My husband is only focused on work, gaming, and sexual life in his daily life. What should I do if I'm fed up?

Greetings,

From your description, it is evident that you are discontented with your current circumstances. Your husband's primary interests appear to be gaming and sexual activity, which has caused you significant distress. Have you experienced the joy and fulfillment that is often associated with a happy marriage? I empathize with your situation.

It would be beneficial to consider whether your husband exhibited these characteristics prior to your marriage, when you were in a state of romantic infatuation. It would also be advantageous to identify the positive attributes that initially attracted you to him and led you to choose him as a life partner and father to your children.

The husband in question exhibits a lack of care and understanding for his wife and children, as well as a deficiency in companionship. However, these two factors represent the two sources of happiness for him at the present moment. It would be beneficial to attempt to comprehend his perspective. One approach could be to engage in a brief discussion with him after a satisfying sexual encounter, allowing him an opportunity to express his thoughts.

It is advisable to discuss one's feelings in greater depth than one's grievances. It would be beneficial to articulate one's requests in a clear and concise manner. For instance, one might say, "My child and I require your company. I derive immense joy from our outings on weekends. Would you be so kind as to spare two days a month to spend more time with my child and me?"

Such communication should be conducted in the aforementioned manner.

He will perceive that you are genuinely interested in modifying the status quo. It would be advisable to begin by making changes to your own behaviour. It would be beneficial to spend more time pursuing activities that enrich your life. While your partner is engaged in gaming, you could engage in reading, exercise, study, flower arranging, or dance.

A singular focus results in a dispersion of attention.

He will observe your changes, cease his complaints, and perhaps even undergo a transformation of his own as a result of witnessing your efforts.

It is my sincere hope that you will find happiness.

Good morning, my name is Hai Ling, and I am a listener on the Yixinli platform.

From your question, I can discern your current mood and state of mind. I am unaware of your specific circumstances, whether you are a working woman or a full-time wife, but either way, the situation is undoubtedly challenging.

Working mothers must balance work and family responsibilities. For full-time mothers, this can be particularly challenging. The daily demands of housework and the lack of social interaction can contribute to feelings of anxiety and helplessness.

It is likely that you would appreciate your husband acknowledging the effort you invest in your role and demonstrating greater care and affection, as well as interacting with you more.

We can implement the following adjustments and changes:

First, communicate your needs to your husband.

For couples, effective communication and expressing one's needs in an appropriate manner can facilitate mutual understanding and perception of the other's inner feelings. One can communicate one's feelings to one's loved one, for example: "Dear, I am aware that you work hard every day and that you also hope to have some time to relax on your own. I am in a similar situation. There are many tasks at home every day, and I would appreciate it if you could chat with me after work or assist me with some simple tasks.

I would appreciate it if you could demonstrate more care.

It is important to be assertive and communicate your needs effectively to establish a good working relationship with your husband.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to cultivate some of your common interests, or alternatively, to explore your partner's hobbies in order to ascertain whether there is any interest on your part.

Having common interests facilitates emotional communication and encourages interaction. It is therefore advisable to pursue shared interests, particularly if this involves getting to know your partner's interests.

Third, encourage your colleague to contribute to family responsibilities in a way that aligns with their capabilities.

After a full day at work, your spouse will likely be fatigued. You may wish to request assistance with tasks that align with their abilities, such as playing with the children, clearing the table and chairs after dinner, and washing the dishes.

Assisting with simple household tasks, such as hanging laundry, can gradually involve your spouse in family matters, provide them with a better understanding of your efforts, and foster a sense of collaboration and shared purpose.

In general, if there are issues to be resolved, it is advisable to communicate more with your partner. Furthermore, it is beneficial to encourage your partner to share household responsibilities in a fair manner, which can help to reduce stress and foster a sense of warmth within the relationship.

Furthermore, this will foster a greater understanding between you.

I hope your relationship with your family will continue to improve. Best regards, [Your name]

Dear Questioner,

My name is Yi Ming, and I am a heart exploration coach.

In consideration of your query, I reflected on the prevalence of sentiments and perspectives akin to yours among individuals who have entered into matrimony.

In consideration of your query, it became evident that a considerable number of individuals, upon entering into matrimony, exhibit sentiments and perspectives that are analogous to yours.

