daily life as usual, it is crucial to refrain from any further involvement with other individuals and to terminate contact when necessary. It is also essential to avoid any further emotional distress.

4. It is advisable to maintain a clear conscience regarding all matters.

Regardless of the eventual outcome, it is advisable to strive to resolve the situation independently, as this will minimise the potential for regret. The likelihood of your husband returning to the family in the future is contingent upon his own perceptions and decisions. It is beneficial to cultivate a sense of inner peace and resilience. In the future, it is recommended to seek avenues for personal growth, overcome fear, and extend the best wishes for success.

It is my sincere hope that my response is of some assistance. The world and I send our love and best wishes to you.

It is advisable to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings in a marriage.

It is often the case that it is the man who is unfaithful and who betrays the marriage. However, it is also often the case that the woman's doubts cause the man to increasingly not want to tell the woman many things for fear that the woman will think too much about it and then nag him about it endlessly. As a result, many men will choose to hide it in the spirit of "better to do less than more". In order to achieve a peaceful and stable state, as you said:

"I discovered that he had concealed numerous items, including the fact that he had gifted her a box of oranges last year, which was a Christmas present, and coffee two days ago, which cost over 400 yuan."

Furthermore, he concealed his whereabouts on numerous occasions, including when he attended the movies with friends or had a late-night snack. However, he misled me by claiming he was working overtime, despite being aware that I would be concerned.

The presentation of small gifts to one another is an effective method of fostering friendship. It is also an effective way of maintaining customer and colleague relationships.

Furthermore, the items in question were not of a costly or ambiguous nature. They were simply food items, not expensive jewelry or tokens of affection.

Therefore, this kind of gift is inconsequential and does not warrant concern.

As you mentioned, he was aware that you would be displeased, so he chose not to inform you. This indicates that he does not prioritize your feelings. From this perspective, he does not intend to end his marriage at this time. Even if he has been engaging in extramarital activities, it has not reached a level that will significantly impact or destroy your marriage.

From your account, I can see you're confused, hurt, and struggling. In this answer, we'll help you find a way to quickly regulate your emotions by looking at the "Pygmalion effect" and the "mental victory method" from two perspectives.

It also helps you understand the problem better. You can see your own thoughts and feelings clearly and decide how to deal with the problem.

Use the Pygmalion effect to guide your husband.

The Pygmalion effect shows that positive expectations and praise can change a person's behavior and thinking.

When people are trusted and praised, they become more confident and self-respecting. They work harder to meet expectations.

Praise him for being family-oriented and for calming a crying baby.

Give him easy tasks to do. Praise him for his ability and for being good to you.

Let him devote more time and energy to your family.

2. Use moral victory to relieve depression.

Your husband is interested in other women and doesn't intend to stop.

He doesn't want a divorce, but he's not faithful to you.

His attitude changed from coaxing you to refusing to communicate. He became more aggressive as he realized you couldn't do anything about him.

You said he was chatting with a girl a lot. This was a big problem for our relationship.

The first time we talked about this, he said he knew about the problem and it would be hard to make us all happy. I said we could just drift apart like friends, and he said that was a good idea.

The second time we talked, he said their relationship was fake.

The third time, he asked if I could look at their problems objectively. He also contributes to the family, and the general direction and principles are not wrong.

He wants to mix the two things together.

"I need to find the right moment and have courage to bring up this issue. I know he wants to avoid it."

When facing a marriage like this, think about two things.

Can you accept an unfaithful husband?

One woman cannot satisfy him. He is constantly seeking novelty within the marriage.

He'll have an affair and keep it going with gifts.

This is a problem with men. You have talked to him, and you can see that you can't change him.

Consider whether you can accept a fickle husband.

If you can accept it, ignore it. This is how the days go by.

Demanding your husband be faithful will lead to arguments.

This will affect your marriage. When the other person can't change, you have to decide if you can accept it.

It seems a bit self-sacrificing for the sake of the children. If you don't want to give up the marriage, avoid unnecessary arguments.

Otherwise, he'll get bored and start to rebel.

This will make your marriage even worse.

2. Prepare for both possibilities.

You don't want a divorce. You want to keep the family together for the kids.

Use your spare time to improve yourself. Focus on your emotional management and appearance.

If you can get the other person's attention, that's great. But some men are fickle, and no matter how beautiful and charming you are, he'll still be interested in other women.

Be careful when collecting evidence. Ask a lawyer which evidence is valid.

If you end up in court, you'll be ready.

Mental victory only helps for a while. When you feel better, you still need to find a solution. If you avoid it, you'll just become a "Q" character!

3. Dealing with a man's bad habits.

Men often act seriously in front of their wives. They also hide some bad habits.

But they're not satisfied and look for thrills behind their wives' backs.

You said he still loves to pat girls' feet and deletes them after. I can see them on the iPad.

"It's all there for you to discover."

I think you didn't know about this before you got married. Now that it's happened, you should think about whether you can accept it. Many men are just like him.

