My mother has obvious symptoms of depression. What should I do if a depressed person doesn't want to see a doctor?

Hello, question asker! When you see words, it's like meeting someone in person.

I'm so grateful you trusted me and took the time to answer my question. From your thoughtful and detailed description, I can really feel your deep concern for your mother. As her companion, you have worked so hard!

Let's chat about it based on your description and see how we can help your mom feel better.

At the start of your description, you mentioned that your mother has some clear signs of depression. It seems like she might be feeling quite low, and I'm wondering if she's struggling to cope with her emotions. I've suggested that she might benefit from some extra support, but I've been careful not to mention depression directly in case it makes her feel overwhelmed. I'd love to hear a few more details about this:

a. When did you first notice your mom was struggling with some pretty obvious depressive symptoms?

b. How long has your mom been going through this?

c. Could you tell us more about the specific behaviors your mother exhibited in this state?

d. I'd love to know how you specifically persuaded your mother. This helps us understand the communication model used between you and your mother, as well as the starting point of your thinking and her thinking about "treatment."

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really want to help you understand the difference between depression and depressive symptoms. Depression is a psychological state affected by emotions. In this state, emotions are the main source of action, so there is the possibility of adjustment. However, depressive symptoms require professional identification to understand whether depression, as an emotion, has a pathological effect on your mother's body and mind. These are two different categories, so caution is required when making a judgment. I'm here for you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I can see you've been through a lot with your mom. It's so hard when our loved ones are struggling, isn't it? I admire you for being so strong and for recognizing the patterns in her behavior. It's so important to understand what's going on when we're trying to help someone. You mentioned that your mom would frown and say she didn't want to go without explaining why. I can imagine how frustrating that must have been for you. It's so hard to know what to do when our loved ones are depressed. It's like their emotions just get away from them. I can see how it would be scary to keep trying to persuade her to do things she doesn't want to do. It's so hard to watch someone lose control like that. I can see why you've been hesitant to bring up seeing a doctor. You're doing a great job, though. You've really taken the time to understand your mom and yourself. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

It can be really tough when a mom becomes depressed. Her emotions can get out of control, and it can be scary to see her lose control and act like she's going crazy. I know it's not easy, but it might be helpful to consider seeing a doctor. There's a way to approach this that could make it easier for you both.

I think your guess that your mother may have a sense of "shame" is totally reasonable. I know it can be really tough to admit that you need inner healing. It's not like some obvious pathologies that can be seen from the outside. There are so many times when even if it is obvious, it cannot be quickly admitted because the person involved cannot accept the fact that they [look different from normal people] all at once. But in fact, they are the same as normal people, and that's totally okay!

For instance, we all know that normal people get the flu. So, if the body can catch the flu, it's definitely possible for the mind to catch a "mental flu," especially when "mental immunity" is unstable.

I know you said you're afraid to bring up the doctor's appointment with your mom, but if you explain everything, she might feel like you're nagging her. I get it, it can be really hard to persuade your mom to get help. But here's something important to remember: whether or not she decides to get better is up to her. As kids, we can't make choices for our parents. What your mom really needs is our unconditional understanding and support right now.

You are absolutely welcome to choose not to accept your mother's out-of-control state. However, I would like to suggest that you also consider how to not let it affect your own life, even if you do not accept your mother's out-of-control state.

I'm so proud of you for releasing this matter onto the platform. It's not easy to do, but you did it! You took care of your own emotional release in this matter and gained a deeper understanding of your mother in the process.

Just remember, we can mention whether or not your mom might need some extra help, but the choice is totally up to her.

If you feel like your mom's mood is affecting yours, you can choose to take care of yourself while taking care of her. When you're feeling positive, you can spread that positivity to her too!

I'm Pan Fan, and I'm so grateful for your trust and for inviting me to be here with you. I hope that what I've shared can help to ease your anxiety and distress just a little bit.

Take care of yourself and your mom, okay?

Hopefully, my answer will be helpful to you.

