My roommate is a mean person who deliberately looks for trouble and likes to gang up and gossip about others. What should I do?

Dear old friend, I have taken the time to read your heartfelt words carefully and have tried to put myself in your shoes. I have taken the liberty of organizing some thoughts as your old friend and have also summarized some key messages:

It seems that some roommates may be forming cliques, speaking ill of others, and making noise in the morning.

It seems that there has been a change in the way we interact. We are not talking as much as we used to, and we are spending less time together. I am returning to the dormitory at night.

I feel that perhaps I should not have paid any attention to this matter. I was instinctively afraid and did not learn.

I would be grateful for any advice on how to avoid being influenced by my roommate.

It might be said that the dormitory is a small society with both selfish and altruistic relationships. It seems that your friend has gone from having their life disrupted to having their emotions disrupted. If I might offer a suggestion, perhaps a hug for your friend would be beneficial. I can empathize with the fear that you are experiencing because our brains are very intelligent. It's possible that the more we fear, the more we think about it, and the more this kind of thinking will enter our brains.

If I may, I would like to share a quote with my old friend here:

"It is not any reason or technique that will save us, but perhaps the strengths-and-what-i-am-suited-for-i-wish-to-find-purpose-and-courage-4746.html" target="_blank">courage to face it head-on could be helpful."

When I read the last few sentences, I felt a surge of energy. You might find it helpful to tell yourself, "If I don't let it affect me, I won't care about her 'little tricks'. The word 'little' is really cute, and sometimes it is these 'little pleasures' that affect our 'big happiness'. Here's hoping that some of my small sharing can bring strength to my old friend.

[Try to be as honest as you can be.]

I must admit that I am somewhat fearful.

I must admit that I am somewhat concerned about my roommate's methods.

I must admit that I am somewhat fearful of being afraid of others.

I'm not sure when I'll be able to stop being afraid.

I have come to accept and embrace this aspect of myself that I have come to recognize as "fearful."

[Here, all fears and pains are embraced and resolved]

I hope that each of us can be our own listener. It would be beneficial for the listener to provide the speaker with courage, allowing them to identify and reinforce their strengths. In my friend's story, I observed behaviors that help her avoid emotional influence, which is commendable. Additionally, she has the opportunity to interact with individuals who can offer her positive energy and happiness, potentially replacing a negative cycle with a more constructive one.

I believe it would be beneficial to emphasise the importance of feedback.

I imagine my friend has tried many things to get back on track to a happy life. It seems to me that courageous acts that can restore our strength and overcome our "fear" are really what we need to constantly implement, such as having more good social relationships, learning to give feedback, and enjoying life.

I hope that my friend will be able to enjoy the many different aspects of his life, face his fears, and become happier and more energetic.

Hello, I have suggestions for your question.

1. Stand up for yourself.

When others exclude you, act like you don't know.

Stay calm. They're trying to provoke you.

You're the laughing stock, right? Don't get angry or anxious. Smile more and do a better job. Show them you're nothing, that they can live without you, and that I can too.

2. Seduce them away from you.

Any person who forms cliques will have internal relationships that are not as

You think it's solid, but there must be a fence-sitter. Be nice to this group. Greet one or two people, show goodwill, help them with the delivery, and take out the takeaway. Before long, they'll be fighting.

Show favor to one or two people to make them suspicious of each other. As long as they fight, they won't deal with you. Use this to your advantage to become better.

3. Get ready to take action.

Why do people exclude you? Is it because you're better?

If there aren't enough of them, they're excluded. A beggar isn't jealous of the emperor, just the beggar who's doing better.

When you're isolated, believe that gold always shines and work to become stronger.

When you leave others far behind, you will find friends.

The mean people who used to trip you up will try to get close to you. You will see who dares to bully you. If you understand human nature, you will be able to remain invincible and turn the situation around.

Hello, question asker! My name is June Lai Feng.

It can be quite challenging to deal with a roommate who displays such behavior. There could be a number of underlying psychological factors and personal traits that contribute to this.

It's possible that the roommate may be experiencing some form of jealousy (e.g., academic performance, relationships, appearance, etc.) or a sense of inferiority, which could manifest as a way of boosting their self-esteem by belittling you. They may perceive others as rivals and attempt to undermine their advantages by speaking ill of them.