They like to take secret photos and visit adult websites. This is related to unfulfilled spiritual and physical needs.

Add spice to your relationship to keep his interest focused on you.

If you don't like it, you don't have to force yourself. You can maintain peace in the marriage with the philosophy of "it's hard to be wise when you're confused."

Many women don't understand their husbands before marriage, which leads to marital issues.

They feel angry.

These emotions won't help you.

You need to plan your time and improve yourself to move on from his emotions.

Let your best self meet the future.

Marriage isn't a woman's whole world. As long as you're good enough.

There will be enough good people for you. I wish you a good mood.

You will live the ideal life if you try.

Think about whether you should get married.

Greetings!

The behavior of your husband has caused you significant distress, resulting in feelings of pain, sadness, anger, and confusion. You are currently experiencing these emotions while simultaneously caring for two infants, a challenging situation. I extend my support and encouragement to you.

It is evident that your husband is driven by a desire for material gain. He engages in extramarital relationships, and he anticipates that you will accept this and assume responsibility for the family's needs without challenging his actions. Despite your repeated attempts to address this issue, he consistently offers justifications to avoid or refute your concerns. You are experiencing mounting distress, yet he appears to have become inured to your distress and even to exploit the situation to his advantage.

Individuals who respect themselves are more likely to be respected by others.

The notion that one's own actions and behaviors shape the way others treat us is a widely held belief.

In regard to your husband's infidelity, it can be argued that your passive acceptance has led him to persist in his actions. You have stated that you have spoken with him on three occasions, requesting that he gradually disengage from his flirtatious partner. However, he has asserted that this is the natural progression of events.

On the second occasion, he began to downplay his actions in a somewhat lighthearted manner. On the third occasion, he somewhat arrogantly excused himself, stating that he had also contributed to the family and that there was nothing wrong with the general direction and principles, among other things. Subsequently, he became even more unrestrained in his behavior, with no intention of stopping.

One can only expect others to value them when they respect themselves and assume an important position.

One might inquire as to why the subject is compelled to identify an opportune moment and muster the courage to broach the subject on each occasion. This behavior suggests a lack of confidence, particularly given that the subject has not engaged in any wrongdoing. The subject's assertion that it requires love from its husband is undermined by the absence of basic trust and respect. It is therefore evident that the subject cannot expect to receive genuine love in this manner.

True strength is an intrinsic quality.

"His behavior has caused me a great deal of harm, and there have been numerous occasions when I have wept alone." In order to alter this situation, it is first necessary to possess one's own strength. This strength can assist in breaking away from the false dependence on one's husband. The "sense of security" that we seek cannot depend on external factors. True strength has always originated from within.

A lack of self-worth can be a significant factor in the loss of inner strength. For instance, in situations where a woman remains at home with her infant and is not engaged in gainful employment, she may frequently experience a sense of inadequacy. However, it is important to recognize that the value of a full-time mother in a family unit is not inherently inferior to that of her husband. Firstly, it is essential to cultivate a strong sense of self-worth. Once this is established, it will become easier to gain the respect of others for one's value.

It is imperative to express oneself in a forthright manner and to stand firm in one's principles.

It is important to express one's feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner. For instance, it is acceptable to convey one's anger, grievances, and pain to one's husband in a constructive and assertive way, while also clearly stating one's principles and boundaries. In such a case, it is reasonable to express zero tolerance for ambiguous words and actions with other women, as well as for infidelity. It is essential to communicate the consequences that will be faced if such actions are repeated.

Independence is a fundamental aspect of an individual's strength, and this is similarly applicable within the context of marriage.

Only when an individual is truly independent in both their mind and in reality can they truly be strong and confident. Psychological independence signifies the absence of reliance on others and the presence of self-reliance.

Despite bearing responsibility for the care of children and the management of the household, I am able to maintain an independent personality. I am aware that I am also creating significant value for the family and that I deserve respect from my husband.

The most crucial aspect of independence in practical life is the possession of independent financial resources. One may opt for a life of leisure, but the capacity to work must be retained. One must not allow the demands of domestic chores to overshadow one's individual pursuits, interests, and social interactions. Furthermore, one should prioritize self-care and personal growth.

Independence and self-reliance serve as a guarantee for women to live their lives as they see fit.

It is my hope that Hongyu's reply will prove beneficial to you. I am grateful for your inquiry.

Hello,

Your husband has an marriage-never-coming-home-wanting-to-die-yet-unable-to-abandon-my-child-1531.html" target="_blank">affair and spends a lot of time with this person. You are sad and upset, but don't know how to solve this problem. Whenever you try to talk to your husband about it, he avoids the subject. I understand how you feel.

If we choose to marry, we have to give up some freedom to manage the marriage together. If one person wants a family but also freedom and success, that person is selfish.

A man's wife is the family fortress, while his lover satisfies his inner needs. We may not know his inner needs, but we can see that he needs his lover's adoration and his wife's support. Many Chinese men are like this.

