My mother and I had a fight about returning something. I have depression, and my mother yells at me every day.

Hello, questioner! I am honored to see your question. As a student studying psychology, I am in a position to offer you some advice after reading your question.

Your mother bought pants that don't fit and let you wear them, but you know you can't wear this size either. She said some unpleasant things to you, which made you very sad, and it seems that she also felt that saying these things made her very sad.

You can return pants that don't fit, too! Your mother may feel returning things is troublesome, but you can help her out by returning the items and asking the merchant to exchange them for a larger size.

Tell your mother that you have returned things before, so there's no reason why you can't do it now.

Your mother may have deliberately said she couldn't because she finds it too much trouble. Don't take it personally. Sometimes older people are just afraid of trouble. Do it for her, return the goods, and ask the merchant to exchange the size for one that's one size larger.

I have previously sold clothes, so I know you can return items if they don't fit. Don't feel bad or take the blame yourself. Sometimes clothes are a bit small, so there may be some differences. I hope this helps.

Good day. I extend my sincerest regards to you in the form of a 360-degree embrace.

A brief inquiry reveals your concerns, frustration, and feelings of helplessness. I am unsure how to make you feel more at ease. To be frank, I am uncertain as well. Every family faces its own challenges, and many individuals have encountered your situation.

In today's fast-paced world, it can be challenging for individuals with limited education to keep pace with technological advancements. It's not just about having the financial means to keep up, but also about having the capacity to learn and adapt to new concepts.

It is comparable to the difficulty in comprehending quantum mechanics, which is also a challenging concept for some individuals to grasp.

Periodically, instructional videos are made available online, in which children demonstrate to their elderly parents the steps required to use WeChat video calls.

In the case of my parents, I believe the optimal approach is to accept that they will never learn and then minimize the barriers to their use of new technology. If they can operate it themselves, they should be allowed to do so. If they cannot, it is best to make it as simple and straightforward as possible.

My mother is in a similar position. The old TV at home is no longer operational, and the only new TV she can purchase is an Internet TV. However, she lacks the knowledge to operate it.

When she activates the Internet TV, she is presented with a variety of recommendations rather than a traditional TV station. She lacks the knowledge to navigate this platform and access the desired content.

The television station is her well-trodden ground.

I researched various guides online and set the TV to bypass the internet page directly after starting up and go to TV station mode. This is her comfort zone, and she is very proficient at operating it, so she can also catch up on her favorite TV dramas.

As a result, my sister returned to the village with her child during the summer vacation. The child expressed a desire to watch cartoons, so she set the TV to display the internet homepage when it started up. However, upon her departure, she neglected to change it back.

My mother is no longer able to watch television. I have ceased attempting to educate her remotely.

She is unable to watch either television or her mobile phone.

My mother has two phones. One is a basic phone for making calls. When she acquires a new phone, she ensures that the order of the function buttons is consistent with the previous phone.

The other phone is a smartphone, which she uses to play the game "Fight the Landlord" and watch Douyin. She must play the standalone version of "Fight the Landlord" as the online version is not compatible with her device.

TikTok is a straightforward platform: users can simply open it and start swiping. When she was at home, TikTok recommended people nearby, and she probably knew them all.

When she went to the city, she was unable to recognize the individuals she had been recommended to connect with. I registered a TikTok account for her and followed some of her relatives.

On one occasion, for reasons unknown, she logged out of Douyin and was unable to recognize the individuals she had been following. She was unable to resolve the issue.

The village is populated by a significant number of individuals who are of an advanced age, and there is a lack of available assistance. Consequently, she is compelled to observe the situation.

It is evident that they are unable to learn effectively. It is, however, a significant step forward that they have progressed from using a landline to a mobile phone.

Furthermore, they are also striving to expand their knowledge base. My mother, who has never traveled beyond her local area, can now even hail a taxi in the city.

Despite the unusual characters that WeChat often sends and the occasional @ us, my sister is impressed, noting that it has improved significantly. My mother has even @ me, though she is unaware of its purpose.