It's understandable to feel worried about your mother. From what you've said, it doesn't seem like she's depressed. To know for sure, you'd need to get a professional assessment. Generally, people who are depressed have these characteristics: low mood, loss of interest, and weakened thinking and volitional activities. In other words, they lose interest in activities that used to bring them pleasure and a sense of achievement. They also start doing more of the things they used to hate and reject.

I'm curious if your mother is currently dealing with this kind of behavior and situation in her life.

My advice to you is:

It's important to build a good relationship with your mother. Show her you understand her feelings, listen to her needs, and comfort her. When you have a good relationship, it's easier for her to listen to your advice.

When your mother is not feeling well, try to put yourself in her shoes. You can also find the right moment to listen to her heart and ask her what she needs you to do for her, what is wrong with her, and why she is emotional. If we empathize with our mother's feelings, listen to her needs, and, after she has expressed them, don't criticize or blame her, on the premise of acceptance, understanding, and respect, she will feel very safe and relaxed when confiding in us, and will be willing to tell us what is on her mind.

This process of confiding in others is actually a great form of therapy. It helps you understand your mother better and more deeply, and it also helps you help her more specifically.

2. Get to know why your mother might be reluctant to ask for help, communicate effectively, or share her concerns.

If your mother is willing to open up to you, you can listen to her reasons for not wanting to go to the hospital and hear her concerns and worries. Then, you can provide guidance and explanations to ease her mind and offer her support.

There are a few reasons why she might not want to go to the hospital.

She's worried about the cost and doesn't think it's worth spending money on it. But the reality is that depression, like many chronic diseases, will become increasingly difficult to treat if left untreated. It may even require more time and money to treat.

We're investing now to buy peace of mind and comfort, which will pay off in the long run.

Maybe she'll feel like she can handle it, or that her symptoms aren't that bad and she can keep going. In that case, you can respect her wishes and let her know that if she feels like she can't do it anymore, you're always available to go to the doctor with her.

You can also do some light science popularization and let her know that whether the symptoms are serious or not, it's important to get a comprehensive assessment and diagnosis. We can go to the hospital first to see how the doctor diagnoses it. If it's not the case, she'll feel a little more at ease. If it is the case, she can make timely adjustments and recover faster, so she'll feel more comfortable.

She might not want to tell anyone her secrets, including the psychologist. You can let her know that psychological counseling is confidential, and the doctor won't tell anyone what she says. The doctor is here to help her become happier and better, and the doctor can help her relieve some psychological distress and teach her how to adjust her mindset and unlock the knot.

Maybe she'll worry that other people will laugh at her? The truth is, everyone's the same, and everyone gets depressed sometimes. Depression is caused by a lot of different things. It's not your fault; you're just sick. If you're sick, you need to get well, and you can recover.

It's also possible that she thinks seeing a doctor won't help and that a psychologist can't change her life. You can tell her that talking to someone is therapeutic and that through counseling, you can change your thinking, feel better, and be more resilient. Plus, many people have improved through psychotherapy and counseling. Depression isn't a lifelong illness, and it can be overcome.

3. Try to find ways to add more things and activities into mom's life that she enjoys and feels proud of.

Let's start by looking at why a drop in enjoyable activities and an increase in unpleasant ones can lead to depression. We can learn a lot from the insights shared by our guest consultant at the last psychology seminar, Ms. Zhao Xiangmei. She highlighted two main reasons:

From a sociological standpoint, Marx said, "Labor creates people." It's only through labor that our brains have continued to grow and evolve, leading to the rich material and spiritual civilization we have today.

From a biological standpoint, the brain is like the captain of our learning and lives. It has an internal reward mechanism that forms a loop. When we interact with the environment, we get feedback. This can be positive or negative. If it's positive, the brain secretes dopamine, which makes us feel happy and comfortable. This encourages us to interact with the environment again, which reinforces the behavior. If the feedback is negative, the brain doesn't secrete dopamine. We feel uncomfortable. We secrete adrenaline, feel nervous and stressed, and stop doing similar things.