A man feels accomplished at home because he has a family and a career. This makes him proud and creates a sense of stability. His lover may want to depend on him and further the relationship. However, a man's heart may not choose a lover as a wife. This is because a lover is a toy, while a wife is a role that contributes to the family.

Your husband will only tell you about his devotion to the family after you mention his actions towards the mistress. This is a sign of his unwillingness to take responsibility. He will also try to psychologically brainwash you. He knows it is a big mistake of principle. If a wife has a third party, he will try to make the woman leave him with nothing. This is about male dignity.

Women have dignity too. Many women choose to forgive and forget. You can forgive or leave. It's up to you.

If you leave, it will hurt your husband's pride. He will avoid discussing it with you. He doesn't want to be responsible for your problems. He just wants to keep you and your lover apart. Wouldn't that be better?

Pay attention to your heart. Give your husband a chance. If he doesn't change, you can leave. If you want to stay, change how you get along with him. If he's understanding, he'll change too. If he won't change, it's not worth it. See how you choose. I'm not telling you to leave. Pay attention to your heart. Decide if you can accept your husband's behavior. See the true thoughts in your heart. Live for yourself. Don't regret it.

I hope this helps.

Lin Yang:

1. [Admiration] Given your awareness that the primary need of the male is admiration from the female, it is therefore incumbent upon you to satisfy this need. As you have previously stated, the male requires love.

The optimal method for acquiring love is to bestow it upon others. This act of giving encompasses the expression of admiration. If an individual is already in a state of fulfillment, would they persist in seeking external sources of gratification?

2. [Ambiguous] There is a saying that describes the archetypal woman: she is elegant in public, capable in the kitchen, and willing in the bedroom. In private, however, she is a different person, a woman of loose morals.

Such a woman would be considered ideal. It is accurate to conclude that a woman must care for two children and contribute significantly to the family unit.

However, circumstances are not always straightforward, and it is not advisable to neglect the management of your relationship with your husband due to your child. If you do not engage in flirtatious behaviour with your husband and do not communicate with him emotionally, it is likely that other women will assume your role.

3. [Change places] Since ancient times, men have been responsible for the outside world and women for the home. This traditional division of labor is reflected in the commonly held belief that the husband is responsible for earning a living to support the family and the wife is responsible for taking care of the children at home and managing the household.

Furthermore, if one assumes that the primary reason for the husband's apparent lack of interest in family matters is his perceived lack of dedication to childcare, it is possible to empathize with his situation. If one considers the possibility that the husband's primary responsibility is to earn money to support the family, and that he is expected to devote all of his spare time to childcare, it is understandable why he might feel overwhelmed.

If you believe that these circumstances are acceptable,

If this is the case, it may be beneficial to discuss with your husband the possibility of switching roles for a period of time. This could provide you with insight into your husband's life, while simultaneously allowing your husband to gain a deeper understanding of the challenges you face in caring for the family and the infant.

This approach allows for a mutual comprehension of the challenges faced by both parties.

Good day, question asker.

As a woman, you may feel concerned when something like this occurs. If I may, I would like to offer you a hug from afar.

I'm wondering if you had a good relationship with your partner before you had children.

If I might inquire further, could you please tell me what your usual mode of communication was before this incident occurred? It seems that you have communicated with him about this matter on three occasions, and his attitude has become increasingly dismissive each time.

In addition to providing for the family, could you please describe how you and your husband interact with your children? Do you feel that he is attentive to their needs?

Could I ask how you divide up the childcare between you? Do you play with the children together, or do you basically take care of them on your own?

Could you please elaborate on what else he has done for this family besides earn money?

Could you please tell me a bit more about your married life?

It's important to remember that things don't happen overnight. There might be certain unmet needs at home that could be contributing to his behavior.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not trying to make excuses for him. I'm simply trying to provide an objective analysis. It's important to remember that we can't change anyone, and we can't control other people's behavior.

Perhaps we can start by looking within ourselves and recognizing the small things that may have contributed to today's events.

It is only when we change that we can influence others.

If I understand correctly, you have asked this question because you would like to find a way to repair your relationship. If that is indeed the case, I would suggest that the first thing you could do is to be willing.

1. It might be helpful to try to see the good in his past and to be grateful to him.

2. It would be beneficial to recognize the communication patterns you have had in the past, and to consider ways in which they could be improved.

3. Consider maintaining your conjugal life, trying new things, and making it more interesting.

I understand that this will be challenging, given the circumstances. However, I believe that if you are truly willing from the bottom of your heart, you can do the above three things.

I hope that you will be able to enjoy a happy and sweet relationship again, and that your two children will grow up healthy and happy.

My name is Chen Jia, and I just wanted to say that I love you all around the world.

Everyone is a beacon. Whether asking questions or answering them, words can illuminate the hearts of many people, and this is a power that we all share.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach, Fei Yun. I understand exactly how you feel. The other person's behavior has seriously hurt you. He has betrayed the marriage, betrayed the vows he made to you at the beginning, and betrayed your love and trust in him.

