My parents always exaggerate and distort the facts, quarrel and go crazy. How is this affecting me?

Good day, the inquirer.

From your question, it is evident that growing up in a family where parents exhibit a lack of emotional control can have a profound impact on a child's self-esteem and confidence. Additionally, your experience of being bullied at school and a subsequent lack of confidence and self-protection are likely consequences of this family environment. I empathize with your situation and extend my support through this message.

In general, parents who exhibit negative emotions may have been influenced by the environment of their family of origin, which may have shaped their personality and character. Alternatively, they may simply be prone to emotional instability, lacking the capacity to control their emotions or exhibiting a greater propensity for negative affect. Stress, for instance, can also contribute to emotional volatility.

The following section will present a series of solutions to this problem.

[1] It is imperative to recognize that the emotional states of others do not necessarily reflect reality and should not be internalized as personal sentiments. Instead, it is essential to cultivate the ability to regulate one's own emotions and to be mindful of one's emotional state.

Emotions can be influenced, but if we are influenced, then negative emotions will control us, resulting in unpredictable consequences. When negative emotions dominate, individuals may behave in harmful ways, as observed in the actions of one's parents. Therefore, the harm caused by negative emotions is significant. It is essential to be aware of one's own negative emotions, manage them effectively, view the occurrence of emotions rationally, and avoid being influenced by others.

[2] It is recommended that communication with parents be conducted in a rational manner, that emotional stability be maintained, and that self-acceptance be practiced.

One may inquire of one's parents as to the source of their uncontrollable emotions or thoughts. It is plausible that the stress of life is the cause of such behavior. When parents have emotions, it is imperative to maintain rationality and composure while simultaneously accepting the current self. Having already exerted significant effort to survive, it is crucial not to allow external influences to impede one's growth. The individual is here for oneself, not for others.

[3] It is possible to identify methods for redirecting one's emotions.

For example, one can redirect one's attention or offer oneself positive mental suggestions. Additionally, one can engage in discourse with one's parents regarding the underlying causes of their emotions. It is important to recognize that individuals can influence one another. When one's emotions become stable, it is possible that one's parents' emotions may also become stable.

[4] It is essential to cultivate independence, differentiate oneself, assume responsibility, and establish boundaries.

It is also important to recognize that parents' personalities are not easily changeable. The best course of action is to avoid being controlled and influenced by them. Each individual is responsible for their own life choices and actions. It is essential to develop a sense of autonomy and to establish boundaries between oneself and one's family. It is crucial to pursue activities and beliefs that align with one's own values and to cultivate self-confidence. Ultimately, no external force can inflict harm upon an individual.

Ultimately, it is imperative to safeguard oneself effectively, bolster self-esteem and confidence. One may gain insight into how others safeguard themselves and enhance their ability to defend themselves by reading books or watching courses. It is crucial to recognize that if someone does not offend you, you should not offend them. It is essential to establish clear boundaries and principles, believe in oneself, learn to grow, and avoid being controlled by negative emotions.

The following represents my personal perspective on the matter. It is my hope that these observations will prove beneficial.

Hello! I'll start by sending you a warm hug from afar.

I'm glad you've asked for help. I hope my input can support you. From your description, I can see the harm caused by your parents. They've caused you to feel a strong sense of panic and unease. You feel misunderstood, disliked, and rejected. You also feel a lack of love and acceptance.

We all have to accept that we can't choose our family of origin or our parents. What we can do is try to accept them better. Accepting yourself means accepting a terrible family of origin and accepting that your parents can't love you and might even hurt you.

It's also important to understand that parents who are emotionally immature treat their children this way not because you're not good enough, but because they see their children as an extension of themselves. In other words, when you have parents who are emotionally immature, you don't have much independence. They don't treat their children as independent people and they unintentionally impose their unfulfilled lives on their children. Whether you want to or not, when what you do doesn't meet their expectations, it makes them feel bad inside, and they express their emotions.

It's important to remember that children are innocent and have their own lives.

A child with an emotionally immature parent can try to be brave and honest with them. They can tell them directly about their feelings and needs when they're hurt by their words or actions. It's important not to judge their words or actions.

Parents who are emotionally immature are often unaware of the impact their actions can have on their children. They may try to exert control by making their children feel guilty, for instance, by saying things like, "Was it easy for me to raise you? You're a burden!"

This can make the child feel really guilty, like they're to blame for what happened, and that they shouldn't have done what they did because they were just trying to protect themselves from their parents' bad behavior.

In fact, kids need to respond bravely and sincerely when they're facing harm from emotionally immature parents. This means they need to be able to clearly perceive their parents' out-of-control emotions and their own hurt feelings. Only then will they be able to focus on the present, pay attention to their feelings, and express themselves. What do you think?

At the same time, you can also tell them in a letter how their immature words and actions have hurt you. You can express your anger, grievances, fear, and helplessness, as well as how you want to be treated. You can also express your love for them. This is the best way to make your trauma visible and respond to it. You need to try to face your trauma head-on so it doesn't continue to haunt you.

I suggest you read "The Neglected Child," "The Bond of Parents," and "Overcoming the Mountain Within."