It could be that this behavior stems from a desire for control and influence within social circles, which may manifest as the formation of cliques and the spreading of negative rumors. The formation of cliques can be a way of seeking security and support, as well as attention.

It might be the case that they lack understanding and concern for the feelings of others, and therefore behave without considering the consequences for others. It could be that they lack mature interpersonal skills and emotional management skills.

It is also worth considering the influence of the growth environment. If a person often witnesses or participates in similar behaviors during their growth process, there is a possibility that they may internalize this behavior as part of themselves.

It might be the case that he is suffering from a mental illness. In some instances, persistent negative social behavior could be a symptom of certain mental health issues, such as antisocial personality disorder or borderline personality disorder.

It may be helpful to consider the psychological factors behind your roommate's behavior. Doing so could assist you in addressing the situation more effectively and efficiently, which might help you to resolve the dilemma you're facing.

First and foremost, it is important to maintain courtesy and respect, regardless of the situation. Treating him politely is essential. It may also be helpful to maintain a distance and reduce contact with him to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

If it is possible to do so, it might be helpful to communicate with your roommate and express your feelings about his behavior in a calm manner. However, it is important to be careful about the approach and timing. It may be beneficial to set boundaries and clearly tell your roommate that you do not accept negative behavior, and then stick to your position and boundaries.

Secondly, it would be advisable to refrain from participating in their discussions and avoid joining in on any negative comments directed towards others. This will help to avoid any potential conflicts and ensure that, should a conflict arise, it can be resolved in the presence of others. It is also important to remain calm and rational in such situations and to avoid getting into unnecessary arguments.

It would be beneficial to try to build a good relationship with other roommates and to gain their support and understanding.

It would be beneficial to focus on your own things and put your energy into your studies and hobbies. It is important to try not to let these issues affect your life.

If the problem is serious and affects your quality of life or mental health, and direct communication is not the solution, you may wish to consider reporting it to the dormitory manager or class teacher and applying for a change of dormitory.

It is also important to remember to protect your emotional and physical health, avoid unnecessary conflicts, maintain your peace of mind, and not let such people affect your life and studies when dealing with such problems.

I hope my story can be of some help to you. I wish you all the best!

Have a lovely day!

Hello, question asker!

Handling relationships with roommates at school is an exciting challenge that every boarding student gets to face!

I'm excited to share some thoughts with you that I think you'll find really helpful!

The dorm is one of the best places to live, study, and participate in school activities! It's where you'll make your first friends.

If you don't manage your relationships with your roommates, you might find yourself feeling negative emotions when they do things like "refuse to talk to you" or "come in very early in the morning to make noise."

The great thing about living in a dorm is that you get to meet people from all over the place! They have different family backgrounds, different living habits, and different personalities.

Living together will inevitably lead to some interesting challenges due to differences in perception, personality clashes, and poor communication.

However, in school life, everyone has an equal status, all have shortcomings, and are constantly growing and changing—and that's a wonderful thing!

For example, your views and judgments about "she has a bad character, always likes to gang up and talk bad about others" and "I don't know why I'm afraid of such a villain with a low character" will change over time from more subjective feelings to more objective perceptions in the future.

Classmates often fail to see each other's reality of constant growth and change, which presents a wonderful opportunity for growth and change in themselves! If they could muster up a sincere respect for each other, as well as the courage and attitude to understand and accommodate each other, they would be well on their way to becoming the best versions of themselves.

So, recognizing that everyone's growth process has its hiccups and that temporary roommate disagreements are just part and parcel of the deal, is the first step to actively improving your relationship with your roommate and banishing your fear!

On this basis, it is recommended that the questioner should definitely take the initiative to communicate positively with their roommate and express their feelings and wishes towards her in a timely manner.

Don't give up just because you think there's no way you can communicate with this person!

This kind of communication is not only an important variable in establishing normal interactions with your roommate and promoting change—it's also an inevitable exercise and experience in improving your interpersonal communication and handling skills!

Absolutely! Some communication skills are definitely needed. First, you need to make sure that the other person understands what you are saying.