Give you a warm hug, and you know you're deeply hurt, but you're pretending to be strong. Coming to the platform to seek help shows you still want to salvage the marriage. From your words, I can see you're full of "strength." I wonder if you're a "strong woman" in real life.

?1. Look back at the way you get along with each other and identify the problem.

You have been married for four years, have two children, and have already established a good emotional foundation and shared many experiences together. This shows that there is still a connection between you.

A third party in a marriage is a red flag. We tend to look for the cause from the outside, but we must acknowledge the responsibility of both parties from the inside.

To put it another way, "a fly doesn't bite a seamless egg." Reflect on your marriage in the light of the other person's behavior and see what kind of problems have arisen. Of course, no matter what kind of problems arise, they are not a reason for him to flirt and cheat.

This provides a clear understanding of the core issue.

Let's be clear: men like "petite and feminine" women, so-called gentle and lovable, only because it satisfies men's needs in treating women and in marriage. Men want to be admired, appreciated, and grateful by women.

This gives him a sense of worth, of existence, and of security.

This man needs to experience more sense of value and existence at home. No matter how strong a woman is, in front of him, she only needs to play the role of his woman well.

There's truth to the saying, "Women who know how to pout are the luckiest."

Take a good look at your daily interactions and identify the real issues in your marriage. Marriage is the result of two people interacting with each other, so take responsibility for your part.

2. You also demonstrated your wisdom and calmness in communicating with the other party.

You were not being petty or putting the other person in a corner. You started with a minimum of respect and trust in him and aimed to salvage your marriage.

You are kind and understanding, and you expect your partner to read your mind correctly. Your communication, your kindness, and tolerance have not stopped his flirtatious behavior, which breaks your heart.

You are the only one who can judge whether your communication is effective. As you have described it, you have talked about this topic a total of three times, and it is clear to me that each time it has been less effective than the last. The other person is even getting more and more aggressive.

There are more than three ways to do everything. As the protagonist in a marriage, you must not allow him to "flourish red flags inside and outside the home." You said, "We can slowly fade away like ordinary friends." This is already "shielding" and "indulging" the other person.

On the third occasion, the other person mentioned their responsibility to the family with impunity. You also sensed that he wanted to confuse the two, but what was your attitude?

Marriage is a life project for both of you, and others are just outsiders. The answers are always in you. I hope the above two points give you more perspectives on the issue and help you maintain wisdom, calm thinking, and effective solutions. No matter what method or approach is used, the ability to "attack when advancing and defend when retreating" is great wisdom.

I highly recommend the movie Firefighters. It's about how the male protagonist saved his marriage, and it's very inspiring.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you, and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, questioner.

As the mother of two young children, I can imagine how challenging it is for you. It's a difficult situation, but you've become a mother of two, and it's a joy to think about it. Of course, if it weren't for the difficulties you're facing with your husband, I think you'd be feeling quite exhausted but happy right now.

If I might humbly offer my perspective, I believe that at this critical moment, which you mentioned was four months ago, I discovered a change in my husband. It can truly be said that it is when you need it most that this happens, but because of this matter, it blocks your heart. These days are undoubtedly difficult. I empathize with your pain, helplessness, grievances, and helplessness. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

From reading your explanations and feedback, I understand that you are a rational person. You have the ability to engage in a constructive dialogue with your husband using reasoned arguments and evidence. You can present him with a well-reasoned argument, choose an appropriate time to talk to him, consider multiple ways to solve the problem, and think about the potential consequences of your actions. In short, I believe you are a rational and wise person, and I admire your approach.

The father of your two children does indeed affect your happiness and that of your children, so it would be wise to handle the situation properly. I don't think it's something we can just decide to do ourselves. While we can leave him, we really can't guarantee that it will make the children particularly happy. Of course, this is not absolute. If your husband has made a series of mistakes, then it is certain that they will not be happy together.

I'm not sure if I'm understanding you correctly, but it seems like you're saying that your husband is not like that anymore. How did you come to realize that?

Could this series of situations with my husband be another case of mental projection? It might also be helpful to consider that we are now in a vulnerable period, given that we have less contact with society. In the past six months, due to pregnancy and having a baby, our emotions and interactions may have been affected, which could make interactions with the father of the child much simpler than before.

We all have our own challenges, and I imagine your husband is facing his own set of difficulties. With two children, there are undoubtedly many adjustments to be made, and it's only natural that we experience a range of emotions along the way.

I believe that at this stage, there are a number of potential courses of action open to you and your husband, including the two options you mentioned later. In fact, we can be a little more daring. When you have planned everything, if you find that your husband is going further and further away from you, and when you have collected enough evidence to support it, you can consider ending the relationship as you planned and leave.

I don't think we should be too afraid of this outcome. If she is a good father to the children, he should know what to do. If he is determined to leave and doesn't want to make things easier, then I don't think you will be happy no matter what you do. In this case, what you said before about being able to live independently will come in handy. In that case, you will definitely be happier with the children than staying together against your will.