However, the reward mechanism in people with depression isn't working as it should. So, we need to create the right conditions for the patient to have better experiences and reactivate the reward mechanism through more contact and activities with the outside world. This is a bit of a reverse method.

Basically, you can see if your mom is doing things that don't make her feel good now. Instead, she's stuck in a bad mood.

We can encourage and help mothers to do things every day that allow them to experience a sense of achievement and pleasure. This could be things like the sports they used to like, the recreational activities they used to participate in, or anything else that used to make them feel valuable. Over time, these activities can help reactivate their reward mechanism and help them rediscover the joy of life.

You can find more details here. Best regards,

I'm so grateful for your invitation!

Reading your words, I also feel a bit anxious for you, and a sense of "powerlessness." If you push too hard, you worry that your mother may not be able to bear it; if you don't push her to see a doctor, you feel that you can't delay any longer, as problems may arise if you do. But don't worry! I'm here to help.

I also have some clients who don't seek help actively, usually referred by family members or institutions. When dealing with clients who don't seek help actively, it's a great opportunity to build a relationship! With the right counseling, they gradually become willing to seek help actively. It's a challenging process, but it's so rewarding when they're ready to take the next step!

I think this process is even more challenging for family members, but it's also an opportunity for growth and learning.

I'm thrilled to share some thoughts from my past experience with you!

First of all, as a child, you are so attentive to your mother's emotional state, which shows how much you care about her. However, it should be noted that there are strict criteria for the diagnosis of depression, and an assessment and diagnosis in a hospital is required.

If you label her rashly, it may cause her to resent you. But even if you don't say it outright, she can still sense your position towards her in your words and actions when you are in contact with her!

When she feels your opinion about her, it may provoke a strong sense of confrontation in her. This is where the transactional analysis (TA) comes in! This is an important concept called psychological position.

At this point, your mother may be feeling the psychological position of "I am bad (I have a disease), you are good (you have noticed)."

Just imagine, even when dealing with your own family, who wants to accept your advice with the feeling of "I'm bad, you're good"? It's a fascinating concept, isn't it?

***Your article doesn't mention any clear feedback from your mother regarding medical treatment, but I'm sure there's more to the story! From my experience, I suspect that there may be the following situations:

1. Not admitting that they are sick at all

Whenever the subject of seeking medical treatment is raised, they will retort, "I'm not sick, so why would I need to see a doctor?" This is a great opportunity to talk about the stigma of illness and how it affects us all. It could also be that the illness is more serious and they lack the correct understanding of it. This is a chance to educate and empower them! You need to make a careful judgment, and I know you will do a great job.

2. She knows she is ill, but she doesn't want to admit it because she has an internal fantasy. She believes that as long as she doesn't go to the hospital and the doctor doesn't say so explicitly, she is not ill.

If this is the case, she may have many illusions about mental illness, for example, that mental illness is psychosis, which is equivalent to madness, etc. But don't worry! Once we dispel these illusions, the truth will be revealed, and she'll have the opportunity to truly accept the facts.

This is also an important part of the consultation, and it's a great opportunity to help clients explore their fantasies. Many clients have various fantasies when they first start consulting, and it's so rewarding to be able to help them work through them.

3. Worry about practical problems

For example, the cost of medical treatment; increasing the financial and care burden on their children; relatives and friends being ashamed when they find out. In fact, in many cases, the thoughts of your mother's generation are different from yours, and it is important to ask her about her concerns in a down-to-earth manner.

***You mentioned in your article that in addition to depression, your mother's mood seems to also be characterized by "irritability," and the possibility of organic brain and body changes should also be considered.

On top of that, I don't know your mother's age, but it might be related to estrogen changes. All of these factors are worth considering!

Generally speaking, if you rule out organic changes, it is more objective to look at psychological factors — and this is where things get really interesting!

I've got some great news for you! If you want to solve all these problems, it's really important to have a totally open and equal conversation with your mum. And when I say "open," I mean you should be totally honest with her about what's on your mind.