Also, when communicating, try not to look too serious. You can be more relaxed and humorous, even joking around! This can quickly dispel her fear.

And there are other ways to reduce your stress! You can try self-relaxation training, which is a great way to calm your nerves, shift your focus, and relieve the pressure of interpersonal tensions in the room. All you have to do is take deep breaths and relax your muscles!

I really hope the above is of some help to you!

Hello. Your roommate's personality and actions cause you trouble. You think this is because you're afraid of her. If you can overcome this fear, you'll be able to avoid or reduce her interference with you.

We can try to understand why we're afraid. First, we need social relationships and to feel like we belong, so we're afraid of being left out.

Your roommate's behavior may have made you afraid of being left out and isolated.

Second, fear may also come from worrying about what your roommates say about you. This makes you worry about how you look to other people. It's hard to know what they'll say, which makes you feel scared.

If you've been hurt by similar people before, you might be more sensitive and defensive now. This can make you tense and alert, which is draining.

First, decide what you want from this situation. Know your values and principles. Know how you will act and what you will do to build relationships.

You and your roommate are different people with different ideas. You can also see that this roommate is not "unrestricted" (just as in the dormitory, you also have companions who get along with you). You can observe whether this roommate has "limitations" in other situations.

You will go your separate ways in the future. During this period, if the "passenger" does something excessive, you can ask someone to help you deal with it.

Do the things you want to do, especially the things that give you energy. Find a way to use the opportunities you have.

If you can't sleep in the morning, get up and go for a walk. Focus on what you can control.

Dear friend, I empathize with your situation. When faced with a roommate who presents such challenges, it's natural to feel a range of emotions, including frustration and a sense of powerlessness. In life, we all encounter obstacles and difficulties, which can sometimes feel like stones in the road, both hindering our progress and offering opportunities for growth.

It is commendable that you have maintained a certain distance and limited your contact with her. However, when her actions directly impact your daily life, as in the case of the noise this morning, it can be frustrating and overwhelming.

It's understandable that you're feeling afraid. It's natural to feel this way when we're faced with situations we don't fully understand or have control over.

It's important to remember that your fear doesn't make you weak. It simply shows that you're an emotional and empathetic person. Your feelings are valid and deserve respect.

In psychology, we often encounter similar interpersonal conflict issues. This situation may be related to "group dynamics," which is the term used to describe how the behavior of individuals in groups is influenced by group norms and pressures.

It's possible that your roommate may be using this dynamic unconsciously, which could be strengthening her influence by forming alliances. It might be the case that your alliance with another roommate seems like a threat to her, which could be why she expresses her dissatisfaction by making noise.

The "instinctive fear" you mentioned is related to our "fight or flight" response, an ancient survival mechanism that our body automatically responds to when it feels threatened. While in modern society this response may not be as applicable to dealing with complex interpersonal relationships, it is still a part of our emotional response.

You have already demonstrated remarkable courage and wisdom in this process. For instance, you chose to return to the dormitory at night, which was a sensible decision to protect yourself.

It might be helpful to try to find a suitable time to express your feelings and concerns in a calm tone, so that she knows how her behavior affects you.

When communicating, it may be helpful to use "I" statements, such as "I feel a bit disturbed when you..." This can help to reduce defensiveness and facilitate understanding.

It may be helpful to consider emotional release as a way to relieve stress. When emotions are running high, it could be beneficial to temporarily leave the scene, take some deep breaths, or engage in relaxing activities such as walking or listening to music.

These methods may help us find a sense of calm and clarity of thought.

Seeking support from others can be an effective way to overcome difficulties. Sharing your feelings with trusted friends or family members can provide a sense of strength and understanding. If you feel it would be helpful, you may also wish to consider professional psychological counseling, where you can receive guidance and advice from trained professionals on how to better cope with challenges.

It may be helpful to focus on yourself and your own development. It might also be beneficial to try not to let external distractions affect your studies and your life.

You may find it helpful to focus on your own development by setting goals and planning a timetable. When you focus on your own growth, you may find that external distractions become less important.

It is important to be clear about your personal values and standards, and to maintain your integrity in the face of external pressures. By doing so, you can remain true to yourself and not be unduly influenced by external factors in dormitory life.