I believe that after going through all these processes, you will be greatly assured of this, so I think you should consider boldly carrying out your plan next. We should try not to let ourselves down, as only by not letting ourselves down can we feel more at peace inside, see the goal ahead, know how to do it, and not cry alone at night. If you have emotions, you might want to consider letting them out, rather than keeping them bottled up.

It might be helpful to write it out, talk about it, and then let it out. You might find that you can then go ahead with the plan. I believe that you, with all your abilities, will definitely be able to solve all this with your own wisdom.

I wish you and your little ones happiness. I hope the world can show you some love too!

Insightful, start sharing! I am a loner.

I believe that between the opposite sexes, so-called platonic friendships, or blue-eyed friends, are basically non-existent.

Boundary-less chit-chat between the opposite sex is an indulgent act of self-love and a cover-up for dissatisfaction with the marriage, from the perspective of both the man and the woman.

Some people are under the impression that as long as the two of you haven't slept together, it's not considered cheating. They brush off all the flirting as just friendly banter and crown themselves with the laurels of "sincere friendship."

They know exactly what they're doing, why they're doing it, and what the end result will be.

People will ask, "If you know this is wrong, why do you do it without hesitation?" The answer is simple. The first person to eat a crab doesn't think they'll die. Similarly, when doing this, they have a fluke mentality. There are so many people doing this, why would something happen to me?

Furthermore, when the other party lacks substantial evidence, they will argue their case with a demeanor that suggests they are in a quandary and will never admit defeat. People like this are all the same: cheap!

Today, I'm going to talk about a few personal views in the hope of enlightening the questioner.

1. I cannot accept the fact that you like to chat with other women. You have the right to choose how to do it, but I'm making my attitude clear to you.

The questioner said that when they bring up this issue, it takes timing and a lot of courage. I can tell you're reluctant to do so, but you always hold back for fear that he'll be upset or even argue with you when you bring it up.

Let me be clear: the more you feel this way, the more he will take advantage of you. I believe it is very likely that you feel this way because you stay at home with the children, don't work, and don't have enough financial ability to support the family.

A man who can go out and earn money to support his family should be most grateful for the silent dedication of his wife behind him. Without the dedication of a woman behind him, where would he get the freedom to go out and earn money? Give him the kids to look after, and I guarantee it won't take him more than two hours before he surrenders.

(Two hours is an overestimation of his contribution.) In this family, the husband and wife should not use the single concept of economics to determine whose contribution is greater, whether it's this matter or anything else. You don't need to feel the slightest sense of inferiority about this issue. As a man, he should let you and the children live a good life. This is his duty. It's also your family boundary, and he should understand that. If he doesn't understand, you need to explain it to him clearly.

2. Don't get so busy in your busy parenting life that you lose yourself. Children are not just your own, and just because you go to work doesn't mean you don't need to look after them. Every parent has a responsibility to raise their children. Learn to make time for yourself.

Our traditional concepts are flawed. In our country, maternal thinking still dominates child-rearing. From the day a child is born, it is believed that the mother should raise the child. This is a ridiculous rule.

This is ridiculous! You're still using this kind of theory to morally blackmail people? Look at the men who cheat on their wives today. Which one of them helps their wives at home and takes the initiative to raise the children? They have the leisure to engage in extramarital affairs. One word: idle, two words: too idle!

They have this excessive freedom precisely because they can harbor evil thoughts. It's even more ridiculous when people are accused of cheating and justify it by saying they're forced to do so by life. They claim it's the woman who has a child and ignores the maintenance of the marital relationship.

I want to know how much time a wife has to take care of your "spoiled child" when she's also taking care of the children. You haven't grown up and don't take the initiative to be a father. Instead, you blame others for your mistakes.

A woman should never lose herself in her busyness, no matter how busy she is. She must always leave enough time for herself. If you love yourself, you can love others better!

I'll leave you with a few words:

Healthy love is the only kind that counts.

Boundaries are essential.

Love without boundaries is indiscriminate love.

Indiscriminate love always leads to mutual harm.

Finally, you will

Step into the love and hate.

Have courage and resourcefulness.

In the midst of the world's troubles,

Without fear or trepidation.

As a mother of two, I empathize with you regarding your husband's infidelity. You have discussed the issue with him, but he has not made significant changes, which has caused you distress.

You have proposed a few potential solutions to the problem, including making him stop, gathering evidence of his wrongdoing, and making him realize the harm he has caused you. These solutions have merit if they can effectively address the problem.

However, given your current circumstances, you have expressed a need for his love.

Perhaps the most pressing issue we need to address is how to elicit his love. As a mother, especially one with two children, the dedication and hard work you have shown are truly admirable.

I have also been a mother and have raised children. At this time, it would be beneficial for us to receive the support and understanding of our husbands.

From what I can gather from your husband's behaviour, although I'm sure he has the best of intentions, it seems that his support for you is perhaps not as forthcoming as it could be. It's possible that he has the energy to pursue other relationships, but perhaps not the time or energy to take care of the baby and you.

I believe there is definitely a sense of responsibility, but it may depend on whether he is willing to take on more of a role.