There is a pervasive sense of disappointment and helplessness, accompanied by a perception of limited agency to effect change. I have reached a point of saturation.

I would be pleased to share with you the knowledge I have accrued, although I am aware that it may not be the solution you are seeking.

It is my intention to proffer a perspective that differs from those previously espoused.

1. Should we persist in our complaints or pursue a course of change?

There are numerous justifications for expressing discontent with one's spouse.

I am also pleased to have the opportunity to discuss these issues with you.

If it would provide a degree of solace, I am prepared to do so and offer a perspective that may be agreeable to you.

In many cases, men who have recently entered into matrimony exhibit behaviors that align with the characteristics you have described.

As a hostess, one is frequently preoccupied with mundane concerns such as grocery shopping and travel arrangements, and is seldom acknowledged for these efforts.

It is inevitable that such a situation will engender feelings of discomfort.

One might inquire whether such a possibility has ever been contemplated.

If one maintains the perception of oneself as a victim and attributes one's unhappiness to one's husband, one may experience a gradual increase in unhappiness and fatigue.

Indeed, should one endeavor to alter one's mode of expression and shift one's perspective, a transformation in one's circumstances is likely to ensue.

The reality is that change is not as difficult as we often assume.

Are you prepared to effect a change?

2. Relationships are a function of interactions.

It is often asserted that a good husband is one who is nurtured by his wife.

Do you adhere to this belief?

If one's husband consistently exhibits such behavior, is it realistic to expect a fundamental transformation in his character?

One might reasonably inquire as to the potential benefits of such an approach.

It is not uncommon for individuals to offer gifts while simultaneously expressing discontent.

This has resulted in the current pattern of interaction between the two of you.

It is not necessary to hasten the process of changing one's husband; rather, one should begin by implementing minor alterations in one's own behavior.

I recommend the book Love Needs to be Learned.

In my estimation, the book is eminently practical.

On occasion, it may be beneficial to alter the manner in which one expresses oneself or implement minor modifications.

As an illustration, going forward, rather than concentrating on the shortcomings of one's spouse, it would be more constructive to acknowledge the positive contributions of one's partner. For instance, one might say, "Due to my partner's financial support, I am able to (eat well, have peace of mind, and stay at home to care for our children)."

"Thanks to my partner (who is willing to perform the requested task), I am able to (take care of the children, spend time in nature, etc.)."

This signifies gratitude for the contributions of one's partner.

The concept of positive symmetry posits that each partner in a relationship inspires the other with positive words and actions.

A positive intimate relationship is characterized by mutual recognition. This positive relationship message will be mutually stimulated, thus forming a virtuous cycle.

This is not about attempting to please one's husband; rather, it is about establishing a constructive and mutually beneficial communication pattern.

3. Prioritize the positive aspects and cultivate an idealized image of one's husband.

If one's focus is solely on one's own contributions and efforts, it becomes more challenging to recognize the contributions of one's partner.

It is evident that there is a longing for praise and recognition from one's husband. However, it is equally important to consider whether such recognition is being reciprocated.

The pattern of engaging in mutual criticism is a relatively simple one to adopt, and it is therefore important to consider whether this contributes to a state of mutual unhappiness.

He "mocks me for saying that I'm the one without interest," and you feel that "he doesn't understand me either." Have you attempted to communicate in a positive manner?

Furthermore, marriage can be conceptualized as a form of cooperation.

Furthermore, negotiation can be conducted with passion.

It would be advisable to communicate in a manner that is effective for you, while avoiding criticism or accusation.

For example, one might suggest that the husband plan a trip for the weekend, with the understanding that there will be a surprise in store for him upon his return.

It is important to express one's needs in different ways and to attempt to meet one's spouse's needs as well.

Additionally, one may choose to purchase personal items such as clothing and cosmetics as a means of demonstrating self-care and self-love.

If he asserts that you spend a considerable amount of money, we do not perceive this as a personal attack. Instead, we view it as an opportunity to illustrate that financial considerations represent only one aspect of managing a household.

It would be beneficial for him to be able to see your dedication.

Raising children is a full-time occupation in and of itself.

A plethora of topics are available for discussion.

For the time being, let us disseminate these concepts.

It is imperative that one actively explore and practice this concept independently.

I wish you the utmost success!

Hello. I'm Shushu. I'm honored to meet you on Yixinli.

You seem worried. Let's talk.