Should the situation prove to be serious, it would be advisable to seek the assistance of the school counselor or dormitory manager. They are responsible for intervening to help improve the dormitory environment.

While we cannot control the behavior of others, we can certainly control our own reactions. Every challenge is an opportunity to grow, and with courage and determination, we can find solutions.

Hello, dear old friend. I read your heartfelt words with great care and found myself drawn into the text, organizing some of my thoughts.

The dormitory is a small society, and in this small society, you can see that old friends have gone from having their lives disrupted to having their emotions disrupted. Here's a hug for old friends first! I know very well the days when I'm plagued by fear, because our brains are very intelligent. The more we fear and avoid thinking about something, the more this kind of thinking will enter our brains.

I'd love to share a quote with my dear old friend here:

"It's not any reason or skill that saves us, but the courage to face it head-on."

When I read the last few sentences of my old friend, I felt a wonderful surge of energy. You tell yourself: if I don't let it affect me, I won't care about her "little tricks." The word "little" is really cute. Sometimes it is precisely these "little pleasures" that affect our "great happiness." I really hope that some of my small sharing can bring strength to my old friend.

[Be an honest person]

I'm a little afraid, too.

I'm a little afraid of my roommate's tricks.

I'm afraid of being afraid of others.

I'm afraid I don't know when I'll stop being afraid.

But I accept and embrace this "fearful" self of mine, and I'm learning to love her just the way she is!

[Here, all fears and pains are embraced and resolved]

I really hope that each of us can be our own listener. It's so important to give the speaker courage, so that they can find the points of strength in their story and keep on strengthening them. In my friend's story, I saw that she avoids behaviors that affect her emotions, which is a good thing. At the same time, she can spend time with more people who can give her energy and happiness, which is great!

[Feedback is so important!]

My friend has surely tried so many things to get back on track to a happy life. We can all learn from her example! It's so important to have good social relationships, to learn to give feedback, and to enjoy life.

I really hope my friend can enjoy all the different parts of his life, face his fears, and be happier and more energetic.

Having a roommate like this can be really frustrating. Here are some tips to help you cope with the impact she has on you:

1. Keep your distance: Avoid getting involved in her topics or activities. Stay independent and self-reliant, and focus on your own studies and life.

2. Build your self-confidence: Believe in your own value and abilities, and don't let her behavior affect your self-confidence. Remember that her behavior is her problem, not yours.

3. Find support: Build a good relationship with other roommates or friends and get their support and understanding. Share your feelings with them; they may be able to give you some advice and comfort.

4. Stay focused on your goals. Prioritize your studies and interests, define your goals, and work towards them. This will allow you to focus more on your own growth and pay less attention to her.

5. Learn to cope: When she makes noise or interferes, try some strategies for dealing with it, such as using earplugs, communicating with her, or reporting it to the dormitory manager.

6. Adjust your mindset: Don't let her behavior affect your emotions and mood. Relax and relieve stress through exercise, reading, or other favorite activities.

7. Stay positive: Don't let her negative behavior affect your life. Try to see the good in things.

Remember, you can't change other people's behavior, but you can control your own reactions. Stay focused on your own life and goals, and believe that you can handle the situation. Here are some ways to adjust your mindset that may help you not let her behavior affect your life:

1. Cognitive restructuring: Try to change the way you perceive her behavior. Remember, her behavior is her problem, not yours. Don't pay too much attention to her behavior; focus on your own life instead.

2. Stay positive: Try to think positively and focus on the good things in your life. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones can help you stay in a good frame of mind.

3. Self-care: Look after your physical and mental health. Stick to good habits like getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and exercising moderately.

You can also relieve stress through relaxing activities like meditation, yoga, or reading.

4. Distraction: Focus on your hobbies, studies, or social activities. Doing things that make you happy and feel like you're making a difference can help you not pay as much attention to her behavior.

5. Social support: Talk to friends, family, or other trusted people about how you're feeling. Having someone you trust to turn to can make you feel stronger and more confident.

6. Mental adjustment: Learn some techniques for coping with stress and emotions, such as deep breathing, relaxation exercises, or positive affirmations. These techniques can help you stay calm and rational when facing difficulties.