I'm not sure how your family structure works, but I do believe that for a child's healthy development, it's important for both parents to be involved.

While it may be challenging to allow the father to participate more in raising the child, it is important to consider that he will have the opportunity to witness the baby's growth directly, as he contributes more during this period. This could potentially foster a stronger sense of responsibility for the baby and the family, as he is more invested in their well-being.

As he becomes more involved in the family, it is likely that he will also show greater recognition and care for you as the main family member.

From the perspective of childcare, it's understandable that mothers often end up devoting more time to their children than fathers. It's possible that you've focused more on the baby.

It is possible that your father may feel that some of his psychological needs have not been met. Many men are prone to become involved in extramarital affairs or similar behaviour when the mother is caring for the baby. From a moral perspective, such actions are undoubtedly wrong. However, from a psychological perspective, it is possible that some people may not necessarily want to act in a certain way, but due to some unspoken psychological needs of men, they may act in a way that is detrimental to the marriage.

Due to the tolerance of society, I find it challenging to accept men who hold double standards for men and women. If a man engages in gossip, he may be admonished for being unfaithful, but if a woman does the same, she may face significant social consequences. This dynamic creates an environment where men can make mistakes with relatively minimal consequences.

As women, we may feel frustrated by this reality, but it's not easy to change it right now. How can we encourage our husbands to pay more attention to us in terms of our question?

Firstly, it would be helpful to take some time to reflect on your situation. It might be beneficial to consider what you need from him at this time.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the different forms of support that you require. This could be financial support, practical help, or care in daily life. Or it could be more emotional comfort.

It's important to recognize that these levels of need are different.

Financial support is a practical problem, and a very real one at that. If you are able to become financially independent, you may find you have more options open to you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider providing him with some additional comfort and letting him know how his actions have affected you. It might also be beneficial to think about how his actions have impacted you and what the potential consequences could be.

If he cares about you, he may begin to feel guilty and treat you better.

If he doesn't believe he's done anything wrong, he may not take responsibility for the harm he's caused you.

As an adult, he is aware of the harm his actions have caused you. However, from your conversations with him, it seems that he may not fully realize the depth of the harm he has caused you. It is therefore important to focus on taking care of yourself at this time.

He says he's not wrong in the big picture, and you can also discuss the big picture with him first. If the big picture is correct, it would be helpful to understand what he perceives as right. It would also be beneficial to understand how much support is there for the family.

It would be helpful to understand how much care is provided for the child. Perhaps you could talk to him about these issues as calmly as possible.

It is not uncommon for men who are aware that they have done something wrong to be reluctant to admit it. This is where our wisdom can be of assistance.

Given that your baby is only two months old and you are still breastfeeding, it is important to remember that your body is the most important thing at this time.

It would be beneficial to take care of your body as much as possible and to try to get through the breastfeeding period as smoothly as you can. Once you are able to free yourself from the more trivial matters of caring for a small baby, you may find that your options become wider and more varied.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Dear Question Asker, My name is Jiang 61.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for allowing us to assist you with your situation. You have informed us that you have discovered chat records and gifts which indicate that your husband has been unfaithful.

Your husband has admitted his actions, but he has not expressed remorse and has even exacerbated the situation. You are now experiencing significant distress and uncertainty about the future of your marriage. From your description, I can empathize with your feelings of helplessness and concern. I am here to provide support and guidance as we navigate this challenging situation.

Let us examine together the root of the problem.

1. Family Composition

1. Family Composition

You stated that you have been married for four years and that you currently have two children. The eldest is two years old, and the youngest is two months old.

From your account, it is evident that your family unit typically comprises you, your husband, and two children, with no elderly assistance or au pair support. You have not mentioned engaging in any paid employment, leading me to assume that you are the primary caregiver for your children.

It is evident that you are experiencing significant challenges in managing the household and raising your children. I empathize with your situation.

2. Division of Labor in the Family

You stated that your husband claims to be the primary caregiver for the family, yet his actions do not align with this assertion. Following the birth of your second child, he resumed his routine of going to work and engaging in sports activities as usual.

The majority of household responsibilities fall on your shoulders, despite your husband's assertion that he also contributes. However, according to your account, after the birth of the second child, he resumed his usual work routine, engaged in leisure activities, and did not visit as frequently. He stated that he had assumed greater family responsibilities when the first child was born.

3. Interaction Pattern

In your account, you did not mention the pattern of interactions between you and your husband. Most conflicts in a family arise from the pattern of interactions between family members, including the words used by both parties, the practices followed in the home, the level of intimacy and care shown to each other, and the agreement or disagreement on ideas. All of these constitute the process of mutual adjustment and tolerance between family members, from getting to know each other to being companions.

It is possible that Mr. Cheating's actions are related to the fact that your interaction patterns have not reached a harmonious level. He has also displayed some signs of mental detachment and behavior. However, I am not certain of the accuracy of this assessment.

2. Handling the Infidelity In the event of infidelity, it is essential to respond in a manner that is both decisive and constructive.