However, they are unable to keep pace with technological advancement, making it challenging to mandate learning. Our focus should be on providing direct assistance and minimizing the learning burden for them.

Asking them to learn these sophisticated operations is akin to asking a three-year-old to learn high school-level knowledge, which is beyond their current capabilities.

This issue has also attracted the attention of the relevant departments. As a result, mobile apps have been withdrawn from the elderly version. Furthermore, things related to the lives of the elderly, such as buying medicine, groceries, and banking, must accept paper money and the like. This is creating opportunities for the elderly to not be left behind on the information highway.

In your case, if you wish to purchase clothing for your mother, you may do so using your own account. She will then be responsible for receiving the items.

If you wish to withdraw funds, you may do so. This will result in a significant reduction in the time, energy, and emotional costs associated with the process, compared to the alternative of allowing her to complete the transaction independently and then experiencing conflict.

Furthermore, your subsequent remarks regarding your depression are similarly misguided. Just as you are unable to comprehend her inability to learn, she is similarly unable to grasp the nature of your depression.

If you are preoccupied with pressing matters, you have no time to be depressed.

It is evident that there is a fundamental disconnect between you and your mother. The lack of communication and understanding between you makes it unlikely that she will be able to provide the support you require.

You may wish to consider consulting a doctor, a counselor, or a supportive friend, for example.

It is important to recognize that everyone in our lives provides different values. Just as friends cannot provide the value of intimacy, it is not reasonable to expect parents to provide the value of psychotherapy.

You may wish to consider speaking with a counselor. This could be an opportunity to discuss your depression and your relationship with your mother, among other things.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes depressed, occasionally positive and motivated. I extend my utmost respect to the world and its inhabitants.

Hello, landlord. Thanks for your question. From what you've said, it seems like you have a pretty tense relationship with your mother, and you feel more pressure when you're together. You also seem to be suffering from depression. In this kind of environment, it's not easy to recover from depression.

From what you've said, it seems like you're only describing the return of a pair of trousers. Throughout the process, it's clear that he views the return as a rejection of his own self-worth because they were bought by your mother and don't fit you. He can't distinguish between the trousers not fitting and rejecting her self-worth as a mother, which are two completely different things. In any relationship, there will be times when one person feels morally or emotionally blackmailed. You feel like you don't matter to him.

He always feels guilty and ashamed, and it's hard for him to look you in the eye.

The main reason for these situations is that your mother is not confident. As you grow up here, you are in control of more and more events, and it seems to him that your growth is gradually moving further and further away from her, and she is beginning to lose control over you. Therefore, he will become increasingly insecure.

So they'll try to blackmail you morally or emotionally, linking you to every aspect of their lives. They'll make you feel guilty and remorseful, and they'll gain control over your actions and even your thoughts. Parents in this situation are pitiful and infuriating.

He's pinned all his hopes on you. When he realizes you're out of control, he'll lose his sense of worth and self-confidence.

In short, no matter how close the relationship is, everyone needs to set some boundaries. We all need to feel confident and valued, and that comes from having a clear understanding of what we want and where we stand. It's easy to lose sight of these things, and when we do, it can affect not just our own lives but also the lives of those around us.

If it's something I can help with, I can ask a professional to sort out the relationship between you and your mother, help you establish boundaries between each other, and let each of you live and work within your respective boundaries. This will make your relationship closer and your life happier. I'm 1983. The world and I love you!

Dear Question Asker, My name is Jia Ao, and I do not intend to cause any trouble.

I have carefully read the issues and confusion you outlined on the platform. Are you experiencing difficulties in your relationship with your mother? You mentioned that you are dealing with depression. This led to a significant disagreement with your mother regarding the refund from the delivery company. Despite your repeated guidance on how to process the refund online, she remained uncertain. This resulted in a heated argument, during which you both expressed frustration. You also experienced emotional distress due to your perception of your mother's unreasonable behavior. This has led to feelings of internal conflict and discomfort, as well as feelings of being overwhelmed at work. Despite these challenges, your mother continues to express criticism. This has led to feelings of exhaustion and uncertainty about how to proceed.