7. Set boundaries: Be clear about what you want and don't let her cross those lines. Learn to say "no" and protect your time and space.

8. Develop a sense of humor. Sometimes, looking at things that bother you in a humorous way and not taking them too seriously can help reduce stress and improve your coping skills.

It'll take a bit of time and practice to adjust your mindset, and different methods may work better for different people. You can try a variety of methods to find one that suits you to maintain a good mindset.

Meeting a roommate like this is a problem, but don't let it affect your studies and life. It's normal to feel scared or uneasy when faced with people or things you don't like. Here are some suggestions to help you cope with the current situation:

Stay calm. Her behavior doesn't reflect your value. Don't let her negative behavior define you.

Focus on your studies and personal development to become more confident. When you have your own goals, you won't care about other people's actions.

Seek support. Share your concerns with friends or classmates. You can also ask your tutor or hall manager for help.

Set boundaries. Tell her what behavior is unacceptable. If she continues to disturb you, report her to the dorm manager.

Believe in yourself and don't let others bring you down. Join activities you're interested in to make friends and boost your confidence.

Don't waste time and energy on her. Her problems are not your problems. You are not responsible for her actions.

Stay positive and focused on yourself. You will become stronger and less affected by her.

Dear host, My name is Xian Xianren, and I am a practicing psychological counselor. I am grateful for the opportunity to engage in discourse on this topic with you.

First and foremost, it is imperative to acknowledge that such encounters inevitably evoke a sense of unease and discomfort, regardless of one's identity or circumstances. You have articulated that you possess an inherent apprehension towards such individuals. This phenomenon can be attributed to a fundamental fear of a secure and stable environment, a sentiment deeply embedded within our psyches.

From a social-psychological perspective, it can be argued that individuals are influenced by environmental factors. This is exemplified by the Chinese proverb, "Those who associate with scarlet will become scarlet themselves; those who associate with ink will become black."

The account of Mencius's mother relocating on three occasions in pursuit of an optimal environment in which to raise her son illustrates the significant influence that external circumstances can exert on an individual's actions, character traits, and even physical and mental well-being.

In conclusion, while you currently exhibit an unwillingness to be influenced, it is, in fact, necessary to acknowledge the role of influence in your life. How might we analyze this problematic situation?

First and foremost, it is imperative to gain an understanding of oneself and one's opponent.

To illustrate, should one wish to emerge victorious in this invisible battle, which might be more aptly described as a psychological battle, one must first understand the psychological needs of one's opponent.

As a result, all individuals possess certain psychological needs and unfulfilled aspects of themselves. To truly understand another person, it is essential to recognize their innermost needs, which is commonly referred to as "knowing oneself and the other."

For example, one might inquire as to the motivation behind the three individuals forming a line to engage in vocal communication. It is plausible that they are not investing a significant amount of time and effort into their academic pursuits, and it is therefore unlikely that they have established a rigorous and consistent routine.

This facilitates comprehension of the underlying motives, which may be a misperception of not wanting others to be left behind.

This is one of the reasons why individuals frequently become enmeshed in emotionally charged situations, perplexed by the deceptive tactics employed by others. As distractions are gradually eliminated, the true intentions of the other person become discernible.

Secondly, if the use of aggressive tactics is not a viable option, what alternative strategies can be employed? The answer to this question depends on an accurate assessment of the resources that are available.

The aforementioned resources pertain to one's personal connections and familial relationships.

For example, although changing dormitories is not a viable option, it is not a significant issue. It is more important to utilize the relationship with teachers at school to advocate for a superior living and resting environment.

It should be noted that this process is not something that can be undertaken alone. It is necessary to mobilize family relationships and form a strong alliance. In addition, if possible, it may be beneficial to mobilize the support of another student to assist in implementing the process.

However, the prerequisite is that there is a compelling justification for such action, and when appropriate, one may also submit recordings or videos of the incident in question to the teacher for mediation.

Thirdly, it is pertinent to consider whether a compromise can be reached to resolve long-term historical issues. It is therefore essential to reiterate and clarify one's objectives on a regular basis.

