My parents gave me love, but also a sense of shame and inferiority? Internal conflict.

Hello, host!

You mentioned feeling anxious and inferior, with mood swings. Let's take a look at this together and see if we can help.

First of all, you said that when you were young, you hardly spent any time with your father. When you were five or six years old, you started to dislike your father because you felt that he was not as decent or as good as other fathers. After you started school, your mother often made you feel inferior by saying things like "you are as stupid as your father."

It's not just you. Parents also often quarrel, so you also can't feel the happiness of the family. You've found a very good husband, but you still feel lonely and sad, right?

It's clear that your parents' strict upbringing has had a significant impact on you. You dislike your father and are even more critical of your own behavior, which has led to an inferiority complex that affects your current life. No matter how you try to change, you're constantly reminded that you're similar to your father, which isn't helpful. So, what can we do?

I hope these suggestions are helpful.

1. Correct some of your misconceptions. You are not the same as your father or your family. You have already started your own family. If you think you're not good enough, why did you find such a good husband? The fact that your husband is willing to tolerate you shows that you have many good qualities that make him worth tolerating your shortcomings, doesn't it?

2. We say that it's too difficult to change the influence of the original family, and it's even less likely to change the parents. So, the best thing to do is accept it. Accept this father who isn't dressed appropriately, and accept this pair of parents who love to quarrel.

It may seem serious, but most families are noisy. The well-dressed father you see may be a mess when he gets home.

You say that parents who can educate their children may have children at home who are so fed up with being educated that they want to jump off a building. We often don't realize what we're getting.

If we can't get what we want, we tend to think it's wonderful. We can always hope for the best, but accepting the facts may also be the first step to our happiness.

3. Are parents really that bad? Are they really that bad?

Think about it again. As I said earlier, there are things you can see and things you can't. What are the good things about your parents? You can also ask your husband, I'm sure he can tell you.

You could also ask your friends what they think are the good points about your parents. You might find that you can re-evaluate your parents and realize that they're not so bad after all, and that they do have good qualities.

Your husband is doing a great job of encouraging and tolerating you. You can also try to praise your parents and tolerate them. When you release this tense emotion, happiness will follow. Use love to tolerate the people and things around you, and you'll find your life is full of love.

Stay strong, host. I'm rooting for you!

Good day.

From your description, I can understand how you feel.

It is my personal opinion that…

From what you've shared, it seems that the feelings of shame and inferiority you've been experiencing may have been shaped by your family's influence from an early age. It might be helpful to approach your parents with understanding and compassion.

I wonder if I might suggest that you are now at least 25 years old. From the data you have provided, it seems likely that your parents were also people from the 1980s. You mentioned that when you were young and perhaps less aware of the world around you, your father was perhaps not as reasonable as other people's fathers.

It might be observed that, excluding the two major influencing factors of regional culture and education level, the overall level of education in your family is not particularly high. This could be one of the reasons for the shadow it casts on your peers.

Secondly, your family education is commendable. It is admirable that you have not blamed your parents for their attitude towards you, as many children do. This is something that many families should aspire to, and it is also a kind of simplicity.

You may find it helpful to remember that you can be proud without feeling inferior.

3. You mentioned that you have a husband who is very understanding and accepting of your character flaws, and that your family harmony is something many people admire. This suggests that you are a happy person.

It is worth noting that those who care will see not your humility, but rather your boasting of your happiness.

If I might offer my personal advice,

I'm afraid the advice I've given you may not be the most helpful in finding happiness. After all, happiness is something that comes from within. I wish I could be of more assistance in this regard. As for loneliness and sadness, I can only offer some suggestions that may help to reduce these feelings.

First, regarding your parents, it might be helpful to view your past as history. This history, in which you participated, can be used as a reference to help you form a sharp contrast in educating your own children. At least the Mingzhu science education method is worth learning from. You can use it to educate your children and also the elderly. In the past, your parents educated you, but now you can try to raise your parents. You might consider adjusting the behavior that makes them feel ashamed.

This will allow you to move beyond feelings of inferiority and enhance your abilities. While building self-confidence, you can also learn to regulate your emotions.

Secondly, the circumstances of one's parents are sometimes beyond our control. However, we can choose to change our mindset and approach. You mentioned that you often express yourself in a way that shows you are better than others and can earn more money. This is an issue that has its roots in the past.

Perhaps it would be helpful to learn to ignore these kinds of words. If you carry the expectations of the previous generation on your shoulders, it can feel like carrying a mountain on your shoulders. This is also a behavior pattern that is not advocated by modern science and education. Even if what they express is perhaps the hope that these things will bring you pressure or that you can become one of those people with an appearance of prosperity, it might be worth considering whether that's really what you want.

Thirdly, there appears to be a discrepancy between the praise from his parents for others and his desire for money, as well as your husband's tolerance for you. It might be helpful to try to be more tolerant and encouraging.

Ultimately, marriage is about the commitment and hard work of two people to achieve happiness.

Please note that the above content is for reference only.

Hello, my dear friend! I'm sending you a big, warm hug from afar.

I'm so happy you asked for help! I really hope my sharing can give you some support and help. I also want to commend you for being so aware of the trauma caused by not being more affirmed, accepted, understood, and encouraged by your parents during your growth.

First of all, I want to tell you that we can't choose our own family of origin and parents, and that's okay! What we can do is try to learn to accept them better. Accepting yourself means having a challenging family of origin, and accepting yourself means having parents who don't know how to love and may have caused you some pain. But as long as you're aware of the trauma you experienced in your family of origin and with your parents, and you're willing to try to make a change, you can limit the influence of your parents and family of origin on you. You'll be able to move on from this part of your life through your own active learning and growth.

It's also important to understand that parents don't intend to treat you this way. They may have also been treated this way by their parents when they were growing up. They're children who lack love and don't know how to love. This is why parents can become your parents and treat you in a way that hurts you. They bear the scars of their own trauma in their original family. When they're not very aware of the way they were treated in their original family, they'll inadvertently bring this part of the trauma to you.

So, it's not really fair to expect your parents to treat you in the way you want, because they haven't had the same experience and can't give you the same response and support. But when you've gained some understanding of your inner lack and deficiency, you can try to repair the trauma of your early years and nurture yourself again through your own active learning and growth.

I really think you'd benefit from reading "Original Family," "The Bond of Parents," and "Family Awakening."

Hi, I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. I just wanted to say that the world and I love you!