You say you're unhappy in your marriage but like your husband's ideas. Is this really what you want? You want a more exciting life.

You think your husband cheated on you.

Why did you get married? What made you decide?

Tell me about how you met and your relationship. Do you love your husband?

Did you think you could fall in love after getting married? Did you think you could live your life the way you wanted?

Marriage requires two people to interact. You realize you are only one of them and not strong enough.

Your husband may have married for the wrong reasons. You want more than that. You didn't think about it enough before getting married.

Your marriage isn't perfect, but you can't let that bother you. It's your life, so you have to decide what you want.

Your husband seems practical, and this may be what he wants. Is this what you want? Think carefully.

Are you realistic? You're not willing to give up. This makes you feel uneasy.

It's not hard to end a relationship, but after it ends, you might not get what you want. If you haven't settled down inside, changes in the outside world won't matter. The life you now live is the one you once chose.

Be brave and face the real you. Accept your choices with an open heart. You will make the right choice for yourself and slowly come out of your pain. I believe in you.

Hello, dear. I understand your emotions. As a housewife, you work hard at home all day long, and you must care more about your husband's performance after he comes home. You want to talk to him and hope that he can take on more household chores, etc.!

I'd love to chat with you about a few things.

First of all, I'd love to know how you two met! From what you've told me, your partner seems a little indifferent to life in general. Maybe you got married to please your parents?

I'd love to know what attracted you to him when you first met!

I just wanted to check in and see if these conditions that attracted you to each other are still there.

Secondly, he earns the money to support the family, and you made the choice to stay at home full-time. I just wanted to check if there's been any clear statement regarding the contribution of the homemaker?

It's so interesting how people think! In most people's minds, a full-time housewife means that you are in charge of everything in the family. It's so obvious that your other half belongs to the majority.

Once more, you're mentioning how indifferent your partner is to everyday matters. It's true that every married couple has a different dynamic.

Some people are suited to giving orders, and some are suited to carrying them out. I think it's great if you make decisions and he doesn't object!

If you both make decisions, it might be even more challenging because it's hard to find a balance where you both feel heard.

I'd also love to hear if you enjoyed your days before you were a housewife. If you did, I'm sure making a few changes, like going back to work or meeting new people, would make you feel great!

You're in a great spot when it comes to material conditions. When it comes to your relationship, it's a two-way street. Both partners need to make changes, and the one who makes the change first is the one who is already feeling the pain.

I really hope this helps!

Hello!

I saw your question and understood your depression, powerlessness, and struggle in this marriage. As a woman, I empathize with you. We've all experienced trivial matters in adulthood.

Let me help you organize your thoughts:

1) Your husband's current problems:

1. Family responsibilities:

He seems unfaithful. He married and had kids because of pressure from his parents. He doesn't care who he's with or about family.

He doesn't care about anything at home. He just gives money. You are in charge of everything. He doesn't care about the little things. He blames you for spending too much money. He also tells you to be content. You don't have to worry about food and clothing. You are living in the house his parents bought.

He doesn't pay attention to the kids and thinks it's fine to let them watch TV at home. You plan all the outings.

2. Husband-wife relationship:

The couple's life is also very unharmonious. They mock you for being uninteresting and accuse you of being boring.

He demands your cooperation sexually and is disrespectful if you refuse.

A marriage without a partner is exhausting.

All he cares about is work, games, and sex. He doesn't respect or understand me.

2) Your current state of mind:

1. You have to take care of the household, raise the children, and put up with your husband's unreasonable demands. You are tired.

2. You're tired and have been insulted and ridiculed in your marriage. You haven't been respected or cared for by your husband.

3. You are angry, helpless, and tired. You have had enough.

After analyzing all this, I wonder if many women can find a bit of themselves in these descriptions. I am one of them. I am experiencing all this just like the original poster, except that you are better off than me in that your husband is willing to give you money to spend, so you don't have to worry about money. Raising a child costs money, and this problem is not too serious. The more serious problem between you is the relationship between husband and wife.

3) What can I do to fix this?

1. Try to change your husband. Tell him your demands, how hard you work, and that you don't like the situation. Lack of communication is the main problem. Sit down and talk about the future. You can't keep going on like this.

2. Either ignore him or change yourself. At least change your mentality. Strengthen yourself and stop being financially dependent on him. Your children will grow up and you can work. You don't have to do the household chores. The home is not yours alone. Don't stay at home all the time.