Just because you don't say something doesn't mean she can't feel it (it's possible to have a more powerful hidden communication, which is an important concept in TA). It's definitely better to communicate with her frankly! The equality here also specifically addresses the inequality between you and your mother's status.

She is your elder, but many people actually feel inferior to young people when they get older. The good news is that you can turn this around! All you have to do is treat her equally.

I truly believe that if you can grasp the concepts of honesty and equality and communicate deeply with your mother just once, you will see a breakthrough!

I'm not sure if these suggestions are relevant, but I'm excited to have the chance to chat with you in more detail. I'm Wang Xuejing, a psychological counselor, and I wish you all the best!

Dear visitor, I'm delighted to have this opportunity to share some personal experiences and reflections with you.

This is a selfless request, an urgent desire to find an effective way to help my mother return to a good emotional state. I think this is not only selfless but also helpful for me.

It's tough to see your mom having a breakdown. It's like the fear, helplessness, and worry from those moments never stop, and after trying so many things, you're ready for a solution.

I get it. You're anxious for your mom's mood to improve, and you're also dealing with your own strong emotions because of her mood. Fear, anxiety, and panic are complex and difficult to bear.

I can imagine how scary it must be for a child when they're faced with their mother's emotional outburst. It's not easy, whether you're an adult or not, if you're on your own in that moment.

It's important to know how to comfort someone who is emotionally devastated when you're feeling fearful and nervous yourself.

My advice is to take some time to find your own peace before helping your mother find hers.

I'm sure you realize it'll take some time to help your mother regain her calm, that you need to do a lot of preparation, and that you need to understand what's happening to her and what her needs are.

It's important to know what caused these emotions in order to treat the symptoms, whether it's depression, anxiety, or any other emotion.

Maybe your mom is up against some tough challenges that are making it hard for her to think clearly. In this situation, your advice might not be as helpful as you'd like. What she really needs is someone to understand her, give her a break, show her empathy, and reassure her.

This is going to be a challenge.

I don't know your mother's age, but if she's around 45, you might want to think about whether menopausal symptoms are a possibility. If so, you can choose to seek medical treatment, and perhaps medication can help to alleviate some of the symptoms.

Finally, I just want to say that you shouldn't have to face these difficulties alone. You need to get some external support to help you deal with them, which will also help you stay stable on the inside.

It's tough, but you'll be rewarded for taking on challenges. Best of luck!

Dear Sir/Madam, I am a psychological counselor and I am pleased to respond to your query.

The distress caused by witnessing a parent's mental illness is a universal experience, regardless of the child's age. However, younger children may experience this situation with their mother more profoundly than older children or adults.

Firstly, it is essential to distinguish between the concepts of depressed mood and depression. Depressed mood is a normal human experience, whereas depression is a clinical condition. While depressed mood is temporary and typically dissipates over time, depression is a chronic and debilitating disorder.

The symptoms of depression have persisted for a relatively long period of time and are accompanied by some observable symptoms. The diagnosis of depression is a matter that requires the expertise of a medical professional and cannot be casually concluded. It is therefore necessary to visit a hospital and request a professional assessment by a qualified medical practitioner.

Medical research has demonstrated that depression is associated with aberrant neural activity within specific brain networks. Consequently, it can be conceptualized as a genuine physical illness, analogous to a cold or fever. Major depressive disorder typically necessitates pharmacological intervention, and a multimodal approach integrating pharmacological, cognitive, emotional, and psychological therapies has been shown to yield superior outcomes.

The behavior you describe is consistent with a diagnosis of depression. It is understandable that you want to persuade your mother to seek medical attention for her physical and mental health.

Nevertheless, I have a question. It appears that you are the sole individual addressing your mother's health concerns. Are your father and other family members aware of your mother's condition, or do they perceive it as insignificant?

In light of these considerations, I would like to proffer a few suggestions.