1. Discovery

You stated that four months ago, you discovered your husband was engaging in frequent, ambiguous conversations with an unidentified individual, which posed a significant challenge to your relationship.

When you observe your husband engaging in frequent, ambiguous conversations with a female contact, it becomes evident that he has already engaged in a form of mental infidelity. You have indicated that this has resulted in a significant challenge to your relationship.

This presents a challenge in how to proceed with addressing the infidelity and maintaining a positive relationship moving forward.

2. Resolution

At the initial discussion of this matter, he openly acknowledged his awareness of the issue and the difficulty in identifying a solution that would satisfy all parties. I proposed the option of allowing the relationship to gradually diminish in a manner similar to that of an ordinary friendship, which he deemed a viable course of action.

Second conversation: He stated that their relationship is insincere and that they merely offer each other superficial praise.

During the third conversation, he expressed hope for a more objective approach to addressing their issues. He also highlighted his contributions to the family and affirmed the suitability of the general direction and principles.

It appears that he is attempting to combine the two approaches.

You have engaged in three discussions with him. Initially, he was aware of the issue, but the statement "It's challenging to identify a solution that satisfies all three parties" likely originated from your husband. You agreed to his proposal of "We can simply fade away like ordinary friends," and he confirmed this as a viable course of action.

The crux of the issue is as follows:

It is possible that the root of the problem is that you have acquiesced to your husband's idea of "a way to make things comfortable for all three of us." In fact, this is when you should be defending the sovereignty of your family, but you have given up. You have allowed the approach of "it can slowly fade away like ordinary friends."

You provide your husband with a rationale for his subsequent actions.

Mental and physical infidelity

From the results of your second conversation with him, it appears that he views the relationship as insincere. While he may not be invested in the relationship, he is reluctant to end it.

On the third occasion, he requested that you adopt an objective perspective on the issues at hand. He also highlighted his contributions to the family and asserted that there were no inherent issues with the overall direction and principles.

Please clarify whether these statements are his or your own. It seems they are his.

He has identified a rationale for his infidelity.

In regard to your husband's infidelity, your own account suggests a progression from acquiescence to confrontation to helplessness. In contrast, his response has been to shift from guilt to rationalization, viewing the situation as unremarkable.

This is how the issues have progressed in a step-by-step manner.

3. Please describe your emotional state.

I must identify an appropriate time and muster the courage to broach the subject. I am aware that he is attempting to evade the matter.

I would like him to be aware of the harm his behavior has caused me, including the numerous occasions I have spent alone, crying, attempting to calm myself and care for our two children.

He appears to be motivated by a desire to receive admiration from the other woman and to have me assume responsibility for the family's affairs.

There is a lack of clear boundaries in this relationship.

From your statement, "Every time I want to bring this up, I need to identify an opportune moment and muster the courage to do so. I am aware that he is attempting to avoid the matter,"

"From this statement, we can see that you are a very understanding person, calm in the face of adversity, and not someone who makes a fuss. At the same time, we can also see your weakness and lack of a bottom line.

You have indicated that you desire for him to be aware of the challenges you face in your role as a parent, to appreciate the difficulties you encounter in raising your children, and to recognize the significance of the family unit. You frequently experience distress that you are unable to express, and you tend to withdraw and grieve privately. You are expected to maintain a facade of stability and provide your children with optimal care.

You have expressed significant difficulty in response to his assertion regarding family responsibilities. It is evident that he lacks comprehension of your sentiments.

As you have indicated, he is motivated by greed. He is reluctant to lose the family, but also desires external admiration and wants to pacify you while allowing you to continue managing the family.

There appears to be a discrepancy in your relationship.

I observed that you used the word "admire" in this context. You have identified a discrepancy in your intimate relationship.

This indicates a lack of appreciation from your partner, which may be a reflection of a lack of love expressed in your interactions.

4. Results

I discovered that he has concealed numerous items, including a box of oranges he gave her last year, a Christmas gift, and coffee he purchased for her two days ago (costing over 400 yuan).

Furthermore, he has concealed his whereabouts on numerous occasions, including when he has gone to the movies with friends or had a late-night snack. He has done so because he was aware that I would disapprove.

Furthermore, there is evidence that the subject in question still likes to pat girls' feet and then delete the images afterwards. However, these images can still be found in the recent deletions on the iPad.

The findings are available for your review.

Given this information, I believe he is being untruthful and that the more inappropriate his actions become, the more I am inclined to view him negatively. However, I am in need of his affection.

As you have indicated, there are significant issues with the way you interact with others.

The subject has been observed providing gifts to female acquaintances, accompanying them on shopping trips, and engaging in the practice of patting their feet.

These are all items that were identified through the investigative process, rather than items that were disclosed by the subject.

He is unable to provide a straightforward explanation.

You have uncovered a great deal about his behaviour, including his tendency to be secretive. This further corroborates the conclusion that there is a lack of mutual trust and transparency between you, which has led to issues such as suspicion and misunderstanding.

Furthermore, he has reservations.