3. If you can't change the situation or him, and you don't want to put up with it, just split up. You'll be free. Just make arrangements for the children. It depends on your situation.

No matter what, put yourself first, love yourself, take care of yourself, and don't be too tired. There is a limit to how much people can endure. Relax, look farther ahead, and plan how to go down the road from here. It will get better.

I love you, world!

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I read the post and it seems the poster feels the other person doesn't love her.

The poster also showed courage in sharing his feelings and seeking help. This will help him understand himself and his husband better.

So, adjust yourself and be better.

Next, I will share my thoughts from the post.

1. Men and women think differently.

Men and women think differently. We can discuss this in the post.

Your interest may be about rituals, gifts, and dates. Men may understand it as sex.

Women like men to help them understand themselves.

This makes ladies happy and loved. Many ladies think this way: I don't say what I need or like, but you need to know. If you don't know, it means you don't love me.

They may sulk. Men often feel you don't understand.

As the original poster said, he doesn't care about household matters, but he often does what you ask. This is true for most men.

Men like it when women are clear. Keep it simple.

Many men work fast at work, reading people and situations and using all their energy.

When they get home, they're tired. They just want to relax. That's why there's a joke about a wife telling her husband to wash the dishes, where she understands by that that he should also clean the kitchen afterwards.

Men know washing dishes means washing dishes.

2. Be clear about what you need.

Women can accept that men like simplicity. When they need their husbands to do something, they should clearly express their needs and be grateful. Men like to be praised.

A man usually does some housework, but he'd rather his wife sees that he's done it.

Men like to be praised by their wives. One man told his wife, "If you don't praise me, I won't be able to do it."

My wife suddenly understood and praised him. He worked harder.

When expressing our needs, be clear and simple. Appreciate him when he does it well.

If you always criticize him, he'll lose motivation. For example, "I want to see you wash the dishes tonight, honey, so I'll know you love me."

Praise him when he does it. My husband, you look handsome when you wash dishes. Compliment him more often. Some women think it's pointless.

If you cultivate it, you won't enjoy it. There's a point in psychology that whoever suffers changes.

When we change, it affects him.

3. Teach him how to love you.

The original poster said she couldn't feel love. Men and women understand love differently.

Women are more sensitive and emotionally richer than men when it comes to love. This is because of biology.

Women have more neurons connecting their left and right brains than men. Traditionally, men have been taught to be brave and strong, and not to show their emotions.

Men often have trouble expressing their feelings. Many men don't know how to love or express their emotions.

Teach him what kind of love and caresses he likes.

If we don't say it, guys often don't know what girls want. This is unfair to girls and guys. When we express ourselves precisely, most guys still do it.

Thank him after.

4. Gender is worth exploring.

The poster's sex life seems far from ideal. I understand the poster's emotions.

But sex is not just about satisfying physical drives; it also involves openness, sincerity, and honesty. Communication is also needed in sex. This kind of communication can open up both hearts.

Once the heart is open, it's easy to keep it that way. You can listen to yourself and understand yourself better. It's harder to keep a closed heart open.

I hope these tips help. You can also learn about relationships. Click Find a Coach to talk one-on-one. We can help you with your emotions and problems.

You're feeling lots of strong emotions. You're in a tough spot.

Intimacy won't improve overnight. You weren't like this when you were newly married. What was it like back then?

Your husband has good qualities too. What happened to them?

Look back on the past together and find ways to recapture the warmth and happiness of the past.

Your economic status affects your spiritual status. You work full-time and he earns the money. This, along with his selfish and indulgent personality, is the root cause of your current situation.

If this doesn't change, you need to be prepared. Unless you can talk to him and get him to work with you to fix things.

Third, sex is based on love and intimacy. Without love, it's empty talk.

It's a hard physiological need for men and women. Men may have a stronger desire, which has led to the current situation. Fortunately, he isn't having obvious physical infidelities.

Take it slow and focus on improving intimacy. If you handle it well, you might even get his mind and body back.

First, look for ways to change your financial situation. Second, talk to him. Communicate about your relationship. Look back and look forward. You may slowly recover. Best wishes.

A young man (ID: qingnianJIA2020) looking forward to keeping in touch.

Yi Xinli Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community, the World and I Love You