From my perspective, it is evident that you are experiencing a considerable degree of fatigue. It is likely that you have invested a significant amount of time and energy in providing repeated instruction, yet she continues to demonstrate an inability to learn. It appears that she does not fully recognize or appreciate your current mental state, which leads to continued scolding. It is understandable that you desire a sense of relaxation and ease within your home environment. However, it seems that you are unable to effectively address the immediate issue, let alone communicate with her effectively.

It would be beneficial to have a conversation with her.

1. Effective Communication

It is recommended that you speak with your mother when you are calm and in a communicative frame of mind. You should explain that you do not appreciate being scolded in such a manner. It is clear that you are able to communicate effectively, so it is important to understand why you have resorted to such an extreme method. If you do not learn from this experience, the worst that can happen is that you stop learning. You can also discuss this idea with your father and ask him to take responsibility for this aspect in the future. This will resolve the issue effectively and prevent any further misunderstandings or conflicts.

2. [Analyze the reasons]

It is important to understand the underlying reason for your mother's disapproval. Is it because she feels that you have not yet reached the level she expects of you? In short, you should first analyze the real reason and find out why she is so upset with you.

It is advisable to aim to meet your mother's standards as much as possible. This should result in her becoming calm and paying special attention to your emotions and feelings, which should in turn lead to a reduction in the frequency of her scolding you.

3. [Consider her perspective]

Consider your own shortcomings and whether there are any areas that make your mother particularly unhappy. Attempt to understand your mother's thoughts by putting yourself in her shoes. Reflect on the positive contributions your mother has made. Communicate with your mother in a sincere and constructive manner. Avoidance and conflict are ineffective methods for problem-solving. If possible, address the issue directly. As family members, it is in everyone's best interest to avoid conflict. Your mother is your primary source of support. Even if there are areas for improvement, maintaining open communication, regular contact, and mutual understanding is essential. I encourage you to give it a try. I hope everything is okay. Family psychotherapy may be a beneficial option.

4. [Understanding and tolerance]

In the event of another argument, it is advisable to seek to understand the other person's perspective and engage in reasoned discussion. Direct conflict should be avoided. If necessary, external assistance can be sought, the involvement of a third party such as a father may be beneficial in resolving differences, a family meeting can be held, and the opportunity to inform parents about depression can be considered. It is important to recognise the value of their support and learn to manage personal issues effectively.

I hope this information is helpful. Best regards, [Name]

Hello, I am Fei Yun, a heart coach.

My dear, I hug you with all my heart. You are hurt in your daily interactions with your mother. You have major depression and need your mother's care and attention. She is like a child, always "quarreling over trifles." You are also very aggrieved and upset, with no way to vent, and you become even more depressed.

Let's examine the issue and determine the solution.

1. State your respective emotional needs.

As a child, we all crave unconditional acceptance from our parents. This makes us feel loved, connected, and close to others, and it gives us a greater sense of security and emotional nourishment.

Your mother needs to understand that because of depression, you require more "psychological nourishment" than the average child. She is sure that you both love each other, but she is mistaken. She is unaware of your desires and incapable of satisfying you or of loving and protecting you better.

She is simply interacting with you in her own habitual way. When you don't get what you want from your mother, it can lead to a sense of frustration, even self-denial and self-doubt. You feel like you've never been taken seriously or treated with respect in this family.

This has led to a low self-esteem, making you feel lonely inside and lacking the love and care you deserve.

Your mother's "willfulness" and "capriciousness," as well as her unreasonable and incomprehensible statements, are all manifestations of her inner child. She is first and foremost a person, and only secondarily your mother.

She also has emotional needs, and her relationships reflect her relationship with her parents. When she cries, nagging you to return things, or haggling over the money she spends, she wants to be seen, recognized, and accepted.

These are the very emotional needs that she was unable to obtain from her parents.

