Hello, question asker! When you see words, it's like meeting someone in person.
I'm so grateful you trusted me and took the time to answer my question. From your thoughtful and detailed description, I can really feel your deep concern for your mother. As her companion, you have worked so hard!
Let's chat about it based on your description and see how we can help your mom feel better.
At the start of your description, you mentioned that your mother has some clear signs of depression. It seems like she might be feeling quite low, and I'm wondering if she's struggling to cope with her emotions. I've suggested that she might benefit from some extra support, but I've been careful not to mention depression directly in case it makes her feel overwhelmed. I'd love to hear a few more details about this:
a. When did you first notice your mom was struggling with some pretty obvious depressive symptoms?
b. How long has your mom been going through this?
c. Could you tell us more about the specific behaviors your mother exhibited in this state?
d. I'd love to know how you specifically persuaded your mother. This helps us understand the communication model used between you and your mother, as well as the starting point of your thinking and her thinking about "treatment."
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really want to help you understand the difference between depression and depressive symptoms. Depression is a psychological state affected by emotions. In this state, emotions are the main source of action, so there is the possibility of adjustment. However, depressive symptoms require professional identification to understand whether depression, as an emotion, has a pathological effect on your mother's body and mind. These are two different categories, so caution is required when making a judgment. I'm here for you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I can see you've been through a lot with your mom. It's so hard when our loved ones are struggling, isn't it? I admire you for being so strong and for recognizing the patterns in her behavior. It's so important to understand what's going on when we're trying to help someone. You mentioned that your mom would frown and say she didn't want to go without explaining why. I can imagine how frustrating that must have been for you. It's so hard to know what to do when our loved ones are depressed. It's like their emotions just get away from them. I can see how it would be scary to keep trying to persuade her to do things she doesn't want to do. It's so hard to watch someone lose control like that. I can see why you've been hesitant to bring up seeing a doctor. You're doing a great job, though. You've really taken the time to understand your mom and yourself. I'm here to support you in any way I can.
It can be really tough when a mom becomes depressed. Her emotions can get out of control, and it can be scary to see her lose control and act like she's going crazy. I know it's not easy, but it might be helpful to consider seeing a doctor. There's a way to approach this that could make it easier for you both.
I think your guess that your mother may have a sense of "shame" is totally reasonable. I know it can be really tough to admit that you need inner healing. It's not like some obvious pathologies that can be seen from the outside. There are so many times when even if it is obvious, it cannot be quickly admitted because the person involved cannot accept the fact that they [look different from normal people] all at once. But in fact, they are the same as normal people, and that's totally okay!
For instance, we all know that normal people get the flu. So, if the body can catch the flu, it's definitely possible for the mind to catch a "mental flu," especially when "mental immunity" is unstable.
I know you said you're afraid to bring up the doctor's appointment with your mom, but if you explain everything, she might feel like you're nagging her. I get it, it can be really hard to persuade your mom to get help. But here's something important to remember: whether or not she decides to get better is up to her. As kids, we can't make choices for our parents. What your mom really needs is our unconditional understanding and support right now.
You are absolutely welcome to choose not to accept your mother's out-of-control state. However, I would like to suggest that you also consider how to not let it affect your own life, even if you do not accept your mother's out-of-control state.
I'm so proud of you for releasing this matter onto the platform. It's not easy to do, but you did it! You took care of your own emotional release in this matter and gained a deeper understanding of your mother in the process.
Just remember, we can mention whether or not your mom might need some extra help, but the choice is totally up to her.
If you feel like your mom's mood is affecting yours, you can choose to take care of yourself while taking care of her. When you're feeling positive, you can spread that positivity to her too!
I'm Pan Fan, and I'm so grateful for your trust and for inviting me to be here with you. I hope that what I've shared can help to ease your anxiety and distress just a little bit.
Take care of yourself and your mom, okay?


Comments
I can understand how challenging this situation must be for you. It's really tough to see a loved one in pain and not know how to help. I think it's important to approach the conversation with empathy and without any pressure. Maybe you could start by expressing your love and concern, letting her know that you're there for her no matter what. You could say something like, "Mom, I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and I'm worried about you. I just want to make sure you're okay, and I'm here for you if you need anything."
It sounds like your mother might feel a lot of stigma around mental health issues. One way to address this could be to share some information about depression in a nonjudgmental way. You might find an article or a story about someone who has successfully managed their depression and show it to her. Sometimes hearing from others who have had similar experiences can be very comforting and less threatening.
Given how sensitive the topic is, it might be helpful to introduce the idea of seeking help indirectly. For instance, you could suggest doing something together that might lift her spirits, like going for a walk, attending a class, or joining a support group. This way, you're introducing the concept of taking care of her mental health without directly confronting the issue of depression.
Your mother's resistance to seeing a doctor might stem from fear or misunderstanding. If she feels more informed, she might be more open to getting help. Perhaps you could offer to go with her to the doctor, making it clear that you'll be there to support her every step of the way. Letting her know she won't be alone could make the prospect less daunting.
It's also worth considering involving other family members or close friends who your mother trusts. Sometimes, hearing the same message from different people can reinforce the importance of taking action. They might be able to provide additional support and encouragement, which could make a difference in how she perceives the situation.