You have indicated that he attends the movies and has late-night snacks with friends, but states that he is working overtime, concerned that you may take issue with his behavior. This suggests that you have expressed dissatisfaction with his level of care for the family on more than one occasion.

Therefore, he is concerned that you will discover the truth and continue to express dissatisfaction. He is reluctant to hear this.

Additionally, this demonstrates his regard for you.

His extravagant wishes

From the aforementioned feelings and practical results, it can be surmised that his primary desire is to find a partner who can provide domestic stability, emotional warmth, and a sense of openness. Additionally, he seeks a partner who respects and admires him.

These may appear to be excessive demands, but they reflect his genuine desire for love and affection. If he is unable to find it within the relationship, he may seek it elsewhere.

3. How to handle the intimacy between you

Please provide your thoughts on the matter.

Firstly, in light of recent events, namely the coffee he sent to the other woman, it is imperative that he cease and desist. His actions have already undermined my trust in him.

However, this may also prompt him to conceal his actions even more.

Secondly, I will gather further evidence of his infidelity and present it all at once, forcing him to confront the truth. This will undoubtedly cause him distress, prompting him to seek resolution.

I am unsure if this is indicative of a victim mentality. Furthermore, I am uncertain as to the potential consequences of this approach.

I believe the first method is to adhere to your initial position. It is important to ensure that your perspective is clearly communicated to him. Marriage is based on mutual trust, and it is essential that you and your partner operate jointly. It is also crucial to inform him of the potential consequences of his actions.

The second option is not a solution to the fundamental problem between you. It is acceptable to collect evidence and prepare for the worst-case scenario.

When you are uncertain about his intentions, you may attempt to gather evidence, terminate the relationship, and remove yourself from the situation. This approach can be perceived as victim-centric. Given the unsuccessful outcome of the test, it is crucial to determine the next steps. From a strategic standpoint, this course of action may not be the most prudent.

I would like to discuss my thoughts on the matter.

1. Provide clarification regarding your own thoughts on the matter.

Please provide your honest assessment of the relationship between the two parties.

Please provide your honest assessment of the situation.

What issues can be resolved through effective communication?

What is the desired outcome?

Please clarify your desired outcome.

2. Identify the underlying cause of the infidelity.

It is only when the source of the problem is identified that an appropriate solution can be implemented. As previously outlined in my analysis

Previously, your approach was not as assertive as it could have been, and your expectations were not as clearly defined, which allowed for some flexibility in his subsequent actions.

In an intimate relationship, it is essential to demonstrate respect and admiration. However, this has not been adequately demonstrated in this case.

In your family interactions, there is a lack of transparency and candour. This is due to a lack of trust and suspicion, which has led to a reluctance to provide clear and honest communication.

...

3. Identify a solution for each issue.

Outline the consequences of his persistent infidelity and inform him of your decision.

It is important to build a good, intimate relationship with your partner and to demonstrate your love, care, respect, and support.

The five languages of love concept is a valuable tool for effective management of marital, family, and parent-child relationships.

The five languages of love are as follows:

1. Provide frequent positive reinforcement through verbal praise.

2. Demonstrate moments of tenderness.

3. Receiving gifts.

4. Acts of service.

5. Physical contact.

From the aforementioned analysis, it can be concluded that Mr. requires at least the language of affirmation to provide him with a sense of achievement and self-confidence. In general, physical contact can enhance intimacy and is essential within the family unit.

Next, determine what else he requires that is not being fulfilled. If you and your spouse frequently utilize the five languages of love in your interactions, your marriage will remain vibrant and enduring.

4. Engage in serious and effective communication.

Effective communication is the accurate and appropriate expression of thoughts through listening, speaking, reading, writing, and other media, as well as through speeches, meetings, conversations, discussions, letters, and other means, in order to promote acceptance by the other party.

It is important to achieve a mutual understanding of your state of mind. To this end, it is essential to learn to communicate with your husband in an effective way. Effective communication includes:

1. Discuss the relevant facts.

2. Discuss your thoughts.

3) Discuss emotions.

4) Make requests

When communicating, present only the facts pertinent to the issue at hand. Leave unrelated matters for subsequent discussion. After that, provide a frank account of your thoughts and feelings regarding the matter.

In conclusion, it is important to state your needs. I believe that as long as communication is based on mutual respect, the outcome will be positive for both parties.

It is important to note a few key points regarding effective communication:

First, express your feelings clearly, not your emotions. This means expressing your feelings of anger and sadness, not the emotions you feel when you are angry or sad. Avoid venting.

Secondly, it is important to clearly express your needs and expectations, rather than simply stating what you do not want or making complaints. This allows the other person to understand your requirements more effectively.

Some people liken marriage to a magnificent ball. If both parties are well-versed in the art of dance, the result is a beautiful waltz. However, if one or both partners lack the requisite skills, the dance becomes a source of discord.

To achieve proficiency in the art of dancing the waltz, one must be dedicated and practice regularly.

The inquirer instills confidence in himself.

Have a pleasant day!