2. Strengthen communication and let love flow.

When things are left unsaid, especially among family members, misunderstandings and resentment can fester. People may be unsure of how to express themselves, afraid to do so, or ashamed to do so, and always want the other person to "guess" their "thoughts." This leads to a disconnect where what is said is not what is meant, and words fail to convey the true meaning.

You love your mother. You want to buy her a mobile phone with your saved allowance, and you usually buy groceries for her too. Your mother buys you trousers that don't fit, but it's like "there's a kind of coldness when my mother says I'm cold". This is the most simple kind of love that mothers have for their children, an uncontrollable love.

Your goals are the same: you both want to convey and express love, just in different ways. Sometimes you present it in a way that the other person cannot accept, so there are differences in thinking and communication is not smooth. This needs to change.

Tell your mother how you feel. I've grown up and I know you love and care for me. I don't want you to be too tired, so I can take care of myself. When I need your help, I expect you to give me appropriate help.

Listen to your mother with all your heart. Meet each other's needs within your abilities. Give your mother more companionship and emotional communication in return for more space and freedom.

Read these two books. Cong Fei's From Teacher's "It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love" will help you understand why you were hurt and frustrated by your mother. Once you understand the reasons, you'll have more options.

Zhou Liyuan's "The Power of Self-Healing through Writing" is an excellent resource for learning how to write freely, without censorship. This process of self-expression has a profound impact on self-healing.

The book also teaches us to re-examine our parents from the perspective of a stranger. This is the only way to achieve our own maturity and growth in our relationship with our parents.

During the epidemic, there are Xiaoyang people everywhere. This is bound to make people feel annoyed and anxious. The solution is simple: warm each other and fight the epidemic together.

Home and family are our strongest support, period.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan.

From what the questioner has shared, it seems that she feels her mother is very dominant in the family. It's so sad that she feels dominated by her mother, even if she has depression. It's a difficult situation for her, as she still has to do everything for her mother. It seems that her mother has been irritated by the questioner, and she vents her negative emotions on the questioner. It's so sad that she vents her negative emotions on people close to her and people she trusts.

It's totally understandable that the OP might not understand her mother's behavior. It seems like these actions are related to the OP's upbringing and personality. It's possible that the mother's upbringing taught her that when elders get emotional, they can't easily vent it outside. They might feel like they have to vent their emotions at home.

This is also a common pattern in many Chinese families. When the head of the family has a good relationship with people outside the home, they often share their feelings with their loved ones when they get home.

I think the way the OP's mother treats her is more a result of her upbringing in her original family. When children grow up, they are influenced by their original family and believe that parents have absolute authority at home, which is totally normal!

Of course, as parents, there are different motives behind controlling their children's behavior. Some are in pursuit of perfection, while others are afraid that their children will repeat the mistakes they made when they were young. These actions may be seen as protection by parents, but in fact, they often cause depression and harm to children.

I just wanted to give you a little pat on the shoulder and some strength. I hope you can understand your mother's motives in dealing with you.

Sometimes, mothers just want to find support in their children. It's not because they don't understand their studies, but because they want to find more support in their loved ones. That's why the mother reacted so strongly when she told the questioner that she didn't know how to operate the phone. She felt frustrated and like she couldn't rely on anyone, so she kept saying things to the questioner.

I can imagine how hard it must be for the OP, who is in depression, to have to endure her mother's rebuke. It's so difficult when you can't explain your situation to your mother.

I'd also like to offer the OP some advice, since the question was asked on this platform:

It's important to be able to identify the mother's controlling behavior.

Sometimes mothers may ask more of their children, but it's not necessarily a sign of controlling behavior. It doesn't mean that she's a controlling personality or a negative parent. A truly controlling parent will control others through specific methods.

Some of these methods are pretty obvious, while others are a bit more subtle. Controlling behavior can take many forms, from overwhelming criticism to veiled threats.

It's totally normal for mothers to want to be in control, but there are ways to show your love and respect that don't involve being controlling. Here are some signs that your mom might be trying to control you:

She might also be quick to criticize you for things that don't matter much, like your appearance, attitude, or the choices you make.