Frequently, if one anticipates that being bullied by the other party will result in some temporary adverse consequences, then choosing to tolerate it is merely a temporary delaying tactic. Ultimately, however, one's primary objective should be to achieve good physical health.

Consequently, in the event of any impediments that may impede progress towards the desired outcome, it is of paramount importance to maintain a positive outlook and to concentrate efforts on the resolution of these challenges.

In some cases, the other party may be unaware of the situation, and it may seem disadvantageous for us to speak out openly. However, it is important for the landlord to understand that the mold can only be eradicated by allowing sunlight to reach the affected areas.

From a broader perspective, it is possible that this situation may not only occur in your dormitory, but that other dormitories may have also experienced this problem. As this issue is revealed one by one, you may also find yourself in a position of greater visibility and be able to attract more allies.

It is our conviction that malevolence cannot ultimately triumph. We therefore encourage you to exert your utmost efforts.

I totally get where you're coming from. It's never fun to have a roommate like that!

There are so many factors that can influence a roommate's behavior! Things like personality, upbringing, and life stress can all play a role. It's possible that he might not even realize the impact his behavior has on others.

At the same time, he may be trying to protect himself from the pressures and challenges of life, which is a great way to learn and grow!

If you feel that your roommate's behavior is causing you practical problems, such as affecting your mood, rest, or study, then you have the power to take control! You can start by communicating directly with your roommate. If that doesn't work, you can always seek help from other roommates or the dormitory management.

You can absolutely do this! Remain calm and don't let your roommate's behavior affect your emotions or life.

Avoid getting involved in gossip about roommates, as this may make the situation worse. Stay positive and focus on the great things you have going on!

If direct communication isn't working, don't worry! You can always seek help from other roommates or the dormitory management. They'll be able to provide some great neutral opinions and suggestions.

At the same time, it's a great idea to try to establish friendly relationships with other roommates and participate in group activities together. This can really help to reduce direct contact with the malicious roommate and thus reduce stress!

Wouldn't it be great if the dormitory management or the relevant departments of the school could impose certain restrictions or punishments on such behavior? It would definitely have a certain warning effect on other roommates!

The most important thing is to keep your eyes on the prize: your life and studies! I truly believe that time is the best healer. As long as you maintain a positive and optimistic attitude, you will always find a way to solve this problem.

I really hope this suggestion helps!

Hello, everyone! I'm Coach Yu, and I'm thrilled to have this opportunity to discuss this topic with you.

Now, let's dive into the world of boundaries! It's time to learn how to recognize the boundaries of others and, just as importantly, to know your own boundaries.

When it comes to getting along with roommates, we have the power to choose how we interact with each other. We can choose to accept the parts of each other that make us comfortable and embrace the differences that make us unique. Similarly, we can't expect our roommates to pay for all of our demands. By embracing our differences and finding areas of mutual understanding, we can create a dynamic that works for everyone. The differences between people are what make our relationships rich and full of variety. By recognizing these differences, we can create boundaries that are comfortable for everyone and ensure that our student relationships are as fulfilling as they can be.

Sometimes we don't want to offend others, sometimes we don't want to damage relationships, sometimes we avoid potential risks, and sometimes we feel that we are "overthinking" and "making a big deal out of it," ignoring the signals that some boundaries have been violated. We are afraid to establish and maintain our own boundaries and dare not protect ourselves. As the original poster wrote, my roommate is a mean person who deliberately looks for trouble and likes to gang up and gossip about people.

Let's ask ourselves what we thought when we heard our roommate making noise this morning, and what emotions and feelings it brought us!

Let's also ask ourselves: if we communicate with our roommate, who is also a member of the group, what does she think? If we all feel offended, do we consider responding? What would we say? And what would happen?

It's time to take control of your life and protect yourself from relying on others. Remember, you can't control what others say or do, and you can't expect others to know how to behave. It's up to you to take the initiative and establish your own boundaries. When you feel uncomfortable, speak up and clearly express your feelings. If necessary, use some warning words and methods to let others know what you need. You've got this!

Now, let's dive back into emotions! Emotions are made up of unique experiences, external cues, and physical sensations. Every emotion could be the result of an unmet internal desire. When we miss out on a promotion or a pay raise, we feel sad. When we lose a beloved possession, we feel angry.