1. If there are other family members present, it would be advisable to communicate with them in order to reach a unified opinion. In the event that everyone is not aware of this situation and only you perceive a problem with your mother, it would be prudent to assess whether her depressive symptoms are persistent or whether certain events have triggered her depressive mood, and to what extent it differs from her normal state.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the frequency has increased, and so forth.

Furthermore, one may conduct online research into the specific manifestations of depression and present the findings to family members in order to persuade them to pay attention to the mother's mental state.

On this basis, it would be advisable to discuss with all relevant parties the optimal means of persuading your mother to seek medical attention, in order to avoid any potential irritation and ensure her compliance.

In the event that the family continues to exhibit a lack of support, it may be beneficial to reflect on whether there is a possibility that your own interpretation of your mother's observations may be influenced by a degree of bias. While this seems unlikely based on the information provided, it is a possibility that should be considered.

2. In the event that you are the sole decision-maker regarding your mother's condition (presumably, you are an adult) and you believe her condition to be grave, yet you are unable to persuade her to seek medical attention, it is recommended that you

1) It is recommended that you spend more time with your mother, particularly when she is experiencing a low mood. It is not advisable to attempt to cheer her up or to suggest a walk.

It is imperative to be present for her and inquire gently, "What is the matter?" If she is reluctant to converse, it is crucial to remain with her in silence. It is unwise to engage in distracting activities on one's mobile device during these moments, but it is paramount to offer her your undivided attention and affection.

It is important to convey to the subject that you are concerned about her well-being and that you are available to provide support should she require it. It is also crucial to recognise that when the subject is in a negative emotional state, you may also experience a similar emotional response.

If she has something on her mind, you will be willing to listen to her. If she does talk, you will learn to listen, refraining from analyzing her actions for right or wrong. Instead, you will attempt to comprehend her emotional state and express your concern and understanding for her feelings, even if you are unable to fully comprehend the situation.

It is likely that few mothers are able to refuse their children's loving devotion. It is therefore recommended that time is made available to spend with one's mother, as this may facilitate the development of a trusting relationship, which in turn may lead to an improvement in her mood.

2) Should the initial step fail to improve the situation, it would be erroneous to conclude that your presence is futile. Indeed, it may be indicative of the fact that your mother is genuinely unwell, and that your company is of even greater importance to her. This would be an ideal time to share with her what you know about depression when you feel close to her. For example, depression is a physical illness that can have serious consequences.

You have recently observed that she is often in a bad mood, and you are concerned about her well-being. You are seeking advice regarding whether you should take her to the hospital for a medical evaluation to alleviate your concerns.

It is advisable to speak slowly and observe the situation. In the event that you anticipate a negative reaction from your mother, it may be prudent to refrain from initiating the conversation at this time. It is not necessary to address the topic in its entirety immediately; you may choose to introduce it gradually, when the circumstances are conducive to doing so.

It is reasonable to posit that your mother will appreciate your well-intentioned actions.

3) In the event of a mood episode, it is important to maintain a sense of security and trust. It is crucial to recognize that the individual in question does not intend to cause harm. However, it is also essential to prioritize self-care and protection.

In such instances, it is advisable to empathize with your mother's distress and refrain from attributing blame. Subsequent to her composure, it would be prudent to ascertain an opportunity to convey your apprehensions to her.

It is my contention that no mother is indifferent to her child's well-being. When a mother recognizes the detrimental impact of her emotions on her child, she will not persist in defending her own position.

It is important to note that the aforementioned suggestions may not yield immediate results, and that there may be numerous unforeseen developments along the way.

In conclusion, it is important to note that while depression has a physical predisposition, it is also closely related to one's living and working environment, as well as interpersonal relationships. Therefore, assisting your mother in making necessary adjustments in these areas, while also demonstrating genuine concern and understanding for her situation and needs, can significantly contribute to alleviating her depression.

Even if depression is diagnosed and treated with medication, if the environment and interpersonal factors are not improved, a recurrence of depression is highly probable.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned advice will prove beneficial. I extend my best wishes to you and your mother for continued good health and happiness.