Another way a mother might try to control you is by threatening to harm herself or you. For example, she might say, "If you don't come home right now, I'll kill myself!"

She might try to exploit your sense of guilt to force you to do things you don't want to do. For example, she might say something like, "I was in pain for the whole 18 hours giving birth to you, and now you won't even spend a few hours with me?"

It's also important to be aware of any disrespectful behavior, like casually going through your things or checking your phone messages when you're not around.

It's so important to try to understand the mother's motives towards the questioner.

I'd love to understand why the mother treats the subject like this. Do you think she was treated this way when she was a child? Perhaps she was taught this way by the elders in the family when she was a child?

The way she communicates with her children is a pattern that she developed in her mother's family. It's a pattern that's really close to her heart, and she'll bring it into the family she forms.

She believes that parents should be strong when it comes to disciplining their children.

It's so important to understand your mother's motives. When you understand why she did what she did, it helps you to let go of your emotions, treat her more calmly, and feel more at ease.

So, if the questioner understands her mother's motives, she'll feel that her mother can only continue the pattern given to her by the original family in dealing with her own children. This means that she can't perceive herself. Is there something worthy of sympathy here?

It's time to face the influence your mother has had on you.

I'd love to know what influence the mother had on the questioner. And what triggered the depression of the questioner, the mother?

Elders can be a bit bossy with their kids, right? These views are all the influence that the mother in the original family has brought to the questioner. The questioner can try to list in detail on paper some of the influences that the mother has had on her.

Then, you can try to figure out if these views are right, if they came from your mom, or if they're just your own thoughts. Think about the other women you know and the ones your mom introduced you to. Do these views seem like they're everywhere, or are they just your own ideas?

If it's just your own personal opinion and not the case for all girls, then you can understand that these are the influences that your mother has brought upon you.

It's so important to learn to be honest with yourself.

It's so important to recognize that the influence of the questioner's mother, who is trying to control some of the questioner's behavior, has already shaped the questioner's current personality. So how can the questioner overcome the influence of his or her own family of origin? Should the questioner just let his or her mother influence his or her every word and action?

Or should you face it bravely? This is a big step, but it's so worth it! It requires the questioner to be able to face and be honest with themselves. This will allow the questioner to face their own concerns head-on and prevent the questioner from repeating the mistakes when forming their own nuclear family.

It's totally normal to feel depressed and to have a hard time getting along with your mom. It's okay to feel this way! These feelings and behaviors are influenced by your mom, and it can be tough to face them directly. But you can do it! Write down these influences and think about which parts of yourself are affected by them.

Let's assume your family is normal.

It can be tough to change the way your mom acts and thinks, and it's okay to accept that. You can think of your parents as regular folks and imagine your mom isn't as dominant as she might seem.

Let's imagine for a moment that the original family was normal and the mother was kind and good. What would the questioner be like? It's a great way to think about things! Even though it can't change the original family, it can help the questioner feel more confident. This means that the questioner can meet girls and even face their own fears head-on.

It's so important to remember that our thinking is actually very susceptible to our own influence. The good news is that as long as the questioner constantly gives themselves some positive suggestions and learns how to interact with others as a normal family member, slowly the questioner will also change into the image they want to be. And if you slowly get rid of your mother's influence and act like you are not affected by it, slowly the questioner will really not be affected by their mother.

I really think you should find professional psychological support.

If you feel like you don't know how to communicate with girls because of your mother's influence, you should definitely look into professional psychological support. I highly recommend that you find some psychological counselors or listeners on some psychological platforms and pour out your troubles to these professionals. I truly believe that they can help you get rid of the influence of your mother on you and learn how to face it.

It's so important to have friends you can talk to, isn't it? If you have friends you can confide in, they can really help you feel secure inside again. They can help you grow stronger and gradually escape from your mother's influence.

When you can gradually face the influence that your mother has had on you and be honest with yourself, you can give yourself some rewards and gradually strengthen your inner self. When you long for these rewards, you will slowly be able to break away from the influence of your mother.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!