As the original poster wrote, I feel a little scared instinctively, and I decided to take a break from studying today to give myself a chance to process this incident.

Let's dive deep and ask ourselves: What is my inner need that makes me feel instinctively afraid?

We can also look back on our childhood and think about whether our parents responded positively and encouragingly or seriously and rejectingly when we expressed an idea or need. This is a great opportunity to reflect on how we can improve our current parenting style!

When children often receive negative responses, they have the opportunity to develop self-confidence and resilience. They may feel uneasy and anxious, but they can learn to manage these feelings and grow into confident, well-adjusted adults.

We can also ask ourselves what the ideal roommate relationship is and what my real needs are. This is an exciting opportunity to discover what I truly want and need in a roommate!

Once we know what we want, it's amazing how we can distinguish between what we want and what others want us to want!

Once we know what we want, it's much easier to figure out what we need to reject. And as Winnicott said, when a person's truth begins to emerge, healing occurs!

So, let's get to know ourselves and embrace the real us!

We can have an honest conversation with these three roommates! First, we can express our discomfort with their morning noise and hope that they can make some promises and changes. At the same time, we can express how much we value the friendship between classmates and listen to their opinions and expectations of us. This kind of communication can not only release our emotions, but also clearly inform the other person what to do.

We can make peace with our emotions! When we are afraid, we can record our emotions through writing therapy. Your writing is only for yourself, so feel free to write about your feelings honestly. This can help us understand the origin and impact of our emotions, and also help us clarify the root of the problem. Writing can also help emotions flow, so that they will not easily lead to distorted behavior due to emotional suppression.

If this thing is bothering you, don't worry! There are plenty of people you can turn to for help. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel it is necessary, you can also find a counselor. They will be able to help you find an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

And we mustn't forget to affirm ourselves, empower ourselves, enrich our knowledge, and enrich our inner selves! When our core is strong, the people around you will naturally get along with you.

I'm so excited to recommend this book: "How Not to Like Someone"!

Thank you for the inquiry.

You are experiencing a range of emotions, including fear, self-blame, internal conflict, and helplessness. The conflict with your roommate has had an impact on your studies, which is likely causing you distress. You are therefore keen to understand how you can avoid being affected by her. Let's explore this together.

What is the root cause of this fear?

It appears that the function of the emotion of "fear" is to allow you to avoid conflict. This is akin to an automatic response mode of yours, and upon encountering interpersonal conflict, you will automatically activate the avoidance strategy. It is possible that you have experienced trauma from interpersonal conflict in the past, and "avoiding conflict" is an effective strategy you have drawn from, which has consistently served you well up to now.

Is that a common occurrence? Do you frequently circumvent conflicts?

Do you choose to suppress and repress your emotions in order to resolve interpersonal conflicts?

How do you regulate fear?

When you become aware of the fear, what are your thoughts and actions?

You will assume a situation where you are not afraid – "if you are not afraid, you will not care about it" – and thus transform "fear" into the emotion of "self-blame"; you will want to escape – "change dormitories" – but feel that "there is no way to change it", and thus generate the emotion of "helplessness".

The current situation has not resulted in the desired outcome of alleviating the fear. Your approach has been to avoid the situation as much as possible, for example, by only returning to your dormitory at night. However, this avoidance is no longer a viable solution, and the issue has already affected your sleep. Your roommate gets up early and makes noise. Let's address this together.

Please describe the nature of your concern.

You believe that your colleague is a malicious individual who engages in negative discourse about others. You are naturally apprehensive about maintaining a positive relationship with her and are concerned that she may speak negatively about you.

Is she attempting to isolate you? What would be the worst case scenario?

Please describe the most frightening situation you can think of.

It would be beneficial to ascertain the probability of such an occurrence.

You are encouraged to evaluate the situation.

If you are still experiencing significant trepidation, it would be advisable to identify a trusted individual with whom you can discuss the underlying causes of your apprehension and receive guidance on how to effectively address it.

I hope this information is helpful.

I am your neighbor, Potato Maling, who has grown up with you. Thank you for your attention.